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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Difficult 4 Years Old - Not Sure if I Should let Him Go
Unregistered 09:48 PM 08-15-2011
Hello everyone! I'm glad I've found this awesome forum!!
I need some tips.
I have an almost 4 years old boy in full time care, that I find hard to deal with. He is overly attached to his Mom, who babies him as much as she can, letting him have and do whatever he wants.
He comes in at 6.45 each morning screaming bloody murder, and won't stop for at least an hour, constantly asking for Mommy. At first I've tried to comfort him, then I've tried to re-direct him towards something else (a game, toy...), still he completely shuts down, and cry, cry and cry... for the past few days I changed strategy, and I'm using the "crying corner" where he can stay until he is done whining; I tell him that he can come and join us when he is done crying. I ignore him, since everytime I try to talk to him, he screams even louder. Today he cried for one hour and 20 minutes, then he fell asleep for 4 hours. Then he woke up,a nd cried for another hour, then fell asleep for 2 more hours.
He also cries for everything else, I can say nothing to him without upsetting him - if he has to go in time out, it's another two hours of whining, and screaming show - (I'm not yelling, or being nasty to him... but there are rules that everyone has to follow).
His behavior is influencing the other kids, making them cranky by his constant crying.
He doesn't eat anything, saying that he is full, but he asks for cookies at all the times.
I've came to realize that at home is not used to being told what to do, and he doesn't have consequences for bad behavior; he is not a violent, or bad kid, but I have the feeling that he at home he gets whatever he wants by whining and crying; well, in my house doesn't work like that, and I think he is having an hard time dealing with structure, and discipline.
I need some tips.
I have an almost 4 years old boy in full time care, that I find hard to deal with. He is overly attached to his Mom, who babies him as much as she can, letting him have and do whatever he wants.
He comes in at 6.45 each morning screaming bloody murder, and won't stop for at least an hour, constantly asking for Mommy. At first I've tried to comfort him, then I've tried to re-direct him towards something else (a game, toy...), still he completely shuts down, and cry, cry and cry... for the past few days I changed strategy, and I'm using the "crying corner" where he can stay until he is done whining; I tell him that he can come and join us when he is done crying. I ignore him, since everytime I try to talk to him, he screams even louder. Today he cried for one hour and 20 minutes, then he fell asleep for 4 hours. Then he woke up,a nd cried for another hour, then fell asleep for 2 more hours.
He also cries for everything else, I can say nothing to him without upsetting him - if he has to go in time out, it's another two hours of whining, and screaming show - (I'm not yelling, or being nasty to him... but there are rules that everyone has to follow).
His behavior is influencing the other kids, making them cranky by his constant crying.
He doesn't eat anything, saying that he is full, but he asks for cookies at all the times.
I've came to realize that at home is not used to being told what to do, and he doesn't have consequences for bad behavior; he is not a violent, or bad kid, but I have the feeling that he at home he gets whatever he wants by whining and crying; well, in my house doesn't work like that, and I think he is having an hard time dealing with structure, and discipline.
Michael 11:18 PM 08-15-2011
Some earlier posts on separation anxiety: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...ration+anxiety
nannyde 03:21 AM 08-16-2011
Sounds like he's up all night watching Sprout TV. I think you have one that isn't going to bed until he drops to sleep in the middle of the night.
Can you put him back to bed right when he gets there and have him sleep until nine thirty? Then put him back for a nap around noonish and let him sleep until right before the parents come?
Can you put him back to bed right when he gets there and have him sleep until nine thirty? Then put him back for a nap around noonish and let him sleep until right before the parents come?
morgan24 03:36 AM 08-16-2011
I was thinking the same as nannyde, that he's tired. I would put him to back to bed. That is a horrible morning for you to have to put up with.
laundrymom 04:56 AM 08-16-2011
Agreed, if he cries, nap him. Have you talked to mom?
countrymom 05:03 AM 08-16-2011
I had the exact same kid at that same age, people, putting this kid to bed just didn't work. It was awful, and it was because he was so babied and there is nothing you can do because this is one of those things that is impossible at that age to undue. After a month of this I termed. I saw him a little a while ago and he's still mothered and he's now 8 yrs old.
