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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How To Get My Point Across...ADVICE PLEASE!
Angelwings36 06:10 AM 02-09-2012
My contract states...

Please do not bring outside toys and/or activities for your child as conflicts between your child and other children in the daycare are prone to take place. ALL toys and activities will be supplied by myself. Any toys that make their way to my door will be handed back to the parent immediately at drop off. Also I will not be responsible for any outside toys that get passed by me in the morning and are misplaced in the daycare.

So here's my problem...

I have been having a countinuous problem with one family for a whole year now allowing their children dcb4 and dcg5 to bring toys to daycare every single day! In the beginning I would say, "Sorry no toys in daycare and hand them back to the parents." The next day they would come with toys again. I then sent out the "play time' section of my contract that has the above paragraph in it for this family to sign and return to me, which they did. Next day they brought toys again. Finally I got so fed up with handing the toys back I started not saying anything anymore and pretty well closing my eyes to it...MISTAKE! My contract does say that if any outside toys get passed me in the morning and get misplaced in the daycare I am not responsible for that.

This morning dcg5 comes in with 4 barbies (2 more than yesterday) and dcb4 comes in with metal Thomas trains. As I am answering my door for my next family I hear crying coming from my living, I quickly went and investigated. It was my own son age 7 sitting on the floor half dressed in his winter gear for school crying. I asked him what was wrong to which he responded, "**** and **** won't let me play their game and said I am not their friend anymore." Dcg5 and my other dcg5 were playing with the barbies. Let me add it takes a lot for my son to cry, especially in front of the daycare kids. I immediately snatched up all the barbies and the Thomas trains and put them up on my kitchen cupboard both Dcg5 and Dcb4 of course started bawling because I had taken their toys.

What do I do now? If I say something to dcd it will mean nothing and the toys will come back in the morning again. Sending out the above part of my contract doesn't work! I am just so frustrated with this...please help me figure out what the best thing is to do.

Thanks.
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MN Day Mom 06:26 AM 02-09-2012
I would start handing the toys back to the parent in the morning and each and every time remind them... no toys from home at daycare.

Otherwise consider a box that sits at your entry door, or right outside the front door if it is weather protected and the toys go in there at drop off and stay there till pick up time.
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lpperry 06:32 AM 02-09-2012
For this family, I would send out the no toy notice again, but add: Any outside toys brought into the daycare will be considered a donation to our daycare. Thank you for your contribution.

Or, Any outside toys brought into the daycare will be donated to goodwill.

Then, I would keep their toys. A few days of this, I doubt the parents are going to be bringing toys.
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countrymom 06:35 AM 02-09-2012
easy fix, take your trash can out, (put a clean bag in it) and when they walk in throw their toys in the trash (it'll be clean but they will get the point) every day do, if they question it, show them the contract. I do have kids who bring stuff but they leave it on the counter, I had one kid bring his cars, well they got lost and I told dad that i don't look for them.
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Blackcat31 06:36 AM 02-09-2012
Sounds like it is time for the "Hotel California" rule.

They can check in but they can never leave.

Solves this issue pretty quickly! and YES, I do actually keep the toys.
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JenNJ 06:37 AM 02-09-2012
Trash can in the entryway. Throw the toys out in front of the parents.
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RPrunell 06:37 AM 02-09-2012
I would not be so nice about it. I would take whatever toys the kids bring to dc and put them in the trash. When the parents ask where the toys are tell them that the toys are gone and show them the contract with their signature where is says you are not responsible.

Another option would be to write up a new contract saying that any toys brought to dc become the property of dc and have all parents sign new contract. If you do not want all the toys you can donate them to goodwill or some other charity.
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PitterPatter 06:37 AM 02-09-2012
Originally Posted by Angelwings36:
My contract states...

