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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Mom's Relaxed I Am Structured
blessed mom 08:29 PM 12-06-2011
So mom is really relaxed with her highly intelligent strong willed one, and I am much more structured and controlling of the child's behavior. I would not say overly controlling but yes when I say no don't stand on the chair for example...even when the child is 15 months...I expect the child to stop after being redirected, and especially after the third (or more) time and even more so after days and days of redirecting over the same thing. Especially when the child looks me in the eye while doing it...knowing it's a "no no". I have talked with mom and told her she needs to set some boundaries. She hears me but also comments about how she doesn't need to be overly controlling. So...I can see this causing problems down the road since the child gets different rules although I know kids adapt and will readily act one way at my place and different at home. Do I need to worry. I simply adore this child, and generally the child is very good and always in a great mood...the child just needs to be redirected a lot from doing exactly what the child is not supposed to do. Any advice?
sahm2three 08:44 PM 12-06-2011
Originally Posted by blessed mom:
So mom is really relaxed with her highly intelligent strong willed one, and I am much more structured and controlling of the child's behavior. I would not say overly controlling but yes when I say no don't stand on the chair for example...even when the child is 15 months...I expect the child to stop after being redirected, and especially after the third (or more) time and even more so after days and days of redirecting over the same thing. Especially when the child looks me in the eye while doing it...knowing it's a "no no". I have talked with mom and told her she needs to set some boundaries. She hears me but also comments about how she doesn't need to be overly controlling. So...I can see this causing problems down the road since the child gets different rules although I know kids adapt and will readily act one way at my place and different at home. Do I need to worry. I simply adore this child, and generally the child is very good and always in a great mood...the child just needs to be redirected a lot from doing exactly what the child is not supposed to do. Any advice?
I have a 2.5 yo boy I have coined the "naughty boy" whose parents sound a lot like this. He has lots of very nasty behaviors, that even though I have redirected and given him consequences for it, he still does them. I know that he pretty much has free rein at home to do whatever he wants. Today, I was talking to dad about some of the behaviors he was having today, and all the while, he was kicking at his dad, attempting to kick at me, saying no and spitting at us both. And he just kept saying, "X, you have to be nice. Hey now." So mom is really relaxed with her highly intelligent strong willed one, and I am much more structured and controlling of the child's behavior. I would not say overly controlling but yes when I say no don't stand on the chair for example...even when the child is 15 months...I expect the child to stop after being redirected, and especially after the third (or more) time and even more so after days and days of redirecting over the same thing. Especially when the child looks me in the eye while doing it...knowing it's a "no no". I have talked with mom and told her she needs to set some boundaries. She hears me but also comments about how she doesn't need to be overly controlling. So...I can see this causing problems down the road since the child gets different rules although I know kids adapt and will readily act one way at my place and different at home. Do I need to worry. I simply adore this child, and generally the child is very good and always in a great mood...the child just needs to be redirected a lot from doing exactly what the child is not supposed to do. Any advice?
Things will never change. His "D Day" is next Friday. Things just aren't improving, and it isn't fair to me or the rest of the kids in care to continue to care for him. Sorry, went off on my own tangent. It is hard when the rules are different at home, or there is a lack of rules. It is amazing to me how much redirecting I have to do every day, to the same kids, for the same things. With my own kids, I would redirect them a few times, and they learned. Not these kids. What the heck?!!?
MNMum 09:21 PM 12-06-2011
I'm fairly new to home daycare, so anyone go ahead and correct me. I have found I am a lot more structured and rule oriented than all of my daycare parents. I have to be, I have 6 kids 3 and under. I was much more relaxed with my own children. Now I don't have time to give them many many chances. I'm not sure if this child you are talking about is 15 mos old. If so, I have one that sounds very similar. She is a smiley little thing, but very busy. Starting to talk a lot. A second child. I have found creating her own play area (toddler zone) to solve most of the problems I was having (climbing on preschooler chairs, then table dancing...massive toy destruction...etc). I still let her out into the main play area at times, but if I need to redirect too often, then back to her toddler zone. This creates more harmony between us 
Kaddidle Care 03:40 AM 12-07-2011
Preaching to the Choir dear! 
It's the rare parent that puts their child in full time childcare that actually knows how to parent effectively. They're leaving it up to you to raise up their child. Best wishes.
It's the rare parent that puts their child in full time childcare that actually knows how to parent effectively. They're leaving it up to you to raise up their child. Best wishes.
Meeko 04:59 AM 12-07-2011
These kinds of parents drive me nuts. They are the ones who suddenly realize they NEED to be in control when it's too late.
It's too late to be the parent when the 17 year old tells them he IS taking the car and he WILL be out all night and he doesn't care WHAT they think or want.
