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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Angry!
Meeko 07:04 AM 04-28-2011
I put up a notice on my door on Monday reminding parents of my "no food from home" policy. Some of the parents have been getting lax and bringing various items. At 6:15 this morning, dcg arrives. Her dad promptly pulls a granola bar from his pocket...hands it to his daughter, grins at me and heads off to his car.

I was so shocked I didn't react fast enough. I should have yelled after him and given it back. I just told her she couldn't have it and put it in her cubby and I will give it back to him tonight. AAAAHHHHH!!!!!! I wish I knew what he was thinking??? Do the rules not apply to him? Was he trying to challenge me? I am soooo angry right now! I would love to term him, but I love the mom to death (they are divorced) and she is in and out of the hospital with kidney problems and has told me numerous times that she hates the fact her ex has custody right now as she isn't able to care for her...but that she feels better because I have her daughter all day. I can't put the poor woman in a worse bind than she already is! Dad is going to get confronted tonight.......but I know I will fret over this all day. It seemed to be such an "in your face" gesture by him.
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SilverSabre25 07:09 AM 04-28-2011
That's horrible! I can't believe someone could be so inconsiderate!

Well, no, wait, yes I can believe it....but I'm sad that I can, iykwim.

Geez. He'd be getting one heck of an earful from me tonight.

"Gee, DCD, maybe you misread the notice, but it said NO food from home, NOT that food is ok. No means NO. Give it to her in the car. We have breakfast at 7; she'll survive until then."
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Cat Herder 07:13 AM 04-28-2011
Toss it in the trash.

Go on with your day.

Sorry it started that way.
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AfterSchoolMom 07:30 AM 04-28-2011
Here's what I would do:

At pickup time, say nothing. Give him his daughter, hand him the granola bar, grin, and shut the door in his face.
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MN Day Mom 07:30 AM 04-28-2011
Sad the disrespect this dad has for you. I personally wouldn't be giving him an earful... instead I would hand the bar back to him this evening, smile at him just as he did to you and then simply point to your reminder notice.

Try not to let it ruin your day.
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nannyde 07:34 AM 04-28-2011
Make a note on a full sheet of paper that says:

Reminder: "No food from home" in big bold letters. Adorn it with a red circle with a line going through it. The universal sign for NO.

Then SUPER uber scotch tape the granola bar on it. Wrap the granola bar in tape and then tape that to the paper so it's a chore to get it out. Have the granola bar on the downward mark in the circle.

Hand that to the child as they are walking out the door.
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MyAngels 07:41 AM 04-28-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Make a note on a full sheet of paper that says:

Reminder: "No food from home" in big bold letters. Adorn it with a red circle with a line going through it. The universal sign for NO.

Then SUPER uber scotch tape the granola bar on it. Wrap the granola bar in tape and then tape that to the paper so it's a chore to get it out. Have the granola bar on the downward mark in the circle.

Hand that to the child as they are walking out the door.

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SilverSabre25 07:44 AM 04-28-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Make a note on a full sheet of paper that says:

Reminder: "No food from home" in big bold letters. Adorn it with a red circle with a line going through it. The universal sign for NO.

Then SUPER uber scotch tape the granola bar on it. Wrap the granola bar in tape and then tape that to the paper so it's a chore to get it out. Have the granola bar on the downward mark in the circle.

Hand that to the child as they are walking out the door.
Not tape--SUPER GLUE!!!
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Meeko 08:06 AM 04-28-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Make a note on a full sheet of paper that says:

Reminder: "No food from home" in big bold letters. Adorn it with a red circle with a line going through it. The universal sign for NO.

Then SUPER uber scotch tape the granola bar on it. Wrap the granola bar in tape and then tape that to the paper so it's a chore to get it out. Have the granola bar on the downward mark in the circle.