Please do not bring outside toys and/or activities for your child as conflicts between your child and other children in the daycare are prone to take place. ALL toys and activities will be supplied by myself. Any toys that make their way to my door will be handed back to the parent immediately at drop off. Also I will not be responsible for any outside toys that get passed by me in the morning and are misplaced in the daycare.

So here's my problem...

I have been having a countinuous problem with one family for a whole year now allowing their children dcb4 and dcg5 to bring toys to daycare every single day! In the beginning I would say, "Sorry no toys in daycare and hand them back to the parents." The next day they would come with toys again. I then sent out the "play time' section of my contract that has the above paragraph in it for this family to sign and return to me, which they did. Next day they brought toys again. Finally I got so fed up with handing the toys back I started not saying anything anymore and pretty well closing my eyes to it...MISTAKE! My contract does say that if any outside toys get passed me in the morning and get misplaced in the daycare I am not responsible for that.

This morning dcg5 comes in with 4 barbies (2 more than yesterday) and dcb4 comes in with metal Thomas trains. As I am answering my door for my next family I hear crying coming from my living, I quickly went and investigated. It was my own son age 7 sitting on the floor half dressed in his winter gear for school crying. I asked him what was wrong to which he responded, "**** and **** won't let me play their game and said I am not their friend anymore." Dcg5 and my other dcg5 were playing with the barbies. Let me add it takes a lot for my son to cry, especially in front of the daycare kids. I immediately snatched up all the barbies and the Thomas trains and put them up on my kitchen cupboard both Dcg5 and Dcb4 of course started bawling because I had taken their toys.

What do I do now? If I say something to dcd it will mean nothing and the toys will come back in the morning again. Sending out the above part of my contract doesn't work! I am just so frustrated with this...please help me figure out what the best thing is to do.

Thanks.
Been there done that!

I put my foot down. Hand them back to the parent EVERY morning. Get more stern each time reminding them of the handbook, ask point blank why they are breaking the rules. Let them stand there and say why. They will say oh little johnny wnats it or they will cry if I dont let them... etc... Heard it all! That's when I remind them you are the Mommy you are in charge. Hand them the toy back and say have a great day!

Wash rinse repeat!
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PitterPatter 06:38 AM 02-09-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Sounds like it is time for the "Hotel California" rule.

They can check in but they can never leave.


Solves this issue pretty quickly! and YES, I do actually keep the toys.


LOVE this!!!
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Angelwings36 06:38 AM 02-09-2012
I thought about the "lost in daycare" "check in but don't check out" thing but I didn't know if it was mean to do? I thought maybe I would collect them all in a bag and then give them back after so many months...thoughts on that?
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PitterPatter 06:47 AM 02-09-2012
Originally Posted by Angelwings36:
I thought about the "lost in daycare" "check in but don't check out" thing but I didn't know if it was mean to do? I thought maybe I would collect them all in a bag and then give them back after so many months...thoughts on that?
I tried that but the parent would always ask where the such and such toy was after a day or 2. I would remind her that they are not allowed in daycare so when kids bring toys they get put in a tote and forgotten about and I will give them back eventually. She got mad and demanded it back. This happened a few times until I put my foot down and refused the toys to even enter the house. She didn't care that I would take them because she would just demand them back. More drama. I still say u just have to stick to your guns and not allow ANY toy in, EVER, and they will eventually understand your home your rules, not theirs.

Good luck I hate that power struggle but I am confident you will win you just have to stick to your guns.
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Blackcat31 06:50 AM 02-09-2012
Originally Posted by Angelwings36:
I thought about the "lost in daycare" "check in but don't check out" thing but I didn't know if it was mean to do? I thought maybe I would collect them all in a bag and then give them back after so many months...thoughts on that?
Ok, let me ask you this...

If you take the toys and keep them for a bit and then give them back what are you teaching the children AND parents?

If you have done all the other things such as saying something, reminding them with notes and copies of the contract and they are still doing it then I think you only have 2 choices;

1) take and keep the toys. indefinitely.

