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Old 03-03-2010, 06:06 PM
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Default When They Won't Listen....

I was wondering what everyone else does when a child just will not listen. If you ask them to clean up (or stop doing something they shouldn't be) and they walk off instead, what do you do? I go up to them, get on their level, tell them it is time to clean up and if they do not they won't be able to play with that toy(s) later. But usually they still ignore it, and go about doing whatever they want. If I try to take them firmly by the hand and lead them to the toys, most of them pull away and do a sit down strike. Most of them I can just pick up and stand them on their feet again, but there are some who are already too heavy to constantly be lifting like that. I then end up telling them that if they won't listen, I'll have to give them a time out for not listening. Most of the time, they end up in time-out, although time-outs aren't supposed to be used for that are they? They don't do any good, and it doesn't make sense for them to get one just because they "didn't listen". So what's a good alternative? I'm consistant with them and if they don't clean up something, I won't let them play it later that day, but usually later never comes because by that time, they don't care about it anymore and are onto something else. In a daycare and preschool environment, what are "allowed" forms of discipline for this type of thing?
Also, In my preschool class there's also always one who continues talking and not paying any attention. If I ask a question, or try to read to the class, or explain how to do the next activity, they ignore me, and keep right on talking to whoever (no matter who) is beside them. The other's usually listen and participate well, so I know it's not that I'm THAT boring, but they are easily distracted by the child who continues talking to them. When I tell this child that either they quit talking or they have to move and sit beside someone else (or by themselves), they continue talking anyway, so I tell them where they need to move to. But they won't. Am I doing something wrong? I feel like a child should listen and do what they're told without having to use time-out on them just because they didn't. If they are having a tantrum and need to calm down, or they hurt someone else or do something that could possibly injure themselves, another child, or toys/furniture then by all means they'll be receiving a time-out, but what about simply not listening?
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Old 03-04-2010, 02:35 AM
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Unfortunately there is not much we can do other than remove them from the situation and put them on time out. I too get so tired of asking children to put things away, settle down, sit at the table quietly and eat, etc, etc. After being asked a couple times they are just removed from the situation to sit alone to spew about it.
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Old 03-04-2010, 03:03 AM
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Unfortunately there is not much we can do other than remove them from the situation and put them on time out. I too get so tired of asking children to put things away, settle down, sit at the table quietly and eat, etc, etc. After being asked a couple times they are just removed from the situation to sit alone to spew about it.

Time outs are a joke in my opinion. They do nothing to improve the behavior of a young child. What they do accomplish is to give the adult in charge a reprieve by removing a disruptive or misbehaving child from the situation.

An adult should not have to ask a child more than 1 time to do something.

I reread your post. I would announce at the beginning of the activity the rules. If a child violates the rules, they are immediately removed from the situation and are placed off to sit by themself. No telling them at the time of the disruption to be quiet, you already did that. Just quickly remove them from the group. Like you said, you tell them over and over. Just remove them and save your voice.
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Old 03-04-2010, 05:15 AM
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If timeouts dont work tell the child that if he does not pickup the toys you will take them away. I found this also works good for ruff playing, stepping on & kicking toy from not watching where they are walking. The 1st day by the end of the day the kids had 3 toys left. They do much better now.
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Old 03-04-2010, 05:23 AM
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What about some positive reinforcement, or good old fashioned bribery?
Get something inexpensive and easy that the kids all want - some shiny glittery stickers, a hand stamp, or a small prize of some sort (oriental trading or a party supply store are great for things likes this that are often ten cents each) and do a "treasure box" - then if they follow the rules all day, they get a special sticker, prize, etc. right before pick up. I had to do this with my older kids, only since they're not little I make them wait until Friday to choose a treasure. It works like a charm - and the odd man out who doesn't get a treasure usually tries harder the next time, because they see that everyone else got a treat and they did not. Ever since I started this, my grade schoolers are so much better at following the rules, and all I have to say is "who's not getting a treasure on Friday?" and they all straighten up immediately!
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Old 03-04-2010, 05:41 AM
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I did try this treasure box thing......I had a little boy who was a demon child, he never got anything, and I was constantly explaining to the parents why he didn't get something.

