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  #1  
Old 12-04-2010, 02:01 PM
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Default Refusal To Listen...WWYD?

We have a 3 yr old in our care who just refuses to listen to anything, no matter what it is lately. No matter if we're telling her what to do or what not to do. She'll be running around indoors along with some others. I remind them all, "walking feet". She continues running. I repeat, "walking feet", she ignores me. I physically stop her and tell her more firmly, "we can't run inside". She grins at me and continues to run... she often has "accidents" in her pants, so we remind everyone to go potty at certain times. She ignores us. So we'll directly tell her more firmly, "go potty". "No! I don't need to!" Two minutes later, she's wet her pants. At nap time, "Time to put our books down. It's nap time." 3 yr old, who may not even have a book at that moment, but the others do (and they lay them down as told), she gets up and grabs a book then. We'll tell her again that it's time to put it up, and she ignores us. Or just smiles, like she thinks we'll just laugh about it. But obviously I'm not laughing, nor have I ever when she doesn't listen. If she gets put in time-out for some reason, she'll jump up and grab a toy to play with as soon as our back is turned. We get after her and take it from her. She just grins again, in that defiant "I don't care what you say" look. Lately her listening has gotten so bad that I don't know what else to do but put her in a time out when she refuses to listen. But as soon as I talk to her about why she was placed there (because she wasn't listening), she gets up and just a minute later she's doing something that I ask her not to, or remind her of the rule. And she'll ignore me. We do the count down thing and everything (letting the children know that in 5 minutes it's time to wash hands or whatever. Then we tell them it's time for x). But 3 yr old doesn't pay any attention whatsoever. I don't know what else to do! I'm getting so frustrated with her refusal to listen, and I know nothing at home has changed, so there's nothing like that that could be causing her to ignore us more than usual. But seriously, she refuses to listen even when it's something she should like doing. Like "lets put our shoes on so we can go outside". Of course she doesn't. So everyone is ready to go out and she's still going around playing without shoes on. "why don't you have shoes on? We're all ready to go out." She grins, shrugs, and says, "I couldn't find them". I know she didn't even look because they're sometimes right in obvious sight. There is no way she couldn't have not been able to find them, if she'd just looked. Of course they aren't where they were supposed to be because she won't listen and put them back where they belong when she takes them off. I don't have time with all the other children and everything else to do to follow along behind this girl and make sure she does what she's supposed to, of course. And I know it's developmentally appropriate to expect certain things out of her, like putting her shoes on, because she used to. She knows how to do the stuff we ask of her. She just chooses not to. ideas anyone before I pull my hair out? Talking to parents doesn't change anything. Already tried.
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Old 12-04-2010, 07:58 PM
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one piece of advice would be to make sure you praise her when she DOES do what she's told. she has to do the right thing SOMETIME, right? no matter WHAT it is - tell her, "thank you for doing what i asked. i like that," or even tell the whole "class" - look at suzy. she is using her walking feet, etc.

with the shoe incident.....what i would've done is gotten her shoes...gotten her...take her outside and made her sit WITH her shoes (not on her feet) right beside me. i'd tell her she's not playing until her shoes are on. if playtime is over and her shoes aren't on still (which is not likely) then i'd do the same thing inside...make her sit with her shoes until they're on. is it too cold to be without shoes? oh well. if her feet are cold, she'll put them on.

i know you might not have time to stay with her all the time, but sticking around during certain times like nap time or when she's in time out (times she's likely to run off) could solve the problem a lot quicker. don't be afraid to use your mean voice!

if she's running and you tell her to walk, MAKE her sit beside you - if you're doing something, sit her at your feet. if you're walking around, hold her hand and take her with you. MAKE her sit on the potty. i wouldn't typically recommend that, but for a child that's being defiant and has a pattern of "accidents" right after potty time, i sure would. she won't sit? "help her" sit. don't give up EVER. it sounds like people (not saying you) have thrown their hands up and let her get away with a lot. let her know that you won't and she'll stop.
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Old 12-05-2010, 06:55 AM
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I agree with QualiTcare except for forcing her to sit on the toilet. Be firm with her and watch her like a hawk for a week and hopefully she'll turn her attitude around.