It all starts with letting the child stand on the chair instead of insisting on rules.
Just keep doing what you are and hopefully you can ward off some the inevitable damage this mother is doing to her child.
It's too late to be the parent when the 17 year old tells them he IS taking the car and he WILL be out all night and he doesn't care WHAT they think or want.
It all starts with letting the child stand on the chair instead of insisting on rules.
Just keep doing what you are and hopefully you can ward off some the inevitable damage this mother is doing to her child.
cheerfuldom 06:00 AM 12-07-2011
dont even try to change the parents. either you can deal with it at daycare or the child needs to be replaced. generally, the parents are not going to care until it becomes their problem. if you keep bringing up the same complaints over and over, after mom is already not going to do anything about it, the mom may get defensive or even pull her daughter because she will view your comments as complaints or as indications that you cannot keep your kids under control. I never tell the parents anything unless it becomes a term/dont term issue. Mostly that would be prolonged crying with no resolution, aggressive behavior, or something that I seriously cannot handle.
Heidi 06:24 AM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
dont even try to change the parents. either you can deal with it at daycare or the child needs to be replaced. generally, the parents are not going to care until it becomes their problem. if you keep bringing up the same complaints over and over, after mom is already not going to do anything about it, the mom may get defensive or even pull her daughter because she will view your comments as complaints or as indications that you cannot keep your kids under control. I never tell the parents anything unless it becomes a term/dont term issue. Mostly that would be prolonged crying with no resolution, aggressive behavior, or something that I seriously cannot handle.
Yes, that's for sure!dont even try to change the parents. either you can deal with it at daycare or the child needs to be replaced. generally, the parents are not going to care until it becomes their problem. if you keep bringing up the same complaints over and over, after mom is already not going to do anything about it, the mom may get defensive or even pull her daughter because she will view your comments as complaints or as indications that you cannot keep your kids under control. I never tell the parents anything unless it becomes a term/dont term issue. Mostly that would be prolonged crying with no resolution, aggressive behavior, or something that I seriously cannot handle.
You cannot control what they do at home. You have a right to set rules in your home that promote safety, harmony, and your sanity! She will learn the difference, but there will be times when it's a challenge. Most notablly, at drop off or pick up (changing of the guard=chaos).
I have it extra fun-my 15 mo's from this type of situation are twins, so they double up on me. Sib 3yo and 4yo aren't much better with boundries. If you don't teach them at 15 months, they wont know at 3 or 4, certainly not at 14. Luckily, we don't have to see that part!
nnHonestly, I know these are loving, caring parents. They are just so busy coping with everything in the short term, the long term doesn't even come into play. It's as simple as expecting a 3yo to take off her own shoes. Mom is trying to help 4 children at the same time, two of which CAN do it themselves, but they play her. Very hard to watch!
youretooloud 07:27 AM 12-07-2011
I am very free range, and relaxed. I let them stand on the chairs, but I might go stand next to him just in case.
They are allowed on top of the white table, but not on the other two tables. They can use the cube chairs for climbing, but not the blue angels chairs.
We have indoor climbers, trampolines, and some adult excersize equipment that they can use. They can climb, jump, and throw themselves down til their hearts content. I don't control any of that.
WHen the weather is nice, the doors are open, and they can roam freely in and out as they like. I don't control that either.
But, I have rules, and I stick to those rules. I'm not at all wishy washy about the rules. So, the kids know that when I say something, I mean it. I rarely stop them from doing anything.
One rule is, "If you can get on top of the stool, and back down again by yourself, you can be up there... if you need help, you can't be up there". Same with the jungle gym. I've had parents of three year olds gasp because their child was standing on the top of the jungle gym. I look at them like they are insane... I have 12 month olds who can get up there. Why freak out over a three year old?
Anyway... I like being free range. I think the kids learn more, and are more independent.
They are allowed on top of the white table, but not on the other two tables. They can use the cube chairs for climbing, but not the blue angels chairs.
We have indoor climbers, trampolines, and some adult excersize equipment that they can use. They can climb, jump, and throw themselves down til their hearts content. I don't control any of that.
WHen the weather is nice, the doors are open, and they can roam freely in and out as they like. I don't control that either.
But, I have rules, and I stick to those rules. I'm not at all wishy washy about the rules. So, the kids know that when I say something, I mean it. I rarely stop them from doing anything.
One rule is, "If you can get on top of the stool, and back down again by yourself, you can be up there... if you need help, you can't be up there". Same with the jungle gym. I've had parents of three year olds gasp because their child was standing on the top of the jungle gym. I look at them like they are insane... I have 12 month olds who can get up there. Why freak out over a three year old?
