Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Help Me Fix This Problem I Started
logged out for privacy 12:49 PM 03-18-2013
Im new to home daycare and am always afraid of enforcing my own rules...especially when its something that should have been added to my handbook but I forgot so waiting for revision.. Anyways...you can say I lack a back bone, yup, completely non existant. Most of my parents are respectful of my space, the families, and of me...but there are times this isnt the case.
I have a parent who has 3 children of which I care for one full time and the others drop in. When mom comes to drop her son off she always makes this huge deal of "give me loves" "I've gotta go to work". And instead of acting on these huge deals...she stops and waits for them to upset her son...then will start to walk away...and then will walk back when her son runs for her. When she leaves he is literally fine immediately....but then she goes and knocks on windows and waves and peekaboos.
The whole thing is uncomfortable because of course I\I'm holding her kid and I'm then forced into a game of follow mom from window to window and pretend to love it for his sake. Today this scenario...just in the daycare alone lasted thirty minutes. For the first time ever I'm marking her bill from the moment she gets here, which I should have done to begin with. But I kept trying to take her child and get him involved with an activity (because to get mom to go I have a special activity set up every morning now as of a week ago so that he gets super involved and she doesnt get a reaction from him and leaves).
Well today she worked him up before coming and I kept saying "Its ok mom I'll sit with him" and she kept going "Oh he just doesnt want to leave me today" and she sits down with him and does activity and of course this gets him more worked up...then did the whole pretending to leave for effect and getting him more upset but then sitting down to do another activity and then arguing with me about one of my toys.
The whole thing was ridiculous. 3 drop offs took place while she was here...7 kids were not getting the attention they should have gotten because I kept stepping into it trying to get her childs attention so she would leave...I would give up and walk away as other children needed my attention. Anyways...I'm mad, this is my fault because I didnt stop it before, because I took her business after an interview that left me realizing her parenting style is much different, and allowing her to disrespect me.
An example of the disrespect...asking about other children with grimaces on her face "Oh they must be on subsidy" or saying to me during an extended drop off that "there are no good daycares"...popping in on days off as if she is trying to catch me doing something. Anyways...I need help. What can I say to this woman and how do (text,phone, or next drop off) ...that these drop offs cannot be going past the door and that goodbyes will be outside and done with. Please disregard typos...my phone and this site notoriously dont get along and I cant see or choose where im typing. Yikes
I have a parent who has 3 children of which I care for one full time and the others drop in. When mom comes to drop her son off she always makes this huge deal of "give me loves" "I've gotta go to work". And instead of acting on these huge deals...she stops and waits for them to upset her son...then will start to walk away...and then will walk back when her son runs for her. When she leaves he is literally fine immediately....but then she goes and knocks on windows and waves and peekaboos.
The whole thing is uncomfortable because of course I\I'm holding her kid and I'm then forced into a game of follow mom from window to window and pretend to love it for his sake. Today this scenario...just in the daycare alone lasted thirty minutes. For the first time ever I'm marking her bill from the moment she gets here, which I should have done to begin with. But I kept trying to take her child and get him involved with an activity (because to get mom to go I have a special activity set up every morning now as of a week ago so that he gets super involved and she doesnt get a reaction from him and leaves).
Well today she worked him up before coming and I kept saying "Its ok mom I'll sit with him" and she kept going "Oh he just doesnt want to leave me today" and she sits down with him and does activity and of course this gets him more worked up...then did the whole pretending to leave for effect and getting him more upset but then sitting down to do another activity and then arguing with me about one of my toys.
The whole thing was ridiculous. 3 drop offs took place while she was here...7 kids were not getting the attention they should have gotten because I kept stepping into it trying to get her childs attention so she would leave...I would give up and walk away as other children needed my attention. Anyways...I'm mad, this is my fault because I didnt stop it before, because I took her business after an interview that left me realizing her parenting style is much different, and allowing her to disrespect me.
