Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>"Daddy Hurt Mommy" (Logged Out)
Unregistered 02:04 PM 05-09-2012
Registered user but logged out.
Today I was working on a mother's day activity when one of the kids says to me, "Daddy hurts mommy." I do have a bad feeling about this dcd in general though, before she ever said anything.
Then another child says, "My daddy yells at my mommy because she doesnt have any money."
OMG- I hugged all of the kids and told them they were all safe at my house and then I quickly changed the subject.
How do you handle things like this? I was completely caught off guard. I know kids have no filters at all, but I didnt want to carry on a conversation and have a parent-bashing either. But then part of me wants to save the world and make sure nothing fishy is going on- but that's none of my business as long as it isnt pertaining to the kids. None of the kids said anything about being hurt themselves.
WWYD?
Today I was working on a mother's day activity when one of the kids says to me, "Daddy hurts mommy." I do have a bad feeling about this dcd in general though, before she ever said anything.
Then another child says, "My daddy yells at my mommy because she doesnt have any money."
OMG- I hugged all of the kids and told them they were all safe at my house and then I quickly changed the subject.
How do you handle things like this? I was completely caught off guard. I know kids have no filters at all, but I didnt want to carry on a conversation and have a parent-bashing either. But then part of me wants to save the world and make sure nothing fishy is going on- but that's none of my business as long as it isnt pertaining to the kids. None of the kids said anything about being hurt themselves.
WWYD?
Breezy 02:07 PM 05-09-2012
Oh jeez, I have chills from reading this and I am all teary 
I think you should maybe report it. Kids usually just don't say those things out of the blue I don't think.
I'm sure mom will deny it out of fear.. but, maybe she is just needing help getting out.
But, if the child is seeing this it is NOT okay and if he can hurt mommy he can hurt the kids too.
I think you should maybe report it. Kids usually just don't say those things out of the blue I don't think.
I'm sure mom will deny it out of fear.. but, maybe she is just needing help getting out.
But, if the child is seeing this it is NOT okay and if he can hurt mommy he can hurt the kids too.
Unregistered 02:35 PM 05-09-2012
I'll tell you, I grew up in a household where daddy hurt mommy. I remember hearing my mom screaming in the bathroom once, saying, "Get your hands off of my neck!" I remember picking up the phone one time to hear him say to my mother, "You're nothing without me."
He was aggressive toward my sister and I, but mostly me, because I was the strong willed, stubborn one. DSS came once and they told me, in high school, to either tough it out or go to a group home, and a group home was worse. I have always had a bad feeling about this dcd, and hearing that from this little girl really made my heart sink, because I too, know what it is like to grow up like that.
DCB has been becoming increasingly aggressive, and I thought perhaps it is normal 3 year old boy behavior, but now I am wondering if he is imitating what he sees???
Who do I report it to? CPS? Will they take the report since DCG did not say it was her? Maybe I should call anyway and ask them what to do, or just tell them my story.
Part of me wants to reach out to the mom during pick up one day, and have a heart to heart and share my story and get her some help, but part of me wants to protect my family as well. If this guy is aggressive I dont want him coming after me or my family.
What is so creepy is that last night I had a dream that my father came to my house and was going to hurt me and my children. I kept telling him that I wasn't the same person and that i would not allow him to hurt me. I wonder sometimes about dreams- if there is any sort of psychic connection with the world via dreams or something. My mom had premonition dreams that turned out to be true, and my preschool aged daughter told me about some dreams she had that turned out to be true that were totally out of the blue. My family and I are Christians so I tend not to believe in psychic stuff, but it makes me wonder.
He was aggressive toward my sister and I, but mostly me, because I was the strong willed, stubborn one. DSS came once and they told me, in high school, to either tough it out or go to a group home, and a group home was worse. I have always had a bad feeling about this dcd, and hearing that from this little girl really made my heart sink, because I too, know what it is like to grow up like that.
DCB has been becoming increasingly aggressive, and I thought perhaps it is normal 3 year old boy behavior, but now I am wondering if he is imitating what he sees???
Who do I report it to? CPS? Will they take the report since DCG did not say it was her? Maybe I should call anyway and ask them what to do, or just tell them my story.
Part of me wants to reach out to the mom during pick up one day, and have a heart to heart and share my story and get her some help, but part of me wants to protect my family as well. If this guy is aggressive I dont want him coming after me or my family.
What is so creepy is that last night I had a dream that my father came to my house and was going to hurt me and my children. I kept telling him that I wasn't the same person and that i would not allow him to hurt me. I wonder sometimes about dreams- if there is any sort of psychic connection with the world via dreams or something. My mom had premonition dreams that turned out to be true, and my preschool aged daughter told me about some dreams she had that turned out to be true that were totally out of the blue. My family and I are Christians so I tend not to believe in psychic stuff, but it makes me wonder.