Anyway... I like being free range. I think the kids learn more, and are more independent.
MarinaVanessa 07:42 AM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
One rule is, "If you can get on top of the stool, and back down again by yourself, you can be up there... if you need help, you can't be up there". Same with the jungle gym. I've had parents of three year olds gasp because their child was standing on the top of the jungle gym. I look at them like they are insane... I have 12 month olds who can get up there. Why freak out over a three year old?
Anyway... I like being free range. I think the kids learn more, and are more independent.
This reminds me of Magda Gerber's approach of "Educaring" (RIE).One rule is, "If you can get on top of the stool, and back down again by yourself, you can be up there... if you need help, you can't be up there". Same with the jungle gym. I've had parents of three year olds gasp because their child was standing on the top of the jungle gym. I look at them like they are insane... I have 12 month olds who can get up there. Why freak out over a three year old?
Anyway... I like being free range. I think the kids learn more, and are more independent.
"infants should be left to explore a child-safe environment with minimal adult intervention, because “spontaneous, self-initiated activities have an essential value". I'm much the same
http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/03...to-child-care/
Michelle 07:44 AM 12-07-2011
You're too loud,
Are you current on all your first aid training?
Are you current on all your first aid training?
Heidi 07:59 AM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
This reminds me of Magda Gerber's approach of "Educaring" (RIE).
"infants should be left to explore a child-safe environment with minimal adult intervention, because “spontaneous, self-initiated activities have an essential value". I'm much the same
http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/03...to-child-care/
That's funny..I spend a lot of time on Janet's site. Some I agree with, some I don't.This reminds me of Magda Gerber's approach of "Educaring" (RIE).
"infants should be left to explore a child-safe environment with minimal adult intervention, because “spontaneous, self-initiated activities have an essential value". I'm much the same
http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/03...to-child-care/
The only problem is, nothing is truly toddler proof. My 15mo old twins just pulled down my wooden refrigerator, something they shouldn't be able to do. Of course, al the shelving units in the room are secured, but I didn't think they could budge that thing.
I had a friend who found her 2 year old on TOP OF THE REFRIGERATOR. Teddy Grahams were in the cabinet above. My ex and I also once found the same child on top of a huge stack of oil cans at Menards. Thankfully, he survived his early childhood and he is 18 now.
I, too, let them climb certain places, but I also want them to learn that this is my home. The playroom is very limited on "no's", but the rest of the house is my space, and they need to respect it. My couches are not for jumping on, for instance.
MarinaVanessa 08:13 AM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by bbo:
I, too, let them climb certain places, but I also want them to learn that this is my home. The playroom is very limited on "no's", but the rest of the house is my space, and they need to respect it. My couches are not for jumping on, for instance.
I get that, I'm also like this too. I have rules set in place to keep them safe and yes I set boundaries and instead of just saying "no" I offer an alternative to whatever they are doing. "Instead of jumping on the couch, let's go play hopscotch", "Instead of drawing on the walls, let's draw on the concrete with chalk" etc. I, too, let them climb certain places, but I also want them to learn that this is my home. The playroom is very limited on "no's", but the rest of the house is my space, and they need to respect it. My couches are not for jumping on, for instance.
I do think that a child no matter how young should be allowed to truly see where their physical boundaries are and yes, nothing is truly child proof but just because that's true that doesn't mean that we shouldn't let the children play with anything.
I let the babies (under 1yo) climb here on wooden crates and boxes (smooth). They're all different sizes and some get flipped upside down and grouped together to create platforms and obsticles. My infants climb in, climb on, climb over and stand on these boxes. Parents have given me this face
and I just ask them to watch as their infant successfully maneuvers around them. I have had parents request that I not allow their infant to play on the wooden crates and boxes and I of course complied but I found that it was these children that were inept at climbing and balance and they were more prone to accidents. Possibly because they were not allowed to fully practice their physical skills? The other babies that were allowed to play on these and later on more difficult structures mastered certain skills faster and were better at these than the kids that were not allowed to. The infants that could not play on the crates later (at about 2) would be almost "afraid" of the playground structures at the park and wouldn't even climb on the steps to get onto it for a while, the other 2yo's that were more free could climb all over the pre-school playground and slide down the slide on their own efficiently. I did a project for school about it, it was really interesting.We need to learn to trust our children, we don't give their physical capabilities enough credit. Has a baby lost balanced and bonked themeselves? Sure. But they have also done that simply from walking around my living room on the carpet. I think that supervision is key also, obviously I don't let the kids climb without supervising them as I'm sure that neither does yourtooloud. You'd be amazed at what an infant, let alone a toddler or older child, can do if you trust them and let them work on their large motor development. It's also great on their self esteem.
youretooloud 08:14 AM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
You're too loud,
Are you current on all your first aid training?
