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  #1  
Old 10-26-2011, 04:20 PM
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Default What Do You Do With A Child Who Won't Stay In A Child's Place?

I know that sounds antiquated and it is, but I could think of no other way to word it.

I have a 4 year old who will be 5 in Dec. She is the oldest kid I have, and 6 months older than the next oldest, 8 months older than the next oldest girl. She's a pretty well-behaved child and very intelligent but...

...she will NOT go mind her business, which is playing with her friends.

She is constantly in my or my assistant's face, telling on someone, telling US how we should handle other children, telling us what we should do next, asking for things. She is constantly telling other children what to do. I instituted a "tattle = immediate time-out" policy with her, and that has cut down on the constant tattling, but she just seems not to be able to go handle children's business.

If I give her an instruction, I have to give it over and over...because after each one she's telling me how she would rather do it or "why don't you make ____ do it".

She's the one who, at breakfast, told one of the morning teachers "um, you need to go get his breakfast now." when another child came in.

I know we're living a brave new world and everything, but I still believe in children behaving like children and speaking respectfully to adults...

...what do you ladies think/do?
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  #2  
Old 10-26-2011, 04:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Hunni Bee View Post
I know that sounds antiquated and it is, but I could think of no other way to word it.

I have a 4 year old who will be 5 in Dec. She is the oldest kid I have, and 6 months older than the next oldest, 8 months older than the next oldest girl. She's a pretty well-behaved child and very intelligent but...

...she will NOT go mind her business, which is playing with her friends.

She is constantly in my or my assistant's face, telling on someone, telling US how we should handle other children, telling us what we should do next, asking for things. She is constantly telling other children what to do. I instituted a "tattle = immediate time-out" policy with her, and that has cut down on the constant tattling, but she just seems not to be able to go handle children's business.

If I give her an instruction, I have to give it over and over...because after each one she's telling me how she would rather do it or "why don't you make ____ do it".

She's the one who, at breakfast, told one of the morning teachers "um, you need to go get his breakfast now." when another child came in.

I know we're living a brave new world and everything, but I still believe in children behaving like children and speaking respectfully to adults...

...what do you ladies think/do?
I agree with you 100%. I don't mind giving children a reason for something...if I want to give them a reason. Sometimes, I simply answer "because I am the adult here, and I said so", or "why do YOU think?".

As for tattling..my first question would be "are you telling me this to get someone IN trouble, or telling me to get someone "OUT of trouble? In trouble =time out, out of trouble...thank you.

Have you sat her down and talked to her about it when it's NOT happening? Something like "when you say these things, I think you are trying to be helpful, but you actually sound a little rude. Here, the grown-ups are in charge, and the kids just get to have fun and play. That is the kids' job! How about if when I do this (make up a signal), then you know that what you are doing is rude. THat way, you will know BEFORE you get in trouble, and can just go have fun instead of sitting in boring old time out?"

Worth a try....
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Old 10-26-2011, 05:17 PM
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I have three girls this way - they feed off each other. I've started just daying 'because it's the rule' unless it's something that really needs an answer. That seems to have cut it down alot.

I've also started telling my main tattler, in mid sentence of a tattle, that if she's tattling I'm going to walk away. Then she either stops or I walk away.
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Old 10-26-2011, 05:34 PM
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I would just tell her, " Susan, you are a little girl, your job is to play. I'm the grown up, I make grown up choices. Go play now. "
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Old 10-26-2011, 05:59 PM
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I have this with my DD, who is in the same boat--older by a good bit than everyone else. I tell her, "You only worry about [DD] not anyone else."

Ugh I feel you though...it's frustrating and a bit annoying. DD has taught this tendency to the next oldest dcb, who is doing it too. One of my youngest dcks is very...bossy, and does this too. Rawr.
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Old 10-26-2011, 06:21 PM
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I have a boy like this. He is a SA so I only have three days afterschool and it has gotten better. I used the ' you are kid it is your job to play, and mine to make sure they follow the rules.'
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Old 10-26-2011, 06:24 PM
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Everything she is doing is to get YOU to "do" her.

She is engaging you so she wins. Even if you tell her it doesn't have anything to do with her and to go play she gets the TIME and ATTENTION that saying "it doesn't have anything to do with you.. go play". THAT'S what she's after. Your response to her is what she wants. Doesn't matter WHAT she brings to you.. she gets what she wants. Doesn't matter if she is telling the other kids what to do .. she knows that leads to YOU doing HER.

You need to get her prompts down to "go play toys" "play toys" ... "you TOYS" ... "toys".. "go".

She needs super sharp prompts that are at MOST three words but at best one word. The rest of her prompts need to be with your body language, tone, and facial expressions.

When she is approaching you with her "engagement" behavior start off with "go play toys" ..... if she comes at you again or after one of the other kids then give her "YOU go play". If she reoffends again then get it shorter 'YOU toys".. then just to TOYS!!!!!

Your nonverbal needs to be a strict stern look.. eyes squinted.. lips tight.. and stare directly at her. Tone needs to be low and the words need to come out quick.

If she doesn't back down then you put your hand on her shoulders and redirect her to the toy area and then say the words "go play toys".

So when she comes to tattle on one of the kids.......... stand up....... look down.... game face on....... and say "go play toys".

You don't have to negotiate with her. You don't have to explain things to her. You don't have to listen to her opinion. You don't have to allow her to give you a news report update on the kids. You don't have to have her EVER between you, your staff assistant, or the other kids.

She doesn't deserve to be treated like an adult. It hurts her to have that role. It hurts her ability to enjoy this precious time as a child. Give her the gift of the role of a child in your group.

That means stopping full stop her tip toeing or barging into your business.

Every minute of every day she needs an adult to confirm with her that she is to DO toys and DO being a friend to the kids and DO being a child. That's what shes CRAVING for. The rules, boundaries, and limitations that keep her in the child role.

You are punishing her by these actions......... you are BLESSING her when you do it. You are respecting her right to be a child in the GROUP of children.


Give THAT to her. She deserves it and needs it.

The way to check on how you guys are responding to her that makes her THINK she's one of you instead of a kid that needs to go play is how many seconds it takes to get her to comply and how many words you are using to get her to do it. It needs to get down to one word to her and one second she gets back on track. Then the number of "engagement" behaviors she gives you needs to dramatically decline within a week.

That is when you will know she is getting it. She will show you a calm and centered kid when you put her back into the life of a child in the group in your group of kids.
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Old 10-26-2011, 07:05 PM
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Everything she is doing is to get YOU to "do" her.

