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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Why So Negative?? (TGIF!!!)
blessedmess8 06:22 AM 09-02-2011
So, I'm fairly new to this forum and I really appreciate the advice and understanding I've found here. However, I see a LOT of negativity. I'm not saying you shouldn't disagree with someone or try to make then see the other side of something. But, there seem to be some people that want to jump in on every post and say negative things or make people feel like they are "wrong." The majority of us are here for advice, ideas, and reassurance. Advice CAN be given in an encouraging way. Most of us don't need another criticism. We get enough of that! I keep seeing posts where people ask for advice and then get absolutely put through the ringer! What the heck?

Anyway! I just want every one of you on here to know that I sent up a special prayer for us all this am! We have a VERY important and demanding role. Happy Friday! Enjoy the long weekend! (If you are closing Mon.) I know I am!!! Woooo-Hoooo!
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Unregistered 06:43 AM 09-02-2011
I agree with you 100%. Thanks for having the courage to post a new thread on this topic. I really wish that all postings were screened for behavior. Some things that are posted clearly violate the behavior policy on this forum, but yet they're never pulled. There have been several members to say the same things in recent months.
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Christina72684 07:04 AM 09-02-2011
I posted the same type of message a month or so ago, asking if there was anything good about owning a daycare because everyone was so negative. I thought the whole point of the Venting thread was for people to vent over there and not here where we ask advice and stuff. And yes.....TGIF! If only I was relaxing all 3 days instead of rearranging and cleaning my daycare
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Meeko 08:19 AM 09-02-2011
A few posts can be negative...(especially from the trolls) but on the whole I think it's all very even.

If someone comes here because they want their ego stroked...then they have come to the wrong place. Most here call a spade a spade. That can sometimes come across as negative to some folks...but I think as child care providers, we are passionate about what we do and we are not backward in coming forward when the subject is close to our hearts.

I've had people agree with me and I've had people chew me out! I am better for it.
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Christian Mother 10:11 AM 09-02-2011
Thank you for the prayer for the start of a awesome 3 day weekend!! I 2 am going to spend a couple of min. praying for you ladies/gentlemen that are in this biz.

I too have noticed some posts were the op is getting torn to pieces for asking for advise on an important matter. I think people need to open there hearts more and think before replying. I guess... be careful on what they write bc it can come off as condescending or hurtful specially when these people posting are really just reaching out for help. Yes, maybe they handled things wrong or just don't know what to do but that is why this forum was created. So we could all come together to offer advise and stories. For the most part people are sympathetic and offer good advise and most of all true advise such as what could happen due to a particular circumstance. And it is not always going to be good or what the op wants to hear...but it makes the op aware. We just need to be careful on how we come a crossed and be sensitive to peoples feelings.
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Sugar Magnolia 10:26 AM 09-02-2011
I am a big fan of "just be nice!" How I wish the world was positive all the time, but that's not going to happen. It usually balances out. I have seen many post of congratulatory nature, some virtual hi-fives and some high praise when people do the right thing. You're right, sometimes it gets nasty. Unfortunately, trolls do happen and they succeed in infuriating otherwise polite people. I know, I got so mad at a troll during the whole 'Minnesota Shutdown' thread, I totally lost my cool. The world is full of negativity, and that comes out online too. The good, the bad and the ugly: just a fact of life. Just try the news blogs or the political blogs if you want to see what full-on hatefulness looks like. Its not pretty. This forum has provided me with helpful solutions, behavioral advice and support when I was down. I think it would be safe to say the 75% of what I read is positive. 20% is constructive criticism. That leaves only 5% of it as nasty and provoking. Not bad. I would challenge you to read the first 10 threads and their replies here today and tabulate that yourself. I'll bet you come out with 75/25/5 thereabouts. And I'm not being "nasty" IMO, just offering some constructive criticism. I like to follow my constructive criticism with a kind thought always though...and here's yours: Welcome to the forum! We do value your opinions and input and are here to help if you need us. Have a great weekend.
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Cat Herder 10:30 AM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by Meeko60:
A few posts can be negative...(especially from the trolls) but on the whole I think it's all very even.

If someone comes here because they want their ego stroked...then they have come to the wrong place. Most here call a spade a spade. That can sometimes come across as negative to some folks...but I think as child care providers, we are passionate about what we do and we are not backward in coming forward when the subject is close to our hearts.

I've had people agree with me and I've had people chew me out! I am better for it.
THIS!!!

I have made many changes since coming here....some with MUCH grumbling. My clients, kids and family are better for it.

Some days I need a pat on the head...others, a swift kick in the arse. I am RARELY the best judge of which I need so I defer to the group at large....

So far that has paid off well.

