Pick-up Problems

Logged out for privacy.

I'm SO frustrated with my group. I know this is a common issue, but it has gotten so much worse recently.

I've got a few kids who have been acting out HORRIBLY at pick-up. They throw all my rules out the window, and they don't even listen to me when their moms are here. I struggle with parenting their kids when dcp are here, but I guess that's just something I need to get over.

One just doesn't listen to me when I tell him his mom is coming and he needs to get ready. He will hide, cry and throw a tantrum. Then when his mom comes in, he runs around and is wild.

The other 2 run around, yell, forget about all my rules when dcm mom. It drives me crazy!

Today, I'm going to have them put all the centers away at 5:00. They're going to be all ready to go, sitting on the rug with a book. No other options.

So, I've got 2 questions.

Do you take charge at pick-up when dck act out when the dcp is there, or do you leave it to dcp to handle?

Any advice for a stress-free pick-up?

[Cat Herder]

Bye bye outside.

Take them to the door, nudge them out, exchange quick niceties, close the door.

The parent has no time for the "mama loves baby show" and the kid has no audience for the "I don't have to listen to you because mama says so" display.

Yes, I specified mama. I have no experience with it happening with dads. None. Well over 25 years and still none.

[dolores]

One positive thing that came out of the pandemic here that I am keeping...outside drop offs/pickups! It eliminated that zoo time!

[Blackcat31]

I don't and won't parent a child when their parent is present.

I will direct the parent to do so.
"Hey Molly, Jonathan knows he is not allowed to run around when it's pick up time. Can you please have him stop? Thank You!"

If the parent can't control their child, I move to having the parent text they are on their way, I have the child get ready to go and meet the parent at the door. Bye Bye outside.

I also have another system in place where the child that was wild and disruptive during pick up has restrictions imposed on them the following day.

Jonathan knows he is not suppose to run around during pick up so the next morning ONLY those children that did behave at pick up get to do certain activities.

It's not punishment but more of a developmental reaction. If Jonathan knows better but CHOOSES to be wild, he is telling me he is not old enough to do X or Y.

I have a bunch of special activities the kids love doing so I use those to my advantage.

It also teaches Jonathan that he must earn these privileges by showing me he is old enough.

[Gemma]

Originally Posted by Cat Herder

Bye bye outside.

Take them to the door, nudge them out, exchange quick niceties, close the door.

The parent has no time for the "mama loves baby show" and the kid has no audience for the "I don't have to listen to you because mama says so" display.

Yes, I specified mama. I have no experience with it happening with dads. None. Well over 25 years and still none.

Yes to everything CH said, including the no issue with dads

[Jupadia]

For a short time I had a problem with my own at pickup and another kid his age. They would start to act out around that time. So I made it their puzzle time. It stoped the issues of them acting out at pickup on my side of the gate. At the time parents would come in to my downstairs kitchen area (right off of backdoor and stairs) the kids are separated by the gate. Once I hand you your kid you are responsible. I have had to tell parents no please don't let them open the fridge or head to bathroom. I've told both parent or child directly depending on age of kid.
Currently doing door drop off and pickups only due to covid. I do get now a couple 1 year olds who start crying as I hand out a kid. But one just started this week and it's made the other one try to become attached to me.

[dolores]

When I switched to outside dropoff/pickup I anticipated that it would not have gone over well with current and new families. To date, except for one newbie, everyone has been fine with it.

The one exception was a new 3 yo who was fine with drop offs the first week. Week 2 day 1, he made a big uproar at the door. I did a few things to help but he just escalated. Dad began to argue with me and said that our policy was ridiculous. Boy manipulated the situation and said he didn't like us. WELL, I collected belongings, handed it over to dad and terminated. Spot was filled next day.

[Valerie928]

Originally Posted by Cat Herder

Bye bye outside.

Take them to the door, nudge them out, exchange quick niceties, close the door.

The parent has no time for the "mama loves baby show" and the kid has no audience for the "I don't have to listen to you because mama says so" display.

Yes, I specified mama. I have no experience with it happening with dads. None. Well over 25 years and still none.

I've never thought about this until you mentioned it here! But I too have never had kids act out for the dad. It's 100% the mom

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by Valerie928

I've never thought about this until you mentioned it here! But I too have never had kids act out for the dad. It's 100% the mom

The psychology class I audited pointed in the direction of a biological competition between mothers and caretakers for the ownership of the childs care. Not so much the child, but the authority of care. This is seen in younger grandmothers, too.

What was discussed was that this was primal, not necessarily a choice and can be gracefully managed with limiting time in the triangular power struggle. Things like quick drop-off and child free conferences. Better for the kids, better for the provider, better for the mothers.

The mother with a co-dependent or unhealthy attachment requires another set of tools, though. If not managed it can stunt the child development and intellectual growth. These classes are so interesting, I wish I could have afforded to stay in college. I am grateful that the local college has occasional seats for auditing.