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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Want to Stay
MommyMuffin 12:24 PM 07-17-2015
How do you handle kids who want to stay at pick up times. They hide or won't come to the door. Their parents stand there and we chit chat but it can be uncomfortable. I go to the child, I tell them they need to come, I chat about their night and what we might do tomorrow.

I'm not going to physically drag them to the door and I've done all the talking and suggesting to the children.

I feel so awkward, what is the best way to handle this?
Blackcat31 12:32 PM 07-17-2015
How old?

If they are young enough, I simply pick them up and firmly say "Sorry Johnny, no games right now. It's time to go." and hand them over to the parent.

If they are older, I use an authorative voice and say "Johnny, it is time to go. Now."

Most my kids know my "I ain't messing around" voice.

I also let parents know that I FULLY expect them to take control of their child.

When it's quitting time, it's quitting time. period.
cheerfuldom 01:57 PM 07-17-2015
Do "bye bye outside" technique. You hand over the child to the parent and close the door on them and be done with it. If you cannot meet the parent at the door, put a bye-bye bench or chairs in a spot. When you know that little Johnny is going to be picked up any minute, have him get completely ready and sit in the bye bye spot. He can only get up once mom or dad has picked him up or has a firm hand hold on him. No free range at pick up time because that is too much freedom to go run and hide. This way you are directing the child to the bye bye area first and have them well in hand before parent comes.
midaycare 06:36 PM 07-17-2015
If it's the last child, I bring out my vacuum. That gets the message across pretty quickly. I tell them if they want to stay, they need to be cleaning. No takers yet ...
Josiegirl 03:47 AM 07-18-2015
I'm glad you asked this question. However, I have tried all the aforementioned solutions and I have a couple dcks who dig their heels right in and absolutely refuse. They tend to do it with lots of scenarios and this is one of them. Then I have the younger ones who I do pick up but they end up wailing and kicking because 1) they want to do it themselves but won't or 2) they sometimes just don't transition well. And who really wants to hand off a kicking screaming tot to the parent who is starting their long-awaited night with them?
Lots of ideas sound good but you just have to find one that works for your unique home and situation.

Every time a dck sees a parent pull into the driveway, it's the ole 'run and hide' game for everybody!
Ideally for me would be to gate the living room and shut the rest of the house off after a certain time. But truthfully, do not want to mess with another gate in the house.
mamamanda 05:36 AM 07-18-2015
My issue is with 5 year old dcg who constantly asks to have a sleepover. She has stayed overnight a couple times when mom was out of town, but I don't want that to be a normal habit. Her mom is a good friend so she would be comfortable with it and I love dcg, but after a full week I'm ready to not be on duty for the weekend. I just keep saying, "I spent a wonderful day with you. Now its mommy's turn."
childcaremom 05:47 AM 07-18-2015
We are usually outside at pickup.

If it looks like they are lingering, I remind mom and dad where little one's bag is and they clue in that it's time to go.

If not, I remind dck that "Mom/Dad are here and it's time to go now."

If we are inside, I bring dck to the door, say my good byes, and then return to playroom. If they are my last family, I will still return to playroom to tidy up, turn off lights, etc.

If I had a dck that tended to do what you are experiencing OP, I would remind them as it got closer to pick up time what was expected of them behaviour-wise and verbally remind them again in front of mom and dad. I would verbally thank them for being good listeners/rule followers/whatever when they behaved as expected.
midaycare 11:06 AM 07-18-2015
A few times when I've had kids refuse to go, I've left. If it's the last dck, I tell them I need to go do something upstairs and "bye bye!" Then the parents usually grab them and go.

If it's not the last dck, I will take the kids somewhere else. Go for a walk, upstairs, outside, inside ... Just away from leaving dck.
MommyMuffin 04:50 PM 07-18-2015
Great ideas thanks! I'm going to try some of them.

I keep thinking the parents will jump in and do the directing...but it isn't happening so unfortunately I will have to.
Blackcat31 08:13 AM 07-19-2015
Originally Posted by MommyMuffin:
Great ideas thanks! I'm going to try some of them.

I keep thinking the parents will jump in and do the directing...but it isn't happening so unfortunately I will have to.
...stop hoping they will and TELL them to.

If you are comfy say something like "Hey Joanne, this is where you need to step in. Johnny is not listening to me right now". and then let her step in.

I think a lot of parents aren't sure who should or who is in charge during pick up any more than the child knows...
....or parents feel you will judge them (I make sure to let them know, that is NOT the case)

If you aren't comfortable saying it face to face then this would be a good time for a note/reminder home to everyone...

My handbook has a paragraph about this issue. It says:

Behavior During Transitions (drop off/pick up) Times

Behavior for some children during these times can result in needing to be disciplined. Should this occur, you will need to be the one in charge.

As your child's parent, you need to be the ultimate authority.

If it becomes necessary for me to step in and discipline your child, alternate drop off/pick up routines will be discussed.

I refuse to allow a child to run amok when both parent and provider are present and FULLY expect my parents to parent THEIR child.

If a child is young enough to be physically picked up, I will pick them up and hand them over (kicking and screaming if necessary). They rarely continue doing this for too long if they sense your unhappiness every time.

If they are old enough to understand and comply, I expect them to. With or without a parent present. Again, after a few attempts to try this at pick up and having appropriate consequences for it, the kids rarely continue being troublesome.

IME there are way too many people (providers included) that are afraid of being authorative to the kids now days.
I am not one of those.
I AM the one in charge and act accordingly.

It doesn't mean having to be strict or "mean". It simply requires consistency, firm expectations and boundaries WITH consequences and follow through.every.single.time.
Tags:lingering, pick up behavior, pick up issues
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