If you can't take your liqueur, don't belly up to the bar. (a joke...TGIF!!!)
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Zoe 10:32 AM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
I am a big fan of "just be nice!" How I wish the world was positive all the time, but that's not going to happen. It usually balances out. I have seen many post of congratulatory nature, some virtual hi-fives and some high praise when people do the right thing. You're right, sometimes it gets nasty. Unfortunately, trolls do happen and they succeed in infuriating otherwise polite people. I know, I got so mad at a troll during the whole 'Minnesota Shutdown' thread, I totally lost my cool. The world is full of negativity, and that comes out online too. The good, the bad and the ugly: just a fact of life. Just try the news blogs or the political blogs if you want to see what full-on hatefulness looks like. Its not pretty. This forum has provided me with helpful solutions, behavioral advice and support when I was down. I think it would be safe to say the 75% of what I read is positive. 20% is constructive criticism. That leaves only 5% of it as nasty and provoking. Not bad. I would challenge you to read the first 10 threads and their replies here today and tabulate that yourself. I'll bet you come out with 75/25/5 thereabouts. And I'm not being "nasty" IMO, just offering some constructive criticism. I like to follow my constructive criticism with a kind thought always though...and here's yours: Welcome to the forum! We do value your opinions and input and are here to help if you need us. Have a great weekend.
I agree with Sugar! It's hard to put our thoughts and advice into words online without it coming out wrong. Honestly, that's why I use the smilies...it helps! I've blown up once at someone on here when a very personal chord was struck. It happens. But overall, it's support and constructive criticism.

And in regards to our venting, where else can we go when we have problems with so many others around the continent (to include both USA and Canada ) to help us out and give advice! I think if all we did was talk about what is going well, then many of us (myself included) wouldn't feel comfortable admitting when I had a problem, KWIM? We're all human and need to know what to do if something is bothering us.
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godiva83 10:39 AM 09-02-2011
Thanks for the thoughts and prayer
This forum for me has done more good than harm and I appreciate it ten fold.
However, I have found that some people's points do tend to come across more negative than others- but sometimes that's what you get with virtual communication, ppl read it how the interpret the tone and connotations not really how the author meant it to come across.
It is in my opinion, that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and this is a great place to voice them; however, if we disagree with them we need to remind ourselves to correspond with grace and tact.
By the way what are 'trolls'
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Cat Herder 10:42 AM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by godiva83:
By the way what are 'trolls'
Folks with no social network that like to stir up drama unregistered on forums and message boards.
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Zoe 10:43 AM 09-02-2011
[quote=godiva83;142479]

People who come onto the forum and post just to stir the pot. Not to hand out any support or advice. Basically the nastiest things that come onto our board are those of unregistered users (not all of course ) who want to anger others.
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godiva83 10:49 AM 09-02-2011
Ah I see-- I am new to the forum world I will watch out for the trolls, and I think I may just read, "3 Billy Goats Gruff," this afternoon to the kids lol
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Cat Herder 10:51 AM 09-02-2011
Oh, I wish someone would re-post that video about internet forums!!! I could use the laugh!!!
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blessedmess8 11:27 AM 09-02-2011
I guess I am refering to the "trolls." I can take some criticism or a differing opinion, but I've just seen some who consitently post on people's threads as if their way is the ONLY way and if you don't do it that way, you are a STUPID head! ha! i agree that the majority of posts are helpful and informative, and am here to get my ego stroked! just wonder why some people NEVER seem to have a positive thing to say. Maybe they suffer from a bad case of burnout and the three day weekend will help? No, trolls probably don't close for holidays...
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Cat Herder 11:44 AM 09-02-2011
I found it... and I never find exactly what I am looking for...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIyr5TXqe8Y


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Blackcat31 11:48 AM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by blessedmess8:
I guess I am refering to the "trolls." I can take some criticism or a differing opinion, but I've just seen some who consitently post on people's threads as if their way is the ONLY way and if you don't do it that way, you are a STUPID head! ha! i agree that the majority of posts are helpful and informative, and am here to get my ego stroked! just wonder why some people NEVER seem to have a positive thing to say. Maybe they suffer from a bad case of burnout and the three day weekend will help? No, trolls probably don't close for holidays...
that's a good one!!!

Originally Posted by Catherder:
I found it... and I never find exactly what I am looking for...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIyr5TXqe8Y

Cat~ That is hilarious and should almost be a requirement BEFORE being allowed to join or post on the forum. Kind of like how Nan's has her dcp's watch FOod Inc before enrolling! What a great orientation video!!!
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godiva83 11:50 AM 09-02-2011
Lol - oops broke a rule
That was very informative and pretty funny, thanks for the added knowledge and the laugh
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MommyMuffin 12:39 PM 09-02-2011
I think some of those threads are hilarious or like watching a soap opera. Its entertaining during nap time. But sometimes it does get a little too nasty and I just stop reading it. Just ignore the neg and laugh at the rest!
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Cat Herder 12:52 PM 09-02-2011
I WISH I could take credit....

Someone here posted it during the last 28 day cycle.....

It made my week.

Nan got me with FOOD INC, too. I am back in my skinny jeans AND have a better menu for my daycare now. I have learned alot.
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daycare 12:52 PM 09-02-2011
When I first ccame here I too was taken back by some of the rsponses or post that i would read. But one thing you also have to remeber is that it does take time to get to know the regs that post here and understand where they are coming from. there are so many different walks of life here and of course it with stike a debate from time to time.