Kiki 02:35 PM 05-09-2012
I don't know what I would do honestly. Unless it was brought up more than once, I would probably bite my tongue until I heard it again. 
Dunno, hard to say what happened to make them say that.
The 'Daddy yells at mommy for not having money' part, that may have just been a normal argument, heck who hasn't argued with their other half about money before? They may have thought the DCK was asleep while they were in a heated argument about it, and he/she overheard sadly.
In all honesty, and I don't want to sound horrible, but if the money one wouldn't have been said right AFTER the hurts mommy one, I probably would have laughed and said, 'None of us have money deary!'
Dunno, hard to say what happened to make them say that.The 'Daddy yells at mommy for not having money' part, that may have just been a normal argument, heck who hasn't argued with their other half about money before? They may have thought the DCK was asleep while they were in a heated argument about it, and he/she overheard sadly.
In all honesty, and I don't want to sound horrible, but if the money one wouldn't have been said right AFTER the hurts mommy one, I probably would have laughed and said, 'None of us have money deary!'
sharlan 03:15 PM 05-09-2012
I would take Mom aside and tell her what was said.
Michael 03:39 PM 05-09-2012
Originally Posted by sharlan:
I would take Mom aside and tell her what was said.
I'm not sure that is a good idea. I'm with Breezy on this one. Could you ask the child further about what "hurt" means? If this guy is hitting his wife I would call both CPS and the police. This child is learning this same behavior at his formative years. Domestic violence is not a heathy environment for all involved. This dcd should be made to be scared of what can happen if his behavior continues. The mother needs to get into a support group. I can't believe men can do this to women. If front of kids no less.I would take Mom aside and tell her what was said.
daycare 03:57 PM 05-09-2012
Originally Posted by Michael:
I'm not sure that is a good idea. I'm with Breezy on this one. Could you ask the child further about what "hurt" means? If this guy is hitting his wife I would call both CPS and the police. This child is learning this same behavior at his formative years. Domestic violence is not a heathy environment for all involved. This dcd should be made to be scared of what can happen if his behavior continues. The mother needs to get into a support group. I can't believe men can do this to women. If front of kids no less.
i used to work for a place called lauras house in mission viejo... The offices are there, but they have safe houses all over so cal for women and children to start a new SAFE life and learn how to make it on their own without domestic violence in their lives.I'm not sure that is a good idea. I'm with Breezy on this one. Could you ask the child further about what "hurt" means? If this guy is hitting his wife I would call both CPS and the police. This child is learning this same behavior at his formative years. Domestic violence is not a heathy environment for all involved. This dcd should be made to be scared of what can happen if his behavior continues. The mother needs to get into a support group. I can't believe men can do this to women. If front of kids no less.
I know that they are all over the world. I would call CPS......This is usually how the cases we got started from.....
bluemoose_mom 04:30 PM 05-09-2012
I don't know...I think I would bring it up with the child again. Ask some sensitive questions to the child to determine what he means.
I say this because DH and I will wrestle and pick on each other, and often times DD comes running to get in on the fun. I usually end up getting flicked too hard, and saying ouch. Totally playful and it goes both ways. However, DD has said more than once "daddy hurts mommy" to her grandparents while we are picking on each other. Or if she even thinks we are (like if I squeal) and will repeat "daddy hurts mommy" business. It would, and does sound really bad to anyone not in the room...but it's definitely nothing abusive.
That being said, I would agree that I would start questioning what's going on. This statement could very well be a red flag, but it could also be something innocent. I would ask DCK some questions first, then dependent on that, call social services or bring it up to mom. IDK, this is a tough one cause if my DD would say it (and has said it) to anyone that doesn't know us well, it would sound just as bad.
I say this because DH and I will wrestle and pick on each other, and often times DD comes running to get in on the fun. I usually end up getting flicked too hard, and saying ouch. Totally playful and it goes both ways. However, DD has said more than once "daddy hurts mommy" to her grandparents while we are picking on each other. Or if she even thinks we are (like if I squeal) and will repeat "daddy hurts mommy" business. It would, and does sound really bad to anyone not in the room...but it's definitely nothing abusive.
That being said, I would agree that I would start questioning what's going on. This statement could very well be a red flag, but it could also be something innocent. I would ask DCK some questions first, then dependent on that, call social services or bring it up to mom. IDK, this is a tough one cause if my DD would say it (and has said it) to anyone that doesn't know us well, it would sound just as bad.