Of course. But, in over 30 years, nobody has ever had an accident. You're too loud,
Are you current on all your first aid training?
You clearly think it's wrong, but I have long term proof that letting kids learn and try and try again is better than controlling their entire environment.
I just make their environment safe to explore.
youretooloud 08:17 AM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by bbo:
I, too, let them climb certain places, but I also want them to learn that this is my home. The playroom is very limited on "no's", but the rest of the house is my space, and they need to respect it. My couches are not for jumping on, for instance.
True...The kids don't even go in the rooms with our family furniture. They have tons of space that is just for them. All their furniture is kid sized.I, too, let them climb certain places, but I also want them to learn that this is my home. The playroom is very limited on "no's", but the rest of the house is my space, and they need to respect it. My couches are not for jumping on, for instance.
Heidi 08:35 AM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
I get that, I'm also like this too. I have rules set in place to keep them safe and yes I set boundaries and instead of just saying "no" I offer an alternative to whatever they are doing. "Instead of jumping on the couch, let's go play hopscotch", "Instead of drawing on the walls, let's draw on the concrete with chalk" etc.
I do think that a child no matter how young should be allowed to truly see where their physical boundaries are and yes, nothing is truly child proof but just because that's true that doesn't mean that we shouldn't let the children play with anything.
I let the babies (under 1yo) climb here on wooden crates and boxes (smooth). They're all different sizes and some get flipped upside down and grouped together to create platforms and obsticles. My infants climb in, climb on, climb over and stand on these boxes. Parents have given me this face and I just ask them to watch as their infant successfully maneuvers around them. I have had parents request that I not allow their infant to play on the wooden crates and boxes and I of course complied but I found that it was these children that were inept at climbing and balance and they were more prone to accidents. Possibly because they were not allowed to fully practice their physical skills? The other babies that were allowed to play on these and later on more difficult structures mastered certain skills faster and were better at these than the kids that were not allowed to. The infants that could not play on the crates later (at about 2) would be almost "afraid" of the playground structures at the park and wouldn't even climb on the steps to get onto it for a while, the other 2yo's that were more free could climb all over the pre-school playground and slide down the slide on their own efficiently. I did a project for school about it, it was really interesting.
We need to learn to trust our children, we don't give their physical capabilities enough credit. Has a baby lost balanced and bonked themeselves? Sure. But they have also done that simply from walking around my living room on the carpet. I think that supervision is key also, obviously I don't let the kids climb without supervising them as I'm sure that neither does yourtooloud. You'd be amazed at what an infant, let alone a toddler or older child, can do if you trust them and let them work on their large motor development. It's also great on their self esteem.
Marina-do you have any pics of your environment?I get that, I'm also like this too. I have rules set in place to keep them safe and yes I set boundaries and instead of just saying "no" I offer an alternative to whatever they are doing. "Instead of jumping on the couch, let's go play hopscotch", "Instead of drawing on the walls, let's draw on the concrete with chalk" etc.
I do think that a child no matter how young should be allowed to truly see where their physical boundaries are and yes, nothing is truly child proof but just because that's true that doesn't mean that we shouldn't let the children play with anything.
I let the babies (under 1yo) climb here on wooden crates and boxes (smooth). They're all different sizes and some get flipped upside down and grouped together to create platforms and obsticles. My infants climb in, climb on, climb over and stand on these boxes. Parents have given me this face
and I just ask them to watch as their infant successfully maneuvers around them. I have had parents request that I not allow their infant to play on the wooden crates and boxes and I of course complied but I found that it was these children that were inept at climbing and balance and they were more prone to accidents. Possibly because they were not allowed to fully practice their physical skills? The other babies that were allowed to play on these and later on more difficult structures mastered certain skills faster and were better at these than the kids that were not allowed to. The infants that could not play on the crates later (at about 2) would be almost "afraid" of the playground structures at the park and wouldn't even climb on the steps to get onto it for a while, the other 2yo's that were more free could climb all over the pre-school playground and slide down the slide on their own efficiently. I did a project for school about it, it was really interesting.We need to learn to trust our children, we don't give their physical capabilities enough credit. Has a baby lost balanced and bonked themeselves? Sure. But they have also done that simply from walking around my living room on the carpet. I think that supervision is key also, obviously I don't let the kids climb without supervising them as I'm sure that neither does yourtooloud. You'd be amazed at what an infant, let alone a toddler or older child, can do if you trust them and let them work on their large motor development. It's also great on their self esteem.
I recently changed out the table in my infant & toddler area. The 20" one was always being climbed on, so I traded it for a 10" one. Now, it is no longer a "no" , because it is safe. Much better since then!
