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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How to Give a Final Warning
Unregistered 04:38 PM 05-24-2016
I have a dck who is 13 months and has been here for 3 months. This child is not verbal and still is not walking, or able to stand in the middle of the floor without holding on to something or pulling up on something. This child has been broken from the bottle and pacifier here but still gets nightly feeding gs with a bottle at home per dcm because she needs her sleep. This child also cries for majority of the day. The cry is not a cry for something being wrong but almost sounds like an angry screaming cry. This child does this to get picked up or for people to be in the child's face constantly. This happens during outings, meals, naps, play time and usually throughout the day.
I have spoken to the parents informing them that they need to work on the child being more independent and held less. I've also mentioned that if the child is not better by mid June I will not provide care as our summer is very active with outings and a screaming child will no longer work in the environment. Parents claimed to have been working on it with the child and a small improvement was noticed. The child was out for vacation for 3 days one week and 2 the next and is back to screaming as if no one has ever put this child down. How do I firmly, clearly and nicely inform the family that they have until mid June to fix this or care will be terminated. I would like to give a letter but am not sure how to say it nicely, as I feel unfair to hold a child constantly and expect them to thrive wonderfully in a group environment. Also this family is super stressed about any bump or bruise the child gets. The child crawls and will crawl straight into the wall, changing table, cubbies, toys, people, and anything that is in reach of the child's head level. The child looks at the floor while crawling. The moms response when I mentioned that was a bit concerning was the dck is lazy and clumsy and that's why, but they freak out if the child bumps their head by doing this.
Sorry this is long. All suggestions are welcome.
I have spoken to the parents informing them that they need to work on the child being more independent and held less. I've also mentioned that if the child is not better by mid June I will not provide care as our summer is very active with outings and a screaming child will no longer work in the environment. Parents claimed to have been working on it with the child and a small improvement was noticed. The child was out for vacation for 3 days one week and 2 the next and is back to screaming as if no one has ever put this child down. How do I firmly, clearly and nicely inform the family that they have until mid June to fix this or care will be terminated. I would like to give a letter but am not sure how to say it nicely, as I feel unfair to hold a child constantly and expect them to thrive wonderfully in a group environment. Also this family is super stressed about any bump or bruise the child gets. The child crawls and will crawl straight into the wall, changing table, cubbies, toys, people, and anything that is in reach of the child's head level. The child looks at the floor while crawling. The moms response when I mentioned that was a bit concerning was the dck is lazy and clumsy and that's why, but they freak out if the child bumps their head by doing this.
Sorry this is long. All suggestions are welcome.
Thriftylady 04:46 PM 05-24-2016
I would write up a probation notice stating EXACTLY what needs to change. I would put a date on it to have a conference about improvement and either extend it out (if you have seen enough improvement), or terminate care if you have not. Have the parents sign it, and give them a copy.
Unregistered 06:00 PM 05-24-2016
So does anyone have a specific form used for probation notices? Also in the notice can I say something like this:
The child needs to be able to play and interact with others without crying. The child should be able to move about freely and happily with minimal crying and expectations to be picked up. The child needs to be able to ride in a stroller during outings without crying everytime someone is not directly in the child's face.
I guess my issue is that I'm not sure exactly how to word the letter and I don't want it to be so negative, or sound like I'm complaining but I do want to be honest.
The child needs to be able to play and interact with others without crying. The child should be able to move about freely and happily with minimal crying and expectations to be picked up. The child needs to be able to ride in a stroller during outings without crying everytime someone is not directly in the child's face.
I guess my issue is that I'm not sure exactly how to word the letter and I don't want it to be so negative, or sound like I'm complaining but I do want to be honest.
Thriftylady 06:58 PM 05-24-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
So does anyone have a specific form used for probation notices? Also in the notice can I say something like this:
The child needs to be able to play and interact with others without crying. The child should be able to move about freely and happily with minimal crying and expectations to be picked up. The child needs to be able to ride in a stroller during outings without crying everytime someone is not directly in the child's face.
I guess my issue is that I'm not sure exactly how to word the letter and I don't want it to be so negative, or sound like I'm complaining but I do want to be honest.
I would write something like: So does anyone have a specific form used for probation notices? Also in the notice can I say something like this:
The child needs to be able to play and interact with others without crying. The child should be able to move about freely and happily with minimal crying and expectations to be picked up. The child needs to be able to ride in a stroller during outings without crying everytime someone is not directly in the child's face.