If you force her to sit on the toilet you may well end up with a larger defiance from her. She'll made you sit there holding her on the toilet until you finally give up. Then she'll purposely pee in her pants. By trying to force something she has 100% control over you could well make her attitude worse. Pick up on what she does right will go along way. She may be doing bad things because it gets more of your attention.

Things may appear to be the same at home but this is holiday season and parents get stressed out and she may be reacting to something subtle at home or something subtle at daycare. I find that when my kids start acting up a lot it's because I haven't done something specifically with them in a few days. I also notice when their behavior starts to slide I don't want to do anything with them which can lead to worse behaviors. It's a vicious cycle and you need to be the one to break it. Try to be as happy with her as possible and give her lots of praise and hugs throughout the day and catch her being good. Spending a few days lavishing her with attention will help her and won't hurt the other kids. After a timeout and she's allowed back to play don't hold the time out against her. Turn your own thoughts on the matter around and be as fun and happy as you can be even it you are faking.

Oh and block her from repeating the behavior. If she was in time out for running, insist that she sit down and color or do a puzzle or have her do a hand stand or roll. Give her something appropriate to do immediately after the time out.
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Old 12-05-2010, 04:41 PM
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How many children do you usually have? One thing you can do (shoe incident, for example) is make everyone wait a few minutes before going outside. Tell the children they have to wait for so-and-so to get their shoes on before outside time or a walk. It could take some peer pressure by them saying "Come on, get your shoes on, we want to go out!" Our daycare kids react MUCH BETTER if another child is telling them to do something, lol, so try to get the other children involved in the actions if possible. Also try to give more one on one time throughout the day and be at the child's level. This usually helps before instructions are given out for everyone to listen better.
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Old 12-06-2010, 04:39 PM
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How many children do you usually have? One thing you can do (shoe incident, for example) is make everyone wait a few minutes before going outside. Tell the children they have to wait for so-and-so to get their shoes on before outside time or a walk. It could take some peer pressure by them saying "Come on, get your shoes on, we want to go out!" Our daycare kids react MUCH BETTER if another child is telling them to do something, lol, so try to get the other children involved in the actions if possible. Also try to give more one on one time throughout the day and be at the child's level. This usually helps before instructions are given out for everyone to listen better.
Thank you for the suggestions everyone! I will try to stay right on top of her as much as possible and see if that helps. I was afraid it'd just make it worse, because it seems the more insistant I get that she do whatever she was told, the worse she gets at that particular moment, but also even later in the day. We have 10-12 children usually, and if I have the others wait on someone (since there's always some waiting time, seeing as how you can't get 10-12 children to the potty, diaper changes, shoes and jackets on, and anything else we have to do before outdoor play all at the exact same time. We have babies to age 5 right now, so by the time I get one of the younger one's shoes on, the other one has taken their jacket off...and if I had the others wait for her, by the time she got her shoes on, half the group would already be off doing something else...It's a circus act around here sometimes!
I did want to add, making sure I praise her when she is doing what she's supposed to is a very good thought. Thing is, I already do that, and a lot of times that's when she decides to do the opposite! An example: One afternoon, everyone was sitting up on their cots, looking at their books, except the 3 yr old. She was already laying down on her cot, covered up, without books or anything! I was so proud of her and I mentioned it. something like, "Look at x! She already put her books away and is laying so quietly! It's time for us to put our books up, too." Well, 3 year old jumped up off of her cot and grabbed a book really quick. Then gave me that "looK" and tried to run back to her cot with it. So when I stayed on top of her and made sure she put it up before returning to her cot, she got more stubborn and then wouldn't lay down, wouldn't be quiet, kept trying to grab another toy to play with...it just got worse from there. Of course I still praise them all when I see them doing the right thing, but it's discouraging when you try to praise them and they end up doing the opposite then and you have to get after them right after just praising them! Today she finally cleaned up some toys she was asked to pick up (it took awhile trying to get her to!) and I said something like, "you did a great job picking up those toys X! Thank you for listening!" So she dumped them back out as soon as I turned around. aaahhh! When I try to kneel down infront of her before asking her to do something (or not do