Maybe I will try a series of stickers......get one if playing nice and do as your told, take it away when get in trouble...no prizes, just stickers. I don't think kids should be bribed to do things that are a part of "life and learning" experiences.
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Old 03-04-2010, 07:01 AM
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Default Time-Outs are a must

First, you have to set the expectation. You do this by ALWAYS giving a countdown on how much time there is left to play before cleaning up. "5 minutes....3 minutes...okay, now it is time." You have set the expectation and they should know what to do. By continuing to repeat yourself, "clean up...i said clean up...it's time to clean up....I told you to clean up....if you dont clean up you will be in time out...i'm counting to 3! (etc, etc)" you are teaching the child to not do the action until it is absolutely necessary and you are exasperated from telling them! You are basically teaching them to not listen to you the first time you say something. If they do not clean up after you have set the expectation, they go to time-out. You can say something like, "How sad. You chose not to help us clean. Feel free to join us when you are ready to clean-up." Make sure there is a little something left for them to clean-up if they decide to stay sitting in time-out.

If they are younger ones (under 2 1/2 or so) it is most important to model, model, model and verbalize while you are modeling. "Hmm...I think I am going to pick up all these cars, because I love playing with cars and I want to have the choice to play with them later. I'm going to make sure they go in this blue tub right here. It feels good to know where my toys are and to have a clean room!" They will pick up what you are doing and "help out" and then eventually do it on their own. What goes in, comes out!
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Old 03-04-2010, 08:22 AM
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Quote:
I don't think kids should be bribed to do things that are a part of "life and learning" experiences.
I think that there's nothing wrong with rewarding good behavior. I'm not saying you have to buy them ponies or give them money...merely that if there's something to look forward to other than NOT getting punished (even if it's just a few minutes of extra playtime or a hug and a "good job"), they may be more mindful of their behavior.
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Old 03-04-2010, 08:46 AM
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I used to have a treasure box and reward systems and behavior charts etc...but the kids got more focused on doing the right thing so they can get something in return and I spent too much time maintaining the system. I dont think that is teaching young children good life lessons nor is it a good use of my time. These types of methods work for some and I think you should try them if you think it will help. We all learn from trial and error. I would not have come to my opinion/conclusion without excitedly planning and implimenting many of these systems throughout the years. I do reward good behavior with a treat every now and then so I am not saying there is no place for rewards. But I do not like to use them on a regular basis to get kids to do what I ask.
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:03 AM
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One thing that works for cleaning up is to tell the child who is not participating to clean up a specific item, such as the blocks. They can't move on to the next task until they have finished.

OR

If they haven't been cleaning up tell everyone to stop before they are complete and have that child finish the rest of the toys by themselves...
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Old 03-04-2010, 11:12 AM
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Originally Posted by jen View Post
One thing that works for cleaning up is to tell the child who is not participating to clean up a specific item, such as the blocks. They can't move on to the next task until they have finished.

