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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Is This The Norm When You Tell Parents NO??
momofboys 10:00 AM 06-02-2011
I am gearing up for a relaxing job prior to beginning a nanny job this fall. I am very excited about many aspects of my new job. I termed a family earlier this spring who I had provided care for for about a year. Good family, paid on time, mostly well behaved kids. Mom was in college/working very PT & upon her graduation told me she would only need me about 1x a week as she had no job secured. I had an opportunity to begin watching a set of twins on a FT basis for a temporary timeframe (about 9-10 weeks until summer's start). The pay would be very good. I told the mom that I couldn't consider watching her kids for only 1 day a week. It just was not worth it to me. This family had VERY early hours (drop off at 6:15 am) & for only one day a week I did not want the hassle. We seemed to end things on a good manner. I felt like I had done a lot to help their family. The parents never quite understood some rules & I did allow them to bend them at times based on the fact that they were good to pay on time/pick up on time. I had called the mom earlier this week and asked if I could use her as a reference. She called me back today & left a message but it was very brief & "cold" saying it was okay to use her. The only reason I say "cold" is because I had gotten to know this mom fairly well & I thought we were friends but I guess since I told them NO I am now on their bad side. I just got the impression on the phone that she didn't seem happy about it but was willing to do it. It may seem silly but my feelings are hurt. I feel like I have done a lot to help this family but b/c I was doing the best I could for my family it wasn't enough for them. Is this common when you tell a parent NO?
Cat Herder 10:06 AM 06-02-2011
Very common. Sorry.
daycare 10:07 AM 06-02-2011
Originally Posted by momofboys:
I am gearing up for a relaxing job prior to beginning a nanny job this fall. I am very excited about many aspects of my new job. I termed a family earlier this spring who I had provided care for for about a year. Good family, paid on time, mostly well behaved kids. Mom was in college/working very PT & upon her graduation told me she would only need me about 1x a week as she had no job secured. I had an opportunity to begin watching a set of twins on a FT basis for a temporary timeframe (about 9-10 weeks until summer's start). The pay would be very good. I told the mom that I couldn't consider watching her kids for only 1 day a week. It just was not worth it to me. This family had VERY early hours (drop off at 6:15 am) & for only one day a week I did not want the hassle. We seemed to end things on a good manner. I felt like I had done a lot to help their family. The parents never quite understood some rules & I did allow them to bend them at times based on the fact that they were good to pay on time/pick up on time. I had called the mom earlier this week and asked if I could use her as a reference. She called me back today & left a message but it was very brief & "cold" saying it was okay to use her. The only reason I say "cold" is because I had gotten to know this mom fairly well & I thought we were friends but I guess since I told them NO I am now on their bad side. I just got the impression on the phone that she didn't seem happy about it but was willing to do it. It may seem silly but my feelings are hurt. I feel like I have done a lot to help this family but b/c I was doing the best I could for my family it wasn't enough for them. Is this common when you tell a parent NO?
I think if someone told me "it's just not worth it to me" might upset me a little. Is that what you told her? I am gearing up for a relaxing job prior to beginning a nanny job this fall. I am very excited about many aspects of my new job. I termed a family earlier this spring who I had provided care for for about a year. Good family, paid on time, mostly well behaved kids. Mom was in college/working very PT & upon her graduation told me she would only need me about 1x a week as she had no job secured. I had an opportunity to begin watching a set of twins on a FT basis for a temporary timeframe (about 9-10 weeks until summer's start). The pay would be very good. I told the mom that I couldn't consider watching her kids for only 1 day a week. It just was not worth it to me. This family had VERY early hours (drop off at 6:15 am) & for only one day a week I did not want the hassle. We seemed to end things on a good manner. I felt like I had done a lot to help their family. The parents never quite understood some rules & I did allow them to bend them at times based on the fact that they were good to pay on time/pick up on time. I had called the mom earlier this week and asked if I could use her as a reference. She called me back today & left a message but it was very brief & "cold" saying it was okay to use her. The only reason I say "cold" is because I had gotten to know this mom fairly well & I thought we were friends but I guess since I told them NO I am now on their bad side. I just got the impression on the phone that she didn't seem happy about it but was willing to do it. It may seem silly but my feelings are hurt. I feel like I have done a lot to help this family but b/c I was doing the best I could for my family it wasn't enough for them. Is this common when you tell a parent NO?
I understand where you are coming from, but as a woman, I know how emotional we can get about little things.
I know that I once worded something wrong and a parent got really upset about it, but then when I explained in detail what i really meant, the felt better about it..
This could be the case.
momofboys 10:09 AM 06-02-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
I think if someone told me "it's just not worth it to me" might upset me a little. Is that what you told her?
I understand where you are coming from, but as a woman, I know how emotional we can get about little things.
I know that I once worded something wrong and a parent got really upset about it, but then when I explained in detail what i really meant, the felt better about it..
This could be the case.
No, I most definitely did not tell her that!!!! I believe my exact words were that I could only accomodate a schedule that was a t least 3 days a week. I was paraphrasing on here!I think if someone told me "it's just not worth it to me" might upset me a little. Is that what you told her?
I understand where you are coming from, but as a woman, I know how emotional we can get about little things.
I know that I once worded something wrong and a parent got really upset about it, but then when I explained in detail what i really meant, the felt better about it..
This could be the case.
cheerfuldom 10:09 AM 06-02-2011
I wouldn't use a former parent as a reference unless they ended care. No matter what you tell a family and how great they were to work with, there will be hurt feelings if you end care for any reason.
Live and Learn 10:13 AM 06-02-2011
Everything is great when they are getting their way but when you say "no!" their feelings get hurt and some even throw a temper tantrum!
You thought I was talking about three year olds but 
NO!!!.....I am talking about their parents!!!!
You thought I was talking about three year olds but NO!!!.....I am talking about their parents!!!!
Sunshine44 10:16 AM 06-02-2011
Normal. If it doesn't work in their favor then they get upset. Simple as that!
momofboys 10:16 AM 06-02-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I wouldn't use a former parent as a reference unless they ended care. No matter what you tell a family and how great they were to work with, there will be hurt feelings if you end care for any reason.
I'm sure you are right. . . I only asked b/c this mom & I supposedly have plans to get our kids together to play this summer. Now I am wondering if that was all talk. . . my son misses her son!I wouldn't use a former parent as a reference unless they ended care. No matter what you tell a family and how great they were to work with, there will be hurt feelings if you end care for any reason.
daycare 10:17 AM 06-02-2011
lol....oh got ya...
well then yeah I agree with others, when they are told NO they act like their year olds....lol
well then yeah I agree with others, when they are told NO they act like their year olds....lol
jojosmommy 10:54 AM 06-02-2011
Originally Posted by Sunshine44:
Normal. If it doesn't work in their favor then they get upset. Simple as that!
Agreed! 100%. We can do everything for their kids while they are in care but once they percieve we aren't going to the moon and back for them suddenly we are no longer fit to watch their kids, any kids, or even associate with. Normal. If it doesn't work in their favor then they get upset. Simple as that!
I think there is ALOT emotionally tied to dropping off your kids at someones house everyday and unfortunately that gets in the way of business decisions and decisions based on what's best for the kids and the dcp family.