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  #1  
Old 10-16-2014, 06:45 AM
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Default Assistant with Nursing Toddler

Hi! I'm new, obviously. I don't know where I should be posting this, but since I'm distracted by my almost-two-year-old I just went with the one that seemed best.

I am an assistant at a small home daycare. The owner just opened in April, and has 3 toddlers and a 3 month old. I also bring my daughter with me as that was part of the agreement with my employment.

I made sure to be very clear when I started that I'm still nursing her and probably would be for a while, at least for naps and once in a while if she really needed a moment of comfort.

I know it's complicated; I know if she just went to daycare the providers would be able to get her to sleep but it would take a few minutes of rubbing her back or something.

The owner recently seems to have lost the ability to hold back her disdain for my parenting. You may not believe me, but my nursing her to sleep has definitely caused no more inconvenience to her than any of the other kids have.

She's been obsessing over nap time, claiming she wants to get all the kids to be able to go to sleep on their own so she doesn't have to spend any time on them, but she still spends a few minutes on each kid to get them settled or asleep. It works, and doesn't take long, so it became clear that she was angry that I still nurse mine to sleep. Eventually talking about streamlining naptime turned into her arguing with me over how and why I'm doing things this way; how breastfeeding isn't beneficial, how I'm giving all control to my toddler... etc...

I've been doing everything how she wants, and trying to save my daughter until the rest are down so I can go spend a few minutes (rarely any more than the other kids get) but she's turned so many things around on us that I'm starting to feel like a crazy person.

I guess I don't know what my question is, except maybe to ask if any of you have dealt with this exact, specific situation? Or if you have any advice on what to do? I've basically ended up telling her to quit with the parenting advice and just let me know if it's not going to work out with us. It still never ends though.

I'm not certified or going to school for my CDA or anything, so I don't seem to be qualified to work in another daycare setting. (She just heard through a mutual friend that I was desperate for work and she needed someone she could pay less than minimum wage to help her with her new business. Long story...)

I'll stop now, and let me know if I'm the unreasonable one or if there's an easy way I can address or fix this without just leaving her in the bedroom to CIO to appease my boss :/

Thanks for reading!
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  #2  
Old 10-16-2014, 06:54 AM
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As your employer I would’ve never agreed to your nursing outside of your breaks. I also would take issue with your nursing your child to put her to sleep at my business.

Now with that written, she agreed to it. So she holds a lot of responsibility in this situation. If nursing is the only way you’ve allowed your toddler to fall asleep, I’d quit. The owner has stated how she feels about the situation. Either you adjust to her request, quit, get fired or listen to her gripe.
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  #3  
Old 10-16-2014, 06:57 AM
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This is ridiculous. Your parenting is not effecting the child care at all and she DOES need to mind her own business. ESPECIALLY since it is not effecting the work that you agreed to do.

I would either ignore or say, "Please stop." to her ignorant comments about it not being beneficial. What an idiot.

Where do you live? Are you SURE you cannot work in another daycare setting? Here, in the south, people do with high school degrees.
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  #4  
Old 10-16-2014, 07:07 AM
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I would bet that you can work in another daycare setting provided you have no criminal background, have a high school diploma and transportation. Daycare is generally very easy to get involved in. I would start looking for another job. I would bet this situation with the provider is about more than the breastfeeding but this is the issue the owner is nitpicking on. She is probably regretting allowing you to bring your child to work IMO. Anyway, you either look for something else or deal with it. I would imagine you could find something as a nanny with another family.
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  #5  
Old 10-16-2014, 07:16 AM
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I think it was probably easy for the provider to SAY something (you + your DD) was okay but now is realizing she is not okay with it and is being passive-aggressive about it.

Whether her true issue is your extended breastfeeding, your focus on your dd or your parenting style all together, I don't know but it's clear she does have an issue.

Have you attempted at all to have a heart to heart sit down talk with her? Has she just acted funny towards you or is she outright verbalizing her unhappiness?

Honestly, if I were you I would consider applying at other places. To be a helper or assistant in most daycares there really isn't a lot of requirements such other than being 18 and having a willingness to work.

On that note, I am not positive but I am thinking that she can't legally pay you less than minimum wage. Even as a helper/assistant, she must pay you as her employee....which means tax/social security with holdings and workman's comp coverage. If she is not doing that, then the situation may not even be legal.

What state are you in?
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  #6  
Old 10-16-2014, 07:18 AM
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I nursed my son until he was 2 years old. That said, he learned to go to sleep on his own so that sleep wasn't stressful for him if I couldn't be there to help him sleep. I didn't want him to be miserable if I wasn't there for nap or bedtime. Plus I didn't want to feel like a human pacifier...he was a very clingy baby!

However, if I were your employer, I would keep this opinion to myself and just focus on job performance. If your nursing were affecting your performance, I would work together to find a solution that works for the job as your boss knew you'd be nursing on the job when you were hired. Would I have agreed to this? On unpaid breaks, sure, if your child wasn't disrupting the routine as that would disrupt my business.

Here, most businesses are required to allow unpaid breaks to pump breastmilk in private...although I do believe small businesses are exempt from this if it causes undue hardship on daily activities. It would be a problem for me if it was a distraction to the needs of the other children, for instance.

Not trying to sound harsh, but just trying to look at a different angle.

So, maybe you could talk to your boss and point out that you noticed she's uncomfortable with you nursing and would like to find a solution that allows you to continue nursing and her to run her business.

Maybe suggest taking an unpaid break to do this. Maybe it is time to set up your child with a daycare routine and keep nursing to home only. Maybe nurse before nap and then start her on her nap routine (i.e., potty break/diaper change, story, hug/kiss, tuck in).

Be prepared to find another job in case this doesn't work. Maybe you could be a nanny or assistant elsewhere.

This is a tricky situation but hopefully you can find a solution that works for everyone!
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  #7  
Old 10-16-2014, 07:28 AM
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I agree with a pp that stated the issue may not be the breast feeding, but the fact that your child is attending. If you are getting free or reduced rates for his attendance, that may be the issue.

To say breast feeding isn't beneficial is ridiculous. But to play devil's advocate, I also don't know if this is affecting your work performance. Maybe it is more of an issue than you think?

In any case and I'm sorry you are going through this:
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  #8  
Old 10-16-2014, 07:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elko View Post

I'm distracted by my almost-two-year-old

I am an assistant at a small home daycare.

3 toddlers and a 3 month old. I also bring my daughter with me

I'm still nursing her for a while

for naps

a moment of comfort.

I know it's complicated

my nursing her to sleep has definitely caused no more inconvenience to her (my employer) than any of the other kids have.

claiming she wants to get all the kids to be able to go to sleep on their own

she still spends a few minutes on each kid to get them settled or asleep.

it became clear that she was angry that I still nurse mine to sleep.

talking about streamlining naptime

I've been doing everything how she wants, and trying to save my daughter until the rest are down so I can go spend a few minutes (rarely any more than the other kids get)

let me know if it's not going to work out with us

I'm not certified or going to school for my CDA or anything, so I don't seem to be qualified to work in another daycare setting.

I was desperate for work

let me know if I'm the unreasonable one

if there's an easy way I can address or fix this without just leaving her in the bedroom to CIO to appease my boss :/

Thanks for reading!
I think you are being unreasonable. I don't think this is going to work out.

The easy way to address this is to:

1. find childcare for your child while you are working

2. follow the childcare programs routines while you are working.

3. open your own childcare program that suits your parenting and financial needs

Sorry, being a parent is hard. Being an employee is work. You are not entitled to do "my child" while on the clock in someone elses business. I don't mean to sound harsh, I am just calling as I know it to be. I opened my own childcare program to meet my needs and wants, too..... Naptime is when I work the hardest. Cleaning, planning, organizing, emailing, etc.... Having an assistant disappearing during that time everyday would not be beneficial and I would resent the ____ out of it. It is one thing if I was supporting her nursing for nutrition, but for comfort... nope. I would not host that on your dollar.

This whole forum can help you get up and going if you want to open one, though.
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  #9  
Old 10-16-2014, 08:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
I think you are being unreasonable. I don't think this is going to work out.

The easy way to address this is to:

1. find childcare for your child while you are working

2. follow the childcare programs routines while you are working.

3. open your own childcare program that suits your parenting and financial needs

Sorry, being a parent is hard. Being an employee is work. You are not entitled to do "my child" while on the clock in someone elses business. I don't mean to sound harsh, I am just calling as I know it to be. I opened my own childcare program to meet my needs and wants, too..... Naptime is when I work the hardest. Cleaning, planning, organizing, emailing, etc.... Having an assistant disappearing during that time everyday would not be beneficial and I would resent the ____ out of it. It is one thing if I was supporting her nursing for nutrition, but for comfort... nope. I would not host that on your dollar.

This whole forum can help you get up and going if you want to open one, though.

I agree the boss probably said yes when it was initially presented because the prospective employee made it seem as though it wasnt going to be a big deal. Clearly that's not the case.

I imagine that if my assistant was off comfort nursing her child while I was busily trying to get *everyone* else to sleep after a long morning, I'd be pretty grumpy too. and I'd be even more annoyed if that employee was accusing me of not wanting to take time with the kiddos while she was off with just her child
I completely agree with Cat Herder's suggestions.
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  #10  
Old 10-16-2014, 08:52 AM
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I agree that there is another issue besides the breastfeeding. I think the whole situation may not be working. It is quite likely that you spend more time on your own child than you realize. You are there to be an assistant in a daycare. It is not your employers responsibility to allow you one on one time with your child during work hours.

I would guess that she wants you, the assistant, to assist with getting the other children settled for nap. Instead she is doing that herself while you tend to your child while she is paying you. Regardless of it only taking her a couple of minutes, I'm sure she has other things to do and it would more beneficial to her if you were helping at naptime. Her priority is the daycare children and your breastfeeding is a side note to her, whereas to you breastfeeding your child is the priority. (I'm not agreeing one way or the other, just giving a different perspective)

I understand she agreed to this. Sounds like she is regretting that decision and isn't going about telling you in the right way.

