Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Hard Time Explaining The Difference To DCB
temom 07:12 AM 05-16-2012
DCB and my son are best friends, same school, same class since jk and he has been coming to my DC since last year. the back ground is that the dcm is 6 months preggo n because of health issues is on complete bed rest DCD works insane hours, they are the most amazing and understanding DCP i have ever had. so i volunteered to pick up her kids from home and then drop them off in the evening. I love both the kids very much. the older one now is getting way too attached, Whatever i do for my kids,he is expecting i do it for him as well. for eg. Today i dropped off DH to the station and then bought my son a breakfast sandwich he has been asking for a while. we ate most of it before we picked up the DCB, he was very offended that i didn't bring one for him. I try and do the same stuff for the DCK that i do for my own but i am not ashamed to admit i tend to do a bit more for my own. How do i explain this to the DCB. am i wrong to be doing this?
Thanking you all in advance for your advice and opinions.
Thanking you all in advance for your advice and opinions.
DaisyMamma 07:21 AM 05-16-2012
That is tough. I run into similar situations too, but in this particular case it sounds like your son was eating in front of the DCB, that isn't really fair. He should've finished first.
As for advice, I'm afraid I have none. I explain to DCK's until I'm blue in the face that when my DD goes across the street to visit her friend that they can't go. They say it's not fair, I say, #1 you can't go without me and #2 you don't bring DD on your playdates to your friend's houses. They just don't get it, they still say it isn't fair.
As for advice, I'm afraid I have none. I explain to DCK's until I'm blue in the face that when my DD goes across the street to visit her friend that they can't go. They say it's not fair, I say, #1 you can't go without me and #2 you don't bring DD on your playdates to your friend's houses. They just don't get it, they still say it isn't fair.
temom 07:37 AM 05-16-2012
[quote=DaisyMamma;229745]That is tough. I run into similar situations too, but in this particular case it sounds like your son was eating in front of the DCB, that isn't really fair. He should've finished first.
As for advice, I'm afraid I have none. I explain to DCK's until I'm blue in the face that when my DD goes across the street to visit her friend that they can't go. They say it's not fair, I say, #1 you can't go without me and #2 you don't bring DD on your playdates to your friend's houses. They just don't get it, they still say it isn't fair.[/QUOT
My son saved some of his sandwich for later, he knew because he saw the wrapper. And i have tried explaining to them that when their mum buys them the same thing in the morning she doesn't get it for my kids as well, but then he make that sad puppy dog face and that breaks my heart.
As for advice, I'm afraid I have none. I explain to DCK's until I'm blue in the face that when my DD goes across the street to visit her friend that they can't go. They say it's not fair, I say, #1 you can't go without me and #2 you don't bring DD on your playdates to your friend's houses. They just don't get it, they still say it isn't fair.[/QUOT
My son saved some of his sandwich for later, he knew because he saw the wrapper. And i have tried explaining to them that when their mum buys them the same thing in the morning she doesn't get it for my kids as well, but then he make that sad puppy dog face and that breaks my heart.
AfterSchoolMom 09:10 AM 05-16-2012
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma:
That is tough. I run into similar situations too, but in this particular case it sounds like your son was eating in front of the DCB, that isn't really fair. He should've finished first.
I disagree, but that's because I'm in the group that believes that our own children didn't ask to be part of the DC and so shouldn't be treated as DCK's. IMO it's completely "fair", because he's your own child.That is tough. I run into similar situations too, but in this particular case it sounds like your son was eating in front of the DCB, that isn't really fair. He should've finished first.
cheerfuldom 09:14 AM 05-16-2012
Originally Posted by AfterSchoolMom:
I disagree, but that's because I'm in the group that believes that our own children didn't ask to be part of the DC and so shouldn't be treated as DCK's. IMO it's completely "fair", because he's your own child.
