How would you deal with this child? So long...I'm sorry

[Josiegirl]

dcg 3 1/2(closer to 4 yo) She's always needed lots of attention; started preschool this year. She's very smart but:

She'll take things of kids when they're not looking and hide them(she thinks it's funny). Yesterday when a 4 yo went in to use the bathroom, she left her dress-up on the floor. This dcg grabs it and hides it. Then 4 yo comes back and asks where it is. I say 'go ask A*****. Well, dcg denies it completely.

She'll fib, lie, tease, whatever you want to call it at her age, about everything.
She's just started hitting out when she gets angry; doesn't make contact a lot but puts forth the action.

She's moderately disruptive at naptime.

She can be sneaky when my back is turned and does things to some of the kids. When I asked them what happened her name pops up. She'll deny it all even though these other kids are old enough to say her name and I cannot imagine why they'd make up stories.

She incites them into doing things they shouldn't. She's quite the leader and everybody listens to her but unfortunately she pulls them into her naughty behavior.

She doesn't listen to me very well as she's extremely strong-willed. For example, yesterday due to issues at naptime I took all her books away, told her she lost books and told her to lay quietly for awhile. Next thing I know she's taken more books from the bookshelf.

I send home daily notes but don't write a lot of things down because to be honest, if I were a dcparent I would be so disheartened if that's all I ever heard was the negative side of their day. I catch her being good and compliment her for being a good friend or helper. But for her, it's mostly the naughty side I see.

I'm at my wit's end with this one. I love her to pieces and don't want to give up on her but need to start thinking outside of the box for her. I truly believe most of what she does is for attention. There's only so far I can stretch myself with the group.

Any ideas? She just seems to take so much time away from our day that I end up spending more time searching for things she's hidden, fixing a broken heart, or keeping her from harm.

Oh and another thing...when she uses the bathroom she'll take 10 minutes or so, just sitting there playing around. I just don't have an extra 10 minutes to stand there and make sure she doesn't get into trouble. She has dropped 2 rolls of toilet paper into the toilet on separate occasions. She dumped soap all over the floor in front of the toilet the other day. I asked her what happened and she told me she spit. It was slippery like soap so I have no clue. Lots of times I will pop in and out watching her and the others.

Please don't tell me to let her go because she needs more one on one care. I'm not quite to that point yet. I feel like I need something new that I'm not thinking of.
I do need to talk with the mom. But it seems like every time I say something I end up feeling like it's my fault, something I'm not doing, or she's very discouraged. Her dh works a lot so much of this falls on her shoulders and she's already terribly overwhelmed as it is. If I could improve dcg's behavior without bringing it all onto her shoulders, I'd prefer that. I know she does what she can at home. I need to come up with a plan for here.

So sorry so long!!!

[Play Care]

It sounds as if she can't be out of your sight, and she needs swift, firm consequences for her behavior. When she's in the bathroom, you need to be at the door supervising and hurrying her along. When you are cooking lunch or busy with another child, she's at the table with an activity of your choosing. I would head her off at the pass by assigning activities and locations for her all day long. She is saying without words that she can't handle anything else. That's really the only thing I can think of if you don't want to let her go.

[CraftyMom]

Sounds like cries for attention.

What happens at home? I'm imagining mom is exhausted, needs to make supper and get the kids fed. Also there are errands to be done and little time to do them. Dad (if he is home) is also exhausted and maybe doesn't help much. Perhaps they are forgetting to spend quality time with dcg in the evenings, just trying to get things done and then get her in bed.

Just my guess, but I would think she's acting out looking for attention, whether negative or positive.

[nannyde]

She needs her own adult. Constant visual supervision at ALL times. That's the only way to curb it. She wouldn't have a moments peace in my world. On her like white on rice all day every day.

[Meyou]

I agree with the others. I have her twin here and they only thing that has helped with her behavior keeping eyes on her at all times and separating her from the group if I'm not right there. I have a basket of toys and a spot for her to play when I can't be right there.

She is much, much better now but it took MONTHS of consistency to get her to this point. She went through a variety of bad behaviors trying to find something that worked during that time. Pushing, taking toys from younger children, using words to trick other children to get their toys, lying, tantrums, passive resistance, not so passive resistance, pretending she couldn't hear me....I could go on and on. I did the same thing every single time. We also did the toilet rolls in the toilet and other bad washroom choices so she hasn't peed alone or without asking for permission in 6 months. She's been potty trained for 2 years.

