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  #1  
Old 02-12-2020, 08:03 PM
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Default I Want Out

I just started in October and I already want out. Iím not sure how all of you do this, but I have even more respect for you all now. Itís not the kids. Itís the parents. The hours suck, too. By the time Iím done and clean up, cook, and put my child to bed itís time to sleep and do it all over again.
Today a parent said their child ďbarely gets like that at homeĒ as if I was the reason her child was super fussy. Forget that she came in telling me her child is super fussy and had Tylenol in her bag and is teething.
I pointed that out and she backtracked to saying sometimes her daughter got so upset that she got chocked crying so hard. (5 months old) Well I have never seen that here, I told her. But feel free to come get her if youíre concerned.
She wasnít concerned enough to tell me the dosage for Tylenol thought I asked all day. Said she couldnít remember and never managed to get with doctors office. I wonít give it without the parent telling me on writing the dosage and then me double checking it, just in case.
The poor thing was miserable all day. Had a hemorrhoid but they forgot her cream AGAIN. I said come get her. Her phone just happens to die right then and isnít miraculously back on until right before pick up.
Then she complains about a pic I sent of her childís red face from where sheíd been upset. (Wasnít the point of the pic, just an after effect of crying.)
She also paid late the last two weeks in a row. Before that I had to curtail insane messaging amounts through the day.
There are no other childcare places here. We all have waiting listsx I donít want to cost someone their job but I donít want to lose my sanity either. I open fifteen minutes early for this woman who is never actually here then. Sheís always running late. Fifteen minutes in the morning can equal it or cold (or no) coffee in the morning.
Iím so exhausted. Iím tired of parents being entitled. I have two amazing parents and Iíd love to drop everyone else.
My husband could use the help though and I donít want to let him or the family down. I donít want to seem like a quitter or failure. I have just never been paid so little for such hard work and long hours.
I get lip service appreciation but blatant disrespect that lets me know itís just that- lip service. Donít tell me you respect me and what o do and not pay me on time.
Plus, Iím a jerk. I donít set out to be, but I donít mind being one either if itís needed. I am biting my tongue in half more often than my woth these adults. I adore the kids.
If I term this mom, she will lose her job and I donít think I can live with that. I donít know if I can live with not terming her either.
I flat out addressed it when she came in saying it was weird that she felt bad today because she wasnít at all like this yesterday. I said are you implying that Iím not doing my job when you make those comments because thatís how itís coming across! Oh no, she claimed. Sheís tell me if she thought that. Bull. Youíd make more passive aggressive comments and backtrack when called out. She did complain about the pic and how t upset her, but as I took a deep breath to let it all out she said it
was her own fault for not bringing her medicine and having Tylenol without knowing her dosage. (This 5 month old weighs a few pounds less than my two year old so I wouldnít even want to guess. Having it k writing from mom is just a liability thing for me.)
I did tell her that in the future, if sheís fussy and Iím not gonna have what I need to help her - she needs to stay home. Period.
I know Iím rambling. Im just exhausted and so sick of it. Iím thinking of giving her like a months notice or something, though the idea of that makes me want to cry. This mom is always forgetting this kids cream or whatever. Twice last week alone she showed up in the same outfit sheís left in the day before. I was crying mad the second morning. The excuse being they donít wanna dry her skin out for a bath every day.
Her ears are always so dirty after sheís been home a few days without me. Behind her ears and under her neck always need a good scrub when she comes back to me. I just stay upset about it. Today she said she couldnít focus on work because of the picture and worrying. Yet she didnít worry enough to get the dosage from doc or pick her up early. Iím gonna end up snapping.
How do you all stay sane? After work and family there is no time for balance.
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  #2  
Old 02-12-2020, 08:17 PM
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1. Are you sure you have a right to give to kids any medications?
2. If a kid needs Tailenol, that kid must stay home.
3. Parents' problems are not your problem. So, so you don't need to worry if she lost her job. She must worry about it. I would let her know by written notice that if she is late one more time for drop off/pick up/payment, you will terminate the contract with her immediately.
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  #3  
Old 02-12-2020, 10:21 PM
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You need to take control of your business. Do you a handbook? Did you charge large fees for those late payments? Never open early or stay open late for a parent. If you give parents an inch, they will take a mile.