She is engaging you so she wins. Even if you tell her it doesn't have anything to do with her and to go play she gets the TIME and ATTENTION that saying "it doesn't have anything to do with you.. go play". THAT'S what she's after. Your response to her is what she wants. Doesn't matter WHAT she brings to you.. she gets what she wants. Doesn't matter if she is telling the other kids what to do .. she knows that leads to YOU doing HER.

You need to get her prompts down to "go play toys" "play toys" ... "you TOYS" ... "toys".. "go".

She needs super sharp prompts that are at MOST three words but at best one word. The rest of her prompts need to be with your body language, tone, and facial expressions.

When she is approaching you with her "engagement" behavior start off with "go play toys" ..... if she comes at you again or after one of the other kids then give her "YOU go play". If she reoffends again then get it shorter 'YOU toys".. then just to TOYS!!!!!

Your nonverbal needs to be a strict stern look.. eyes squinted.. lips tight.. and stare directly at her. Tone needs to be low and the words need to come out quick.

If she doesn't back down then you put your hand on her shoulders and redirect her to the toy area and then say the words "go play toys".

So when she comes to tattle on one of the kids.......... stand up....... look down.... game face on....... and say "go play toys".

You don't have to negotiate with her. You don't have to explain things to her. You don't have to listen to her opinion. You don't have to allow her to give you a news report update on the kids. You don't have to have her EVER between you, your staff assistant, or the other kids.

She doesn't deserve to be treated like an adult. It hurts her to have that role. It hurts her ability to enjoy this precious time as a child. Give her the gift of the role of a child in your group.

That means stopping full stop her tip toeing or barging into your business.

Every minute of every day she needs an adult to confirm with her that she is to DO toys and DO being a friend to the kids and DO being a child. That's what shes CRAVING for. The rules, boundaries, and limitations that keep her in the child role.

You are punishing her by these actions......... you are BLESSING her when you do it. You are respecting her right to be a child in the GROUP of children.


Give THAT to her. She deserves it and needs it.

The way to check on how you guys are responding to her that makes her THINK she's one of you instead of a kid that needs to go play is how many seconds it takes to get her to comply and how many words you are using to get her to do it. It needs to get down to one word to her and one second she gets back on track. Then the number of "engagement" behaviors she gives you needs to dramatically decline within a week.

That is when you will know she is getting it. She will show you a calm and centered kid when you put her back into the life of a child in the group in your group of kids.
This.

Thank you. Seriously.

This is what I want to do, but I wasn't sure how to go about it. I'm weary of explaining "its not your business - go play" to her, and its not doing any good anyway. Like you said, it still amounts to me "doing" her and her doing me instead of her toys and friends.
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Old 10-26-2011, 07:33 PM
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So -your message to the child consists of 6 words and it doesn't work, but Nannyde's 3 word message is a miracle cure? Sounds to me like you were saying the exact same thing to the child as Nannyde is recommending. I am confused as to how her solution is any different than what you've been doing already. I'm not trying to do a "troll" thing here but am just curious as to what makes her words any different from your words since they all seem to me to be/mean the exact same thing. I have a child just like this and I tell him the same sort of thing and yet he persists, so I'd really like to know the exact number of words that will magically make him stop!
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Old 10-26-2011, 07:37 PM
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So -your message to the child consists of 6 words and it doesn't work, but Nannyde's 3 word message is a miracle cure? Sounds to me like you were saying the exact same thing to the child as Nannyde is recommending. I am confused as to how her solution is any different than what you've been doing already. I'm not trying to do a "troll" thing here but am just curious as to what makes her words any different from your words since they all seem to me to be/mean the exact same thing. I have a child just like this and I tell him the same sort of thing and yet he persists, so I'd really like to know the exact number of words that will magically make him stop!
Try the smileys. They will make you seem less trollish.
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Old 10-26-2011, 08:26 PM
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So -your message to the child consists of 6 words and it doesn't work, but Nannyde's 3 word message is a miracle cure? Sounds to me like you were saying the exact same thing to the child as Nannyde is recommending. I am confused as to how her solution is any different than what you've been doing already. I'm not trying to do a "troll" thing here but am just curious as to what makes her words any different from your words since they all seem to me to be/mean the exact same thing. I have a child just like this and I tell him the same sort of thing and yet he persists, so I'd really like to know the exact number of words that will magically make him stop!
Because one way is words only with zero support in any other area.

The other response involves a process of teaching the child her "place" so to speak. It involves words, tone of voice, body language, action and a continuous routine which reassures the child that this is the way it is and within that concept is security.

A secure child will feel comfortable enough to simply be who they are and do their job (playing) and not have to feel as though they need to have negative behaviors and actions just to get attention.

Using only words would be severely falling short of the "big picture" and successfully getting the child to stop the negative behaviors.
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Old 10-26-2011, 09:27 PM
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So -your message to the child consists of 6 words and it doesn't work, but Nannyde's 3 word message is a miracle cure? Sounds to me like you were saying the exact same thing to the child as Nannyde is recommending. I am confused as to how her solution is any different than what you've been doing already. I'm not trying to do a "troll" thing here but am just curious as to what makes her words any different from your words since they all seem to me to be/mean the exact same thing. I have a child just like this and I tell him the same sort of thing and yet he persists, so I'd really like to know the exact number of words that will magically make him stop!
I've always thought too much talking to little kids (as far as instructions or redirection) is the same as saying "djnmnmnseie". They shut down after a few sentences, or even a few words. So to me, there kinda is a magic way to say something that will make sense to them, shut down protests, and get them to do what you ask...in as few words possible.
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Old 10-27-2011, 03:26 AM
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So -your message to the child consists of 6 words and it doesn't work, but Nannyde's 3 word message is a miracle cure? Sounds to me like you were saying the exact same thing to the child as Nannyde is recommending. I am confused as to how her solution is any different than what you've been doing already. I'm not trying to do a "troll" thing here but am just curious as to what makes her words any different from your words since they all seem to me to be/mean the exact same thing. I have a child just like this and I tell him the same sort of thing and yet he persists, so I'd really like to know the exact number of words that will magically make him stop!
Because the chaos you create around the no is the chaos that she is seeking. Decreasing the chaos means decreasing the TIME, words, and keeping your body language clear and directional.

Stand above her ...tell her "go play toys" with firm facial expressions and directional gestures (point towards toys and kids) and then turn YOUR body away so she sees only your back walking away.

If she's doing it to a group of kids at a toy do the same as above but do the directional gestures to ANOTHER area of toys and insist she go play toys there. She doesn't get chaos from you or get to create chaos with the kids. She needs to go to another area and go play toys... or go to another toy area and play toys to start over.

