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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Not sure what to do with DCG :(
Binkybobo 11:57 AM 06-06-2013
I have a daycare girl signed up for Summer who is a Jehovah's Witness. She doesn't celebrate holidays or birthdays. i'm not quite sure what to do with her because I always throw BIG parties for holidays. I get very excited about it, and I don't want the other kids to miss this. When I was in elementary there was a little girl of the same faith in my class, and the teacher always made her sit out in the hallway when we had parties or holiday crafts. 
It was like she was in trouble, but she hadn't done anything wrong. Any ideas? Have any of you dealt with this?
It was like she was in trouble, but she hadn't done anything wrong. Any ideas? Have any of you dealt with this?
EntropyControlSpecialist 11:59 AM 06-06-2013
I would let the parents know in advance about any parties. Let them decide what to do with her. Perhaps they will choose for her not to attend that day.
Heidi 12:00 PM 06-06-2013
I would simply let her parents know about any upcoming celebrations, and let them choose whether or not she will be attending that day. Regular contract rates apply.
If she attends, she participates.
If she attends, she participates.
BABYLUVER21 12:14 PM 06-06-2013
I'd simply give the mom notice when the parties are to take place. She does not have to allow her daughter to participate, but let her know this means that on those days, she has to find alternate care. If she throws a fuss, explain that you are trying to respect her religious beliefs at the same time as NOT disrespecting the OTHER children's or your own right to believe in and enjoy celebrations. NO refunds either. It is wrong of parents to throw their beliefs on a slew of children. Schools here where I live celebrate everything and a note is sent 2 weeks in advance so that parents who choose to have their child NOT participate can have an excused absence for that day. Parents who choose to send their child in spite of the notice, their child celebrates with the class. No exceptions.
Binkybobo 03:24 PM 06-06-2013
I just talked to mom, but basically all I got out was that yes she can have a tea party. She can't say the pledge, and she can't paint a flag. i'm not bashing the religion at all. her mom is a nurse who works 3 days a week. I guess I'll just schedule around her to make it easier. Giving in. Thanks guys. I may still have to have a little talk about it..I am holiday crazy and I decorate my yard and house for every holiday. I feel sorry for the little girl. I keep slipping and asking her about parties So no one has had this scenario?
Giving in. Thanks guys. I may still have to have a little talk about it..I am holiday crazy and I decorate my yard and house for every holiday. I feel sorry for the little girl. I keep slipping and asking her about parties So no one has had this scenario?
Blackcat31 03:30 PM 06-06-2013
Was this not discussed during the interview?
I can't imagine that a family with specific beliefs would have signed on with a provider they KNEW held big celebrations and parties for certain holidays or occasions.
I can't imagine that a family with specific beliefs would have signed on with a provider they KNEW held big celebrations and parties for certain holidays or occasions.
Sunchimes 03:46 PM 06-06-2013
I had a child like this when I taught school. Maybe I was lucky, but her mom was great. She didn't expect me to make special provisions when it came to parties. She asked that I not put her name up on the birthday calendar (so no one ever noticed she wasn't celebrating). We had a small chat with the class about the pledge, and everyone was fine. When we did holiday related activities, she just didn't participate but read or sat quietly. I tried to have fall activities for her during Fall holidays and winter things for Christmas.
Her mom was so sensible. She didn't mind if she heard about holidays or learned about them, she just didn't believe in them. It was a great learning experience for the class-for some, it was their first experience with other ways of believing.
Her mom was so sensible. She didn't mind if she heard about holidays or learned about them, she just didn't believe in them. It was a great learning experience for the class-for some, it was their first experience with other ways of believing.
Binkybobo 04:51 PM 06-06-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Was this not discussed during the interview?
I can't imagine that a family with specific beliefs would have signed on with a provider they KNEW held big celebrations and parties for certain holidays or occasions.
Was this not discussed during the interview?
I can't imagine that a family with specific beliefs would have signed on with a provider they KNEW held big celebrations and parties for certain holidays or occasions.
Her husband is great friends with my husband. We didn't really talk about it. It really just dawned on me, as school let out today and she's all mine for the Summer!