something), she immediately turns around, with her back to me. tells me, "no I don't want to" and walks away. that is, if I'm lucky enough for her to say anything before she walks away! This 3 yr old has always been one who loves to cuddle and be held. So we hold her and cuddle with her as often as possible (none of that has changed, except lately with her new attitude it doesn't leave much time for it). After time-outs I always give her a hug and all that and talk to her just like normal. So I honestly don't think I'm holding it against her or anything like that even after her timeouts. If I were carrying around an attitude, like I was still mad at her, then I could understand why she's acting like that, but I really don't feel like I'm mad at her or anything. I just get SO tired of how quickly she gets in her "I'm not going to listen no matter what" attitude. As soon as I ask her to do the first thing of the day (at the very beginning of the day!) she gets that attitude.
Thanks for the encouragment and not just blameing it on me. So many people want to blame the children's behavior issues on the provider.
I mentioned it to her parents the second time tonight (since today had been exceptionally bad with the not listening, and they asked specifically if she had been good). When I told them, they acted put out with me and basically I was told that my only option is time out with her. well, yeah, I know that. Why do you think I told you about it? So you can try to work with me here since I can't do anything else! But instead they also pretty much told me they weren't even going to do so much as talk to her about it! She's their "baby" and the youngest and cutest of the family. She gets by with everything at home because she's so cute. They've even practically told us that before!
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Old 12-07-2010, 05:11 AM
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Ack! It's bad when parents don't help out. It's even worse when parents don't discipline. Maybe making a clear distinction with her will help. Saying something like "I understand you might be able to do that at home but you are not allowed to do that here" might help. Another approach you may want to take is ignoring her bad behavior. For example when you praised her for laying down and then she got up. You could have completely ignored whatever she did after you praised her for doing good (provided she wasn't hurting anyone). Focusing your attention instead on getting everyone to put their books away and lay down as well. I say this because she got a sentence of attention from you when she did something right and a lot more when she turned around and did something wrong. You said she really likes to be held. Maybe you should try and give her a hug and then praise her. For example when she picked up the toys. Maybe you could have hugged her, praised her while giving her a hug, and change direction before letting her go. HUG "I'm so happy you picked up those toys! Thank you very much for deciding to listen! Now let's go see what we can do about getting shoes on to go outside. End of hug. Then turn your attention to another child and give the impression that you expect her to follow the next direction. Try to not give her attention if she does something wrong instead.
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Old 12-07-2010, 03:03 PM
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MAKE her sit on the potty. i wouldn't typically recommend that, but for a child that's being defiant and has a pattern of "accidents" right after potty time, i sure would. she won't sit? "help her" sit. don't give up EVER. it sounds like people (not saying you) have thrown their hands up and let her get away with a lot. let her know that you won't and she'll stop.
The bit in bold is more as to what I was getting at. A potty trained 3 year old can hold out for a very long time even if they have to go. If she is forced (physically undressed and sat on toilet) she may start to hit and fight to get off. If you never give up then you will need to hold her there and if she really wants to win the battle she will hold it for an hour or more. If she loses the battle she won't think oh I'll just go without the fight next time. More likely she'll pee on the person forcing her when they undress her or wet herself on the way. Telling her to just try and asking that she sit down for a minute to try and get her to pee is fine. But forcing her there and not ever giving up will lead to a much bigger problem.
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Old 12-07-2010, 04:39 PM
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The bit in bold is more as to what I was getting at. A potty trained 3 year old can hold out for a very long time even if they have to go. If she is forced (physically undressed and sat on toilet) she may start to hit and fight to get off. If you never give up then you will need to hold her there and if she really wants to win the battle she will hold it for an hour or more. If she loses the battle she won't think oh I'll just go without the fight next time. More likely she'll pee on the person forcing her when they undress her or wet herself on the way. Telling her to just try and asking that she sit down for a minute to try and get her to pee is fine. But forcing her there and not ever giving up will lead to a much bigger problem.
"don't give up EVER. it sounds like people (not saying you) have thrown their hands up and let her get away with a lot. let her know that you won't and she'll stop."