Agreed. I let my kids eat in front of the daycare kids if need be. And sometimes the daycare kids get time or activities that my kids dont get. Life isnt always fair. I would have no problem telling this DCB in a nice way that he doesnt get everything my son gets because he is our friend and not my son. I would repeat the same thing every time he asks. He is not suffering by not getting a breakfast sandwich and if he complains and his mom is bothered by the scenario, she can drive her own kids to schoolI disagree, but that's because I'm in the group that believes that our own children didn't ask to be part of the DC and so shouldn't be treated as DCK's. IMO it's completely "fair", because he's your own child.
Blackcat31 09:20 AM 05-16-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
Agreed. I let my kids eat in front of the daycare kids if need be. And sometimes the daycare kids get time or activities that my kids dont get. Life isnt always fair. I would have no problem telling this DCB in a nice way that he doesnt get everything my son gets because he is our friend and not my son. I would repeat the same thing every time he asks. He is not suffering by not getting a breakfast sandwich and if he complains and his mom is bothered by the scenario, she can drive her own kids to school
I agree that the more important lesson here is that life is NOT fair and to teach a child it is or feel badly enough to try and make it fair is doing a terrible injustice to the child. Children (especially now days) NEED to learn how to deal with situations they deem unfair. They need to learn that life is full of disappointments and other people who get to say, do and think things that they don't get to.Agreed. I let my kids eat in front of the daycare kids if need be. And sometimes the daycare kids get time or activities that my kids dont get. Life isnt always fair. I would have no problem telling this DCB in a nice way that he doesnt get everything my son gets because he is our friend and not my son. I would repeat the same thing every time he asks. He is not suffering by not getting a breakfast sandwich and if he complains and his mom is bothered by the scenario, she can drive her own kids to school
Coping skills are a loooong forgotten trait and IMPO, needs to be one of the first thing a child learns.....right up there with self-help skills and manners.
AfterSchoolMom 09:28 AM 05-16-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I agree that the more important lesson here is that life is NOT fair and to teach a child it is or feel badly enough to try and make it fair is doing a terrible injustice to the child. Children (especially now days) NEED to learn how to deal with situations they deem unfair. They need to learn that life is full of disappointments and other people who get to say, do and think things that they don't get to.
Coping skills are a loooong forgotten trait and IMPO, needs to be one of the first thing a child learns.....right up there with self-help skills and manners.
I completely agree. I agree that the more important lesson here is that life is NOT fair and to teach a child it is or feel badly enough to try and make it fair is doing a terrible injustice to the child. Children (especially now days) NEED to learn how to deal with situations they deem unfair. They need to learn that life is full of disappointments and other people who get to say, do and think things that they don't get to.
Coping skills are a loooong forgotten trait and IMPO, needs to be one of the first thing a child learns.....right up there with self-help skills and manners.
temom 09:36 AM 05-16-2012
I totally agree with the two of you, my son is 5 and he has a chore list to do when he gets home, so does my 3 yrs old, they whine and complain because at the time DCK are doing crafts and activties. My kids have a rotuine that they need to follow and i make them, I do crafts and activities with my kids once the DCK leave so i can pay one on one attention to my kids progress.
I never want my kids to be bubble wrapped kids and manners to me is a very important part of their up bringing. Thank you all for your guidance.
I never want my kids to be bubble wrapped kids and manners to me is a very important part of their up bringing. Thank you all for your guidance.
DaisyMamma 10:05 AM 05-16-2012
[quote=temom;229755]
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma:
That is tough. I run into similar situations too, but in this particular case it sounds like your son was eating in front of the DCB, that isn't really fair. He should've finished first.
As for advice, I'm afraid I have none. I explain to DCK's until I'm blue in the face that when my DD goes across the street to visit her friend that they can't go. They say it's not fair, I say, #1 you can't go without me and #2 you don't bring DD on your playdates to your friend's houses. They just don't get it, they still say it isn't fair.[/QUOT
My son saved some of his sandwich for later, he knew because he saw the wrapper. And i have tried explaining to them that when their mum buys them the same thing in the morning she doesn't get it for my kids as well, but then he make that sad puppy dog face and that breaks my heart.