I guess my issue is that I'm not sure exactly how to word the letter and I don't want it to be so negative, or sound like I'm complaining but I do want to be honest.
PROBATION NOTICE
In order for Jimmy to have a happy and healthy experience at ABC Daycare, Jimmy needs to achieve the following items. The probation period will start on date and end on date.
1. Jimmy should be able to have independent time each day without being held, or crying to be held.
2. Jimmy's crying needs to not exceed 2 hours total crying time for every day in care.
3. Jimmy needs to be able to ride independently in a stroller for a reasonable amount of time during an outing.
I ___________ Parent of Jimmy understand that this is a probation period. At the end of this period, if there has not been marked improvement, care at ABC Daycare will no longer be provided, and you will be asked to find a situation that better fits the well being of Jimmy. If there has been satisfactory improvement, this probation period will end OR be extended, at the provider's discretion.
Then you and parents sign and date it. Someone else may have a better one!
Blackcat31 07:43 PM 05-24-2016
They aren't going to fix anything.
Parents parent in ways and styles that work for them.
It's nearly impossible to "fix" what they are/aren't doing at home and certainly not in a few short weeks.
If the child is not adjusting and you've reached your limit, just give notice. He needs a different environment.
Nothing wrong with that. There's a right and wrong fit for everyone.
Parents parent in ways and styles that work for them.
It's nearly impossible to "fix" what they are/aren't doing at home and certainly not in a few short weeks.
If the child is not adjusting and you've reached your limit, just give notice. He needs a different environment.
Nothing wrong with that. There's a right and wrong fit for everyone.
Mike 08:27 PM 05-24-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
They aren't going to fix anything.
Parents parent in ways and styles that work for them.
It's nearly impossible to "fix" what they are/aren't doing at home and certainly not in a few short weeks.
If the child is not adjusting and you've reached your limit, just give notice. He needs a different environment.
Nothing wrong with that. There's a right and wrong fit for everyone.
They aren't going to fix anything.
Parents parent in ways and styles that work for them.
It's nearly impossible to "fix" what they are/aren't doing at home and certainly not in a few short weeks.
If the child is not adjusting and you've reached your limit, just give notice. He needs a different environment.
Nothing wrong with that. There's a right and wrong fit for everyone.
MunchkinWrangler 08:55 PM 05-24-2016
I honestly don't see this getting better. It takes a very long time and to be honest. It could just be the child's personality.
I have seen changes in some of my dck's over the year but the things that 'bother' me still come out. The angry crys, the need for constant attention(and when I give it, boy, do I regret it because then I get screamed at for needing to walk away and try to feed everyone
), and just 'spoiled' behaviors. I am very old school in some of my beliefs. I truly believe that most parents coddle their children too much. What you are describing to me just sounds like the child is not used to being independent at home. Everything is done for the child in every way, shape, and form.
I, unfortunately, see that you will probably have to let the child go as these things will most likely not change on the homefront. I'm only saying this because I stuck it out with one child but I'll never do it again. I keep the child because we're used to each other and dcg gets it but some days, it's annoying or dcg is a lot of work and patience.
Sorry so long. Plus, sometimes, you don't bond with every child. TBH, I always have a period of time before I bond with a dck. But that is just how I am, I'm like that with adults too.
I have seen changes in some of my dck's over the year but the things that 'bother' me still come out. The angry crys, the need for constant attention(and when I give it, boy, do I regret it because then I get screamed at for needing to walk away and try to feed everyone
), and just 'spoiled' behaviors. I am very old school in some of my beliefs. I truly believe that most parents coddle their children too much. What you are describing to me just sounds like the child is not used to being independent at home. Everything is done for the child in every way, shape, and form. I, unfortunately, see that you will probably have to let the child go as these things will most likely not change on the homefront. I'm only saying this because I stuck it out with one child but I'll never do it again. I keep the child because we're used to each other and dcg gets it but some days, it's annoying or dcg is a lot of work and patience.
Sorry so long. Plus, sometimes, you don't bond with every child. TBH, I always have a period of time before I bond with a dck. But that is just how I am, I'm like that with adults too.
Michael 10:47 PM 05-24-2016
Some more Warning Notices: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...rning+-+notice
Play Care 02:11 AM 05-25-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
They aren't going to fix anything.
