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  #1  
Old 02-22-2018, 06:41 AM
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Default What Has Changed?

To you long time providers...what has changed the most over the years? In regards to parents/kids, not licensing, etc.

I have not been in the business long, but I sent my kids to daycare 20 years ago. I did not question naps, lunch, what they did during the day, where they went, etc. Have things changed or was I just a hands off parent?
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Old 02-22-2018, 06:50 AM
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I think some parents just have a control issue. My kids were on daycare up until a year ago. The only questions I had were a. Weíre the well behaved b. Did they eat well c.if they napped well. It helped me gauge how our evening was going and if I knew they didnít nap well then I could expect certain behaviors. I never questioned how long nap time was, where they slept, how long they slept, what was fed to them or if they didnít like what was served to serve them something else. Figured it was their house, their rules.
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Old 02-22-2018, 06:59 AM
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Besides government involvement and care becoming a synonym for education the biggest change is who runs the household and makes the rules.

It used to be the tallest people in the household, the ones allowed to carry a wallet but now it seems the shortest members or loudest members of the household are the ones in charge.
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Old 02-22-2018, 07:12 AM
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I'm not a long term veteran provider, but have been working with children for about 11.5 years. The biggest change I have seen is the increasing laziness of parents.

Parents are no longer okay seeing their child be upset from their poor choice. Parents are no longer okay putting their foot down and saying NO. Parents now bribe for everything and even if the bribe wasn't "deserved," the child still receives the treat from the parent. Kids are smart. They know their parents don't mean what they say.
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Old 02-22-2018, 07:12 AM
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Parenting in general has changed, and not for the better.

It used to be that parents made rules, expected certain behavior from their children, and commanded respect. But now the world has shifted to view relaxed parenting as the norm. More and more I am seeing parents who let the children make the rules, or parents giving into every little whim of the child because it is easier for the parent.

Of my 3 daycare families, not one has a child that sleeps in their own bed. Family meals at the table become a plate of food on the coffee table and a child allowed to roam and graze. It's the small things that snowball into the big things, that then create bad habits in the household, and children who feel they are entitled to anything they want because mom and dad allow it at home.
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Old 02-22-2018, 07:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Besides government involvement and care becoming a synonym for education the biggest change is who runs the household and makes the rules.

It used to be the tallest people in the household, the ones allowed to carry a wallet but now it seems the shortest members or loudest members of the household are the ones in charge.
Totally agree! Drop off and pick up has changed. During pickup what used to take 2 minutes now takes 15.
Transitions are harder and sometimes days seem longer for these kids. I think this goes along with differing parenting styles and finding the right way to mesh day with evening.

During interviews parents used to ask me if I offer curriculum & activities but during care didn't really mind if I did or didn't. Nowadays I don't get the question at all. I think it's just expected.

I do think asking more questions is a result of us feeling like we really have to in order to keep them safe anywhere and also because.. internet. More opportunity to research and find more questions. My door used to stay unlocked but not anymore.
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Old 02-22-2018, 07:30 AM
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I did not question naps, lunch, what they did during the day, where they went, etc. Have things changed or was I just a hands off parent?
Me either and I think that's a good thing.
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Old 02-22-2018, 07:51 AM
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The crazy thing is, is I can see the "cut off line". Parents in their late 30's/40's seem to parent more like I do and the younger 30's on down are the more "difficult" parents.

I asked my 20 year old daughter about how she will parent some day and she said "as much as I listen to you complain, my kids will not be in control of me!" Her poor kids are going to walk the line!
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Old 02-22-2018, 08:02 AM
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The crazy thing is, is I can see the "cut off line". Parents in their late 30's/40's seem to parent more like I do and the younger 30's on down are the more "difficult" parents.

I asked my 20 year old daughter about how she will parent some day and she said "as much as I listen to you complain, my kids will not be in control of me!" Her poor kids are going to walk the line!
I see the opposite.... those parents I have that are in their 30ies/40ies seem to be all about appeasing their child and (over) explaining everything.... no cry parents.....~why you can't slam the door in someone's face doesn't require a 12 minute discussion down at the child's eye level while speaking gently and calmly (as child completely stops listening at the 1:12 minute mark ).

Those parents that are a bit younger (20ies/some early 30ies) are giving me hope that the pendulum is swinging in the opposite direction.

The two toughest, most no-nonsense parents/families I have in care are both about 24 to 26 yrs of age. They are firm, direct and no nonsense type of parents yet are caring, loving and have very well behaved and well adjusted children.