Hand that to the child as they are walking out the door.
I love it Thanks Nannyde! You just made my day!! Depending on my mood...I may just do it!!!!! I am going to make sure I "snitch" to the mom too. She'll be so angry and give him a piece of her mind! *Evil laugh*
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nannyde 08:14 AM 04-28-2011
Originally Posted by Meeko60:
I love it Thanks Nannyde! You just made my day!! Depending on my mood...I may just do it!!!!! I am going to make sure I "snitch" to the mom too. She'll be so angry and give him a piece of her mind! *Evil laugh*
Two can play that game.
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laundrymom 09:24 AM 04-28-2011
I'd hand him a thanks for breakfast note. Tell him you appreciate him thinking of you since you know he wasn't trying to break your rules especially since a reminder was posted on the door for him to read, so you appreciate him bringing it for you. It really brightened your morning to be remembered.
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wdmmom 09:57 AM 04-28-2011
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I'd hand him a thanks for breakfast note. Tell him you appreciate him thinking of you since you know he wasn't trying to break your rules especially since a reminder was posted on the door for him to read, so you appreciate him bringing it for you. It really brightened your morning to be remembered.
I'd tell him that I'm not a fan of granola bars but McD's breakfast burrito would sure hit the spot tomorrow! LOL
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e.j. 11:51 AM 04-28-2011
I love Nannyde's idea! I would also consider placing a small trash can under or near the sign. If he tries the same thing again tomorrow, I'd just toss the snack into the trash right in front of him and tell him to have a good day as I closed the door on him.
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daycare 12:42 PM 04-28-2011
wow...........what is it with the zero ability to listen to the rules... just like the DCD that didnt bring diapers after 5 reminders..........

I would be not only taking Nannyde's Idea, I would be telling the DCD to his face that he needs to start following the rules or he is going to have to explain to his ill ex-wife why you no longer have DC...
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Sugar Magnolia 01:07 PM 04-28-2011
I am a firm believer in kindness. Nasty notes? Slamming doors in faces? Tape and super glue? Why not take the high road and personally tell him why you have this policy? (Btw, seems like a silly policy). As a business person, I would never be rude or nasty. Why would this dad want to have someone so mean and angry care for his child? I wouldn't. You get a lot further with sugar and honey than piss and vinegar. Finally, there are WAY more things in the daycare world to get angry about, liked bounced checks and no-notice-quitters. Why expend so much energy being angry about a granola bar?
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Meeko 02:48 PM 04-28-2011
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
I am a firm believer in kindness. Nasty notes? Slamming doors in faces? Tape and super glue? Why not take the high road and personally tell him why you have this policy? (Btw, seems like a silly policy). As a business person, I would never be rude or nasty. Why would this dad want to have someone so mean and angry care for his child? I wouldn't. You get a lot further with sugar and honey than piss and vinegar. Finally, there are WAY more things in the daycare world to get angry about, liked bounced checks and no-notice-quitters. Why expend so much energy being angry about a granola bar?
It's not the granola bar...it's the principle. I have a note on the door asking them to NOT bring food. Yet he grins at me with a "in your face" attitude and walks off. HE is the rude one not me. This is MY house. I am a business woman too. That does not mean I am willing to be walked all over.

Nor is it silly to ask for parents to abide by the rules. I am on the food program. The USDA requires all children to have the same food. I had a drop in inspection a short while ago and while she was here, a child arrived with a bag of cookies and the inspector was not a happy camper. I passed the inspection...but she explained that if I didn't follow all the rules of the program.....I could not BE on the program and gave me a verbal warning. If you are removed for any reason you can never be allowed back on. Now losing that money is about $1000 per month of my income. I am not about to lose that much money because some rude father thinks that the day care rules don't apply to him!

And you mentioned more important things like bounced checks etc. Exactly... if he thinks he can balk at one rule....why can't he balk at them all? I will lay the ground rules to my business and stick to them or I will be walked all over. I've done this for 25 years. I am well known in the area for running a good facility and if he doesn't like my rules...there are others ready and eager to take his place.

I am NOT his employee. And I will not let a man half my age be so disrespectful to me.