You should definitely address it with her before it gets ugly. Ask her straight out if this whole situation is working. If not you could absolutely find another assistant job. Although I can say you will have a difficult time finding work where you can bring your own child for free or reduced and breastfeed while on the job.

I understand your end, but as a daycare owner this would be a problem for me. I don't even allow parents of enrolled children to come in and breastfeed, let alone an employee. Not that I don't support breastfeeding, I absolutely do. Just that it causes more of a disruption than parents realize.
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  #11  
Old 10-16-2014, 09:04 AM
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I think that the problem is that too many people don't accept/like extended breastfeeding. And, your employer seems to be one of them.
Odds are that you aren't going to be able to change her mind.

You need to decide what this job is worth to you.
Is it worth weaning your child during business hours?
Only you know your situation.
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  #12  
Old 10-16-2014, 09:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KSDC View Post
I think that the problem is that too many people don't accept/like extended breastfeeding. And, your employer seems to be one of them.
Odds are that you aren't going to be able to change her mind.
I think it's unfair to assume that her employer is against extended bf'ing. It also tends to be the extended breast feeders rallying cry "everyone is against us feeding our children!!!!"

The boss initally agreed to it, so I'm thinking perhaps the issue isn't so much the breast feeding, but the fact the boss is doing all the other kids while mom is doing one on one time with her child during what seems like a busy time in the day. Frankly, I wouldn't pay someone for that.
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  #13  
Old 10-16-2014, 09:34 AM
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I don't think you are being unreasonable. You both went in with expectations and it seems like she is now trying to change the agreement. I would talk to her and see what she is expecting and I would let her know that the conditions of your lower pay (which I don't know is legal) is that I get to care for my child. Maybe to try to work with her i would ask her to outline the expectations but I would definitely start looking for another job or start my own program.
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Old 10-16-2014, 09:48 AM
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I do think this is a bit unreasonable. There's nothing wrong with extended breastfeeding, but it is no longer your child's primary source of nourishment. It's comfort feeding.

Yes, she agreed initially, but haven't we all made an agreement at some point in our lives that we later regretted? I think she regrets this arrangement.

For me personally, I would not allow you to breastfeed on my dime. I would be paying you to assist me, not paying you to care for your own child. And I can see where the resentment may be building up for both of you.

It IS illegal to work under the table and for less than minimum wage. That's another thing to consider.

If continuing to comfort feed is your priority, it's probably best that you turn in your notice and stay home or start your own childcare from home. And she needs an assistant that is available to do what she pays them to do for the entire time the assistant is there.
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Old 10-16-2014, 10:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
I think you are being unreasonable. I don't think this is going to work out.

The easy way to address this is to:

1. find childcare for your child while you are working

2. follow the childcare programs routines while you are working.

3. open your own childcare program that suits your parenting and financial needs

Sorry, being a parent is hard. Being an employee is work. You are not entitled to do "my child" while on the clock in someone elses business. I don't mean to sound harsh, I am just calling as I know it to be. I opened my own childcare program to meet my needs and wants, too..... Naptime is when I work the hardest. Cleaning, planning, organizing, emailing, etc.... Having an assistant disappearing during that time everyday would not be beneficial and I would resent the ____ out of it. It is one thing if I was supporting her nursing for nutrition, but for comfort... nope. I would not host that on your dollar.

This whole forum can help you get up and going if you want to open one, though.
I agree, FCC needs dependable work ALL THE TIME, not just when it is convenient....taking care of your "own" child takes away from your work duties and I think you need to reassess your position.....start your own daycare or move on so your employer can find a dependable worker!
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Old 10-16-2014, 11:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
I think you are being unreasonable. I don't think this is going to work out.

The easy way to address this is to:

1. find childcare for your child while you are working

2. follow the childcare programs routines while you are working.

3. open your own childcare program that suits your parenting and financial needs

Sorry, being a parent is hard. Being an employee is work. You are not entitled to do "my child" while on the clock in someone elses business. I don't mean to sound harsh, I am just calling as I know it to be. I opened my own childcare program to meet my needs and wants, too..... Naptime is when I work the hardest. Cleaning, planning, organizing, emailing, etc.... Having an assistant disappearing during that time everyday would not be beneficial and I would resent the ____ out of it. It is one thing if I was supporting her nursing for nutrition, but for comfort... nope. I would not host that on your dollar.

This whole forum can help you get up and going if you want to open one, though.
I agree!
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Old 10-16-2014, 11:15 AM
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I bet you're able to work in another daycare setting. I really don't think you need a CDA or certification to be an assistant, maybe to be a lead teacher.

I'd go elsewhere. The situation isn't working for either of you.

FYI, I nursed my son to sleep until he was 20 months old. I had my own daycare then. I put the other kids to bed and then nursed him to sleep. Worked great for me, but it was my own program so I got to decide, and when it comes down to it, she is in charge.
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Old 10-16-2014, 12:04 PM
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A good friend of mine comes over from time to time to "help" me at the daycare as a volunteer, and she brings her child. I can tell you that it is difficult when she is tending to her own child for her to be of any help to me. The issue would be compounded by her breast feeding- taking time to just be with her child, while I am doing the work. Her help is free, and irregular, so I wouldn't complain, BUT if I was paying her to help me, I would have a major issue with her taking time with her child when I have a group to tend to. Agree with Craftymom- it's going to be hard to find a position where you can bring your child and breastfeed as you are doing now. You may have to adjust your feedings to breaks only, if you want to continue these feeds.
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Old 10-16-2014, 12:37 PM
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See that's where I think the miscommunication is coming from. She is paying you less than minimum wage and expects you to work like she's paying you 15 dollars an hour. That's why I think you should get a list of her expectations. You will probably be shocked at what she thinks you should be doing for that pay.
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Old 10-16-2014, 12:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ACH247 View Post
See that's where I think the miscommunication is coming from. She is paying you less than minimum wage and expects you to work like she's paying you 15 dollars an hour. That's why I think you should get a list of her expectations. You will probably be shocked at what she thinks you should be doing for that pay.
But she is getting FREE childcare from how I understand it, or at least a reduced rate. While I don't agree with paying someone less than minimum wage, I'm sure op is still making out. If she were working elsewhere she would have to pay full price for child care and would likely have more expected from her as far as work load. The way I see it she should be working the same work load as any other assistant this daycare provider would hire, to cover the cost of her daughter's childcare. The daughter takes up a space in the daycare, uses craft supplies, eats the same foods and does the same activities, etc. She costs the same as any other enrolled child.
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Old 10-16-2014, 12:55 PM
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Another question is how often is that "once in a while if she really needed a moment of comfort". Is this everyday? Or a few times a month? Would it mean dropping everything to go have a moment alone with her?... would other methods of comfort be attempted, and would she possibly need to wait depending on what was going on.
I nursed my own children mostly 'on demand' while I was doing childcare... but they would sometimes need to wait a little while depending on what was going on. (and because it's my own program, I still was able to watch the other children while discreetly nursing).


"but she still spends a few minutes on each kid to get them settled or asleep"... so she is putting the other 4 children to sleep? What are you doing during this time?

While you may not realize it the transition to nap time can be hectic. Toddlers notice when one of their classmates are not laying down, and this can be a disruption. Taking a few minutes one on one to comfort each child all in the same room is different then taking them off into another room to give one on one time.

You need to be asking her "what can I do to help"

maybe trying a new schedule.... maybe taking an unpaid break (or one of your legally required paid breaks) shortly before naptime to nurse and then laying her down with the other children. You can then also help with the other children while they are going down... and possibly stay in the room while they drift off to sleep, so that the owner can take care of other things.

Good luck! I hope that you can figure out something that works for both of you.
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Old 10-16-2014, 01:33 PM
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I personally wouldn't allow on the clock breast feeding for an employees kid. I wouldn't take an on demand comfort feeder either. I have a lot of breastfeeding kids and none of them need to be fed to go to sleep.

My guess is that she is seeing you spending too much time in general with your kid to make it worth it. She's on a learning curve too and it's probably just not working out to have your kid there. Just tell her it isn't working out and give her notice.

How old is your child?
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Old 10-16-2014, 01:38 PM
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Just something to be aware of.
I'm not sure what state you are in, but she probably doesn't legally need an assistant with only 4 children (she probably hired you planning on trying to get more clients) ... and I would not be able to afford paying an assistant minimum wage with only 4 paying spots. I think the rule of thumb here is that it takes 3 paying spots to pay for one low wage assistant (doing everything right). I'm not sure what she's paying you (or what the childcare rates are in your area), but it's possible that she is making less money then you, especially when you consider the extra costs involved in running a childcare out of your home. She sounds like she is stressed out, and I'm sure the financial situation isn't making it better.

I know you feel like you are doing everything the way she wants it. From her perspective, she probably feels like she is letting you do everything the way you want it, and doing you a favor by letting you work for her, and bring your daughter. The real answer is probably somewhere in between.

Big Hugs!
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  #24  
Old 10-16-2014, 03:46 PM
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I think she is trying to get you to quit because with only 4 kids she doesn't really need an assistant. If I were you I would look for another job. I have NO IDEA how she is affording you in the first place.
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Old 10-16-2014, 07:09 PM
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Ok couple quick points; I don't get any official breaks, we both just take a "break" if we can while they're sleeping.

She doesn't get them all to sleep, I do it sometimes and she does it sometimes, but they all get a few minutes of help; sometimes multiple times if they won't stay asleep. My kid is the only one causing anyone any resentment.

I'm sure I'm spending some specific one-on-one time with her from time to time throughout the day, definitely a little more than the others, but they all get some personal time too either from me or the owner.