My 30-40 yr old parents are carrying their 4 and 5 yr olds in and undressing them completely while child just stands there and does nothing. The biggest issue I have with the children of that type of parenting is the child is constantly questioning why they have to do X, Y or Z or get upset because the choice they want isn't an option. Many require their adult to entertain them 24/7.

The common tie with those children is that none of them seem to understand why life isn't fair since they were clearly taught that life is suppose to be equal and fair for all. Despite the fact that none of them want to work for any of it. They simply sit back and wait for others to supply whatever it is they need at the moment.

FWIW~ I am not painting all parents in any age group with one brush...I am speaking generally and based on my observations over the last few decades.
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Old 02-22-2018, 08:14 AM
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IMO, the parents who spend the least amount of time parenting their kids seem to have the most unreasonable expectations of their child's caregivers. I believe the more hours a child spends emotionally detached from their parents (whether in daycare or strapped in some device/glued to some screen while their parent is tuned out) are, and will continue to be, the ones with the most behavioral issues.

I think that has stayed consistent over the years. Kids have not changed, parents have not changed. Society's expectations of parents have changed. They are no longer viewed as capable of raising children without intervention. That is new. Parents should be offended by the over reach, but I am not seeing that reaction at all. Many seem relieved of duty.
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Old 02-22-2018, 08:35 AM
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I have been in business since 1997.

What has changed since then in the business part-What is required of us, having to prove ourselves, having to have lengthy contracts, handbooks, degrees, needing to do things I have not been trained in and try to show the state/government that in home childcares are important.

What has changed since then in parenting-technology, parents working way longer hours, parents not keeping children home if they are off, parents not picking up early if they are off early, being overwhelmed more, needing more "me" time, more "behaverial issues, children that won't eat unless fast food, the break down of family time, no respect for rules, children being raised in child care, children with no respect for adults, the almighty dollar is very important, the overall breakdown of family.

I could go on and on but that is what I'm seeing as what has changed in the childcare would since 1997.
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Old 02-22-2018, 08:44 AM
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. Society's expectations of parents have changed.

Parents should be offended by the over reach, but I am not seeing that reaction at all.

Many seem relieved of duty.
ALL of that is so true.

The relief is almost "heard" in their collective sighs during drop off, especially on Monday mornings.

I agree with the expectations of society as well but I see issues more with society's acceptance of certain things verses just societal expectations....and yet today's society is probably the most judgmental.
Hmm.... those two forces alone create problems as they work from opposite ends of the thought process.

Society's expectations + society's judgment = lose-lose situation for parents no matter what they do.

Translated: let others do it for me (avoiding judgement) only to be judged for not doing anything.

Oh what wicked cycle....
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Old 02-22-2018, 09:10 AM
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Consumerism has changed also!

I grew up with Saturday morning cartoons on the one concole tv we had that you had to walk across the floor to change channels.
I grew up with the Sears Christmas Catalog ear marked with my dreams for Christmas.
Christmas displays set up the day before Thanksgiving and shopping started the day after.
There was an emphasis still on Thanksgiving.

My children grew up with more cartoons and where parents weren't present, divorced parents, shipped off to boarding schools, etc.
Not a big tv but had a remote to change the channels. We had two tv's also.
My kids grew up with more commercials showing for toys for Christmas.
Christmas was set up right after around the beginning of November and shopping started soon after.
Thanksgiving is now becoming a holiday of the past because more focus on Christmas.



Children now have some sort of technology constantly whether a tv in every room, a tablet, IPad, phone, or the dvd player in the car. They either have to have a show or some sort of game to play.
Toys are still there but with so much technology do kids really play with them still?
Christmas I swear is now set up in July/August and you better get to shopping. At the same time though, lets watch small businesses go out of business because you can now order online.
Whats Thanksgiving-all the stores are open because you have to get the best deal for Christmas.

Holidays are being taken taken out of schools, yet from October-April there are holidays to worry about and you better make sure you spend $$$$$$$ on all of them.

Now that Christmas is gone-your money needs to go to Valentines Day, St. Patricks Day, Easter and way off in the distance Halloween will be here before you know it! Oh, all the while start saving or buying for Christmas because its only xxx number of days away.

