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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>What Is Attached Parenting ?
Magic 11:54 AM 06-24-2015
What does attached parenting look like ?
did I spell that right ? ...lol
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Thriftylady 12:06 PM 06-24-2015
Usually there is co sleeping involved. Many times the child is held constantly. The parent(s) will do anything to stop crying in most cases. I am sure someone has a better answer, but to me that about sums it up.
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Blackcat31 12:24 PM 06-24-2015
"The long-range vision of Attachment Parenting is to raise children who will become adults with a highly developed capacity for empathy and connection. It eliminates violence as a means for raising children, and ultimately helps to prevent violence in society as a whole.

The essence of Attachment Parenting is about forming and nurturing strong connections between parents and their children. Attachment Parenting challenges parents to treat their children with kindness, respect and dignity, and to model their interactions with them the way they'd like them to interact with others."
(http://www.attachmentparenting.org/)

There are 8 basic principles of Attachment Parenting:

Google Attachment Parenting and you will find TONS of resources about it.
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Heidi 12:27 PM 06-24-2015
I was going to copy and paste part of this, but it got too long (and interesting) to do that. There is even an blurb about childcare.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_parenting
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Blackcat31 12:35 PM 06-24-2015
Originally Posted by Heidi:
I was going to copy and paste part of this, but it got too long (and interesting) to do that. There is even an blurb about childcare.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_parenting
The dumb blurb about child care though says:

"Attachment parenting proponents value secure attachment between children and a primary caregiver, preferably a parent or guardian"
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Thriftylady 12:55 PM 06-24-2015
Well most of the "attachment parents" I have had, do not do safe sleep!
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Heidi 12:57 PM 06-24-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
The dumb blurb about child care though says:

"Attachment parenting proponents value secure attachment between children and a primary caregiver, preferably a parent or guardian"


I know!

Did you read the part about "childcare injury"?

You see, when a child is physically or emotionally hurt, a parent must scoop them up and hold them until the child is comforted, done crying, and gives the message that he is ready to move on. EVERY TIME. EVERY "INJURY".

Can you imagine the injury we inflict on these children daily? I mean, just today, I told one little dumpling (age 2 years, 7 months) quite firmly to get her tuckus moving because we were all waiting for her! And her, with no parent to come running cuddle her and help her wash her hands! The travesty!
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Blackcat31 01:00 PM 06-24-2015
Originally Posted by Heidi:


I know!

Did you read the part about "childcare injury"?

You see, when a child is physically or emotionally hurt, a parent must scoop them up and hold them until the child is comforted, done crying, and gives the message that he is ready to move on. EVERY TIME. EVERY "INJURY".

Can you imagine the injury we inflict on these children daily? I mean, just today, I told one little dumpling (age 2 years, 7 months) quite firmly to get her tuckus moving because we were all waiting for her! And her, with no parent to come running cuddle her and help her wash her hands! The travesty!


I've done my fair share of "damaging" today myself...

I think I've said "Go play!"
"Because I said so..." and "It's not your business, that's why."
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Babybear911 01:55 PM 06-24-2015
I don't take parents who co-sleep with their children in my daycare anymore. I also ask them before they if they have thought about not returning to work. That a daycare provider can not lay down and cuddle with child(ren) during nap time. I am baffled by this style of parenting. Children are usually really insecure, unsure and fearful of new experiences and are 99.9% of the time the WORST nappers I have ever had. This style of parenting is for those parents who wish to NEVER return to the work force until their child starts kindergarten...and then bless the poor teacher that has to cut the apron strings!
YIKES!
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mommyneedsadayoff 02:05 PM 06-24-2015
Attachment parenting, in my experience, has been bed sharing, extended breast feeding, no cry, carry baby around. It makes for a hard transition to daycare for most. I am not a fan of it, but to each their own, as long as they know little dck will be laying down for naps in its own crib alone and will not be rocked to sleep. You can do whatever you want with your kid, but if you want to leave them at daycare for 10+ hours a day, then you need to set them up for success.
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Thriftylady 02:19 PM 06-24-2015
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
Attachment parenting, in my experience, has been bed sharing, extended breast feeding, no cry, carry baby around. It makes for a hard transition to daycare for most. I am not a fan of it, but to each their own, as long as they know little dck will be laying down for naps in its own crib alone and will not be rocked to sleep. You can do whatever you want with your kid, but if you want to leave them at daycare for 10+ hours a day, then you need to set them up for success.
Yes, mine also!!! I agree it is for people who don't need to go back to work. Even then I disagree with bed sharing.
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Unregistered 04:08 PM 06-24-2015
I've seen first hand where AP style parents will NOT say it's time to go, just wait around and hope JR. Will decide to go. They don't want anything to ever be negative or bring tears. The child NEEDS an adult to step in to help him, to make a decision, yet he's left to make the decicisions. It's mind boggling. It stretches parents very thin.