this was a new thought...i guess i should've used the space bar. i didn't mean, make her sit on the potty and never give up til she goes!
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Old 12-07-2010, 05:16 PM
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Eek...parents that refuse to even talk to their child about her bad behavior?? I wouldn't stand for that. I would inform the parents that I need them to talk to her about her behavior and that it is not okay to not listen to me. If they refuse to talk with her, I would tell them that it's not working out and I would term. Not sure if that's an option for you, but if her parents can't even take the situation seriously, this child isn't going to either.

I agree there have been some good suggestions already made. Sticking close to her and not letting her get away with anything. And I would be speaking very firmly with her and very clearly stating what it is I need her to do. Hopefully after a few days of sticking really close to her and not letting her get away with anything will help some. But, her parents, urgh...what is wrong with them??
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Old 12-07-2010, 06:50 PM
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Hmm, I'm starting to see that part of the problem is me. No one specifically said it, I just see what I'm not doing, or can't do all the time. There's times when she gets by with not listening because so much other stuff is going on, or one child is hitting another one, or a toddler is biting someone, or someone potty training just had an accident and left a puddle... you know all those things that come up at the worst times lol So by the time that madness is over, she's already gotten by with not listening. Most of the time we do make her go to the potty and at least try. But she's so stubborn, she'll sit there for a minute (while chaos is going on in the other room of course) and then say she can't, and refuse to sit any longer. Then two minutes later, she has an "accident". But there are sometimes when I tell her to go, she says she doesn't need to, gets mad...and then something comes up and I have to run and take care of that. So when I go back to have her at least try, she says she already went (in her pants of course!). She's even wet her pants before just barely enough that they're too wet to leave them on her, but not enough to actually be an accident all because she wanted to change clothes and I wouldn't let her. I wish I could just let her sit in her wet pants for a little while for doing that kind of thing, but I'd never do that. I could get into too much trouble for one thing. I am careful to not give her any more attention than necessary when she does "have an accident". She changes her own clothes and puts them in the plastic bag herself.
I have heard before that you should just tell a child once and then turn your back and walk away, like some of you all were saying, and I would like to just ignore it when she doesn't listen, but it seems to me that she's getting her way then. The toys eventually just get picked up by me or someone else, she still gets to run (which then makes the others continue it too, because that's what kids do. All it takes is one to break the rules), and she still gets to look at the book or play with the toy she's not supposed to have (while all the other kids yell "no fair" at that, and then do it themself and use the excuse, "but you let x do it!"). Do you think it would eventually work, or what should I do in those cases? She's not the only one we have trouble with on not listening, but she's just gotten worse and SO much more defiant over things.
Thanks for the continued advice!
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Old 12-08-2010, 03:31 AM
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We have a 3 yr old in our care who just refuses to listen to anything, no matter what it is lately. No matter if we're telling her what to do or what not to do. She'll be running around indoors along with some others. I remind them all, "walking feet". She continues running. I repeat, "walking feet", she ignores me. I physically stop her and tell her more firmly, "we can't run inside". She grins at me and continues to run...
After I tell her the first time to walk inside, if she refuses to listen I'd grab her hand gently and walk with her, not saying anything else, but giving 'the look".