An example of the disrespect...asking about other children with grimaces on her face "Oh they must be on subsidy" or saying to me during an extended drop off that "there are no good daycares"...popping in on days off as if she is trying to catch me doing something. Anyways...I need help. What can I say to this woman and how do (text,phone, or next drop off) ...that these drop offs cannot be going past the door and that goodbyes will be outside and done with. Please disregard typos...my phone and this site notoriously dont get along and I cant see or choose where im typing. Yikes
butterfly 01:03 PM 03-18-2013
Honestly, I'm creeped out by this lady! I'd term. Otherwise, you just have to man up and have a direct conversation with her that this can't go on any longer. It's disruptive to the whole bunch of kids.
bunnyslippers 02:53 PM 03-18-2013
You have to have a frank discussion with her and spell it out. If you don't, then you have to suck it up. She sounds like a woman who needs limits - so set them! Good luck, I hate stuff like this!
EntropyControlSpecialist 04:00 PM 03-18-2013
Honestly, it sounds like she's going to leave when you set hard boundaries for her. So, be prepared for that.
Would it be possible for you to IGNORE her and the child until she is actually going to leave and then go and grab baby and say, "Let's go play with ___!" and walk away completely ignoring her?
Would it be possible for you to IGNORE her and the child until she is actually going to leave and then go and grab baby and say, "Let's go play with ___!" and walk away completely ignoring her?
Angelsj 05:25 PM 03-18-2013
You could have a background check and fingerprint permission slip waiting for her.
"My regulations insist that anyone here more that a quick 3 min drop off or pick up must be background checked and fingerprinted (at their own expense of course,) please fill out and sign these by pick up tonite. Thanks"
That should get her thinking.
"My regulations insist that anyone here more that a quick 3 min drop off or pick up must be background checked and fingerprinted (at their own expense of course,) please fill out and sign these by pick up tonite. Thanks"
That should get her thinking.
HomeMADE 06:53 PM 03-18-2013
Angelsj the finger print approach is a whoot!!!
I would tell her that "since we are pretty far along in the relationship with X I think it is time to start transitioning drop offs similar to the guidelines I follow with the other parents". Leading her to believe that this is what you require of everyone.
This is important because you are working and you disrupts your ability to continue to provide outstanding care to all of the children. I am sure she would want the best care for her child too.
I would tell her that "since we are pretty far along in the relationship with X I think it is time to start transitioning drop offs similar to the guidelines I follow with the other parents". Leading her to believe that this is what you require of everyone.
This is important because you are working and you disrupts your ability to continue to provide outstanding care to all of the children. I am sure she would want the best care for her child too.
Starburst 08:04 PM 03-18-2013
Maybe look into adopting Nannyde's "Buh-bye outside" program.. or just term her.
julie 11:03 PM 03-18-2013
Why don't you just tell her there have been complaints from the other parents about disruptions in their children's care, and you need the drop offs to be short and sweet to make sure that all the kids get the proper amount of attention. As a parent, you know she'll understand this. She can do her "loves" outside and pass him through the door whenever she's ready. Unfortunately, there will be no extra time for "loves" through the window as we will be going on with our day. Honestly, what rational person would object to this? Do you really want an irrational person hanging around?
I know if I was a parent and another adult I didn't know was just hanging out with my kid in my daycare, I wouldn't be cool with it. ESPECIALLY if I knew that parent was making comments about the other kids in care, like about their FINANCIAL STATUS. That woman is a walking liability in so many ways. You could lose other clients if they are uncomfortable with her, or if they overheard the things she said.
If you want to keep her, that's what I'd do. If you don't want to keep her...Hallelujah! I think it would be easier to cut and run, but sometimes you have to pay the bills. The background check is a good idea too, but I wouldn't want to encourage her. She might get it done and then where will you be?
I know if I was a parent and another adult I didn't know was just hanging out with my kid in my daycare, I wouldn't be cool with it. ESPECIALLY if I knew that parent was making comments about the other kids in care, like about their FINANCIAL STATUS. That woman is a walking liability in so many ways. You could lose other clients if they are uncomfortable with her, or if they overheard the things she said.
If you want to keep her, that's what I'd do. If you don't want to keep her...Hallelujah! I think it would be easier to cut and run, but sometimes you have to pay the bills. The background check is a good idea too, but I wouldn't want to encourage her. She might get it done and then where will you be?
Angelsj 06:18 AM 03-19-2013
For the record, I was joking! I would not allow a parent to stay that long if it were causing problems, fingerprinting or not. And I am incredibly liberal with such things.
