How long is it safe to allow a 4 mo to cry? My sweet little nephew cries all the time. This is his fourth week in care. He is here 3 full days each week. There are a few days where he has played in the floor or the jumparoo happily for 20 or so minutes at a time a few times a day, but mostly he is fussy all day long. I feel terrible for him. Mom had never left him until he started care so he hasn't had a chance to adjust at all before now and she breastfeeds so he's had to learn to take a bottle. A lot of new stuff for him, but I really thought he'd be crying a lot less by now.

He is tired so much of the time. Mom says he takes 2 naps each day for about 3 hours each time when he's at home. Here he only sleeps about 30 minutes each nap and it takes about that long to get him settled. He gets so tired he just screams regardless of what I do. Even if I'm holding him, rocking, singing, leaving him alone, it doesn't matter. Once he's tired he screams. Today he actually slept for 1 hr 15 min, but woke up crying, refuses to take the bottle, and rubs his eyes like he never even slept all while continuing to scream. I just don't know what to do for the poor fellow.

I've read that its not safe to let a baby cry it out earlier than 6 mo, but at this point I don't know what else to do for him. If me holding him isn't stopping the crying anyway and its obviously keeping me from the other children, should I just make sure he's fed and dry and then lay him in his bed? How long should I allow him to lay there without patting/tending to him? Boy, this infant/toddler age group is throwing me for a loop.

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Does mom nurse him to sleep and then allow him to reattach if he wakes during those naps? Like sleep nursing where he canlatch on and off through the whole sleep period?

I'm sure others will disagree, but I don't think 4 months is too young and I have never believed crying to be dangerous to any age baby, as long as you are meeting their basic needs.

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There's a lot that could be going on so hopefully I'll be able to remember to cover everything ... and of course these re just my opinions and I'm sure others can advise you differently ...

Personally I don't think CIO is in any way beneficial to any baby under a year old. Crying is the way that babies tell you that they have a need. They can be hungry, in pain, uncomfortable cold, hot, gassy, lonely, sad, bored, overstimulated, under-stimulated, scared etc etc. One way that I see it is that if a baby is crying and is just left alone without any reassurances they can start to feel abandoned and hopeless ... they can start to learn that their needs will never be met no matter if they cry to alert the caregiver (parent or provider) of their needs so they give up hope and that's why they stop crying. There are studies out now that I won't go into great detail here that say that children from families that use the CIO method have more stress, tend to be more aggressive and tend to have more anxiety, insecurity and social issues than children who's families are more attentive to their needs as babies. Something about how extended periods of crying regularly can change the biology of the child's brain.

CIO meaning that there is no socialization with the baby while crying whatsoever for extended periods of time (longer than 15 minutes at a time). There is a method where you extend the time it takes you to respond to a crying baby and don't pick the baby up right away yet still talk and touch the baby soothingly to reassure the baby that you are still there which isn't considered CIO. As in when the baby cries wait a minute before you tend to the baby and interact with the baby and if the baby isn't comforted then you pick the baby up. The next time wait 2 minutes, the next time wait 3 minutes etc but never over 15 minutes. The younger the baby, the shorter the time you wait before picking him up.

In short, I wouldn't let the 4 month old CIO and I'd start with a waiting period of like 3 minutes before picking him up.

If this is his 4th week of care and he still hasn't adjusted there could be a couple of reasons.
If he is part-time or has short days it could take him longer to adjust
He could just have a difficult personality and have higher needs
He could be getting more attention and be picked up more often at home and doesn't understand why suddenly he isn't under your care
The environment could be way different than his home .. it could be louder, more cramped, lots more going on etc and he could be scared, unsure or overstimulated and is looking for comfort and security.

If he was breastfed exclusively before and now takes a bottle hopefully it's breastmilk instead of formula ... if he's given formula at daycare and breastmilk at home or exclusively formula now the change could be shocking to him or his stomach might not be tolerating it.

Is his napping routine significantly different now at daycare than at home? At home does mom hold him? Rock him? Is it quieter? Is the room darker/brighter? etc.