I'm not GUESSING that she's anti extended breastfeeding; she's very clearly stated that she is. It's non-beneficial, and I"m allowing my toddler to control me. She has 3 grown, adopted kids, and they were all magic-sleeping-babies, and she never had to do any training or anything, so she just doesn't get that there are multiple, legitimate ways of doing things

I'm in Ann Arbor, MI, and the only looking for jobs I've done has been on craigslist, and all listings for assistants require education I don't have.

OH! Update... I've been telling her for months that I'd be willing to have her try and put my daughter down, as I know she'd go down with a little effort by someone else, but she's always sort of weakly said she was willing but never followed through. After yesterdays argument, I told her I'd start trying to put her down in a pack and play in the play room after everyone else has gone down. I got all her toys and blankets, nursed her for a minute, put her down and said "night night", and she hung out, talked and played, whined some, and after a while another part-time assistant went down and patted her back and she went right to sleep!

So I'm optimistic, but this means that the owner is going to have to do that part for the next few days to make it stick, and I just don't know if I can count on that. She hasn't sounded super stoked to do it, so....

Anyway, I'll keep looking for other work, but I just wanted to clarify that I'm not just disappearing while she's paying me and working her ass off. I always wait until she has either nothing to do or is just watching the baby, and I ALWAYS make sure she gets a break
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Old 10-16-2014, 07:11 PM
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Also, she needs an assistant because she's 50 something and has a teenage daughter at home and a very busy life and decided to be open from 7am-6pm... and realized she can't handle all of it. Reasonably enough. I would have never gotten myself in that situation!
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Old 10-16-2014, 08:01 PM
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The kids go down mostly in different rooms; there are two boys who do ok as long as they go into the room when the other is asleep, so we get one down and either he's asleep when we put him down or we wait until he is to put the other in, and they generally do ok (one of them is a really difficult case though, possible sensory issues, not sure, and he's been a real handful in almost every way) and the baby obviously is a wild card... but a general good sleeper when he's asleep. Well, as long as it's in the swing these days... but whatever, he's a baby

So it's not a big room of toddlers distracting each other. Usually, she takes one of the boys up while I watch everyone else, then maybe she takes the next up when it's all clear, and I watch the others. Then I put the oldest toddler to bed with his toy and water and he does fine, then I go nurse my daughter while the owner either deals with the baby or not, depending on whether he's sleeping or not. Usually he is, but if not it's just a little hanging out until I'm done. When I'm done, I go tell her to take a break and I'll be available for when everyone wakes up. If they're all asleep, I make sure everything's tidy, and maybe, MAYBE I read a book while eating or something, then I gradually take care of everyone while they get up until it's clear she needs to come down from her bedroom and help out. Obviously it's not always that cut and dry, so sometimes they all sleep/wakeup in staggered, annoying ways so nobody gets much of a break. Just trying to give an idea of how things are, in case it clears things up at all...
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Old 10-16-2014, 08:37 PM
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How old is your child?
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Old 10-16-2014, 08:43 PM
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Oh, she's 23 months, thought I mentioned... sorry!
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Old 10-16-2014, 09:09 PM
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The kids go down mostly in different rooms; there are two boys who do ok as long as they go into the room when the other is asleep, so we get one down and either he's asleep when we put him down or we wait until he is to put the other in, and they generally do ok (one of them is a really difficult case though, possible sensory issues, not sure, and he's been a real handful in almost every way) and the baby obviously is a wild card... but a general good sleeper when he's asleep. Well, as long as it's in the swing these days... but whatever, he's a baby

So it's not a big room of toddlers distracting each other. Usually, she takes one of the boys up while I watch everyone else, then maybe she takes the next up when it's all clear, and I watch the others. Then I put the oldest toddler to bed with his toy and water and he does fine, then I go nurse my daughter while the owner either deals with the baby or not, depending on whether he's sleeping or not. Usually he is, but if not it's just a little hanging out until I'm done. When I'm done, I go tell her to take a break and I'll be available for when everyone wakes up. If they're all asleep, I make sure everything's tidy, and maybe, MAYBE I read a book while eating or something, then I gradually take care of everyone while they get up until it's clear she needs to come down from her bedroom and help out. Obviously it's not always that cut and dry, so sometimes they all sleep/wakeup in staggered, annoying ways so nobody gets much of a break. Just trying to give an idea of how things are, in case it clears things up at all...


I also don't understand how this daycare owner can afford 2 assistants with only 4 kids enrolled?
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Old 10-16-2014, 11:53 PM
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Swing sleeping is a BIG NO NO.
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Old 10-17-2014, 03:55 AM
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The other assistant comes in for 3 hours on Thursday while the owner goes and teaches an aerobic dance class...

We're working on the swing sleeping, if he falls asleep in the swing we move him to his bassinet, but he only stays asleep for about 5-10 minutes then. It's another big hurdle right now... We're only working on it because we know if licensing came in it would be an issue, and clearly he'll outgrow it in a while. I don't know if that's why you said swing sleeping is a big no-no or if you were talking about just in general, but we know it's not allowed so it's something we're trying to remedy.
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Old 10-17-2014, 04:11 AM
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Swing sleeping can cause positional asphyxiation. Most states explicitly ban allowing a child to nap in a swing, car seat......anything other than an approved crib or PAC n play. Allowing a nap in a swing is a major violation.
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Old 10-17-2014, 05:02 AM
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Yeah... that's why I said we move him...
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Old 10-17-2014, 05:14 AM
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Sorry for veering off topic. I thought the swing sleeping should be addressed. I had one like this too. He fell asleep in the swing, I moved him, he woke up. Repeat, repeat, repeat. That child would've lived in that swing if I'd let him. It took quite a while to break him.
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Old 10-17-2014, 05:29 AM
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How long did it take? It's really hard to do, as he'll sleep forever in the swing, but almost no time in the bassinet. We raised his head a bit and nothin...

Anyway, I'm trying my daughter in the pnp again today, hopefully we'll just gently move into being able to put her down and say "night-night" and walk away... I doubt it, but maybe!
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Old 10-17-2014, 05:31 AM
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How long did it take? It's really hard to do, as he'll sleep forever in the swing, but almost no time in the bassinet. We raised his head a bit and nothin...

Anyway, I'm trying my daughter in the pnp again today, hopefully we'll just gently move into being able to put her down and say "night-night" and walk away... I doubt it, but maybe!
It literally took months! But here's why. Get ready to cringe. Dcparents were allowing him to sleep in the moving swing ALL NIGHT. Because that was "the only way he'll sleep". I thought I'd pass out when they told me this.
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Old 10-17-2014, 05:33 AM
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Oh dang... that doesn't help. This baby sleeps in a co-sleeper at night, but he'll be moving to a crib soon. I know he naps in the swing at home sometimes but not all night.

The room he's in at dc is also a touch chilly, and he's a baby that needs extra warmth. Like I still feel weird layering him as much as he needs. Owner says she'll move him upstairs at some point, but doesn't think it's too cold for him downstairs. Constant struggle I tell you!
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Old 10-17-2014, 05:41 AM
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IMHO, the best way to break a swing sleeper is to throw away the swing so the adult cannot continue to view it as an option.

Adults teach babies to sleep in swings.
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Old 10-17-2014, 05:56 AM
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IMHO, the best way to break a swing sleeper is to throw away the swing so the adult cannot continue to view it as an option.

Adults teach babies to sleep in swings.
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Old 10-17-2014, 06:11 AM
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IMHO, the best way to break a swing sleeper is to throw away the swing so the adult cannot continue to view it as an option.

Adults teach babies to sleep in swings.
this is exactly what I did after my experience with this particular baby. Well, I sold it on Craigslist. Same difference.
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Old 10-17-2014, 06:20 AM
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IMHO, the best way to break a swing sleeper is to throw away the swing so the adult cannot continue to view it as an option.

Adults teach babies to sleep in swings.
Ha, this is sooooo true!

2 years ago, I got rid of ALL my infant equipment.

All of it.

No jumpers, no exersaucers, no swings, no Bumbo chairs, nothing but a PNP. (One that meets the new crib/PNP requirements)

People are always amazed when I say that I use NO infant equipment. They always ask how I manage.

It's so simple/easy...... if the child never has/had it, they never miss it.
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Old 10-17-2014, 06:27 AM
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Oh dang... that doesn't help. This baby sleeps in a co-sleeper at night, but he'll be moving to a crib soon. I know he naps in the swing at home sometimes but not all night.

The room he's in at dc is also a touch chilly, and he's a baby that needs extra warmth. Like I still feel weird layering him as much as he needs. Owner says she'll move him upstairs at some point, but doesn't think it's too cold for him downstairs. Constant struggle I tell you!
Have you sat down and actually talked with this provider about the issues you are having?

I mean, to me that is the best way to fix anything. Talk to the person you have the problem with (or that has the problem with you).

Have you outright asked her what does she want you to do more of? Less of?

It's clear the issue here isn't parenting styles, opinions or thoughts on the subject. It's pretty clear that the issue is communication between you and your employer.

Ask to schedule a time where the two of you can sit down and discuss IN DETAIL your job requirements, your job do's/don'ts and every thing else you two seem top be butting heads about.

How this provider affords an assistant or two or how she runs her business is really not the issue and IMHO has no bearing on this issue other than you needing to know exactly what she wants you to do and not do while on HER clock.

The not getting paid minimum wage thing is another issue too but something YOU need to look into in order to address it as the payment details of your job are your business.

Bottom line, in almost 90% of ALL issues the root is lack of communication and it sounds like you and your employer need to sit down and talk.

Openly
Honestly
Now.

Good luck...hoping you are able to find a happy middle between the two of you or you are able to find other employment that doesn't come with so much confusion and stress.
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Old 10-17-2014, 06:40 AM
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The other assistant comes in for 3 hours on Thursday while the owner goes and teaches an aerobic dance class...