That makes sense!That is tough. I run into similar situations too, but in this particular case it sounds like your son was eating in front of the DCB, that isn't really fair. He should've finished first.
As for advice, I'm afraid I have none. I explain to DCK's until I'm blue in the face that when my DD goes across the street to visit her friend that they can't go. They say it's not fair, I say, #1 you can't go without me and #2 you don't bring DD on your playdates to your friend's houses. They just don't get it, they still say it isn't fair.[/QUOT
My son saved some of his sandwich for later, he knew because he saw the wrapper. And i have tried explaining to them that when their mum buys them the same thing in the morning she doesn't get it for my kids as well, but then he make that sad puppy dog face and that breaks my heart.
sharlan 11:50 AM 05-16-2012
I understand, I went through that with my kids, too.
I would politely say, "Johnny, I'm sorry, but this is Jimmy's breakfast. You ate your breakfast at your home. Jimmy didn't have time so he had to eat his in the car."
I would politely say, "Johnny, I'm sorry, but this is Jimmy's breakfast. You ate your breakfast at your home. Jimmy didn't have time so he had to eat his in the car."
jojosmommy 12:25 PM 05-16-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I agree that the more important lesson here is that life is NOT fair and to teach a child it is or feel badly enough to try and make it fair is doing a terrible injustice to the child. Children (especially now days) NEED to learn how to deal with situations they deem unfair. They need to learn that life is full of disappointments and other people who get to say, do and think things that they don't get to.
Coping skills are a loooong forgotten trait and IMPO, needs to be one of the first thing a child learns.....right up there with self-help skills and manners.
AGREED! Life isn't fair. If this kid brought a pop and candy with to school would you stop on the way to pick one up for your kid?I agree that the more important lesson here is that life is NOT fair and to teach a child it is or feel badly enough to try and make it fair is doing a terrible injustice to the child. Children (especially now days) NEED to learn how to deal with situations they deem unfair. They need to learn that life is full of disappointments and other people who get to say, do and think things that they don't get to.
Coping skills are a loooong forgotten trait and IMPO, needs to be one of the first thing a child learns.....right up there with self-help skills and manners.
Nellie 01:52 PM 05-16-2012
To start off with I'm not in the most pleasent mood. So take this with a grain of salt. I've always felt like my kids shouldn't be treated any different than daycare kids. I have a small group. Most of the time my children let the DC kids in there room. Sometimes the 2 year old needs time to himself and I'll have him spend time in my or his room with the door shut. They share every toy with these kids(there own choice). But sometimes DC children sneak a toy in and if someone else touches it(THAT"S MINE!!) THats MY MOM or THATS MY DAD at pick up. If we are playing outside DON"T GO BY MY CAR. I have a little boy who loves to try on my older kids sandles and boots, but if someone touches his shoes. Holy hell. These kids feel like every thing should be FAIR for them, but it never works both ways.
AmyLeigh 02:16 PM 05-16-2012
Originally Posted by Nellie:
I have a little boy who loves to try on my older kids sandles and boots, but if someone touches his shoes. Holy hell. These kids feel like every thing should be FAIR for them, but it never works both ways.
Yup. It's not fair when they miss out, but it's cool when they get something someone else doesn't. I've got a couple of those. One cries because my mom takes my kids out on Wednesdays when he isn't even here. Really? Not fair? Ask your grandma to take you out on Wednesday afternoons. Then it would be fair. I have a little boy who loves to try on my older kids sandles and boots, but if someone touches his shoes. Holy hell. These kids feel like every thing should be FAIR for them, but it never works both ways.
Children need to learn that fair doesn't always mean equal.
MissK 02:30 PM 05-16-2012
Originally Posted by AmyLeigh:
Children need to learn that fair doesn't always mean equal.
Children need to learn that fair doesn't always mean equal.
exactly!!
daycare 02:44 PM 05-16-2012
my son has to take meds every day.... he won't take them straight so I do little tricks to get him to eat them...maybe one day its a cookie and the next it in a fruit smoothie. the DCK don't get these things. I tell the kids, if you want a cookie, you will have to ask your mommy when you get home.
