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Sunshine74 10:53 AM 08-19-2015
We have a newish DCB who has been coming for a month, slowly increasing to 4 days a week. The first few weeks were rough as he was transitioning, as he'd never been away from parents or grandma. He's doing much better, only cries a half a minute at drop off, and sometimes during transitions. And he plays the rest of the day. The problem is, when DCD comes in for pick up, DCB immediately stops what he is doing and bawls hysterically.
I have reassured DCD that sometimes it happens, some kids get emotional from the excitement of seeing the parent, from missing them during the day, etc. But DCD still seems anxious over DCB's reaction. He knows that DCB plays, because he has come in and watched when DCB didn't know he was there. But I don't know how to keep DCB happy when DCD gets there.
I have reassured DCD that sometimes it happens, some kids get emotional from the excitement of seeing the parent, from missing them during the day, etc. But DCD still seems anxious over DCB's reaction. He knows that DCB plays, because he has come in and watched when DCB didn't know he was there. But I don't know how to keep DCB happy when DCD gets there.
childcaremom 11:01 AM 08-19-2015
I think you've given dcd a good explanation of why the behaviour is occurring. Dcd knows he is happy as he's seen him playing. I would just let it work it's course.
littletots 11:03 AM 08-19-2015
Very common child care transitions. You'll find books, articles, songs to help. Had 3yr do same. Family pulled from last provider bc thought he was being harmed. Nothing transition techniques can't fix. Let parents know what your trying to do on your end. They will feel your being proactive. I go a cd & played songs at end of day to prepare child for pickup. I didn't talk to parent at pickup allowing all attention to go towards child/parent. We communicated by email.
MyAngels 11:55 AM 08-19-2015
I had a parent pull their child over this once. The dad just couldn't handle that his child was unhappy when he came to pick up. I learned a bit later from the mother that he was putting a lot of pressure on his child at home "Don't you miss daddy during the day? Daddy misses you so much. You're making daddy sad" and the like. Poor kid. Maybe talk to the parents about their reactions to the situation and how they can help make the transitions easier.
midaycare 12:31 PM 08-19-2015
Originally Posted by Sunshine74:
We have a newish DCB who has been coming for a month, slowly increasing to 4 days a week. The first few weeks were rough as he was transitioning, as he'd never been away from parents or grandma. He's doing much better, only cries a half a minute at drop off, and sometimes during transitions. And he plays the rest of the day. The problem is, when DCD comes in for pick up, DCB immediately stops what he is doing and bawls hysterically.
I have reassured DCD that sometimes it happens, some kids get emotional from the excitement of seeing the parent, from missing them during the day, etc. But DCD still seems anxious over DCB's reaction. He knows that DCB plays, because he has come in and watched when DCB didn't know he was there. But I don't know how to keep DCB happy when DCD gets there.
Is he bawling because he is having fun and doesn't want to go home? This happens to my dck's quite a bit. They don't want to come and don't want to leave.We have a newish DCB who has been coming for a month, slowly increasing to 4 days a week. The first few weeks were rough as he was transitioning, as he'd never been away from parents or grandma. He's doing much better, only cries a half a minute at drop off, and sometimes during transitions. And he plays the rest of the day. The problem is, when DCD comes in for pick up, DCB immediately stops what he is doing and bawls hysterically.
I have reassured DCD that sometimes it happens, some kids get emotional from the excitement of seeing the parent, from missing them during the day, etc. But DCD still seems anxious over DCB's reaction. He knows that DCB plays, because he has come in and watched when DCB didn't know he was there. But I don't know how to keep DCB happy when DCD gets there.
Baby Beluga 12:45 PM 08-19-2015
Originally Posted by midaycare:
Is he bawling because he is having fun and doesn't want to go home? This happens to my dck's quite a bit. They don't want to come and don't want to leave.
Isn't that the weirdest thing?Is he bawling because he is having fun and doesn't want to go home? This happens to my dck's quite a bit. They don't want to come and don't want to leave.
littletots 01:17 PM 08-19-2015
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
Isn't that the weirdest thing?
I've had parents hang out as long as 20 mins playing with child at pick up. I'm inside w my crew & parent /dck outside in play area.Isn't that the weirdest thing?
littletots 01:23 PM 08-19-2015
I remembered it's called reunion distress. Separation distress is drop off. Reunion distress is pick up.
midaycare 02:35 PM 08-19-2015
Originally Posted by littletots:
I've had parents hang out as long as 20 mins playing with child at pick up. I'm inside w my crew & parent /dck outside in play area.
Me too. I've even had my last parent of the day stay an extra 10 or so to get little Jill or Johnny to leave. But my daycare is separate, so I can just say, "clean up when you're done! I'm going upstairs!"I've had parents hang out as long as 20 mins playing with child at pick up. I'm inside w my crew & parent /dck outside in play area.
daycarediva 04:51 PM 08-19-2015
Originally Posted by midaycare:
Is he bawling because he is having fun and doesn't want to go home? This happens to my dck's quite a bit. They don't want to come and don't want to leave.
same. Is he emotional otherwise? I have a dcg who cries (happy tears and sad, at the drop of a hat, we call her overly emotional (name) and dd has threatened to make her into a meme). In all seriousness, she's adored, just emotional.Is he bawling because he is having fun and doesn't want to go home? This happens to my dck's quite a bit. They don't want to come and don't want to leave.