We're working on the swing sleeping, if he falls asleep in the swing we move him to his bassinet, but he only stays asleep for about 5-10 minutes then. It's another big hurdle right now... We're only working on it because we know if licensing came in it would be an issue, and clearly he'll outgrow it in a while. I don't know if that's why you said swing sleeping is a big no-no or if you were talking about just in general, but we know it's not allowed so it's something we're trying to remedy.
It is illegal here for a daycare owner to go work another job and let her assistant work at the daycare. The owner could go to a doctor's appointment or whatever but not work another paying job. I wonder if that is even legal where you are.

Laurel
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Old 10-17-2014, 06:47 AM
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Here too Laurel.
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Old 10-17-2014, 06:59 AM
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I've seriously tried about 100 times to get her to tell me EXACTLY what to do. I say, "ok, what time do you want to start naptime?" And "So you want to start just putting the boys down and not spending a minute on them? I'll do that if you want, just tell me" (after she goes on about how she wants them to be able to go to sleep on their own, and she doesn't think we need to respond to crying unless it's a real distress cry, yadda yadda.) Then she says "Oh I'm fine with spending a few minutes getting one down then bringing the other up..." It just goes in circles. I swear, I've gotten like creepily clear and she refuses to give in. Yesterday I said "ok what time should I bring them in for a snack?" (We were doing 11:00 but she started acting like that was too early, in a weird passive-aggressive way, so I asked very clearly). She said "oh I don't know, maybe a little closer to 11:30, just see how they're doing". (When I use my own judgment she doesn't believe me or thinks I'm being controlled by tantrums). I said "I'd rather you tell me a time and I'll just make it happen, I don't want to be wrong". She got wishy washy. I said "Ok, 11:30. I'll do whatever I have to do to make them last until then". (We have a difficult one who won't eat at meal or snacktime and gets starving and tantrumy right in between).

So there's a rambling example of what happens several times a day at this point.
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Old 10-17-2014, 07:21 AM
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I've seriously tried about 100 times to get her to tell me EXACTLY what to do. I say, "ok, what time do you want to start naptime?" And "So you want to start just putting the boys down and not spending a minute on them? I'll do that if you want, just tell me" (after she goes on about how she wants them to be able to go to sleep on their own, and she doesn't think we need to respond to crying unless it's a real distress cry, yadda yadda.) Then she says "Oh I'm fine with spending a few minutes getting one down then bringing the other up..." It just goes in circles. I swear, I've gotten like creepily clear and she refuses to give in. Yesterday I said "ok what time should I bring them in for a snack?" (We were doing 11:00 but she started acting like that was too early, in a weird passive-aggressive way, so I asked very clearly). She said "oh I don't know, maybe a little closer to 11:30, just see how they're doing". (When I use my own judgment she doesn't believe me or thinks I'm being controlled by tantrums). I said "I'd rather you tell me a time and I'll just make it happen, I don't want to be wrong". She got wishy washy. I said "Ok, 11:30. I'll do whatever I have to do to make them last until then". (We have a difficult one who won't eat at meal or snacktime and gets starving and tantrumy right in between).

So there's a rambling example of what happens several times a day at this point.
That sounds like a nightmare. Obviously she is still very green in this and it is effecting your entire world.

Can you afford to simply walk away? Maybe get a part-time job at night while your SO is home (assuming there is a SO who is working during the day as is most common )?
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Old 10-17-2014, 07:27 AM
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I've seriously tried about 100 times to get her to tell me EXACTLY what to do. I say, "ok, what time do you want to start naptime?" And "So you want to start just putting the boys down and not spending a minute on them? I'll do that if you want, just tell me" (after she goes on about how she wants them to be able to go to sleep on their own, and she doesn't think we need to respond to crying unless it's a real distress cry, yadda yadda.) Then she says "Oh I'm fine with spending a few minutes getting one down then bringing the other up..." It just goes in circles. I swear, I've gotten like creepily clear and she refuses to give in. Yesterday I said "ok what time should I bring them in for a snack?" (We were doing 11:00 but she started acting like that was too early, in a weird passive-aggressive way, so I asked very clearly). She said "oh I don't know, maybe a little closer to 11:30, just see how they're doing". (When I use my own judgment she doesn't believe me or thinks I'm being controlled by tantrums). I said "I'd rather you tell me a time and I'll just make it happen, I don't want to be wrong". She got wishy washy. I said "Ok, 11:30. I'll do whatever I have to do to make them last until then". (We have a difficult one who won't eat at meal or snacktime and gets starving and tantrumy right in between).

So there's a rambling example of what happens several times a day at this point.
If there is a need for child care in your area, why don't YOU find the agency that can give you the direction you need to go (paperwork etc....) and look into starting your own home daycare.

You are already home with your daughter, you seem to have the ability (knowing kid-stuff etc) and that way you can earn an income, care for your daughter in whatever way you want to and not have these issues.

You'll have a whole new set of them as daycare is never stress or worry free but atleast you'd have more control over the issues and the ability to know what to do.

I agree with Cat Herder, it seems to me this provider is just too green to lead.

She hasn't figured out her groove yet and because of that she is just a marble in a maze....

When and if she does find the right path, she might have a great program and need a great assistant but until then, YOU gotta do what's best for YOU and right now this situation just seems like it's way too complicated to muddle through when the rules and expectations are as clear as mud.
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Old 10-17-2014, 08:07 AM
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OP. have you done the math yet?

I don't want to harp because I fear I may come off as badgering, but I have your future interest at heart, I swear. I really think you would be better off going your own way. Your daughter will only LET you hold and comfort her for so long, don't let this job take that time from you. You can't get it back. BELIEVE me.

Here I can have two kids without being licensed. That would be $250 a week. Pure income.

Have you figured out what yours could be? Is it more than you are making now?? (Be sure to factor in the forgone expense of daycare, gasoline, inclement weather, vacation and sick days.)

Really give it some thought. Take this advice from someone who gave away the 5 months she had with her son thinking she could make it up later. He was only on this earth 5 months. Regret never goes away.
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Old 10-17-2014, 09:04 AM
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I've seriously tried about 100 times to get her to tell me EXACTLY what to do. I say, "ok, what time do you want to start naptime?" And "So you want to start just putting the boys down and not spending a minute on them? I'll do that if you want, just tell me" (after she goes on about how she wants them to be able to go to sleep on their own, and she doesn't think we need to respond to crying unless it's a real distress cry, yadda yadda.) Then she says "Oh I'm fine with spending a few minutes getting one down then bringing the other up..." It just goes in circles. I swear, I've gotten like creepily clear and she refuses to give in. Yesterday I said "ok what time should I bring them in for a snack?" (We were doing 11:00 but she started acting like that was too early, in a weird passive-aggressive way, so I asked very clearly). She said "oh I don't know, maybe a little closer to 11:30, just see how they're doing". (When I use my own judgment she doesn't believe me or thinks I'm being controlled by tantrums). I said "I'd rather you tell me a time and I'll just make it happen, I don't want to be wrong". She got wishy washy. I said "Ok, 11:30. I'll do whatever I have to do to make them last until then". (We have a difficult one who won't eat at meal or snacktime and gets starving and tantrumy right in between).

So there's a rambling example of what happens several times a day at this point.
I had someone come in to assist me a few hours a week and even though I was an experienced provider I found it a bit much to say exactly how I wanted things while doing what needed to be done at the same time. It isn't like an office where you can tell a worker to do a,b, and c and walk away. At home you start telling her a and you get distracted. I guess what I am saying is that I had a hard time training someone while I was actually doing the job. Plus I wasn't picky about things being just so-so anyway. So what happened is my assistant (a middle school,home schooled neighbor) was so perceptive. She stopped asking me what to do and just did what she thought I needed. She was really good. If she saw me struggling with feeding everyone and the baby was crying, she'd just get the baby food and start feeding the baby. So maybe you could go with something like that.

I sense she is against breast feeding at your daughters age also. While it wouldn't be my preference either, sorry, I wouldn't have agreed to it in the first place but that is water under the bridge now.

Hope this helps. It almost sounds like what I said above is what you are already doing but just in case it isn't, try it. Good luck.

Laurel
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Old 10-17-2014, 09:20 AM
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How long did it take? It's really hard to do, as he'll sleep forever in the swing, but almost no time in the bassinet. We raised his head a bit and nothin...

Anyway, I'm trying my daughter in the pnp again today, hopefully we'll just gently move into being able to put her down and say "night-night" and walk away... I doubt it, but maybe!
I have one now that only wanted to sleep in swing or stroller. I told parents absolutely no swing or stroller or activity seat even while awake. The baby can only be on flat surface. Said we would do this for a week or so. It has been working. I'm a few days in and there is so much improvement.
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Old 10-17-2014, 08:39 PM
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To give some background on me, my husband is unemployed, and doesn't seem interested in working (we're having a really hard time now, and who knows how long it'll last. So my stress level is already high which makes it hard to calmly try and figure out how to communicate with someone who is all over the place like the owner is).

I live in a one bedroom apartment with him, so I doubt it's a good setup to start a home daycare, but even if it was I'm seriously broke. That's part of why this situation is best for me; he is a musician who works a few times a month, traveling to other cities, and is totally unreliable as far as when he'll be home and whatnot. So I can't keep a "real" job (even if I could pay for daycare in addition to income) because too often I have to suddenly scramble for friends to watch my daughter or call in to work.