I don't serve treats like cookies, candy, sweets here....I do allow for my son to have them from time to time or on a holiday we get them.
I tell the DCK once, you can do whatever you want at your home and you can ask your mommy or daddy and if they tell you yes, then you can have one at your house. None of the kids ever question it..
I agree, fair does not mean equal. and I do think that kids need to learn to not always expect things just because somoene else has one....
I don't serve treats like cookies, candy, sweets here....I do allow for my son to have them from time to time or on a holiday we get them.
I tell the DCK once, you can do whatever you want at your home and you can ask your mommy or daddy and if they tell you yes, then you can have one at your house. None of the kids ever question it..
I agree, fair does not mean equal. and I do think that kids need to learn to not always expect things just because somoene else has one....
DaisyMamma 09:11 AM 05-17-2012
Originally Posted by Nellie:
To start off with I'm not in the most pleasent mood. So take this with a grain of salt. I've always felt like my kids shouldn't be treated any different than daycare kids. I have a small group. Most of the time my children let the DC kids in there room. Sometimes the 2 year old needs time to himself and I'll have him spend time in my or his room with the door shut. They share every toy with these kids(there own choice). But sometimes DC children sneak a toy in and if someone else touches it(THAT"S MINE!!) THats MY MOM or THATS MY DAD at pick up. If we are playing outside DON"T GO BY MY CAR. I have a little boy who loves to try on my older kids sandles and boots, but if someone touches his shoes. Holy hell. These kids feel like every thing should be FAIR for them, but it never works both ways.
I run things very similar to you. I have only 7 kids or less at a time, 1-2 are mine. All the toys here are technically theirs, being that they are 3 and 6 years old. Anything special they don't want to share goes in their room. This rarely ever occurs. They can go in their rooms alone, or invite ALL the kids in. Special food treats and snacks are saved for after hours, because I do not allow outside food, everyone gets the same things. During daycare hours my children are allowed to go to friends houses, go to grandmas, etc. And I will even do the transportation. My children didn't ask to be in daycare, no, but neither did any of the other kids who are here. My kids do get some special treatment, but not with food. I would have allowed my child the breakfast sandwich, since the DCK wasn't in the car yet.To start off with I'm not in the most pleasent mood. So take this with a grain of salt. I've always felt like my kids shouldn't be treated any different than daycare kids. I have a small group. Most of the time my children let the DC kids in there room. Sometimes the 2 year old needs time to himself and I'll have him spend time in my or his room with the door shut. They share every toy with these kids(there own choice). But sometimes DC children sneak a toy in and if someone else touches it(THAT"S MINE!!) THats MY MOM or THATS MY DAD at pick up. If we are playing outside DON"T GO BY MY CAR. I have a little boy who loves to try on my older kids sandles and boots, but if someone touches his shoes. Holy hell. These kids feel like every thing should be FAIR for them, but it never works both ways.
karen 10:59 AM 05-18-2012
I will be the bad guy with this one!!!!
First center I worked at the owner/director had her children enrolled. Well she used to give her children special treatment all the time. In front of all the day care kids. I remember one time in particular.... ice cream cones were brought in for her children. None for the day care kids. Her children sat and ate ice cream in front of every one! you can guess how upset I was. This was done on a regular basis..... I even said something about how unfair it was to the rest of the children that they didn't have ice cream. Well it was said to me that I needed to be more understanding because their mommy works here and they can't always have her. Of course my response was well these kids go all day without seeing their mommy when they fall their mommy isn't there to kiss away the tears or when they are upset their mommy isn't here to help thru the problem.
The next day I went out and bought all 26 kids cookies to have as a special treat. As a parent if I walked in on someones kids eating a special treat in front of my child I would be very upset. I just wonder if the tables were turned and you had your child in a day care and you walked in and all you heard about was how Johnny was eating ice cream and your child didn't get any how that would make you feel.