I am not a cruel and heartless woman! But I am one who demands respect.


By the way...the notice on the door does explain WHY I am enforcing the policy. He just chooses to be difficult and I will not stand for it and will tell him so. Sadly...many of the veteran providers on here will back me up about being "anal" about rules. If we aren't......we get taken advantage of. Years and years of dealing with parents who will try EVERYTHING to NOT follow rules will drive you crazy unless you set the rules in stone and grow a very strong and hard backbone.
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Meeko 03:17 PM 04-28-2011
To my day care kids and most of their parents... I am a big fluffy, easy going teddy bear.

To some of the parents I can be a grizzly bear. It's up to them.
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daycare 03:22 PM 04-28-2011
Originally Posted by Meeko60:
It's not the granola bar...it's the principle. I have a note on the door asking them to NOT bring food. Yet he grins at me with a "in your face" attitude and walks off. HE is the rude one not me. This is MY house. I am a business woman too. That does not mean I am willing to be walked all over.

Nor is it silly to ask for parents to abide by the rules. I am on the food program. The USDA requires all children to have the same food. I had a drop in inspection a short while ago and while she was here, a child arrived with a bag of cookies and the inspector was not a happy camper. I passed the inspection...but she explained that if I didn't follow all the rules of the program.....I could not BE on the program and gave me a verbal warning. If you are removed for any reason you can never be allowed back on. Now losing that money is about $1000 per month of my income. I am not about to lose that much money because some rude father thinks that the day care rules don't apply to him!

And you mentioned more important things like bounced checks etc. Exactly... if he thinks he can balk at one rule....why can't he balk at them all? I will lay the ground rules to my business and stick to them or I will be walked all over. I've done this for 25 years. I am well known in the area for running a good facility and if he doesn't like my rules...there are others ready and eager to take his place.

I am NOT his employee. And I will not let a man half my age be so disrespectful to me.

I am not a cruel and heartless woman! But I am one who demands respect.


By the way...the notice on the door does explain WHY I am enforcing the policy. He just chooses to be difficult and I will not stand for it and will tell him so. Sadly...many of the veteran providers on here will back me up about being "anal" about rules. If we aren't......we get taken advantage of. Years and years of dealing with parents who will try EVERYTHING to NOT follow rules will drive you crazy unless you set the rules in stone and grow a very strong and hard backbone.
you go girl................lol
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texascare 03:27 PM 04-28-2011
Originally Posted by Meeko60:
It's not the granola bar...it's the principle. I have a note on the door asking them to NOT bring food. Yet he grins at me with a "in your face" attitude and walks off. HE is the rude one not me. This is MY house. I am a business woman too. That does not mean I am willing to be walked all over.

Nor is it silly to ask for parents to abide by the rules. I am on the food program. The USDA requires all children to have the same food. I had a drop in inspection a short while ago and while she was here, a child arrived with a bag of cookies and the inspector was not a happy camper. I passed the inspection...but she explained that if I didn't follow all the rules of the program.....I could not BE on the program and gave me a verbal warning. If you are removed for any reason you can never be allowed back on. Now losing that money is about $1000 per month of my income. I am not about to lose that much money because some rude father thinks that the day care rules don't apply to him!

And you mentioned more important things like bounced checks etc. Exactly... if he thinks he can balk at one rule....why can't he balk at them all? I will lay the ground rules to my business and stick to them or I will be walked all over. I've done this for 25 years. I am well known in the area for running a good facility and if he doesn't like my rules...there are others ready and eager to take his place.

I am NOT his employee. And I will not let a man half my age be so disrespectful to me.

I am not a cruel and heartless woman! But I am one who demands respect.


By the way...the notice on the door does explain WHY I am enforcing the policy. He just chooses to be difficult and I will not stand for it and will tell him so. Sadly...many of the veteran providers on here will back me up about being "anal" about rules. If we aren't......we get taken advantage of. Years and years of dealing with parents who will try EVERYTHING to NOT follow rules will drive you crazy unless you set the rules in stone and grow a very strong and hard backbone.
I agree completly! It isn't a silly rule. I have the same rule as do most providers. Stick to your guns. Itreally irritates me though when parents are disrespectful to me. I am Professional to them and I expect the same in return!
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grandmom 03:32 PM 04-28-2011
Wait.

