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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I'm Really Angry At This Dad....
youretooloud 12:58 PM 03-27-2013
I have one child who occasionally gets picked up at 12:30. Her Dad is the boss of two other dads in my daycare. They have a small team of six men, and three of them bring their kids here.

If he has an afternoon meeting, he'll pick his child up on his lunch hour so he doesn't have to worry about leaving his meeting.

Today, he got here and the kids were having a group meltdown. They were tired and hot and soooo ready for a nap.

When he got out to his car, he called the other two dads to say they were both crying. So, while he was still outside getting in his car, I put kids in pack n plays, and got a mat out for the older kid.

He walked back inside to tell me he was concerned for the two kids that were crying... they were literally asleep within minutes of him walking out the door.. in the time it took him to make two phone calls, unbuckle his child and come back in, they were already asleep.

Then, I got a call from one other dad to ask if everything was O.K. I said "Yes, the dad was later than normal, and I kept them all up too late waiting for him, and they were very sleepy". (I purposely blamed him, even though it wasn't entirely true)

The other dad has known me for five years, so he probably just rolled his eyes. But, these other two dads are newer dads, so they are "all worried" now.

For crying out loud...it was nap time.
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LaLa1923 01:03 PM 03-27-2013
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
I have one child who occasionally gets picked up at 12:30. Her Dad is the boss of two other dads in my daycare. They have a small team of six men, and three of them bring their kids here.

If he has an afternoon meeting, he'll pick his child up on his lunch hour so he doesn't have to worry about leaving his meeting.

Today, he got here and the kids were having a group meltdown. They were tired and hot and soooo ready for a nap.

When he got out to his car, he called the other two dads to say they were both crying. So, while he was still outside getting in his car, I put kids in pack n plays, and got a mat out for the older kid.

He walked back inside to tell me he was concerned for the two kids that were crying... they were literally asleep within minutes of him walking out the door.. in the time it took him to make two phone calls, unbuckle his child and come back in, they were already asleep.

Then, I got a call from one other dad to ask if everything was O.K. I said "Yes, the dad was later than normal, and I kept them all up too late waiting for him, and they were very sleepy". (I purposely blamed him, even though it wasn't entirely true)

The other dad has known me for five years, so he probably just rolled his eyes. But, these other two dads are newer dads, so they are "all worried" now.

For crying out loud...it was nap time.

That wasn't very nice of him. This is why I have in my contract no pickups between 12-2:30.
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Country Kids 01:07 PM 03-27-2013
Not good but I in a way can understand. If he walked in and all three of them are crying at once it might raise a red flag to a parent.

Why he went and called the other dads is a little odd. I would from now on just go about my day and keep on routine. If he's a little late then he will pick up a sleepy child but the others will be on their routine.
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youretooloud 01:15 PM 03-27-2013
We were just coming inside to put beds out when he got there. They were tired, hot and upset about coming inside..then they also wanted to have their bed "first". It's all about being first this year.

He needs to come earlier and he'll see them happy.
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CedarCreek 01:22 PM 03-27-2013
I would say something like that to him.

"Hey dcd, you came and picked up your child at nap time when all of the children are tired and irritable (especially when a parent comes and disrupts their routine) It would be best if you either picked up at the end of naptime or didn't reach out to the other parents and upset them over a non issue."

That would piss me off.
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Blackcat31 01:34 PM 03-27-2013
Seriously? Who does that?

I'd be royally po'ed at a parent that called another parent with the intention of somehow saying you weren't caring for their children.....especially since he never even asked you for any details of whether that was or wasn't normal behavior for the kids.

Also, as a parent why would a group of crying children be a red flag? I could see if they were always crying but crying DOES happen in daycare so I would not think it would be anything for a parent to be overly concerned about.

I hope you plan on having a talk with dad about this. I would personally be offended.
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bunnyslippers 01:38 PM 03-27-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Seriously? Who does that?

I'd be royally po'ed at a parent that called another parent with the intention of somehow saying you weren't caring for their children.....especially since he never even asked you for any details of whether that was or wasn't normal behavior for the kids.

Also, as a parent why would a group of crying children be a red flag? I could see if they were always crying but crying DOES happen in daycare so I would not think it would be anything for a parent to be overly concerned about.

I hope you plan on having a talk with dad about this. I would personally be offended.
Yup!
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Country Kids 01:43 PM 03-27-2013
BC-It sounds like this is out of the norm for them to do. If I walked in and the entire group was having a meltdown (which it sounds like) I would definetly wonder what was going on.

I could see maybe one or two but I would question the whole group having one. Especially if you are a parent walking in and everyone is crying-

We know kids have meltdowns and parents usually deal with one at a time-not a group. Maybe he was a little overwhelmed with it.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 01:50 PM 03-27-2013
When I've experienced mass hysteria in the past and a parent comes in I always say something to the kids like, "I know you are tired and hot and didn't want to come inside. We will all be able to take a nice nap soon!"