When parents (and providers) place boundaries on behavior it fosters feelings of security. With imposed boundaries eventually comes self-regulation.

I've seen the shear terror when mom walks out of the room....that look is like nothing I've seen on a child before, like a saber tooth tiger is after them.

I'm assuming it is suppose to foster security in kids, but I know that in some kids it seems like the opposite! They are terrified to be without their parent. It seems to emotionally cripple some! Maybe that's strong langauage, but that's what I perceive.

I'm all for caring for kids with understanding, gentleness, & encouragement.but IMHO. AP is crazy stuff! Maybe it works in the long run. Maybe there's something about it that's wonderful.....maybe there's something I'm missing, but I don't see it.
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jgcp 05:50 PM 06-24-2015
Ohhh Man AP is my worst nightmare as a childcare provider, not because i want them to be attached to me but hello? when will these children learn independence. I still have the first child i opened with and even though its been a complete 180 with her, now 3, dcm is the issue. she carries her in EVERY SINGLE MORNING shes not some twigg either!! and to top it off she tries to do this hand off thing with me that we found worked 2 yrs ago and she still thinks it needs to be done haha I started telling her to set her down, but she still tries and she still wont go to bed till 11pm unless shes in parents bed. Whatever she naps here and it works for me. But the kid has to grow up sometime. Me and my ds didnt do the ap it was not for me or him and i love that he is independent and spirited but still has compassion and empathy
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childcaremom 02:32 AM 06-25-2015
I think that the problem lies in labelling parenting and then writing books about it and then having parents preach the contents. I have interviewed 3 families lately who tell me they are this type of parent and follow this book. Um, what? Next!

The last family that came through couldn't accept that I wouldn't wear their child when he was upset or that I would put him down to bed awake. I explained that I have other kids in my care (what happens if they are upset, should I wear them all?) and she nursed her child to sleep. I calmly told her that I couldn't replicate that here (never mind that my baby weaned 7 years ago). They left in tears b/c they couldn't understand why daycare required them to change their baby's entire life.

The big issue, for me, is independent sleeping. If a child cannot nap independently, I don't want them here. Period. It sounds harsh but I can't take the crying. It breaks my heart and causes my blood pressure to go through the roof.

ETA: I coslept and extended bf. It worked for us because I didn't plan to work outside the home. And I didn't consider myself AP. Just a parent.
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Sugar Magnolia 03:33 AM 06-25-2015
I've said this before, but just the phrase "attached parenting" makes me cringe. It somehow implies that those of us who did NOT breastfeed and cosleep or occasionally let our babies cry it out........are somehow not attached to our children. Somehow, I apparently just don't love my kids as much as they do. I don't judge people for practicing AP, but somehow they always seem to be judging me for NOT practicing it. My oldest is 20, and he is so "attached" he is still living at home.
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Blackcat31 06:02 AM 06-25-2015
Attachment Parenting is not a bad thing and is more or less what most of us do for our own children anyways...

It's the parents that take the bits and pieces of this method of parenting and don't FULLY understand it's principles.