She must be successful everywhere she goes even if we have to orchestrate that based on her "engagement" behaviors.

It works. They get the idea that they need to make it with the kids... entertain themselves... and they can't suck the life out of the adult minute to minute. Once they get THAT then they are balanced and see the JOY in playing with their peeps with nice toys in a nice comfortable room.
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Old 10-27-2011, 03:34 AM
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So -your message to the child consists of 6 words and it doesn't work, but Nannyde's 3 word message is a miracle cure?
Three words is the MAXIMUM response.

Go

Play

Toys



Then:
Play
Toys


Then

Toys

Starts out with a friendly reminder... then gets strict... then serious disaproval and demanding by the time you get to one word prompts.

It gets less and the nonverbal gets more strict and concise.
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Old 10-27-2011, 05:21 AM
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So -your message to the child consists of 6 words and it doesn't work, but Nannyde's 3 word message is a miracle cure? Sounds to me like you were saying the exact same thing to the child as Nannyde is recommending. I am confused as to how her solution is any different than what you've been doing already. I'm not trying to do a "troll" thing here but am just curious as to what makes her words any different from your words since they all seem to me to be/mean the exact same thing. I have a child just like this and I tell him the same sort of thing and yet he persists, so I'd really like to know the exact number of words that will magically make him stop!
I used Nan's way on a very stubborn 4 year old dcg and it work just like she said it would.
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Old 10-27-2011, 05:31 AM
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I've always thought too much talking to little kids (as far as instructions or redirection) is the same as saying "djnmnmnseie". They shut down after a few sentences, or even a few words. So to me, there kinda is a magic way to say something that will make sense to them, shut down protests, and get them to do what you ask...in as few words possible.
I agree with this completely! I have found that children have been treated like little adults and allowed to run the show. I found the more "explaining" I do the more I put them on my "level" so to speak. I dont owe them an explination I am the adult they are the kid"cause Im the babysitter thats why" should be all the explination they need. I am trying to use less and less word with discipline. Many times I just say thier name now and they self correct. Or I just give them "the look"
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Old 10-27-2011, 06:05 AM
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She sounds like a leader. I would make her my biggest helper and give her task to keep her busy and redirect. She needs busy work that will challenge her.

She also sounds like it's her job at home to care for younger ones or possible parent's.

It also sounds like she needs a little power, that is suited for her age. I would say to her.......yes he is almost ready for his breakfast, you are very observant to notice that. The things that annoy you are actually sounding like they are her assets to be.

Always hold her to respect and talking in a tone that is nice to you.

These kids can really challenge us, because they are on top of things more then we are at times.

Books, puzzles, jobs to do like picking up the blocks and making the area look special. Think ahead of her and when you can't have back up of busy work.

Fun fun fun look at her as it's my job to teach you because someday she might be taking care of you as a nurse, doctor, teacher, etc..... and you inspired her by showing her patience (not always easy to do, esp when you have JJ, John John, little dumpling, and booger nose all wanting you too)
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Old 10-27-2011, 06:16 AM
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I would just tell her, " Susan, you are a little girl, your job is to play. I'm the grown up, I make grown up choices. Go play now. "


I have said this myself to a child I had like this before. Course I had to say it a couple million times.
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Old 10-27-2011, 06:30 AM
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She sounds like a leader. I would make her my biggest helper and give her task to keep her busy and redirect. She needs busy work that will challenge her.

She also sounds like it's her job at home to care for younger ones or possible parent's.

It also sounds like she needs a little power, that is suited for her age. I would say to her.......yes he is almost ready for his breakfast, you are very observant to notice that. The things that annoy you are actually sounding like they are her assets to be.

Always hold her to respect and talking in a tone that is nice to you.

These kids can really challenge us, because they are on top of things more then we are at times.

Books, puzzles, jobs to do like picking up the blocks and making the area look special. Think ahead of her and when you can't have back up of busy work.

Fun fun fun look at her as it's my job to teach you because someday she might be taking care of you as a nurse, doctor, teacher, etc..... and you inspired her by showing her patience (not always easy to do, esp when you have JJ, John John, little dumpling, and booger nose all wanting you too)
I couldn't disagree with this more. In fact, I think this advise will harm the situation and even put the kid, workers, and other children at risk.

The child is ALREADY leading. She's an incompetent leader because she has not had the life experience of being led. THAT'S what's missing. She needs to have day after day where she FOLLOWS. Where she understands that she is to do as she is told and mind the adult.

She needs the boredom that comes from having to manage your enviornment without controlling the adults and kids and getting rewarded with extra special adult and your way with the kids.

She needs to be in front of KID toys and say "YOU do this". YOU make something of this. YOU find a way to keep yourself happy with things that are designed for YOU.

She's NOT showing signs of leadership and that she will do something great. She's showing signs of being overinduldged every where she goes. She's BEGGING for leadership. She's BEGGING for boredom. She's BEGGING for the boundaries that keep her within her own KIND... which is the other KIDS... not the adults.

NO SPECIAL. She's had a childhood of special. She needs plain and simple. Down to the minute... she goes and plays JUST like everyone else. She doesn't NEED explanations or affirmations of the words she's putting forward. She doesn't NEED an explanation of why the adult will take her words or not. She NEEDS to be told to GO PLAY TOYS and nevermind what the adults are doing and MIND what they are saying to you. She needs to be completely WITHIN what the other kids are doing and BE... ONE... OF... THEM.

She's a ball of chaos... she's showing you what a kid looks like that is ALLOWED to lead with her words and her body. She needs to FOLLOW... for month after month after month...

When she does get to lead it needs to be in really small spurts and then go back to being one of many. She needs to EARN not DEMAND her leadership. She hasn't earned a role of leadership and she shows that she's happy with high level adult interaction. She's not lacking that. She'll get that with her parents where she is the one child in the house. In the group she needs to be JUST a regular kid in a group with the same expectations everyone else has.

Giving her special will escalate her and with that escalation will come hitting, pushing, shoving, tantruming, foul words, and one refusal after another. The day she refuses to follow directions when her SAFETY or another kids SAFETY is at risk will come very quickly with your plan.

It's NOT just about her. It's about the OTHER children AND the adults. The other kids don't like her ways and the adults don't either. They ALL need to have an enjoyable day. If you are going to do SPECIAL and wall to wall activities then do it for the ones who can easily switch to "go play toys" without any fussing or problems. THEY are your leaders... not a kid that acts like this.
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Old 10-27-2011, 06:31 AM
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With tattlers, I tell them to go play. When they protest, I say, "You can play or you can sit quietly at the table. Your choice." I don't engage it. If they tattle again, off to the table to do a quiet activity.