Anyway, that out of the way, I never realized that you could have a couple kids without being licensed. Is there anything you DO have to do? Maybe if I end up on my own it's something I could consider?
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Old 10-17-2014, 08:41 PM
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Cat Herder, I'm so sorry to hear about your baby... that's part of my resentment, that she doesn't seem to want to let me just enjoy this time with my daughter. WHY must some people push their opinions to such an extent as to cause stress in another mom's life, when they could just let them enjoy the cuddles?
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Old 10-17-2014, 09:50 PM
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Cat Herder, I'm so sorry to hear about your baby... that's part of my resentment, that she doesn't seem to want to let me just enjoy this time with my daughter. WHY must some people push their opinions to such an extent as to cause stress in another mom's life, when they could just let them enjoy the cuddles?
Although a nursing mom working in a daycare could be a big deal, I'd have to bet that at her age the nursing sessions are pretty short- just a little comfort session rather than a full-on feeding. (I nursed my youngest until just 14 months, but she was pretty fast already by then!) I hope it all works out for you and your family, sounds very stressful
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Old 10-17-2014, 09:58 PM
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Yes, any time she nurses aside from naptime (maybe once a day at this point) it's usually very short and I NEVER just stop and nurse unless I'm sure it's ok... like if the owner is there and the baby is asleep and she just has a toddler or two to watch, or I'm alone and the other kid(s) are content and definitely safe... and I have no problem stopping if something else needs to happen. It's not like I'm disappearing into a room or anchored to a couch for 30 minutes. It's no different from the amount of cuddle-time I give the others if they need it. Obviously, there's a bit of a different dynamic having my own kid there; if another kid gets needy you can bet she will too, and vice versa honestly. But I think I do a decent job of balancing, and most of the group toddler time falls on me.
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Old 10-18-2014, 07:22 AM
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Cat Herder, I'm so sorry to hear about your baby... that's part of my resentment, that she doesn't seem to want to let me just enjoy this time with my daughter. WHY must some people push their opinions to such an extent as to cause stress in another mom's life, when they could just let them enjoy the cuddles?
I'm Sorry Elko, but your statement rubs me the wrong way. If you want to enjoy this time, then stay home. You are in HER home. You are a PAID employee. If you don't like the way she makes you feel in HEr home and HER business then leave.

I have an assistant and she nurses her 13 month old. It is done discreetly and never impacts the other children's care. Whether of not I believe in extended breast feeding isn't the issue. If I felt the care of the other children was being compromised or I was doing more work because an assistant was nursing then yes I would have an issue.

It sounds like you have great ideas of how a daycare should be run and how things should be done. The owner is obviously not ready for someone with such great ideas (I mean that nicely, even though it might sound sarcastic). Elko- find another job. The owner sounds like she's overwhelmed and had found one thing to fixate on (your nursing) instead of having an honest conversation with you on how your original agreement is not working out.
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Old 10-18-2014, 08:15 AM
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I don't mean she should let me stop what I'm doing to cuddle, I mean she shouldn't try and cast a big mean shadow over my nursing relationship with my daughter in general. The only times I give my daughter one on one time are naptime and when she hurts herself or something; same as the other kids...
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Old 10-18-2014, 10:25 AM
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Cat Herder, I'm so sorry to hear about your baby... that's part of my resentment, that she doesn't seem to want to let me just enjoy this time with my daughter. WHY must some people push their opinions to such an extent as to cause stress in another mom's life, when they could just let them enjoy the cuddles?
Sorry, I agree with SAHM.

she doesn't seem to want to let me just enjoy this time with my daughter.

WHY must some people push their opinions to such an extent as to cause stress in another mom's life, when they could just let them enjoy the cuddles?


You are there to work , not spend quality time with your daughter. You make it seem as though she is a guest in your home or a random stranger that is disagreeing with your parenting style and preventing from raising your daughter as you please. You are at work! While you are at work you are not, as you put it, a mom who is being caused stress for wanting to enjoy cuddles! You are an employee! Cuddle at home!

I have to say, up until now you were persuading me to see your point. After this comment you now sound just like every other daycare parent that wants special things for their child in daycare and "don't understand why it's such a big deal"

"I don't see why she just doesn't let my child walk around with his blanket all day, it isn't hurting anyone"

"I don't see why my child can't come to daycare with donuts for breakfast, it isn't a big deal"

"I don't understand why my child isn't allowed to play at naptime if he doesn't want to nap"

"I don't see why she won't allow my child to eat mac and cheese everyday if he doesn't like the meal"

"I don't see why I can't come into the daycare and spend quality time with my child on my lunch break"

"I don't see the big deal if I want to come and nurse my child on my lunch break and then play with my child even though it's nap time"

Right now you just sounded like every other one of these parents. By the way the above are all topics that have been discussed on this forum (or very close to it) and many more like them and they ARE a big deal.

Right now you are seeing it from the view of the parent who wants special things allowed for her child in a GROUP setting, and you can't understand why it is a problem, just like all the other parents we vent about.

You are not seeing it from the eyes of the daycare provider or ASSISTANT, who would also tend to agree with the provider, because you are the PARENT wanting SPECIAL. Sorry to say, but no matter what opinions are shared you will quite likely never see the other point of view beside your own.

You say it is no different than the cuddles the other children receive. It is a HUGE difference because the other children are not cuddling with their Mama and spending quality one on one time! I guarantee they would LOVE to have their moms there to cuddle with instead of the daycare assistant.

I don't think you realize how lucky you are to have been given the opportunity to do this as long as you have. Just like any other parent, SPECIAL becomes EXPECTED. And when it becomes a problem in the daycare and is no longer allowed the parents get bent out shape, and if you read a lot of these threads, they end up leaving the daycare because they can't do as they please.

Again, I realize this was the agreed upon arrangement. But it is not working and your employer, in so many words, wants it to stop. Like every new daycare provider she isn't sure how to handle every situation and isn't coming across the right way. But it is CLEAR that it isn't working within the daycare.

Not trying to offend, just sharing my opinion.

You did have me going for a while though, making your employer out to be the bad guy
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Old 10-18-2014, 11:02 AM
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I don't mean she should let me stop what I'm doing to cuddle, I mean she shouldn't try and cast a big mean shadow over my nursing relationship with my daughter in general. The only times I give my daughter one on one time are naptime and when she hurts herself or something; same as the other kids...
She is not the same as the other kids. The other kids’ spots are a source of income for your boss.
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Old 10-18-2014, 11:08 AM
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Sorry, I agree with SAHM.

she doesn't seem to want to let me just enjoy this time with my daughter.

WHY must some people push their opinions to such an extent as to cause stress in another mom's life, when they could just let them enjoy the cuddles?


You are there to work , not spend quality time with your daughter. You make it seem as though she is a guest in your home or a random stranger that is disagreeing with your parenting style and preventing from raising your daughter as you please. You are at work! While you are at work you are not, as you put it, a mom who is being caused stress for wanting to enjoy cuddles! You are an employee! Cuddle at home!

I have to say, up until now you were persuading me to see your point. After this comment you now sound just like every other daycare parent that wants special things for their child in daycare and "don't understand why it's such a big deal"

"I don't see why she just doesn't let my child walk around with his blanket all day, it isn't hurting anyone"

"I don't see why my child can't come to daycare with donuts for breakfast, it isn't a big deal"

"I don't understand why my child isn't allowed to play at naptime if he doesn't want to nap"

"I don't see why she won't allow my child to eat mac and cheese everyday if he doesn't like the meal"

"I don't see why I can't come into the daycare and spend quality time with my child on my lunch break"

"I don't see the big deal if I want to come and nurse my child on my lunch break and then play with my child even though it's nap time"

Right now you just sounded like every other one of these parents. By the way the above are all topics that have been discussed on this forum (or very close to it) and many more like them and they ARE a big deal.

Right now you are seeing it from the view of the parent who wants special things allowed for her child in a GROUP setting, and you can't understand why it is a problem, just like all the other parents we vent about.

You are not seeing it from the eyes of the daycare provider or ASSISTANT, who would also tend to agree with the provider, because you are the PARENT wanting SPECIAL. Sorry to say, but no matter what opinions are shared you will quite likely never see the other point of view beside your own.

You say it is no different than the cuddles the other children receive. It is a HUGE difference because the other children are not cuddling with their Mama and spending quality one on one time! If guarantee they would LOVE to have their moms there to cuddle with instead of the daycare assistant.

I don't think you realize how lucky you are to have been given the opportunity to do this as long as you have. Just like any other parent, SPECIAL becomes EXPECTED. And when it becomes a problem in the daycare and is no longer allowed the parents get bent out shape, and if you read a lot of these threads, they end up leaving the daycare because they can't do as they please.

Again, I realize this was the agreed upon arrangement. But it is not working and your employer, in so many words, wants it to stop. Like every new daycare provider she isn't sure how to handle every situation and isn't coming across the right way. But it is CLEAR that it isn't working within the daycare.

Not trying to offend, just sharing my opinion.

You did have me going for a while though, making your employer out to be the bad guy
I think what she explained was that comment was about her boss making her feel bad for extended nursing, period. Not just doing it at work, by that she's making comments about her boss' negative view of extended nursing completely. And that she was just stating her feelings that extended nursing is a way to bond with a child.
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Old 10-18-2014, 12:48 PM
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I know it's not the same, I just meant I spend the same amount of time as I do on the other kids.

I get that it's different, and of course I don't think a kid should get special treatment in theory, but I don't really know how to change that as I AM her mom, and I AM there. I can't pretend I'm not there. If it wasn't nursing but it was just a few minutes of rocking, would that be considered better because it was the EXACT same action the other kids got?
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Old 10-18-2014, 12:50 PM
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You might have missed my reply to SAHM
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Old 10-18-2014, 01:32 PM
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I know it's not the same, I just meant I spend the same amount of time as I do on the other kids.

I get that it's different, and of course I don't think a kid should get special treatment in theory, but I don't really know how to change that as I AM her mom, and I AM there. I can't pretend I'm not there. If it wasn't nursing but it was just a few minutes of rocking, would that be considered better because it was the EXACT same action the other kids got?
You guys ROCK the dck's to sleep?
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Old 10-18-2014, 01:34 PM
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You might have missed my reply to SAHM
Nope, I saw it

Seems like throughout this conversation you say something then put your foot in your mouth when you realize what you actually said and how it will be taken by others in the profession

At any rate I definitely agree with the others that you need to have a good talk with your employer and straighten things out. You both need to lay everything out on the table as to what each of you thought you were getting into when you both agreed to this arrangement. It doesn't seem to be working well for either of you.