Sunshine74 10:21 PM 08-19-2015
Originally Posted by childcaremom:
I think you've given dcd a good explanation of why the behaviour is occurring. Dcd knows he is happy as he's seen him playing. I would just let it work it's course.
Thanks. I just don't know what else to say when DCD looks at me all bewildered. I think you've given dcd a good explanation of why the behaviour is occurring. Dcd knows he is happy as he's seen him playing. I would just let it work it's course.
Originally Posted by littletots:
Very common child care transitions. You'll find books, articles, songs to help. Had 3yr do same. Family pulled from last provider bc thought he was being harmed. Nothing transition techniques can't fix. Let parents know what your trying to do on your end. They will feel your being proactive. I go a cd & played songs at end of day to prepare child for pickup. I didn't talk to parent at pickup allowing all attention to go towards child/parent. We communicated by email.
I would love to do and end of the day thing, but we don't really have a defined end to our day. We've been trying to prepare him for the end of the day, by telling him, "When dad comes, you can hug him, and then you are going to go home together and you can hug mom." It was a very big thing for him his first few days, that he wanted to hug mom and dad.Very common child care transitions. You'll find books, articles, songs to help. Had 3yr do same. Family pulled from last provider bc thought he was being harmed. Nothing transition techniques can't fix. Let parents know what your trying to do on your end. They will feel your being proactive. I go a cd & played songs at end of day to prepare child for pickup. I didn't talk to parent at pickup allowing all attention to go towards child/parent. We communicated by email.
Originally Posted by MyAngels:
I had a parent pull their child over this once. The dad just couldn't handle that his child was unhappy when he came to pick up. I learned a bit later from the mother that he was putting a lot of pressure on his child at home "Don't you miss daddy during the day? Daddy misses you so much. You're making daddy sad" and the like. Poor kid. Maybe talk to the parents about their reactions to the situation and how they can help make the transitions easier.
DCB is never crying before DCD gets there, just as soon as he sees him. DCD definitely looks bewildered when DCB starts his sobbing. I feel like I need to reassure both of them.I had a parent pull their child over this once. The dad just couldn't handle that his child was unhappy when he came to pick up. I learned a bit later from the mother that he was putting a lot of pressure on his child at home "Don't you miss daddy during the day? Daddy misses you so much. You're making daddy sad" and the like. Poor kid. Maybe talk to the parents about their reactions to the situation and how they can help make the transitions easier.
Originally Posted by midaycare:
Is he bawling because he is having fun and doesn't want to go home? This happens to my dck's quite a bit. They don't want to come and don't want to leave.
Is he bawling because he is having fun and doesn't want to go home? This happens to my dck's quite a bit. They don't want to come and don't want to leave.
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
Isn't that the weirdest thing?
That I could handle, it's nothing uncommon, especially with the age group I work with. It is definitely not the case here. DCB immediately drops whatever he is holding and cries to DCD. Isn't that the weirdest thing?
Originally Posted by littletots:
I remembered it's called reunion distress. Separation distress is drop off. Reunion distress is pick up.
Thank you. I was not coming up with that term, but I think it will help in my search for solutions.I remembered it's called reunion distress. Separation distress is drop off. Reunion distress is pick up.
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
same. Is he emotional otherwise? I have a dcg who cries (happy tears and sad, at the drop of a hat, we call her overly emotional (name) and dd has threatened to make her into a meme). In all seriousness, she's adored, just emotional.
He is a bit emotional, I think it is still him getting used to being away from his family for the first time ever. He also hasn't had a regular schedule yet because they were trying to ease him into it. And then last week when he was supposed to be on his regular schedule and that didn't work out. Besides drop off and pick up, transitions seem to be where he struggles, but even that seems to be getting better.same. Is he emotional otherwise? I have a dcg who cries (happy tears and sad, at the drop of a hat, we call her overly emotional (name) and dd has threatened to make her into a meme). In all seriousness, she's adored, just emotional.
Snowmom 07:48 AM 08-20-2015
I currently have a dcb who does this. He's been here a month and it's slowly getting better.
The odd thing is, he doesn't do it with mom, only dad.
He never cries at drop off (with mom), but always cries the moment dad walks in.
Someone mentioned something above that resonated with me: that dad provokes the feelings of sadness at home ("don't you miss daddy?").
My personal feelings are that the child has some emotions he needs to work through with dad. In the situation I have, the dad and mom were having some troubles at home and I have a hunch that dad had left for awhile. Which means, my dcb (2) probably caught on to the fact that dad may leave and not come back. Hence the crying when he actually sees dad.
I could be totally off mark, but that's my thoughts on it
The odd thing is, he doesn't do it with mom, only dad.
He never cries at drop off (with mom), but always cries the moment dad walks in.
Someone mentioned something above that resonated with me: that dad provokes the feelings of sadness at home ("don't you miss daddy?").
My personal feelings are that the child has some emotions he needs to work through with dad. In the situation I have, the dad and mom were having some troubles at home and I have a hunch that dad had left for awhile. Which means, my dcb (2) probably caught on to the fact that dad may leave and not come back. Hence the crying when he actually sees dad.
I could be totally off mark, but that's my thoughts on it