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she often has "accidents" in her pants, so we remind everyone to go potty at certain times. She ignores us. So we'll directly tell her more firmly, "go potty". "No! I don't need to!" Two minutes later, she's wet her pants.
Does she potty at home without any problems? I'd ask her parents what they're doing here. Does she just not want to stop playing with her toys? First, I'd make sure that she has a way to 'save' her toys if that seems to be a problem.

Then, after telling her once that she needs to go into the potty, if she doesn't listen, I'd gently grab her hand and lead her in there. Not saying anything or just saying, "you have to try to go potty, it's not a choice." firmly. But ignoring anything else she says to you.


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At nap time, "Time to put our books down. It's nap time." 3 yr old, who may not even have a book at that moment, but the others do (and they lay them down as told), she gets up and grabs a book then. We'll tell her again that it's time to put it up, and she ignores us. Or just smiles, like she thinks we'll just laugh about it. But obviously I'm not laughing, nor have I ever when she doesn't listen.
Before you even say to the group, "Time to put your books down" make sure someone is standing near her cot and don't even allow her to get up. I'd maybe say, "Nope. Lay down." nicely, firmly, but I wouldn't engage in any other conversation with her about it. and wouldn't let her see how annoyed I was at her laughing (Errr...this really gets me annoyed when they laugh just to get a reaction).

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If she gets put in time-out for some reason, she'll jump up and grab a toy to play with as soon as our back is turned. We get after her and take it from her. She just grins again, in that defiant "I don't care what you say" look. Lately her listening has gotten so bad that I don't know what else to do but put her in a time out when she refuses to listen. But as soon as I talk to her about why she was placed there (because she wasn't listening), she gets up and just a minute later she's doing something that I ask her not to, or remind her of the rule. And she'll ignore me.
Again, I know it's extremely difficult to just be by her all the time, but when she's in time out someone needs to be standing near her. Not necessarily looking directly at her because you don't want to pay her toomuch attention. But, looking at her through the corner of your eye and busying yourself with something else, but as soon as she tries to get up, nab her hand gently, saying, "sit down. now your time is starting over." and let her see that you are resetting the timer.

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We do the count down thing and everything (letting the children know that in 5 minutes it's time to wash hands or whatever. Then we tell them it's time for x). But 3 yr old doesn't pay any attention whatsoever. I don't know what else to do! I'm getting so frustrated with her refusal to listen, and I know nothing at home has changed, so there's nothing like that that could be causing her to ignore us more than usual. But seriously, she refuses to listen even when it's something she should like doing. Like "lets put our shoes on so we can go outside". Of course she doesn't. So everyone is ready to go out and she's still going around playing without shoes on. "why don't you have shoes on? We're all ready to go out." She grins, shrugs, and says, "I couldn't find them". I know she didn't even look because they're sometimes right in obvious sight. There is no way she couldn't have not been able to find them, if she'd just looked. Of course they aren't where they were supposed to be because she won't listen and put them back where they belong when she takes them off. I don't have time with all the other children and everything else to do to follow along behind this girl and make sure she does what she's supposed to, of course. And I know it's developmentally appropriate to expect certain things out of her, like putting her shoes on, because she used to. She knows how to do the stuff we ask of her. She just chooses not to. ideas anyone before I pull my hair out? Talking to parents doesn't change anything. Already tried.
With the shoes, as soon as I said, 'time to get on shoes," I'd go to her, walk her to her shoes (which you need to make sure that she puts in the right place), hold her hand, tell her to pick them up and sit down. Sit with her until she gets them on, not engaging with her, looking around the room, but maybe givingher the eye occassionally. If she's not ready by the time everyone goes out, I would do as PP suggested and make her pick them up and sit right outside the door while everyone plays until she gets them on.
---

I would probably sit her down on that first day that you're going to start being 'tough' on her and tell her very calmly that you've had enough, she hasn't been listening when she comes to day care and that it's not ok. I'd tell her that you will no longer tell her more than once when she needs to do something. I'd tell her that you know she is a smart girl and that you love having her a daycare, but her not listening has to stop. It is not a choice to not listen to her teachers. Then, I'd end the conversation on a good note, like...'what do you want to play today?'with a smile on your face. Maybe even ask for a hug before she goes to play. I would also play with her a lot that day, be really smiley when she's doing good,shoot her little smiles from across the roomwhen she's playing well, and give lots of hugs for good things etc.