I think that once you get to know people and understand them you will see that everyone here means no harm and that we are all here for the benefit of others, not just ourself.

Welcome to the form and thanks for the Friday wishes. After the crazy week that I had, I know I could use the TGIF wishes...

Have a super weekend and thanks for brining more peace to the form..
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dEHmom 12:59 PM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I found it... and I never find exactly what I am looking for...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIyr5TXqe8Y



THAT WAS AWESOME whoops broke a rule already.



For the newer people here, please be warned that between the 12th and 20th of the month, the forum heats up (it's the forum cycle). There is a thread on it, and I just don't have time to post it so maybe Michael will do it for me, since he's usually on top of that.
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Blackcat31 01:23 PM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
When I first ccame here I too was taken back by some of the rsponses or post that i would read. But one thing you also have to remeber is that it does take time to get to know the regs that post here and understand where they are coming from. there are so many different walks of life here and of course it with stike a debate from time to time.

I think that once you get to know people and understand them you will see that everyone here means no harm and that we are all here for the benefit of others, not just ourself.

Welcome to the form and thanks for the Friday wishes. After the crazy week that I had, I know I could use the TGIF wishes...

Have a super weekend and thanks for brining more peace to the form..
You know that is a really important thing to address. Alot of times when a member posts a reply or response on here and it is taken as to direct or strict or whatever, it is almost always from a long standing member. In their defense, it is 9 out of 10 times born from the BTDT way thinking. It also has a lot to do with the fact that if you join and hang around long enough you start to see waves of new members joining that will post about things that have gotten covered a million times before. That isn't their fault at all because that is the whole reason they have posted to seek out help or advice form those of us who have BTDT.

But as a member who has been here for almost a year and lurked for even longer, I see the cycles of newbies who are asking the same things over again just like the old newbies did in their new-ness.

IMHO, I think the posts that are direct and to the point and the ones often taken out of context are the ones where a seasoned vet is simply just trying to respond as helpfully, as quickly and as realistically as possible which sometimes takes the sugar coating off and comes out as hurtful or mean to those who aren't familiar with the regular atmosphere around here.

So it is obvious that not only does the the forum have a 28 day cycle it also seems to have a bigger cycle where there are newbie members and old newbies become regulars and the regulars become seasoned, and seasoned veterans just become bitchy (... JUST KIDDING about that last part!) kwim?

All in all though NONE of us would contiue hanging around if we didn't get something from this site. Whether it is support, ideas, advice, socialization, amusement or whatever....every single member is a unique person and although the opinions may differ greatly, every single one of us does mean well.
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Michael 02:05 PM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by godiva83:
Thanks for the thoughts and prayer
This forum for me has done more good than harm and I appreciate it ten fold.
However, I have found that some people's points do tend to come across more negative than others- but sometimes that's what you get with virtual communication, ppl read it how the interpret the tone and connotations not really how the author meant it to come across.
It is in my opinion, that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and this is a great place to voice them; however, if we disagree with them we need to remind ourselves to correspond with grace and tact.
By the way what are 'trolls'
^ Agree with this

What is a troll? Lucky you can't see them:


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PitterPatter 02:08 PM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by Michael:
^ Agree with this

What is a troll? Lucky you can't see them:


LMAO!!!
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PitterPatter 02:12 PM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I found it... and I never find exactly what I am looking for...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIyr5TXqe8Y

TY for sharing that!! It should be a sticky at the top of the forum!!
Ummm Michael?
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PitterPatter 02:19 PM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by blessedmess8:
So, I'm fairly new to this forum and I really appreciate the advice and understanding I've found here. However, I see a LOT of negativity. I'm not saying you shouldn't disagree with someone or try to make then see the other side of something. But, there seem to be some people that want to jump in on every post and say negative things or make people feel like they are "wrong." The majority of us are here for advice, ideas, and reassurance. Advice CAN be given in an encouraging way. Most of us don't need another criticism. We get enough of that! I keep seeing posts where people ask for advice and then get absolutely put through the ringer! What the heck?

Anyway! I just want every one of you on here to know that I sent up a special prayer for us all this am! We have a VERY important and demanding role. Happy Friday! Enjoy the long weekend! (If you are closing Mon.) I know I am!!! Woooo-Hoooo!
I posted this earlier but I don't see it maybe I closed the window before sumbitting? As I was saying... I try not to step on toes here because I have only been open 5 tears and usually I am the one asking for the advise. I have had a disagreement or 2 but I take every opinion into consideration because sometimes what I may find harsh now may be very helpful later. I do offer some advise when I have had a similar experience but again it's just my opinion. I don't get upset when others don't take my advise. Now I have seen some people be plain nasty here and usually it's a troll so I try to ignore and move on.