I am not condemning you for wanting to spend time with your daughter and enjoy each and every minute with her. I feel the same way about my kids, believe me. That's the biggest reason why I have a daycare in my home

I am not saying you are wrong for wanting to cuddle or breastfeed or anything else, just that it isn't working. You came here for advice and perspective. I'm giving another perspective
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Old 10-18-2014, 01:47 PM
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Why can't she stay with her Dad while you work? As infrequently as he works and his profession being an evening job... she should be able to stay with him exclusively. That would solve a lot of the issues
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Old 10-18-2014, 01:58 PM
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Why can't she stay with her Dad while you work? As infrequently as he works and his profession being an evening job... she should be able to stay with him exclusively. That would solve a lot of the issues


Yes, then the employer would have to pay you more since your child isn't in care and you would be bringing in more money
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Old 10-18-2014, 03:20 PM
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No you're right, I do want perspective, I'm just bad at being clear upfront and always feel the need to explain things. I definitely don't think I'm completely in the right but do have a hard time not getting a little defensive...

My husband's work is not reliable, in that most of his gigs are in another city or state, so he always has to spend the night, and about half the time doesn't make it home the next day or whenever he planned to. I had a job that I had to quit because I had to scramble or call off too many times...
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Old 10-18-2014, 03:23 PM
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Why can't she stay with her Dad while you work? As infrequently as he works and his profession being an evening job... she should be able to stay with him exclusively. That would solve a lot of the issues
At the risk of making assumptions based on Elko's description of Dad, I'd say that's NO!
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Old 10-18-2014, 03:27 PM
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No you're right, I do want perspective, I'm just bad at being clear upfront and always feel the need to explain things. I definitely don't think I'm completely in the right but do have a hard time not getting a little defensive...

My husband's work is not reliable, in that most of his gigs are in another city or state, so he always has to spend the night, and about half the time doesn't make it home the next day or whenever he planned to. I had a job that I had to quit because I had to scramble or call off too many times...
He only works a few times a month though and weekends have to be a part of that. He should be able to keep her the vast majority of the time. Working without her present is your best solution. Daddy is free and they can have wonderful Daddy Daughter time. You can invest solely into the other kids to make her life easy.

Just don't give him an option. He needs to keep her so you can.work. she's two so she can easily go without the breast. She's way beyond infancy.
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Old 10-18-2014, 03:53 PM
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Ok I've avoided taking the bait about whether she needs to nurse, and I'm going to continue avoiding it.

I've lived with my husband for 8 years, I know that I can't just "make him do it". (I know that's not a direct quote). For various reasons I don't want to leave her with him.

I'm getting the idea that it's just not going to work, and I understand that. Just feeling frustrated, because she wouldn't or won't ever be clear with me, but I think it's clear that it's only a matter of time before she tells me it's not working out. Or, maybe she's just hoping I quit but I can't afford to at all!

I did want to see if anyone has dealt with this situation, and if it worked out at all. If so, I'd ask for details on how, so I could present that to her. I keep thinking that as long as I help her get the other kids down or just do it myself, and make sure she's not burdened by anyone at all or anyone more than just an infant, it shouldn't be an issue if I go take some time with my daughter.

Apparently that just wouldn't work, or maybe you just mean that it most likely wouldn't end up working that way. It does 99% of the time, but the very few times it doesn't are sure to stick in her mind.

Oh, and yes, we spend a couple minutes bouncing or rocking the toddlers who need it and putting them down.
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Old 10-18-2014, 03:59 PM
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Is someone trying to bait you on that topic? I think extended nursing is for a whole other thread.

Eta, I browsed back through and couldn't find anyone directly challenging your right to nurse. But I do see where some are implying that a child her age does not NEED to nurse. And that is true. At this point, it's a comfort thing that could be curbed during work hours.
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Old 10-18-2014, 04:14 PM
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I wonder what your employers reaction would be if you mentioned that you are CONSIDERING leaving your daughter with dad sometimes . Perhaps she won't like the idea because she would have to pay you at least minimum .
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Old 10-18-2014, 04:14 PM
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To the OP:
To me it appears that you have two conflicting needs.

1. To be with your child, including the need to comfort nurse her.
2. To work.

You have to figure out which need takes precedence, and then take action accordingly.

That's all I got
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Old 10-18-2014, 04:20 PM
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Ok I've avoided taking the bait about whether she needs to nurse, and I'm going to continue avoiding it.

I've lived with my husband for 8 years, I know that I can't just "make him do it". (I know that's not a direct quote). For various reasons I don't want to leave her with him.

I'm getting the idea that it's just not going to work, and I understand that. Just feeling frustrated, because she wouldn't or won't ever be clear with me, but I think it's clear that it's only a matter of time before she tells me it's not working out. Or, maybe she's just hoping I quit but I can't afford to at all!

I did want to see if anyone has dealt with this situation, and if it worked out at all. If so, I'd ask for details on how, so I could present that to her. I keep thinking that as long as I help her get the other kids down or just do it myself, and make sure she's not burdened by anyone at all or anyone more than just an infant, it shouldn't be an issue if I go take some time with my daughter.

Apparently that just wouldn't work, or maybe you just mean that it most likely wouldn't end up working that way. It does 99% of the time, but the very few times it doesn't are sure to stick in her mind.

Oh, and yes, we spend a couple minutes bouncing or rocking the toddlers who need it and putting them down.
Bait?

You are addressing a forum of child care providers. We know a two year old can drink out of a cup and eat food. You may decide she needs to nurse but we know developmentally she is a table food eater and a cup drinker.

You won't leave her with her Father? If that helps you secure your job and pleases your boss then you get up, get dressed, tell him you are leaving, and go to work.

I can sense why your employer is frustrated because very simple solutions are available and you say no to them.

Now I'm not wonking on you. You seem sweet and you obviously need a job. Do what you have to do to keep this job until more money comes along. Her Dad is home. He's unemployed. He is her Father. Your kid is two. She can eat a meal and drink liquid.

All three of you have to do something you don't prefer to put food on the table and a roof over your head. So what? That's real life. Your daughter will be fine. Daddy will care for his little sweetie and you will be the employee she needs while you look for a deal that works better for the three of you. In the meantime ya gotta suck it up and do what you have to do.
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Old 10-18-2014, 04:58 PM
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OP. have you done the math yet?

I don't want to harp because I fear I may come off as badgering, but I have your future interest at heart, I swear. I really think you would be better off going your own way. Your daughter will only LET you hold and comfort her for so long, don't let this job take that time from you. You can't get it back. BELIEVE me.

Here I can have two kids without being licensed. That would be $250 a week. Pure income.

Have you figured out what yours could be? Is it more than you are making now?? (Be sure to factor in the forgone expense of daycare, gasoline, inclement weather, vacation and sick days.)

Really give it some thought. Take this advice from someone who gave away the 5 months she had with her son thinking she could make it up later. He was only on this earth 5 months. Regret never goes away.

I'm so sorry Cat Herder.

I completely agree with this. Maybe OP should look into doing child care in her own place, especially if you're getting paid less than minimum wage now. Plus, something to consider is the fact that this provider is just starting out and has just a few kids. If it doesn't pick up soon for her, she may very well let you go anyways. Best for you to prepared!
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Old 10-18-2014, 09:38 PM
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OP-I don't think anyone was criticizing your choice to nurse. I think they were just saying that she doesn't NEED to nurse from a nutritional standpoint.

I also get the impression that the Daddy situation is more complicated, and you don't feel safe leaving her with him.

If it's just laziness on his part, kick him in the butt. If it's because you are concerned about neglect or abuse, then I think the extended BFing argument is a blip on her life's radar.

If you want to keep working there and take her with you, can you just keep the nursing to before and after work hours? I know a lot of people with older nursing children who are not ready to give it up entirely just reduce the times they BF.

You probably feel a little like this woman is bullying you out of doing what you feel is right. We've all already guessed that she THOUGHT she'd be ok with it, but reality didn't fit her expectations.

Look at it this way: If you worked at a job that didn't allow your LO to come along, you'd be allowed to pump milk, but then you wouldn't be physically present with your LO. I think your being THERE, but not able to BF her during work hours would be preferable. Unless you come up with a better option, it's all you've got until then, right?
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Old 10-19-2014, 03:25 AM
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Just skipped a lot of responses to update: I got my husband to say he'd keep my daughter home at least 3 days a week! We'll see if it really works that way, but I texted my boss to let her know... hopefully that fixes it!
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Old 10-19-2014, 03:32 AM
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I'm perfectly aware of what she's getting from nursing, and pointing out that it's "only" for comfort and "not necessary from a nutritional standpoint" IS criticizing me, and very condescending. Trust me, someone who is still nursing a 2 year old is generally at least somewhat educated on the subject, and used to recognizing criticism

I have already cut down the amount of times I nurse her during the day, but you must realize it's not as simple as "just stop nursing her at work". If I just stopped, there would be a lot more disruption than there is now.

I'll find out if she's ok with dealing with it just a couple days a week; I would think that would lessen the pressure on both of us. Also, maybe I can look into whether she can file an exception for my daughter? I've seen it mentioned on this site; maybe that would make it so she could open up another spot...
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Old 10-19-2014, 04:34 AM
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I'm perfectly aware of what she's getting from nursing, and pointing out that it's "only" for comfort and "not necessary from a nutritional standpoint" IS criticizing me, and very condescending. Trust me, someone who is still nursing a 2 year old is generally at least somewhat educated on the subject, and used to recognizing criticism

I have already cut down the amount of times I nurse her during the day, but you must realize it's not as simple as "just stop nursing her at work". If I just stopped, there would be a lot more disruption than there is now.