I personally wouldn't make them my biggest helper as a another poster suggested. It would reinforce the notion that she is an authority figure and in reality I am THE authority.

Sometimes I am watching a situation to see how the parties are going to work it out themselves. A tattler ruins that decision making process for the kids involved by publicly drawing my attention to the situation. Those kids lose a learning opportunity because the tattler needs attention. That is not ok.

My job is to help these kids make good decisions ON THEIR OWN. A tattler is constantly bringing an adult in to referee situations when many times it is not warranted. I only intervene when needed. An argument over a toy -- not worth stepping in. I wait to see when the kids will remember the rule about sharing and work it out together. Someone is hitting -- I will see it on my own. I don't need a child's help to do my job.

I have never had a helpful tattle tale. It is an annoying and disruptive habit that I do not tolerate.
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Old 10-27-2011, 06:47 AM
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I agree with Nan on this one. "Go Play Toys" works. It is simple and effective...and better yet, easy to remember when you get busy. LOL

I also agree that it's not a good idea to make this child the leader or the one to do special things. She already thinks she's more important than the other kids. Why add fuel to the flames? She needs to be put in her place, which is to GO PLAY TOYS.
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Old 10-27-2011, 07:00 AM
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I agree with Nan on this one. "Go Play Toys" works. It is simple and effective...and better yet, easy to remember when you get busy. LOL

I also agree that it's not a good idea to make this child the leader or the one to do special things. She already thinks she's more important than the other kids. Why add fuel to the flames? She needs to be put in her place, which is to GO PLAY TOYS.
I agree with Nan too, as making this child the leader is exactly what she wants. I made the mistake of allowing a child in that same situation be the leader thinking that would solve the problem....Oh, lordy, what a bad move!! Ultimately, I was only adding fuel to the fire and it got worse!!

In my situation the child was not the caretaker of younger sibs at home or caretaker of parents....he had simply had learned how to gain attention using those behaviors.

Took a bit of redirecting but ultimatley addressed and corrected the situation successfully.
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Old 10-27-2011, 07:02 AM
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I will say that I was this kid in so many ways. I had to grow up too early. I was never really allowed to just "go play" My parents involved me in alot of thier drama and I had no real chance at being a child in a child role.
At the time my parents treating me as an adult was what I thought I wanted. Now I looke back and see that I would have been so much happier and saved myself years of therapy if I could have had my childhood forced back on me a bit.
My own children really are totally "children" I dont let them know about bills being due. I dont let them hear me and my dh fight. They have no real worries. My mom said one day "your kids are the happiest Ive ever met! They just have nothing to worry about." That was a huge compliment to me.
Childhood is a magical time of very little responsibility. When you allow the tattling then you are allowing them more responsibility and that destroys a little of the joy of being a child IMHO
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Old 10-27-2011, 08:33 AM
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Have you asked if she wants to play? Maybe she's bored. At 6 you can give her more activities that engage her to think such as Nomenclature cards, story writing, culture study and so on there are great free downloadable materials on
http://www.montessoriforeveryone.com...s_ep_60-1.html

If you hover over her and tell her what to do you are intimidating her. Through force we remove their choice and therefore their self esteem and ability to make commitments. Give her a choice would you like to play or write a story.

Conflict is an opportunity to teach. If she's telling on someone take the opportunity to talk as a community about what happened.
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Old 10-27-2011, 08:39 AM
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Have you asked if she wants to play? Maybe she's bored. At 6 you can give her more activities that engage her
The little girl in the OP is four years old, not six.
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Old 10-27-2011, 08:43 AM
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There is a way to talk and be polite not just to adults but to everyone. Being polite and respectful takes learning. When she says things like "you need to do this or that now" hmmm... Sounds like she's hearing this from an adult.
Children observe us and like to mimic us. So the best thing to do is model respect.
Give her an example on how she could say it politely.
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Old 10-27-2011, 08:47 AM
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For four you can still do the Nomenclature cards just have her match the pictures.
Other things for age 4
-sandpaper letters
-writing numbers
-bead stringing
-pouring exercises
-lacing a shoe and other practical life skills
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Old 10-27-2011, 08:52 AM
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Have you asked if she wants to play? Maybe she's bored. At 6 you can give her more activities that engage her to think such as Nomenclature cards, story writing, culture study and so on there are great free downloadable materials on
http://www.montessoriforeveryone.com...s_ep_60-1.html

If you hover over her and tell her what to do you are intimidating her. Through force we remove their choice and therefore their self esteem and ability to make commitments. Give her a choice would you like to play or write a story.

Conflict is an opportunity to teach. If she's telling on someone take the opportunity to talk as a community about what happened.
I'm sorry but I do not agree with this statement. My parents NEVER EVER EVER gave me choices like that as a child. I did as I was told and never thought for one second that I should of had a choice. I was the child, my parents were the authority. If I didn't like it I could grow up and move out.

....and if you knew me, you'd know I absolutely do not suffer from self-esteem issues or suffer from any lack of abilty to make committments.

I get the whole child-led curriculum approach and do agree with some of them.... well parts of them. However, in my house I make the rules and the little people follow. I am not overly concerned about self esteem.

IMHO, When this new trend of child development therorists started focusing so intently on self esteem was exactly when the train started derailing....
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Old 10-27-2011, 08:52 AM
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For four you can still do the Nomenclature cards just have her match the pictures.
Other things for age 4
-sandpaper letters
-writing numbers
-bead stringing
-pouring exercises
-lacing a shoe and other practical life skills
Or she could go play toys with her mates. Instead of doing activities that require any adult she could be teamed up with the YOUNGEST kids in the room and play toys with them.