If you have a waitlist, term this family and replace with a different one that respects you. You are in charge, not the parents.
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Old 02-13-2020, 02:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jenboo View Post
You need to take control of your business. Do you a handbook? Did you charge large fees for those late payments? Never open early or stay open late for a parent. If you give parents an inch, they will take a mile.

If you have a waitlist, term this family and replace with a different one that respects you. You are in charge, not the parents.
Yes to this! Take charge and stop having these back n forth conversations with dcm. Make sure your policies are airtight and stick to them 100%. And do not worry about dcm and her future dc plans; she's reaping what she sows. This is your business and from what I've seen, when providers take back their business, they see the more positive aspects of it. Sure, burn out still happens to the best of us, but I truly believe it'd help if you called the shots instead of dcm having a say, ex. lateness paying dc=extra charge for late payment. Any time over her enrolled hours=over time pay. Child has a fever=illness policy goes into affect and child goes home, cannot return until she's fever free(without medication)for 24(and some dcps use 48) hours. Dcparents will respect you much more when you stand up for your business and not accept their misbehavior. As for the Tylenol, if it's simply teething discomfort there are other comforting methods.
Good luck!! This time of year is challenging for everybody, between sickness, cold dark, being inside more.
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  #5  
Old 02-13-2020, 03:58 AM
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I tell parents if their child is sick enough to need Tylenol, they are too sick for daycare. I had a parent who wanted me to medicate their children, and I finally got to the point that enough was enough. If I were you, I would start trying to find another family to replace this one with. Then, once you have someone lined up, (or before if mom keeps this mess up) go ahead and give mom notice. You are not responsible for her job. As the parent, she is responsible for giving correct dosages for medications (or not sending them at all), for caring for her sick child, and for respecting her child care provider.

This is a hard job, but is 100% better with really good families who respect the work you do. Trust me - I was there with you just a few short weeks ago. I have a new family who took the place of the family that was making my life miserable, and it is totally a night and day difference! Feel free to vent with us too. That always helps me, and helps me not feel so alone in this job. Have a wonderful day!!
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  #6  
Old 02-13-2020, 04:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I’m gonna end up snapping.
How do you all stay sane? After work and family there is no time for balance.
What you are describing is why most providers close/leave the field within the first two years.

I stay sane by taking charge and planning in advance. My program flows smoothly, now. In the first few years I tried to be "flexible" which simply translates into doing more for others than they are willing to do for you. I had to stop that. Their life choices and circumstances were their own, I did not need to borrow their troubles, life will happily give me my own. I need to prepare for that. This is a business, not a charity or social service.
  • Anything that takes time or money from my family is an automatic and hard NO. Time is more valuable to me than money at this stage of my life. Others will be the opposite.
  • I get up early (430A) to do my housework/laundry, prep, cook and plan for the day so that when the clock hits 530P I close the door to the daycare and don't look back. I take a walk outdoors each evening to delete the stress of the day.
  • I enforce my policies across the board, every time, no excuses.
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  #7  
Old 02-13-2020, 05:27 AM
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Welcome to the world of in-home childcare. To make it long-term you need to Make strong policies and enforce them. Some parents are just like the children, if there are boundaries they will try to test them. Tell her she has to pay Friday before for the next week and if she hasn't paid by Monday morning, no childcare. Id tell her no offense, but you can't afford to work for free, can she? Of course, there are some mommies and daddies who won't believe you: they think we are home just for fun but that is their problem. Not yours.


You want to have a strong contract and strong policies? And don't apologize. if you need to tell them it's you, not them. If you need to tell them it's regulations. not you.

Avoid giving medication at all costs it is a huge liability and one that you don't need to take on unless they are absolutely necessary like in the case of the life-threatening allergy. If kids need any medication, do you need to have a medication authorization form? If so, make sure you have it.

Pick up a copy of Nanny De's book, the Daycare Whisperer. It will save you the time and frustration of wondering why my parents are acting the way they are, she gets to the heart of most of the types of perents you will run into while you're providing care, And how best to handle them. LOL, it took me 10 years to pick up the book and reading it now I can put faces with each chapter.

