I have a family who I watch 2-3 days a week. On the days I do not have their family the mom sometimes picks her SA child up at my home off the bus (picks up in front of our yard). I have told mom several times that I don't have any problems with this - only that she must be here in time for the bus b/c sometimes my own children will not ride as I will pick them up at school & there is always the possiblilty that I won't be home as they are my only family. I love this DCF & the mom & I have become friends or at least more than acquaintances. The problem is I do enjoy my days without their family - I have my own preschool child who is home with me all day & I enjoy doing things one-on-one with him. So on days DCG gets off the bus at our home sometimes the mom with arrive to pick her child up off the bus & instead of waiting in her car she will arrive 30 min before the bus comes & come knock on my door expecting to visit/entertain with her own preschool child in tow. Some days I have let her in & was happy to chat but since I never know if she is coming I find it somewhat rude that she just expects to come into chat with no notice (somedays she will pick her child up after school at the school rather than having her ride the bus). Am I overreacting or wrong to expect to have childcare-free days & not have to visit with the parent? Other days she has knocked at my door & knew I was home but I did not answer. I generally was doing somethign with my son & didn't feel like I should have to stop. Opinions?

Reply

I had a mom just like this once. I stopped answering the door and pretended I wasn't home. This only worked because my kids are/were old enough to babysit themselves for a bit if I had a quick errand to do. I HATED feeling like a prisoner in my own home though. Not knowing if she was gonna stop by early to chat (aka tell me that her sons problems were all the school's fault) or if she was gonna wait at the end of the drive. Eventually her son got kicked out of my kids school district so the problem solved itself. IDK what I would have done had he continued to ride home with my kids. (((HUGS))) to you for having to deal with an awkward situation like this.

Reply

I dont even know why someone would do that!

Reply

She probably doesn't even realize that she is imposing on your day off. If your not comfortable just telling her it's not working out for you having her visit at that time. I would start having an excuse everyday, I'm sorry I'm just getting in the shower, or anything I could come with, even sorry I don't have time to visit today or just don't answer the door.

Reply

I would put a note on door. Nappig. Or answer the door and let her know you are in the middle of something. When she picks up next time let her know you enjoy visiting, but on your days off you are focusing on your preschooler. Since they have to share you when you are working.

Reply

Thanks all for your insight! I did explain to mom that some days I won't be able to visit but other days I can & I am happy to (I do like this mom!) & she seemed to be okay with it. I don't want her thinking I am being rude by not opening my door to her.

Reply

It sounds like you are being too nice and not communicating your needs to her. Either she is allowed to come on any day or she is not. You have to pick because clearly she can't moderate herself or understand your side of things. I would tell her that you have decided that any days that the daycare is closed, are reserved for time with your immediate family only. If she would like to plan any sort of visit or playdate, she is welcome to call first. You cannot do any last minute things.

Reply

You're right - I am a people-pleaser, but I am learning, sometime the hard way. I do think though that she is realizing that I won't be available at her every beck & call.

Reply

Just dont answer the door. She will get the message! CC free days are so nice. Im a people pleaser to but I'am learning as well.
Debbie

Reply