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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Really BAD Kid...
Bookworm 04:24 PM 01-30-2013
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
I was thinking because there is no quality time being really spent with them. I have children that are picked up by 5:30 and if they are in bed by 7:00, it would only be a totaly of 1.5 hours with the parent and between getting dinner, eating, bathing, bed thats pretty rushed and not relaxing quality time.
This situation is very similar to a 2yr old in my center. He has many of the same issues. After seriously hurting another child, DCM was called in for a conference where she admitted that she rarely held him as a baby because all of her focus was on her special needs daughter. She also put him to bed around 7-7:30 so she could have a break from him. Mind you now DCB one of the first kids at daycare and one of the last at pickup.

When DCM realized that he just wanted some of her time and attention, she broke down because she didn't realize how her actions affected him. Once she began spending more time with him, his behavior gradually improved because all he wanted was to be with here.

If the OP talked to DCM about spending more time with him, would she be overstepping her boundaries with mom?
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daycare 04:48 PM 01-30-2013
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
This situation is very similar to a 2yr old in my center. He has many of the same issues. After seriously hurting another child, DCM was called in for a conference where she admitted that she rarely held him as a baby because all of her focus was on her special needs daughter. She also put him to bed around 7-7:30 so she could have a break from him. Mind you now DCB one of the first kids at daycare and one of the last at pickup.

When DCM realized that he just wanted some of her time and attention, she broke down because she didn't realize how her actions affected him. Once she began spending more time with him, his behavior gradually improved because all he wanted was to be with here.

If the OP talked to DCM about spending more time with him, would she be overstepping her boundaries with mom?
wow is this not the truth. I also have a dcf that the mom spends very little to sometimes no time with her kids during the week. She is a true career woman and often works until 11pm at night or travels out of the state/county.

When she is gone like this, her daughter really suffers and behavior goes out the window. I often ask mom, hey mom I know you were gone for the last several day and little susie has really missed you. I helped her make you a card and she really expressed to me how much you wants to spend some fun time with you. (DCG always says I want mommy to take me to Disneyland, even though she has never been). I don't do it to make mom feel bad, I do it to remind her that her daughter is affected by it and is really seeking out attention however she can get it.

I know we could all probably share similar stories. Makes me sad for both the parents and the child....
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Country Kids 05:04 PM 01-30-2013
So for the two previous posts-is this something we should report for being neglectful/abusive?

Basically they are spending no time with their children and pretty much just putting them into their room for the night but really not for the right reasons.
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Crystal 07:24 PM 01-30-2013
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
So for the two previous posts-is this something we should report for being neglectful/abusive?

Basically they are spending no time with their children and pretty much just putting them into their room for the night but really not for the right reasons.
No. It is sad, to say the least, but it is not abusive to quietly lay your child down to go to bed for the night.

However, when it crosses the line to PHYSICAL punishment of (barely) a toddler, then you are really treading thin ice. If a parent did it once, or say, even twice, (which I would NOT condone either) and realized a boundary had been crossed, I could almost (but not quite) understand. this Mom said ALL THE TIME and then, when THAT didn't work for his behavior, she went on to say that she SHUTS him in his room. She didn't say she goes through a nightime routine and ritual of putting her child to bed for the night. It did not sound "loving" in any way.

I hope the OP has been checking in and has been at least considering some of the advice given here.

THAT is my concern, FWIW.
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Bookworm 07:27 PM 01-30-2013
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
So for the two previous posts-is this something we should report for being neglectful/abusive?

Basically they are spending no time with their children and pretty much just putting them into their room for the night but really not for the right reasons.
I think shutting DCB in his room because she doesn't want to deal with him can be abuse. However, is it still considered neglect if all of the child's physical needs are met but the parent spends little to no time with their child?
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countrymom 07:35 PM 01-30-2013
I'm wondering if this is becoming the norm. I've heard so many stories and have seen first hand how some parents spend so little time with their kids. But I also find that they are the first ones to complain about how bad their children are, even thou they spend the least amount of time with them.
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Bookworm 07:43 PM 01-30-2013
There are too many parents who think children are accessories that can be put away when not needed. I think a lot of parents have children because society says they should whether they want them or not.

I hope you can understand what I'm saying. I had trouble wording it.
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Blackcat31 06:58 AM 01-31-2013
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
So for the two previous posts-is this something we should report for being neglectful/abusive?

Basically they are spending no time with their children and pretty much just putting them into their room for the night but really not for the right reasons.
Does or did your state ever offer any type of training about being a mandated reporter? It seems to me that after being in the business for as long as you have there should have been some sort of training or education about this. If not, then your state has really done a diservice to child care providers.

Here is a fantastic flyer/site about being a mandated reporter, what things you should report and how. (I attached the pdf file below)

It is definitely worth the read! If any providers don't have the information already, I really suggest printing it off and keeping it for future reference if you should ever need it.

Also, here is a web-site that CLEARLY explains how to identify abuse/neglect in case anyone is unsure: https://www.childwelfare.gov/can/ide...ng/neglect.cfm
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cheerfuldom 10:23 AM 01-31-2013
Originally Posted by countrymom:
I'm wondering if this is becoming the norm. I've heard so many stories and have seen first hand how some parents spend so little time with their kids. But I also find that they are the first ones to complain about how bad their children are, even thou they spend the least amount of time with them.
yes i think it is the norm. between school, sports, lessons, club, church, and so forth, many parents spend very little one on one time with their kids. if you have multiple kids, you are at activities every night of the week and most of the weekend or so it seems. parents really are overwhelmed by their own children when they have the full responsibility of caring for them. many kids are in daycare 40 to 50 hours a week starting from newborn age. I know some providers on this board take kids as young as two or four weeks old! I think a huge majority of issues we providers see with parents is because are just in survival mode with their kids, waiting till bedtime or daycare drop off time or whatever is "next". They just let the kid eat what and when they want, sleep where and when they want, and give into the tantrums because they are just trying to keep their child happy for a few hours. i know it is really sad. these are good parents who are doing their best but like the PP said, this is a fast modern generation who supposedly doesnt have time to wander thru a park, sit down for family meals or pick up their kid early from daycare.
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Tags:bad behavior, files, mandated reporter, terminate - biter, violent behaviour
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