Build breaks into your day, make sure that you have a scheduled quiet time for so that you can get that break. Don't shorten nap time or not do it, just because a parent asks you to. These kids need time in the evenings with their mommies and daddies and you need that break.

Hugs to you, I remember being there. This can be a good job, but you need to make it work for you.
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  #8  
Old 02-13-2020, 05:34 AM
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As everyone has said YOU are in control of your business. It wonít eliminate all of the headaches from parents but it sure feels good to tell a parent NO! Stand up for yourself because in the end they need you more than you need them. I have never had a parent terminate care yet over enforced rukes that they agreed to.

Parents think they are your employer when they first start out. It is up to you to let them know you provide a service that has specific parameters to follow. If they do not like that service they can go elsewhere. Being afraid to lose families will make this job infinitely harder because you feel afraid to enforce your rules thus leading to burnout quickly!

Every time I enforce a rule, take a sick day, take a personal day or take vacation I am showing my parents and myself that I matter.
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Old 02-13-2020, 06:41 AM
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I struggle with this, too. There are so many times that I've wanted to quit. I look forward to the day I can drastically downsize or quit all together.

I try to think of the positives. Like, I'm able to be home when my kids get home from school, I am my own boss and make my own rules, if I want a day off I don't need to ask anyone for permission, etc.

I think parents are the worst part of this job. A good family can make this job so much better, just like a bad family can cause so much stress and resentment.

I've grown more of a backbone over time. It's taken me getting burned over and over, but I've learned that other people's problems are not my problem. I've learned that my family and my needs always come first. I find it helps having something to look forward to and taking random days off to do nothing every once in a while.

This is a very thankless, isolating job. Unless you're a provider yourself, it's hard to understand what we deal with.

I hope things get better for you
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Old 02-13-2020, 06:57 AM
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A friend of mine that quit years ago told me she quit due to the "being a therapist" every morning to drama parents.

I can't quit just yet, but I totally see what she meant.

Things-are-a-changing for sure!
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Old 02-13-2020, 07:40 AM
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Where I am, we canít give medication without specific training and certification. To me, it wasnít worth the time, expense or liability. If a child is so miserable every day, they need Tylenol to cope, then that child needs to be at home. If a child is truly teething and pain reliever will help, parent is certainly welcome to come in and administer the dosage themselves as long as the parent isnít disruptive to the program.

Iíd be wary of a parent so upset about a photo of their child crying that they couldnít focus. It seems like the conversations with the parent have gotten personal and that would be my cue to determine the current arrangement is not a good fit.

If youíre opening early for someone not showing up early then stop opening early. Do you charge this person extra for your time? I would. Suddenly, the need for you to open early will stop.

Set policies and enforce them. If thereís a new request that you donít already have a policy for, donít agree on the spot. Think about it and get back to them. Consider that if you agree once, it will be their expectation going forward.

About 10 months after I first opened, I closed one day because I had gotten the stomach bug. One parent asked if I could stay open and have my assistant cover for me so the parent wouldnít have to take the day off work. I didnít offer any one of the myriad of reasons why not. I just answered a hard ďNO!Ē The parent hasnít overstepped a boundary in the 3 years since.

I find it interesting how us caregivers feel guilty for terming people because of how it affects their lives, when they show no concern for how their violation of our policies affect ours.
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Old 02-13-2020, 07:56 AM
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In my experience, the first 3 years are the hardest.
I think it's because we, as providers, go into this business with the mindset that people are generally good and do what's best for their child, family and the other kids!
In reality, adults look out for themselves and expect providers to pick up the parenting slack.

For me, the secret to longevity (and avoiding burnout) was not giving a hoot about what they think or if I'll lose them or if I'm being "fair". In other words- not care about anything but doing the right thing for MY group/MY family/MY business.