Unregistered 09:39 AM 12-07-2011
what happens at daycare happens at daycare and what happens at home happens at home. To a point of course.
Honestly, I don't think that it was fair of you to tell the parent how to be a parent when the child is in their home.
Yes it's annoying that the child has two different set of rules, but you can't police what parents do with their child at home or tell them how to do it.
It sounds like you need to change the environment of your daycare setup so that this does not continue to be a problem. Make this child's environment a "Yes" environment where he CAN do things.
Also, I think that it has a lot to do with how much time the child spends with you and at home. Are they there full time? If they are part time, then you could be beating a dead horse.
Honestly, I don't think that it was fair of you to tell the parent how to be a parent when the child is in their home.
Yes it's annoying that the child has two different set of rules, but you can't police what parents do with their child at home or tell them how to do it.
It sounds like you need to change the environment of your daycare setup so that this does not continue to be a problem. Make this child's environment a "Yes" environment where he CAN do things.
Also, I think that it has a lot to do with how much time the child spends with you and at home. Are they there full time? If they are part time, then you could be beating a dead horse.
MarinaVanessa 10:02 AM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by bbo:
Marina-do you have any pics of your environment?
I don't I'm sorry, I actually don't even have infants under 1yo right now so I don't have the crates out. I did until a few weeks ago but my son is 1 now and he's the youngest in my group and he's already outgrown the crates, he wants to play with the older kids and lost interest in them. It's nothing special believe me, they're all just wooden crates and boxes that the Melissa & Doug toys come in. The bigger the toys, the bigger the crate/box. When I have them out I just put the boxes on the area rug for the babies in random order in various sizes and flip most over to create different levels and obstacles. Marina-do you have any pics of your environment?
They're all wood but no sharp corners or anything. Sometimes if the kids are closer to their first year and they are really good at getting around the obstacles I may make the "structure" taller by flipping a large plastic bin over and making that the middle but like I said, it's not really anything special. I have a small space and a small yard (condo) so I don't have room for a playground here. We have toddler slides and such but not a real playground. For that we go to a park that's a short walk away that has a toddler park for the littles and a bigger playground right next to it for the older kids (age 5 and up). We go there 3 to 4 times a week, more when we can. I have to get creative with our activities and use of space
These are some examples of what I mean. I bought several sets of the big block sets and the blocks come in wooden boxes. The crates are from the food sets. I have others but I'm not sure what toys came with them. I've had them for years.
http://www.melissaanddoug.com/cutting-food
http://www.bestpricetoys.com/Melissa-and-Doug-0271/
sahm2three 01:28 PM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
I don't I'm sorry, I actually don't even have infants under 1yo right now so I don't have the crates out. I did until a few weeks ago but my son is 1 now and he's the youngest in my group and he's already outgrown the crates, he wants to play with the older kids and lost interest in them. It's nothing special believe me, they're all just wooden crates and boxes that the Melissa & Doug toys come in. The bigger the toys, the bigger the crate/box. When I have them out I just put the boxes on the area rug for the babies in random order in various sizes and flip most over to create different levels and obstacles.
They're all wood but no sharp corners or anything. Sometimes if the kids are closer to their first year and they are really good at getting around the obstacles I may make the "structure" taller by flipping a large plastic bin over and making that the middle but like I said, it's not really anything special. I have a small space and a small yard (condo) so I don't have room for a playground here. We have toddler slides and such but not a real playground. For that we go to a park that's a short walk away that has a toddler park for the littles and a bigger playground right next to it for the older kids (age 5 and up). We go there 3 to 4 times a week, more when we can. I have to get creative with our activities and use of space
These are some examples of what I mean. I bought several sets of the big block sets and the blocks come in wooden boxes. The crates are from the food sets. I have others but I'm not sure what toys came with them. I've had them for years.
http://www.melissaanddoug.com/cutting-food
http://www.bestpricetoys.com/Melissa-and-Doug-0271/
I had wooden blocks as a kid and loved them. However, the group I have would use them as weapons and I would be explaining black eyes and bumps and bruises constantly. I don't I'm sorry, I actually don't even have infants under 1yo right now so I don't have the crates out. I did until a few weeks ago but my son is 1 now and he's the youngest in my group and he's already outgrown the crates, he wants to play with the older kids and lost interest in them. It's nothing special believe me, they're all just wooden crates and boxes that the Melissa & Doug toys come in. The bigger the toys, the bigger the crate/box. When I have them out I just put the boxes on the area rug for the babies in random order in various sizes and flip most over to create different levels and obstacles.
