I have been sending my kids (2 yo and 8 mo) to an at-home daycare provider in Massachusetts...we have recently had an issue where the provider has been posting on Facebook during the middle of the day when, clearly, they should be focused on other things. Is there any legal recourse (abuse/negligence) that can be applied here? The reason I ask is that our 2 yo has recently come home with unexplainable bruises...even a bruised lip. My wife and I were told that "its nothing" and that they had no idea how the bruises happened. I understand kids being kids and bumps and bruises happen all the time...but add in the element of Facebook...it starts to get a little worrisome as my kids aren't the only ones in this daycare.

If anyone has any experience in this area, specifically in Massachusetts and can provide any guidance, I would greatly appreciate it.

Reply

Believe it or not providers are clearly AND legally allowed to post on facebook, or check their email, play candy crush saga, or sit on their bum for 5 minutes or 50 minutes or whatever, provided the kids are napping and safe/sound. Aren't you allowed time during your day to do similar?

Now the issue of inexplicable bruises and such on your child/ren, is a different animal. However, you weren't concerned enough about it and understood kids get bumps/bruises, but now that you see she posts on facebook all of a sudden she is abusing/neglecting the children in her care? If you don't feel comfortable and you are not able to communicate freely with your provider, then move your children. But please don't come on here and act like your provider is a horrible criminal for posting on facebook in the afternoon.

Reply

Is she posting nonsense on her personal Facebook page or daycare related stuff on her business page? There's a difference there. I post on my business page at all times during the day, sometimes two or three times and sometimes not at all. It just depends on what's going on that day and if I have a picture/cute story to share with the parents. If she's obviously using her personal page for gibberish many times throughout the day, then yes, that's concerning.

My bigger concern would be many bruises that couldn't be explained. If she's adequately supervising, then she should know where the vast majority of bruises come from. So she knows and doesn't want to tell you or she has no idea because she's not doing her job properly.

In any case, it sounds like you've lost your trust in her. Without trust, you'll never have a solid relationship with her and it may be time to move on.

Reply

I post on Facebook, answer text messages, do email, reply on here, etc....

From my iPad... While sitting on the floor with my daycare kids.

I don't do it for more than a minute or two at a time, usually from my phone, usually during nap etc.

I don't think your issue is Facebook. I think the issue are the bruises.

But I'm also curious why you weren't concerned about the bruises until you found out about the Facebook.

Bruises ARE a part of that age group. But it does seem like you think they are due to lack of supervision. And they MIGHT BE. Or they might not be.

Either way, it seems like you need to be communicating your concerns with your provider.

Reply

Sometimes we have to look busy at our desks so the kids will participate in imaginative play, cooperative play and learn to solve small problems for themselves. It is part of their emotional, social and intellectual development. It is called passive supervision (also works very well for parent having a problem getting their kids to bed .)

We can only do so many hours of work related paperwork, reading and planning before our brains turn to mush. We have very little access to adult conversation. Unless you want a drama queen provider who harps on every little thing you (or your children) do, because she has nothing else mentally to take up her time... you may want to look the other way on the social media from time to time. Mentally healthy adults with outside interests make for better, more level tempered, providers... even outside employers know their employees need a distraction every now and again, for the same reason.

Some bruises occur from natural consequences and are very common at that age. Now, If you said you had a non-mobile baby with bruises I would completely agree with you.... not acceptable and we would all be angry for you. But at two years mouth bumps, shin bumps, and knee scrapes are very common as they are extremely active, pretty uncoordinated and put almost everything in their mouths, while attempting to run , during this short stage.

Reply

Reply

How do you know she is on Facebook? Is it during naptime when kids are resting? Have you been popping in at various times and "catching" her not minding the kids? A provider can use the computer during down times - I often get emails and texts from clients during the day that require attention, or like others I try to update the day care facebook page so my clients can see their kids. So just being on a couple of times here and there wouldn't be a red flag.
That said, when I sent my oldest child to an in-home and it was clear the provider wasn't providing good care, I pulled immediately. It wasn't about getting her in "trouble" but more for the safety of my child.

Reply

I agree with this, but it seems you may have some trust issues with your provider which should be directly addressed with him/her. If you cannot bring yourself to do that then it would be better for all of you to find another care situation for your children. If you decide to move them it'd probably be a good idea to avoid a Facebook relationship with your new provider to avoid this situation again

Reply

Reply

I take a few minutes here and there when the kids are playing. Not usually on Facebook, but here or on a gossip site *hangs head in shame*. I have kids who can play together easily for an hour without stopping. And while outside they ignore me. So I think it's okay to take 5 minutes to be on the Internet as long as I'm with them and still watching.

