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  #1  
Old 01-23-2020, 09:20 PM
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Default I Want to Replace DCB and Not Start DCG

I have a child that is stressing me out. DCf is great but Dcb2 needs to stop hurting others.

Example: DCB2.5 is playing on the floor with his back to the room. I am changing a diaper with my back to the room but can see dcb2.5 a bit. Dcb2 is playing on the other side of the room. Dcb2 gets quite and I get curious I turn a bit. Dcb2 is standing behind dcb2.5 and with his hands out. I say his name and turn back around to finish and then dcb2.5 starts crying. Dcb2 has pushed him over. When I look back dcb2 straighten up and smiles at me with a soft chuckle. (It was kinda creepy)

This is just one of many times he has done this or something similar. However many times he does it, he never seems to hurt anyone but make them cry.

He also cries during nap, at first I would try to comfort him, sleep him near me but it just seemed to make it worse. I now just ignore unless he comes out of the room. I also can't make any calls during nap because if he hears talking he cries louder. (He always looks tired)

When DCB started l had a lot of spots to fill and I didn't have many calls. I knew he hit his mom but she handled it well, so I thought it was a rare thing. I never expected that he would push/hit..... Just randomly like he does

(I tried to make him shadow me but I have to hold his hand the whole time and I can't get lunch made one handed. If I put him at the table with an activity, he throws it. Then just sits there repeating "eat" or "I eat" until lunch.)

Well DCM just had a baby (dcg) and she has mentioned once during the pregnancy that she wants the baby to come if I have an opening and the other day asked again if I had an opening, then commented on when her leave would end but didn't ask or say anymore. I told her yes both times but didn't offer any more than that.

1. I currently do not want any infants (I have an active group that needs to go outside)
2.With QRIS I agreed to stay under ratio and baby would make the DC maxed out until May
3. I think I need to term DCB before she asks again

Here's my question, when you are considering termination and you receive calls/emails and they ask your numbers/ages, do you include the family/child you want to eliminate?
(Cause I feel like I am lying if I don't)

How do you advertise with out DCf possibly seeing it?
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Old 01-24-2020, 02:55 AM
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I know this wasn't your question but have you tried talking with dcm and coming up with a behavioral plan for dcb? Can you put him in a separate area to play alone because he 'cannot hit others'? Hitting/pushing seems to be a common problem with 2 yos and it can be worked through. What about if you switch your room around so you're always facing what's going on? Kids look for that prime opportunity, even if it's only a mere second, to go on the attack. They love everybody's reaction and the attention it gives them. As for not wanting to take the infant, I'd give them notice on that as soon as you feel comfortable because sometimes infant care is difficult to find. They already believe you're going to take the baby so it'll be a shock. I'm not sure hiding the truth while seeking other dcfs is a good idea.

As for your actual question , when prospective dcfs ask ages/numbers, I'd just tell them you always keep to the state's regulations. IF you feel the need to answer that question just tell them your dc is currently in transition. Can you advertise through your state's resource and referral list?
Good luck and hope you can work this all out for a better group!
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Old 01-24-2020, 03:58 AM
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"How many kids do you have?"

"I am licensed for 6 kids."

"Yes, but how many do you have?"

"I am licensed for 6 kids. Do you have any other questions?"

I have one question. Why would you agree to keep fewer kids for QRIS? If you do that you are giving them permission to push for licensing to lower the ratios for all providers. That is their goal and you will be providing the fodder. "She can live on that amount and the kids thrived. Whee." We need to stand up for our profession as a group. They have already cut our ratios in half during the course of my career and I am not even 50, yet. Do not be manipulated, please.
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Old 01-24-2020, 05:10 AM
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I always answer number questions with I currently have X number if kids aged x - Y. It keeps it vague because it can change at any time.

You cant advertise without mom seeing it unless you tell her you have another spot opening up...but she will eventually know you were lying. I would term and then replace if possible.
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Old 01-24-2020, 05:11 AM
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I also never told perspective clients the age and ratio enrolled. I am licensed for 6 and am legal was all I shared.As far as child I would also set a small separate area up even a play pen.If child can be separated I felt if needed.I always had both infants and toddlers ,we went out every day.I often bottle fed infants while the children played outdoors.A nice stroller and a short walk got us into the yard.The fresh air and open spaces helped with behavior.This could just be a stage and he will grow out of it soon.I always found if I didn't take the sibling then both children left .
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Old 01-24-2020, 09:58 AM
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When I first opened I took everyone who asked because I wanted to get to capacity. I dealt with a dcb who had just turned 2 for the longest two months of my life. His tantrums were ridiculous, he was aggressive to the other hits, hit threw toys, choked another boy... we played outside like 5 hours a day and it didn't help his behavior. When he was placed in time out he would scream at the top of his lungs the entire time. He would cry and talk and disrupt nap and the beginning, middle and end. I finally termed them because he bit a boy so hard in the back it bled. Dcm had previous been a friend but I just couldn't handle the stress anymore. Best decision I ever made! My days are so much smoother and I dont have to watch like a hawk cuz a child will attack another at any moment unprovoked!