They will teach her more than any letters, stringing, numbers, lacing, or pouring. Free playing with THEM will be a GIFT to her.
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Old 10-27-2011, 08:58 AM
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Default How to teach tattlers

This I took from the book "Easy to Love, Difficult to Disciple"

When a child brings you a problem involving a perceived intrusion by another, the first question to ask is, "did you like that?"
This may seem odd but it is critical for three reasons.
1- it helps you to asses how much assertiveness energy the tattler possesses. Assertiveness energy is the level of faith the child has in the power of her words to influence others.
2- saying no has a great deal of assertive energy and answering your question makes that energy instantly available to your child.
3- you have helped the child focus on herself and her own feelings rather than on the other person. This lays a foundation for self-control.
If the child responds no, say to the child "go tell Logan, "stop, I don't like when you push me"
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Old 10-27-2011, 09:07 AM
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I believe in Montessori approach. Children don't see work as work they enjoy it and it doesn't have to be "work" if you know how to present the materials. Children love learning. And yes play is learning too! I see my child buttoning up the dolls clothes. She's learning!
You are making the choices and giving them choices that are within your limit. Example if the child is having a had time in the morning getting dressed. "Would you like to wear the red or blue shirt? "
A clear choice that involves the child wearing a shirt which is what I want.
It has really helped the tantrums go down.
There are times where they know there is a clear choice "you have to hold my hand when we cross the street" and followed by "if you don't I will pick you up"
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Old 10-27-2011, 09:24 AM
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Have you asked if she wants to play? Maybe she's bored. At 6 you can give her more activities that engage her to think such as Nomenclature cards, story writing, culture study and so on there are great free downloadable materials on
http://www.montessoriforeveryone.com...s_ep_60-1.html

If you hover over her and tell her what to do you are intimidating her. Through force we remove their choice and therefore their self esteem and ability to make commitments. Give her a choice would you like to play or write a story.

Conflict is an opportunity to teach. If she's telling on someone take the opportunity to talk as a community about what happened.

There's thousands of articles on the net now about how the generation of high self esttem kids are doing as new workers in the work force. Might want to see how that pans out when they HAVE to be one of many and just do their jobs.

Go play toys is the kiddie equivallent of "get to work". It's not about self esteem or a teaching opportunity. It's about being one of many and being able to entertain yourself. It's about be the entertainOR instead of the entertainee.


http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122455219391652725.html

With Wall Street in turmoil and a financial system in crisis mode, companies are facing another major challenge: figuring out how to manage a new crop of young people in the work force -- the millennial generation. Born between 1980 and 2001, the millennials were coddled by their parents and nurtured with a strong sense of entitlement. In this adaptation from "The Trophy Kids Grow Up: How the Millennial Generation Is Shaking Up the Workplace," Ron Alsop, a contributor to The Wall Street Journal, describes the workplace attitudes of the millennials and employers' efforts to manage these demanding rookies.

* * *
When Gretchen Neels, a Boston-based consultant, was coaching a group of college students for job interviews, she asked them how they believe employers view them. She gave them a clue, telling them that the word she was looking for begins with the letter "e." One young man shouted out, "excellent." Other students chimed in with "enthusiastic" and "energetic." Not even close. The correct answer, she said, is "entitled." "Huh?" the students responded, surprised and even hurt to think that managers are offended by their highfalutin opinions of themselves.

If there is one overriding perception of the millennial generation, it's that these young people have great -- and sometimes outlandish -- expectations. Employers realize the millennials are their future work force, but they are concerned about this generation's desire to shape their jobs to fit their lives rather than adapt their lives to the workplace.


Alison Seiffer..Although members of other generations were considered somewhat spoiled in their youth, millennials feel an unusually strong sense of entitlement. Older adults criticize the high-maintenance rookies for demanding too much too soon. "They want to be CEO tomorrow," is a common refrain from corporate recruiters.

More than 85% of hiring managers and human-resource executives said they feel that millennials have a stronger sense of entitlement than older workers, according to a survey by CareerBuilder.com. The generation's greatest expectations: higher pay (74% of respondents); flexible work schedules (61%); a promotion within a year (56%); and more vacation or personal time (50%).

"They really do seem to want everything, and I can't decide if it's an inability or an unwillingness to make trade-offs," says Derrick Bolton, assistant dean and M.B.A. admissions director at Stanford University's Graduate School of Business. "They want to be CEO, for example, but they say they don't want to give up time with their families."

Millennials, of course, will have to temper their expectations as they seek employment during this deep economic slump. But their sense of entitlement is an ingrained trait that will likely resurface in a stronger job market. Some research studies indicate that the millennial generation's great expectations stem from feelings of superiority. Michigan State University's Collegiate Employment Research Institute and MonsterTrak, an online careers site, conducted a research study of 18- to 28-year-olds and found that nearly half had moderate to high superiority beliefs about themselves. The superiority factor was measured by responses to such statements as "I deserve favors from others" and "I know that I have more natural talents than most."

For their part, millennials believe they can afford to be picky, with talent shortages looming as baby boomers retire. "They are finding that they have to adjust work around our lives instead of us adjusting our lives around work," a teenage blogger named Olivia writes on the Web site Xanga.com. "What other option do they have? We are hard working and utilize tools to get the job done. But we don't want to work more than 40 hours a week, and we want to wear clothes that are comfortable. We want to be able to spice up the dull workday by listening to our iPods. If corporate America doesn't like that, too bad."

Where do such feelings come from? Blame it on doting parents, teachers and coaches. Millennials are truly "trophy kids," the pride and joy of their parents. The millennials were lavishly praised and often received trophies when they excelled, and sometimes when they didn't, to avoid damaging their self-esteem. They and their parents have placed a high premium on success, filling résumés with not only academic accolades but also sports and other extracurricular activities.

Now what happens when these trophy kids arrive in the workplace with greater expectations than any generation before them? "Their attitude is always 'What are you going to give me,' " says Natalie Griffith, manager of human-resource programs at Eaton Corp. "It's not necessarily arrogance; it's simply their mindset."

Millennials want loads of attention and guidance from employers. An annual or even semiannual evaluation isn't enough. They want to know how they're doing weekly, even daily. "The millennials were raised with so much affirmation and positive reinforcement that they come into the workplace needy for more," says Subha Barry, managing director and head of global diversity and inclusion at Merrill Lynch & Co.

But managers must tread lightly when making a critique. This generation was treated so delicately that many schoolteachers stopped grading papers and tests in harsh-looking red ink. Some managers have seen millennials break down in tears after a negative performance review and even quit their jobs. "They like the constant positive reinforcement, but don't always take suggestions for improvement well," says Steve Canale, recruiting manager at General Electric Co. In performance evaluations, "it's still important to give the good, the bad and the ugly, but with a more positive emphasis."

Millennials also want things spelled out clearly. Many flounder without precise guidelines but thrive in structured situations that provide clearly defined rules and the order that they crave. Managers will need to give step-by-step directions for handling everything from projects to voice-mail messages to client meetings. It may seem obvious that employees should show up on time, limit lunchtime to an hour and turn off cellphones during meetings. But those basics aren't necessarily apparent to many millennials.