There are some regs here that I really value for opinions and take the advise often. For them I am gratful! I am also thankful for your prayer for all of us so I am sending that right back up for you in return. May God bless us all with a happy and safe holiday weekend!

*No offense meant to those who may not believe in God

May everyone have a great weekend!!
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MyAngels 02:20 PM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I found it... and I never find exactly what I am looking for...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIyr5TXqe8Y

Oh my gosh, I spit Diet Coke on my laptop at "curling one out in the teapot" .

Oops - I think I just broke at least two rules .

To the original topic: I don't really mind the "negative" types of posts that occasionally come up because it reminds me of how lucky I am to have the decent families that I have now in my daycare, and it also reminds me of how far I've come from the days when I didn't have such luck.
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Kaddidle Care 02:29 PM 09-02-2011
Yeh, I agree LOL!

That's one of my favorite 'puter videos.
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Luna 05:08 AM 09-03-2011
Originally Posted by PitterPatter:
I posted this earlier but I don't see it maybe I closed the window before sumbitting? As I was saying... I try not to step on toes here because I have only been open 5 tears and usually I am the one asking for the advise. I have had a disagreement or 2 but I take every opinion into consideration because sometimes what I may find harsh now may be very helpful later. I do offer some advise when I have had a similar experience but again it's just my opinion. I don't get upset when others don't take my advise. Now I have seen some people be plain nasty here and usually it's a troll so I try to ignore and move on.

There are some regs here that I really value for opinions and take the advise often. For them I am gratful! I am also thankful for your prayer for all of us so I am sending that right back up for you in return. May God bless us all with a happy and safe holiday weekend!

*No offense meant to those who may not believe in God

May everyone have a great weekend!!
Freudian slip?

Maybe I'm being a troll in this thread, as I have nothing helpful to contribute other than being a smartypants.
Have a good weekend everyone!
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nannyde 08:36 AM 09-03-2011
Originally Posted by blessedmess8:
So, I'm fairly new to this forum and I really appreciate the advice and understanding I've found here. However, I see a LOT of negativity. I'm not saying you shouldn't disagree with someone or try to make then see the other side of something. But, there seem to be some people that want to jump in on every post and say negative things or make people feel like they are "wrong." The majority of us are here for advice, ideas, and reassurance. Advice CAN be given in an encouraging way. Most of us don't need another criticism. We get enough of that! I keep seeing posts where people ask for advice and then get absolutely put through the ringer! What the heck?

Anyway! I just want every one of you on here to know that I sent up a special prayer for us all this am! We have a VERY important and demanding role. Happy Friday! Enjoy the long weekend! (If you are closing Mon.) I know I am!!! Woooo-Hoooo!
I've thought a lot about what you have said in this post. I even made a 4-1-1 call to Blackcat to get her read on this because I respect her very much and she seems to get what you are saying in a way I don't.

There have been a lot of threads lately like this one where the topic is negativity. There seems to be a number of posters and a lot of unregistereds who want us to post differently... to respond differently.

From where I sit... to be honest... I think there's a lot of value in just answering posts with some version of what parents believe and expect... "you know your baby best and you know what's best for your baby".

That kind of blanket response pretty much takes care of any post on here to describe good times... bad... questionable etc.

If we just do the "you know your client best and you know what's best for your client OR you know your business best and you know what's best for your business OR you know your dck's best and you knokw what's best for your dck's" we could save a ton of cyber space and make everyone happy every day.

It's MUCH harder to discuss the possibility that what you are doing is actually hurting your business... your relationship with parents... your wallet... your kids position relative to the business... your ability to care for multiple aged group kids from multiple families.

It takes WAY WAY WAY more time and thought to specifically point out what part of what the poster is saying and give an honest opinion, base that opinion on previous experience, and give examples of what you know.

When you add the element of: well I do want your opinions but I want it to be couched within the idea and specific words from you that I know my baby best and I know what's best for my baby or I will be offended... then you add ANOTHER layer of expectation on the responder. When you say that the responses you get that aren't "I know my baby best" are negative because they aren't upholding my foundational thinking that I DO know my baby best... then you basically are walling the responders in to "if you have nothing to say that's nice to me then say nothing at all".

That kind of thinking does not a message board make. It's also disheartening to people (like me) who invest a LOT of personal time for FREE trying to spread the notion that it can be done differently and that there ARE clients who behave badly and do a really bad job parenting. There are liars and cheats in the client world. There are freeloaders who are entitled.

There are also super great respectful day care parents who are awesome parents.

Now see how long it took me to write the second compared to the first? It's so much easier for me to just say that MOST parents are super dooper and you should be fine.

What really got me thinking about this was the post you put up about the email you sent to the parents of the ten month old. I put a LOT of time into responding to you and actually did a second lengthy post to discuss the process parents go through when their day care spot may or is being termed and I ended up deleting it.