Come up with the hours you want to work or are realistic (avoid the 10+ hour days). Stick with that and don't cave to the wants of others. Saying no is a necessity.
Come up with policies that are in the best interest of YOU and the group. 100% stick to them all the time. No exceptions or excuses. If you look at it realistically- you shouldn't be giving anyone preferential treatment or permission to break the rules anyway. Treating everyone the same is best business practice- so sticking to those policies with that mindset is fair and good business.
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Old 02-13-2020, 08:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowmom View Post

For me, the secret to longevity (and avoiding burnout) was not giving a hoot about what they think or if I'll lose them or if I'm being "fair". In other words- not care about anything but doing the right thing for MY group/MY family/MY business.
Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!!!

When you do/say things for fear of how others react or how it effects them, you are giving them to the power to control you and your business.

Take the power from them and you will find your happy place.
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Old 02-13-2020, 08:36 AM
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Default Thank you all

Your advice and encouragement has been a life-saver! They kept her home today and the air feels lighter in my home. I have to just protect my headspace and my the vibe in my house.

Iím giving them notice. I donít thknk Mom wants to be away from her baby anyway. I think thatís a lot of the problem.

Thanks again.
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Old 02-13-2020, 08:57 AM
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This is all part of the excruciating learning curve and yes, parents are worse than the kids!

This is your 5th month into it. It is normal to be overwhelmed when you've just started out and there are just some things that you learn on the job from which you adapt so be patient with yourself, even when angry/frustrated with parents, as you learn the business. As time goes by and you gain experience and confidence, you will become clear on what kind of program, parents and kids you want and you will not tolerate the ish anymore i.e. inconsiderate parents.

Take the invaluable advice of the experienced members on here. You are the boss of you...not the parents! Just wooooosahhh! You've got this!
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Old 02-13-2020, 09:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!!!

When you do/say things for fear of how others react or how it effects them, you are giving them to the power to control you and your business.

Take the power from them and you will find your happy place.
This is so very TRUE!
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Old 02-13-2020, 10:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Your advice and encouragement has been a life-saver! They kept her home today and the air feels lighter in my home. I have to just protect my headspace and my the vibe in my house.

Iím giving them notice. I donít thknk Mom wants to be away from her baby anyway. I think thatís a lot of the problem.

Thanks again.
Good for you! It will be a huge relief, being rid of them. Now going forward with new families, confidently enforce your policies. It sounds like with the lack of available child care in your area, that you can be choosy in who you enroll.
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Old 02-13-2020, 10:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Your advice and encouragement has been a life-saver! They kept her home today and the air feels lighter in my home. I have to just protect my headspace and my the vibe in my house.

I’m giving them notice. I don’t thknk Mom wants to be away from her baby anyway. I think that’s a lot of the problem.

Thanks again.
I think I have only termed 3 times. I never regretted it!

Another thing I had to come to terms with is how little parents actually care about their kid, or at least they do not care about them as much as I did. When you get to the point where you care more than they do it is either time to let go of them or let go of your idea that you can help them. Basically just let go of all expectations and run your business the way you want.
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Old 02-13-2020, 06:09 PM
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Default I did it. Thanks again

I let her know today. I did find her a spot with a new provider. The ONLY spot I could find. I just didnít want to impact her job that way.

My husband and I talked to over and I love the other parents I have my so for now Iím not filling that final spot. When Iím ready to risk it again, I will. If I ever am. Iím quite content with who is left.

Thanks again for the reminder that I canít be responsible for everyone else!
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Old 02-14-2020, 02:33 AM
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Quote:
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I let her know today. I did find her a spot with a new provider. The ONLY spot I could find. I just didnít want to impact her job that way.

My husband and I talked to over and I love the other parents I have my so for now Iím not filling that final spot. When Iím ready to risk it again, I will. If I ever am. Iím quite content with who is left.