The only reason I didn't term is because I've had her older brother for 8 years and I love the family. They put in an awesome effort at home to fix her behavior issues as well. Literally, went along with anything I asked them to do. It was hard work here and at home.

At this point at almost 4 she is in the general population most of the time. She can't handle some situations but I can see them coming now and prevent a relapse by redirecting her. For example, she CANNOT free play after our music class. She is too wound up and excited and her poor impulse control totally takes over. So after music class we have snack and she plays at the table. Once 45 min to an hour has passed she is calm again and rejoins her friends. Often friends will join her at the table now since she plays nice.

[daycarediva]

Originally Posted by Meyou

I agree with the others. I have her twin here and they only thing that has helped with her behavior keeping eyes on her at all times and separating her from the group if I'm not right there. I have a basket of toys and a spot for her to play when I can't be right there.

She is much, much better now but it took MONTHS of consistency to get her to this point. She went through a variety of bad behaviors trying to find something that worked during that time. Pushing, taking toys from younger children, using words to trick other children to get their toys, lying, tantrums, passive resistance, not so passive resistance, pretending she couldn't hear me....I could go on and on. I did the same thing every single time. We also did the toilet rolls in the toilet and other bad washroom choices so she hasn't peed alone or without asking for permission in 6 months. She's been potty trained for 2 years.

The only reason I didn't term is because I've had her older brother for 8 years and I love the family. They put in an awesome effort at home to fix her behavior issues as well. Literally, went along with anything I asked them to do. It was hard work here and at home.

At this point at almost 4 she is in the general population most of the time. She can't handle some situations but I can see them coming now and prevent a relapse by redirecting her. For example, she CANNOT free play after our music class. She is too wound up and excited and her poor impulse control totally takes over. So after music class we have snack and she plays at the table. Once 45 min to an hour has passed she is calm again and rejoins her friends. Often friends will join her at the table now since she plays nice.

I about died laughing at gen-pop.

She would be my shadow. PERIOD.

[Heidi]

I agree with the others, but also wonder if you could make her your helper a lot of the time?

She has strong leadership skills. She craves attention. See them as assets, and have her set the table when you making lunch, for instance. She will most likely thrive from the positive attention.

Another thing you can do is some circle-time activities like "good idea or bad idea?" Come up with various scenarios (pictures or drawings would be great), and then ask the group. "Is this a GOOD idea or a BAD idea?" Make some silly...like a picture of someone kissing a frog or a camel. Then, when she's about to do something naughty, ask her in a kind of fun way "Is that a GOOD idea or a BAD idea?" If she gets it wrong or is sassy say "EH! WROOONG!" If she says "Bad idea"...say "Oh, you're so smart". Use a little humor, if you think that may help.

My sister does this "I've got my eye on you" thing where she points with 2 fingers at a kiddo and then at her eyes, then back at the kiddo. She kind of makes it silly. Like "I see what you're doing". Some kids really respond to that bit of silliness when they are expecting to "get caught".

[jenboo]

Omg I have a 2.5yr old just like this!!!!!!!!
No joke. He does the same things minus the lying. He hasn't figured that out yet. And instead of hiding others toys, he puts them on a high shelf where they can't reach them.

[Josiegirl]

Yeh, I've kind of lost my sense of humor with this one. She's really a good kid but her cry for attention plus lack of self-control combines for a difficult to handle child when there are 5 others to care for.
It was just her and me for the last 30 minutes today and she was as good as gold. I am going to follow some of your suggestions, thank you all!!! And I do think making her my helper will be one of them. She thrives when she can help.
I just have not had the patience lately to slow down and deal with her gently. She absolutely loves setting the table and other things like that. She just doesn't like to be told what to do. It has to be her idea. It seems I'm always threatening to take things away or talking about earning privileges. I don't like how I am around her. Oh if only all kids were easy.
I have been having her stay closer to me and today did go better. She's an exhausting one.

Thanks so much everybody!

[AuntTami]

At almost 4, you could do a "behavior chart"...4 different colors, and a clothes pin, and you move it up and down through the day. If she goes the WHOLE day on "green" or whatever the top color is, do something special for her, even if its just you and her doing an activity together. If she spends the day on red, or whatever the bottom color is, take away privledges.