Hello parents, I am a grandparent taking care of my grandchild. I removed my grandchild from his first daycare (a home daycare) after 7 mths because she closed after a snow storm and there was no state of emergency. My pay was docked for calling out that day, the day after a holiday. I really liked her but it was a business decision for me. I put my baby in another daycare - and in the first month, my 11 mth old was in an excersaucer EVERY DAY when I came to pick him up. I finally asked her how much time he spends in that thing every day because he is a new walker and needs to be walking. She assured me that is was only the last 15 mins of the day. After I asked, he was in it MAYBE 1 day a week. Okay!!! So, the next month (and some of the first month) my baby came home with a brand of diaper that I know I didn't supply...SO, I asked if he was running out of diapers and am I not bringing enough. She replied that he has plenty but the helpers don't always pay attention to the cubby that they are taking diapers out of...I didn't like the answer but I swallowed it. I had 2 thoughts about this....1) how do you know that my baby isn't allergic to huggies, or whatever and that maybe that's why I don't use them? 2) I don't have money to supply diapers because your helpers aren't paying attention.

They have $175 reasons per week to pay attention, as far as i'm concerned. Then, as if this wasn't enough a few times when I picked my baby up, his diaper was soiled when we got home. I certainly had a problem with this so I asked about the changing policy (especially since I got a report card everyday that claimed that he was being changed everyday. Of course, she said that they change at the times that the report card said they did. Okay, least she knows i'm paying attention right? So the straw that broke the camels back; I pick my grandson up on 3/23 and she tells me that he was very ornery that day, that he fell out everytime she told him no about something. I explained that I don't know where the falling out is coming from but that I had noticed it and I just tell him to get up off the floor and she should tell him too. She said she does and he listens. I didn't think anymore of it until bath time and I see these two red marks atop his right thigh. When I tried to touch it, he screamed and cried really weird. The next day, I asked her if he had fallen and hurt himself or anything and when she asked why, I told her about the marks...she assured me that nothing happened.

That was Thursday. So, Friday when I pick him up, we say our goodbye's, have a good weekend, see ya Monday kind stuff and I get home and much to my surprise there is a note in the bag that told me that "I think it's time for us to part ways. You seem to question everything that we do. We've done nothing but love and care for [my grandson] but you don't seem to think so". This lady never said anything to me about this before then. My mom told me to get a lawyer but I think I should just get the word out. What kind of daycare tells a mom that she asks too many questions when it comes to her child?

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Most providers have a clause in their contract that says they can terminate care at any time for any reason. I don't see any lawyer getting involved...unless there is money owed back to you. Even then, you probably would be better off taking her to small claims court.

I'm not sure why a provider would be "offended" by questions. You are only a concerned guardian as every parent should be. You are entitled to that much. I honestly think I would have questioned the diapers. Many children ARE in fact allergic to certain brands of diapers and regardless of the helpers, if your child had diapers, they should be used. If they weren't, than I would be questioning why the provider is performing diaper changes herself!

As for the marks...you made them sound like they were severe. I am not crediting nor discrediting the provider, but children do get hurt...especially new walkers. If my child didn't have bumps and bruises, I would feel like they aren't participating with other children and activities. If these marks were out of the ordinary, I probably would have taken the child to the doctor to see if they were able to determine what type of marks they were. (A fall...possibly on a toy, someone hitting the child, etc.)

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It doesn't sound like they necessarily did anything wrong in terminating provided notice was given per the contract. I refuse to take sides on this one because while you have an opinion on what questions were asked, etc. I am sure there is an equally reasonable response on her end. Unless she did something illegal or broke her own contract in some way (I am assuming you had a contract) the only option you have is to part ways and move on to another provider. I doubt you would want to continue forcing a relationship when for whatever reason, she is ready to move on. My only thought on the diapers is that how do you know baby didn't go in his diaper on the way home? You said it was only a few times. Unless it was about to fall off or clearly hadn't been changed for hours, then perhaps they were seeing your comments as more of complaints. There is nothing they can do to control when a child goes in their diaper. He really was too old to be in an excersaucer but depending on the weight limit, they might have felt that was a safe option for him while they got the kids ready to go at the end of the day. Now using someone else's diapers, yes that would be a problem. As for the marks, unless it was something really severe or alarming, it is just a part of kids growing up. Some kids are more rough and tumble than others. There is no way a provider can know exactly what happened to every kid at every moment.