So not necessarily change in childcare but all this does make an impact on the families enrolled in our child cares.
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Old 02-22-2018, 09:16 AM
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From that littlest child in the house......I wanna talk about me, wanna talk about my, wanna talk about number one oh my me my.....Yep just like the song by Toby Keith, these kids are all about them....parents have created selfish little robots that notice nothing but themselves and what they want, when they want it and how they want ....and providers too many times start over every single day. In the past, It was easier to separate home and daycare rules but kids don't seem as adapt to that anymore.....always about them with the blank stares like "you mean me, do it now".....drives me nuts some days!
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Old 02-22-2018, 09:49 AM
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Kids had a healthy appreciation, respect and maybe just a little bit of fear for authority figures. So they listened much more than today and I feel because of that, all hell's broke loose. Parents were more apt to follow through with threatened consequences. Now that hardly ever happens. Or parents speak before thinking and offer threats they know they cannot follow through with. Loss of all credibility happens then. Kids actually listened to their parents way back when. But kids still felt as if they mattered; discipline may have been handed out with a heavier hand but kids weren't juggled around between 100 different caregivers or babysitters just so parents could get their ME time which turns into free time for every single little thing. Why don't kids accompany parents to the store anymore?
Kids are screaming for attention and in doing so, are given very temporary solutions, a quick fix for the moment but it doesn't fix the problem of no time for a child that a parent chose to have.
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Old 02-22-2018, 09:54 AM
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I completely agree with society's expectations too. Every professional's book says something different in how to raise a child, what's wrong and right, better or best. Everybody's opinion is better than the last, many parents strive to be that perfect parent. Don't ever tell your kid no. BS on that. Don't want to hurt their self esteem so tread gently and don't be negative. There has to be a firm enough line, given with a lot of love, acceptance, but kids still need to learn right from wrong.
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Old 02-22-2018, 09:59 AM
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How cool would a parental bonding time fit bit type watch be? When they spend time doing fun projects, going for a swim, taking a walk or tossing a ball around with their own kids they get feedback points that can be instantly shared to their social media accounts for "high five" validation. Each time they check social media, take a call or answer an email during that time they lose points. As the social validation climbs, time spent with their own kids climb. Parents competing with each other for the most high fives until kids start asking for their own "me" time.
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Old 02-22-2018, 10:01 AM
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I have a dck4 now that I am working with the parent on choices/consequences. He thinks "spanking" is the only alternative and he doesn't spank so it is a constant "yes" to this kid. she gets what she wants when she wants it. this is the one that gets up screaming running around the house all night long. I asked if she had a consequence and he said "well, we explain that sleep makes you smarter" Uhm....ok....how did that work for you THis kid runs off adrenaline until she collapses which can be days at times. It's a parent problem!!!! Consequences and boundaries don't have to be spanking....take something away, give extra chores, etc...
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Old 02-22-2018, 10:08 AM
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Kids had a healthy appreciation, respect and maybe just a little bit of fear for authority figures. So they listened much more than today and I feel because of that, all hell's broke loose. Parents were more apt to follow through with threatened consequences. Now that hardly ever happens. Or parents speak before thinking and offer threats they know they cannot follow through with. Loss of all credibility happens then. Kids actually listened to their parents way back when. But kids still felt as if they mattered; discipline may have been handed out with a heavier hand but kids weren't juggled around between 100 different caregivers or babysitters just so parents could get their ME time which turns into free time for every single little thing. Why don't kids accompany parents to the store anymore?
Kids are screaming for attention and in doing so, are given very temporary solutions, a quick fix for the moment but it doesn't fix the problem of no time for a child that a parent chose to have.
Not only did kids listen and respected their parents back then, but they listened and respected almost all adults. Adults also didn't have to be "scared" of giving a child a consequence because of their actions. You messed up on the bus-your walking, you disrespected a teacher-to the principles office and you knew that was the better part because when you got home that was when the punishment really began, and the list could go on.
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Old 02-22-2018, 10:14 AM
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I grew up in the "whipping" generation....I am in my 50's...BUT I do NOT remember those and I know I got some, but my brothers got more. What I remember is when my parents said it they meant it and there was no negotiation....it was about respect not abuse.....there was one TV so the family gathered IF it was on....none of us were separate in our own rooms with our own TV.....we sat down together at meals......we played board games......we played ball outside.....we went on vacations together.... I think the "quality time" is what is missing in children's lives....quality time builds relationships and a love/respect relationship.... Just my opinions!
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Old 02-22-2018, 10:17 AM
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Not only did kids listen and respected their parents back then, but they listened and respected almost all adults.
Part of that, IMO, was that parents spent time teaching, playing and bonding with the kids so that the kid actually wanted the adults approval and company. The kid liked and trusted the adults. It has to begin there.