This is going to be a team effort. While the one person is making sure she is doing what she should be doing, the other teachers have to attend to the rest of the room. If you're able to really stick with this, it shouldn't take more than a week or so to see some improvement in behavior.

I had a little girl like this at the beginning of this year and I was tough on her, never told her more than once to do something, would lead her around silently when she needed to do something and now she is one of my FAVORITE kiddos. She does soo well now. And now many times all she needs is the look to do what she's supposed to. I also give her lots of attention at other, good times. Good luck, I hope this helps...
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Old 12-08-2010, 05:51 PM
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Kendallina, those are really good suggestions. I will be trying those out! The only thing I'm not sure about is how to stick right with her until she does as she's told. There's only two of us, and we have a pretty rowdy group, so really there's several that needs shadowing some days Anyone, my point is, with just two of us and so much other stuff to take care of with the others how would we shadow the 3 yr old? For example, when we get ready to go outside, one of us takes care of the potty time children, while the other one gets everyone ready to go outside, helping them get their jackets and shoes, watching the others who are ready and now going through destroying the place, etc. So if the person in charge of getting everyone ready to go outside were to sit beside 3 yr old until her shoes were on, the younger ones (who still need help with dressing themselves) would never get their shoes and jacket on and every toy and bucket in the place would be dumped out and scattered everywhere. There's really no specific time that she never listens. It's just whenever she decides not to. Some days she does fine going potty on her own without even being reminded, somedays she does really well going to wash her hands when it's time, etc. But sometimes she gets into her mood and refuses to do anything she's supposed to, or stop anything she's not supposed to be doing.
The potty thing didn't go so well at all today. She gets by with that too much because there's so much stuff that comes up and I forget to make her go in and sit on the potty to "try". I just tell her firmly, but she gets mad and argues, then something comes up so I run to take care of it, and then next thing I know she's wet. Today she even wet her pants because another child was changing clothes because they'd had an accident. But this was a 2 yr old, not a 3 1/2 yr old who is fully potty trained (when she wants to be). But nap time went well. She went to sleep with only one reminder to be quiet, and some other areas of listening worked well today also.
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Old 12-08-2010, 06:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Preschool/daycare teacher View Post
Kendallina, those are really good suggestions. I will be trying those out! The only thing I'm not sure about is how to stick right with her until she does as she's told. There's only two of us, and we have a pretty rowdy group, so really there's several that needs shadowing some days Anyone, my point is, with just two of us and so much other stuff to take care of with the others how would we shadow the 3 yr old? For example, when we get ready to go outside, one of us takes care of the potty time children, while the other one gets everyone ready to go outside, helping them get their jackets and shoes, watching the others who are ready and now going through destroying the place, etc. So if the person in charge of getting everyone ready to go outside were to sit beside 3 yr old until her shoes were on, the younger ones (who still need help with dressing themselves) would never get their shoes and jacket on and every toy and bucket in the place would be dumped out and scattered everywhere. There's really no specific time that she never listens. It's just whenever she decides not to. Some days she does fine going potty on her own without even being reminded, somedays she does really well going to wash her hands when it's time, etc. But sometimes she gets into her mood and refuses to do anything she's supposed to, or stop anything she's not supposed to be doing.
The potty thing didn't go so well at all today. She gets by with that too much because there's so much stuff that comes up and I forget to make her go in and sit on the potty to "try". I just tell her firmly, but she gets mad and argues, then something comes up so I run to take care of it, and then next thing I know she's wet. Today she even wet her pants because another child was changing clothes because they'd had an accident. But this was a 2 yr old, not a 3 1/2 yr old who is fully potty trained (when she wants to be). But nap time went well. She went to sleep with only one reminder to be quiet, and some other areas of listening worked well today also.
It sounds like the entire group is in need of some extra help. What ages are your kids?

