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Old 06-18-2013, 10:34 AM
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Default Not Meshing Anymore?

I have a 4 yo boy in my dc. He will go to K in 2014, so I'll have him until then. I also care for his brother. I've had both of them since they were infants. The problem? I just don't enjoy caring for them anymore
The older child is very strong willed and has (I believe) some type of sensory issues. He is constantly crying and whining over every slight, real and imagined. He has also started targeting another, younger child in my day care. When asked not to do something his usual response is "I don't like you." or "I want mommy!"
His brother is almost 3, but behaves more like a child a full year to two years younger. He did have an eval last year where they noted speech delays, but just recommended some work at home (using straw cups, talking to him a lot, etc.) Despite some pretty intense efforts on my part, I feel he is still very behind. Other parents have made comments about him supposedly going to preschool in the Fall (3 yo class) because they don't think he is as old as he is based on his behavior

Parents are in some ways dream clients - pick up on time, pay on time, don't complain about time off, etc. But in other ways they seem almost overwhelmed by the kids. They are really wild and neither parent seems to be able to get a handle on it. They are individually sooo much work and together it's waaaaay much work!
In a perfect world I would send them on, but parents are *very* well connected in my small town. But every morning when they are standing at my door screaming over one thing or another I die a little inside. I feel terrible, as if we should have this "special" bond because I've had them both since infancy. But I just don't.
Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you deal with children that you just are not meshing with?
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Old 06-18-2013, 11:01 AM
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I had this problem at one time. I sat the parents down and strongly encouraged them to enroll their child in a full day preschool program. I told them I felt he really needed the structure and would benefit from being around a bigger group his own age. I told them he was very intelligent and they should really encourage that (okay, so I shined them on a bit ). It worked and they still think I walk on water to this day .
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Old 06-18-2013, 11:14 AM
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Originally Posted by MyAngels View Post
I had this problem at one time. I sat the parents down and strongly encouraged them to enroll their child in a full day preschool program. I told them I felt he really needed the structure and would benefit from being around a bigger group his own age. I told them he was very intelligent and they should really encourage that (okay, so I shined them on a bit ). It worked and they still think I walk on water to this day .
Sounds like a plan to me!
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Old 06-18-2013, 11:18 AM
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Originally Posted by MyAngels View Post
I had this problem at one time. I sat the parents down and strongly encouraged them to enroll their child in a full day preschool program. I told them I felt he really needed the structure and would benefit from being around a bigger group his own age. I told them he was very intelligent and they should really encourage that (okay, so I shined them on a bit ). It worked and they still think I walk on water to this day .
I wish! We live in a small town with NO full day preschool options. I already transport him to the one preschool we do have - three mornings a week for 2.5 hours
When I try to address behavior with mom, her take was "well, he does well at preschool" Of course he does, he's hardly there!
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Old 06-18-2013, 11:24 AM
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I wish! We live in a small town with NO full day preschool options. I already transport him to the one preschool we do have - three mornings a week for 2.5 hours
When I try to address behavior with mom, her take was "well, he does well at preschool" Of course he does, he's hardly there!
One of my hardest daycare kids ever supposedly had NO behavior problems at preschool. Despite the fact that at home, here, and at grandma's he was a poop. Threw temper tantrums over everything...seriously...everything. The last one before I termed was over a graham cracker.

I do believe he may have been ok at "school" because it was a very teacher-led environment. It's a church-based program that is part of their parochial school, and has been doing the same cookie-cutter curriculum for about 40 years. Also, perhaps the idea of having a "fit" in front of the other boys his age would be too embarrassing. The kiddo wasn't dumb, after all.

I was going to make the same suggestion about full-day preschool. Do you have a 4K in your area? Is there a family provider who runs a "school" type program?
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Old 06-18-2013, 11:35 AM
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One of my hardest daycare kids ever supposedly had NO behavior problems at preschool. Despite the fact that at home, here, and at grandma's he was a poop. Threw temper tantrums over everything...seriously...everything. The last one before I termed was over a graham cracker.

I do believe he may have been ok at "school" because it was a very teacher-led environment. It's a church-based program that is part of their parochial school, and has been doing the same cookie-cutter curriculum for about 40 years. Also, perhaps the idea of having a "fit" in front of the other boys his age would be too embarrassing. The kiddo wasn't dumb, after all.

I was going to make the same suggestion about full-day preschool. Do you have a 4K in your area? Is there a family provider who runs a "school" type program?
The only 4K program is in another town, and I don't see the parents wanting to bring him completely out of their way. As for the other providers in my area - most of them are SAHM types who incorporate watching kids into their day. Nothing wrong with that (I run a more preschool like program myself) but I can't imagine him doing well in those environments. If there was a way I could suggest earlier, full day school and save face I would do it in a heartbeat.
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Old 06-18-2013, 11:45 AM
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Well, as hard as it is, you do have the right to say "I'm done" in the kindest way possible and make it THEIR problem. They are THEIR children.

At the very least, I would start really pushing that they have the children (?) assessed (again if needed). What have you got to loose?

Set up a parent teacher conference and show tell them your concerns about their development and tell them how it's not only affecting their behavior, but also their relationships with you and the parents. You see that the parents are overwhelmed, and so are you. You are willing to support their getting help, and work WITH them, but you need to know exactly what is going on so that you can do your job.

See, if you don't want to have the "I'm terming" confrontation, then have the "WE need help" confrontation. They may either reluctantly say yes, or tell you your a nut job and move on... Let the chips fall where they may...

I'd be happy to help you come up with a conversation starter, if you want to pm me.
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Old 06-18-2013, 03:10 PM
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Originally Posted by MyAngels View Post
I had this problem at one time. I sat the parents down and strongly encouraged them to enroll their child in a full day preschool program. I told them I felt he really needed the structure and would benefit from being around a bigger group his own age. I told them he was very intelligent and they should really encourage that (okay, so I shined them on a bit ). It worked and they still think I walk on water to this day .
here here!
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