They're all wood but no sharp corners or anything. Sometimes if the kids are closer to their first year and they are really good at getting around the obstacles I may make the "structure" taller by flipping a large plastic bin over and making that the middle but like I said, it's not really anything special. I have a small space and a small yard (condo) so I don't have room for a playground here. We have toddler slides and such but not a real playground. For that we go to a park that's a short walk away that has a toddler park for the littles and a bigger playground right next to it for the older kids (age 5 and up). We go there 3 to 4 times a week, more when we can. I have to get creative with our activities and use of space
These are some examples of what I mean. I bought several sets of the big block sets and the blocks come in wooden boxes. The crates are from the food sets. I have others but I'm not sure what toys came with them. I've had them for years.
http://www.melissaanddoug.com/cutting-food
http://www.bestpricetoys.com/Melissa-and-Doug-0271/
I can't imagine letting them climb all over the place. They would be pushing eachother off of things. I have a group of about 4 boys that are super rough and are too physical with eachother.
MarinaVanessa 01:35 PM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
I had wooden blocks as a kid and loved them. However, the group I have would use them as weapons and I would be explaining black eyes and bumps and bruises constantly. I can't imagine letting them climb all over the place. They would be pushing eachother off of things. I have a group of about 4 boys that are super rough and are too physical with eachother.
I have 5 boys and my own DS (the 1yo). I also have 2 DCG's and my own DD but I don't have that issue. I never have actually, they all follow the rules I had wooden blocks as a kid and loved them. However, the group I have would use them as weapons and I would be explaining black eyes and bumps and bruises constantly.
I can't imagine letting them climb all over the place. They would be pushing eachother off of things. I have a group of about 4 boys that are super rough and are too physical with eachother.
sahm2three 06:00 PM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
I have 5 boys and my own DS (the 1yo). I also have 2 DCG's and my own DD but I don't have that issue. I never have actually, they all follow the rules
I am telling you all, I think I have the kids who would be beaten in another daycare, lol! I joke, but seriously, very trying kids. I think my issues come from parenting issues. Or lack there of. I think in the future I will ask what their parenting philosophy is. Because it is pretty frustrating to fight the battles alone.I have 5 boys and my own DS (the 1yo). I also have 2 DCG's and my own DD but I don't have that issue. I never have actually, they all follow the rules
blessed mom 07:07 PM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
what happens at daycare happens at daycare and what happens at home happens at home. To a point of course.
Honestly, I don't think that it was fair of you to tell the parent how to be a parent when the child is in their home.
Yes it's annoying that the child has two different set of rules, but you can't police what parents do with their child at home or tell them how to do it.
It sounds like you need to change the environment of your daycare setup so that this does not continue to be a problem. Make this child's environment a "Yes" environment where he CAN do things.
Also, I think that it has a lot to do with how much time the child spends with you and at home. Are they there full time? If they are part time, then you could be beating a dead horse.
In this particular situation mom is a very young single mother and welcomes all feedback from me. The child is full time and mom has a long commute. I have the child most of the time. Mom is very loving and involved, however also very tired with the long work schedule. what happens at daycare happens at daycare and what happens at home happens at home. To a point of course.
Honestly, I don't think that it was fair of you to tell the parent how to be a parent when the child is in their home.
Yes it's annoying that the child has two different set of rules, but you can't police what parents do with their child at home or tell them how to do it.
It sounds like you need to change the environment of your daycare setup so that this does not continue to be a problem. Make this child's environment a "Yes" environment where he CAN do things.
Also, I think that it has a lot to do with how much time the child spends with you and at home. Are they there full time? If they are part time, then you could be beating a dead horse.
I am not sure where you get that my home is not a "yes" environment. My home is a yes environment. Kids play and learn inside and outside, and we have a very creative hands on learning style. Some things are off limits and maybe I am wrong to expect my no to be no...but I don't think so. It really doesn't matter what the "no" rule is in my opinion...no means no...it is part of teaching them for future success in life. Seems kind of silly to debate rules in this thread.
All that aside, I love this child and have no plans to have them exit my program. I guess I was just wondering if others have experienced similar things and if so how was it handled with the parents if at all.
Lianne 07:12 PM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
I get that, I'm also like this too. I have rules set in place to keep them safe and yes I set boundaries and instead of just saying "no" I offer an alternative to whatever they are doing. "Instead of jumping on the couch, let's go play hopscotch", "Instead of drawing on the walls, let's draw on the concrete with chalk" etc.
I do think that a child no matter how young should be allowed to truly see where their physical boundaries are and yes, nothing is truly child proof but just because that's true that doesn't mean that we shouldn't let the children play with anything.