If the kid is constantly ignored, invalidated, belittled, bossed around and criticised their entire goal will be to make the adults life miserable. Can't really blame them. There are a lot of these kids out there right now. Passively parented, lonely and angry. Imagine being an 8th grader whose mom has over 100 selfies on facebook this year alone. Who do you respect? Who do you talk to about the bullying?
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Old 02-22-2018, 10:19 AM
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Besides government involvement and care becoming a synonym for education the biggest change is who runs the household and makes the rules.

It used to be the tallest people in the household, the ones allowed to carry a wallet but now it seems the shortest members or loudest members of the household are the ones in charge.
Yes, this. I was thinking of this the other night when I was waiting for my daughter at dance and almost 1/2 of the very limited seating was taken up by children. Most of them were on devices waiting for siblings . About 7 adults were standing, some were grandparents! I would never let my daughter keep her seat over an adult. It was very clear to us as children that if an adult enters the room and you're in the last chair, you get booted.
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Old 02-22-2018, 10:21 AM
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Not only did kids listen and respected their parents back then, but they listened and respected almost all adults.
My 49 year old brother remembers the day (he was 8) he told an adult at church the "he wasn't his daddy and he didn't have to mind him"... We laugh about that story now but it wasn't funny then. He shares that with this man that has passed's daughters..... BUT in all fairness adults acted like adults back then....the problem is today, there are too many adults that act like children???

Last edited by Blackcat31; 02-22-2018 at 10:27 AM.
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Old 02-22-2018, 11:14 AM
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^ alllll of this-plus later potty training (he doesn't want to...) poor diets (screaming until they get nuggets for dinner) ZERO outside time (unless they're here...)

To parents- put your damn phones down, put the screens away and FACE TIME (Not the app) with your child.

No, the audio books DO NOT replace your snuggles at bedtime.

No, your child DOES NOT need a screen in the car/dr's office/grocery store-you name it.

Go outside, get messy, set reasonable limits, expect more behaviorally and your children WILL rise to the challenge.

and OH MY the increase in gross motor and speech delays. I know K teachers who say it's at record highs for OT, PT and ST consults.
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Old 02-22-2018, 12:30 PM
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^ alllll of this-plus later potty training (he doesn't want to...) poor diets (screaming until they get nuggets for dinner) ZERO outside time (unless they're here...)

To parents- put your damn phones down, put the screens away and FACE TIME (Not the app) with your child.

No, the audio books DO NOT replace your snuggles at bedtime.

No, your child DOES NOT need a screen in the car/dr's office/grocery store-you name it.

Go outside, get messy, set reasonable limits, expect more behaviorally and your children WILL rise to the challenge.

and OH MY the increase in gross motor and speech delays. I know K teachers who say it's at record highs for OT, PT and ST consults.
Kindergartners are now going with pull ups on in school. One of my parents who is a k teacher was telling me she has like three in pull ups.

I read an article that the speech delays is from the technology that these kids are getting that their brains aren't wired for.
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Old 02-22-2018, 12:39 PM
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I've been at this for over 30 years now. Almost all parents were on the same wavelength back then. They spent more time with their kids, actually listened when I needed to discuss behavior and so on. I hardly got questioned about anything.

Nowadays, most parents can't wait to get rid of their kids to daycare and are disinterested in them. Screen time etc...anything to keep them from being in the way. BUT!...they ask a trillion questions and have all kinds of opinions. I can only assume that for most it's a guilt thing.

"If I "look" and "sound" involved, it will look better on me.

Not all parents....but too many.
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Old 02-22-2018, 12:41 PM
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IMO, the parents who spend the least amount of time parenting their kids seem to have the most unreasonable expectations of their child's caregivers. I believe the more hours a child spends emotionally detached from their parents (whether in daycare or strapped in some device/glued to some screen while their parent is tuned out) are, and will continue to be, the ones with the most behavioral issues.

