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Unregistered 07:14 AM 07-05-2020
Do you ever kids who desire alone time during the day? I have 2 who are ages 8 & 10 and they both request alone time almost every day. They claim its too loud and they just want to relax, but honestly they are the loudest kids in my care. I was allowing the 8 year old in particular to lay down in the family room on the couch b/c I can see him from the main play area. However, the other kids all started claiming they also need a turn in the family room. I shut that down quickly, but he wants to touch the fish tank, use my private bathroom which is attached to the family room, and climb on the back of my couch so I told him no more. However, now we're back to him claiming to be overwhelmed and needing space. He says there's no quiet place in my house. Again, he is 90 percent of the noise. How do you honor his request for space while maintaining the integrity of the whole group?
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284878 08:06 AM 07-05-2020
My SA get alone time during nap time. Tell them you will be happy to give them alone time at noon. At nap time, give them a choice to lay down and rest or sit down to read for at least 20 minutes. Then after reading, they can color or draw for another 20 minutes. But separate the SA as much as possible. Also every goes to the bathroom before nap time. I also Print grade appropriate mazes, crosswords and search words, math activities sheets off teacher pay teacher or education site for them to do after drawing.
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Cat Herder 10:11 AM 07-05-2020
I'd tell him he is in group daycare and as such he will stay with the group until time to go home. Same as at school. Alone time will happen after his parent picks him up and takes him to his own home.

My bet is he is repeating something heard at home between his parents to excuse his behavior.
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Mariposa 10:31 PM 07-05-2020
Maybe he needs to bring in noise cancelling headphones-of course that is between him and his parents but maybe just suggest it to him?
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Cat Herder 04:16 AM 07-06-2020
I would not play into this too much. Nobody benefits when we raise permanent victims. We are supposed to be teaching resilience in preparation for independent living. Learned helplessness will disable the next generation if allowed to continue.

Walk it off kid.
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Mariposa 07:21 AM 07-06-2020
I can see both sides. If the child was manipulating and whining don't give in. Or if you give him the respect and provide an offer and he abuses it then you can remove the privilege. But I think giving the child the respect of listening to the fact they want alone time is important. They don't choose daycare, parents do. We adults would like alone time-imagine we were denied. I get in a school setting, but daycare is more relaxed. But if there is no space, validating their need and explaining why accomodations dont work is not too hard.

Maybe alone time can mean noise cancelling headphones and reading a book facing away from others.

I always allowed my kiddos alone time, unles it was a group time, and helped other kids give them space but if they let one play with them they let everyone who wants to play-unless I find an acceptable reason for separating and that is my call.
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jenboo 08:02 AM 07-06-2020
Originally Posted by Mariposa:
I can see both sides. If the child was manipulating and whining don't give in. Or if you give him the respect and provide an offer and he abuses it then you can remove the privilege. But I think giving the child the respect of listening to the fact they want alone time is important. They don't choose daycare, parents do. We adults would like alone time-imagine we were denied. I get in a school setting, but daycare is more relaxed. But if there is no space, validating their need and explaining why accomodations dont work is not too hard.

Maybe alone time can mean noise cancelling headphones and reading a book facing away from others.

I always allowed my kiddos alone time, unles it was a group time, and helped other kids give them space but if they let one play with them they let everyone who wants to play-unless I find an acceptable reason for separating and that is my call.

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Cat Herder 08:19 AM 07-06-2020
"he wants to touch the fish tank, use my private bathroom which is attached to the family room, and climb on the back of my couch so I told him no more. However, now we're back to him claiming to be overwhelmed and needing space"

This is not a child who simply needs a quiet place to calm down or rest, though. This is a kid who wants what he wants when he wants it and will continue to manipulate to get it.

I use the library area or soft seating for reading, matching games or puzzles. That is where quiet time happens, not the "off-limits" family room.
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Unregistered 01:59 PM 07-06-2020
Thank you. I honestly agree with catherder that he's trying to manipulate me. B/c if he just wanted to be alone he would chill & not get into stuff when I have allowed it. But I also feel bad denying him space knowing how desperately I crave it at times. And I do offer quiet reading time every day & he fights me on it like crazy so...I guess I just needed to talk it out.
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Blackcat31 02:19 PM 07-06-2020
This is something he needs to discuss with his parents.

Itís THEIR job/responsibility to address his needs. If that means shortening his hours or days in care then do so.

Expecting a DAY care provider to provide for all the childís needs within the time the child is in care is unrealistic and unfair.
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Ariana 05:10 PM 07-06-2020
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
I would not play into this too much. Nobody benefits when we raise permanent victims. We are supposed to be teaching resilience in preparation for independent living. Learned helplessness will disable the next generation if allowed to continue.

Walk it off kid.
THIS! Somehow he is learning that he is a special snowflake that needs special privileges. I would be shutting that down really fast. Quiet time during daycare (GROUP CARE) happens at nap time and when that child gets home.
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Unregistered 08:15 AM 07-08-2020
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Thank you. I honestly agree with catherder that he's trying to manipulate me. B/c if he just wanted to be alone he would chill & not get into stuff when I have allowed it. But I also feel bad denying him space knowing how desperately I crave it at times. And I do offer quiet reading time every day & he fights me on it like crazy so...I guess I just needed to talk it out.
Just reinforce.

When he goes back to school, don't do this again. I don't know about your state, but in my state I would get in trouble. This is considered unsupervised and my home (nondaycare) bathrooms have locks. Being alone in an adult bathroom he can easily get hurt, break something, or lock himself in.
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Tags:coping skills, group care, independent, learned helplessness, life skills, resilience, school age daycare kids, school aged kids
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