Daycare.com Forum Daycare Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-27-2017, 10:07 AM
Poptarts22's Avatar
Poptarts22 Poptarts22 is offline
New Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: NW Ohio
Posts: 89
Default Refuse to pick up and downright disrespect

I have one of the worst groups of dcks currently that I have encountered in my 20+ yrs. they simply refuse to pick up toys. When I say it's pick up time they will stare at me and make no effort to move or pick up a single toy. today I directed for pick up and all of them simply stared at me and then one of the girls (age 4) said Waka Waka Waka and stuck her tongue out at me. She instantly went in time out. I am nearing the end of my patience with the whole lot of them!!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-27-2017, 10:14 AM
Josiegirl's Avatar
Josiegirl Josiegirl is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Right here
Posts: 10,927
Default

What are other consequences besides timing them out? JMO but TO does very little to change kids' behavior.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 04-27-2017, 10:16 AM
childcaremom's Avatar
childcaremom childcaremom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 2,969
Default

I would remove the toys except for one each. Or would remove the prove legend of playing with toys and they would have to sit and colour.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-27-2017, 11:35 AM
EntropyControlSpecialist's Avatar
EntropyControlSpecialist EntropyControlSpecialist is offline
Embracing the chaos.
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: A toasty environment!
Posts: 7,430
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by childcaremom View Post
I would remove the toys except for one each. Or would remove the prove legend of playing with toys and they would have to sit and colour.
I would absolutely do this as well!

Wow. What disrespectful behavior...
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-27-2017, 11:52 AM
Laurie's Avatar
Laurie Laurie is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: California
Posts: 95
Default

WoW!!!! That's seriously rude of the dcg!

I see your frustration and would be there right with you. Kids these days are so rude and disrespectful. It's beyond frustrating because you know exactly where the behavior stems from.... Home and their parents!!!!

I'd limit the toys to one each for a week... Having them color for a weeks a good use also. I'd keep it up until they respect you and your home.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-27-2017, 11:53 AM
Pestle's Avatar
Pestle Pestle is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 1,700
Default

Every toy not picked up is gone. Try again next week. Bonus points if there's a place in view but completely out of reach, so they'll remember they wanted it.

If not picked up on their last day in care that week, it's gone all next week, too.

I know you've got a system that's worked for you since I was in middle school, but consider changing the system for these girls--maybe they have to "check out" toys from you by returning each one as they go.

I've got a new kid who's two. We're dealing with drainage issues and until work starts in mid-May, there's dampness beneath the baseboard at one of the playroom walls. I took up the carpet tiles at that end of the room and put a play yard gate across the room.

So on her first day, the new kid was playing with a toy, and when she was done she chucked the toy over the gate.

She's been very upset this week to see the toy and never get to play with it.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-27-2017, 11:57 AM
Pestle's Avatar
Pestle Pestle is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 1,700
Default

Legally, you can't limit them to one toy a week--there have to be at least 3 toys available per child in most states, right?
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 04-27-2017, 12:02 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,759
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
What are other consequences besides timing them out? JMO but TO does very little to change kids' behavior.
Time out is also just another form of attention for some kids.

I agree with others. I instruct the kids to pick up. If they don't comply, I will pick up for them.

ANY toys I pick up are no longer "options" for those that didn't pick up.

More often than not however, the issue is the directive and not so much the follow through or lack of follow through.

My kiddos have large group play while I am preparing snack or lunch. Large group play is more chaotic and busier than other activities because all the kids are usually playing in one large group with multiple options out and mixed (Duplo blocks/books/cars/action figures).

Sometimes if the play gets a little out of control what I do is about every 15-20 mins I will say "Light pick up!" and all the kids will gather the random pieces and parts that they aren't playing with or that have gotten strewn about.

This helps eliminate a huge mess to clean up later.
Much less overwhelming too!

Another strategy is to assign each child to pickup certain toys.
Kids want structure and routine....they want boundaries and instructions.

Pick up time here goes a bit like this:

"Kerry you pick up all the action figures and Johnny will get the accessories. Billy, put the cars and trucks away and Janie if you could gather all the blocks into one area I bet Suzie and Tiffany would be happy to help you put them in the bin. When each of you are done with your job assignment it will be about time to wash up for lunch. Thank you all for being so good at your job responsibilities. Someday you are going to be excellent workers and will make your boss proud!"

