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  #1  
Old 04-05-2019, 08:27 AM
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lovemykidstoo lovemykidstoo is offline
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Default I'm Back with an Issue

Hi guys, I've been gone for awhile, but just got myself back on finally! I've missed you all!

I have an issue. I have an 11 month old (12 months in a couple of weeks). I have him 3 days a week from 8:00 to 4:45. I've had him since he was born. He has never slept all night and is up several times a night. He wants to sleep here all day. When he was just an infant I let him sleep whenever he wants. Now that he's almost a year, I've tried to get rid of morning nap and having him lay down with the other kids from 1 to 3:30/4:00. Mom keeps telling me how bad he is at night and how at midnight, 2:00, 3:00 or whatever time, they put him in the car and drive him around to get him to sleep and then let him sleep the rest of the night in the carseat in the living room while they sleep. Grandma has him the other 2 days and she's trying to get him away from the morning nap and just take an afternoon nap too. Like I said, this has been a problem with him up all night since he was born. So I just got back from vacation and he came 2 days. He came today and mom said he was good all week except the last day he came here, he was up at 3:00 am and they had to drive around town. So I guess it was my fault that he slept 3 hours on Tuesday.

So I texted mom to get clarification on some things. She said grandma lets him go to sleep at 1 and wakes him after 2 hours. So she wants me to wake him up after 2 hours, but yet texts me that on the weekend if he's screaming in the morning, she lets him sleep 1 hour and then two-three in the afternoon. So she can let him sleep 3 to 4 hours a day but I"m supposed to wake him after 2 hours? Are you getting that idea? I told him he has to sleep tonight or I will get blamed for it right in front of mom. I know passive agressive, but I hate that they're trying to blame their bad decisions on mine. So they let him rule the house during the night and I'm supposed to deal with him screaming during the day? What would you do other than term?
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Old 04-05-2019, 08:34 AM
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Can you try letting him take his morning nap? They say that not enough sleep can actually lead to little ones getting less sleep. Like a never ending cycle. Depends on the child, of course!
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Old 04-05-2019, 08:44 AM
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Originally Posted by knoxmomof2 View Post
Can you try letting him take his morning nap? They say that not enough sleep can actually lead to little ones getting less sleep. Like a never ending cycle. Depends on the child, of course!
Some days I do let him go down for 45 minutes and then get him up. Then back down with other kids. The problem is, summer is coming and I can't have him in the house by himself while I go out with other kids. When he's up alot at night, then he wants to come here and sleep 4 hours in the morning, then get up as soon as the other kids go down. It's not ideal.
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Old 04-05-2019, 08:49 AM
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Can you try letting him take his morning nap? They say that not enough sleep can actually lead to little ones getting less sleep. Like a never ending cycle. Depends on the child, of course!
Yes, I’d try letting him have a short morning nap for awhile, then phase it out.

The parents have created their own bad routine of driving him around during the night (seriously, what the heck?!?). It’s on them to fix that.
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Old 04-05-2019, 08:56 AM
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I have dealt with this issue so many times with cosleepers who are exhausted. The only thing that will work is sleep training in his own crib at night, meaning it is the parents who are causing this issue. Driving around etc means he is not getting quality sleep. At this age they need still and quiet.

I would let them know everything I said above and tell them that if you don’t see improvement you may need to let them go. They will only change if it starts affecting them.
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Old 04-05-2019, 09:03 AM
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Not to mention them leaving him a carseat sleeping while they sleep. I have told them 100 times how bad that is. They say, oh I know but we're desperate. I said buy earplugs!!!!

The problem now is, they say he only does that when he's here for the day, which is BS!
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Old 04-05-2019, 09:20 AM
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Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo View Post
Not to mention them leaving him a carseat sleeping while they sleep.
"What would you do other than term?"

I. Just. Can't Today.
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Old 04-05-2019, 10:03 AM
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I would be really straight up with mom and dad. I would have started sleep training about 7 months ago, but I still think it's possible to get him on board, if you can keep a consistent nap routine. If not or if it messes with your mental health or the mental health of the other children in your care, then the best thing to do is to terminate.

I would definitely bring back morning nap, because he has yet to conquer nap issues in general, so taking one away is only going to aggravate the situation. If he comes at 8, he eats and goes for nap from 9-10:30. Wake, eat, play, nap at 1 with the other kids. Put him in his crib and say night night. And then let him be. If it becomes too stressful for you, or you are not comfortable with letting him cry it out, then tell parents you will be calling for pickup and reconsider termination.
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Old 04-05-2019, 10:24 AM
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If mom brings it up again that he only does that on daycare days, I’d have a hard time not saying, “Well, clearly I’m the problem. Here’s your two weeks’ notice. Would you like a list of nearby daycare providers?”
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Old 04-05-2019, 11:30 AM
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Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff View Post
I would be really straight up with mom and dad. I would have started sleep training about 7 months ago, but I still think it's possible to get him on board, if you can keep a consistent nap routine. If not or if it messes with your mental health or the mental health of the other children in your care, then the best thing to do is to terminate.

