Lost A Friend... Sorry Kinda Long

[B Lou]

Yesterday I lost a good friend, due to a daycare situation.

About two months ago a friend that is also a provider called and asked if I had room for a few of her families for a short time. Due to her license being suspended for at least 45 days. Some accusations about her husband and a DCB.

I took three of her families for her. Waving the two week notice to them, if they left me to go back to her WHEN she got her license back. A few weeks later she tells me that she will not be getting her license back at all.

Now I have been there supporting and never judging her. So I call the licensor to ask for a variance for the extra child under the age of 2.

Last week this friend goes behind my back and decides to do unlicensed daycare for this family.

So I again call the licensor to tell her to please disregard the request. She asked me why I told her.

Well I guess when you are being investigated you cannot do unlicensed daycare either.

So now my friend has deleted me from her life. It was never my intention to get her into trouble.

But I am very hurt.

Thanks for letting me cry.

[Country Kids]

I am so sorry-. Remember you were trying to help and what she was doing was wrong. Shes mad at you and is being very rude to put you in this situation when you did nothing wrong. Now shes in trouble again and probably going to lose the family again and the are going to have to look for childcare all over.

[Former Teacher]

You did nothing wrong.

Your friends needs to grow up.

I am sorry (hugs)

[Heidi]

She is going through a tough time in her life right now. Give her some time and wait and see. If you haven't done it already, send her an apology note and and remind her that this was unintentional. Reaffirm your support for her, and then leave it alone.

I had a friend for 20 years. We were single together, she was one of only 2 bridesmaids in my wedding (the other was my only sister), and we had our first babies 12 hours apart. We were friends through her moving across the country several times. 3 years ago she decided that since I am a "liberal", and she has become and extreme "tea partier", that we could no longer be friends. She just "deleted me from her life", as you put it, without much fanfare. I tried for about 2 years to reconnect, to apologize for whatever it was I said, etc. I finally had to give up and move on. It still feels a little like a bad divorce!

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by B Lou

Yesterday I lost a good friend, due to a daycare situation.

About two months ago a friend that is also a provider called and asked if I had room for a few of her families for a short time. Due to her license being suspended for at least 45 days. Some accusations about her husband and a DCB.

I took three of her families for her. Waving the two week notice to them, if they left me to go back to her WHEN she got her license back. A few weeks later she tells me that she will not be getting her license back at all.

Now I have been there supporting and never judging her. So I call the licensor to ask for a variance for the extra child under the age of 2.

Last week this friend goes behind my back and decides to do unlicensed daycare for this family.

So I again call the licensor to tell her to please disregard the request. She asked me why I told her.

Well I guess when you are being investigated you cannot do unlicensed daycare either.

So now my friend has deleted me from her life. It was never my intention to get her into trouble.

But I am very hurt.

Thanks for letting me cry.

Hang in there B! I think some of this gals issue is that she is frustrated with what she has going on in her life right now (plus maybe her hormones too) and she is simply taking it all out on the people who are closest to her.

I bet in time, she WILL realize what a good friend you are and even if she doesn't come forward and say anything about re-connectig, she will be sad that she threw away a great friendship.

Originally Posted by Heidi

She is going through a tough time in her life right now. Give her some time and wait and see. If you haven't done it already, send her an apology note and and remind her that this was unintentional. Reaffirm your support for her, and then leave it alone.

I had a friend for 20 years. We were single together, she was one of only 2 bridesmaids in my wedding (the other was my only sister), and we had our first babies 12 hours apart. We were friends through her moving across the country several times. 3 years ago she decided that since I am a "liberal", and she has become and extreme "tea partier", that we could no longer be friends. She just "deleted me from her life", as you put it, without much fanfare. I tried for about 2 years to reconnect, to apologize for whatever it was I said, etc. I finally had to give up and move on. It still feels a little like a bad divorce!

I am NOT making light of this situation but I do have to say that, that is a very silly reason to not want to keep being friends with someone!

Good thing I don't base my friendships on political stances.....

I would think more than anything the issue is your friends and NOT yours and she is the one who is the loser in this situation.