No one has talked about the child. When you hand it back to him, tell him it's a really hard thing to do to his child. To hand her something he knows she can't have at daycare. Put his guilt where it belongs - what he did to his child.
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Meeko 03:35 PM 04-28-2011
Originally Posted by grandmom:
Wait.

No one has talked about the child. When you hand it back to him, tell him it's a really hard thing to do to his child. To hand her something he knows she can't have at daycare. Put his guilt where it belongs - what he did to his child.
Actually she didn't give a hoot! I told her I was going to put it in her cubby and give it back to dad when he came to pick her up. She said "OK!" and skipped off!
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nannyde 04:10 PM 04-28-2011
Originally Posted by grandmom:
Wait.

No one has talked about the child. When you hand it back to him, tell him it's a really hard thing to do to his child. To hand her something he knows she can't have at daycare. Put his guilt where it belongs - what he did to his child.
It's not about the child. It's about the parent.

Parents want to get their kid to day care in the morning without having to listen to them fuss after they receive a NO.

It's ALL about the parent. If it were about the kid it would be about nutrition. This isn't about her having food. It's about him bargaining with her to give her a treat so she won't cry.

Most granola bars are FILLED with sugar and fatty oils. They are a treat just like a candy bar.
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Meeko 04:27 PM 04-28-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
It's not about the child. It's about the parent.

Parents want to get their kid to day care in the morning without having to listen to them fuss after they receive a NO.

It's ALL about the parent. If it were about the kid it would be about nutrition. This isn't about her having food. It's about him bargaining with her to give her a treat so she won't cry.

Most granola bars are FILLED with sugar and fatty oils. They are a treat just like a candy bar.
Exactly. She's a good girl for me...but she runs her father in circles. (She's 4) She'll come dressed in the most absurd outfits sometimes. He'll say "I dressed her, but she took those clothes off and refused to get in the car unless she wore these ones...." I am sure she refused to get in the car without the granola bar and it never dawned on him to simply be the father and say NO! Easier to let me deal with her here. But it's HIM I'll be dealing with! LOL!
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3kidzmama 05:17 PM 04-28-2011
As a future provider preparing to open, and planning to join the food program, I have a question.... If you were to simply remove the item from the child and place it in their cubby, would the food program check the cubbies if they were to show up? I'm just curious how in depth the food program people are when they come. Do they merely observe, or do they go through cubbies, cabinets, etc.?
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daycare 05:21 PM 04-28-2011
It all depends on the site monitor. Mine is really chill. She only wants to watch me prep the food and serve it. She is there to make sure that i am serving the right foods properly and the right amounts at the right times..

But you never know what they will do.

I heard that one time a lady from LIC came into a DC (not mine) and went through all of the cubbies and found a sucker in one of the boxes. She wrote the perovider up for a chocking hazard..........ugh

this is why we have rules and EVERYONE follows them
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Unregistered 05:30 PM 04-28-2011
Its not a stupid rule at all!! Many kids have allergies and some child bringing in food from home could put others at risk. Parents need to listen. There are reasons we have rules in our daycares and they are ALL for the safety of the children!
Definitely hand it back to dad at the end of the day, next time....well I like the garbage can under the sign idea.
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GretasLittleFriends 06:36 PM 04-28-2011
Not to mention...

DCK: "I want a granola bar."
Provider: "I don't have any granola bars."
DCK: "Billy has a granola bar, I want one too. How come you gave him one and won't give me one."
Provider: "Billy's dad gave him the granola bar."
DCK: "It's not fair, I want one too!!!!!!!"