The bruises would concern me but I wouldn't be ready to tar and feather your provider yet. She should be able to explain them, and a bruised lip - that is a big deal, actually. Something must have happened, but probably more along the lines of your little one fell.

My son's doctor is always glad when my son has a bruise or two - says he knows then that he isn't just sitting in front of the television.

With all that said, trust your gut! If you don't think your children are safe, pull today. Right now. Go.

Reply

I post pictures of my dc kids throughout the day on my daycare Facebook page - there's nothing wrong with that. I can sit down, as I am doing now, and type out a message and/or post pictures all while sitting in the middle of a group playing, and I am supervising~ thanks to modern technology and an iPhone. Why is it that parents don't think we can multi task, or that we deserve a little "break" (while in the same room)?! I know tons of people that work in offices and are the first to " like " a picture, put up posts all day long, if you look at the timelines. To my knowledge, MA is not a state that has taken this right away. If you are concerned about the bruising, say something! If you truly believe your children are being harmed for lack of supervision, maybe it's time for a daycare center with cameras so you can see what's going on- that seems to be the new trend in centers around here- oh, and then parents post on Facebook about their kids they watched on a webcam at daycare, while they are at work doing their jobs!

Reply

Do you literally sit and stare at your child all day and night when you are with him? I don't think so, you probably cook meals, go to the bathroom, do paperwork, and other things that you need to do other than just watch your child's every move. Your daycare provider also has other things that she needs to do besides literally look at the children all day. She has to prepare their meals, even if the parents provide the meals, she has to get their meals ready for the children to eat. Maybe the bruises happened during that time. She has to go to the bathroom, maybe the bruises happened while she was in the bathroom. She has daycare paperwork she has to do. None of us daycare providers sit and watch the children's every move all day long - we can't. We have other daycare related things we have to do which requires us to not be able to see their every move all day.

As far as her being on Facebook, like some other responses said here, sometimes we have to make the children believe that we are not paying attention to them so they will stop trying to be our best friend and instead start playing with the other children, pretending, become creative with the blocks and little people. Some children would rather sit and talk to the adult all day long then interact with others their own age. So, sometimes, we have to get involved in something non-daycare related so the children will simply go play with the other children.

Like others have said here, we daycare providers also need a mental break from our job a little throughout the day. At jobs out of the house, you can take a break from your desk and go talk to a co-worker for a few minutes. But at home daycare, we typically don't have co-workers, so our adult communication is either by calling someone on the phone who also stays home during the day, or getting on the computer for a few moments.

I understand that you, as a parent, are upset that your child got hurt and the daycare provider, who you are paying to watch him, has no clue what happened. However, you do have to realize that it is truly not logical to believe that she just sits and stares at the children's every move. You must realize that she has to do other things during the day and sometimes, a child will get hurt, bully another child, steal toys from another child, or something when the provider is doing something other than watching their every move.

I would suggest that you either trust your provider that she is doing her job correctly and know that sometimes, a child, yes, even your child, will get hurt. Or decide that you do not trust that your provider is doing her job correctly and find another provider. However, I can tell you that, anywhere you take your child for daycare, preschool, extra-curricular activities, in elementary classrooms, at recess in elementary school, basically, throughout their lives, they are going to get hurt at times, and whoever is in charge of them at the time will, occasionally, have no clue how he got hurt.

Reply

Excellent point. We don't really get a break. I don't get a lunch - that is one of my busiest times. Nap time break? What is that? I always have a non-sleeper or I am up with an infant. I have an 11-hour day non-stop. So when I take 5 minutes here and there when I can ... it's much needed.

Reply

These days you can post a pic in less than a minute, while sitting with the children that you just took a picture of.

My parents LOVE seeing pics of their kids having fun and learning, so if I have a minute I'll post. I generally try to wait until nap, that's if they all sleep, and right now they don't so there is no down time other than a minute here or there while the kids play in the same room.

I don't know about others, but I often walk away from my computer or phone and fb or daycare.com might still be on my screen, showing that I am active, even though I am not. So if your assumptions are based on seeing that the provider is active, perhaps her screen is still open but she is outside playing with the kids?

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that she isn't with the kids even though posting pics on fb. Where do you post from? Quite likely in the same room as your child.

If you have concerns you should first talk to your provider

Reply

I completely agree with the others. I post on my business and personal page during the day. The kids may be napping or eating snack or in some other way occupied.

Also, your kid is 2yo. Bumps and bruises happen at that age. Have you never noticed a bruise on your child and not known how they got it?

Regulations say providers have to be able to see and/or hear the kids at all times. Your provider is fine and you need to get a grip.

Reply

this post says it all!! Love how parents can sit on the computer on facebook all evening while home with their children and not blink an eye but god forbid we swipe the ipad on for 2 seconds during the day!