The truth was that I didn't support your email to them at all. I can't tell you that I would ever put something like that in writing. I would not use those words and I wouldn't have put a single thing in there about how I "feel" about the kid. I think there is a five percent chance that your letter will work for you (meaning you end up keeping the kid... the crying is resolved with a reasonable amount of time... and the parents modify what they are doing in their home care and medical care to insure it stops/markedly diminishes and stops/markedly diminishes within the next month or so).

I think there's about a 95 percent chance that this is going to blow up and the parents are going to leave without notice and use your letter as their reasoning for why they must leave on their terms at their time without paying you or giving you the curteosy you gave them.

Now if I think that... how am I to respond to you? Am I to just do what I did in my first response to you? Do I say "you know your baby best and you know what's best for your baby" and not write a single word more in case it will upset you?

Or do I spend my time writing out my experience of the roadmap for parental behavior when they are told there is something wrong with their kids behavior and a NO to continuing the day care?

How am I to know what you really want to hear? If I know you just want to be reassured... I simply can't do that. I think what you wrote and how you have managed it is risky. I pray that the five percent chance that it will turn out is your five percent. Am I just to give you that five percent snuggles and affirmation or should I talk story to you and tell you what "I" know? If I tell you what I know are you going to perceive it as negative and feel shunned from the board?

No matter what... we can't win. The only thing that is acceptable is sunshine, roses, lollipops, and kittens inside of a bubble.

If that and "it's not what you say it's HOW you say it" is the only proper ettiqutte for discussing negative aspects of this business then I think there are few that will be able to manage giving that response every time in every post.

I know I don't have the energy for that.

There has to be a point where posters and lurkers realize that the advice or knowledge that's given here is given FREELY and a blessing to those who come this way. It's FREE ... it's someone elses time and energy for you for FREE. You can take it or leave it but saying that it must be done with limitations and done with buttermilk frosting over every word is asking too much AFAIC.

Take the FREE and use it as you wish. If you come only for support then SAY I just want support and the ones here who agree with you and have the time will give you support. If you want advice then be prepared for advice that answers your questions specifically AND responds specifically to your situation as you present it.

Offer to the negative ones what you want. Support them by telling them what you specifically want so they don't have to spend their time and energy on pointing out what you don't want to hear or don't like.
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blessedmess8 01:13 PM 09-03-2011
Uuug! Nannde, I'm sorry! I didn't even get through all that. I don't want roses and lollipops! I appreciated your advice and it made me think of things from another angle. The child was taken to the Dr the next day (a new Dr), taken off all dairy, new formula, stool samples are being collected, he took a 2 hour nap the next am and was a happier baby! You were rigt about me knowing my parents. You take a less emotionally involved stance with your families and I respect that! And I value what your experience brings tot he table. You give good, straight forward advice. However, in my post asking for reassurance in an action I was taking with a family - meaning possible terming of a child - I didnt really want a critique of what punctuation I used or the tone of my letter.(Although that's just a risk you take on a public forum!) I stand behind the way I approached a very delicate situation with a family I have a relationship with. Point: I am new to this forum and was new to the situation of having to term a child in a home daycare setting. But, as far as dealing with parents, this is not my first rodeo! And, while I respect your opinions and advice, you seem to have a bit of arrogance about your knowledge of child care and it "seems" just from reading a lot of your posts that you consider YOUR ways to be the only way it should be done! I'd caution you on having that kind of attitude! It might keep you from gaining valuable knowledge from other people on this forum who's strategies are different from yours, but still effective! Your suggestion about being careful about what I say b/c they couls come back on me about injuries really made me stop and think!! So, at any rate, keep that advice coming, because I know I still have lots to learn! I had read a LOT of super negative and a few pretty hateful posts Friday. I just wasn't feelin' it! Hipe you have a great weekend!
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blessedmess8 01:33 PM 09-03-2011
OK, I read it all! Just gotta say: the title of the thread you brought up was "Need some reassurance...." So, just so you know, I DID specify!

Am I being a troll now??? Oooops!

I was super emotional that day about the situation. Maybe that's why I wasn't taking criticism real well??
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nannyde 01:53 PM 09-03-2011
Originally Posted by blessedmess8:
Uuug! Nannde, I'm sorry! I didn't even get through all that. I don't want roses and lollipops! I appreciated your advice and it made me think of things from another angle. The child was taken to the Dr the next day (a new Dr), taken off all dairy, new formula, stool samples are being collected, he took a 2 hour nap the next am and was a happier baby! You were rigt about me knowing my parents. You take a less emotionally involved stance with your families and I respect that! And I value what your experience brings tot he table. You give good, straight forward advice. However, in my post asking for reassurance in an action I was taking with a family - meaning possible terming of a child - I didnt really want a critique of what punctuation I used or the tone of my letter.(Although that's just a risk you take on a public forum!) I stand behind the way I approached a very delicate situation with a family I have a relationship with. Point: I am new to this forum and was new to the situation of having to term a child in a home daycare setting. But, as far as dealing with parents, this is not my first rodeo! And, while I respect your opinions and advice, you seem to have a bit of arrogance about your knowledge of child care and it "seems" just from reading a lot of your posts that you consider YOUR ways to be the only way it should be done! I'd caution you on having that kind of attitude! It might keep you from gaining valuable knowledge from other people on this forum who's strategies are different from yours, but still effective! Your suggestion about being careful about what I say b/c they couls come back on me about injuries really made me stop and think!! So, at any rate, keep that advice coming, because I know I still have lots to learn! I had read a LOT of super negative and a few pretty hateful posts Friday. I just wasn't feelin' it! Hipe you have a great weekend!
Ughhh Blessed

As hard as I may try you dismiss with a proclamation that you won't even read it.