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Well when all a parent/guardian does is question everything that the daycare does it does make one look at you like oh great here comes so n so what is she going to complain about now or what are WE NOT doing right now. So I don't blame them for wanting to part ways with you.

I do feel that the director or provider should have talked to you privately instead of putting a note in the bag.

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My thought on this one is that perhaps it was the WAY you were asking. I know if a parent had a concern, I would do my best to listen and help alleviate the concerns. If it is done in a condescending way, or more like complaining rather than asking, I would not let that get too far without straightening it out in person.

I am not saying that was what happened, but with limited info, it is something that comes to mind as...possible.

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yes I agree with missnikki. Its important to remember that providers have a very long day with a demanding job. We are just human and we love a cheerful parent at the end of the day versus one that may seem to come in and immediately look for something to comment/complain on. There is a lot to be said about how parents approach their provider. I know I have been working with several families where I feel that push to go above and beyond for them. These are the parents that follow the rules, are respectful, address things in an appropriate way, are upbeat and thankful and appreciate what I do for their child on a daily basis. Everyone likes people like that.

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Why is it okay for you to make a 'business decision' with the first provider but it is not okay for the second provider to do the same to you?

Does it really matter WHY she wanted to terminate care? The fact is she wanted to, so she did. There is no reason for you to feel defensive.

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sorry to keep posting....the thread is really interesting to me. I also find it interesting that you terminated the previous employer for one issue (one closed day) but this new provider is not allowed the same in terminating for one issue (you supposedly questioning too much). Why is that not the same thing? What exactly does your mom think a lawyer would do? Unless there are other facts we are unaware of, such as the provider breaking a specific part of their contract, a lawyer will not get involved just because you are upset.

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I'm curious as to why you would term over a closed day, but you didn't term over your concerns at the new place (it appears to me that you thought they weren't taking good care of your grandson..)

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It sounds to me that your little ones care being terminated was the best that could happen for all parties! It is obvious in your post you and the provider were not a great match. I agree with you in that another child's diaper should not have been used- but we are only human and mistakes can be made! She should have offered a better reason - but really in the end it is a diaper and the child did not get a reaction thank goodness. I would be concerned about the marks and you have a right to ask where or how your child got them.
Anyway, take this as a blessing in disguise and move on maybe you will both learn from this experience

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MODS,
Should we be leaving the name of the 'offending' provider's program out there? If I'm wrong, nevermind.

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Sounds like a bad match. But honestly based on your post it sounds like you are a hard client to please (left BC of one snow day). Chalk it up to personalities not meshing and move on.

Slandering her business is not a smart move. She could easily sue you and use this post as evidence.

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Unfortunately, in regard to your leaving because of them being closed during a snow storm, that's very common amongst providers in snow areas. At least my provider only closes if the schools are closed. You have a legit complaint about the closing if your contract didn't address it. There doesn't have to be a state of emergency to be closed, unless it otherwise stated that in your contract. Closings are a big thing - especially if you get disciplined at work if you can't come in. In your case, I would highly recommend getting a backup babysitter, like your mom or someone else like a neighbor whose a stay at home mom. I have backup just in case.

I'm sorry that your grandson was terminated. I strongly feel you were unjustly terminated. You had every right to question and complain about the wrong diapers - you control the decisions for your child, not the daycare. You are the customer. That's something that providers need to remember. If they are down playing something like that and it happened several times, I would never trust that they are providing adequate care to the child - I have a feeling that the reason they're getting the diaper wrong is because they don't know who the child is because of floater teachers/substitutes so they're using whatever they want. And every good daycare would have done a thorough search of the child to determine why the child kept falling down rather than berating you for it. The child injured himself at that daycare - you should bring the child to the doctor to be sure a bone isn't broken, etc. At around a year old, it's pretty common to fall down. And sorry, but it's unacceptable that the daycare kept him in an exersaucer even after you complained about it at pickup. How hard would it have been to hold him during pickup or have another child in there. He was way too old for an exersaucer - even the instructions read that you shouldn't use it once the child can stand up on their own and walk - for safety reasons.

We were terminated for similar reasons. Because of the way our contract and parent handbook was worded, there was nothing we could do about it per state licensing. I suggest that you check your contract and parent handbook carefully to see if they violated anything and then report them to licensing if they were required to have a conference with you before terminating you per your contract or parent handbook - this will be public record on them. Also, do not be ashamed of spreading the word - just be sure to have that note with you everywhere you go and show people - that way the daycare won't try to sue you for libel or slander because you are stating the facts. I would also post reviews on daycare review sites typing in exactly what the note read and the questions you had for the daycare. Definately spread the word - it is bad business to terminate any customer for asking questions and without a conference. If this is a chain, call their regional manager or president and file a complaint.

