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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>HELP...Did I Make the Wrong Decision Letting Go of a Child?
Unregistered 06:47 PM 03-05-2010
I need some advice from some providers who have been doing this for a while. I've been running my own in-home daycare for 5 months. I went from two kids to being completely full just through parents referrals, so I feel confident that I'm providing more than acceptable care.

In early January I got a 5 year old who definitely had some issues. He was constantly hurting other children in my care. I gave his mother a written warning after in the course of a day he cut another child's face clawing him, pushed over one of my toddlers onto the hard floor, and continually hit all the other kids over the course of the day. A week later, again in one day, he shut a little girl's entire hand in the door, kicked a fellow preschooler in the face, pushed my 2 year old into the corner of a dresser and bruised his back, and hit my older son. I gave the mother two weeks to find alternative care. A week later was the final straw when he punched my son in his belly and snatched his art project from school away from him and slammed it onto the hard floor breaking it into a million pieces. At that point I told his mother that tomorrow would be his last day.

This child obviously has some serious issues (and the parents DO NOT DISCIPLINE IN ANY WAY). My husband works with children and is making me feel guilty, saying that he could never give up on a child...did I do the right thing???
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Lucy 08:16 PM 03-05-2010
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I need some advice from some providers who have been doing this for a while. I've been running my own in-home daycare for 5 months. I went from two kids to being completely full just through parents referrals, so I feel confident that I'm providing more than acceptable care.

In early January I got a l5 year old who definitely had some issues. He was constantly hurting other children in my care. I gave his mother a written warning after in the course of a day he cut another child's face clawing him, pushed over one of my toddlers onto the hard floor, and continually hit all the other kids over the course of the day. A week later, again in one day, he shut a little girl's entire hand in the door, kicked a fellow preschooler in the face, pushed my 2 year old into the corner of a dresser and bruised his back, and hit my older son. I gave the mother two weeks to find alternative care. A week later was the final straw when he punched my son in his belly and snatched his art project from school away from him and slammed it onto the hard floor breaking it into a million pieces. At that point I told his mother that tomorrow would be his last day.

This child obviously has some serious issues (and the parents DO NOT DISCIPLINE IN ANY WAY). My husband works with children and is making me feel guilty, saying that he could never give up on a child...did I do the right thing???
I'm sure you don't mean 15 YEAR old. 5 year old maybe?

You absolutely did the right thing. Who knows how long it would've taken to "break" this kid, and in the meantime you are putting others at risk. Not to mention the other parents would be angry and possible leave your daycare.
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Daycare Mommy 08:52 PM 03-05-2010
You made the right decision for the safety of all of the other children in your care. They all depend on you to keep them safe. You just made a very good call. Your husband does have somewhat of a point... someone needs to not give up on that kid, but it isn't you...unless you can empty out your daycare to take care of only him. That child does NOT need to be around younger kids until he works through whatever his issues are. It sounds like he needs some serious help and it may just take a little bit of daycare hopping for his parents to finally see that. You did your part in that and that's all you can do.
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Persephone 05:37 AM 03-06-2010
You did made the right decision! This was just not a child would was doing normal child type hitting and pushing. I mean, he was really hurting your kids!

What kind of work does your husband do? I'm sure in a different setting, where he's not going to lose money if this kid keeps doing it, you would lose your good families!
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tymaboy 07:47 AM 03-06-2010
I agree you did the right thing. If you did not get rid of him you would have started loosing your other families due to this child always hurting them.
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gbcc 09:41 AM 03-06-2010
You absolutely did the right thing. It sounds like a very dangerous situation for the children in your care. This happened to me once as well. I had other parents complaining about their child being bullied constantly. I terminated his care because it was not a safe situation and I didn't want to get dragged into a lawsuit or cps report.
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JennyBoo 05:18 PM 03-06-2010
Do not doubt yourself here at all. You acted very appropriate given your situation. I have to applaud you for dealing with this as long as you did, just know that if you had kept this child, you wouuld continue to be stressed out and the other children in your care would suffer. I really hope that your husband understands and supports you, and just know there will always be families that will respect you and be willing to work with you if their children are inappropriate.

From one home daycare provider to another, I send you hugs and best wishes!

Jenn
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TGT09 06:27 PM 03-06-2010
Wow is all I have to say! You absolutely did the right thing! I even think you went about the right protocol i.e. giving her two weeks but then it got worse so you had to terminate immediately. Man, that would be way too stressful for me!
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jen 08:38 PM 03-06-2010
Tell him you aren't "giving up" on a child...you are protecting SEVERAL children. Also, as the child isn't responding well to the type of discipline your program can offer, it is in the child's best interest for his family to find him an alternative situation that is more suitable to his special needs.
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MarinaVanessa 09:05 AM 03-07-2010
I agree that you did the right thing. You tried to work with the child and although your husband may work with children (in what may I ask?) but you have to watch out for the well being of ALL of the kids in your home. How do your other parents feel about this child doing these these to their children? Relay that information to him as well. It's better to lose one child because he is a safety concern than to lose all of the other children because the other parents don't like the treatment their kids are getting from the one child. Good luck to you!
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Tags:discipline, special needs, termination, warning
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