Gail McDaniel, a corporate consultant and career coach for college students, spoke to managers at a health-care company who were frustrated by some of their millennial employees. It seems that one young man missed an important deadline, and when his manager asked him to explain, he said, "Oh, you forgot to remind me." Parents and teachers aren't doing millennials any favors by constantly adapting to their needs, Ms. McDaniel says. "Going into the workplace, they have an expectation that companies will adapt for them, too."

Millennials also expect a flexible work routine that allows them time for their family and personal interests. "For this generation, work is not a place you go; work is a thing you do," says Kaye Foster-Cheek, vice president for human resources at Johnson & Johnson.

Although millennials have high expectations about what their employers should provide them, companies shouldn't expect much loyalty in return. If a job doesn't prove fulfilling, millennials will forsake it in a flash. Indeed, many employers say it's retention that worries them most.

In the Michigan State/MonsterTrak study, about two-thirds of the millennials said they would likely "surf" from one job to the next. In addition, about 44% showed their lack of loyalty by stating that they would renege on a job-acceptance commitment if a better offer came along.

These workplace nomads don't see any stigma in listing three jobs in a single year on their resumes. They are quite confident about landing yet another job, even if it will take longer in this dismal economy. In the meantime, they needn't worry about their next paycheck because they have their parents to cushion them. They're comfortable in the knowledge that they can move back home while they seek another job. The weak job market may make millennials think twice about moving on, but once jobs are more plentiful, they will likely resume their job-hopping ways.

Justin Pfister, the founder of Open Yard, an online retailer of sports equipment, believes he and his fellow millennials will resist having their expectations deflated. If employers fail to provide the opportunities and rewards millennials seek, he says, they're likely to drop out of the corporate world as he did and become entrepreneurs. "We get stifled when we're offered single-dimensional jobs," he says. "We are multi-dimensional people living and working in a multi-dimensional world."

These outspoken young people tend to be highly opinionated and fearlessly challenge recruiters and bosses. Status and hierarchy don't impress them much. They want to be treated like colleagues rather than subordinates and expect ready access to senior executives, even the CEO, to share their brilliant ideas. Recruiters at such companies as investment-banking firm Goldman Sachs Group Inc. and Amazon.com describe "student stalkers" who brashly fire off emails to everyone from the CEO on down, trying to get an inside track to a job.

Companies have a vested interest in trying to slow the millennial mobility rate. They not only will need millennials to fill positions left vacant by retiring baby boomers but also will benefit from this generation's best and brightest, who possess significant strengths in teamwork, technology skills, social networking and multitasking. Millennials were bred for achievement, and most will work hard if the task is engaging and promises a tangible payoff.

Clearly, companies that want to compete for top talent must bend a bit and adapt to the millennial generation. Employers need to show new hires how their work makes a difference and why it's of value to the company. Smart managers will listen to their young employees' opinions, and give them some say in decisions. Employers also can detail the career opportunities available to millennials if they'll just stick around awhile. Indeed, it's the wealth of opportunities that will prove to be the most effective retention tool.

In the final analysis, the generational tension is a bit ironic. After all, the grumbling baby-boomer managers are the same indulgent parents who produced the millennial generation. Ms. Barry of Merrill Lynch sees the irony. She is teaching her teenage daughter to value her own opinions and to challenge things. Now she sees many of those challenging millennials at her company and wonders how she and other managers can expect the kids they raised to suddenly behave differently at work. "It doesn't mean we can be as indulgent as managers as we are as parents," she says. "But as parents of young people just like them, we can treat them with respect."
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Old 10-27-2011, 09:27 AM
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Awesome post Nan!
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Old 10-27-2011, 09:27 AM
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I believe in Montessori approach. Children don't see work as work they enjoy it and it doesn't have to be "work" if you know how to present the materials. Children love learning. And yes play is learning too! I see my child buttoning up the dolls clothes. She's learning!
You are making the choices and giving them choices that are within your limit. Example if the child is having a had time in the morning getting dressed. "Would you like to wear the red or blue shirt? "
A clear choice that involves the child wearing a shirt which is what I want.
It has really helped the tantrums go down.
There are times where they know there is a clear choice "you have to hold my hand when we cross the street" and followed by "if you don't I will pick you up"
And while all of this is great, it does not help the problem at hand. Tattling is not allowed in the OP's daycare. It is a rule. As adult members of society, we all need to follow rules (laws) for the group as a whole to be successful. This is the premise that all daycares thrive on. Rules are made and followed for the good of the group. I don't see any issue with an adult authority figure enforcing rules with children. Without a clear set of rules, daycare would be a very dangerous place.

The child DOES have a choice here: if she tattles, she will have a consequence; if she worries about her task at hand only and lets the daycare provider handle the problems, she will continue to be rewarded with privileges and praise.
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Old 10-27-2011, 09:30 AM
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I use less words too.

Honestly, I hate listening to people who use too many words. "I washed the sheets" is fine. I don't need "I washed the sheets, and I used fabric softener so they should be nice and fresh, then I folded them in order, so the fitted sheet is on the top of the pile, and now you can make the bed, and the way I folded them makes it easier for you."

Because "I washed the sheets" would have been enough for me, and I tune out all the rest.

"Go play".

"Stop!"

A simple point into the playroom, with a look that says go play is usually enough.
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Old 10-27-2011, 09:33 AM
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Awesome post Nan!
OP's this: She is constantly in my or my assistant's face, telling on someone, telling US how we should handle other children, telling us what we should do next, asking for things. She is constantly telling other children what to do.

and this:


If I give her an instruction, I have to give it over and over...because after each one she's telling me how she would rather do it or "why don't you make ____ do it".

leads to this:

These outspoken young people tend to be highly opinionated and fearlessly challenge recruiters and bosses. Status and hierarchy don't impress them much. They want to be treated like colleagues rather than subordinates and expect ready access to senior executives, even the CEO, to share their brilliant ideas.
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Old 10-27-2011, 09:43 AM
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many parents confuse bossiness as a leadership quality. Likewise, many confuse outright disrespect as an independent nature.

A four year old should never be in a position of leadership. They are four, for goodness sake. Age appropriate responsibility is one thing but why would you give a child a leadership role when they can clearly not control themselves yet?