HOW you instruct the kids to do something is just as important as what you are instructing them to do and I know that even as an adult, anytime someone TELLS me to do something my natural instinct is to resist.
But make it fun and interesting and I will usually happily comply.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 04-27-2017, 12:03 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,759
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pestle View Post
Legally, you can't limit them to one toy a week--there have to be at least 3 toys available per child in most states, right?
My state doesn't get that picky.

The only thing it says about toys is that they should be age appropriate and in good condition.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 04-27-2017, 12:14 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,759
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pestle View Post
I know you've got a system that's worked for you since I was in middle school, but consider changing the system for these girls--maybe they have to "check out" toys from you by returning each one as they go.
This is really important for all of us to remember....

Just because we do it X way or it's always worked X way, doesn't mean X is right. Each child is motivated and rewarded in different ways.

There really is no one size fits all rule or method of doing things.

I always tell this same story when explaining my point:

I have two children of my own.
When taking my DD to the store, I could tell her BEFORE going in my expectations of her behavior and that I would reward her with .50 to buy a treat at the check out line if she complied. (she always bought Little Golden books)

She easily understood; if I do X I will GET Y.

When taking my son (at the same age) to the store, I could tell hi my expectations before entering, during and afterwards (sometimes in-lengthy lectures that probably just sounded like "Blah blah blah blah blahblahblahblah" to him...lol!!) and he would still misbehave.

Frustrated me to no end. I felt like going to the store with him would always be this negative experience....

Anyways, one day I decided to try things from another angle.

I explained my expectations for behavior before entering the store. Then I handed him 5 dimes. I told him ANY time I had to remind him or the rules, he had to give me a dime. If he had enough dimes left at the check out he could buy himself a treat. (he always bought HotWheels cars).

This was like THE magic potion!!! I was floored! He became the BEST kid ever in stores...all because I approached it differently but with the same expectations as I had for my DD.

My son didn't get "If I do X I will get Y" but he totally understood "I will lose Y if I don't do X'.


My DD got something whereas my son lost something.

SAME result but different strategy.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 04-27-2017, 12:27 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I always time my pickups around snack and lunch times. I just tell them that I cannot put lunch or snack out until all the toys are picked up. My kids all love their food so you should see them move. And I would never withhold their snacks and lunch .... they just don't know that.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 04-27-2017, 12:46 PM
AmyKidsCo's Avatar
AmyKidsCo AmyKidsCo is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,786
Default

What age are they and when is clean up time?

We clean up before breakfast and before afternoon snack. I've found that food is a great motivator. I never say "Pick up or you can't eat" but it's "We'll have breakfast as soon as we're done picking up."

Cutting down on toys helps, there's less to pick up then.

I give them a choice: "Do you want to pick up the books or the blocks?" If they don't choose it's "3, 2, 1, you get books." If they offer to do something else instead that's fine.

Sometimes I just pick up toys and hand them to the children, with the "hard stare." They usually just put them away.

I sing "Who, who, do I see, cleaning up the toys? I see _____, putting away the ______." (Row, row, row your boat) Pretty soon everyone is picking something up so I'll sing their name. The downside is that they stand and hold it until I do sing...

Every day children who clean up get a sticker. Some days the "best cleaner" holds the stickers for the others to pick. Some times it's random who holds.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 04-27-2017, 12:47 PM
daycarediva's Avatar
daycarediva daycarediva is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 11,543
Default

I have my toys organized in bins. Each child that takes a bin off the shelf is responsible for that bin of toys. If they want to play with something else they must pick up the bin, put it away, and then get another bin out. They can sit there all day if they won't pick up. Don't care. I WILL (and have) left the same toys sitting ALL DAY and overnight. The next day, dcb came in and went to go get another bin- you guessed it, he was redirected right back to the toys on the floor. He tried to hold out- but I won. NO ATTENTION, no punishment, no bribes, no rewards for expected behavior. "I see you're still playing with the dolls. When those are put away you may play with the cars."
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 04-27-2017, 01:59 PM
TheMisplacedMidwestMom's Avatar
TheMisplacedMidwestMom TheMisplacedMidwestMom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Alaska
Posts: 735
Default