OR

If they haven't been cleaning up tell everyone to stop before they are complete and have that child finish the rest of the toys by themselves...
I do this as well. Giving everyone a different job tends to help the kids focus on one thing and they know they will be held accountable for it.
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Old 03-04-2010, 05:04 PM
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I do this as well. Giving everyone a different job tends to help the kids focus on one thing and they know they will be held accountable for it.
I do this too, but I say "Johnny, what are you in CHARGE of for clean up" I have one little guy who loves to pick up if he feels he's "in charge" (even though he's doing exactly what I want him to do!
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Old 03-04-2010, 06:03 PM
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I am also a strong believer of the countdown to clean up, or whatever activity is next. Most of them do much better when they are told what's coming in 5 minutes, then 2. But it still doesn't work on some of them. They'll just go find something else to play. .
I used to use the Treasure Box re-inforcement in my preschool class, but it gets complicated to remember who can and cannot get a prize. Maybe it's time to try it again...
Any ideas for a preschool class when a certain child continues to talk and goof off and not listen to you? While I'm reading, during circle time (when we go over counting, days of the week, etc), before an activity when I'm trying to explain how to do it, etc. They continue to talk as if I'm not even there. The others who normally listen to me do the natural thing and respond to the person talking to them, which then means there's 2 not listening, then another child joins in, and on it goes. It hasn't been like this from the very beginning, but this one preschooler inparticular has been doing it a LOT lately. If I tell her to move to another seat because she's talking too much and not listening, she just crosses her arms on the table top and puts her head down so she doesn't have to look at me, then shakes her head no. She's really big for her age, so I can't physically pick her up and move her.
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Old 03-04-2010, 07:16 PM
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I agree with AfterSchoolMom..not bribery but a reward system. I have a chart for my daycare kids and own kids. If they do well for the day they earn a sticker for the day..earn 5 stickers M-F and they earn a prize at the end of the week..I go with a dollar store item..some want a pack of gum, others a yo yo, or a king size candy bar.

It doesn't have to be a big prize, you would be surprized at what motivates the kids. I know it's frustrating because they should know it's moral to listen, but some need that something to look forward to. Those that choose to listen and be good gets a surprise..those that don't..sorry, you need to work harder. If the bad ones see the good ones getting rewarded, maybe they will turn their behavior around.

Also I like to praise those that are doing well...sometimes it helps the ones that don't like to listen because they want that praise too so they will follow suite.

Then there are some days they won't listen no matter what system you are using! When I get a bad few days or a week I just think to myself that something has to change because what I am doing isn't working any longer. So far my sticker chart/reward system has been in place since the beginning of Jan. and it's working rather well. The kids love looking forward to their little surprize at the end of the week...and if they all work together and have a good month, I throw them a pizza party at the end of the month.
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Old 03-05-2010, 06:11 AM
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I have mostly 2 and 3 year olds, but I get them to clean up by first counting down til its time, then I set a timer and say "Ready, Set, Go!" They know the game is to pick up as much as they can before the timer goes off. Sometimes I close my eyes so they can "surprise" me, other times I watch to see who wins. Of course they all win if they all help, and those who help get lots of hugs and praise.
I rarely ever have anyone who doesnt help, but when I do, I just explain to them that it makes me very happy when everyone helps to clean up the toys they get out, and maybe they can do their part by clearing the table after lunch and cleaning up the mats after nap time.
I will do timeouts is if they flat out refuse to cooperate at all. If I ask them directly, Please pick up that car. and they refuse to do it, I say ok, lets go to timeout then, and you can pick up the car when your done. No warnings, I dont give in, no one does it for them when they are in timeout. the kids learn after only a day or 2 here that they need to do what I ask the first time.
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Old 03-05-2010, 06:33 AM
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I have mostly 2 and 3 year olds, but I get them to clean up by first counting down til its time, then I set a timer and say "Ready, Set, Go!" They know the game is to pick up as much as they can before the timer goes off. Sometimes I close my eyes so they can "surprise" me, other times I watch to see who wins. Of course they all win if they all help, and those who help get lots of hugs and praise.
I rarely ever have anyone who doesnt help, but when I do, I just explain to them that it makes me very happy when everyone helps to clean up the toys they get out, and maybe they can do their part by clearing the table after lunch and cleaning up the mats after nap time.
I will do timeouts is if they flat out refuse to cooperate at all. If I ask them directly, Please pick up that car. and they refuse to do it, I say ok, lets go to timeout then, and you can pick up the car when your done. No warnings, I dont give in, no one does it for them when they are in timeout. the kids learn after only a day or 2 here that they need to do what I ask the first time.
I love this!! I do fun little things like this also!!!
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