Parents parent in ways and styles that work for them.
It's nearly impossible to "fix" what they are/aren't doing at home and certainly not in a few short weeks.
If the child is not adjusting and you've reached your limit, just give notice. He needs a different environment.
Nothing wrong with that. There's a right and wrong fit for everyone.
They aren't going to fix anything.
Parents parent in ways and styles that work for them.
It's nearly impossible to "fix" what they are/aren't doing at home and certainly not in a few short weeks.
If the child is not adjusting and you've reached your limit, just give notice. He needs a different environment.
Nothing wrong with that. There's a right and wrong fit for everyone.
You've already given them a heads up. Nothing has changed. It's time for family to move to another caregiver. And honestly, I don't see this as a behavior that can be "changed" It sounds as if the child may be more of a challenge to begin, and it could very well just be the personality.
childcaremom 04:27 AM 05-25-2016
I would offer a 2 week probation notice. Telling them specifics of what you areas you need to see improvement in (eg: crying, play independently, napping well, etc). Inform them that if no improvement is seen by x date, that termination notice will be given. (This is how I have handled probation periods in the past.)
In other words, he has the next few weeks to improve or you will no longer be able to continue to provide care for him past the probation period.
In fact, after 3 months, he should have adjusted. He hasn't so I would even just give a termination notice stating that.
The dcps are not going to be surprised. They know the struggles their little one is having. They don't really need a final warning.
In other words, he has the next few weeks to improve or you will no longer be able to continue to provide care for him past the probation period.
In fact, after 3 months, he should have adjusted. He hasn't so I would even just give a termination notice stating that.
The dcps are not going to be surprised. They know the struggles their little one is having. They don't really need a final warning.
JackandJill 04:58 AM 05-25-2016
I agree with the others! I speak from experience, that parents will do the bare minimum (if that) to not get kicked out, and then after the probation period go right back to the way they were before.
I had one little guys last year that I went back and forth with parents for 5 months before I finally termed, it was a nightmare! I hated opening every day that I had him. I recently just went through it again, and learned my lesson and termed after 7 weeks.
Its best for you, the poor little one and the rest of the kids! The only people it doesn't affect are the parents who can happily go about their day without interruption!
I had one little guys last year that I went back and forth with parents for 5 months before I finally termed, it was a nightmare! I hated opening every day that I had him. I recently just went through it again, and learned my lesson and termed after 7 weeks.
Its best for you, the poor little one and the rest of the kids! The only people it doesn't affect are the parents who can happily go about their day without interruption!
KiwiKids 09:36 AM 05-25-2016
In my experience, things at home won't change. He might grow past the actual screaming and crying, but he'll still ask for attention constantly and when you can't give it, he'll be unhappy or act out. And when you are able, it won't be enough and he'll get upset and act out. My screamer turned into a would be biter ( I caught each attempt ), toy snatcher, would yell at other kids, act out horribly the moment mom was here to pick up etc... The day I terminated care after MANY discussions about behavior, they were still shocked but I felt so much better and my group is so much happier. I loved my little screamer but I just couldn't do one on one all day which was the only way this child ever seemed to be happy and thriving.
EntropyControlSpecialist 10:48 AM 05-25-2016
Originally Posted by KiwiKids:
In my experience, things at home won't change. He might grow past the actual screaming and crying, but he'll still ask for attention constantly and when you can't give it, he'll be unhappy or act out. And when you are able, it won't be enough and he'll get upset and act out. My screamer turned into a would be biter ( I caught each attempt ), toy snatcher, would yell at other kids, act out horribly the moment mom was here to pick up etc... The day I terminated care after MANY discussions about behavior, they were still shocked but I felt so much better and my group is so much happier. I loved my little screamer but I just couldn't do one on one all day which was the only way this child ever seemed to be happy and thriving.
Parents always seem shocked, over here, when their child is terminated for bad behavior. Even if they've been given many warnings or are on a behavior plan. I think the mentality is, "They like kids because that's their job so they'll just keep on doing it!" In my experience, things at home won't change. He might grow past the actual screaming and crying, but he'll still ask for attention constantly and when you can't give it, he'll be unhappy or act out. And when you are able, it won't be enough and he'll get upset and act out. My screamer turned into a would be biter ( I caught each attempt ), toy snatcher, would yell at other kids, act out horribly the moment mom was here to pick up etc... The day I terminated care after MANY discussions about behavior, they were still shocked but I felt so much better and my group is so much happier. I loved my little screamer but I just couldn't do one on one all day which was the only way this child ever seemed to be happy and thriving.