I think that has stayed consistent over the years. Kids have not changed, parents have not changed. Society's expectations of parents have changed. They are no longer viewed as capable of raising children without intervention. That is new. Parents should be offended by the over reach, but I am not seeing that reaction at all. Many seem relieved of duty.
Slow clap for all of what you just said!. I'm seeing so many parents who feel they know everything about parenting and will give you their opinion on every last situation, but they spend very little time actually parenting. For lack of better words, they want all the glory, without doing the work.
One big difference I can see though in one on one time with parents, is that when I was young, we were told to go outside and find something to do.
So we weren't around our parents, but we were outside busy playing and using our imaginations. Now, however, you're still not doing one on one with your parents, but you're inside, in the same room, on your tech device. You are not interacting, even though you are around each other...it's a really weird vibe. It's such a detachment that I feel like that's going to cause problems later on when you want your kid to talk to you.
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Old 02-22-2018, 05:41 PM
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I'm new to the profession of being a daycare provider, but in my opinion every generation thinks that the upcoming generation is rude, disrespectful, don't know how good they have it, etc. I'm 42 and I remember growing up with the TV always on. Quality time spent with my parents was spent watching TV. So, TV has basically been replaced with these handheld devices, and its both parents and kids addicted to these things. Also growing up I was outside all day playing with friends, parents were hardly ever involved. Sometimes when we think about the past its with rose colored glasses. We only remember what we want to. My Dad (who's 70) told me recently how lucky kids are these days, and back when he was growing up kids weren't really thought of much at all. Him and his siblings were beat as kids, and I'm not talking of your regular spankings that are now considered child abuse. Children were used as cheap labor too, and still are in some countries.

The biggest difference in this generation is the advancements in technology. However, not everyone allows it to take over their lives. I have couple of sets of parents that are awesome with their kids, and you can tell in their kids behavior. They are polite and respectful. I have had a couple of kids in my care though that had some behavioral issues. Are these issues due to the influences of today's society? I don't know for sure, but there were plenty of kids when I was growing up who had behavioral issues too.

Basically what I'm saying is every generation has good and bad qualities, and things that make them unique. Overall people are still people though, and we all still have the same feelings and instincts that make us human.
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Old 02-23-2018, 02:17 AM
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I agree with some of what you said Homebody. But I think back to when I was in school and teachers weren't limited in how they disciplined the kids. Chewing gum in class meant you had to wear that gum on your nose for the day. Can you imagine if that happened nowadays? Students caught wreaking havoc on buses walked, plain and simple. It became the parents' problem to get them to school. I remember in 4th grade the teacher had a ruler by the door to remind us we had to behave respectfully or a slap of the ruler across the knuckles would happen. And watching her do it to the same 2 guilty kids kept the rest of us in line.
Chewing gum in class? Talking out of turn? Running in the halls? Putting your hands on another child, as in playing with a friend? Those were the common discipline problems of yesteryear. Look at the common problems of today's classrooms?? There is a huge difference there. Discipline has become a negative word. In the past 10-20 years I can only remember a handful of parents who were not afraid to speak up to the children to let them know who is the real boss at home. Everybody else has been trying to do the real conversations of discussion, how do you think so-and-so feels, what else can we do differently, let's talk it over with our friends, etc., etc. Sometimes that IS the thing to do but many 2-3 yos do NOT have the attention span or processing to take that all in. What exactly is wrong with saying 'because I'm the adult and I say so'. There should be no wiggle room for manipulation from a child that young. Instead of telling a 2-3 yo they shouldn't pull hair because it hurts, parents go into this whole long spiel about why. Kids shut them out.
Plus kids don't seem to be taught manners anymore. And that can go a long way towards respecting others. Home lives have changed. Parents don't hold back their fighting, their language, their behavior in front of little impressionable kids. Anything goes. They talk about everything in front of kids. They watch everything on TV in front of their kids. Kids absorb and everybody becomes insensitive to what used to be horrifying in our lives.
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Old 02-23-2018, 04:52 AM
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Too many do NO discipline in the name of "don't abuse kids".....I tell my clients discipline doesn't have to be something physical. I think they are so afraid of the physical part that they do nothing. All kids need boundaries and structure which simply means routines and expectations.....and families just can't grasp that!
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Old 02-23-2018, 06:07 AM
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Basically what I'm saying is every generation has good and bad qualities, and things that make them unique. Overall people are still people though, and we all still have the same feelings and instincts that make us human.
I agree with a bit of what you said in your entire post but I don't necessarily agree with this. ^^

People are still people but people have become self-centered, selfish and oblivious to others in the world now days.

It's all about "me".

Individual feelings, thoughts, actions and self-declared "rights" etc...... people seem to only care about what is important to them.

Empathy and understanding for everyone is no longer a subject even discussed or heard. It's only about what YOU (general you) want, need and like. period.

A previous poster mentioned kids being in trouble at school and being more fearful of the consequence or punishment their parent would impose on them than they were of any school rules. Now days the parent will storm into the school and make accusations that the school is treat their snowflake unfairly. Doesn't matter what Snowflake did/didn't do...