You have every right to question anything and everything they do - any daycare that terminates for your asking questions shouldn't be in business to begin with. As long as you were being respectful, not yelling or screaming at them, you should be able to ask anything you want as many times you want without being termed for it. You are better off without that daycare. I am a firm believer that there should be licensing regulations for wrongful termination to better protect families.

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OP, it sounds like you expect a lot from your grandchild's provider, as anyone would. The difference is in your tone. If you approach most providers in the manner that you did, then I think that you would be surprised at how many providers would give you a letter of termination. Besides, what makes what you did to the first provider any different than what the second provider did to you.

Mods, I hope that you can take the name of the second daycare out of the OP's post. It seems pretty unfair to the second daycare.

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I know that I am new here and maybe should be posting as unregistered, but I agree with everyone here...

To the unregistered poster...yes, we are employed by you. At the same time, we are running our business the way we see fit. I am not saying what the provider did was justified, but if it is in their contract that they have the ability to term, then that is their right (pending they followed their contract). Just as you have the right to not be happy with the service they were providing and term.

It is no different than when you take your car to a mechanic. Everyone has 'their' guy and they love him. Yes, he is providing a service to you, but he has his rules too...and doesn't have to deal with you as a customer if he feels he doesn't want to.

I do think it would have been more professional to have had a personal discussion regarding the termination.

I have been on both ends of the spectrum. I worked full time and just recently have began my daycare. Both ends are difficult for a multitude of reasons. I do however believe that I am rather sensitive to both sides due to my experience. It is hard to leave your children in someone else's care, just as it is difficult to care for someone else's child at times. It is difficult when questions are/seemed to be asked in an accusatory manor (not saying that is what the OP was doing). But I just need to remind myself that working full time, commuting, taking care of my family, my home, my life, and finally me, was the most difficult job I have ever done. And, due to the inability of myself to balance all those items listed above was the deciding factor to my choosing to stay home. So, maybe I'm naive, but I do grant the parents a little bit of slack for perhaps being short tempered at the end of the day...all I wanted to do was hurry up and get home to spend an extremely limited amount of time with my family. I know personally if there was an issue to discuss, I always tried to broach it in the morning when I was (hopefully) in a better mood!

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I respectfully disagree with you. I am ONLY employed by my daycare families in the way that they have decided to use my service. They don't set the rules, they don't pay my benefits or SS tax or any other tax. They are not my employers. If they were my employers, I would demand a raise (to at least minimum wage) and benefits, and I wouldn't have to worry about taxes, they would.

To the OP - I'm in agreement with the other pp's who asked what the difference is between what you did to your first daycare (left because of ONE snow day) and what your second daycare did to you (termed for a seeming lack of trust)? Trust is paramount in this business. If you didn't trust your new daycare, you had no business taking the child there. Sensing that you didn't trust them, and possibly being a difficult parent, as a daycare provider, I would have termed you also. As for the bruises - if you had any doubt at all about them, you should have taken child to the doctor to get it checked out. If you didn't, you obviously didn't honestly think that anything wrong was going on in that daycare. And if you did honestly think there was something wrong there, you should have pulled that child long before now.

You pulled the child from a daycare you "liked" because they closed for one day (most providers encourage a backup provider in case of emergency or illness) and yet you left the child in a daycare that you didn't trust for weeks (months?). What is your motivator here? If it was all about the child, you would have left child in the first daycare. Missing one day is not a reason to leave. Providers get sick, we are only human. If she had just been sick, and that's why she closed, would you still have pulled child?

And after this long post, I wonder if you just came on here to slam this daycare because they pissed you off. I see you haven't come back to respond or answer any questions.

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Thank you!! I am no more anyones employee than Target is my employee because I chose to shop there!

Does Target listen to the suggestions of its customers? Perhaps, but that doesn't mean that the customers are the boss or that (in pretty much most cases) that Target is actually going to implement those suggestions unless they benefit Target.

If you don't like the hours, the prices, or the store policies, don't shop there. Same goes with daycare...