The ONLY reason most child care providers STRONGLY dislike the AP methods is because there really is no place in it for child care.

Like the definitions posted in the links above, the point of AP is to cultivate a strong bond between child and caregiver and we all know that creating, cultivating and perfecting this bond/attachment requires a great deal of time WITH the child as well as ALOT Of one on one attention....something most child care providers are simply unable to do.

It doesn't make AP bad nor does it create self-absorbed, entitled children IF done correctly.

It just doesn't mesh with GROUP care when the entire foundation of AP is meeting the individual child's needs based on the child's INDIVIDUAL growth and developmental patterns. Something that goes directly against the foundation of group care.

Needing to meet the group's needs as a whole is the exact opposite of the idea/concepts of Attachment Parenting and THAT is where the issue lies for child care.

It's my personal belief that anyone claiming to be raising their child according to the principles of attachment parenting but wants to enroll their child in child care is totally doing it wrong or is misunderstanding the method entirely.
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KiddieCahoots 07:26 AM 06-25-2015
Does this thread hit home!

I don't know if I'm attracting these type of parents, or if this is now the majority parenting style?

How bad would it be for me to print this thread out and give it to perspective parents on interviewing to let them know lound and clear.....this will not be tolerated!?
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Thriftylady 07:36 AM 06-25-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Attachment Parenting is not a bad thing and is more or less what most of us do for our own children anyways...

It's the parents that take the bits and pieces of this method of parenting and don't FULLY understand it's principles.

The ONLY reason most child care providers STRONGLY dislike the AP methods is because there really is no place in it for child care.

Like the definitions posted in the links above, the point of AP is to cultivate a strong bond between child and caregiver and we all know that creating, cultivating and perfecting this bond/attachment requires a great deal of time WITH the child as well as ALOT Of one on one attention....something most child care providers are simply unable to do.

It doesn't make AP bad nor does it create self-absorbed, entitled children IF done correctly.

It just doesn't mesh with GROUP care when the entire foundation of AP is meeting the individual child's needs based on the child's INDIVIDUAL growth and developmental patterns. Something that goes directly against the foundation of group care.

Needing to meet the group's needs as a whole is the exact opposite of the idea/concepts of Attachment Parenting and THAT is where the issue lies for child care.

It's my personal belief that anyone claiming to be raising their child according to the principles of attachment parenting but wants to enroll their child in child care is totally doing it wrong or is misunderstanding the method entirely.
I agree with this, mostly. The whole thing for me is do what you want with your child, but keep it safe and don't expect others to be able to do it. I guess I think if people want to parent this way, they should be prepared to pay a nanny. And the co sleeping bothers me because if as studies show it really causes deaths, no one should be doing it. Am I the only one who sees a conflict between "attachment" and doing something that is shown to cause great harm to the child? I think that is my biggest problem with it outside of parents wanting it in daycare.
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Blackcat31 08:12 AM 06-25-2015
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
I agree with this, mostly. The whole thing for me is do what you want with your child, but keep it safe and don't expect others to be able to do it. I guess I think if people want to parent this way, they should be prepared to pay a nanny. And the co sleeping bothers me because if as studies show it really causes deaths, no one should be doing it. Am I the only one who sees a conflict between "attachment" and doing something that is shown to cause great harm to the child? I think that is my biggest problem with it outside of parents wanting it in daycare.
That's my point.... true AP does not include others or a nanny. It's the bond/attachment to the PARENT.

As for causing great harm to the child, I don't think any principle of AP causes great harm to the child (maybe to their psyche later in life when some find out that the whole world is not on the same page) but I don't see anything that causes great harm. Not even co-sleeping.

If done "correctly" co-sleeping IS beneficial to the child/parent. Co-sleeping does not mean the infant is snuggled up under fluffy blankets, tucked under mama's arm or attached to the breast on a waterbed while both parent and baby sleeps.... contrary to what we (general we, as providers) see/understand as co-sleeping, it CAN be done in a safe and beneficial manner.