Followed by a total melt down because you didn't have a granola bar for Johnny, Susie, Jimmy, Sally, and Ike.
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countrymom 06:41 PM 04-28-2011
you ladies are way too nice. I would have given the child chocolate, and let it melt in her hands just as dad was coming up the door, push her out the door with those yummy delicious hands so she can smear it all over him and the car, "oh, whats that no food in the car allowed" bahhahaha!!!
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MN Day Mom 06:52 PM 04-28-2011
Originally Posted by Meeko60:
If you are removed for any reason you can never be allowed back on. Now losing that money is about $1000 per month of my income. I am not about to lose that much money because some rude father thinks that the day care rules don't apply to him!
Back up... really you make $1000 per month on the food program?? Wow!

I agree it isn't a silly rule... the majority of providers have that rule. That said, the food program really wouldn't or at least shouldn't have an issue with it. If that became the child's breakfast or a snack you could just not document her for that meal.

I have that rule, however I do give exceptions when needed. I have one little guy whose parents decided not to participate in the food program as they wanted to provide all of their childs food.

So... has dad came to pick her up yet? What did you do? I do agree that you don't have to be nasty nasty... but yes, demand respect!!
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dEHmom 06:22 AM 04-29-2011
while i like a lot of the suggestions on here, especially the closing the door in his face after a big smile.

BUT i feel this may also create a war. As much as we all would like to do this stuff, it is a business, we want to be treated as such, as professionals.

Once again, I would LOVE to do all the suggestions on here, however, i think simply handing it back and not saying anything, would prove a point and he will know that he lost. or even just saying, no food from home as you hand it back would suffice.
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Meeko 07:52 AM 04-29-2011
Originally Posted by dEHmom:
while i like a lot of the suggestions on here, especially the closing the door in his face after a big smile.

BUT i feel this may also create a war. As much as we all would like to do this stuff, it is a business, we want to be treated as such, as professionals.

Once again, I would LOVE to do all the suggestions on here, however, i think simply handing it back and not saying anything, would prove a point and he will know that he lost. or even just saying, no food from home as you hand it back would suffice.
Yes...I just handed it back with a big smile and he got the message. To the lady who asked about the food program.....they don't go through cubbies etc. They do take a look around the kitchen, look in the fridge and take the temperature of it, check fire extinguisher, check paperwork etc. If they show up at meal time, they will inspect all aspects of the meal. They will also check your menus and make sure you have the next meal or snack ingredients on hand. You are allowed to have kids NOT on the program if the parents so wish...but their food must be kept completely separated from the day care food etc. I don't allow this because of all the problems it causes. (No kids wants to eat the nutritious meal I cook when little Johnny has a happy meal).......

Kids on the program must all be offered exactly the same foods. They are very strict on that. It just so happened that a child showed up with a baggie full of cookies right when she was here. I had been meaning to remind parents of the rules anyway...but the timing was bad! I can see the logic behind their rules. It is their mission to make sure kids have balanced, healthy meals. They also worry about the health aspects of kids sharing food from home. If Susie brings a bag of cookies and lets all the day care kids dip their hand in the baggie and get one....and Susie just picked her nose and has strep........well you get the picture. There is method in the madness!

I keep things simple....no food from home...everyone on the food program.
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Meeko 07:54 AM 04-29-2011
Originally Posted by dEHmom:
while i like a lot of the suggestions on here, especially the closing the door in his face after a big smile.

BUT i feel this may also create a war. As much as we all would like to do this stuff, it is a business, we want to be treated as such, as professionals.

Once again, I would LOVE to do all the suggestions on here, however, i think simply handing it back and not saying anything, would prove a point and he will know that he lost. or even just saying, no food from home as you hand it back would suffice.
What I love about this forum is that we can vent and say what we would LIKE to do...even if we don't so it! Makes us feel better!
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Meeko 08:00 AM 04-29-2011
Originally Posted by MN Day Mom:
Back up... really you make $1000 per month on the food program?? Wow!