I'll find out if she's ok with dealing with it just a couple days a week; I would think that would lessen the pressure on both of us. Also, maybe I can look into whether she can file an exception for my daughter? I've seen it mentioned on this site; maybe that would make it so she could open up another spot...
You are choosing to be offended. That's your choice but it has no merit as far as I have read in this post. This doesn't have a thing to do with breastfeeding.

Your kid is two. She has teeth. She can drink out of a cup. She has an unemployed dad and was born into a family where her mom has to make money. That is her current real life status.

She doesn't have the luxury to breast feed during her moms time to make money without challenging the job that mom makes the money from. So what? She is going to have WAY WAY WAY bigger problems if her mom can't make money.

This is SO easy to figure out. Look at her life and see her situation for what it is. She may not be able to breastfeed while you are making money but she will have a roof over her head and food in her belly.

If you do child care and have kids, your kid is going to have to make sacrifices. All of our kids have. It ain't perfect but it's not a bad gig. If she has food, clothing, and shelter her basic needs are being met. If you have to pump milk for her to give her the nutrition you want her to have then that's what you have to do. She can have the milk and you can make money. This is such a low level problem compared to other issues our kids face when we do child care.

When your boss allows a sick kid in the house and your kid ends up in the emergency room at 2am, believe me, the comfort nursing issue is going to seem like a teeny tiny blip on your work sacrifice radar.

If you are trying to impose your breastfeeding "rights" on your employer and requiring ANY attention because of your choice, she is going to fight back. It doesn't have a thing to do with the job and forcing it into time or energy is going to cause issues.

You choose to extend feed. That's your choice. You can garner attention and take up the cause in online groups and local meetings. It's something to DO in your parenting and you will find a ton of support for it. Just keep it out of your job until you find one that puts your daughters breastfeeding first and your work second. You CAN find that job. You just have to find the employer willing to DO extended breastfeeding as a part of the job. This lady isn't that employer.
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Old 10-19-2014, 06:32 AM
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You are choosing to be offended. That's your choice but it has no merit as far as I have read in this post. This doesn't have a thing to do with breastfeeding.

Your kid is two. She has teeth. She can drink out of a cup. She has an unemployed dad and was born into a family where her mom has to make money. That is her current real life status.

She doesn't have the luxury to breast feed during her moms time to make money without challenging the job that mom makes the money from. So what? She is going to have WAY WAY WAY bigger problems if her mom can't make money.

This is SO easy to figure out. Look at her life and see her situation for what it is. She may not be able to breastfeed while you are making money but she will have a roof over her head and food in her belly.

If you do child care and have kids, your kid is going to have to make sacrifices. All of our kids have. It ain't perfect but it's not a bad gig. If she has food, clothing, and shelter her basic needs are being met. If you have to pump milk for her to give her the nutrition you want her to have then that's what you have to do. She can have the milk and you can make money. This is such a low level problem compared to other issues our kids face when we do child care.

When your boss allows a sick kid in the house and your kid ends up in the emergency room at 2am, believe me, the comfort nursing issue is going to seem like a teeny tiny blip on your work sacrifice radar.

If you are trying to impose your breastfeeding "rights" on your employer and requiring ANY attention because of your choice, she is going to fight back. It doesn't have a thing to do with the job and forcing it into time or energy is going to cause issues.

You choose to extend feed. That's your choice. You can garner attention and take up the cause in online groups and local meetings. It's something to DO in your parenting and you will find a ton of support for it. Just keep it out of your job until you find one that puts your daughters breastfeeding first and your work second. You CAN find that job. You just have to find the employer willing to DO extended breastfeeding as a part of the job. This lady isn't that employer.
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Old 10-19-2014, 06:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Elko View Post
I'm perfectly aware of what she's getting from nursing, and pointing out that it's "only" for comfort and "not necessary from a nutritional standpoint" IS criticizing me, and very condescending. Trust me, someone who is still nursing a 2 year old is generally at least somewhat educated on the subject, and used to recognizing criticism

I have already cut down the amount of times I nurse her during the day, but you must realize it's not as simple as "just stop nursing her at work". If I just stopped, there would be a lot more disruption than there is now.

I'll find out if she's ok with dealing with it just a couple days a week; I would think that would lessen the pressure on both of us. Also, maybe I can look into whether she can file an exception for my daughter? I've seen it mentioned on this site; maybe that would make it so she could open up another spot...
Sounds like you're working on a solution. I hope it all works out for you.
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Old 10-19-2014, 06:52 AM
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I guess I just feel like if I spent the time I spend nursing just cuddling instead it wouldn't be the same problem... Maybe I'm not trying hard enough, maybe I really need to give NO one-on-one attention to her while I'm at work?

Again, I don't get breaks, so there really aren't official times I could use. If she were putting all the other kids down with no time spent helping them, and I was the ONLY one with a kid who needed a few minutes, it would be more obvious. But that's not what's happening.

Hopefully taking it down to 2-3 times a week will make it less of an issue.
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Old 10-19-2014, 10:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Elko View Post
I guess I just feel like if I spent the time I spend nursing just cuddling instead it wouldn't be the same problem.
Sounds like you found a solution to your problem Sometimes we just have to talk it out to find out the answer for ourselves
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Old 10-19-2014, 11:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Elko View Post
I know it's not the same, I just meant I spend the same amount of time as I do on the other kids.

I get that it's different, and of course I don't think a kid should get special treatment in theory, but I don't really know how to change that as I AM her mom, and I AM there. I can't pretend I'm not there. If it wasn't nursing but it was just a few minutes of rocking, would that be considered better because it was the EXACT same action the other kids got?
The only way an assistant could work for me and bring her child if the child in question was treated no differently than the other kids, breastfeeding (outside of break time included).

By the way I have allowed staff to bring their kids if the ratios allowed it. If their kid was high maintenance and needed mommy for extended periods of the shift. I’d send the staff in question home if the numbers allowed. If not, she would not get anymore work assignments from me. I paid $20 to $25 an hour.

In reality your kid is getting special treatment in your work situation.
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Old 10-19-2014, 11:37 AM
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It can be hard to stop breastfeeding. There is a bond there that sometimes moms are afraid they will not find anywhere else. Often it is more difficult for the mom to stop breastfeeding than it is for the child. Sounds like this may be the case. I'm not saying you should stop, just not at work.

I think you have gotten used to this and want it to continue, telling yourself that your daughter needs this bfing and cuddle time because it's what she knows, when in reality your daughter will be just fine

You will miss it. But it happens. Kids grow. I miss my kids being babies so much! But you will find other ways to bond her. When you get home from work you will have a new cuddle time together because you haven't seen her all day and that will be just as special.
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Old 10-19-2014, 01:34 PM
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Yeah, that's a common argument, that it's more for the mom than it is for the child, usually made by people who never breastfed. Not always though...

That's not how it works though, and I'm not looking for advice on how or why I shouldn't be diing it. Just wondered if it would seem like an issue to other daycare providers and clearly it would
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Old 10-19-2014, 02:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Elko View Post
Yeah, that's a common argument, that it's more for the mom than it is for the child, usually made by people who never breastfed. Not always though...
Ummm yeah....not always

You are making assumptions now

Hope it works out for you
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Old 10-19-2014, 02:18 PM
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Ok, I'LL take the bait. Lol.

You seem to be saying that your daughter NEEDS to breastfeed, and we aren't getting why she needs it. And we aren't, because it's no longer needed for nutrition. If she's staying home with your husband 3 days per week, she won't be breastfed during the day for those 3 days. So you, too, obviously recognize that she doesn't need it, or you wouldn't leave her with dad.

What I'm getting at is, why do you think she still needs to nurse if you know it's not for nutrition and it's causing issues in your workplace? That's not rhetorical, I truly am curious. You are alluding to some reason for her need to breastfeed, but we aren't getting it.

I know this isn't the topic of this thread, but it keeps being subtly brought up and dropped, so I figured I'd just lay it out there and ask directly.

Also, I breastfed 2 of my children, so I do understand what comes with it. But I'm not understanding why, at 2, you feel it's still a requirement.
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Old 10-19-2014, 02:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Wednesday View Post
Ok, I'LL take the bait. Lol.

You seem to be saying that your daughter NEEDS to breastfeed, and we aren't getting why she needs it. And we aren't, because it's no longer needed for nutrition. If she's staying home with your husband 3 days per week, she won't be breastfed during the day for those 3 days. So you, too, obviously recognize that she doesn't need it, or you wouldn't leave her with dad.

What I'm getting at is, why do you think she still needs to nurse if you know it's not for nutrition and it's causing issues in your workplace? That's not rhetorical, I truly am curious. You are alluding to some reason for her need to breastfeed, but we aren't getting it.

I know this isn't the topic of this thread, but it keeps being subtly brought up and dropped, so I figured I'd just lay it out there and ask directly.

Also, I breastfed 2 of my children, so I do understand what comes with it. But I'm not understanding why, at 2, you feel it's still a requirement.
Mom is having separation anxiety (this is my educated guess). It happens to all of us who breastfeed (maybe not ALL, but most). We miss it when it's over.

Mom needs to realize the following "I am having a hard time weaning my daughter because I love the bond we have". There is nothing wrong with that. We understand that. No one is pointing blame, we've been there. But it isn't working out in the workplace

If this weren't the issue and the issue was that mom just wanted her daughter to receive the nutrients from breast milk, then she would solve her own problems by pumping and working without her child to begin with. Then she could work without all the stress from her employer, make more money because her child isn't there, and her child still receives the breastmilk
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Old 10-19-2014, 02:39 PM
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To me it still appears that you have two conflicting needs. Only you can figure out which takes precedence, but most likely one will take precedence, whether by your choice or your employers.

1. To be with your child, including the need to comfort nurse her.
OR
2. To work.

You have to figure out which need takes precedence, and then take action accordingly.

