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Malmom 09:39 PM 08-02-2018
I am at my wits end with two of my dckís and Iím not sure what to do. Both will turn three next month, and neither of them are potty trained. The first one, dcb, has been holding his poop in for months. Maybe even a year. They give him miralax, prune juice on a daily basis and have even done suppositories. Nothing helps him be regular. He will hold it in for days at a time, only going just a small amount several times a day until he canít hold it in anymore. Then he cries and cries until he finally passes it.

In the past two months, dcg is starting to do the same. Hold it in, only letting a small amount pass each time. Between the two of them, Iím changing dirty diapers at least 4x a day on both of them. Itís ridiculous, and Iím frustrated. They should be potty training now, and dcbís parents seem to want him to be and work with him at home. DCGís parents seem to care less about it and donít seem to be working with her at home. I do sit her on the toilet but she never goes. Dcb will go for me if I sit him on it, but he never fully cleans himself out there. Just enough to not be so backed up.

Iíve tried telling their parents this isnít okay. Something is wrong. For dcb, this issue has been going on long enough that something really needs to be done. Dcgís Parents honestly donít seem too concerned. I tried telling them she needs miralax or some probiotics or something. Both of them have horrible diets. They eat crap. The boy barely eats enough to keep himself alive, and what they do send with him to eat (I donít provide lunch) is mostly pasta- lots of those microwaveable meals. With dcg, itís the same. Lots of spaghetti oís and lunchables. For breakfast and snack, I always try to feed healthy to make up for it. And I give them both lots of fresh fruit to help. But itís not.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I donít know I can keep doing this much longer. Changing 3-4 poppy diapers a day on both of them is taking a toll on me, and them!
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Josiegirl 03:24 AM 08-03-2018
It sounds like stress of potty training is getting to both of them. Even if they're 3 yos, if they're afraid, feel pushed, aren't really ready, then I'd step back a bit, fix their diet(parents need to help with this!!)and let nature take its course. There is no magic age to potty train a child, you have to let them lead most of the time because when they get pushed before they're physically/emotionally ready, problems happen.
Honestly, I can see where Mirelax or a suppository might be needed occasionally but I don't think you want to start a dependency like that, if what the child is dealing with is stress or fear.
I have 4 yo dc twins that were hard to train, then dcm offered special dolls and when new dolls ran out, they reverted to their old ways. They started training when they turned 3 yo, but it wasn't until they had turned 4 yo that they'd do bm.s in the potty. Because dcfs other dd had trained at 3 yo exactly, they figured the twins should be like that too. It's frustrating, for sure, but not a battle anyone is going to win until the child is comfortable and ready to do it themselves.
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boy_mom 04:39 AM 08-03-2018
Why should they be potty trained if neither of them are showing signs of readiness?

The children are probably picking up on your stress over their toileting habits and holding everything in. That's really their only form of control in a stressful situation.

Try to stop focusing on it. To me this would not be an issue, especially since the parents seem to not be worried. Sounds like you are making the way more stressful than it needs to be!
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Gemma 05:35 AM 08-03-2018
I wish I could help, but I'm having the same problem with one of my 3yr old

I'm not sure, wth happened to potty training? It used to be a leaned skill, no different than learning to walk, or talk, now it's a struggle more times than not
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Blackcat31 07:35 AM 08-03-2018
I am seeing this type of thing more frequently than I have in the past. I have no idea why some kids are like this and other aren't. I've had kids not ready to be trained hold their poop and I've had a child that was completely trained suddenly begin holding it as well. I have no commonality between the kids that do this and the kids that don't so I am assuming that is why it's so difficult to find a solution that works for each of them.

What I have been doing though is when a child becomes constipated enough that they are in physical pain, I call for pick up. I refuse to deal with a child in that condition.

As for the constant pooping that never really ends in their diaper.....I tell them to finish the entire job and then I will change them. I don't change them the minute I immediately see/smell that they have gone a tiny bit in their diapers. I will put them on the toilet at that point or I will wait a bit and then change them. If they start to go again.... I remove myself from the situation and call the parent..."Johnny is starting to eliminate his bowels. He will need some assistance and the comfort of home. See you shortly" and then I wait for the parent to come get their child.

If that helps/hurts the situation, I do not know but honestly I don't care either.... I know most these kids hold it as a way of control but I also believe that a combination of diet, parenting style and home life contribute FAR MORE than that and this is just not a subject or topic I've had a ton of experience with as I am just seeing it become more common in the last few years.

Either way, I don't' want to engage in it so I just call for pick up.
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Jupadia 08:13 AM 08-03-2018
I dont have much to offer you. My own kid did this and drove us nuts. He started holding it in soon after we started potty training. We tried rewards, taking away privilliages, fiber supplements (a couple different things recomend by friends and doctor). Lettting him choose when to sit and making him sit. He even switched to underwear both during day and at night and would still hold the poop in. It would be a week before we see something and then it was just bits at a time cause he could not hold it. Now 2 years later he finally seems to be getting it. But there are times where he still reverts and forgets how easy it's to do and tries to hold it in.

Time has been my only solution and lots of deep breathing (cause at times he has driven me up the wall with the issue). Hes the only kid I've trained or helped to train that holds it in like this.
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Snowmom 10:04 AM 08-03-2018
Originally Posted by Malmom:
Iíve tried telling their parents this isnít okay. Something is wrong. For dcb, this issue has been going on long enough that something really needs to be done. Dcgís Parents honestly donít seem too concerned. I tried telling them she needs miralax or some probiotics or something. Both of them have horrible diets. They eat crap. The boy barely eats enough to keep himself alive, and what they do send with him to eat (I donít provide lunch) is mostly pasta- lots of those microwaveable meals. With dcg, itís the same. Lots of spaghetti oís and lunchables. For breakfast and snack, I always try to feed healthy to make up for it. And I give them both lots of fresh fruit to help. But itís not.
To me, this is really the underlying issue to the child's problem.
You have no control over that. It's up to the family to change and them alone.
The only control you have is how you handle it at your house. Outline how you want to deal with the issue at daycare and let the parent know. Ex: if I need to change a diaper more than 2 times in an hour- child goes home. If the child is in pain- child goes home. Child will be required to have balanced meals while at daycare- hence packing one item from each food group for lunch (or whatever you choose).

I wouldn't push the PT either. That can really backfire on the child's progress.
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Country Kids 10:33 AM 08-03-2018
Does your state not require you to still have the kiddo's lunches to be USDA components even if they bring their own lunch?

I would start there, with healthier eating, and back away from the PT until you can get healthier eating going.

Also, kiddo's usually will have the first part of pt down pat and the pooping part usually does take awhile.
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Jiminycrickets 02:11 PM 08-03-2018
Have they been checked for lactose/dairy intolerance or allergies? Do they drink a lot of milk? Seems like lot of kids who won't eat much fill up on milk and then if they have even a mild milk digestion problem it can really do a number on their tummy.
I dealt with this with one of my current dck's right after she started, just after turning 3.
We (her parents and I) cut down her milk intake to the minimum and then I explained to her every single time, nicely and sympathetically (and I definitely didn't always feel super nice and sympathetic. ) that if we got "poopies" out right away they wouldn't hurt.
I was nice about it so she wouldn't feel anxious about it, but was not "okay" with it and made sure she knew she could and would have to fix it herself, if that makes sense.
It took a few months but she got it.
(Her parents think I'm a magic potty-training miracle worker. If only it were true, I could get my own 3 year old potty trained. )
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Tags:dietary needs, not ready for potty training, potty trained - not, potty training issues, potty training question, stressed, won't - poop
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