2) when child arrives with a toy you say "Mom, the rule says 'NO TOYS FROM HOME!' please take your child and the toy and return it to the car. PLease come back in without the toy as my contract states, which you agreed to." and then be super firm about it and do not allow the child, parent or toy to enter your home.

Besides those two options, I got nothing else for ya
YOU have the power to change the situation. You just have to do it.
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MrsB 06:52 AM 02-09-2012
It is so frustrating isnt it? I have had the same problems too. I solved mine by as soon as the child walks in with the toy or I notice it, I take the toy away and put it up on the top of the cubbies, (so they can't sneak it back down later) and I say no toys at daycare, you can have it back when mommy/daddy pick you up. The kid may throw a fit, but I just turn around and walk away. Afterwhile they will stop bringing them or wont fuss when you put them up, but you will have to deal with a few fits. For the most part, my parents have gotten the hint and I dont have much of an issue anymore. One time, I had a parent tell me, "well I dont have the time to deal with a fit in the morning if I take it away. The toy is so SPECIAL to him." Oh brother! So you want me to deal with the fit! I have also heard, "well I talked to Johnny, and he said he would share" Which I am sure he had every intention of sharing his leggo robot with everyone. Until the 12 month old starts putting them in their mouth. I told them, share or not, no toys, plus I can't inspect every toy to make sure it hasn't been recalled, or that it is appropriate for the ages that I have attending that day.

If you dont want to do the put up until pick up idea...Maybe you could tell the parent that from now on you wont allow him/her in with outside toys. When you open up the door and see the toys say you cant come in until you give the toys to mom and dad. Shut the door and let the parents deal with it.

Good luck! Besides bringing kids sick and late pickups, this is one of the top irritants I have with do this job!

I do have a day each month that they can bring a sharing item. (it has to relate to our monthly theme) It is one hour that they get to get it out and share it and play with it. Then they have to put them back up until pickup.
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AfterSchoolMom 07:00 AM 02-09-2012
I'd definitely just ask the parents WHY they continue to break your rules every single day. You could also initiate a "toy handling" fee.
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DCMom 07:04 AM 02-09-2012
I don't have a 'no toys from home rule'. I don't even have a 'policy' on it. It's one of those things that just creates a power struggle.

The kids (and parents) all know if they bring a toy from home, they share it. If it causes a problem it goes into the cubby until pick up time (this is what happens 99.9% of the time). If it gets broken or lost at daycare it isn't my responsibility, it's theirs. They can piss and moan about it all they want. I really don't care. They made the choice to bring the toy, that was the chance they took.

One of my 'non-issue' items and I rarely have problems with it.
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Zoe 07:11 AM 02-09-2012
Originally Posted by DCMom:
I don't have a 'no toys from home rule'. I don't even have a 'policy' on it. It's one of those things that just creates a power struggle.

The kids (and parents) all know if they bring a toy from home, they share it. If it causes a problem it goes into the cubby until pick up time (this is what happens 99.9% of the time). If it gets broken or lost at daycare it isn't my responsibility, it's theirs. They can piss and moan about it all they want. I really don't care. They made the choice to bring the toy, that was the chance they took.

One of my 'non-issue' items and I rarely have problems with it.
That was how I felt as well....until the kid started bringing more and more toys that were smaller and smaller. Then one day she started bringing rubber bands, used band-aids , and pennies. That's when I started putting my foot down and made her put them in mom's hands while saying "no toys from home, those are choking hazards...don't want a dead baby." That got the point across and she hasn't brought anything since. Harsh but effective.