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I agree with this one, and the previous post on here. I was once questioned everyday from a mom. It was not near what this Grandma did, especially on the marks(if anything happens to my daycare children during the day, I tell them immediately at pick up) Thank God over the past 10 yrs. nothing has happened to awfully bad at all!! She would ask me- Now where did little Johhny sleep today for his naps. I tell her the same thing everyday, in the pack and play in my bedroom. She wanted him to sleep in a swing or bouncer right beside me all day long. I repeatingly told her, I couldn't have him sleep out here, with myself and the daycare children all day. He would never get any sleep!! Then it was-" oh where is Susie today? Why isn't she here? I hear(the friend of hers, that was also here) Tommy tried to crawl, so where is Tommy? Everyday at pick up and drop off was like this, it got very old!!!
I would tell her, well she is on vac. she is sick, she was laid down early, tired. Etc. etc.... Finally after this all getting very old, I wrote a note, and told her enough with all the questions, 3/4 of it is confidential anyway!! Then it was going so great, no questions, I would just tell her how the day of her son went. Then about 2 weeks, she gave notice~~~~ I did really love her little boy, and got very attached to him--- There comes a time, I think in all of daycare world, we have to weed out these type!!!

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THese are all valid questions to definately ask the daycare provider! Now if you are coming in everyday with something new,etc. that is a whole different story. I have been there, and it sucked as a daycare provider, you wondered what the heck she was going to ask, or say everyday. It sucked!! You dreaded pick up and drop off everyday. When you feel this way about a family, time to do something about it!!

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Perhaps...but here is the real life deal...

If you have a question, by all means ask. But, please remember, if the tone of your "question" is rude or annoying, there is a very high liklihood you will be terminated. Perhaps at your job there are customers you don't wish to deal with because they are a PITA...well, we feel that way too...and we are in the unique position to be able to do something about it.

So, just as you want to hear the occassional great thing about your child, we want to hear the occassional great thing about the awesome care we give your child.

I am not and never will be your employee, so please check the power trip at the door. If you treat me with respect, I will no doubt treat you with the same courtesy.

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I totally agree with you in every way!!!! I love the power trip at the door. I agree, I have been treated very badly from families that think I am their employers!! I had one Dad talk badly to myself and my daughter, I took it for so long, til finally I said that is enough, you are in my private home, and I will be damned if you are going to talk to me, in my house like that ever again!!!

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Maybe I should have not used the employer/employee relationship. And to the poster that compared us to Target being our employee because we shop there...

Perhaps that was incorrect names, BUT, you can bet your bottom dollar if I went to a restaurant and my waitress acted as though she was interviewing me and I could take it or leave it, that would be the LAST time I would be there. SAme with my mechanic, my bank, my Target, my dentist etc. Yes, we are our own bosses, but we still have to appreciate the business they are providing us at our homes. I think everyone would agree with me if they were treated poorly at a business.

I know we will probably never all agree on this...but, I truly believe providers deserve a baseline of respect to start with (not saying they won't ruin that immediately though!)

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This is an older thread...but I wanted to comment on the fact that the child went home in a diaper that was a different brand.

This is common at my day care. And the parents love it!

WHY? Because it means I have received yet another mound of donated diapers and am using them up instead of using the parents supply and therefore saving them money!

My whole neighborhood, church members, family and friends all know that if their child outgrows a size, gets potty trained etc.....then I am happy to take donations. I keep a certain amount for emergencies...but I don't need bags and bags of them. When my donated pile is used up, I go back to using the parent supply. I have shelves in the kids changing area and every child has their own labelled shelf.

If a child is allergic to a certain kind of diaper...then their parent had better have been intelligent enough to put that down in their paperwork where it actually asks if their child has any allergies!

Maybe the provider in question was just being lazy with the diapers......but there are two sides to every story.

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I think it's great that you get donations and pass the donations along to your families. Most providers don't - they actually save them to use when families forget to bring in diapers. But in the OP and follow ups, it seems established that they weren't donated diapers in the OP. In your example of using donated diapers - what if a family only ever used a certain brand and didn't know about the allergy until you put a different brand of diaper on the child? After all, that is how families find out about diaper allergies to begin with - by using a different diaper. I hope that you communicate your donated diaper policy to families so they know up front.

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Oh they all know...and they all love it when I tell them they don't need to bring any for a while!

I do keep some on hand too. My handbook explains that any diapers "borrowed from my emergency stash are to be "paid back" when they bring diapers. No freebies unless I say so!

Also..in 25 years of day care I haven't come across a child allergic to diapers yet...so so far so good! Parents are to tell me if something like that happens...or I would notice it myself and stop using that brand.

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