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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Issues With My Own Child
Christina72684 11:53 AM 08-05-2014
I've been in nearly tears several times the past few weeks with my daughter and I just don't know what to do. My daughter is 3yrs 5months old and has been acting up, not listening, back talking, hitting me (not violently but like she's frustrated and doesn't know what to do), etc and I just feel helpless. It happens at home and during daycare hours. I've heard that the terrible 2s really aren't until they're 3 and maybe since I haven't been around a lot of children until starting my daycare 3 years ago I'm just not used to this behavior yet.
I feel partially responsible. My son is turning 1 this week and last weekend we had his birthday party. I spent time and money preparing the party and that day it was all about him. I'm wondering if maybe she's feeling left out and unwanted, thus acting out. She broke down and cried once the day before the party and once at the end of the party and I think it's because she felt left out. I don't want to make too many excuses for her because there are times she definitely knows better and is bad anyway. I'm not just saying this because she's my daughter, but she's really smart, especially compared to the other children her age and older. But then she does stuff like stole a toy from the place I workout at, or ran upstairs during daycare hours with 2 of her friends (HUGE no-no and has NEVER done that before) while I'm interviewing a family. And she fights and refuses naps most days, which makes the evenings such a pain because she becomes super whiny.
At daycare (it's a preschool for 3+ year olds) she acts like she runs the place by not always listening to me, getting into things she shouldn't, going upstairs and getting toys which are not allowed by the other kids, etc. I've never really had to punish her before, she's never had a real whipping, never had any toys taken away, etc because she's never really had behavior issues before the past month or so.
I just get so frustrated and helpless. I don't want my 3 year old thinking she can do whatever she wants and get away with it. (Like right now it's nap time and 7 of the 9 kids slept, and she's one of the ones still awake and thinks she can play with toys even though I take them away from her and tell her to stop.) I just want my sweet, well behaved Ava back
I feel partially responsible. My son is turning 1 this week and last weekend we had his birthday party. I spent time and money preparing the party and that day it was all about him. I'm wondering if maybe she's feeling left out and unwanted, thus acting out. She broke down and cried once the day before the party and once at the end of the party and I think it's because she felt left out. I don't want to make too many excuses for her because there are times she definitely knows better and is bad anyway. I'm not just saying this because she's my daughter, but she's really smart, especially compared to the other children her age and older. But then she does stuff like stole a toy from the place I workout at, or ran upstairs during daycare hours with 2 of her friends (HUGE no-no and has NEVER done that before) while I'm interviewing a family. And she fights and refuses naps most days, which makes the evenings such a pain because she becomes super whiny.
At daycare (it's a preschool for 3+ year olds) she acts like she runs the place by not always listening to me, getting into things she shouldn't, going upstairs and getting toys which are not allowed by the other kids, etc. I've never really had to punish her before, she's never had a real whipping, never had any toys taken away, etc because she's never really had behavior issues before the past month or so.
I just get so frustrated and helpless. I don't want my 3 year old thinking she can do whatever she wants and get away with it. (Like right now it's nap time and 7 of the 9 kids slept, and she's one of the ones still awake and thinks she can play with toys even though I take them away from her and tell her to stop.) I just want my sweet, well behaved Ava back
Unregistered 12:15 PM 08-05-2014
My son is the SAME way!! He just turned 3 and is definitely my most challenging kid! I'm almost at the point to finding him another daycare so I can do my job! I think he is having issues with sharing all of "his" toys and me. He wont nap, share, listen or anything. He is always challenging my rules. I am extremely exhausted at the end of the day from constantly redirecting him, time-outs, toys being taken away for the day, ect. I am at a loss of what to do.
mamamanda 12:44 PM 08-05-2014
I feel your pain. Have struggled with my 3 year old at times as well. You mentioned she is a bit advanced for her age & that can make things harder anyway. Sometimes with gifted children they are intellectually ahead but behaviorally still very much a 3 year old which causes a lot of melt downs. Especially since they get bored easier. I noticed with my son that he behaves so much better if he has access to higher level toys & activities. Even if that means me sitting him at the table with toy sets that have small pieces to keep them away from younger kiddos. Consistency is also the key to discipline with him. Its got to be hard to have "home" rules & "daycare" rules, but if he does something during daycare that isn't allowed I have to handle it the same way each time. Doesn't take him long to catch on. Some kids really do struggle at 3, so don't get too discouraged. It will pass. As for napping, what works for us is that ds knows he must lay down for 30 minutes to rest. If he goes to sleep, great! If he doesn't that's ok too, but he can't watch tv or anything like that. He has to sit & play with quiet activities. He knows if he can't do that he will be sent back to his room for the duration of nap time so he's pretty motivated to listen 
Best of luck & stay encouraged!
Best of luck & stay encouraged!
Thriftylady 12:59 PM 08-05-2014
Well I am glad I wasn't the only one. My daughter is 16 now and I am just reopening my daycare. But when she was 2, I started daycare the first time. It was awful because of her, some days my husband came home and I was in tears and needed a time out! Same things you are describing, looking back on it, I think she was jealous. Her house, her mommy, her "toys" (even though she had a room full of toys she didn't have to share). It was awful and I still sometimes wonder how I survived it! I never found all the answers but I can tell you about now since I am here now. She is 16, going to be sophomore in HS, in all Advanced classes. She is set to start dual credit classes next year, so start college! She is way right now due home next week after working at our church camp all summer, she as gone there for years, volunteered last year and this year they hired her. You are probably asking why all that matters, so let me tell you.... For a couple of years there, I figured she would be in prison by now lol. It was really THAT bad.
So there is hope, if you can just hang in there.
So there is hope, if you can just hang in there.