I'll add that I did breastfeed my child. Until three years of age. But not on demand past toddler age.
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Old 10-19-2014, 02:51 PM
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I'm not a daycare provider, but a mom of a toddler. She goes to preschool in a group care setting, but I would pull her from if one of the teachers was a nursing mom who expected to nurse while she was supposed to be supervising my child and others. I am surprised that your employer allowed it at all. I am not against breastfeeding. I chose to breastfeed until she was 12 months old (took 4 months FMLA (my state, Tennessee, allows it), rearranged my schedule for an early lunch then pumped once in my office in the afternoon). I even kept breastfeeding at bedtime til she wanted to stop on her own, which was about 2 months later. However, I would not let my child stay in a situation you are describing. I would put her somewhere that the teachers (or providers and assistants) did not have the conflicting role of being a breastfeeding mom while on duty. Sorry. I do hope it works out for you, but I agree with the others, this is not the right situation for you, your family, your employer and (at least in my opinion) the other children in your care.
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Old 10-19-2014, 03:01 PM
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Originally Posted by lblanke View Post
I'm not a daycare provider, but a mom of a toddler. She goes to preschool in a group care setting, but I would pull her from if one of the teachers was a nursing mom who expected to nurse while she was supposed to be supervising my child and others. I am surprised that your employer allowed it at all. I am not against breastfeeding. I chose to breastfeed until she was 12 months old (took 4 months FMLA (my state, Tennessee, allows it), rearranged my schedule for an early lunch then pumped once in my office in the afternoon). I even kept breastfeeding at bedtime til she wanted to stop on her own, which was about 2 months later. However, I would not let my child stay in a situation you are describing. I would put her somewhere that the teachers (or providers and assistants) did not have the conflicting role of being a breastfeeding mom while on duty. Sorry. I do hope it works out for you, but I agree with the others, this is not the right situation for you, your family, your employer and (at least in my opinion) the other children in your care.


I also wanted to raise this point, but I think I did enough damage

Good to hear from a non daycare provider parent on the matter.
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Old 10-19-2014, 03:46 PM
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If you keep your daughter out three days a week then you need to get paid more. Please let her know that since you now have to find other arrangements for your child then the agreement has changed and you expect more pay. Part of your compensation was that your daughter was allowed to come. Now she will owe you more money. The reason I'm opening my daycare is so that I can spend more time with my kids. They grow up so fast and you only get this time once.
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Old 10-19-2014, 03:58 PM
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If I were in your shoes though I would grow my backbone as they say on here and keep doing what I'm doing and ignore her. You never know, she might not have a problem with it but you feel like she does but it could be something else. Her life might have problems right now. But if she requests that I leave my child somewhere else then I would use my other childcare option and request more pay. To me an agreement is an agreement.
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Old 10-19-2014, 04:09 PM
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Originally Posted by ACH247 View Post
If you keep your daughter out three days a week then you need to get paid more. Please let her know that since you now have to find other arrangements for your child then the agreement has changed and you expect more pay. Part of your compensation was that your daughter was allowed to come. Now she will owe you more money. The reason I'm opening my daycare is so that I can spend more time with my kids. They grow up so fast and you only get this time once.
Where did she say bringing the child was part of a lower wage?

The employer may have agreed to it because she couldn't find a worker who didn't want a kid in tow. She may not have had an employee with their kid there before. You don't know what kind of fresh hell that is until you have been the employer in that arrangement. Now she knows and she can't manage it. I couldn't handle her arrangement. I would never want a breastfed staff assistant baby in my house. The conflict would come on day one.
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Old 10-19-2014, 06:49 PM
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To the OP, bf seems to be a sensitive topic for you and you are not able to discuss the topic without being offended. I don't think anyone here is judging your choice to bf as wrong, they are simply discussing needs and priorities. If you can not discuss the bf issue openly here with anonymous strangers than I do not see how you can have a healthy discussion with your employer about it. The root of your problem seems to be at your perceived offense that your employer has with you bf'ing and your lack of communication with her in regards to it. Your problem has nothing to do with all the other tasks she or you have on a daily basis.
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Old 10-19-2014, 06:55 PM
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She's not breastfeeding completely on demand anymore, just for naps and "major" incidents, like if she hurts herself.

That's why I don't feel that it's that different from the other kids, but as I've mentioned, I know I don't have the clearest idea of how someone else would take it. The other parents know I still nurse and haven't had any issue with it, as their kids are all doing well and we all talk to each other when we have the chance.

As for why I still nurse, I'm fine with spending some time talking about it. There is a lot of info online for the general benefits of nursing past infancy (I'm sure you've read about it, but here's a good link http://www.examiner.com/article/50-r...d-your-toddler)

Personally, I never planned on nursing past 1 year, and assumed a lot of things that ended up being completely different by the time I got to know my baby. For instance, I figured I'd get her on a schedule of eating and sleeping and I wouldn't be one of "those" parents whose life is totally taken over by their child's needs

When she turned out to be a semi-crappy sleeper, I spent a lot of time reading about different sleep-training methods, and most info I got made me think I just needed to find the right way to get her to learn to self-soothe and sleep on her own. By 5 months, I finally realized none of it felt "right" to me when it came to my situation, and my baby. I ended up going full-hippie ( ) and started co-sleeping, and decided that since sleep training wasn't working for us and I wasn't comfortable letting her cry it out, I committed to continuing to give her what she needed as far as help going to sleep. I knew she would learn to self-soothe and put herself to sleep in her own time, and I'm seeing real progress of it happening now. Mind you, it's slow going, and I knew it wouldn't always work with other peoples' lives if it came to that, so that's where we are now.

The roadblock I'm hitting is that it feels like I'm expected to put her in the pack and play and leave her to cry her head off just because this lady isn't comfortable with how I'm parenting her. My confusion lies in the fact that while I see our situation as not really causing much inconvenience, especially in comparison to the other kids, clearly that's not how she sees it.

I'm hoping if it's not happening every single day it will ease the feelings of stress and resentment between both of us, and the owner will be more willing to help me out by maybe taking some time with my daughter to help her become comfortable going to sleep for her at daycare (as the breastfeeders may know, many breastfed children will not accept another form of comfort from the mom if she's there). That way it can be more free-flowing and either of us can put any of the kids down without it feeling like mine needs me and only me...

Does this make sense?
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Old 10-19-2014, 07:02 PM
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When I started, she told me she couldn't pay me much, and the fact that I could bring my child should hopefully be an incentive. It's still come up many times when she's given me small raises that still keep me under minimum wage.

I, like anyone, do get sensitive when told that my perfectly legitimate way of doing things is "not necessary" and should stop. Of course I understand that everything can't always go my way, but I don't think coming at it in a different manner, with some understanding and sympathy, would really be that hard. Like "You are doing what is best for you and your baby, sometimes outside influences can make it hard or impossible to continue doing things in the way that would be best, and that can be hard." Yes, I'm a bit of a baby, and like to have my hand held a little more than a lot of people

But, being told that there's no way it can work, and that I should consider it a luxury to be able to do something that is pretty basic, definitely counts as criticism. I really do try hard to make sure she doesn't receive any special treatment, but is that really totally possible for a mom working in a daycare? That must be a struggle for anyone in my situation, even if nursing isn't involved...?
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Old 10-19-2014, 07:11 PM
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OP, it is hard for any Co sleeper to adjust to daycare, especially one that has their mom in the daycare with them. You may be opposed to letting her cry it out but how would you deal with another child there screaming when put down? Do any of the other children cry when put down? Do they cry for a long time? You want your employer to fix this problem by having her deal with your child that can't settle? Your employer is not getting paid to watch your child so I don't think she should have to deal with it at all. And if all the other kids are going down and your child (the one she doesn't get any income from) is the only one not adjusting, that is a problem. Doesn't make you a bad parent. It does leave you with an issue to resolve, not your employer.
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Old 10-19-2014, 07:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Elko View Post
When I started, she told me she couldn't pay me much, and the fact that I could bring my child should hopefully be an incentive. It's still come up many times when she's given me small raises that still keep me under minimum wage.

I, like anyone, do get sensitive when told that my perfectly legitimate way of doing things is "not necessary" and should stop. Of course I understand that everything can't always go my way, but I don't think coming at it in a different manner, with some understanding and sympathy, would really be that hard. Like "You are doing what is best for you and your baby, sometimes outside influences can make it hard or impossible to continue doing things in the way that would be best, and that can be hard." Yes, I'm a bit of a baby, and like to have my hand held a little more than a lot of people

But, being told that there's no way it can work, and that I should consider it a luxury to be able to do something that is pretty basic, definitely counts as criticism. I really do try hard to make sure she doesn't receive any special treatment, but is that really totally possible for a mom working in a daycare? That must be a struggle for anyone in my situation, even if nursing isn't involved...?
I still don't think you are "hearing" us. No one is telling you to stop. Just that it isn't working at your job. Also the only "not necessary references" were to point out that it is not necessary for her survival. As in, if she were under a year old and this were her only means of eating, then it would be necessary for you to nurse her, or to pump.

I should consider it a luxury to be able to do something that is pretty basic, definitely counts as criticism
You are taking it out of context. It IS a luxury that you have been able to work AND comfort breastfeed your child at the same time. ANYONE would agree to that! How many people do you know that have jobs that allow them to breastfeed during working hours? I have a part time job. I can't imagine the reaction I would get if I asked my boss if I could bring my child in to breastfeed for comfort or on demand.

You said you want someone to say "You are doing what is best for you and your baby, sometimes outside influences can make it hard or impossible to continue doing things in the way that would be best, and that can be hard." Isn't this what we have been saying???? Maybe not in the exact words you are looking for, but if you already know these exact words then I'm not sure what else you are looking for.

Most of us are mothers and many of us have breastfed, so it isn't a matter of being against working mothers or breastfeeding. It's about what does or doesn't work in a daycare.
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