I have parents that hang out and chat for 10-15 mins every day, but it does not cause any problems. The couple of times it has caused an issue, I quickly explained to the parent (by phone after hours) exactly what the problem was and where we were headed if they kept up. It was fixed the next day.
"When you stretch out the goodbyes, you are upsetting your child, and making his day harder. Your child will need you to stay longer and longer, and I cannot allow that type of disruption to continue. It isn't fair to your child, or the other children I need to attend to.
I need you to say goodbye in 30 secs at the door and leave without further ado. As your child becomes used to this drop off, you can stay a minute or two as they settle in if you feel the need, but no longer. Thank you for making your child's day easier."
I have parents that hang out and chat for 10-15 mins every day, but it does not cause any problems. The couple of times it has caused an issue, I quickly explained to the parent (by phone after hours) exactly what the problem was and where we were headed if they kept up. It was fixed the next day.
"When you stretch out the goodbyes, you are upsetting your child, and making his day harder. Your child will need you to stay longer and longer, and I cannot allow that type of disruption to continue. It isn't fair to your child, or the other children I need to attend to.
I need you to say goodbye in 30 secs at the door and leave without further ado. As your child becomes used to this drop off, you can stay a minute or two as they settle in if you feel the need, but no longer. Thank you for making your child's day easier."
Willow 07:44 AM 03-19-2013
Via Email:
Dear Child's Mom,
I wanted to take a moment to address a couple of things that will hopefully help drop off's run a little more smoothly. I've noticed kiddo struggling lately and I'm sure that has to bother you as much as it bothers me! In the time I've been doing care I've noticed that the more extended the transition time, the harder it seems to be on the child. I really do think a quick smooch and wave could help him get an easier start to the day! If you are confident, that confidence will transfer. If however you keep coming back because you sense something is wrong, or you believe your child will be upset if you leave, then unfortunately they will pick up on that and it does cause a lot of anxiety. I know you have the best intentions, but I do hope you can trust me on this and be open to trying a new routine for little Johnny in the mornings!
It'll also help me get back to the rest of the group more quickly. I don't mean to be picky, but licensing has some pretty specific rules about quick transitions to preserve the safety and confidentiality of all children in care. Just as I'm sure you likely wouldn't feel comfortable with other parents being in my home and around your child without the proper background clearances, you can appreciate why this is so important. Licensing has been cracking down on this issue in particular lately and I don't want to end up cited for it!
If you have any questions feel free to shoot them my way, your cooperation is much appreciated!
Sincerely,
Provider
When in doubt - distribute sympathy, understanding and in the end blame licensing to take the heat off yourself when you have a parent that's that over the top
Dear Child's Mom,
I wanted to take a moment to address a couple of things that will hopefully help drop off's run a little more smoothly. I've noticed kiddo struggling lately and I'm sure that has to bother you as much as it bothers me! In the time I've been doing care I've noticed that the more extended the transition time, the harder it seems to be on the child. I really do think a quick smooch and wave could help him get an easier start to the day! If you are confident, that confidence will transfer. If however you keep coming back because you sense something is wrong, or you believe your child will be upset if you leave, then unfortunately they will pick up on that and it does cause a lot of anxiety. I know you have the best intentions, but I do hope you can trust me on this and be open to trying a new routine for little Johnny in the mornings!
It'll also help me get back to the rest of the group more quickly. I don't mean to be picky, but licensing has some pretty specific rules about quick transitions to preserve the safety and confidentiality of all children in care. Just as I'm sure you likely wouldn't feel comfortable with other parents being in my home and around your child without the proper background clearances, you can appreciate why this is so important. Licensing has been cracking down on this issue in particular lately and I don't want to end up cited for it!
If you have any questions feel free to shoot them my way, your cooperation is much appreciated!