Maybe it's because I have quite a few helicopter/bubble parents that I do this ... but, it at least prevents the parent from wondering.
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bunnyslippers 01:59 PM 03-27-2013
I had a similar situation today. A mom and dad picked up in the middle of the day, right after lunch, before nap. Crazy time in my house! I just explained to both of them "This is our typical right after lunch craziness. In a few minutes, they will all be sleeping peacefully."

If those parents then left and called OTHER parents, I would be livid! If they had a question or concern, I would expect it be addressed to me, not to other parents in my program. I just find it inappropriate, and a violation of confidentiality.
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CedarCreek 02:01 PM 03-27-2013
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
BC-It sounds like this is out of the norm for them to do. If I walked in and the entire group was having a meltdown (which it sounds like) I would definetly wonder what was going on.

I could see maybe one or two but I would question the whole group having one. Especially if you are a parent walking in and everyone is crying-

We know kids have meltdowns and parents usually deal with one at a time-not a group. Maybe he was a little overwhelmed with it.
Questioning it and calling other parents to alarm them are two completely different things.

Dad could have just said "wow, what's going on with these guys?" And he would have gotten a perfectly good explanation.

But he didn't.
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Blackcat31 02:32 PM 03-27-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
When I've experienced mass hysteria in the past and a parent comes in I always say something to the kids like, "I know you are tired and hot and didn't want to come inside. We will all be able to take a nice nap soon!"

Maybe it's because I have quite a few helicopter/bubble parents that I do this ... but, it at least prevents the parent from wondering.
That's usually the only kind of crying I have going on.

Monkey see -monkey do.

Works with positive and negative behaviors.

One kid eats and they all do.

One kid cries and they all do.

Group crying IS normal.

Just so long as it isn't an every day, all day occurrence.
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MyAngels 03:18 PM 03-27-2013
That is one of the negatives of having a good referral business I suppose. I would be having a talk with "tattle tell dad" and his wife to address this issue. If he was concerned he should have addressed the issue with you first, and if he was not satisfied with that conversation then he should consider alerting the other parents to whatever concerns he has.
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nannyde 03:23 PM 03-27-2013
No parents in the playroom!

This wouldn't happen here because I don't give access to the other day care kids. This situation is a perfect example of why I don't.
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CedarCreek 03:29 PM 03-27-2013
Nannyde, how would you keep them from hearing the other children cry though in this situation? Even if they were in the foyer and not the playroom, he would still hear it. Except if the playroom is far away. In which case then the children would be left unattended while you take the child to Dcd, load them up and send them out the door. Do you have an assistant for that?

Come to think of it, how does everyone who has far away playrooms do that without an assistant? Do they all come with you? Do you let the parents walk in and come to the playroom?

Eta: my playroom is right off the front door/my living room. Anyone that comes in sees and hears everything!
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EntropyControlSpecialist 03:33 PM 03-27-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
No parents in the playroom!

This wouldn't happen here because I don't give access to the other day care kids. This situation is a perfect example of why I don't.
My clients don't come in the playroom at pick up but they would definitely see/hear the other children. You can see parts of each of the 3 rooms past the entryway and you can definitely hear everything in all of them since there are no doors. It is an open floor plan.
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nannyde 03:38 PM 03-27-2013
Originally Posted by CedarCreek:
Nannyde, how would you keep them from hearing the other children cry though in this situation? Even if they were in the foyer and not the playroom, he would still hear it. Except if the playroom is far away. In which case then the children would be left unattended while you take the child to Dcd, load them up and send them out the door. Do you have an assistant for that?

Come to think of it, how does everyone who has far away playrooms do that without an assistant? Do they all come with you? Do you let the parents walk in and come to the playroom?

Eta: my playroom is right off the front door/my living room. Anyone that comes in sees and hears everything!


I would confine all the kids and then dress the kid and deliver to the door. My sleep area is in the basement. Parents come in and out the front door.

Once the child departed I would get everyone back up and go on with whatever we were doing. I would not leave them unattended and up.
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youretooloud 04:00 PM 03-27-2013
There is no place to confine the kids, other than the back patio. The house is one long letter H... the right half is public, the left half is private, there's nowhere to hide the crying from anybody. Even if the front door was open, you can hear the crying from across the street.

Anyway.. I WILL talk to the parents.. all three dads in fact. I think i'll even tell the early pickup dad that he needs to come right at noon so I can get the poor little angels down for their nap.