I think I'd let this little one go come mid-June. I don't think another warning is necessary...you already told them once.
Ariana 11:07 AM 05-25-2016
My own children were doing that at 13 months and I think you are being a bit over the top woth your expectations of infant development. My own children at 13 months could only pull themselves up and walk around tables etc. They both began walking at 16 and 18 months. According to my pediatrician it was well within a normal range.
As for screaming and crying I agree that this is something that would bother me and I would be working towards a solution. Chances are however that the parents will not listen to you so I would give them notice.
As for screaming and crying I agree that this is something that would bother me and I would be working towards a solution. Chances are however that the parents will not listen to you so I would give them notice.
Blackcat31 11:15 AM 05-25-2016
Originally Posted by Ariana:
My own children were doing that at 13 months and I think you are being a bit over the top woth your expectations of infant development. My own children at 13 months could only pull themselves up and walk around tables etc. They both began walking at 16 and 18 months. According to my pediatrician it was well within a normal range.
As for screaming and crying I agree that this is something that would bother me and I would be working towards a solution. Chances are however that the parents will not listen to you so I would give them notice.
Actually we are told to recommend being evaluated if the child is not standing unassisted (NOT walking but standing) by 12 months. My own children were doing that at 13 months and I think you are being a bit over the top woth your expectations of infant development. My own children at 13 months could only pull themselves up and walk around tables etc. They both began walking at 16 and 18 months. According to my pediatrician it was well within a normal range.
As for screaming and crying I agree that this is something that would bother me and I would be working towards a solution. Chances are however that the parents will not listen to you so I would give them notice.
NOT walking until 16-18 months MAY fall into the normal range but I think the thinking is that IF early intervention is needed, the earlier the better so NOT standing unassisted by 13 months would be a flag for me.
Like I said, NOT that anything is wrong or not normal...but just so that it can be monitored and watched just in case.
Ariana 11:29 AM 05-25-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Actually we are told to recommend being evaluated if the child is not standing unassisted (NOT walking but standing) by 12 months.
NOT walking until 16-18 months MAY fall into the normal range but I think the thinking is that IF early intervention is needed, the earlier the better so NOT standing unassisted by 13 months would be a flag for me.
Like I said, NOT that anything is wrong or not normal...but just so that it can be monitored and watched just in case.
I think we have very different standards for this stuff in Canada. I have noticed we have strictor standards for language than you guys do as well. In my child development textbook 15 months is average for standing unassisted for example.Actually we are told to recommend being evaluated if the child is not standing unassisted (NOT walking but standing) by 12 months.
NOT walking until 16-18 months MAY fall into the normal range but I think the thinking is that IF early intervention is needed, the earlier the better so NOT standing unassisted by 13 months would be a flag for me.
Like I said, NOT that anything is wrong or not normal...but just so that it can be monitored and watched just in case.
Blackcat31 11:40 AM 05-25-2016
Originally Posted by Ariana:
I think we have very different standards for this stuff in Canada. I have noticed we have strictor standards for language than you guys do as well. In my child development textbook 15 months is average for standing unassisted for example.
....and it probably is by most developmental charts (both US and Canada) but Ive noticed the more QRIS/star rating programs get involved with early childhood "development" the more things are viewed as possible red flags.. You know, the more kids needing intervention the more money/funding involved.. I think we have very different standards for this stuff in Canada. I have noticed we have strictor standards for language than you guys do as well. In my child development textbook 15 months is average for standing unassisted for example.
Ariana 03:49 PM 05-25-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
....and it probably is by most developmental charts (both US and Canada) but Ive noticed the more QRIS/star rating programs get involved with early childhood "development" the more things are viewed as possible red flags.. You know, the more kids needing intervention the more money/funding involved..
Absolutely! I am not licensed so don't have to follow those types of guidelines thankfully but yeah I totally get it. Seems insane to me to be worried about this at 13 months without any other developmental issues. I would be worried if this was coupled with a few other things for sure.....and it probably is by most developmental charts (both US and Canada) but Ive noticed the more QRIS/star rating programs get involved with early childhood "development" the more things are viewed as possible red flags.. You know, the more kids needing intervention the more money/funding involved..