To the OP, I know it's super annoying to have to do it every day, but I would just start giving the toys back to mom and dad every morning again like you used to. And while you're doing it, say "no toys from home, you know the rule, please follow it." Honestly, they're adults, you shouldn't have to baby them and it's ridiculous that some parents require more work than the kids! Sorry you have to deal with this and I'm glad you put the toys up after the kids made your son cry. I'm a mama bear and I would be so angry if that had happened to my son.
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DCMom 07:16 AM 02-09-2012
Originally Posted by Zoe:
That was how I felt as well....until the kid started bringing more and more toys that were smaller and smaller. Then one day she started bringing rubber bands, used band-aids , and pennies. That's when I started putting my foot down and made her put them in mom's hands while saying "no toys from home, those are choking hazards...don't want a dead baby." That got the point across and she hasn't brought anything since. Harsh but effective.
That's beyond toys from home. A kid like that, I would handle exactly like you did. Don't you just wonder some days...
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Zoe 07:19 AM 02-09-2012
Originally Posted by DCMom:
That's beyond toys from home. A kid like that, I would handle exactly like you did. Don't you just wonder some days...
It started out as Barbies and stuff, so I was fine with it! Then for some odd reason THAT'S what she decided was a "fun toy from home." I was so confused by the reasoning on that one. So I figured I'd just not allow anything so there was no confusion.
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Sunchimes 07:19 AM 02-09-2012
I also allow toys, but my handbooks says that they will be shared and I'm not responsible. I can't think of a single day that the toy was played with more than a couple of minutes after arrival before they moved on to something else. At that point, I quietly pick up the toy and put it in their bag.

That said, it's easy for me because I only have 3 and they are still young. But, I consider it to be training them in the way we mean to go forward.
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bice99 07:39 AM 02-09-2012
No toys/lovies/blankies allowed in my DC except the ones I provide. Who knows where that toy has been and then a wobbler gets ahold of it and chews on it. EWWWW. So I told parents it was a hygiene issue as well. That stopped them.
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cheerfuldom 08:34 AM 02-09-2012
Trash can by the door (on the porch preferably) and parents take the toys back to the car or they get thrown in the trash, right there in front of mom and dad. Same thing for food from home, candy and anything else that should not come in.
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TBird 08:41 AM 02-09-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Sounds like it is time for the "Hotel California" rule.

They can check in but they can never leave.

Solves this issue pretty quickly! and YES, I do actually keep the toys.
Exactly! My policy is.....

NO TOYS FROM HOME. Many children find it hard to share a toy from home and a lost or broken toy is*distressing for the child. Hunting for a missing toy is time consuming.…please consider it a donation!

One or two parents have stocked my daycare with toys....quite literally!!!
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sharlan 08:48 AM 02-09-2012
I really haven't had an issue with this. Any toys brought from home are either shared or put on top of the fridge for the owner to see.

Since you have such an issue, I would set a trash can outside the front door for toys. Tell the parents, trash or car, your choice.
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Unregistered 08:56 AM 02-09-2012
They continue to bring them in the door because it makes the morning easy for the parent. They get to be the good guys who get to say "yes." At the door you get to be the bad guy who says "no." So mommy would let you bring toys to daycare, but Miss Suzie says no toys allowed. Miss Suzie gets to be the meanie who enforces the rules, and deals with the issues. If you can find away to make it more work for them by bringing toys, it will stop.
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Crazy8 09:54 AM 02-09-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
They continue to bring them in the door because it makes the morning easy for the parent. They get to be the good guys who get to say "yes." At the door you get to be the bad guy who says "no." So mommy would let you bring toys to daycare, but Miss Suzie says no toys allowed. Miss Suzie gets to be the meanie who enforces the rules, and deals with the issues. If you can find away to make it more work for them by bringing toys, it will stop.
EXACTLY. I would make parent AND child bring the toy back to the car - make it inconvenient for them. Honestly, your biggest mistake was to give up so easily. You needed to keep up on them from the start and getting them to change after a YEAR is going to be even more of a struggle. Honestly, if someone blatently disregarded one of my rules that much they'd probably be looking for a new daycare. You have your policies for a reason, only YOU can enforce them.
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Cat Herder 09:58 AM 02-09-2012
I see a few choices:

1. Enforce your OWN policies. Make a stand. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

2. Give up and cope / Pick a bigger battle.

3. Change to a policy that requires no policing. "All toys from home will be considered a donation. Thank you in advance."
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Kim 10:02 AM 02-09-2012
I have a no toys from home policy too. I never used to but after so many times of toys getting broken, lost, fought over, etc. I added the policy. All of my parents are respectful of the policy. If someone sneaks a toy in it goes into their cubby until pick up time. I also have sharing day each Friday so if a child has something special to share (doesn't have to be a toy though) they are allowed to bring it and share it at circle time. It stays in the cubby until circle time and after circle time it gets put back into the cubby.
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Sugar Magnolia 10:15 AM 02-09-2012
How about this, in spoken word form, not in reprinted handbook form, at pick up time today. "mom, the toys from home are becoming a serious issue. Your children will not be allowed to bring any toys from home. It is your responsibility to ensure no toys leave your car. I will not allow this anymore, it its not fair to the other children. No exceptions. Thanks." Sorry, but this is easily solved with spoken words. Don't ask, tell.
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Lianne 12:12 PM 02-09-2012
A friend of mine got tired of this battle with the parents and kids so she took a rubbermaid container and put it outside her front door. When the kids arrived in the morning with a toy in hand, they put it in the rubbermaid bin and could collect it at the end of the day. For those kids who resisted she waited for the parents to leave then didn't give the kids a choice.
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sahm2three 12:30 PM 02-09-2012
Originally Posted by Angelwings36:
My contract states...

Please do not bring outside toys and/or activities for your child as conflicts between your child and other children in the daycare are prone to take place. ALL toys and activities will be supplied by myself. Any toys that make their way to my door will be handed back to the parent immediately at drop off. Also I will not be responsible for any outside toys that get passed by me in the morning and are misplaced in the daycare.

So here's my problem...

I have been having a countinuous problem with one family for a whole year now allowing their children dcb4 and dcg5 to bring toys to daycare every single day! In the beginning I would say, "Sorry no toys in daycare and hand them back to the parents." The next day they would come with toys again. I then sent out the "play time' section of my contract that has the above paragraph in it for this family to sign and return to me, which they did. Next day they brought toys again. Finally I got so fed up with handing the toys back I started not saying anything anymore and pretty well closing my eyes to it...MISTAKE! My contract does say that if any outside toys get passed me in the morning and get misplaced in the daycare I am not responsible for that.

This morning dcg5 comes in with 4 barbies (2 more than yesterday) and dcb4 comes in with metal Thomas trains. As I am answering my door for my next family I hear crying coming from my living, I quickly went and investigated. It was my own son age 7 sitting on the floor half dressed in his winter gear for school crying. I asked him what was wrong to which he responded, "**** and **** won't let me play their game and said I am not their friend anymore." Dcg5 and my other dcg5 were playing with the barbies. Let me add it takes a lot for my son to cry, especially in front of the daycare kids. I immediately snatched up all the barbies and the Thomas trains and put them up on my kitchen cupboard both Dcg5 and Dcb4 of course started bawling because I had taken their toys.

What do I do now? If I say something to dcd it will mean nothing and the toys will come back in the morning again. Sending out the above part of my contract doesn't work! I am just so frustrated with this...please help me figure out what the best thing is to do.

Thanks.
I was having this issue too, until I sent home a note that stated that any toys brought into daycare would be kept as a donation to the daycare. Since then, no more toys brought from home!
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littlemissmuffet 12:41 PM 02-09-2012
I don't have the patience you folks do. I have a 3 strikes and you're out rule here... for all of my policies (don't care if it's the same rule or a combination). I have zero tolerance for people who think that the rules do not apply to them. The first time, I would have handed the toys back and said "Our policy is no outside toys are to be brought in the daycare, don't do it again". Second time would have been "This is your final warning, do not bring outside toys in my home". Third time would have been "Here's your child's toy and here's your termination letter for not following my policies"!