I have worked in groups of children where the behavior is so bad that it almost becomes 'survival' mode. Where you feel like you spend your whole day putting out fires... Do you feel like that's where things are now?

When I've worked in rooms like this before it can be so frustrating and make you really hate your days. Do you have support from the other parents?
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Old 12-09-2010, 04:16 AM
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How old is your group? How many are there? It really sounds like the problem may not all be about individual child behavior, but just that you have too many little ones for just two to handle. I don't know if you have the option to either downsize the group or add more help...but either of those would probably be your best option in what sounds like a chaotic situation.
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Old 12-09-2010, 04:28 AM
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Preschool Teacher,

Please don't take this personally because it's coming from my heart and not directed AT you AT all.

I feel really sad for those kids. I read stories like this so much and I can't help but think how the truth is that there really isn't anything you CAN do. You have way too many kids with way too many responsibilities.

That child you describe NEEDS an adult just for her. She needs an adult every day... day after day... for weeks and maybe months. She needs "micro corrections" done on her every move and consequences for infringements. She needs an adult who can really watch her every second and intervene at all of her root behavior.

I feel really sorry for preschool teachers and SUPER sorry for Teachers. I can't imagine being in the public school systems now. It has to be such a crappy job to not have the resources you need and the support you need to work directly with kids to "right" them into a path of excellent behavior.

Posts like this make me SO proud of my kids... my staff assistant... my parents... and myself. We don't have a single bit of what you described. My kids are respectful and very sweet to each other. They would NEVER behave like this in front of me or my staff.

What is the world coming to? We have simply lost our way. Soon enough there won't be adults willing to fill these positions because the work is too hard for the low amount of money.

Protect yourself from burn out. You have to take care of YOU first.

Huggles to you
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Old 12-09-2010, 06:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kendallina View Post
It sounds like the entire group is in need of some extra help. What ages are your kids?

I have worked in groups of children where the behavior is so bad that it almost becomes 'survival' mode. Where you feel like you spend your whole day putting out fires... Do you feel like that's where things are now?

When I've worked in rooms like this before it can be so frustrating and make you really hate your days. Do you have support from the other parents?
The ages of the children are approximately 10 months to 5 years during the day. School age in the afternoon or on school holidays. Afterschoolmom asked how many there are. We really don't have that many. I guess we average around 10, sometimes less. The majority are 2-3 yrs.
And Kendallina, you described it perfectly! It seems like we spend the whole day "putting out fires". Of course some days are better than others, and some children listen better than others, but eventualy, it seems, even the good listeners become like the others.
So I guess this is our problem. Help! I don't know what else to do. I noticed today that I would try to praise them for something, and everyone was so loud they couldn't even hear me!
QualitTcare, I agree with your method of children's self control and how they should learn self control and not just have us trying to make a game of everything. (Besides that, I can't get them to listen long enough to explain the "game"!) I really believe that children need to learn how to listen and not just when they think it's a game. Children don't have any respect that even I was brought up with. If a person is talking to someone else (child or adult), you don't interrupt. You stand quietly and wait. One example of today's children: I was taking care of a toddler who had bumped their head really hard and was crying. I was afraid they would end up with a big lump. Another child walked up and kept trying to get my attention and yanking on my sleeve and everything. I patiently told her to wait a second. Immediately she took my head with her hands and forcefully turned it to face her instead of the hurt toddler. She was trying to tell me something that wasn't even an issue. They way she acted a person would have thought someone WAS on fire!
Okay everyone, help us out here. We need some major changes. I'm tired of being onto the children all day. I feel like I'm the mean old witch of the west. I know we're supposed to get on their level and explain everything to them. Like if they interrupt, then after you finish talking to the other person you should get down on the child's level and explain how they should wait quietly until the two people have finished talking. But if I did this for every issue every time, wow, nothing else would get done and I still wouldn't be able to talk to everyone about the problem because there's always several at once doing different things they shouldn't. We need Super Nanny!
By the way, just so everyone knows, this is a home daycare & preschool. I'm not the owner, so I don't have much authority toward discussing things with the parents. Termination of any of the children is NOT an option, so I can only work with what we have right now. Besides that, I love every one of the children in our care, so I wouldn't want to lose them...
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Old 12-09-2010, 07:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Preschool/daycare teacher View Post
I'm not the owner, so I don't have much authority toward discussing things with the parents. Termination of any of the children is NOT an option, so I can only work with what we have right now. Besides that, I love every one of the children in our care, so I wouldn't want to lose them...
So you're an assistant? Is the owner as frustrated with the chaos as you are? What does she think should be done to bring the control back to the adults? Is she willing to listen to ideas and try things to make that happen?