As another poster said, leadership is a very heavy burden to bear. I can remember being a 5 year old, cleaning (dishes, organizing closets and everything!) and being privy to my parents drama. I cannot remember having a time where I could just play and not have these very adult issues to worry about. The best gift I can give my kids is a childhood. They can run free in our backyard, get dirty, learn, be snuggled and read to and all those fun childhood memories. There will be plenty of opportunities for leadership in the future. I would never ask them of that now or allow them to demand it. Its important that they grow and gain skills in a healthy progression.
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Old 10-27-2011, 10:16 AM
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So if she gets hurt she should be quite and take it. Because you have no voice or say. You will be punished if you talk because you area child.
Wow. I'm out of here. This makes me so sad.
Listen to children. Respect them. Love them.
I do ts becuase I Love children and enjoy what I'm doing. Seeing their interaction and development is wonderful. Children are brilliant and can do more then we think if we just have faith and give them the tools.
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Old 10-27-2011, 10:37 AM
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So if she gets hurt she should be quite and take it. Because you have no voice or say. You will be punished if you talk because you area child.
Wow. I'm out of here. This makes me so sad.
Listen to children. Respect them. Love them.
I do ts becuase I Love children and enjoy what I'm doing. Seeing their interaction and development is wonderful. Children are brilliant and can do more then we think if we just have faith and give them the tools.
???What???
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Old 10-27-2011, 10:40 AM
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So if she gets hurt she should be quite and take it. Because you have no voice or say. You will be punished if you talk because you area child.
Wow. I'm out of here. This makes me so sad.
Listen to children. Respect them. Love them.
I do ts becuase I Love children and enjoy what I'm doing. Seeing their interaction and development is wonderful. Children are brilliant and can do more then we think if we just have faith and give them the tools.
No if she gets hurt the adult will SEE the getting hurt, SEE the look of pain, SEE the change in her inflection and her body movements. When an adult SEES she is hurt then of course they will check and do the appropriate care and lovins... then go play toys.

The OP didn't say anything about the child behaving badly during injury. How does that have to do with her interupting adults and directing adults?

The loving respectful thing to do with kids is prepare them for REAL life where they are one of many........ with bosses............ with work......... with boredom............. with age mates...... with younger....... with older....

I do it because I love children and enjoy what I'm doing. Seeing their interaction and development is wonderful. Children ARE brilliant and can do exactly what I think they can do. Having them have a childhood of being a CHILD and PLAY with repect for their position and respect for their elders will give them the tools they need to be successful.

See that wording goes both ways.

I think you are mistaking the intent of the OP. She didn't come and ask about what to do to get the childs self esteem up. She doesn't HAVE problems with the kid when she's doing as the child wants. The kid doesn't have any issues with directing adults or doing as she pleases.

It's when she's told to be one of the GROUP and stay out of the adults business that the kid is having a hard time. She's not having a problem when she's played WITH it's when the adults AREN'T playing with her.

The suggestions you gave are about playing WITH her and finding more special for her to do. She does fine with THAT stuff. She's okie dokie when she gets to lead. It's when she's NOT leading that's the problem the OP brought to us.
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Old 10-27-2011, 10:56 AM
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So if she gets hurt she should be quite and take it. Because you have no voice or say. You will be punished if you talk because you area child.
Wow. I'm out of here. This makes me so sad.
Listen to children. Respect them. Love them.
I do ts becuase I Love children and enjoy what I'm doing. Seeing their interaction and development is wonderful. Children are brilliant and can do more then we think if we just have faith and give them the tools.
I don't believe that anyone is saying this.

Letting an adult know that you are being hurt is not tattling. No one expects a child being hurt to be quiet and take it. IMHO, a child being hurt by another child needs the moment to deal with it, to say STOP, but when that doesn't work, they most definitely need to ask for an adult to intervene. We need to give them a chance to stand up for themselves and not intervene the second something happens. Obviously, I am not talking about infants or way older/younger situations.

A child tattling about mundane issues needs to be redirected. A child telling you how to do your job needs to be redirected. The adult needs to do it in whatever way works for them.
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Old 10-27-2011, 10:57 AM
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So if she gets hurt she should be quite and take it. Because you have no voice or say. You will be punished if you talk because you area child.
Wow. I'm out of here. This makes me so sad.
Listen to children. Respect them. Love them.
I do ts becuase I Love children and enjoy what I'm doing. Seeing their interaction and development is wonderful. Children are brilliant and can do more then we think if we just have faith and give them the tools.
I do agree with all of that. But, nobody can listen to the same child talk all day. Even if he or she has a strong opinion.

Kids have a LOT more energy than adults, and can spend a whole entire childhood talking and requiring attention. Kids in school are not allowed to have a nonstop opinion. They are not invited into a group of teacher's conversations because they have no business in it. The teacher will start sending notes home to the parents about little CIndy's excessive talking or interrupting.

Customers want an employee to do his or her job..not eavesdrop and put in their two cents. I don't want a waitress to sit down at my table and give me their opinion on my problems, or tell me how to parent.

Adults can't walk up to you in Walmart and tell you that you should buy your child a snack, because the child looks hungry.

We adults were all taught to mind our business when we were children. There's a respectful way to do that...but, we do not owe it to children to think they are the entire world. We owe it to them to respectfully teach them that while we value their opinion, giving orders to others is not acceptable in most circles.

The attitude lately that bugs me the most, is that if another adult would DARE, even consider giving you advice or an opinion is highly insulting to other adults. Literally...an adult can NEVER say to another parent "Oh, he's standing up in the cart..he might fall" without really upsetting the parent. EVERYTHING is none of anybody else's business. BUT, these same parents want their precious, highly important child to be able to interject any thoughts or ideas on an adult, no matter how rude it seems. THAT is perfectly fine. But, adults no longer have the right to speak up. Only children.
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Old 10-27-2011, 10:59 AM
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So if she gets hurt she should be quite and take it. Because you have no voice or say. You will be punished if you talk because you area child.
Wow. I'm out of here. This makes me so sad.
Listen to children. Respect them. Love them.
I do ts becuase I Love children and enjoy what I'm doing. Seeing their interaction and development is wonderful. Children are brilliant and can do more then we think if we just have faith and give them the tools.
You are making very strange assumptions. You speak a lot about listening to kids, but I wonder if you HEAR them. You certainly aren't HEARING me.

If someone is hurt, obviously that is not the same as tattling. Tattling is reporting every minor thing back to the provider for the sole purpose of getting someone else "in trouble."

All of my kids (both my own and my daycare kids) have voices. They choose activities to fill our days, they choose what they do or do not want to eat, they choose the dress up clothes to wear, the toys to play with, the materials to use in an art project. They choose to sleep when they are tired, to run when they are energetic, and to sing when they are happy. These are age appropriate choices.

Sometimes they do not have a choice. They do not choose if they will listen when the fire alarm goes off -- they WILL listen. They do not have a choice of what shoes to wear outside -- it is dangerous to wear sandals on the play equipment. They do not a have a choice to open the door -- they will not open it because it is dangerous for themselves and others. I make those choices for them because I RESPECT the responsibility that their parents have placed in me to protect and care for their children.