I let the babies (under 1yo) climb here on wooden crates and boxes (smooth). They're all different sizes and some get flipped upside down and grouped together to create platforms and obsticles. My infants climb in, climb on, climb over and stand on these boxes. Parents have given me this face and I just ask them to watch as their infant successfully maneuvers around them. I have had parents request that I not allow their infant to play on the wooden crates and boxes and I of course complied but I found that it was these children that were inept at climbing and balance and they were more prone to accidents. Possibly because they were not allowed to fully practice their physical skills? The other babies that were allowed to play on these and later on more difficult structures mastered certain skills faster and were better at these than the kids that were not allowed to. The infants that could not play on the crates later (at about 2) would be almost "afraid" of the playground structures at the park and wouldn't even climb on the steps to get onto it for a while, the other 2yo's that were more free could climb all over the pre-school playground and slide down the slide on their own efficiently. I did a project for school about it, it was really interesting.
We need to learn to trust our children, we don't give their physical capabilities enough credit. Has a baby lost balanced and bonked themeselves? Sure. But they have also done that simply from walking around my living room on the carpet. I think that supervision is key also, obviously I don't let the kids climb without supervising them as I'm sure that neither does yourtooloud. You'd be amazed at what an infant, let alone a toddler or older child, can do if you trust them and let them work on their large motor development. It's also great on their self esteem.
Your post and YoureTooLoud's post are making me think. I've got three little boys in care (12mos, 14mos and 18mos) that are giving me a run for my money. I find myself saying no all day and I don't like that. I also find myself frustrated a lot and they cry a lot. I'm guessing they are frustrated, too, and I don't like that either. I've been thinking that I need to change something lately and maybe this is it. Maybe I'm controlling their environment too much. They can always use more gross motor activities, too. I've got some more mulling around to do but I appreciate you and YoureTooLoud posting. You've given me a perspective to consider that I hadn't thought of before.I get that, I'm also like this too. I have rules set in place to keep them safe and yes I set boundaries and instead of just saying "no" I offer an alternative to whatever they are doing. "Instead of jumping on the couch, let's go play hopscotch", "Instead of drawing on the walls, let's draw on the concrete with chalk" etc.
I do think that a child no matter how young should be allowed to truly see where their physical boundaries are and yes, nothing is truly child proof but just because that's true that doesn't mean that we shouldn't let the children play with anything.
I let the babies (under 1yo) climb here on wooden crates and boxes (smooth). They're all different sizes and some get flipped upside down and grouped together to create platforms and obsticles. My infants climb in, climb on, climb over and stand on these boxes. Parents have given me this face
and I just ask them to watch as their infant successfully maneuvers around them. I have had parents request that I not allow their infant to play on the wooden crates and boxes and I of course complied but I found that it was these children that were inept at climbing and balance and they were more prone to accidents. Possibly because they were not allowed to fully practice their physical skills? The other babies that were allowed to play on these and later on more difficult structures mastered certain skills faster and were better at these than the kids that were not allowed to. The infants that could not play on the crates later (at about 2) would be almost "afraid" of the playground structures at the park and wouldn't even climb on the steps to get onto it for a while, the other 2yo's that were more free could climb all over the pre-school playground and slide down the slide on their own efficiently. I did a project for school about it, it was really interesting.We need to learn to trust our children, we don't give their physical capabilities enough credit. Has a baby lost balanced and bonked themeselves? Sure. But they have also done that simply from walking around my living room on the carpet. I think that supervision is key also, obviously I don't let the kids climb without supervising them as I'm sure that neither does yourtooloud. You'd be amazed at what an infant, let alone a toddler or older child, can do if you trust them and let them work on their large motor development. It's also great on their self esteem.
WImom 04:50 AM 12-08-2011
I have kids like this too. I will tell them alot that at school we have certain rules and at home you have different rules. When we are school we follow my rules.
It works for most.
It works for most.
Unregistered 05:50 AM 12-08-2011
I have read both sides of this conversation-
my three cents... I think there needs to be a balance, but I lean towards its ok to say NO and set rules, boundaries, limits etc.... kids thrive on knowing what to expect and what not to expect. For most homes, its not ok to jump on the couch- so if the child is taught to not do this it helps him to know what is expected when you go to someone's home or have to sit and wait in a Dr.'s office etc... Outside you want to jump and bounce and run, go for it
Free Range reminds me of cattle for some reason or animals.
Everything being off limits is not cool either-
Balance
I think the balance comes from within our own comfortabilities, what is a yes, and what is a no in our homes or centers. The kids pick up quick the difference. Fun part is during transition, when they test to see who is in control.
my three cents... I think there needs to be a balance, but I lean towards its ok to say NO and set rules, boundaries, limits etc.... kids thrive on knowing what to expect and what not to expect. For most homes, its not ok to jump on the couch- so if the child is taught to not do this it helps him to know what is expected when you go to someone's home or have to sit and wait in a Dr.'s office etc... Outside you want to jump and bounce and run, go for it
Free Range reminds me of cattle for some reason or animals.