I know this may be a troll red flag for you, but I really need advice from someone who may have experienced something like this. I am agnostic and very open to other beliefs. Very much a people pleaser and want to make sure everyone is happy. that is probably not possible in this situation.
Binkybobo 04:53 PM 06-06-2013
Originally Posted by Sunchimes:
I had a child like this when I taught school. Maybe I was lucky, but her mom was great. She didn't expect me to make special provisions when it came to parties. She asked that I not put her name up on the birthday calendar (so no one ever noticed she wasn't celebrating). We had a small chat with the class about the pledge, and everyone was fine. When we did holiday related activities, she just didn't participate but read or sat quietly. I tried to have fall activities for her during Fall holidays and winter things for Christmas.
Her mom was so sensible. She didn't mind if she heard about holidays or learned about them, she just didn't believe in them. It was a great learning experience for the class-for some, it was their first experience with other ways of believing.
That would be great. I wish. i love for my children to learn about other cultures. I don't fear that it would threaten my beliefs at all, but I'm a free spirit. After being told that she couldn't even pain a flag I 'm a little more confused than I was to begin with.I had a child like this when I taught school. Maybe I was lucky, but her mom was great. She didn't expect me to make special provisions when it came to parties. She asked that I not put her name up on the birthday calendar (so no one ever noticed she wasn't celebrating). We had a small chat with the class about the pledge, and everyone was fine. When we did holiday related activities, she just didn't participate but read or sat quietly. I tried to have fall activities for her during Fall holidays and winter things for Christmas.
Her mom was so sensible. She didn't mind if she heard about holidays or learned about them, she just didn't believe in them. It was a great learning experience for the class-for some, it was their first experience with other ways of believing.
Blackcat31 07:41 PM 06-06-2013
Originally Posted by Binkybobo:
Her husband is great friends with my husband. We didn't really talk about it. It really just dawned on me, as school let out today and she's all mine for the Summer! I know this may be a troll red flag for you, but I really need advice from someone who may have experienced something like this. I am agnostic and very open to other beliefs. Very much a people pleaser and want to make sure everyone is happy. that is probably not possible in this situation.
Oh, I didn't think you were a troll. I'm sorry if it came across that way Her husband is great friends with my husband. We didn't really talk about it. It really just dawned on me, as school let out today and she's all mine for the Summer!
I know this may be a troll red flag for you, but I really need advice from someone who may have experienced something like this. I am agnostic and very open to other beliefs. Very much a people pleaser and want to make sure everyone is happy. that is probably not possible in this situation.
I feel bad for you and astonished at the family. I just feel like parents should be clearer about their beliefs and philosophies as much as providers share their philosophies and beliefs....kwim?
Did she say her DD can't participate at all? If that's the case I would simply tell mom what days you have celebrations planned and leave it up to mom if her child will attend that day or not.
Public schools have to be inclusive. Family child care providers do not.
Leigh 07:55 PM 06-06-2013
Originally Posted by Sunchimes:
I had a child like this when I taught school. Maybe I was lucky, but her mom was great. She didn't expect me to make special provisions when it came to parties. She asked that I not put her name up on the birthday calendar (so no one ever noticed she wasn't celebrating). We had a small chat with the class about the pledge, and everyone was fine. When we did holiday related activities, she just didn't participate but read or sat quietly. I tried to have fall activities for her during Fall holidays and winter things for Christmas.
Her mom was so sensible. She didn't mind if she heard about holidays or learned about them, she just didn't believe in them. It was a great learning experience for the class-for some, it was their first experience with other ways of believing.
Mom knows that most people celebrate birthdays and holidays. Her daughter will grow up knowing this too, and Mom is aware of it. The JW's that I know do not have a problem with anyone else celebrating. I had a child like this when I taught school. Maybe I was lucky, but her mom was great. She didn't expect me to make special provisions when it came to parties. She asked that I not put her name up on the birthday calendar (so no one ever noticed she wasn't celebrating). We had a small chat with the class about the pledge, and everyone was fine. When we did holiday related activities, she just didn't participate but read or sat quietly. I tried to have fall activities for her during Fall holidays and winter things for Christmas.
Her mom was so sensible. She didn't mind if she heard about holidays or learned about them, she just didn't believe in them. It was a great learning experience for the class-for some, it was their first experience with other ways of believing.
