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Old 11-08-2017, 08:17 AM
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Default 4 Year Old Always Seeking Attention And/or Praise

I have a 4 year old DCG who is always seeking attention from everyone in her presence. From the moment she gets here she is asking me questions like "Do you like my shirt (pants,socks,hair,etc) today?" "Do you think this is cool?", when showing me what she is playing with. "Isn't this awesome" when showing me artwork. She also will repeat questions she has already asked about several times throughout the day. ("Do you like my shirt?") She asks these questions to the other daycare kids as well.
Where I really struggle is when the other daycare parents come to pick up there children at the end of the day and she wants them paying attention to her instead of their own children. An example of this would be "Hey Sally's mom, watch this!" "Hey Jack's dad, look what I can do!"
I feel like I have always been pretty good with praising kids when they have good behavior, treating other nicely, etc. I just feel like this child can't get enough praise and attention! I also feel like the other parents get somewhat annoyed with her wanting their attention everyday at pickup when they just want to be able to talk to their own child and see how their day went.
She is the youngest of three children and her two older siblings are four and six years older than her. The parents have joked about leaving her out of family vacations, going other places without her, and taking days off to spend with the older children while she comes to daycare. I have been told by DCM, "When she gets older, she is probably going to be looking through photos from our vacations some day and asking, how come I'm not in this pictures?!" They have started including her more in their outings as she has gotten older, but many times she is still brought to daycare while the rest of her family is home or has a special "family" day planned. Some of these days are times when she will be my only daycare child here and my children and husband are happen to be home because of days off of school/work. So she is essentially an extension to my family for the day instead of getting to spend time with her family. And they are always aware of when this is the case, because I ask them to leave her car seat so we can go places.
I have to believe that this plays a big part in why she is so attention seeking, but what can I do to help her stop doing this?
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Old 11-08-2017, 08:23 AM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
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Other threads about similar behavior
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Old 11-08-2017, 06:46 PM
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HappyEverAfter HappyEverAfter is offline Member
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That's really sad that her family does so much without her. I get doing some things without her as not every activity might be good for her to join in on but still, I feel for her. I'd say that is definitely a huge factor in why she seeks so much attention. I don't have any suggestions on how to get her to stop but maybe you could work with her on changing it to a less annoying habit. Sort of shifting her line of thought from attention on herself to attention on others.Like When she's saying "hey, do you like my shirt", ask her what she likes about someone else's shirt. Teach her to compliment others often and when she sees how much people like her compliments perhaps she will find happiness in that without needing someone to compliment her.
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Old 11-09-2017, 01:27 PM
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Mom2Two Mom2Two is offline Member
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It sounds like she's a big time extrovert. Strong extroverts can be annoying. I have two that are a little bit that way right now. Dad is in the performing arts, so I can see where they got the genes from.

Dcg3 was calling me/wanting to talk to me a lot about...nothing. She just wanted to keep me busy with her. For a while, I had to ignore her/not respond when she called me, because I knew that 99% sure it was about nothing. She also wanted to engage all the other parents at pick up. But she's only three and it wasn't hard to change her.

Brother5 is super-social. I have to seat him in a different place when the kids watch a show, because he can't pay attention to the show--he turns to watch the other children rather than the show. I've had to get firm with him about it. When he has to choose between joining in with another, naughtier, child's prank vs staying out of it, he can't stay out of it. Engaging with another child outweighs any -ve consequence that might be coming. And for him it's social--joining in--not the prank itself.

But sadly, I would say that for your dcg, being ignored by her loved ones will make her behavior worse, not better. She will always be trying to fill that void of not being accepted by her loved ones. And she will probably really annoy other children at school.

I would start consciously teaching her how to fit in a bit better. She's going to have to consciously learn behaviors that are not her natural MO.

I would also try talking to the parents about what might be coming in the future. It can get a lot worse than it is right now. Maybe they could make a point of giving her one-on-one time everyday, when she can have their full attention and let her talk about whatever she wants to.
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Old 11-10-2017, 12:11 PM
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hwichlaz hwichlaz is offline Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: California
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Miss Heather, watch my dance moves.

Miss Heather, look what I made.

Hey lady (to a therapist for another child) do you know my name? Look at me!

Miss Heather, can I have a hug and a kiss.

Miss Heather, can I brush your hair.

Miss Heather, I'm thirsty.

Miss Heather, she's....

Miss Heather, he's....

Miss Heather Miss Heather Miss Heather

yes, she's 4....and lives with grandma because her mom had something happen in her life that she can't take care of her kids right now....

she's also me when I was a little girl, for all of the same reasons
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four year old

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