You do realize that your conveying that our board has so much negative on it IS negative? Do you understand that you have compounded the very problem in which you protest?

My suggestion about being careful about what I say b/c they could come back on you about injuries didn't come from me doing this for a year and six months. THAT comes from many years of experience!!!! Being able to read your words and project into the future something that could put you, your family, your business at risk is a skill that comes from a lot of hard work and experience.

You can't have it both ways. It doesn't work like that. You say you took the time to read many of my posts and then summarily dismiss my work here as a "know it all". That's insulting. Then you caution me to be the student as I may learn something. That's insulting too.

I come to these boards to learn. I've been on internet day care forums for thirteen years. If you would like to see proof of that search nannyde in Ivillage archives and you will see years of my participation.

I already GET that that is a primary function of this kind of "universal" communication. I USE that to add to my experience. I show you that I do that in how I write and what I write. You, with experience, should be able to see that.

I'm personally sick to death of the negative "you guys are so negative" from unregistereds and newbies who haven't spent hours upon hours creating this content and participating. This is as fine of a board as I have ever participated on and it gets old seeing it get beaten down over and over. With the Daycarewhisperer role I also get the special special of some a$$ whoopins targeted directly at me.

I'm a big girl and I can take that but I do NOT take kindly to this board being attacked.

It's getting really really old.

Do you want to participate or not? If you do.. then know you can't control how people are going to respond to your posts. We aren't obligated to respond in the way you see fit. Take the free we offer here and use the little that works for you and leave the rest.
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nannyde 02:04 PM 09-03-2011
Originally Posted by blessedmess8:
OK, I read it all! Just gotta say: the title of the thread you brought up was "Need some reassurance...." So, just so you know, I DID specify!

Am I being a troll now??? Oooops!

I was super emotional that day about the situation. Maybe that's why I wasn't taking criticism real well??
Right you did say that

Now tell me how are we to respond when we CAN'T reassure you?

Can we say "you know your baby best" and THEN add some proceed with caution or are we to just say nothing?

That's what I'm asking you. I'm asking you this with a pure heart. How are we supposed to respond to you if we think you are doing or have done something that is very against what we know from our experience? How are we to advise you once we think the "damage is done" and what could come next?
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blessedmess8 02:16 PM 09-03-2011
Wow! If you'll go back and read what I wrote, I told you that your advice DID make me stop and think, I appreciate your experience, and keep it comin! I can take it. I don't ALWAYS find your suggestions helpful, but some I do. Gotta' take the good with the bad, right? Sometimws we need a swift kick in the butt and sometimes we need to be lifted up ALL of us! Somehow, you've decided to take my complaint about negativity very personally, and I'm sure sorry! But, when on a public forum, everyone has their own opinions, right? I didn't direct this at YOu or this BOARD, but at people who seem to just be consistently negative all the time and present things in a less than respectful manner. Trolls I am now informed they are called. Sorry if you took any personal offense to it
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nannyde 02:18 PM 09-03-2011
Originally Posted by blessedmess8:
You take a less emotionally involved stance with your families and I respect that!
I don't take a less emotionally involved stance with my parents. I have kids in my day care who I have worked for the family for over seven years, five years, nearly five years, three years, two years, and 1.5 years. If you look at my website you can see I'm telling you the truth. Look at the photo section and you will see these kids from baby... thru toddler... to preschool... to school aged. Same kids year after year. That means same parents year after year. www.nanshouse.com

I know what having a realationship with the parents means. I get it. You have said this kid is ten months old and so that tells me that even if you had him from birth on that this relationship is VERY new. I get that too. I understand dealing with kids with behavioral and medical issues. I've been doing this a long time. I get it.

I also know when you communicate the way you did with them there are RISKS despite how "emotional" you are with them.. how connected you are to them. What I told you was the risks I know of from my experience.

How is that negative?
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nannyde 02:21 PM 09-03-2011
Originally Posted by blessedmess8:
Wow! If you'll go back and read what I wrote, I told you that your advice DID make me stop and think, I appreciate your experience, and keep it comin! I can take it. I don't ALWAYS find your suggestions helpful, but some I do. Gotta' take the good with the bad, right? Sometimws we need a swift kick in the butt and sometimes we need to be lifted upm ALL of us! Somehow, you've decided to take my complaint about negativity very personally, and I'm sure sorry! But, when on a public forum, everyone has their own opinions, right? I didn't direct this at YOu or this BOARD, but at people who seem to just be consistently negative all the time and present things in a less than respectful manner. Trolls I am now informed they are called. Sorry if you took any personal offense to it
I'm not taking offense to it. I'm trying to understand it.