Quote:
Originally Posted by 284878 View Post
I have a child that is stressing me out. DCf is great but Dcb2 needs to stop hurting others.

Example: DCB2.5 is playing on the floor with his back to the room. I am changing a diaper with my back to the room but can see dcb2.5 a bit. Dcb2 is playing on the other side of the room. Dcb2 gets quite and I get curious I turn a bit. Dcb2 is standing behind dcb2.5 and with his hands out. I say his name and turn back around to finish and then dcb2.5 starts crying. Dcb2 has pushed him over. When I look back dcb2 straighten up and smiles at me with a soft chuckle. (It was kinda creepy)

This is just one of many times he has done this or something similar. However many times he does it, he never seems to hurt anyone but make them cry.

He also cries during nap, at first I would try to comfort him, sleep him near me but it just seemed to make it worse. I now just ignore unless he comes out of the room. I also can't make any calls during nap because if he hears talking he cries louder. (He always looks tired)

When DCB started l had a lot of spots to fill and I didn't have many calls. I knew he hit his mom but she handled it well, so I thought it was a rare thing. I never expected that he would push/hit..... Just randomly like he does

(I tried to make him shadow me but I have to hold his hand the whole time and I can't get lunch made one handed. If I put him at the table with an activity, he throws it. Then just sits there repeating "eat" or "I eat" until lunch.)

Well DCM just had a baby (dcg) and she has mentioned once during the pregnancy that she wants the baby to come if I have an opening and the other day asked again if I had an opening, then commented on when her leave would end but didn't ask or say anymore. I told her yes both times but didn't offer any more than that.

1. I currently do not want any infants (I have an active group that needs to go outside)
2.With QRIS I agreed to stay under ratio and baby would make the DC maxed out until May
3. I think I need to term DCB before she asks again

Here's my question, when you are considering termination and you receive calls/emails and they ask your numbers/ages, do you include the family/child you want to eliminate?
(Cause I feel like I am lying if I don't)

How do you advertise with out DCf possibly seeing it?
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  #7  
Old 01-24-2020, 12:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
I know this wasn't your question but have you tried talking with dcm and coming up with a behavioral plan for dcb? Can you put him in a separate area to play alone because he 'cannot hit others'? Hitting/pushing seems to be a common problem with 2 yos and it can be worked through. What about if you switch your room around so you're always facing what's going on? Kids look for that prime opportunity, even if it's only a mere second, to go on the attack. They love everybody's reaction and the attention it gives them. As for not wanting to take the infant, I'd give them notice on that as soon as you feel comfortable because sometimes infant care is difficult to find. They already believe you're going to take the baby so it'll be a shock. I'm not sure hiding the truth while seeking other dcfs is a good idea.

As for your actual question , when prospective dcfs ask ages/numbers, I'd just tell them you always keep to the state's regulations. IF you feel the need to answer that question just tell them your dc is currently in transition. Can you advertise through your state's resource and referral list?
Good luck and hope you can work this all out for a better group!
She knows he hits and she knows he cries, so I never saw the point of telling her what she knows. (She tells me at drop off what he does at home) The other day she was telling how he was acting out since the baby was born, I agreed with her but didn't say much more.

I agree hitting and pushing happens at this age but this is just different than what the other kids do.

There are other issues than the pushing, hitting, throwing toys at my windows..... he also does not know how to play, so putting him in a space would be just as annoying. He would most likely throw toys out one at a time, then start repeating "out" over and over.

I gave him play-doh and he threw it across the room. He will also push his plate on the floor during lunch if he does not like what we have and then just sit there asking for random food that is not being served. (I did talk to dcm about this) I make him pick it up and he does. I ignore as much as I can and not give him the 'negative attention" that he is seeking but that is the only attention he seeks.

When we come in from outside, I ask them all to get their things off. The DCB almost 2 does more than this DCB2, who is 6 months older. DCB2 will not even help get his things off, he just stands there with a blank stare on his face like he does not understand.
In another post, I posted how he makes it a struggle to get him ready to go out. He sits down backward on his snow pants and once I got them on him, he started to take them off, the same pants he won't help take off when we get back inside.
Yes, I tried, I had him watch the almost 2-year-old and my ds (20 months) and he still stays down backward and when I tried to turn him around, he says I lie down and starts too, which makes it harder. He repeats this the next time we go outside.