Another previous poster mentioned kids respecting all adults....if I went to any house in my neighborhood growing up, I knew all the adults were "in charge" and they would all hold me to the same basic set of standards. If I did something wrong, I could bet my allowance they would have called my parent and told them long before I could make it home.

Another thing mentioned was the focus on self-esteem... I don't think I even knew what that was until middle school. My parents nor any other adult in my life never gave a second thought about my self-esteem. That type of thing wasn't an issue until families started to deteriorate and adults started being more concerned about themselves than those around them or even in the same household.


I do agree that technology has had an impact on society but I don't believe that technology is the lead in the water so to speak but I definitely think it made non-parenting easier. It provides the children something to do while the parent can get back to focusing on themselves.
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Old 02-23-2018, 06:25 AM
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How cool would a parental bonding time fit bit type watch be? When they spend time doing fun projects, going for a swim, taking a walk or tossing a ball around with their own kids they get feedback points that can be instantly shared to their social media accounts for "high five" validation. Each time they check social media, take a call or answer an email during that time they lose points. As the social validation climbs, time spent with their own kids climb. Parents competing with each other for the most high fives until kids start asking for their own "me" time.
Million dollar idea!
Being a responsible parent might actually become trendy again.
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Old 02-23-2018, 06:26 AM
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I agree with some of what you said Homebody. But I think back to when I was in school and teachers weren't limited in how they disciplined the kids. Chewing gum in class meant you had to wear that gum on your nose for the day. Can you imagine if that happened nowadays? Students caught wreaking havoc on buses walked, plain and simple. It became the parents' problem to get them to school. I remember in 4th grade the teacher had a ruler by the door to remind us we had to behave respectfully or a slap of the ruler across the knuckles would happen. And watching her do it to the same 2 guilty kids kept the rest of us in line.
Chewing gum in class? Talking out of turn? Running in the halls? Putting your hands on another child, as in playing with a friend? Those were the common discipline problems of yesteryear. Look at the common problems of today's classrooms?? There is a huge difference there. Discipline has become a negative word. In the past 10-20 years I can only remember a handful of parents who were not afraid to speak up to the children to let them know who is the real boss at home. Everybody else has been trying to do the real conversations of discussion, how do you think so-and-so feels, what else can we do differently, let's talk it over with our friends, etc., etc. Sometimes that IS the thing to do but many 2-3 yos do NOT have the attention span or processing to take that all in. What exactly is wrong with saying 'because I'm the adult and I say so'. There should be no wiggle room for manipulation from a child that young. Instead of telling a 2-3 yo they shouldn't pull hair because it hurts, parents go into this whole long spiel about why. Kids shut them out.
Plus kids don't seem to be taught manners anymore. And that can go a long way towards respecting others. Home lives have changed. Parents don't hold back their fighting, their language, their behavior in front of little impressionable kids. Anything goes. They talk about everything in front of kids. They watch everything on TV in front of their kids. Kids absorb and everybody becomes insensitive to what used to be horrifying in our lives.
I agree that some people especially teachers are afraid to discipline anymore, as far as parents go it just depends on the parents. I remember children who acted out and got paddled in class. Did it correct their behavior? No it didn't. I had one set parents in their early 20's who admitted to spanking their almost 2 year old. He was one of the kids who I had behavior problems with. And yes talking it out with a 2-3 year old doesn't work. I'm old school in that when dealing with really young children like that I don't try to reason with them because there's no point, they don't understand. I just tell them this is how it is and how its done. As fas as the anything goes, and talking openly in front of kids, and watching anything on TV in front of them, well that went on when I was growing up too. At least in the circle I grew up in. My cousins and friends, we were exposed to things we shouldn't of been. I'm not saying we don't have problems today. I'm just saying things weren't perfect in the so called good ole days too. I've also been to plenty of family reunions where my nieces and nephews, who only see each other once a year, will sit in the living room together and be on their smart phones not saying anything to each other. The problems we have now are different with how technology and government over reach has taken over. But I don't think all children and parents have problems. Whether talking about today or way back when, there's always the bad apples that seems to influence how everyone sees the world. Everything isn't all good, but everything isn't all bad. Every generation has its challenges.
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Old 02-23-2018, 06:28 AM
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I agree with a bit of what you said in your entire post but I don't necessarily agree with this. ^^

People are still people but people have become self-centered, selfish and oblivious to others in the world now days.

It's all about "me".

Individual feelings, thoughts, actions and self-declared "rights" etc...... people seem to only care about what is important to them.