I agree it isn't a silly rule... the majority of providers have that rule. That said, the food program really wouldn't or at least shouldn't have an issue with it. If that became the child's breakfast or a snack you could just not document her for that meal.

I have that rule, however I do give exceptions when needed. I have one little guy whose parents decided not to participate in the food program as they wanted to provide all of their childs food.

So... has dad came to pick her up yet? What did you do? I do agree that you don't have to be nasty nasty... but yes, demand respect!!
I have 16 kids and am tier 1. That's how I get so much.

The problem with kids bringing stuff is we don't know how it was prepared at home...could have been under filthy conditions.

Kids don't understand why their buddy can have a chocolate granola bar for breakfast and they can't.

My kids would want to eat the granola bar AND what I prepare...but I couldn't claim it as they ate a different meal from the other kids...which means the food came out of my pocket. Times all this by 16 = chaos.
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Meeko 08:00 AM 04-29-2011
Originally Posted by countrymom:
you ladies are way too nice. I would have given the child chocolate, and let it melt in her hands just as dad was coming up the door, push her out the door with those yummy delicious hands so she can smear it all over him and the car, "oh, whats that no food in the car allowed" bahhahaha!!!

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wdmmom 08:11 AM 04-29-2011
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
I am a firm believer in kindness. Nasty notes? Slamming doors in faces? Tape and super glue? Why not take the high road and personally tell him why you have this policy? (Btw, seems like a silly policy). As a business person, I would never be rude or nasty. Why would this dad want to have someone so mean and angry care for his child? I wouldn't. You get a lot further with sugar and honey than piss and vinegar. Finally, there are WAY more things in the daycare world to get angry about, liked bounced checks and no-notice-quitters. Why expend so much energy being angry about a granola bar?

Have you ever dealt with 6 children on your own and they are all screaming and whining and pointing saying they want what "Sally" has?!

Do you have rules in your house? Like, no eating in the living room or no eating anywhere but the table? I have new carpet...I don't want shoes on let alone a kid carrying in a granola bar because if you let it go, before you know it, they are coming in with a Capri Sun. Do you know what little kids like to do with juice boxes??? They like to squeeze them all over! I'm nip that in the bud now and avoid the bigger issues later too!

Have you ever been completely belittled in your own house? It's not something that I'm prepared to tolerate let alone be completely defied. Rules are set forth by providers that they deem fit. They are in place for a reason! Why question the reason and just follow the rules by the contract that you signed?

As for being mean and nasty...it's not that at all. It's complete disregard for rules and regulations. No one is exempt and that is the point that the provider was trying to get across. If it's been mentioned numerous times before and nothing works, there comes a time where getting smart works!

If it weren't for the poor sick mom, I would have told DCD to hit the road a long time ago. And with that smirk he gave the provider when handing the child that damn granola bar!
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Symphony 09:48 AM 04-29-2011
Food program inspection here is pretty laid back. She comes in, watches us prep and serve the meal. Looks at the menu and writes down what he had the past five days and which children were in attendance. I have a completely different person and organization that checks temperatures and fire extinguishers. So it must vary by state.

No matter what your state does though, I agree with everyone else, you have to stick to the rules because it is OUR livlihood on the line, NOT the parents!
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MamaBear 09:53 AM 04-29-2011
Stick to your rules... As soon as you start to fold, they will walk all over you. Good for you for not giving in.
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cheerfuldom 12:07 PM 04-29-2011
hey if honey and sugar worked on every daycare parent, what would we have to talk about?! Unfortunately, most people interpret niceness/politeness to be that something isn't that big of a deal and the provider doesn't care that much. The reality is that sometimes you have to get really firm (which can be viewed as being mean if a person is really sensitive or is just not wanting to cooperate) in order to get your point across. It wasn't the granola bar, it was the fact that the provider set out a reasonable rule that was completely disregarded by a parent. If the granola bar wasn't that big of a deal, why couldn't the parent just follow the rule? The provider has half a dozen families to coordinate into one program, the least this dad could do is respect a very basic rule. you did the right thing OP!
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