Sorry this is such a sore subject with me because I saw what it did to the other children....the kids even questioned me about it...."Why does Johnny have ice cream and we don't?" I feel everyone should be treated as equal as possible and after kids leave is plenty of time to do serious I LOVE YOU TIME with your kids. Now don't boo and hiss at me to much!
First center I worked at the owner/director had her children enrolled. Well she used to give her children special treatment all the time. In front of all the day care kids. I remember one time in particular.... ice cream cones were brought in for her children. None for the day care kids. Her children sat and ate ice cream in front of every one! you can guess how upset I was. This was done on a regular basis..... I even said something about how unfair it was to the rest of the children that they didn't have ice cream. Well it was said to me that I needed to be more understanding because their mommy works here and they can't always have her. Of course my response was well these kids go all day without seeing their mommy when they fall their mommy isn't there to kiss away the tears or when they are upset their mommy isn't here to help thru the problem.
The next day I went out and bought all 26 kids cookies to have as a special treat. As a parent if I walked in on someones kids eating a special treat in front of my child I would be very upset. I just wonder if the tables were turned and you had your child in a day care and you walked in and all you heard about was how Johnny was eating ice cream and your child didn't get any how that would make you feel.
Sorry this is such a sore subject with me because I saw what it did to the other children....the kids even questioned me about it...."Why does Johnny have ice cream and we don't?" I feel everyone should be treated as equal as possible and after kids leave is plenty of time to do serious I LOVE YOU TIME with your kids. Now don't boo and hiss at me to much!
Blackcat31 11:48 AM 05-18-2012
Originally Posted by karen:
I will be the bad guy with this one!!!!
First center I worked at the owner/director had her children enrolled. Well she used to give her children special treatment all the time. In front of all the day care kids. I remember one time in particular.... ice cream cones were brought in for her children. None for the day care kids. Her children sat and ate ice cream in front of every one! you can guess how upset I was. This was done on a regular basis..... I even said something about how unfair it was to the rest of the children that they didn't have ice cream. Well it was said to me that I needed to be more understanding because their mommy works here and they can't always have her. Of course my response was well these kids go all day without seeing their mommy when they fall their mommy isn't there to kiss away the tears or when they are upset their mommy isn't here to help thru the problem.
The next day I went out and bought all 26 kids cookies to have as a special treat. As a parent if I walked in on someones kids eating a special treat in front of my child I would be very upset. I just wonder if the tables were turned and you had your child in a day care and you walked in and all you heard about was how Johnny was eating ice cream and your child didn't get any how that would make you feel.
Sorry this is such a sore subject with me because I saw what it did to the other children....the kids even questioned me about it...."Why does Johnny have ice cream and we don't?" I feel everyone should be treated as equal as possible and after kids leave is plenty of time to do serious I LOVE YOU TIME with your kids. Now don't boo and hiss at me to much!
No Boos and Hisses here.....I would have done the same thing you did!! I will be the bad guy with this one!!!!
First center I worked at the owner/director had her children enrolled. Well she used to give her children special treatment all the time. In front of all the day care kids. I remember one time in particular.... ice cream cones were brought in for her children. None for the day care kids. Her children sat and ate ice cream in front of every one! you can guess how upset I was. This was done on a regular basis..... I even said something about how unfair it was to the rest of the children that they didn't have ice cream. Well it was said to me that I needed to be more understanding because their mommy works here and they can't always have her. Of course my response was well these kids go all day without seeing their mommy when they fall their mommy isn't there to kiss away the tears or when they are upset their mommy isn't here to help thru the problem.
The next day I went out and bought all 26 kids cookies to have as a special treat. As a parent if I walked in on someones kids eating a special treat in front of my child I would be very upset. I just wonder if the tables were turned and you had your child in a day care and you walked in and all you heard about was how Johnny was eating ice cream and your child didn't get any how that would make you feel.