I think I mentioned it above but the WRONG in attachment parenting (for parents) is not fully understanding what it truly is and taking only bits and pieces of it and then doing it wrong.
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Thriftylady 08:25 AM 06-25-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
That's my point.... true AP does not include others or a nanny. It's the bond/attachment to the PARENT.

As for causing great harm to the child, I don't think any principle of AP causes great harm to the child (maybe to their psyche later in life when some find out that the whole world is not on the same page) but I don't see anything that causes great harm. Not even co-sleeping.

If done "correctly" co-sleeping IS beneficial to the child/parent. Co-sleeping does not mean the infant is snuggled up under fluffy blankets, tucked under mama's arm or attached to the breast on a waterbed while both parent and baby sleeps.... contrary to what we (general we, as providers) see/understand as co-sleeping, it CAN be done in a safe and beneficial manner.

I think I mentioned it above but the WRONG in attachment parenting (for parents) is not fully understanding what it truly is and taking only bits and pieces of it and then doing it wrong.
Yes you mentioned it, but I can only speak to what I have actually seen. I don't believe it is meant do be done the way some do it, but I have seen so much of it. People do it with other things also so it isn't just this. I mean people get prescribed medications and don't take them right same thing really.
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Sugaree 09:33 AM 06-25-2015
I'm sure this will come as no big surprise, but I ascribe to some of the attachment parenting teachings. He's still nursing at 2. We co-sleep and have since he was born. I'd still rather wear him than deal with a stroller.

BUT

I don't expect anyone else to do that. He sleeps on a cot at daycare. Sure, the first few weeks were rough with him only going to sleep in the bouncy chair at daycare. I've never asked anyone else to lay with him or wear him or anything. He's a smart kid and understands that daycare isn't home and things are done differently.

I also have no problems letting him cry and whine over non-emergency things.
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Play Care 09:36 AM 06-25-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
That's my point.... true AP does not include others or a nanny. It's the bond/attachment to the PARENT.

As for causing great harm to the child, I don't think any principle of AP causes great harm to the child (maybe to their psyche later in life when some find out that the whole world is not on the same page) but I don't see anything that causes great harm. Not even co-sleeping.

If done "correctly" co-sleeping IS beneficial to the child/parent. Co-sleeping does not mean the infant is snuggled up under fluffy blankets, tucked under mama's arm or attached to the breast on a waterbed while both parent and baby sleeps.... contrary to what we (general we, as providers) see/understand as co-sleeping, it CAN be done in a safe and beneficial manner.

I think I mentioned it above but the WRONG in attachment parenting (for parents) is not fully understanding what it truly is and taking only bits and pieces of it and then doing it wrong.

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AuntTami 10:16 AM 06-25-2015
I have to agree with you here BC. AP is exactly what it says, attachment PARENTING. There's no room or time in group care to do the attachment part, and we aren't the child's parents.

I honestly feel like those that are "doing" AP, are really doing MORE harm to their children by doing it AND putting them in daycare than if they were not trying so hard or kept them home.

Think about it? You spend the first year building this strong, loving emotional bond with yo R baby where every time he cries or fusses, you're holding him. He's grown to expect you there at the smallest cry. And then you drop him off at daycare where not only are they not holding him every minute and attending to his every noise, which is enough of a shock to a little person, but then you take away their "security" item which is mom/dad and NOW what?

It's no wonder daycares frown on AP! We're dealing with a child all day who has lost his favorite blankie!
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LysesKids 10:54 AM 06-25-2015
Originally Posted by Sugaree:
I'm sure this will come as no big surprise, but I ascribe to some of the attachment parenting teachings. He's still nursing at 2. We co-sleep and have since he was born. I'd still rather wear him than deal with a stroller.

BUT

I don't expect anyone else to do that. He sleeps on a cot at daycare. Sure, the first few weeks were rough with him only going to sleep in the bouncy chair at daycare. I've never asked anyone else to lay with him or wear him or anything. He's a smart kid and understands that daycare isn't home and things are done differently.