Everything being off limits is not cool either-
Balance
I think the balance comes from within our own comfortabilities, what is a yes, and what is a no in our homes or centers. The kids pick up quick the difference. Fun part is during transition, when they test to see who is in control.
MarinaVanessa 10:49 AM 12-08-2011
Originally Posted by Lianne:
Maybe I'm controlling their environment too much.
Hopefully changing it up a bit will reduce some stress and make everyone happy. Try it out and see if it works for you. I tend to be available if the kids need me but I don't spend every minute of time that they are here playing with them. I supervise their play and I'm always close just watching and waiting in case they need me but I don't usually intervene or participate in their play unless they ask me too. Maybe I'm controlling their environment too much.
It gives them a lot of freedom and opportunities to figure things out on their own. Unless it's unsafe I don't get involved. I found that sometimes by me hanging out, playing and talking to them all day they would become fussy. I think they were overstimulated. It's much easier on me now and the kids really seem to enjoy playing without having an adult always interjecting. Maybe it'll work with you too
.
Lianne 11:30 AM 12-08-2011
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
Hopefully changing it up a bit will reduce some stress and make everyone happy. Try it out and see if it works for you. I tend to be available if the kids need me but I don't spend every minute of time that they are here playing with them. I supervise their play and I'm always close just watching and waiting in case they need me but I don't usually intervene or participate in their play unless they ask me too.
It gives them a lot of freedom and opportunities to figure things out on their own. Unless it's unsafe I don't get involved. I found that sometimes by me hanging out, playing and talking to them all day they would become fussy. I think they were overstimulated. It's much easier on me now and the kids really seem to enjoy playing without having an adult always interjecting. Maybe it'll work with you too.
I usually don't get involved in their play either unless they're breaking a rule or hurting someone. If they're squabbling but managing, I don't get involved, either. I will step in if they're hurting each other. I was thinking they might benefit from me being on the floor with them a bit more. This morning I sat on the floor, away from where they were, and started stacking some blocks. They came over and we spent a few minutes knocking the blocks down and then I backed off and they wandered away. A few minutes later I started playing with something else and the boys came over to see what I was doing. In total I probably spent 20mins on the floor and 10-15mins playing with them but it did make a difference. After snack we decorated cookies and when the two little boys lost interest, I tossed the couch cushions on the floor. They (and then the 2 and 3yr olds) jumped on, jumped off, climbed over, laid on and did so much more with the cushions for a good hour. There was much less crying and I was less stressed even though I was busier.Hopefully changing it up a bit will reduce some stress and make everyone happy. Try it out and see if it works for you. I tend to be available if the kids need me but I don't spend every minute of time that they are here playing with them. I supervise their play and I'm always close just watching and waiting in case they need me but I don't usually intervene or participate in their play unless they ask me too.
It gives them a lot of freedom and opportunities to figure things out on their own. Unless it's unsafe I don't get involved. I found that sometimes by me hanging out, playing and talking to them all day they would become fussy. I think they were overstimulated. It's much easier on me now and the kids really seem to enjoy playing without having an adult always interjecting. Maybe it'll work with you too
.I have an indoor slide that's put away til after Christmas to make room for the Christmas tree but they love the slide. I'd love some more gross motor ideas for the 12-18mos olds if you have any.
MarinaVanessa 08:39 AM 12-09-2011
Originally Posted by Lianne:
I'd love some more gross motor ideas for the 12-18mos olds if you have any.
For gross motor we dance a lot. I get songs that you need to move alot and we make up dances to others. They LOVE Greg and Steve's listen and move and we make a ppoint to be VERY silly and overexagerrated when we do the movements. Every kid is hot and sweaty at the end of this one song ... it's so funny. We use scarves and streamers too in dancing sometimes.I'd love some more gross motor ideas for the 12-18mos olds if you have any.
About 3 or 4 days a week we go on walks to the park. It's about a 10 minute walk through our complex and they DO walk. Only my now 1yo gets to ride in the stroller. If the 2yo gets tired then I'll sit him in it too but not until he really is tired (it's a double stroller). The park has a toddler playground so they do their running, climbing and crawling there. We take balls and sand toys with us so there's always that. On other days we just go for a walk to a nearby grassy area within the complex and they play tag, run races, to cartwheels and roll on the grass.
I'm sure that you can find lots of things to do that encourage gross motor development but my favorite (and the kids too) is the music and dancing. We do that everyday.
kayakalp 04:15 AM 12-10-2011
Hello folk thanks for information.