I'm totally going to blame his tardiness for their crabbiness. (even though it was mostly because I made them come inside)
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crazydaycarelady 04:11 PM 03-27-2013
I don't think most of us have the right set up do disallow parents into the room. As a parent that would be a red flag for me. My dcparents like to see what is going on and get to know the children that their own children are spending 40 hours a week with.
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nannyde 04:44 PM 03-27-2013
Originally Posted by crazydaycarelady:
I don't think most of us have the right set up do disallow parents into the room. As a parent that would be a red flag for me. My dcparents like to see what is going on and get to know the children that their own children are spending 40 hours a week with.
I've heard of that opinion but I also know that this sort of reaction the Dad had is indicative that they can seriously misconstrue what they see and SUBSTANTIALLY alter your income. To me it's too risky.

My son is in a school with hundreds of kids and I know about five of them. I didn't know any he went to preschool with.

The relationship here is with me.
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CedarCreek 05:14 PM 03-27-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I would confine all the kids and then dress the kid and deliver to the door. My sleep area is in the basement. Parents come in and out the front door.

Once the child departed I would get everyone back up and go on with whatever we were doing. I would not leave them unattended and up.
gotcha
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Jewels 06:48 PM 03-27-2013
I always explain crying when a president walks in, just this morning my own daughter was throwing a fit and I was sending her to her room as one of my families was coming in, and I just said "sorry someones not getting her way this morning" if this would have happened to me right away I would have said "sorry theres some tired little ones that were not happy to come in from outside" that way no one ever questions.
I remember when I was working outside the home, one of the other girls I worked with told me when she dropped her son off she could hear her friends baby(they went to the same daycare) screaming in another room(crib) and the provider I think said something about baby not being happy, but the minute she left she called her friend and told her the provider was letting her baby scream and she should go get him, and her friend did go get that baby.
That sucks though, kids cry, I would hate to feel like someone thought I want caring and thencalled parents.
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Lucy 07:01 PM 03-27-2013
Originally Posted by Jewels:
I always explain crying when a president walks in
I love auto-correct!
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Lucy 07:03 PM 03-27-2013
Originally Posted by Jewels:
I always explain crying when a president walks in, just this morning my own daughter was throwing a fit and I was sending her to her room as one of my families was coming in, and I just said "sorry someones not getting her way this morning" if this would have happened to me right away I would have said "sorry theres some tired little ones that were not happy to come in from outside" that way no one ever questions.
I remember when I was working outside the home, one of the other girls I worked with told me when she dropped her son off she could hear her friends baby(they went to the same daycare) screaming in another room(crib) and the provider I think said something about baby not being happy, but the minute she left she called her friend and told her the provider was letting her baby scream and she should go get him, and her friend did go get that baby.
That sucks though, kids cry, I would hate to feel like someone thought I want caring and thencalled parents.
I do the same thing. I don't want people assuming the wrong thing, so I explain. Probably over-explain. Sometimes their reaction is as if they are saying, "I didn't say anything! I don't care!"
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Jewels 07:40 PM 03-27-2013
Originally Posted by Lucy:
I love auto-correct!
Uh what auto correct? The president comes into my house daily.
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Lucy 07:56 PM 03-27-2013
Originally Posted by Jewels:
Uh what auto correct? The president comes into my house daily.

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dave4him 12:55 AM 03-28-2013
Wish i could get all my kids to sleep at the same time.... i have to put them in the car and drive around a while if i want to attempt that, and even then one of them will always be stubborn
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My3cents 04:19 AM 03-28-2013
Originally Posted by dave4him:
Wish i could get all my kids to sleep at the same time.... i have to put them in the car and drive around a while if i want to attempt that, and even then one of them will always be stubborn
huh?


I am open room and I get everyone to sleep including a baby every day- Routine- Consistency
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jenn 07:09 AM 03-28-2013
My play area is not visible from the front door, so I'm not sure what I would do in that case. When I leave the playroom to answer the door, I make sure my little ones are confined (play yard, pack and play, whatever as long as they are safe) and the older ones just keep playing. I can hear them from the door, so I know if anything is wrong. I do VERY short good byes and hand offs. If they need a coat, it is put on before I answer the door. I have them ready to hand off when I open the door. The parents rarely even come in at pick up time. I think the dad questioning why everyone was crying was responable (I would have responded by saying "We were waiting for you to arrive and everyone is overly tired of waiting"), but calling the other parents crosses a line. I would let the father know that due to causing such a disruption, that there will no longer be pick ups from 12:00-2:00 or whenever your nap time is. If he is running late, he will need to wait until nap is over.
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dave4him 09:55 AM 03-28-2013
LOL. Well its not as easy... maybe im just spoiling them too much. Two of them are mine anyway and the third is my niece. When the one year old comes she cries if i put her in the pack and play, so it gets interesting. I would love some tips
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