Unregistered 01:58 PM 08-05-2014
I am so glad to hear I am not the only one who is having this issue. My daughter is almost 3 and the past couple of months have been so bad that I have wondered if I needed to stop doing FCC and work in a center.
cheerfuldom 02:51 PM 08-05-2014
All of that sounds like normal behavior from a 3 year old that is testing boundaries. I would recommend you consider age appropriate responses and consequences outside of "whipping" (which I assume is spanking?). What you are going thru is very common for the age though and in my experience, smart kids are worse with it.....they get sneaky and whatnot.
Thriftylady 02:55 PM 08-05-2014
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
All of that sounds like normal behavior from a 3 year old that is testing boundaries. I would recommend you consider age appropriate responses and consequences outside of "whipping" (which I assume is spanking?). What you are going thru is very common for the age though and in my experience, smart kids are worse with it.....they get sneaky and whatnot.
Yes they are, even at such a young age, they find loopholes!All of that sounds like normal behavior from a 3 year old that is testing boundaries. I would recommend you consider age appropriate responses and consequences outside of "whipping" (which I assume is spanking?). What you are going thru is very common for the age though and in my experience, smart kids are worse with it.....they get sneaky and whatnot.
permanentvacation 05:13 AM 08-06-2014
I kicked my personal children out of my daycare when they were 3 for the same behavioral issues you all are talking about. It was the best decision I made! By putting my daughters in a center, they had 'Their school' to go to, 'their teacher' 'their friends at their school'. By being home with the daycare kids, the daycare kids were invading their home and taking their mommy away from them. Both of my personal children absolutely loved going to their preschool center. Now, I did only put them in 1/2 day. They went M-F 9-12. That was when they did their learning time and had free play time. I brought my kids home for nap and afternoon play.
NightOwl 05:36 AM 08-06-2014
Omg, I really don't have much advice but I can relate in every way! My ds just started kindy yesterday and, as much as I dreaded it and missed him so much, this was a totally different place without him (and my nephew who also started kindy). So quiet, peaceful, no one tearing through the house like a train at full speed, the mess was easily half of what it usually is, etc.
kendallina 05:41 AM 08-06-2014
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
I kicked my personal children out of my daycare when they were 3 for the same behavioral issues you all are talking about. It was the best decision I made! By putting my daughters in a center, they had 'Their school' to go to, 'their teacher' 'their friends at their school'. By being home with the daycare kids, the daycare kids were invading their home and taking their mommy away from them. Both of my personal children absolutely loved going to their preschool center. Now, I did only put them in 1/2 day. They went M-F 9-12. That was when they did their learning time and had free play time. I brought my kids home for nap and afternoon play.
I think this is smart. I did it for a short while (a neighbor down the street watched my daughter a few mornings a week) and really I should have done it for longer but she moved. I find that having her away for a few mornings a week helped our relationship and gave her her own space and her own 'school'-that's what we called it.I kicked my personal children out of my daycare when they were 3 for the same behavioral issues you all are talking about. It was the best decision I made! By putting my daughters in a center, they had 'Their school' to go to, 'their teacher' 'their friends at their school'. By being home with the daycare kids, the daycare kids were invading their home and taking their mommy away from them. Both of my personal children absolutely loved going to their preschool center. Now, I did only put them in 1/2 day. They went M-F 9-12. That was when they did their learning time and had free play time. I brought my kids home for nap and afternoon play.
My daughter was always really well behaved when it's just our family or when she was with other people but she turned into a monster when the preschool kids were here. She started sneakily pinching the other kids and it progressed to full-on yelling and hitting them when she didn't get her way. It's been a very tough two years, but now she's going to kinder in two weeks!
So, yeh, if you can swing it, you may want to consider giving her a break from the daycare a few days/week. Alternatively, I allowed my daughter to watch a little tv (up in the guest room where the kids don't know what she's doing) when she seemed to need a break and of course she was allowed to go play in her room whenever she wanted but she is a really social child, so she doesn't really want to be alone.
Wish I had some words of wisdom on how to help the actual behavior, but after two years of dealing with it myself, the only relief I ever got was by separating her.
sugar buzz 05:51 AM 08-06-2014
My DD's behavior at 2-3 was the reason that I started doing daycare--I couldn't continue to inflict that pain on someone else. It's not very comforting, now, but like a previous poster said, it does get better each year.
Shell 06:34 AM 08-06-2014
Join the club
My ds is the most challenging child due to the daycare at his home. I just signed him up for pre-k 2 days a week (he is 4 now), and he will go swimming with grandpa and art class at the Y starting in the fall. We start our daycares with the intention of being home and there for our own kids, but it is such a tough situation, because we must care for others in order to pay the bills. I always tell my dh- imagine doing your job with ds attached to your hip, because that is what my day is like. I have been home with ds since he was born, it's time for him to spread his wings a little- I tried getting firmer, consequences, etc, but I think he just needed to get out a little. You might have reached that point as well- I didn't want to succumb to paying someone else to do what I do best, but he's going for the kids and experience- worth it in my opinion. Best of luck, it is so hard and I feel for you!
My ds is the most challenging child due to the daycare at his home. I just signed him up for pre-k 2 days a week (he is 4 now), and he will go swimming with grandpa and art class at the Y starting in the fall. We start our daycares with the intention of being home and there for our own kids, but it is such a tough situation, because we must care for others in order to pay the bills. I always tell my dh- imagine doing your job with ds attached to your hip, because that is what my day is like. I have been home with ds since he was born, it's time for him to spread his wings a little- I tried getting firmer, consequences, etc, but I think he just needed to get out a little. You might have reached that point as well- I didn't want to succumb to paying someone else to do what I do best, but he's going for the kids and experience- worth it in my opinion. Best of luck, it is so hard and I feel for you!