And I find it funny because I am going to send a little girl home with a bruise on her head. Guess how she got it??? She is learning to walk, I was RIGHT in front of her and she just needed one more step to make it to me but went down on her head faster than I could break the fall and now has a little black and blue on her head. I wasn't on facebook, I was helping this little girl learn a new skill and yet she did manage to get a bruise. Its part of living and learning, sometimes we fall. My job is to teach them to get back up again when they do and I think I'm doing a heck of a job at that - all while posting on facebook.

Reply

While I agree that posting on Facebook usually only takes a second or two MA does have some pretty specific wording that would concern me ....

"Educators must not engage in any other activities or tasks that could unnecessarily divert their attention from supervising the children"

"Except when attending to their personal hygiene needs, educators must be actively engaged in child care and education activities during all times when children are in care"

"Educators must be aware of children’s activities at all times." "The licensee must maintain a record of any unusual or serious incidents including but not limited to behavioral incidents, injuries, property destruction or emergencies."

http://www.mass.gov/edu/birth-grade-...tion-and-care/

If a parent really wanted to make a big deal of their provider being on the internet while working, I think they might have a case.

Not my personal opinion but just sayin'.

......interpretation is not always clear and seems to be up to the reader/enforcer. ??

Reply

Child care provider responsibilities are in no way even close to parental responsibilities and although, I agree with the concept of personal responsibility I don't think it's a valid argument to compare what parents do with THEIR children on their time with what we do with THEIR children on our time.

INMO, it's two VERY different things.

Leaving a child in a hot car is a perfect example.

Tragic accident for parents
Felony murder charges for a provider.

Reply

Reply

I am a licensed provider in MA (it's nap time here btw!). I do not engage on Facebook during child care hours UNLESS it is nap/quiet time AND I do not have my part time infant in care. MA requires that we do not spend time on our phones, iPads, computers unless it is child care related or it is during a time we do not have to focus on child care related activities or be directly supervising the children in care. So unless you can clearly see by her posting times that it's during a time when she should be supervising then I don't think she is doing anything wrong. But as far as the bruises, that's a pretty lazy reasoning from the provider-I probably over explain any time a child gets hurt (99% usually their own fault!) but parents today are very overprotective, myself included!

Reply

I agree with this.

Here and there posting when watching the kids, sure. I pop in here (it's nap and my kids are all sleeping in my eyesight right now, except for my non napper doing a puzzle). But I do pop on during free play-watching them at the same time. It's MAINLY so I 'look busy' otherwise it's MISS X MISS X MISS X and it's not free play, it's entertain miss x time.

I love my job, but it's 11+ hours, and I DO have to do things like answer emails, make phone calls and update my business facebook. I do not have a personal facebook page. I make sure the kids are busy/engaged and still supervise them during those periods of time as well.

If it was here/there, and I didn't have other supervision concerns, I would let it go.

If it was CONSTANT posting, and I did have other concerns, I would try to speak to my provider, and if it didn't improve, look for care elsewhere.

Reply

oh, I totally know that, we are definitely held to a higher standard and I believe we should be. But I just find it rather funny how we get crucified for 30 seconds on the internet but a parent can sit there for 3 hours and think nothing of it.

Reply

I know.

I totally get it but unfortunately it is just the way is...

*sigh*

Reply

Based on what you've written, a legal recourse or abuse/neglect, probably not.
Trust issues that need some discussion seem more likely.

Can you give us more specifics on what seems to be concerning you and answer some question so we can have a better understanding of the situation?

How often are you noticing bruises, and where are they located?
How often are they without an explanation by your provider?
Are you noticing bruises on both children?
How many children are in the daycare and what are their ages?
Is your child a boy or girl and how active are they?
Does your child have a best buddy at daycare, and is this best buddy active?
Is rough and tumble play allowed at your daycare?
Is there an assistant present at the daycare?
What time does your provider seem to be posting on face book?
Is she posting daycare related issues or personal?

Reply

I find this so funny for us but not teachers! Teachers are constently on their phones, lap tops, computors, etc. and not always doing school work. Especially when on their phones. Could explain some of the education are children are receiving-

Reply

I see the postings on pinterest from my son's teachers every day during the day! They are probably posting on FB but I don't do FB....despise the drama/soap opera which is what FB is to me..

Reply

I've seen texting, playing games, FB, instant messaging, all kinds of stuff. Thats why I don't get why they get so upset with the kids having their phones out.

Reply

The other day my 7th grader was telling me something that happened at school. I asked her what the teacher did, and she said: "Oh, she didn't see it. She was practicing some of her yoga poses."

