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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Divorcing Parents
misslori50 02:41 PM 12-04-2013
so ive had this child for almost 4 months. The parents are divorcing. Today was the first time we have seen the father. When he comes he says i need copy's of the sign in sheets and a copy of the invoices the wife has paid. I am livid. I will not get in the middle. I will now be seeing him weekly. aaaaaagggghhhhhhh.
blessed mom 02:43 PM 12-04-2013
Yep, tell him to get a court order! 
Meeko 02:46 PM 12-04-2013
I would tell him to get the copies of the invoices/receipts etc from her.
I have a couple who HATE each other. The dad is a bully and has tried to TELL me that he will be paying his half to me directly as he can't trust his ex...blah...blah... I refused. I only take payment from her.
I told him I don't care. SHE signed the contract. He has to get any paperwork he needs from HER. If sh'e difficult about it...not my problem. Work it out like adults. I will NOT be dragged in the middle.
I have a couple who HATE each other. The dad is a bully and has tried to TELL me that he will be paying his half to me directly as he can't trust his ex...blah...blah... I refused. I only take payment from her.
I told him I don't care. SHE signed the contract. He has to get any paperwork he needs from HER. If sh'e difficult about it...not my problem. Work it out like adults. I will NOT be dragged in the middle.
Blackcat31 02:52 PM 12-04-2013
Originally Posted by misslori50:
so ive had this child for almost 4 months. The parents are divorcing. Today was the first time we have seen the father. When he comes he says i need copy's of the sign in sheets and a copy of the invoices the wife has paid. I am livid. I will not get in the middle. I will now be seeing him weekly. aaaaaagggghhhhhhh.
I wouldn't get involved either. Anything that isn't directly involving the child's care would be an area I stay out of.so ive had this child for almost 4 months. The parents are divorcing. Today was the first time we have seen the father. When he comes he says i need copy's of the sign in sheets and a copy of the invoices the wife has paid. I am livid. I will not get in the middle. I will now be seeing him weekly. aaaaaagggghhhhhhh.
lovemylife 02:53 PM 12-04-2013
I have only had 1 family that put me in the middle, constantly complaining about the other, what they are doing wrong, wanting me to testify at court for them. They were here 2 weeks before I termed them. It was horrible! Then the dad's girlfriend started bad mouthing the mother and butting in. She used to be a provider so I thought that she would be the most understand of not putting me in the middle...nope! She started telling me how to run my program and what to do differently. Urg. So glad they are gone.
Good luck!!!
Good luck!!!
melilley 03:24 PM 12-04-2013
I have one family who is in the middle of a divorce. They don't put me in the middle thank goodness, but mom did ask for copies of sign in sheets and our contract and briefly explained, but that's it. I did give them to her because it's only attendance and she hasn't asked for anything else. I just saw dad for the first time in months, last week, but he's in and out and hasn't said anything.
I'm so glad I'm not being put on the spot for anything!
I'm so glad I'm not being put on the spot for anything!
littlemissmuffet 03:56 PM 12-04-2013
Blackcat has an awesome letter to give to divorced/separating families. I had to hand it out the other day again actually because once again a dad is trying to involve me in break-up drama.
It's always the dads for me...never the moms.
It's always the dads for me...never the moms.
Blackcat31 05:15 PM 12-04-2013
Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet:
Blackcat has an awesome letter to give to divorced/separating families. I had to hand it out the other day again actually because once again a dad is trying to involve me in break-up drama.
It's always the dads for me...never the moms.
Aw, that sucks... Blackcat has an awesome letter to give to divorced/separating families. I had to hand it out the other day again actually because once again a dad is trying to involve me in break-up drama.
It's always the dads for me...never the moms.
It's rough for kids when parents are so emotional. Divorce is always so messy. I hope the letter works.
I found the thread and re-posted it in case OP is interested in using it. It's pretty to-the-point and easy for parents to "get".
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I use this letter to ALL separated parents who share any amount of parenting duties that involve child care.
Dear Families,
Over the years I have noticed my role as child care provider can often create the impression that we are extended family. Because your child's welfare is so important, this care and nurturing can create an intimacy between us that makes us feel more like family than business partners. As a home daycare provider, I strive to foster this sense of community, and to provide the closeness you will not find in a child care center.
However, there does need to be well defined boundaries in certain areas. Some of you are currently in the process of redefining your families, and are struggling with court orders, custody issues, and feelings of estrangement. It is imperative I remind all of you that I must remain a neutral third party. As your child's advocate, their needs are my sole priority. Please keep in mind, this doesn't mean that I am unaware or unaffected by the turmoil you face; I am sorry for your pain and I do mourn the loss of your child's family as they have known it. Still, I can't let any feelings I have for you interfere with my role in providing your child a safe, neutral environment where they can express their own feelings of sadness or fear. In consideration of this, here is a list of some of the things you need to remember should you wish to keep you child enrolled at (name of child care facility):
1. My home is a safe haven for them; please refrain from expressing your sadness or frustration about your child's other parent (and perhaps their new significant other) within their presence. Your child is extremely perceptive and already knows how you feel; my home is one place they should be able to escape this tension.
2. Please provide me with any copies of legal documents I need regarding the custody or care arrangements for your child. Keep in mind that in the absence of any court documents, I cannot legally keep a child from his or her parent, and will not agree to any such arrangement.