[Heidi]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

Hang in there B! I think some of this gals issue is that she is frustrated with what she has going on in her life right now (plus maybe her hormones too) an dshe is simply taking it all out on the people who are closest to her.

I bet in time, she WILL realize what a good friend you are and even if she doesn't come forward and say anything about re-connectig, she will be sad that she threw away a great friendship.




I am NOT making light of this situation but I do have to say that, that is a very silly reason to not want to keep being friends with someone!

Good thing I don't base my friendships on political stances.....

I would think more than anything the issue is your friends and NOT yours and she is the one who is the loser in this situation.

I don't want to hijack the thread, but thanks! It's been wierd, to say the least!

[cheerfuldom]

she was doing something against regulations. you unknowingly outed her. SHE made the bad choice so you shouldnt have anything to feel bad about. She is making another bad choice in disregarding a friend that has been there supporting her this whole time.

[Sugar Magnolia]

.....but I wouldn't apologize. If she is not supposed to have children in her home, and licensing found out she WAS watching kids from you, then you are the hero. Yeah, she is (was) your friend, but hey, maybe the dude DID do something to a child. Let it go....some things are not worth fighting for.

[renodeb]

You did nothing wrong. She is the one that is in the wrong. So sorry you are dealing with this. I find it hard to have friends in the dc world b/c of things like this.
Debbie

[momofsix]

So sorry you got hurt by HER bad decisions. You did nothing wrong. I agree with Sharlan-I don't think you need to apologize either. It's tough to be "deleted" by a friend, but it sounds like your life will be better off without a friend like that. (((hugs)))

[countrymom]

Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia

.....but I wouldn't apologize. If she is not supposed to have children in her home, and licensing found out she WAS watching kids from you, then you are the hero. Yeah, she is (was) your friend, but hey, maybe the dude DID do something to a child. Let it go....some things are not worth fighting for.

I agree!!! something doesn't sound right, and you did nothing wrong. have the families ever said anything to you. And if they are still investing then you something is serious.

[Heidi]

Originally Posted by countrymom

I agree!!! something doesn't sound right, and you did nothing wrong. have the families ever said anything to you. And if they are still investing then you something is serious.

I don't know about that. In WI and MN, the climate is definately GUILTY until proven innocent when it comes to daycare! Not kidding...I've heard some real doosies!

[B Lou]

Thank you all so much for the kind words and the support. I don't feel as though I have done anything wrong. But it's sure hurts the same. I'm just confused about the whole situation.

Thanks again.

[My3cents]

Originally Posted by B Lou

Yesterday I lost a good friend, due to a daycare situation.

About two months ago a friend that is also a provider called and asked if I had room for a few of her families for a short time. Due to her license being suspended for at least 45 days. Some accusations about her husband and a DCB.

I took three of her families for her. Waving the two week notice to them, if they left me to go back to her WHEN she got her license back. A few weeks later she tells me that she will not be getting her license back at all.

Now I have been there supporting and never judging her. So I call the licensor to ask for a variance for the extra child under the age of 2.

Last week this friend goes behind my back and decides to do unlicensed daycare for this family.

So I again call the licensor to tell her to please disregard the request. She asked me why I told her.

Well I guess when you are being investigated you cannot do unlicensed daycare either.

So now my friend has deleted me from her life. It was never my intention to get her into trouble.

But I am very hurt.

Thanks for letting me cry.

She was not your friend to begin with it seems, she won't even hear you out- You did the right thing, even if you feel like you did not. I would call that person up and offer them a slot at your daycare if you have one. They must feel torn. Something is not right here with your friend--- red flags!

[jojosmommy]

Originally Posted by Former Teacher

You did nothing wrong.

Your friends needs to grow up.

I am sorry (hugs)

I agree.

She should have asked about doing unlicensed (I assume legally unlicensed) care while being investigated BEFORE taking this family back.

Why would this family even want to go back to her....? Anyway, you were kind to help her out. Her personal issues are more than she can handle obviously.

I would call her, tell her you were just doing what you thought was right, your intentions were never to get her in trouble and leave it at that.

Sorry to hear this has caused chaos.