So I know this will be a heated debate and I will not share a few opinions I have but I'm more curious about what others think about it.

Scenerio: Stealing occurs on the property of a local high school. A report is made by the student. The student requests not to share a locker with a specific individual accused of stealing property. School officials tell the child that she can "roommate" with another student if she wishes but it will be up to her to find someone else to share a locker with since there aren't enough lockers in the school to meet the needs of every student.

A few days later, the High school calls home to the parent of the child making the theft accusation. Their child was just brought into the office for a rumor that a fight was going to transpire after school. A discussion took place with only 1 of the students and a student advisor. The discussion lasts less than 10 minutes.

A call goes out to one of the parents to say that their child was brought to the office for a potential fight. The parent is given the name of the other student that may be involved with the fight. (Doesn't this violate confidentiality?) The parent suggests that the student is escorted to the bus, kept after school, etc to prevent the fight from ensuing as picking up was not something that could happen right that second (school was letting out in 4 minutes from the time the call was placed.) The advisor says she will see what she can do.

A fight ensued after school hours, off school property. No faculty seen the fight. It was recorded by a few students to which both of the children were identified. By the time faculty becomes aware of the situation, 1 child remains at the location (not far from the school), the other is gone.

A call from school goes out to the home of both of the children. They have 1 child in the office awaiting pick up from the parent. Both parents are advised that the children will be suspended for 5 days out of school.

An appeal takes place. The principal of the school meets with the parents regarding the appeal. The school states that the student handbook states that fighting is not tolerated on school property. (No copy was given to the parent at registration time. When asked where this handbook is, the parents were told they can find it online. No link or website given.) The school continues to state that they are responsible for a child's safety from the time they leave their home in the morning and return home in the afternoon. A dispute to this took place as many students have jobs that they go to directly after school. So if they were "jumped" in work parking lot prior to going in for their shift, is the school really responsible for this child's safety??? If a student was shot in a drive by, the school would be responsible??? Etc.

In reviewing the handbook, nothing is specifically stated with regards to fighting. It is handled by school officials and they are to determine the punishment. Typically first offense fighting is a 3 day suspension. Both of these children receive 5 days. During the appeal process, it is requested that the suspension be 3 days. The schools response is because the 1 child was brought into the office and told that fighting was a bad choice, they are able to suspend for 5 days. The process of another appeal is taking place at this time.

My major concern is this: Schools want our children to be safe which is GREAT! But they want to be the enforcer of situations that take place after hours/off school property. I really believe that they are overstepping their boundaries. Children are the parents concern during this time. Whether it be 7pm or even a weekend. The school states that they have authority to use their discretion regarding a student at any time.

However...if safety is their top priority, these questions couldn't be answered.

Why were both children not talked to? Why were both children not brought in to the same room and talked to? Why was the student advisor brought into this? Do they have a degree in conflict resolution/counseling? Is their a guidance counselor on staff? Why was he/she not notified? Why was a call not sent out to both parents before the fight transpired? Why was one child not escorted to the bus and another brought to the office to keep this fight from happening?

The only question that was answered was, "What exactly did the faculty at the school do to keep either of the children safe?" Their response, "The one child was brought into the office and the student advisor told her not to."

You're kidding, right?

Anyone that works with children knows that a child's brain isn't fully developed....regardless of whether they are 3, 9, or 15. Children aren't capable of conflict resolution on their own. Many children have a certain mindset and until consequences are presented (Example: If you do ABC, XYZ might happen.) During the discussion with the student advisor, the student specifically asked, "What can you do about it?" to which no answer was given. Suspension was never discussed.

Seems to me like this school wants it both ways. They want to be make sure the kids are safe after hours and repremand when needed regardless of whether it has anything to do with their education and they want to keep the students safe.

This entire scenario makes me sick! In my eyes, the school did nothing to protect either of these students. In a metro city school, this could have turned out far worse. At the same time, it could have been prevented. A lot of "Whys" and "What ifs" come up but when a parent asks the school what they did to stop it from escalating, their only response is "one of the students was brought into the office and talked to."

In the same respect, we all have daycares. Are we responsible for children after hours/off property?! Heck no! If a 3 year old scratches his 2 year old cousins face and kicks him in the shin, are we as daycare providers going to repremand this child if the situation didn't take place at daycare or during daycare hours?!

Reply

It's hard to know where to draw the line with older kids in school.

If the school is aware that a fight might ensue, then I think they need to do what they can to stop it. IMHO, the school should have kept one of the students, if not both, in the office until parents could make arrangements to pick them up. Both students should have been brought into the office in the beginning when the theft report was made.

Is a student advisor the same as a peer counselor - another student?

Students should not be sharing lockers. Few of our schools have lockers anymore.

Reply

Student advisor is a faculty member (not a peer) that helps them with schedule changes, issues with their education, etc. They are not qualified to counsel or handle conflicts.

Reply

To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure counselors are really qualified to help with conflicts, either.

I agree that we want the schools to deal with what happens in school. But we also seem to want them to deal with school issues, bullying, outside of school.

15 yo's know better than to fight. As parents, we should have taught them better ways to handle conflicts. We start teaching them at 2 to keep their hands to themselves. At 18 (most seniors), they really should know better.

IMHO, it sounds like it's time to bring both students and parents into a meeting together and get this resolved before somebody gets hurt.

Reply

I think the school should have been more proactive in avoiding the fight in the first place. Kept the kids, waited until parents could come, held a group meeting.

Suspensions from school seem like more of a reward than a punishment, and it doesn't resolve the conflict.

I agree that they should "know better" than to fight, but if one child is the instigator, than what is the other child has no choice but to protect themselves, especially if the adults in question (the school) knew about the potential, and did nothing. The child's biggest resources for help just broke down, and they should do what?

If the school claims to be "responsible for what happens" then they should have been responsible to begin with, not go around slapping hands after the fact.

Reply

wow..

In my country if you got into a fight at school...Well it was the end of your world as you knew it.

Talk about major conflict resolution. I never got into a fight, but my brother did.

Here is what I think needs to happen here in the US too, but not sure it ever will.

In my country respect is a huge thing, as well as family pride. Your mom and dad are king and queen of your home and you NEVER disrespect them.

When my brother got into a fight, he and the other boy had to sit in a room together after the fight with an adviser. Then the parents were called in and both parents from each family had to be present. they would all talk about what happened and why. Over the course of 5 days, my brother and the boy had to stay in this room, and write apology letter to each others families for the disrespect they have caused each family.

It is a very very difficult and humiliating thing for a teen to do. Then once the adviser feels that their paper they wrote is sufficient enough, showing that they are understanding their wrong, they then must present and read this letter to the other family. It is so humiliating to each others family and the whole school will shun you for your lack of respect to your family.

BUT I think that this will never happen here, because to me it seems like parents are afraid of their children and they run the house these days.......

I think for a child to get any days off from school is more of a reward than anything. What did this teach them? NOTHING. Yes it may hurt their chances getting into the BEST college of their choice, but kids live for today, not what will be in their future.

I really don't understand the school system here and I do my best to teach my children all I can. BUT peer pressure will almost always tempt them and sometimes win.

I have had a few situations with my own child when she was being bullied at school. the only thing the school did, after I brought it to their attention is call my daughter into the office and ask her "Are these girls bugging you"?

In fear that they would find out she tattled, she said NO....

Wow that was helpful.

Ugh, so sorry you have had to deal with this....I feel for you....

Reply