3. Develop a well thought out plan for pick-up and drop-off. Do NOT make my driveway a place of confrontation. If you need to do a "switch" where the child moves from one parent's care to another during the course of the week, choose someplace else to do so.
5. Do NOT put me in the middle of any issues you have regarding child support payment or the payment for my services. Work out a plan for who is responsible to pay for your child's care and do so promptly and courteously. I know money is a primary point of contention in many separations -- do NOT make me ask for payment for my services or you will find yourself looking for a new child care provider.
6. Do not request that I do anything for you other than the normal array of service you have received in the past. I will NOT document anything other than legitimately suspected mistreatment, so don't ask me to spend time evaluating your ex-spouse's parenting skills or capability as a parent. If the court feels they need my opinion, they will provide me with a list of written questions I will answer to the best of my ability. I operate an honest business and consider my integrity and trust two hallmarks of my home.
7. I do not participate in supervised visitation. My home is a "Home away from home" for many children and I need to consider the welfare of ALL my families when making decisions. I am a child care provider -- not a mediator or evaluator.
In summary, please minimize to the greatest degree possible, any disruption to your child's regular day at my home. Separation of a family is a big issue to young children, and my home may be the place of stability where they can work through their emotions and confusion.
If you have questions about your specific situation, or really feel there are issues regarding your ex-spouse we need to discuss, please call me at 555-555-5555
I use this letter to ALL separated parents who share any amount of parenting duties that involve child care.
Dear Families,
Over the years I have noticed my role as child care provider can often create the impression that we are extended family. Because your child's welfare is so important, this care and nurturing can create an intimacy between us that makes us feel more like family than business partners. As a home daycare provider, I strive to foster this sense of community, and to provide the closeness you will not find in a child care center.
However, there does need to be well defined boundaries in certain areas. Some of you are currently in the process of redefining your families, and are struggling with court orders, custody issues, and feelings of estrangement. It is imperative I remind all of you that I must remain a neutral third party. As your child's advocate, their needs are my sole priority. Please keep in mind, this doesn't mean that I am unaware or unaffected by the turmoil you face; I am sorry for your pain and I do mourn the loss of your child's family as they have known it. Still, I can't let any feelings I have for you interfere with my role in providing your child a safe, neutral environment where they can express their own feelings of sadness or fear. In consideration of this, here is a list of some of the things you need to remember should you wish to keep you child enrolled at (name of child care facility):
1. My home is a safe haven for them; please refrain from expressing your sadness or frustration about your child's other parent (and perhaps their new significant other) within their presence. Your child is extremely perceptive and already knows how you feel; my home is one place they should be able to escape this tension.
2. Please provide me with any copies of legal documents I need regarding the custody or care arrangements for your child. Keep in mind that in the absence of any court documents, I cannot legally keep a child from his or her parent, and will not agree to any such arrangement.
3. Develop a well thought out plan for pick-up and drop-off. Do NOT make my driveway a place of confrontation. If you need to do a "switch" where the child moves from one parent's care to another during the course of the week, choose someplace else to do so.
5. Do NOT put me in the middle of any issues you have regarding child support payment or the payment for my services. Work out a plan for who is responsible to pay for your child's care and do so promptly and courteously. I know money is a primary point of contention in many separations -- do NOT make me ask for payment for my services or you will find yourself looking for a new child care provider.
6. Do not request that I do anything for you other than the normal array of service you have received in the past. I will NOT document anything other than legitimately suspected mistreatment, so don't ask me to spend time evaluating your ex-spouse's parenting skills or capability as a parent. If the court feels they need my opinion, they will provide me with a list of written questions I will answer to the best of my ability. I operate an honest business and consider my integrity and trust two hallmarks of my home.
7. I do not participate in supervised visitation. My home is a "Home away from home" for many children and I need to consider the welfare of ALL my families when making decisions. I am a child care provider -- not a mediator or evaluator.
In summary, please minimize to the greatest degree possible, any disruption to your child's regular day at my home. Separation of a family is a big issue to young children, and my home may be the place of stability where they can work through their emotions and confusion.
If you have questions about your specific situation, or really feel there are issues regarding your ex-spouse we need to discuss, please call me at 555-555-5555
daycarediva 05:39 PM 12-04-2013
I have my divorcing parents re-sign a contract with ONE person the primary party/contact/payer. Information only goes through the 'primary parent'. It's even added to my contract now. I also stipulate that I must be given copies of any and all custody agreements, and that I won't allow custody switches on my property, or get into their situation at all.
Most of my families are divorced/separated/never married so it's pretty common.
Most of my families are divorced/separated/never married so it's pretty common.
MotherNature 11:34 AM 12-05-2013
Wow, BC. That's a great form!
Logged out 03:04 PM 12-05-2013
I actually am a mediator and the pay far exceeds the going "daycare rate". So tell them if they want to drag you into it, you will bill accordingly....
Silence is priceless IMO...
Silence is priceless IMO...
misslori50 12:22 PM 12-09-2013
I called the mother and put a stop to it that day. I told her I will not get involved in any way and that she needed to inform him of that fact. I love this child and she was worried when her dad was talking to me.