Sorry this is such a sore subject with me because I saw what it did to the other children....the kids even questioned me about it...."Why does Johnny have ice cream and we don't?" I feel everyone should be treated as equal as possible and after kids leave is plenty of time to do serious I LOVE YOU TIME with your kids. Now don't boo and hiss at me to much!
The ice cream thing was way out of line in my opinion. I also think the OP's situation was much different as her child had the "food item" BEFORE the DCK was present so it wasn't like the OP let her child have something right in front of a DCK with the attitude the owner did in your scenario.
I raised my own children while doing child care and never in a million years would I have allowed them something like an ice cream cone or candy in front of the other kids. Mine knew they had to wait til Mommy was off work.
However, many times I had DCK's complain that my children got to go out for breakfast before coming to care and they didn't......that is more what I think OP is talking about.
Blatant disregard for DCK's over the supposed "right" of an owners child to have "special" while in the presence of other kids is simply mean in my opinion.
Meeko 12:43 PM 05-18-2012
Originally Posted by karen:
I will be the bad guy with this one!!!!
First center I worked at the owner/director had her children enrolled. Well she used to give her children special treatment all the time. In front of all the day care kids. I remember one time in particular.... ice cream cones were brought in for her children. None for the day care kids. Her children sat and ate ice cream in front of every one! you can guess how upset I was. This was done on a regular basis..... I even said something about how unfair it was to the rest of the children that they didn't have ice cream. Well it was said to me that I needed to be more understanding because their mommy works here and they can't always have her. Of course my response was well these kids go all day without seeing their mommy when they fall their mommy isn't there to kiss away the tears or when they are upset their mommy isn't here to help thru the problem.
The next day I went out and bought all 26 kids cookies to have as a special treat. As a parent if I walked in on someones kids eating a special treat in front of my child I would be very upset. I just wonder if the tables were turned and you had your child in a day care and you walked in and all you heard about was how Johnny was eating ice cream and your child didn't get any how that would make you feel.
Sorry this is such a sore subject with me because I saw what it did to the other children....the kids even questioned me about it...."Why does Johnny have ice cream and we don't?" I feel everyone should be treated as equal as possible and after kids leave is plenty of time to do serious I LOVE YOU TIME with your kids. Now don't boo and hiss at me to much!
Just plain spiteful on the part of the center owner!I will be the bad guy with this one!!!!
First center I worked at the owner/director had her children enrolled. Well she used to give her children special treatment all the time. In front of all the day care kids. I remember one time in particular.... ice cream cones were brought in for her children. None for the day care kids. Her children sat and ate ice cream in front of every one! you can guess how upset I was. This was done on a regular basis..... I even said something about how unfair it was to the rest of the children that they didn't have ice cream. Well it was said to me that I needed to be more understanding because their mommy works here and they can't always have her. Of course my response was well these kids go all day without seeing their mommy when they fall their mommy isn't there to kiss away the tears or when they are upset their mommy isn't here to help thru the problem.
The next day I went out and bought all 26 kids cookies to have as a special treat. As a parent if I walked in on someones kids eating a special treat in front of my child I would be very upset. I just wonder if the tables were turned and you had your child in a day care and you walked in and all you heard about was how Johnny was eating ice cream and your child didn't get any how that would make you feel.
Sorry this is such a sore subject with me because I saw what it did to the other children....the kids even questioned me about it...."Why does Johnny have ice cream and we don't?" I feel everyone should be treated as equal as possible and after kids leave is plenty of time to do serious I LOVE YOU TIME with your kids. Now don't boo and hiss at me to much!
But I think the situation is a little different to the problem the OP is having.
I never, ever gave my own kids special treats like ice-cream in front of the DCK's. But...there were many times when my husband would take my girls shopping or to the movies or out for ice-cream etc. during the day care day and a few kids would complain about it not being fair. It was perfectly fair. They did special things with THEIR parents and my daughters didn't have to be invited too!
It sounds like the boy has decided that he gets everything the same as the son. He has to learn that he is a welcome addition in the home, but he is not family and doesn't get family special. That's just life.
DaisyMamma 01:15 PM 05-18-2012
I agree with you.