If he isn't adjusting yet and also not taking naps he's probably over-tired which is why he's inconsolable at times.

Can you/have you tried wearing him if possible before he gets to the point of being inconsolable?

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Just wanted to add to my previous post that if you not comfortable with letting him CIO or doing a graduated CIO schedule, I would do what Blackcat always says to do...put it back on the parent. I imagine they are not putting him down for naps or setting him him up for success at daycare. If that is the case, then when he is crying and won't nap, call mom for pick up. They need to get on board at home with following a similar napping schedule as you and since you cannot nurse him to sleep, co sleep, or hold him his entire nap, then they need to help you by mimicking what you do at daycare while he is home with them.

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He is still drinking breast milk, no formula. I'm sure it is louder here as I have 3 under the age of 2 plus my 4 yo. Part of the problem probably is b/c of the inconsistencies in schedule. Mom and dad work different schedules so he stays with dad half the week and me the other half. He was not on a schedule at all before starting childcare so there's not been a lot of routine for him.

I've actually tried wearing him which he likes, but I am 6 mo pregnant so I'm not able to do that for long stretches. He didn't sleep well at home until just the last couple weeks and sometimes has hour long crying sessions there as well so I think he may just be a higher needs baby. He is family and I absolutely love him to pieces. I am so thankful to have him in care. I just don't know how to make the transition more peaceful for him or for the other kids either one. Last week we had 2 really great days. It felt like he was falling into rhythm, but then we had a really rough day again. I do find that he's growing more comfortable with all of us. He smiles great big when he first sees me in the morning and laughs and plays with me throughout the day, but when he gets into a crying spell it often lasts a really long time. When he gets like that he is inconsolable and I really believe he is overly tired/stimulated, but I haven't found a way to replicate getting him to sleep before he is that tired. Bless his little heart.

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He does nurse to sleep, but I believe he stays asleep for long stretches after that without reattaching. I believe mom is honestly trying to get him into a routine that is repeatable at childcare. His sleep was so all over the place before starting that I think it is hard for her to get him on a schedule in general. I keep thinking maybe he needs a few minutes to himself to cry b/c he gets overstimulated, but he never settles himself back down. Of course I've never left him more than a few minutes b/c I don't want to stress his little body. There have been a few times though where I just have to potty or tend another child and I don't really have a choice except to lay him in a safe place and let him be until I'm done. Each time that's happened though he screams so hard I'm afraid he'll hyperventilate.

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I wonder if he is just in the period of purple crying.....

http://purplecrying.info/what-is-the...ple-crying.php

There is a video in the link above.

Seriously watch it. It REALLY does a fantastic job of explaining what this means and what you can and can't do to fix/help the situation.

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Thank you so much for sharing this! I'd never heard of the purple crying period before. Very interesting and seems like what might be going on. I couldn't get the video to load on my computer for some reason, but I'm going to use my husband's to watch it this evening.

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I had never heard of the term/phrase before either but once i started learning more about it, it made so much sense!

It was super helpful in knowing how to manage the period of time in which it occurs as well.

The video repeats the info but the speaker in the video does a good job elaborating on each stage and giving reassurance and tips for struggling parents and caregivers.

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I have pretty much the same situation here! Same age, 3 days a week at daycare, breast fed, cries for about the same amount of time, sleeps for about the same amount of time, etc. DCM had grandma watch baby before me and grandma held baby constantly. So I just had it in my head that baby just needs to learn how to self sooth, instead of being held, patted, or rocked to stay content. I've never heard of purple crying. Thanks for the link Blackcat!!

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Awesome info in this vid. We watched it during our AHT class. Really informative, never heard of it until my class. Makes so much sense.

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What? I never went through this with either of my kids yet it is a normal developmental milestone? Never heard of this.

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It was probably pretty normal for you ... most people just chalk it up to "teething", "gassy", "growth spurt" etc. It's so normal for me that I didn't even think of it either ... usually good sleepers also go through a sleep regression so this definitely accounts for sleep issues getting worse.

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