Empathy and understanding for everyone is no longer a subject even discussed or heard. It's only about what YOU (general you) want, need and like. period.

A previous poster mentioned kids being in trouble at school and being more fearful of the consequence or punishment their parent would impose on them than they were of any school rules. Now days the parent will storm into the school and make accusations that the school is treat their snowflake unfairly. Doesn't matter what Snowflake did/didn't do...

Another previous poster mentioned kids respecting all adults....if I went to any house in my neighborhood growing up, I knew all the adults were "in charge" and they would all hold me to the same basic set of standards. If I did something wrong, I could bet my allowance they would have called my parent and told them long before I could make it home.

Another thing mentioned was the focus on self-esteem... I don't think I even knew what that was until middle school. My parents nor any other adult in my life never gave a second thought about my self-esteem. That type of thing wasn't an issue until families started to deteriorate and adults started being more concerned about themselves than those around them or even in the same household.


I do agree that technology has had an impact on society but I don't believe that technology is the lead in the water so to speak but I definitely think it made non-parenting easier. It provides the children something to do while the parent can get back to focusing on themselves.
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Old 02-23-2018, 06:44 AM
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People are still people but people have become self-centered, selfish and oblivious to others in the world now days.

It's all about "me".

Individual feelings, thoughts, actions and self-declared "rights" etc...... people seem to only care about what is important to them.

Empathy and understanding for everyone is no longer a subject even discussed or heard. It's only about what YOU (general you) want, need and like. period.
This is where I disagree. Yes, there are alot of people out there like this, but not everyone. This is where I think people are only seeing what they want to see. Yes, I see a lot of self-centered and selfish people, but I also see alot of giving, loving, and caring people too. What is bothering me is that when everyone is talking about "How everyone is today" we are putting everyone in the same group, and saying everyone today is like this - selfish, self-centered, can't discipline, unconnected, etc. But everyone is not like this, just some. At least this is how I see things in my little corner of the world. I still have some hope.
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Old 02-23-2018, 06:59 AM
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This is where I disagree. Yes, there are alot of people out there like this, but not everyone. This is where I think people are only seeing what they want to see. Yes, I see a lot of self-centered and selfish people, but I also see alot of giving, loving, and caring people too. What is bothering me is that when everyone is talking about "How everyone is today" we are putting everyone in the same group, and saying everyone today is like this - selfish, self-centered, can't discipline, unconnected, etc. But everyone is not like this, just some. At least this is how I see things in my little corner of the world. I still have some hope.
When those that ARE like I described in my previous post are the majority that is when we (as a society) have a problem.

I am not talking about specific generations...I didn't take this thread as being about specific generations at all but more about society and parenting in general.

There are good and bad people in every group type. But it used to be that those that were self-centered and egocentric were the minority or the odd ducks but when the majority of those within a societal group become self-centered and egocentric, where does that leave those that are helpful, kind and empathetic? It leaves them in the minority. That sets the stage for a pretty unstable future when it comes to raising children.

So yes, I guess sometimes everyone gets painted with the same broad brush or the same set of ideas and while it isn't always 100% accurate, it's just the way it is sometimes...and those that truly feel they don't feel they fit into that description usually rise to the top and still do for others as they were taught/raised because it's the right thing to do. NOT because others will applaud them for it.

Just like daycare providers....parents will usually paint us all with the same broad brush but those of us that don't fit that description just keep doing what we do because it's the right thing to do.

Integrity. It's a rare trait now.

Mostly because there is no button for it....
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Old 02-23-2018, 07:39 AM
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When those that ARE like I described in my previous post are the majority that is when we (as a society) have a problem.

I am not talking about specific generations...I didn't take this thread as being about specific generations at all but more about society and parenting in general.

There are good and bad people in every group type. But it used to be that those that were self-centered and egocentric were the minority or the odd ducks but when the majority of those within a societal group become self-centered and egocentric, where does that leave those that are helpful, kind and empathetic? It leaves them in the minority. That sets the stage for a pretty unstable future when it comes to raising children.

So yes, I guess sometimes everyone gets painted with the same broad brush or the same set of ideas and while it isn't always 100% accurate, it's just the way it is sometimes...and those that truly feel they don't feel they fit into that description usually rise to the top and still do for others as they were taught/raised because it's the right thing to do. NOT because others will applaud them for it.

Just like daycare providers....parents will usually paint us all with the same broad brush but those of us that don't fit that description just keep doing what we do because it's the right thing to do.

Integrity. It's a rare trait now.