I am not allowed to use time out with him, (not until 3)

I have to keep the changing table near the doorway, closest to the bathroom, state law. Turning the table would block the doorway. It would also put a blind spot in the room behind the table.
I guess I could put him in the play yard during diaper changes but again any toys or books he would just throw out at the other kids and then stand there repeat the same phrase.

I am happy to hear any other suggestions you may have.
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Old 01-24-2020, 05:43 PM
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seat buckle chair? I know it sounds odd, but its worked for me. Well at least untill they figure out how to flip themselves and wear the chair as a "turtle shell" and crawl. I do this every diaper change if Im alone (center here). 3 kids strapped in and one on the table. We sing while i change, or talk about whats going on. Works even better if you can put hinm in the chair, in the middle of nowhere (where you can still see him) and let him be.
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Old 01-28-2020, 10:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flying_babyb View Post
seat buckle chair?.
I think that would fall under "provider can not restrain child", so I would not be comfortable doing that.

I had him stand next to the changing table yesterday while I changed another child. But the whole time I had to hear, "I go play"and that is technically the same as putting him in time out, here time out is not allowed until three.

I have plopped him in a chair at the table before with out saying a word to him and he has just stayed, watching us like he is watching TV. We always go about doing what ever and he just sits and repeats a phrase over and over. I always end up feeling guilty for doing it.
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Old 01-28-2020, 10:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rosieteddy View Post
I also never told perspective clients the age and ratio enrolled. I am licensed for 6 and am legal was all I shared.As far as child I would also set a small separate area up even a play pen.If child can be separated I felt if needed.I always had both infants and toddlers ,we went out every day.I often bottle fed infants while the children played outdoors.A nice stroller and a short walk got us into the yard.The fresh air and open spaces helped with behavior.This could just be a stage and he will grow out of it soon.I always found if I didn't take the sibling then both children left .
I do feed babies outside in the summer, but in the winter it does not work. Taking a warm bottle outside in feels like 20 degrees is like putting it in the freezer.


This stage he is in has been going on for six months. He is improving here and there but just yesterday he laid on a 20 month old that was laying on the floor playing. Just walked over and laid down on another child.
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Old 01-31-2020, 09:52 AM
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Maybe try putting him in playyard with x amount of soft toys.Do it after the first incident each day,when the toys are gone he can watch his friends play .Let him out "rinse repeat".So stress ful for you,but you need to protect all the kids right.
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Old 02-01-2020, 03:27 AM
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Just curious how it's going? Keeping a challenging little one can be very stressful and increase chances of burn out. Have you made a decision or talked with dcp anymore?
Looking back, I remember many instances when I truly should've terminated a child(and in 1 case a set of siblings, they were THE most challenging kids I ever had!!) and regret that I didn't. So if you don't feel he will pass through this stage quickly(it's never quick enough for us is it?? )and feel the best ending is termination, then by all means do it. You won't regret it.
And just tell prospective dcfs you stay within your state regs. and dc numbers are very often changing.
Wishing you much luck!!! Keep you and your business as sane as possible!
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Old 02-03-2020, 11:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
Just curious how it's going? Keeping a challenging little one can be very stressful and increase chances of burn out. Have you made a decision or talked with dcp anymore?
Looking back, I remember many instances when I truly should've terminated a child(and in 1 case a set of siblings, they were THE most challenging kids I ever had!!) and regret that I didn't. So if you don't feel he will pass through this stage quickly(it's never quick enough for us is it?? )and feel the best ending is termination, then by all means do it. You won't regret it.
And just tell prospective dcfs you stay within your state regs. and dc numbers are very often changing.
Wishing you much luck!!! Keep you and your business as sane as possible!

Well, today I had to close because my DS started throwing up just before DCB arrived. DCM had just texted that they were going to be late and then DS lost his breakfast. So I texted back right away.

Anyways, DCB is doing better, he has been stressing me less and he suddenly started removing his outdoor gear. Although I still struggle getting it on him.

He got hit by another child and I used that away to try to get him to understand hitting hurts.

I did fill the spot, new dcb will be starting Wednesday. I did it without advertising.
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Old 02-04-2020, 12:32 PM
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Glad dcb is doing a bit better and hope that trend continues! Congrats on filling a spot too

Hope ds feels better soon. Stomach bugs are nasty little things but thankfully kids are pretty resilient; keeping fingers crossed nobody else comes down with it!!
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Old 02-04-2020, 06:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
Glad dcb is doing a bit better and hope that trend continues! Congrats on filling a spot too

Hope ds feels better soon. Stomach bugs are nasty little things but thankfully kids are pretty resilient; keeping fingers crossed nobody else comes down with it!!
Ds has food poisoning and he still not feeling the greatest, doctors say there is nothing they can do, just keep him hydrated.
Today we only had one other child (and sa child) come. The other 2 kids were homesick. New DCB is starting in the morning.
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