AfterSchoolMom 05:17 AM 08-16-2011
His kindergarten teacher is going to have a fun time. 
Unregistered 08:09 AM 08-16-2011
Thanks everyone...
Lol - I read my previous post, and my grammar sounds awful!!! lol - yeah, it was a little late when I post that... I apologize...
Anyway, when I talked to Mom about his long naps, she said that he goes to bed very late, and then he either goes back and forward from his bed, to his Mom's, or stays up watching TV in his room all night long, eating cereals from the bag. I was like WTH!!!! 4 years old???? And you haven't take the TV away yet?? Oh no, because he will have a fit if you do...
Everytime Moms come to get him, he acts unruly, doing what he is not supposed to do when under my care; for example, they are not allowed to throw toys, but everytime Mom walks in, there he goes playing crazy, throwing things, and acting like a total different kid. I remind him of the rules, and he looks at me, and keeps on misbehaving... Mom never addresses him during that time....
Funny thing is that Mom is a first grade teacher.... I told her that he will hard time adjusting to school, or a more institutionalized setting, but every time I attempt to discuss it, she changes argument.
About the fact that he is a picky eater, she told me what he likes (a wide variety of junk food...), and I told her that I can't make personalized meals, unless there are allergies... I follow the USDA food program, so there is not junk food in it... he either eat what's on the plate, or he doesn't...
Am I too strict? I just have to keep things sane in here...
Jenny
Lol - I read my previous post, and my grammar sounds awful!!! lol - yeah, it was a little late when I post that... I apologize...
Anyway, when I talked to Mom about his long naps, she said that he goes to bed very late, and then he either goes back and forward from his bed, to his Mom's, or stays up watching TV in his room all night long, eating cereals from the bag. I was like WTH!!!! 4 years old???? And you haven't take the TV away yet?? Oh no, because he will have a fit if you do...
Everytime Moms come to get him, he acts unruly, doing what he is not supposed to do when under my care; for example, they are not allowed to throw toys, but everytime Mom walks in, there he goes playing crazy, throwing things, and acting like a total different kid. I remind him of the rules, and he looks at me, and keeps on misbehaving... Mom never addresses him during that time....
Funny thing is that Mom is a first grade teacher.... I told her that he will hard time adjusting to school, or a more institutionalized setting, but every time I attempt to discuss it, she changes argument.
About the fact that he is a picky eater, she told me what he likes (a wide variety of junk food...), and I told her that I can't make personalized meals, unless there are allergies... I follow the USDA food program, so there is not junk food in it... he either eat what's on the plate, or he doesn't...
Am I too strict? I just have to keep things sane in here...
Jenny
familyschoolcare 08:27 AM 08-16-2011
Originally Posted by AfterSchoolMom:
His kindergarten teacher is going to have a fun time.
the kindergarten teacher will just say he is not mature enough for school yet and mom who is babying him will be happy that her little child is not ready to go up.His kindergarten teacher is going to have a fun time.
mom2many 08:46 AM 08-16-2011
Wow that would be an awful way to start each day. You poor thing! I have had some dcks that have a hard time with separation anxiety, but it usually only lasts a few minutes and once mom is out the door, the crying stops.
Have you asked mom what time he goes to bed? I have found that rough mornings usually correlate with a child staying up late and not getting enough sleep. Since he cries himself to sleep, this could be his problem.
How long has he been in your care? It sounds like you've tried all of the things I would have done. Since his behavior is impacting the rest of the kids, I would explain to mom that this is not working out and you are unable to continue watching him.
Have you asked mom what time he goes to bed? I have found that rough mornings usually correlate with a child staying up late and not getting enough sleep. Since he cries himself to sleep, this could be his problem.
How long has he been in your care? It sounds like you've tried all of the things I would have done. Since his behavior is impacting the rest of the kids, I would explain to mom that this is not working out and you are unable to continue watching him.