I don't know that I have any good ideas, but I'm sure there are a lot of people here who could really help you! I'm looking forward to hearing those ideas - it can get kind of crazy here sometimes when I have a bunch of kids
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Old 12-09-2010, 07:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Preschool/daycare teacher View Post
The ages of the children are approximately 10 months to 5 years during the day. School age in the afternoon or on school holidays. Afterschoolmom asked how many there are. We really don't have that many. I guess we average around 10, sometimes less. The majority are 2-3 yrs.
And Kendallina, you described it perfectly! It seems like we spend the whole day "putting out fires". Of course some days are better than others, and some children listen better than others, but eventualy, it seems, even the good listeners become like the others.
So I guess this is our problem. Help! I don't know what else to do. I noticed today that I would try to praise them for something, and everyone was so loud they couldn't even hear me!
QualitTcare, I agree with your method of children's self control and how they should learn self control and not just have us trying to make a game of everything. (Besides that, I can't get them to listen long enough to explain the "game"!) I really believe that children need to learn how to listen and not just when they think it's a game. Children don't have any respect that even I was brought up with. If a person is talking to someone else (child or adult), you don't interrupt. You stand quietly and wait. One example of today's children: I was taking care of a toddler who had bumped their head really hard and was crying. I was afraid they would end up with a big lump. Another child walked up and kept trying to get my attention and yanking on my sleeve and everything. I patiently told her to wait a second. Immediately she took my head with her hands and forcefully turned it to face her instead of the hurt toddler. She was trying to tell me something that wasn't even an issue. They way she acted a person would have thought someone WAS on fire!
Okay everyone, help us out here. We need some major changes. I'm tired of being onto the children all day. I feel like I'm the mean old witch of the west. I know we're supposed to get on their level and explain everything to them. Like if they interrupt, then after you finish talking to the other person you should get down on the child's level and explain how they should wait quietly until the two people have finished talking. But if I did this for every issue every time, wow, nothing else would get done and I still wouldn't be able to talk to everyone about the problem because there's always several at once doing different things they shouldn't. We need Super Nanny!
By the way, just so everyone knows, this is a home daycare & preschool. I'm not the owner, so I don't have much authority toward discussing things with the parents. Termination of any of the children is NOT an option, so I can only work with what we have right now. Besides that, I love every one of the children in our care, so I wouldn't want to lose them...
Have you talked with your owner/co-teacher about how things are going? What is their take on things?

Do you have a routine in place that includes time for outside/active play, sensory play, music, free play, etc.

Right now it seems the children know that they can get away with everything. Do you talk to them about their behavior - could even do it in small groups of 2-3 children. They could help set up some rules.

What is their environment like? How many rooms do you use? Are there enough toys to play without it being too many and overwhelming? Is there enough space for all the children?

Do the children get to make some of their own choices during the day?

Are there times when most of the children seem to be doing well? Like, at snack time or when you do a project together?

It's so hard to make suggestions without knowing more about the program. Maybe if you can answer those questions we'll have a better idea...
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