Sincerely,
Provider
When in doubt - distribute sympathy, understanding and in the end blame licensing to take the heat off yourself when you have a parent that's that over the top
NeedaVaca 08:07 AM 03-19-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
Via Email:
Dear Child's Mom,
I wanted to take a moment to address a couple of things that will hopefully help drop off's run a little more smoothly. I've noticed kiddo struggling lately and I'm sure that has to bother you as much as it bothers me! In the time I've been doing care I've noticed that the more extended the transition time, the harder it seems to be on the child. I really do think a quick smooch and wave could help him get an easier start to the day! If you are confident, that confidence will transfer. If however you keep coming back because you sense something is wrong, or you believe your child will be upset if you leave, then unfortunately they will pick up on that and it does cause a lot of anxiety. I know you have the best intentions, but I do hope you can trust me on this and be open to trying a new routine for little Johnny in the mornings!
It'll also help me get back to the rest of the group more quickly. I don't mean to be picky, but licensing has some pretty specific rules about quick transitions to preserve the safety and confidentiality of all children in care. Just as I'm sure you likely wouldn't feel comfortable with other parents being in my home and around your child without the proper background clearances, you can appreciate why this is so important. Licensing has been cracking down on this issue in particular lately and I don't want to end up cited for it!
If you have any questions feel free to shoot them my way, your cooperation is much appreciated!
Sincerely,
Provider
When in doubt - distribute sympathy, understanding and in the end blame licensing to take the heat off yourself when you have a parent that's that over the top
Via Email:
Dear Child's Mom,
I wanted to take a moment to address a couple of things that will hopefully help drop off's run a little more smoothly. I've noticed kiddo struggling lately and I'm sure that has to bother you as much as it bothers me! In the time I've been doing care I've noticed that the more extended the transition time, the harder it seems to be on the child. I really do think a quick smooch and wave could help him get an easier start to the day! If you are confident, that confidence will transfer. If however you keep coming back because you sense something is wrong, or you believe your child will be upset if you leave, then unfortunately they will pick up on that and it does cause a lot of anxiety. I know you have the best intentions, but I do hope you can trust me on this and be open to trying a new routine for little Johnny in the mornings!
It'll also help me get back to the rest of the group more quickly. I don't mean to be picky, but licensing has some pretty specific rules about quick transitions to preserve the safety and confidentiality of all children in care. Just as I'm sure you likely wouldn't feel comfortable with other parents being in my home and around your child without the proper background clearances, you can appreciate why this is so important. Licensing has been cracking down on this issue in particular lately and I don't want to end up cited for it!
If you have any questions feel free to shoot them my way, your cooperation is much appreciated!
Sincerely,
Provider
When in doubt - distribute sympathy, understanding and in the end blame licensing to take the heat off yourself when you have a parent that's that over the top
Perfect!
Texasjeepgirl 10:51 AM 03-19-2013
to original POST:
I've had similar issues over the years... and it is ANNOYING
I have THIS in my PARENT HANDBOOK...
DROPPING OFF YOUR CHILD
If your child has difficulty with drop off time, please try to reassure them that you love them and will be picking them up later and then leave as quickly as possible . In my experience, the longer the parent stays, the longer the crying child 'performs' for them. If you leave, they no longer have you as an audience, and I can begin my job of reassuring them and getting them started on their day. By lingering, you make my job more difficult. If another person will be bringing your child, please be sure to discuss this with them.
I provide a daycare room that is comfortable, clean, and well stocked with a wide range of toys and activities. I strive to keep the toys clean and in good condition for safe, enjoyable play. Almost all children view the arrival of a parent as a 'free pass'. Even the best behaved children will begin to run wild upon the arrival of a parent. Please make every effort to prevent your child from 'running wild' when you drop off or pick up. Although I completely enjoy visiting, sharing important details about your child's day, or other issues, if your child's behavior becomes too disruptive, it may be easier to discuss things over the phone. Thank you for your cooperation.
The thing is.. IF you have this in your parent handbook.. that's great.. but..
after awhile.. your clients become comfortable...and... guess what.. they start staying longer and longer...
I have one client that has become a dear friend to me outside of daycare...
She is MOSTLY a great daycare client... and.. we manage to be friends outside of daycare with few issues...
BUT...
She is one of my worst parents on the 'one more kiss and hug' good bye...
So...
about 3 weeks ago I typed this up...
CHILD DROP OFF
If you are a daycare parent, grandparent, or otherwise authorized to arrive here to drop off a child…
If you know the entry code.. please enter it… come in.. store the child’s belongings in their basket.. sign them in on the sign in log.. If you are a WORKFORCE TEXOMA client..and need to log attendance for the day.. please do so..