Thanks again for the reminder that I canít be responsible for everyone else!
Here's hoping your job improves greatly now and you can feel much better about it!!
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Old 02-20-2020, 11:09 AM
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I just started in October and I already want out. Iím not sure how all of you do this, but I have even more respect for you all now. Itís not the kids. Itís the parents. The hours suck, too. By the time Iím done and clean up, cook, and put my child to bed itís time to sleep and do it all over again.
Today a parent said their child ďbarely gets like that at homeĒ as if I was the reason her child was super fussy. Forget that she came in telling me her child is super fussy and had Tylenol in her bag and is teething.
I pointed that out and she backtracked to saying sometimes her daughter got so upset that she got chocked crying so hard. (5 months old) Well I have never seen that here, I told her. But feel free to come get her if youíre concerned.
She wasnít concerned enough to tell me the dosage for Tylenol thought I asked all day. Said she couldnít remember and never managed to get with doctors office. I wonít give it without the parent telling me on writing the dosage and then me double checking it, just in case.
The poor thing was miserable all day. Had a hemorrhoid but they forgot her cream AGAIN. I said come get her. Her phone just happens to die right then and isnít miraculously back on until right before pick up.
Then she complains about a pic I sent of her childís red face from where sheíd been upset. (Wasnít the point of the pic, just an after effect of crying.)
She also paid late the last two weeks in a row. Before that I had to curtail insane messaging amounts through the day.
There are no other childcare places here. We all have waiting listsx I donít want to cost someone their job but I donít want to lose my sanity either. I open fifteen minutes early for this woman who is never actually here then. Sheís always running late. Fifteen minutes in the morning can equal it or cold (or no) coffee in the morning.
Iím so exhausted. Iím tired of parents being entitled. I have two amazing parents and Iíd love to drop everyone else.
My husband could use the help though and I donít want to let him or the family down. I donít want to seem like a quitter or failure. I have just never been paid so little for such hard work and long hours.
I get lip service appreciation but blatant disrespect that lets me know itís just that- lip service. Donít tell me you respect me and what o do and not pay me on time.
Plus, Iím a jerk. I donít set out to be, but I donít mind being one either if itís needed. I am biting my tongue in half more often than my woth these adults. I adore the kids.
If I term this mom, she will lose her job and I donít think I can live with that. I donít know if I can live with not terming her either.
I flat out addressed it when she came in saying it was weird that she felt bad today because she wasnít at all like this yesterday. I said are you implying that Iím not doing my job when you make those comments because thatís how itís coming across! Oh no, she claimed. Sheís tell me if she thought that. Bull. Youíd make more passive aggressive comments and backtrack when called out. She did complain about the pic and how t upset her, but as I took a deep breath to let it all out she said it
was her own fault for not bringing her medicine and having Tylenol without knowing her dosage. (This 5 month old weighs a few pounds less than my two year old so I wouldnít even want to guess. Having it k writing from mom is just a liability thing for me.)
I did tell her that in the future, if sheís fussy and Iím not gonna have what I need to help her - she needs to stay home. Period.
I know Iím rambling. Im just exhausted and so sick of it. Iím thinking of giving her like a months notice or something, though the idea of that makes me want to cry. This mom is always forgetting this kids cream or whatever. Twice last week alone she showed up in the same outfit sheís left in the day before. I was crying mad the second morning. The excuse being they donít wanna dry her skin out for a bath every day.
Her ears are always so dirty after sheís been home a few days without me. Behind her ears and under her neck always need a good scrub when she comes back to me. I just stay upset about it. Today she said she couldnít focus on work because of the picture and worrying. Yet she didnít worry enough to get the dosage from doc or pick her up early. Iím gonna end up snapping.
How do you all stay sane? After work and family there is no time for balance.

I know you have many replies so this might sound redundant... but, I totally get everything youíre going through. Itís a hard job and parents can make or break the deal especially if the child is more difficult. I have been in childcare for 17 years, mainly so I can be available to our own kids when needed and I enjoy the kids. however, the padt 2 years have thought me a valuable lesson - If a child is difficult, let them go before you lose your sanity ( trust me, if you are stressed, itís unhealthy for you and your own family- nobody wins). Sometimes getting a new family can help if the parents are more responsible and the kids are a joy. But if you find yourself unhappy again, you need to make a change again. It just isnít worth it. After 17 years, I am calling it quits and closing my doors permanently. The past 2 years I just havenít had the best situations ( parent wanting pick up late all the time and another child who is way too hyper and annoys the other kids in my care). I just took a part time job a couple days ago ( start next month) and I couldnít be happier! I tried to push myself for 2 years now and have only really suffered frustration- no more. my happiness and sanity is just as valuable as everyone elses in my family. how can you care for your own family when your health is gping downhill? just a thought.
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