Mom2Two 04:22 PM 05-25-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
They aren't going to fix anything.
Parents parent in ways and styles that work for them.
It's nearly impossible to "fix" what they are/aren't doing at home and certainly not in a few short weeks.
If the child is not adjusting and you've reached your limit, just give notice. He needs a different environment.
Nothing wrong with that. There's a right and wrong fit for everyone.
ITA They aren't going to fix anything.
Parents parent in ways and styles that work for them.
It's nearly impossible to "fix" what they are/aren't doing at home and certainly not in a few short weeks.
If the child is not adjusting and you've reached your limit, just give notice. He needs a different environment.
Nothing wrong with that. There's a right and wrong fit for everyone.
It didn't sound quite right to be using the term "fix" for stuff that may just be the way that particular 13 month old is. Either you are willing and able to do it or not.
I think quite a few young children are kinda high needs. For me, I may simply charge more in the future for kids that aren't walking yet.
Nurse Jackie 06:21 PM 05-25-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
They aren't going to fix anything.
Parents parent in ways and styles that work for them.
It's nearly impossible to "fix" what they are/aren't doing at home and certainly not in a few short weeks.
If the child is not adjusting and you've reached your limit, just give notice. He needs a different environment.
Nothing wrong with that. There's a right and wrong fit for everyone.
They aren't going to fix anything.
Parents parent in ways and styles that work for them.
It's nearly impossible to "fix" what they are/aren't doing at home and certainly not in a few short weeks.
If the child is not adjusting and you've reached your limit, just give notice. He needs a different environment.
Nothing wrong with that. There's a right and wrong fit for everyone.
Unregistered 06:30 PM 05-25-2016
Thank you for all the responses. As far as the development goes, the child is not able to stand unassisted at all for any amount of time. I was advised to encourage the parents to contact the early intervention services since the child is not standing. The moms response is oh "A" is just lazy but can stand, walk and talk. I havent seen the child do any of those things. Mom mentioned "A" is just a big cry baby as well, when I mentioned that we need to help the child be more independent and cry less during the day. This child is big for the age and is in 24 month clothes. Sometimes the mom will say "A" is so fat and cute I can't help but hold "A" all day . I don't think the parents will change much since it hasn't changed in 3 months although I was hopeful that the child would adjust and it would all balance out. I know it's time to term though because it's affecting the rest of the kids, when nap time is interrupted or an outing is cut short because "A" is not able to settle down once the crying begins. I will post back once I have spoken to the parents again. The child is on vacation again until Tuesday so I can already see how next week will be. I just think it's so unfair to the child and don't think that group care is the right fit.
daycarediva 10:31 AM 05-26-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
They aren't going to fix anything.
Parents parent in ways and styles that work for them.
It's nearly impossible to "fix" what they are/aren't doing at home and certainly not in a few short weeks.
If the child is not adjusting and you've reached your limit, just give notice. He needs a different environment.
Nothing wrong with that. There's a right and wrong fit for everyone.
They aren't going to fix anything.
Parents parent in ways and styles that work for them.
It's nearly impossible to "fix" what they are/aren't doing at home and certainly not in a few short weeks.
If the child is not adjusting and you've reached your limit, just give notice. He needs a different environment.
Nothing wrong with that. There's a right and wrong fit for everyone.
Hand them a termination notice with whatever time frame you are contractually obligated to give.
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Actually we are told to recommend being evaluated if the child is not standing unassisted (NOT walking but standing) by 12 months.
NOT walking until 16-18 months MAY fall into the normal range but I think the thinking is that IF early intervention is needed, the earlier the better so NOT standing unassisted by 13 months would be a flag for me.
Like I said, NOT that anything is wrong or not normal...but just so that it can be monitored and watched just in case.
My own ds didn't walk until he was 15 months. He was standing and walking on furniture though, and our pediatrician was still referring us to EI. Actually we are told to recommend being evaluated if the child is not standing unassisted (NOT walking but standing) by 12 months.
NOT walking until 16-18 months MAY fall into the normal range but I think the thinking is that IF early intervention is needed, the earlier the better so NOT standing unassisted by 13 months would be a flag for me.
Like I said, NOT that anything is wrong or not normal...but just so that it can be monitored and watched just in case.
It IS normal to not walk until that age, but it is at the absolute latest range of normal and that's when we need to think ahead about the potential for referral.