I do appreciate your responding because I really really don't get it.

It doesn't matter if you were posting directly to me about the negativity or if that was for a group of us. It feels the same to me. All I see every day is a bunch of sharing women who are putting some fabulous content on the internet for generations to come. Sure it gets a little froggy now and then but that comes with it too.
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blessedmess8 02:27 PM 09-03-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I'm not taking offense to it. I'm trying to understand it.

I do appreciate your responding because I really really don't get it.

It doesn't matter if you were posting directly to me about the negativity or if that was for a group of us. It feels the same to me. All I see every day is a bunch of sharing women who are putting some fabulous content on the internet for generations to come. Sure it gets a little froggy now and then but that comes with it too.
OK. I can't make you understand why the constant negativity from some posters bothers me, but it does. But, I AM taking it with the good. I just happened to post about the fact that it bothered me b/c I thought that's what this was for! Voicing opinions, seeking opinions, etc.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
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Blackcat31 05:29 PM 09-03-2011
Originally Posted by blessedmess8:
OK. I can't make you understand why the constant negativity from some posters bothers me, but it does. But, I AM taking it with the good. I just happened to post about the fact that it bothered me b/c I thought that's what this was for! Voicing opinions, seeking opinions, etc.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Okay,~ let's do this from another angle. Let's use your post that you mentioned: When you posted that, WHAT was it you wanted? Was it simply reassurance that you were doing the right thing or just a simple "it's all gonna be fine."? If you only wanted reassurance then that is the only thing the responders should have said. A whole bunch of posts that said, "Everything is all good and will be just great. You did the right thing."

If that isn't what you wanted and others posted according to the way they felt about how they viewed your e-mail or way you were handling the situation, why is that so bad or "negative?" They weren't calling you a bad provider or saying you did anything wrong. People were simply giving their take on the whole thing. I wouldn't call that negativity at all.

When you post something on a public forum to a bunch of people who do EVERYTHING from advertising, to setting rates or wearing babies differently, you are going to get that many different responses/opinion too. I would think that as an adult we would just sort through the posts that were helpful and simply ignore the rest.

Just as posters say things differently, responders understand things differently and you made mention of so many negative posts those couple of days or Friday or whenever, but I don't really recall the atmosphere being any different than it normally is. You yourself said you were emotional so maybe it was all in how you took it and not really what was being said. You also said that there are a few posters that you feel are negative ALL the time. I personally, would just never respond to those ones. That seems to be the easiest way to avoid any negativity.

Not only should members not feed the trolls but don't join in the negativity game either. It goes both ways.

Nan and I talked at length about this and really in my opinion, I am somewhat confused about what some posters really want when they start a thread. Do they want help, attention, advice, new ideas, different views...my head spins sometimes because although members offer advice or tips or any of those things but the same members will keep starting threads about things that we have already discussed to death with them and if they aren't going to take advice, why ask? If that isn't what they were looking for then they should just be upfront in the beginning about why they are posting. Personally, I need clearer directions I guess.

Please don't think any of this is directed at you personally because I am NOT picking on you, but the convo just seems to be happening right now so I am just saying my two cents.

You also mentioned you think Nan comes across as arrogant sometimes or better than others. That is a perfect example of how we all take things differently because I have never once thought that about ANY of her posts.

I think alot of really good advice gets brushed to wayside or ignored because some people are too stubborn to either take the advice offered by people who have BTDT, or they weren't really looking for anything but attention or something else entirely in the first place.

The only solution I can offer up is for posters to simply state from the get go what it is they are looking for. Then the responders can reply appropriately.
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nannyde 06:03 PM 09-03-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Okay,~ let's do this from another angle. Let's use your post that you mentioned: When you posted that, WHAT was it you wanted? Was it simply reassurance that you were doing the right thing or just a simple "it's all gonna be fine."? If you only wanted reassurance then that is the only thing the responders should have said. A whole bunch of posts that said, "Everything is all good and will be just great. You did the right thing."

If that isn't what you wanted and others posted about the way they viewed your e-mail or way you were handling the situation, why is that so bad or "negative?" They weren't calling you a bad provider or saying you did anything wrong. People were simply giving their take on the whole thing. I wouldn't call that negativity at all.

When you post something on a public forum to a bunch of people who do EVERYTHING from advertising, to setting rates or wearing babies differently, you are going to get that many different responses/opinion too. I would think that as an adult we would just sort through the posts that were helpful and simply ignore the rest.

Just as posters say things differently, responders understand things differently and you made mention of so many negative posts those couple of days or Friday or whenever, but I don't really recall the atmosphere being any different than it normally is. You yourself said you were emotional so maybe it was all in how you took it and not really what was being said. You also said that there are a few posters that you feel are negative ALL the time. I personally, would just never respond to those ones. That seems to be the easiest way to avoid any negativity.