On super rough pick up days that the entire group is refusing I'll line up chairs in a row. Everyone sits while Susy picks up five things. Then it's Johnny's turn. Susy "tags" Johnny "in" with a high five. I add some play-by-play commentation. They usually turn it into a speed thing. If it's going well I'll have two kids go at one time. -For the record, I absolutely detest this, I feel like someone else has zapped all my energy when I resort to this. BUT it has never failed to get the room picked up in a timely manner on a rough day and the kids enjoy it once they get going.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 04-27-2017, 02:04 PM
childcaremom's Avatar
childcaremom childcaremom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 2,969
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheMisplacedMidwestMom View Post
On super rough pick up days that the entire group is refusing I'll line up chairs in a row. Everyone sits while Susy picks up five things. Then it's Johnny's turn. Susy "tags" Johnny "in" with a high five. I add some play-by-play commentation. They usually turn it into a speed thing. If it's going well I'll have two kids go at one time. -For the record, I absolutely detest this, I feel like someone else has zapped all my energy when I resort to this. BUT it has never failed to get the room picked up in a timely manner on a rough day and the kids enjoy it once they get going.
I like this idea. Filing away for future reference.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 04-27-2017, 02:18 PM
Ariana's Avatar
Ariana Ariana is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 8,970
Default

What works for me is making it fun. I usually entice them with some sort of game after. An obstacle course, hide the beanbag..literally anything get them excited. I don't tell them what the game is only that there will be a game and only those that helped will get to play. At least one kid will help and you give lots of praise and then play the super fun game with that one kid, refusing anyone else that didn't help. There will be tantrums and crying which is perfect! The next day everyone will help. Once you have a couple of games they enjoy you can then challenge them that whoever cleans up the most or the best gets to pick the game you play. I try to give everyone a turn if they are all trying their best!

We also sometimes play "clean up robots". Everyone has to pretend to be a robot and I am also pretending to be a robot and everyone gets a special robot job to do. It's hilarious as I am speaking to them in a robot voice

This is what has worked for me!
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 04-27-2017, 03:11 PM
Josiegirl's Avatar
Josiegirl Josiegirl is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Right here
Posts: 10,927
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by childcaremom View Post
I like this idea. Filing away for future reference.
Me too Thanks!
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 04-28-2017, 04:00 AM
debbiedoeszip's Avatar
debbiedoeszip debbiedoeszip is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 412
Default

I tell the children that if I have to tidy the toys up then they are being put away in the laundry room (off limits).

Dcb 2.5 has started saying "I can't" when it comes to doing things he doesn't want to do. I tell him "Here, let me help you." and do the hand over hand thing. "See, you CAN do it. Good boy!".
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 04-29-2017, 03:55 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I'd set up expectations each and every morning to the group before free play begins or as each child arrives stating consequences ......refusal to pick up results in table time options only.

I've talked with the group about jobs and their importance. What would happen if all the toys were on the floor? What would they play if all the toys were gone? What other jobs do they have
( hang up coats, put on shoes, push in chair )? what jobs do I have? Their parents? What would happen if the garbage collectors didn't come get the garbage? Big conversation! Etc.

I have a pair of kid's binoculars ( or make your hands into binoculars) and as they pick up I say, "I see Lilly picking up. I see Silas picking up."
This helps a lot but at times doesn't motivate a particular child!

I have a sticker chart which I feel has more value than just the reward. I have names in one column so each child ends up with a row of stickers at the end of two weeks or so ( I cut the strips apart and send the home). They love to decide which sticker, they learn to read their name and friend's names, they come up with a friend and talk about the stickers, they count stickers, they compare length, etc! And yes, there's been times when the stickers didn't motivate a child on a certain day but when they didn't get one they were ready to pick up the next day!

I have a CD with a great clean up song on it. Kathy Poelker


If I have a child that refuses to pick up I leave the toys he/she was playing with set aside and child can not play during next free choice play until they are picked up. i say come pick up your toys or just watch during play time...its your choice! And yes, I've left them overnight!

If a child won't pick up its table toy choices only. If table toys became a problem where a child got them out and not put them away
I'd then explain I will be one choosing one table toy at a time for him/her.

If they were all refusing to pick up I'd think about the rug option. Each child has a small throw rug. That's their play area and they choose one bin at a time and take it to their rug and can't get another till they put that bin away.

I love the line up chairs and make a game out of clean up! I'll use that too!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
classroom management, natural consequenses

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:54 PM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming