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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Sister Wants a Free Trial Day
Indoorvoice 12:50 PM 05-15-2015
My nephew is starting after Memorial day and I offered to do a half day trial day today for free because he will be my first infant since I've opened my daycare and I just wanted to see how I would do. He's a great baby by the way! Now mom is asking for a whole day next week and I'm sure she's probably thinking it will be free too since he doesn't officially start till after the holiday but I'm not willing to do a whole day for free. How can I word that nicely and how would you bring that up? I'm really terrible at finding words that get my point across without sounding terribly b*tchy.
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Unregistered 12:59 PM 05-15-2015
Originally Posted by Indoorvoice:
My nephew is starting after Memorial day and I offered to do a half day trial day today for free because he will be my first infant since I've opened my daycare and I just wanted to see how I would do. He's a great baby by the way! Now mom is asking for a whole day next week and I'm sure she's probably thinking it will be free too since he doesn't officially start till after the holiday but I'm not willing to do a whole day for free. How can I word that nicely and how would you bring that up? I'm really terrible at finding words that get my point across without sounding terribly b*tchy.
Just say that if she wants a full day, it will be $x amount, and if she wants to do the half day, you will do it at no charge. She can choose which one.
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Blackcat31 01:06 PM 05-15-2015
Originally Posted by Indoorvoice:
My nephew is starting after Memorial day and I offered to do a half day trial day today for free because he will be my first infant since I've opened my daycare and I just wanted to see how I would do. He's a great baby by the way! Now mom is asking for a whole day next week and I'm sure she's probably thinking it will be free too since he doesn't officially start till after the holiday but I'm not willing to do a whole day for free. How can I word that nicely and how would you bring that up? I'm really terrible at finding words that get my point across without sounding terribly b*tchy.

"Hey Sis! I have no issues with taking Baby a day next week but it won't be for free. I want to start my business off on the right foot and giving my services away for free isn't the best way to do that, I am sure you of all people understand where I am coming from. I promise I will love and care for Baby since I DO love him so but I still have to charge for my services. Thank you so much for supporting me in this new venture!"



If necessary use whatever she does for a living (let's say she is a nurse) and add in "If I sought out your services at your job, I would never expect you to do it for free" Sometimes that analogy helps them understand where you are coming from.

Family, friends and neighbors can (and will) give you the most trouble but ONLY if you allow them to or if you start off doing something that directly goes against your policies...you'll never be able to take it back and start getting them to follow the rules without a lot of messy chaos... It's always best to start off on the right foot instead.
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Indoorvoice 01:30 PM 05-15-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
If necessary use whatever she does for a living (let's say she is a nurse) and add in "If I sought out your services at your job, I would never expect you to do it for free" Sometimes that analogy helps them understand where you are coming from.

Family, friends and neighbors can (and will) give you the most trouble but ONLY if you allow them to or if you start off doing something that directly goes against your policies...you'll never be able to take it back and start getting them to follow the rules without a lot of messy chaos... It's always best to start off on the right foot instead.
Well she is a teacher at a daycare center so yes she SHOULD understand... But one of her first questions was if I would hold her spot for free if she was able to take summers off. I asked her if her center holds spots for free and she said no way. So I said, "well I guess you know my answer then!" So I can already see it is going to take some training on my part to get her to see the line we have drawn between family and daycare provider. Her dh is my dh's twin, so to say our families are close is an understatement. It's just tough to not sound uncaring in a situation like this. I love my nephew and would watch him for free if I could afford to be a stay at home mom, but alas, I can't!
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Blackcat31 01:44 PM 05-15-2015
Originally Posted by Indoorvoice:
Well she is a teacher at a daycare center so yes she SHOULD understand... But one of her first questions was if I would hold her spot for free if she was able to take summers off. I asked her if her center holds spots for free and she said no way. So I said, "well I guess you know my answer then!" So I can already see it is going to take some training on my part to get her to see the line we have drawn between family and daycare provider. Her dh is my dh's twin, so to say our families are close is an understatement. It's just tough to not sound uncaring in a situation like this. I love my nephew and would watch him for free if I could afford to be a stay at home mom, but alas, I can't!
Then that ^^^ (bolded) is your huckleberry.

Tell your sister that if you could, you would but you can't and for her to expect that or to push the issue is really disrespecting you and your needs.

She is getting something that NOT many daycare parents get. She is getting the assurance that you WILL love her child like your own because you do. She will never get that somewhere else. Somewhere else, her son would be the same as any other daycare child and because of that, she shouldn't even think that it is okay to expect you to do all that for free or at a discounted rate. She should HAPPILY pay you for providing something a lot of providers cant.

I totally understand the family situation too... my mom and her sister are married to brothers (they got married on the same day in a double wedding too) so I get that. I had both my cousins children in care (they were like sisters to me) and they both understood that this is my business and the perk I give them is not monetary at all but "family" instead....you just can't buy that kind of care or love for your child.
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Unregistered 08:47 PM 05-15-2015
Make sure you define a half day!!! Some may think half day is 4 hours others might think 10 hours
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biglou 06:28 PM 05-18-2015
Indoor Voice- interesting name. Now is the time to speak up for yourself. You already have two red flags- free day and free summers off with seat waiting for her-
time to make a decision- love your family and friends or love yourself. Do yourself a favor and create a rule-no business with family, friends or close neighbors.
In the end, you will be happier.
Your sister, has already offered you two rotten deals and she knows it!

Big Lou
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MarinaVanessa 06:54 PM 05-18-2015
I'm curious why you're offering a free half day if she's your sister??? I mean, she's your sister so it's not like she doesn't know you. I mean she of all people should know that you aren't going to neglect her child

I don't even offer free days to people that don't know me from Adam and they've never met me before. I do ask them to come in for a 45 minute playdate so that I can see what the parent-child dynamic is but that's only 45 minutes and one parent has to come with the child and the parent is in charge of supervision. I see a potential problem brewing if you offered a free half-day and now your sis expects a full free day too.

One thing about family and sometimes even friends is that you (as a provider) expect them to to have common courtesy and be especially diligent in following your policies because they are family and they (as family/friends) expect you to be okay with letting them slide on policies and treat them "special".

I watched my nephew for my SIL a few years back, gave her a discount and let her slide on a lot of things and ... well let's just say that it didn't end well ... it rarely ever does.
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Unregistered 07:11 PM 05-18-2015
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
I'm curious why you're offering a free half day if she's your sister??? I mean, she's your sister so it's not like she doesn't know you. I mean she of all people should know that you aren't going to neglect her child

I don't even offer free days to people that don't know me from Adam and they've never met me before. I do ask them to come in for a 45 minute playdate so that I can see what the parent-child dynamic is but that's only 45 minutes and one parent has to come with the child and the parent is in charge of supervision. I see a potential problem brewing if you offered a free half-day and now your sis expects a full free day too.
I was thinking the same thing
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rosieteddy 06:10 AM 05-19-2015
If you have already done the free half day then I would say no.The reason being you need to get infant equipment in place(even if this is a fib).Tell your sister that you will start on your previous start date.Try to stick with it.Explain that you want the other children in the new routine.(even if there isn't one)When we start new infants feeding them finding out how to get them to nap does take time.Parents of new babies know what caring for one child takes.She should defineately understand if she works at a center.This is an important time for you,the beginning of a daycare relationship.I would explain the rules and policies .Right from the start I would say that though you have a special relationship with both the baby and your sister that you need to follow your policies.Nothing starts a problem quicker than special treatment other clients will notice and follow suit.Good luck.
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Blackcat31 06:37 AM 05-19-2015
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
I'm curious why you're offering a free half day if she's your sister??? I mean, she's your sister so it's not like she doesn't know you. I mean she of all people should know that you aren't going to neglect her child

I don't even offer free days to people that don't know me from Adam and they've never met me before. I do ask them to come in for a 45 minute playdate so that I can see what the parent-child dynamic is but that's only 45 minutes and one parent has to come with the child and the parent is in charge of supervision. I see a potential problem brewing if you offered a free half-day and now your sis expects a full free day too.

One thing about family and sometimes even friends is that you (as a provider) expect them to to have common courtesy and be especially diligent in following your policies because they are family and they (as family/friends) expect you to be okay with letting them slide on policies and treat them "special".

I watched my nephew for my SIL a few years back, gave her a discount and let her slide on a lot of things and ... well let's just say that it didn't end well ... it rarely ever does.
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I was thinking the same thing
OP said it was HER first day with an infant in a long time. I am thinking the free day was for the PROVIDER to get comfy with caring for an infant, not the other way around.

Also, another thought is that the sister is a first time mom and I don't care who you are but as a first time mom it's hard to leave your baby with anyone...even family.
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Indoorvoice 07:19 AM 05-19-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
OP said it was HER first day with an infant in a long time. I am thinking the free day was for the PROVIDER to get comfy with caring for an infant, not the other way around.

Also, another thought is that the sister is a first time mom and I don't care who you are but as a first time mom it's hard to leave your baby with anyone...even family.
Yes, this is exactly it. I haven't cared for an infant since I opened my daycare. I have mostly had the 1. 5-3 year old crowd so I really wanted to do this for my benefit on one of my slow days so I could see how the baby acted away from mom and also so I could see how I would have to alter my routine. Mom was at home less than 5 minutes away and knew if I had any problems that she had to drop what she was doing and come get him.

Also, she is my sister in law, not my blood sister. Her dh is my dh's twin, so while we are close, it's not like we are friends or talk every day so I imagine while it's easier leaving her son with me than someone she doesn't know, it's still going to be hard for her.

I did have a meeting with them when they first inquired about the possibility of me being their provider, and explained all my policies. I gathered right from that meeting that they were going to expect special a lot, so I am preparing myself to have to be tough on my policies. I brought it up here because while I do want to be tough with them, I also want to be careful with my words because I am terrible at sounding angry when I want to be firm. I know many providers in this forum are great with words, so whenever I have to send a tough message to a family, I usually run the situation by you guys first so I can gather my thoughts and say what I mean without being a jerk.

I did talk to them about paying for a whole day if they needed it, and they declined to use it! So wish me luck when I start next week! I know it's going to be a crazy situation and a lot of providers would never mix business with family, but I feel it is kind of expected from me amongst our families. I'm hoping I can run things by everyone in this forum when I'm in need of advice.
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Thriftylady 10:37 AM 05-19-2015
My best advice at this point is to hold to your policies now. If you give an inch now, they will always expect it. Just went though that myself and it wasn't with family.
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Unregistered 02:36 PM 05-19-2015
op good luck I hope everything turns out good for you
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MarinaVanessa 06:23 PM 05-19-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
OP said it was HER first day with an infant in a long time. I am thinking the free day was for the PROVIDER to get comfy with caring for an infant, not the other way around.

Also, another thought is that the sister is a first time mom and I don't care who you are but as a first time mom it's hard to leave your baby with anyone...even family.
Ahh ok, gotcha
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KidGrind 06:41 PM 05-20-2015
Originally Posted by indoorvoice:
yes, this is exactly it. I haven't cared for an infant since i opened my daycare. I have mostly had the 1. 5-3 year old crowd so i really wanted to do this for my benefit on one of my slow days so i could see how the baby acted away from mom and also so i could see how i would have to alter my routine. Mom was at home less than 5 minutes away and knew if i had any problems that she had to drop what she was doing and come get him.

Also, she is my sister in law, not my blood sister. Her dh is my dh's twin, so while we are close, it's not like we are friends or talk every day so i imagine while it's easier leaving her son with me than someone she doesn't know, it's still going to be hard for her.

I did have a meeting with them when they first inquired about the possibility of me being their provider, and explained all my policies. I gathered right from that meeting that they were going to expect special a lot, so i am preparing myself to have to be tough on my policies. I brought it up here because while i do want to be tough with them, i also want to be careful with my words because i am terrible at sounding angry when i want to be firm. I know many providers in this forum are great with words, so whenever i have to send a tough message to a family, i usually run the situation by you guys first so i can gather my thoughts and say what i mean without being a jerk.

I did talk to them about paying for a whole day if they needed it, and they declined to use it! So wish me luck when i start next week! I know it's going to be a crazy situation and a lot of providers would never mix business with family, but i feel it is kind of expected from me amongst our families. I'm hoping i can run things by everyone in this forum when i'm in need of advice.
good luck!
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