Mostly because there is no button for it....
True, and I get what you are saying. Sometimes I think that certain areas of this country are worse or better than others in regards to this. I mean you can see after a natural disaster occurs, or even a big win for a local team like the Super Bowl or World Series in how different communities react. Some will join together in a peaceful manner, and others will be nothing but chaos. In my area we do have what has become the norm for a lot of cities with drive by shootings and violence, but when our baseball team won the World Series a couple years ago there was no looting or ransacking local businesses. Almost a million people joined together in downtown KC for the parade and celebration. Only 3 were arrested for non violent crimes out of all those people. It was a wonderful feeling seeing all these people celebrating peacefully. I'm sorry if I have gotten way off track here from what the OP had asked, but I just wonder if the differences we all have in our opinions on people in general may have to do with how things are in our local communities?
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Old 02-23-2018, 08:05 AM
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I just wonder if the differences we all have in our opinions on people in general may have to do with how things are in our local communities?
Excellent point!!! We can only make judgements and form opinions according to the knowledge and/or experiences we have. I absolutely agree that is a huge influence!
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Old 02-26-2018, 07:38 AM
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1. Parents are busy. They both need to work to provide and donít get a lot of time off after baby is born. I feel like this has left people a little out of touch with their child. In some it also causes a guilt that they canít address because there is no solution or the solution is being broke.
2. Upward mobility. So many people donít live close to family so they donít get the wisdom you get when being around children. They also donít get the wisdom of elders. They feel lost so they go online and search up every reason their quiet and easy 1 month old is suddenly crying or up more at night. They need a reason and a solution..it canít just be because children constantly change. They get all of the advice from mommy boards (women who range from trying to compete, to trying to judge to having no idea themselves), and people trying to sell books which isnít all that helpful.
3. They feel lost. They try to forge friendships and feel better about how lost they feel as parents by being labeled (breastfeeding moms, cloth diapers, essential oils, no milk, baby wearers, etc...not saying any are bad..did them all myself..just talking about the extreme groups). This group makes them feel better because they feel part of a mommy community but meeting the standards adds more stress.
4. Theyíre out of touch with their child, get a lot of advice from people with an agenda, have little to no knowledge of early childhood development and hear constantly about how Daycare is expensive and how quality care matters. This leads to the ďIím the boss ParentĒ (Who thinks they pay you so much), the ďwhere are the worksheets?Ē parent, the ďmy 13 month old is ready for underwearĒ Parent, etc.
5. Many are out of touch with child development and their child so parenting is more difficult. Plus theyíre exhausted and they donít want to be ďmeanĒ when they only have a little time between Daycare and bedtime to bond. Because itís so hard, harder than they expected, they need more free time just to function.
6. There is so much additional stress now. Between the constant fear of unemployment, major illness, scaring their child for life by saying no and keeping up with the Jonses theyíre one step away from cracking so as prividers we have to tiptoe around difficult situations with their child.
7. The experience and wisdom of a long-term childcare provider isnít valued as much. I think this stems from a lot of parents having a slight feeling of being taken advantage of (because childcare is so expensive), higher education (the Parent thinking they are smarter than a provider with their degree in any other field except ECE, even if the provider holds a degree in ECE).

This is just my area. College educated, middle to upper class parents. Full of clique parenting groups and interesting ideas about children and childcare. Theyíre all trying their best, they love their children and want the best for them but come Monday morning they all get here right at drop off (whereas by Friday there are always some Iím waiting and wondering if theyíre coming). They usually look frazzled at drop off and they hand their child off to me so quickly! Most of my clients do ask for and listen to my advice but it takes a lot more convincing than it used to.
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Old 02-26-2018, 07:44 AM
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8. To add to all that parents donít feel capable. Quality early childhood experiences? How can they provide that? Their degree is in business. It seems to complex because of all of the advice these days. They donít realize that everything about it is just blown up to make another degree path and make colleges more money while trying to make early childhood educators be seen as professionals. Itís quite the conundrum and Iím currently earning my BS in ECE. Iím constantly saying to myself..so this person is famous because they stated an obvious observance about children?
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Old 02-26-2018, 05:35 PM
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Besides government involvement and care becoming a synonym for education the biggest change is who runs the household and makes the rules.

It used to be the tallest people in the household, the ones allowed to carry a wallet but now it seems the shortest members or loudest members of the household are the ones in charge.
This is exactly the problem. The kiddos that have come through my care the past 10-15 years are in charge at home. It all makes me cringe.

Last edited by Blackcat31; 02-26-2018 at 06:22 PM.
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