I would definitely bring back morning nap, because he has yet to conquer nap issues in general, so taking one away is only going to aggravate the situation. If he comes at 8, he eats and goes for nap from 9-10:30. Wake, eat, play, nap at 1 with the other kids. Put him in his crib and say night night. And then let him be. If it becomes too stressful for you, or you are not comfortable with letting him cry it out, then tell parents you will be calling for pickup and reconsider termination.
Yes, to that ^^^

Even if he was sleeping well at night, I personally wouldn't try to meddle with a child that age having a morning nap.

And for the other stuff...

I would sympathize with the parents and try to explain that CIO might be a good option. Even my LO who has had medical issues, and who we had to feed in the night til she was almost two, when she started waking five times in the night at 9 mths, I did some CIO. I am not a super-being. It worked in a week, and we were back to 1-2 times waking in the night, which was the limit of my abilities.

I don't know that we can talk super-authoritatively on stuff that borders on being a medical issue though (sleep needs for infant). Have you asked them what their pediatrician recommends for the sleep? We know that all pedis have heard this exact same story a 1000 times.

And you could have them run the car seat sleep thing by the pedi too...
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Old 04-05-2019, 11:37 AM
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He sleeps here just fine. Actually he probably would sleep all day if I let him. The thing is, he has never slept good. Always up half the night. The reason I believe, is because he has slept at home either in the swing or carseat. This is what they told me when he was younger. The last time he went to the doctor they came and told me that the doctor said he was sleeping too much during the day. So they started telling me to not let him sleep, wake him up, etc. I asked if they told the doctor that he was sleeping in a carseat. Oh no they didn't tell him that because dad even said to me, we would get in trouble. The child, at home, has not been taught from day 1 how to get himself to sleep without some sort of comfort. So now they want me to keep him up nearly all day, so he just passes out at night. I said, he's going to be overtired and it's going to backfire. I have told them that to cure this, they're going to have to let him cry. He does not cry even for a minute when I lay him down here. Never has.

I've been trying to get rid of the morning nap, but I have on certain days let him have a short one. I won't let him sleep 4 hours right after he gets here. That messes him up for the whole day. I don't mind giving him a mini nap, but they don't even want me doing that. They want 2 hours a day and that's it.
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Old 04-05-2019, 11:40 AM
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Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo View Post
Not to mention them leaving him a carseat sleeping while they sleep. I have told them 100 times how bad that is. They say, oh I know but we're desperate. I said buy earplugs!!!!

The problem now is, they say he only does that when he's here for the day, which is BS!
Ask them what they are going to do when little one doesn't fit in a car seat any more. Its only going to get harder. If he sleeps for 4 hour naps, it likely isn't a medical issue causing sleep issues.

Many of my kiddos that age still need 2 naps. We are outside a ton, but If a child needs a nap, outside time works around the nap. Out after breakfast, in for a short nap, out until lunch then everyone naps. Can you bring a pack and play or crib outside for little one to morning nap in when the weather permits It? I would limit the length.

Maybe tell mom and dad to take a week off of work and work on the issue if they want to keep their spot.
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Old 04-05-2019, 01:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Rockgirl View Post
If mom brings it up again that he only does that on daycare days, I’d have a hard time not saying, “Well, clearly I’m the problem. Here’s your two weeks’ notice. Would you like a list of nearby daycare providers?”
Ha! Clearly outline what safe sleep consists of. Ask parents if they want to work together with you to solve this issue. Their answer will guide your next steps. If they say "yes" then have a list of non-negotiables: sleep in safe sleep environment only, consistent bedtime, etc. At 11 months of age, the child is too old to have inconsistent sleeping times. It WILL be a struggle to implement consistency, but the payoff will be worth it (stress that point). If parents aren't on board with your suggestions (you are the expert!), then the suggestion quoted above is great.
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Old 04-08-2019, 01:28 PM
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Are you licensed? Our licensing rules state that children under 1 must be kept on their own schedules, so I couldn't keep him awake or wake him early even if I wanted to. I think there may be one about not waking children over 12 months too.

It's amazing how many licensing rules I can find to back up my policies.
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Old 04-08-2019, 01:38 PM
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Are you licensed? Our licensing rules state that children under 1 must be kept on their own schedules, so I couldn't keep him awake or wake him early even if I wanted to. I think there may be one about not waking children over 12 months too.

It's amazing how many licensing rules I can find to back up my policies.
Same.
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Old 04-09-2019, 05:56 AM
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I have told them several times about how unsafe his sleeping in carseats/swings is. They just take the path of least resistance. Drives me nuts. I think finally they're just putting him in bed since he is too big for those things. So they told me that grandma wakes him up after 2 hours Well, grandma picked up friday and I asked her about that and I told her that mom and dad wanted me to wake up after 2 hours. She said don't you dare, I've told them that he needs his sleep and that I wont' wake him lol. So why do they bs me and think I'm stupid? Yesterday he wasn't feeling good, so I let him sleep about an hour in the morning and then he slept 3 hours in the afternoon. She texted me this morning keeping him home because he's all runny nose etc. He slept from 9 to 5 last night, so I guess it's not me lol
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burn out, death, enforcing policies - consistency, parent - its a verb, positional asphyxia, positional asphyxiation, safety of children, termination - reasons

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