I'd just tell Mom a few weeks before the first party that it is coming up, and ask if she'd like to find alternate care for the afternoon or have her daughter participate. I would NEVER just separate a child from the group for something like this (just in case Mom asks you to)...I think it would be cruel.
AmyKidsCo 08:22 PM 06-06-2013
Originally Posted by Heidi:
I would simply let her parents know about any upcoming celebrations, and let them choose whether or not she will be attending that day. Regular contract rates apply.
If she attends, she participates.
I agree with the top part, but why not let her look at books or color somewhere away from the celebration if she attends?I would simply let her parents know about any upcoming celebrations, and let them choose whether or not she will be attending that day. Regular contract rates apply.
If she attends, she participates.
Related story - when I taught elementary school music the JWs were always sent down to my room when the rest of the school had holiday parties. Because it wouldn't be fair to make them study when their classmates had a party the school provided Kool Aid, cookies and videos for the kids. Seemed like a party to me.
countrymom 05:24 AM 06-07-2013
how about not calling it a party but just a special day. Having cookies and doing art is done here everyday. So the others color a flag, she can color a pony. I would accomadate her and just modify it a bit for her so she can participate.
ABCDaycareMN 05:56 AM 06-07-2013
Why can't she color a flag? Is she not an American?
Sorry but I know nothing about JW.
Sorry but I know nothing about JW.
littlemissmuffet 09:43 AM 06-07-2013
I have JWs in my family and my ex boyfriend is one. I know the religion through and through. They do not participate in patriotism because they believe their allegiance belongs only to God.
I have had a JW child in my care. It was not brought up in the interview and many birthday parties and holiday celebrations went by before mom mentioned to me that DCB was JW. I was shocked she didn't tell me sooner... like when we'd sent home Mother's Day cards, or made Canadian flags for Canada Day, or he went home with his birthday gift. LOL! Mom didn't want DCB to be excluded. DCB knew that in daycare and at school there would be celebrations and different crafts that revolved around things he and his family didn't necessarily believe in but it was okay to be friends with those who do believe in different things, and even to participate to a point. She was preparing him for the REAL WORLD... where life goes on beyond your own little world. He was never confused - he understood that home life and "outside" life were different. Him and my nephew share the same birthday week so I threw them a birthday party together... it was his first one. Mom didn't mind at all.
Some JWs are extremely strict in their beliefs and how much of the religion they follow, others are more relaxed... my DCM was obviously more relaxed. It's like any other religion - some people follow to a t, some pick and choose what works for them and then there's everything in between.
In your case, you need to clarify with mom exactly what you mean about parties - not tea parties. Many JWs are born into the religion and completely sheltered from the outside world (homeschooled, no tv, no internet, no friends outside JW Hall, etc) and are entirely oblivious to birthdays, xmas, etc... DCM could be this type and not have known what you even meant.
I have had a JW child in my care. It was not brought up in the interview and many birthday parties and holiday celebrations went by before mom mentioned to me that DCB was JW. I was shocked she didn't tell me sooner... like when we'd sent home Mother's Day cards, or made Canadian flags for Canada Day, or he went home with his birthday gift. LOL! Mom didn't want DCB to be excluded. DCB knew that in daycare and at school there would be celebrations and different crafts that revolved around things he and his family didn't necessarily believe in but it was okay to be friends with those who do believe in different things, and even to participate to a point. She was preparing him for the REAL WORLD... where life goes on beyond your own little world. He was never confused - he understood that home life and "outside" life were different. Him and my nephew share the same birthday week so I threw them a birthday party together... it was his first one. Mom didn't mind at all.
Some JWs are extremely strict in their beliefs and how much of the religion they follow, others are more relaxed... my DCM was obviously more relaxed. It's like any other religion - some people follow to a t, some pick and choose what works for them and then there's everything in between.
In your case, you need to clarify with mom exactly what you mean about parties - not tea parties. Many JWs are born into the religion and completely sheltered from the outside world (homeschooled, no tv, no internet, no friends outside JW Hall, etc) and are entirely oblivious to birthdays, xmas, etc... DCM could be this type and not have known what you even meant.