Sounds harsh, but really, why bother even having rules if you're not going to enforce them seriously?
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Crystal 12:55 PM 02-09-2012
I would directly ask the parent "I am certain that you understand the policy about no toys being brought to daycare, as I have told you several times, as well as have provided - and had you sign- the policy. WHY do you continue to disrespect me my disregarding my policies?"

I'd say it firmly, with a stern look on my face and I'd MAKE them answer me.

They can only disrespect you if you allow it. I guarantee you if you call them out on it, bluntly and directly, it will stop.
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Blackcat31 01:08 PM 02-09-2012
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I would directly ask the parent "I am certain that you understand the policy about no toys being brought to daycare, as I have told you several times, as well as have provided - and had you sign- the policy. WHY do you continue to disrespect me my disregarding my policies?"

I'd say it firmly, with a stern look on my face and I'd MAKE them answer me.

They can only disrespect you if you allow it. I guarantee you if you call them out on it, bluntly and directly, it will stop.
especially the part about respecting you.
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sharlan 01:28 PM 02-09-2012
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I would directly ask the parent "I am certain that you understand the policy about no toys being brought to daycare, as I have told you several times, as well as have provided - and had you sign- the policy. WHY do you continue to disrespect me my disregarding my policies?"

I'd say it firmly, with a stern look on my face and I'd MAKE them answer me.

They can only disrespect you if you allow it. I guarantee you if you call them out on it, bluntly and directly, it will stop.
I totally agree.
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RPrunell 08:48 AM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet:
I don't have the patience you folks do. I have a 3 strikes and you're out rule here... for all of my policies (don't care if it's the same rule or a combination). I have zero tolerance for people who think that the rules do not apply to them. The first time, I would have handed the toys back and said "Our policy is no outside toys are to be brought in the daycare, don't do it again". Second time would have been "This is your final warning, do not bring outside toys in my home". Third time would have been "Here's your child's toy and here's your termination letter for not following my policies"!

Sounds harsh, but really, why bother even having rules if you're not going to enforce them seriously?
Unfortunately, this may not be an option for a lot of people here. Some of us need the income from running a day care and we don't have a list of people waiting to get in.
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MarinaVanessa 09:38 AM 02-17-2012
Personally I like the idea of having a container of some sort outside on the front porch next to the entrance. Personally I wouldn't make it a trash can but maybe perhaps a cardboard box would work. I'd write "Place Outside Toys Here" directly on it in big bold letters. I'd make it a priority to meet this family at the door every morning. If you were accustomed to having your door unlocked, I'd lock it just for this family. When they arrived and knocked, I'd answer the door and block the entrance with my body and ask to be given all of the toys. Then I would hold the toys and move out of the way and let them inside. Once they were inside I would put the toys in the box and come inside and close the door.

I would also be prepared for whatever situation arised afterwards. If the kids cried for their toys I would tell the parent "This is why I don't allow toys from home". If the parent asks why or says it's not a big deal I'd explain it one last time verbally and refer them to the contract/handbook. If the parent continued to bring toys each day and continued to question it then I would type up the policy and an explaination about why I don't allow toys from the outside and examples of some scenarios that can or have happened (no names). I would hand them this letter each time they brought a toy from home (the same exact letter) and I would not explain it any further to them, just keep putting the toys in the box and hand them another letter.
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Ariana 10:15 AM 02-17-2012
Yeah I'd definately hang a bag in my entrance and immediately put the toys in there. Mom and dad clearly don't want conflict with their kids so they're pushing your boundaries instead of using discipline. Just take the toys from mom and dad and plop them right into the bag....let the kids have their little tantrum and move on with your day. Give it two weeks and the kids will learn. It's unfortunate that you're the one having to teach them this.
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Tags:enforcing policies - consistency
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