I respect their well being and safety first and foremost. I respect their right to make choices as long as they are making safe, age appropriate choices. I do this because I love them and my world would end if anything bad ever happened to them.
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Old 10-27-2011, 12:18 PM
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I have a couple bossy little girls and if I were to let them "help" or be "leaders", it wouldn't take long for chaos to set in. If I were to give them the opportunity to be in charge of anything, the other dcks would be miserable. I don't let them tattle on the other kids if it's not a matter of safety. No special treatment. No exceptions.

I am the adult here and that means that I call the shots. It doesn't mean that I don't listen to my dcks. I listen to them because I want them to know that they are being heard, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to do what they want me to do.

I have a very strict policy when it comes to being disrespectful to anyone. Not just adults, but other children in my care, too. I see it happen way too much when some parents come to pick up their kids and instead of parents getting hugs, they are getting screamed at by their 4 year old or having the child order them around and actually have that work! Seriously, if I had ordered my mom to take me to McDonald's and buy a happy meal for me, it wouldn't have worked. I would have gotten into trouble.
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Old 10-27-2011, 01:42 PM
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Originally Posted by JenNJ View Post
You are making very strange assumptions. You speak a lot about listening to kids, but I wonder if you HEAR them. You certainly aren't HEARING me.

If someone is hurt, obviously that is not the same as tattling. Tattling is reporting every minor thing back to the provider for the sole purpose of getting someone else "in trouble."

All of my kids (both my own and my daycare kids) have voices. They choose activities to fill our days, they choose what they do or do not want to eat, they choose the dress up clothes to wear, the toys to play with, the materials to use in an art project. They choose to sleep when they are tired, to run when they are energetic, and to sing when they are happy. These are age appropriate choices.

Sometimes they do not have a choice. They do not choose if they will listen when the fire alarm goes off -- they WILL listen. They do not have a choice of what shoes to wear outside -- it is dangerous to wear sandals on the play equipment. They do not a have a choice to open the door -- they will not open it because it is dangerous for themselves and others. I make those choices for them because I RESPECT the responsibility that their parents have placed in me to protect and care for their children.

I respect their well being and safety first and foremost. I respect their right to make choices as long as they are making safe, age appropriate choices. I do this because I love them and my world would end if anything bad ever happened to them.
go girl...... lol

I agree with this....big difference.. Nothing worse than see a child get off on getting their friends into trouble..

My rules:
unless your not breathing, your bleeding, hurt or the house is on fire, I don't want to hear the tattle.

We have discussion time where we all sit and talk about our weekends or whatever is on their mind. Talking to a child and having to hear tattle non stop is 2 different things...
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Old 10-27-2011, 02:41 PM
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Oh Nannyde,

Thank you again. And thank you for including the link. I plan to memorize most of this article. It's so true.
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Old 10-27-2011, 04:42 PM
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Sad I missed this discussion.

But please don't be mislead lol. This little one has NO self esteem problems in my opinion. She is extremely outgoing, curious, and happy.

Her self esteem MAY be a little too high...as in the way she thinks that her self is the same as myself in running the classroom. I don't need another assistant, I don't need her to be "in charge" of the younger kids (I have a mixed age preschool group). I don't need her to tell me someone is hitting or running because like another poster said, I've already seen it. My job is to supervise.

All I need and want her to do is look after her own behavior and play with her friends. I don't think her self esteem would be harmed if she sticks to that.

I provide instances in which they can lead, make decisions, voice their opinions. However, I make a clear difference in the situations where I lead, and she resists that all the time. So she hears reprimands and is sent to time out day in and day out for being rude and in adults business.

So she needs this. So she can be happier.
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Old 10-27-2011, 05:02 PM
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However, in my house I make the rules and the little people follow. I am not overly concerned about self esteem.

IMHO, When this new trend of child development therorists started focusing so intently on self esteem was exactly when the train started derailing....
Exactly. I love this.
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Old 10-27-2011, 05:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Hunni Bee View Post
Sad I missed this discussion.

But please don't be mislead lol. This little one has NO self esteem problems in my opinion. She is extremely outgoing, curious, and happy.

Her self esteem MAY be a little too high...as in the way she thinks that her self is the same as myself in running the classroom. I don't need another assistant, I don't need her to be "in charge" of the younger kids (I have a mixed age preschool group). I don't need her to tell me someone is hitting or running because like another poster said, I've already seen it. My job is to supervise.

All I need and want her to do is look after her own behavior and play with her friends. I don't think her self esteem would be harmed if she sticks to that.

I provide instances in which they can lead, make decisions, voice their opinions. However, I make a clear difference in the situations where I lead, and she resists that all the time. So she hears reprimands and is sent to time out day in and day out for being rude and in adults business.

So she needs this. So she can be happier.
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/261848...03895#12403895

At the two minute forty second mark............
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  #50  
Old 10-27-2011, 07:24 PM
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Maybe this doesn't quite fit with this thread, but I have a boy who sounds much like the OP's day care child on the days I have full enrollment. However, now there are a couple of days a week when he is only here with a much younger child (he's 4, other boy 1.) On those days when my numbers are down, the 4 year old wants me to play with him or to entertain him. Constantly. He's an only child who seems to be very involved with the adult world at home. Any suggestions about how to get him more involved with the other child ( nicely, besides tattling on him), even though he's younger, or more able to play w/ "big kid toys" without me always joining in, and less concerned with what I'm doing at every moment of the day (as in - sometimes I'd like to go to the bathroom without him hovering outside the door!) I don't want to lose him because he says he "has no friends to play with" or says he's bored here, but I cannot spend every single moment of the day making sure he's entertained. I'd like to help him become more independent and more sure of himself and his ability to entertain/occupy himself. Any suggestions are welcome!
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Old 10-28-2011, 01:00 PM
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I'm sorry but I do not agree with this statement. My parents NEVER EVER EVER gave me choices like that as a child. I did as I was told and never thought for one second that I should of had a choice. I was the child, my parents were the authority. If I didn't like it I could grow up and move out.

....and if you knew me, you'd know I absolutely do not suffer from self-esteem issues or suffer from any lack of abilty to make committments.

I get the whole child-led curriculum approach and do agree with some of them.... well parts of them. However, in my house I make the rules and the little people follow. I am not overly concerned about self esteem.

IMHO, When this new trend of child development therorists started focusing so intently on self esteem was exactly when the train started derailing....
High five!

Over-indulgence is never the safe route to self-esteem. Today's kids are shining examples of it.
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