Not only should members not feed the trolls but don't join in the negativity game either. It goes both ways.

Nan and I talked at length about this and really in my opinion, I am somewhat confused about what some posters really want when they start a thread. Do they want help, attention, advice, new ideas, different views...my head spins sometimes because although members offer advice or tips or any of those things but the same members will keep starting threads about things that we have already discussed to death with them and if they aren't going to take advice, why ask? If that isn't what they were looking for then they should just be upfront in the beginning about why they are posting. Personally, I need clearer directions I guess.

Please don't think any of this is directed at you personally because I am NOT picking on you, but the convo just seems to be happening right now so I am just saying my two cents.

You also mentioned you think Nan comes across as arrogant sometimes or better than others. That is a perfect example of how we all take things differently because I have never once thought that about ANY of her posts.

I think alot of really good advice gets brushed to wayside or ignored because some people are too stubborn to either take the advice offered by people who have BTDT, or they weren't really looking for anything but attention or something else entirely in the first place.

The only solution I can offer up is for posters to simply state from the get go what it is they are looking for. Then the responders can reply appropriately.
Good post and thanks for the naptime chat.

One thing I might add is that this site is FREE. This site has a treasure trove of FREE information and advice on nearly every possible subject of daycare. When you post here.. most often.... someone comes along and replies and very often you get advice and SPECIFIC technique from providers in all stages of experience.

That's a BLESSING.

If you like a particular poster you can quickly go in and read their posts wall to wall. You can search their name with specific key words.

It's all done in a flash.. with a click of a mouse.

That's extremely cool.

We need to be thankful to Michael for providing this forum and grateful to have such access to each other.

Just sayin
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blessedmess8 07:37 PM 09-03-2011
I'm honestly not even sure how this got turned in to something about threads I have started or me, in general. I can keep saying the same things over and over, like: "I want running down this forum as a whole." Or "I was just making an observation" or "this wasn't directed at you." But, I've already said that. I guess as veteran members of this forum you'll just have to be patient with us "newbies" and endure our redundant posts and acclimation to the way this all works. I guess I'll go back and read the whole history of threads before I post anything else!!!!
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Blackcat31 09:21 PM 09-03-2011
Originally Posted by blessedmess8:

I'm honestly not even sure how this got turned in to something about threads I have started or me, in general.

This discussion was started by you. You are the OP.


"However, I see a LOT of negativity"

Where was anyone actually being negative. Stating a difference of opinion is not negativity. I am still confused as to how differing opinions are negative.


"But, there seem to be some people that want to jump in on every post and say negative things or make people feel like they are "wrong."

Same as previous answer plus, why is viewing things from another angle or offering 'what if' scenarios considered telling someone they are wrong? I define it as advice which the person asking for it can pick and choose freely which to take or discard from the multiple choices within each thread.

"The majority of us are here for advice, ideas, and reassurance"

Then thread starteds need to say "I need advice. I can take whatever you say and either decide to use it or not but I won't get my feelings hurt so bring it on." or "I need reassurance not other viewpoints or suggestions, just reassurance that I did the right thing. Even if you don't agree." Because the way I see it, I can't possibly sugarcoat every thing I have to say to my adult virtual friends when I am already doing it for my little dayfriends I watch all day.


"Most of us don't need another criticism"

As I said before not every differing viewpoint and suggestion or even disagreeance is a personal attack.

"I guess I'll go back and read the whole history of threads before I post anything else!!!!

FTR~ What I said about repeating subjects was in reference to newbies who keep asking the same questions themselves and then not ever listening

...NOT newbies posting on the same subject.

That is a given that newbies will ask questions older members have already talked about, but since they haven't been members long that is completely expected.

I meant, for example if Blackcat (lol!) keeps coming on the forum and asking how to handle a dcb who hits alot and she gets replies and advice but just keeps posting about the same kid or subject which tells me she isn't using any of the advice given just gettting a lot of attention.
These are quotes from you and responses (in bold) from me.

I say we agree to disagree that we all have different viewpoints, ideas, and ways of saying things. Which was my point in the first place.
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blessedmess8 09:36 PM 09-03-2011
I'm OUT on this one! Nannyde and BlackCat, you officially get the last word on whatever it is you are wanting to argue about! (I'm confused as to what the issue is at this point!) Ready... GO! ;b
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cheerfuldom 08:02 PM 09-05-2011
wow, ladies, this post was interesting to say the last. I do find that some posters post not really knowing what they want until after they get and then critique the responses given. You would think that forums would be pretty basic but the feelings, tone, intentions, etc. are all there just as they would be with other relationships and not everyone meshes with each other all the time. I do wonder about some posters (not necessarily the OP) that post with what seems like complaints but instead of finding somewhere they do like, they hang around and complain and post passive aggressive type comments and I can't figure out what they are even doing on the forum. Not just this forum either because I am on several and it comes up a lot.
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Tags:tgif, trolls, vent
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