Reply

I agree with this. My dd showed me a video of her teacher, sitting at her desk, playing a game on her phone- the video was 3m long, never looked up. She said it's on/off the entire class period. Same teacher gave dd a detention for having her phone out, which she was using as a calculator (and was allowed to) because she left hers in her locker!

Reply

I'm actually thinking of going tech free for awhile. It all to time consuming and warping our brains. We can fill our minds with so much more stimulating things then technology.

Maybe I'll do an Amish flip on my house-

Reply

Teachers are in charge of school age children.

There are usually much different regulations in place for the supervision of a child older than age 5.

BIG difference and hardly comparable in my opinion.

My state regulations for school age care is that THEY (the child) know where to go for assistance if needed but can be allowed to leave the property while under my supervision.

I don't take SA'ers so that wouldn't happen here but it could.

Reply

Nah, I think there is no difference in what a childcare provider and a teacher should be doing if children are present.

In fact if I was a parent reading the article you posted I would think you were talking about Teachers since they are calling us EDUCATORS and most people automatically think Teacher when they hear that.

Two post show teachers didn't even know what was going on because of "doing yoga poses" and "playing on a game for three minutes". Sounds like they were pretty checked out of their responsibilities (the children and educating them).

Reply

If you don't approve of her Facebook activity during daycare hours or think your child was injured because of her inattention you should talk to your provider about it.

Reply

To each their own, but I most definitely don't think that what a public school teacher does with students age 5 and older and what a child care provider does with children under age 5 are even remotely close to the same things.

I stand by what I said previously, the responsibility for an adult to provide supervision for a child under school age is a lot different and far more regulated than supervision provided for older children in a public school setting.

Especially when parents of school age students are not signing contracts and paying weekly fees for that supervision.

My state does not govern public school teachers in the same manner as they do licensed child care providers.

Child care providers are frequently called educators in a lot of written regulations now with the implementation of QRIS standards across the country.

The terminology is open to interpretation but the sentences I quoted/posted were copied and pasted directly from the MA Child Care Licensing statutes page.

Reply

Our pediatrician, upon seeing the bruise covered legs of my then toddler, said "look at these happy little legs!" Your post reminded of that.

Reply

I'm in MA, too, and was going to cite the above regs until I saw BC had already done it. Without more info, I wouldn't criticize the provider for being on Facebook here and there during the day but ...according to state regulation, she really shouldn't be. If reported to licensing, I would think she'd be likely to get an unannounced visit - especially if there's reason to believe the kids are being injured because of a lack of supervision. In fairness to the provider, though, I would suggest speaking to her about any concerns you have before taking that course of action. It could be she's on Facebook during nap time. I usually come here to Daycare.com or check my emails during nap time but all of the kids are within my sight at all times. It could be the same for her.

What really concerns me, though, is her attitude about the injuries. I can't imagine telling a parent that an injury, especially a bruised lip, is "nothing". I get that kids get bumps and bruises and that sometimes they happen without us knowing about it but it would seem to me that if she were "actively engaged" with the kids that she would at least notice how it happened. At the very least, she should be expressing concern and not trying to down play it.

Reply

The bruises probably were just "nothing", but that hardly puts a parent at ease. The only reason I'm answering your question is to tell you that they probably are nothing. At my house, kids run into the kitchen table (2 black eyes in a year from that, and one got a little cut on his nose the other day from it), the run into the island in my kitchen, they run head first into walls, they jump on and off of furniture, slide across the kitchen floor into cabinets, trip on steps, fall off swings outdoors, trip when on walks, trip on each other, wrestle each other, throw things at each other (balls, toys, etc.). Even when we try to teach them not to do some of these things, they still happen at times.

I sent a kid home today with a scratch on his face from emptying my box of wipes and putting it on his head when he was pretending to be a robot. He bumped into the wall and scratched his face on the cardboard. Now, I could hide all cardboard products, but it's HEALTHY for kids to play like that. I do everything I can to keep my kids safe, but it bruises are just part of being a toddler. My son's pediatrician, when I asked him about all the bruises on my son, told me that kids at this age usually have at least 3 bruises on their bodies at any given time, and that it is perfectly normal and to be expected.

To say that the under-5 crowd is clumsy would be an understatement. Add reckless to clumsy, and all of the testing they do of their bodies' limits, and they do get bruised and sometimes worse.

What I suggest is simply evaluating how much you really trust your daycare provider. When my son would get bruised, my provider used to be scared and beg me not to be mad about it-I wasn't. It just happens. I trusted her and my son loved her-I knew that she did her best to keep him safe and that was good enough for me. If Facebook and minor bruises (I assume they are minor) are the only things you have to worry about with her, I'd let it go. If she is giving you other reasons to not trust her, then you may want to start shopping for a new situation for your child.

Reply