I also have no problems letting him cry and whine over non-emergency things.
See that's where you and a lot of AP parents differ... I do nothing but infant care and some of the moms interviewing refuse to allow CIO for even 2 minutes because I am busy with another baby, or they want the baby coddled at every turn - I also tell them their child has to sleep in the crib or on the floor bed (12 months & up), and I will not lay next to them or allow them to sleep on me... all the babes here get loads of love & hugs, but it's shared, not 1 on 1 like at home. I commend you for accepting and understanding the differences between home & childcare
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mommyneedsadayoff 11:46 AM 06-25-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Attachment Parenting is not a bad thing and is more or less what most of us do for our own children anyways...

It's the parents that take the bits and pieces of this method of parenting and don't FULLY understand it's principles.

The ONLY reason most child care providers STRONGLY dislike the AP methods is because there really is no place in it for child care.

Like the definitions posted in the links above, the point of AP is to cultivate a strong bond between child and caregiver and we all know that creating, cultivating and perfecting this bond/attachment requires a great deal of time WITH the child as well as ALOT Of one on one attention....something most child care providers are simply unable to do.

It doesn't make AP bad nor does it create self-absorbed, entitled children IF done correctly.

It just doesn't mesh with GROUP care when the entire foundation of AP is meeting the individual child's needs based on the child's INDIVIDUAL growth and developmental patterns. Something that goes directly against the foundation of group care.

Needing to meet the group's needs as a whole is the exact opposite of the idea/concepts of Attachment Parenting and THAT is where the issue lies for child care.

It's my personal belief that anyone claiming to be raising their child according to the principles of attachment parenting but wants to enroll their child in child care is totally doing it wrong or is misunderstanding the method entirely.


I agree with this. I really think they THINK they are practicing attachment parenting, but to me, it is more like coddle parenting. I know for some, working is the only option, so they have to have daycare, but oddly enough, all my AP style parents are not those people. They are choosing to go to work for their own needs, which is fine, but I always found it odd. Maybe the parenting style is too consuming for them and they need to get away? Who knows, but I do agree that it is probably more in their head, than a parenting style they are actually following. It is definitely one of those styles that is super trendy right now.
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spinnymarie 11:51 AM 06-25-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Attachment Parenting is not a bad thing and is more or less what most of us do for our own children anyways...
I totally agree. And I think it gets a bad rap because of the many people confusing it with 'no-cry' parenting and a total lack of discipline.

I'm happy to work with attachment parenting families as long as they understand what is functional at daycare and will support it as needed at home.
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Ariana 06:46 PM 06-25-2015
I am an AP and trust me what most parents practice is "permissive parenting". AP is about gentle guidance and natural consequences and limits. It isn't about letting kids rule the roost so to speak. I had one parent choose me as a provider because I told her I practiced AP with my own children....she literally expected me to AP her child. Ummm nope you have to stay home if you want that for your child. This is group care!
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Magic 04:17 PM 06-26-2015
thank you every one
wow a lot of info
I will be reading and reread all this and the sites....

very intresting
the end result is what we all hope for in " our " children

I agree if it is huge AP it is hard to be in day care ....
I kind of did it with my own girl she is 15 now
we are VERY close , she is compassionite and I get many MANY compliments on her ...it is just her and I and she was raised in a day care which realy helped in her growth ...

the part that worries me is INDEPENDENCE

my own girl is very independent ..as we know children are very different when the parents show up ....but I am seeing and guessing that a couple are AP and well ....the parents are caving and doing stuff carring to cars ex when I feel they should be doing and learning to do all this ...
I had one little girl 2 1/2 still nursing having a complete meltdown crying " booby booby " mom says stop I am giving you what you want ...I am teaching the child to ask politely calmly ex....

now I have much more insight to many forms of parenting
I saw it lots just not the lables to go with it all
thanks again every one ...
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