Otherwise.. please say your goodbyes and leave as quickly as possible..
It is NOT YOUR JOB to make your child happy while you leave.. that is MY JOB… so please leave quickly so that I can do that…
Please DO NOT bring in outside food. Have them finish in the car.. or leave it in the car.
If your child brings a cup.. there are only two things that should be in this cup… WHITE MILK OR WATER..
No chocolate milk, tea, kool aid drinks or juice drinks ..
THANK YOU
PLEASE REMEMBER… anyone that enters this room is interrupting and disrupting our usual routine. Please be as brief as possible… so that we can get back to our day..
PICK UP
If you are a daycare parent, grandparent or otherwise authorized to be here to PICK UP a child…please come in… gather your child’s things… sign them out…and leave quickly and quietly…If you are a WORKFORCE TEXOMA client and must log attendance.. please do so quick so.
Please do not allow your child to open doors.. open gates… run around in the daycare room or in the courtyard area while you are signing them out and gathering their things…
Again… your presence is a disruption to the other children.. and to our routine so please understand that it is best for you to be as brief as possible..
Thank you so much…
.. I'd like to say... it was actually an issue with a GRANDPARENT that prompted me to print this.. but..
the outside food issue was directed at HER...
She lives about 25 minutes from me.. so she gives her 20 month old daughter...and her 4 year old son.. a frozen waffle to eat on the drive in..
the 4 year old boy 'inhales' his waffle... while the sweet tiny little girl just nibbles at it..
So every dang day.... she walks in with 1/2 a waffle..
WEARS ME OUT!!!!
Which is why I included the outside food on note...
GET THIS...
I print out 4 copies..
I tape it to the outside of the door.. the inside of the door.. AND to the outside and inside of another entry door...
AND.. I EMAILED IT to all parents...
The VERY NEXT MORNING..
she walks in.. the little girl has a 'piece' of waffle in her hand..
I SWEAR!!!!
and the mom says.. I know she had one piece of waffle.. BUT.. she already stuck it in her mouth and ate it..
I didn't say a word..
I SHOULD HAVE...
WHERE ON EARTH was my BACK BONE that day?
It's because I'm friends with her..!
The next day..
ANOTHER WAFFLE.. I am NOT KIDDING..
UNFORTUNATELY.. I was in another part of the room when they came in... and mom was out the door before I saw it..
I took it from the girl.. and threw it away...
That was a Thursday..
They were absent Friday..
They were absent Monday..
Tuesday morning... they come to the door.. I hear someone out there and open the door.. and I SWEAR TO YOU...there is the little girl with a waffle..
she instantly reaches up and hands it to me.. I turn to the mom...and hand it to her.. and say.. LEAVE THE WAFFLE IN THE CAR...
That was last week..
Yesterday..
She drops off the 4 year old boy..
says she is taking girl to Ear Nose and Throat appointment.. check up... got tubes a few weeks ago..
Is it ok to bring back after appointment..
SURE.. of course..
lunch time arrives.. and I've never heard from them about return trip..
11:45.. all kids had just left the table and moved to nap cots..
door opens.. little girl steps inside..
mom behind her..
and in her hand.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT..
a box of Chik fil A chicken nuggets..
Is she KIDDING ME???
I sat them on the counter..
hustled the little girl to the bathroom to wash hands as mom quietly shut the door...
she emailed me in awhile to apologize for not texting me on their way back in... and that's when I addressed it..
I emailed her back and said..
NO MORE OUTSIDE FOOD....
WAFFLES... chik fil a...or ANYTHING ELSE..
she replied.. I understand.. sorry..
WOW!!!!!!!
BUT...I still practically have to SHOVE her out the door in the mornings...
I love her...but I swear.. she is wearing me OUT
I know my post is long..
Mostly I just thought perhaps some of what I have in my handbook...and what I put in the other note.. might help you with how to word things.. if you speak to her directly.. or type up email/letter to her..
I've had similar issues over the years... and it is ANNOYING
I have THIS in my PARENT HANDBOOK...
DROPPING OFF YOUR CHILD
If your child has difficulty with drop off time, please try to reassure them that you love them and will be picking them up later and then leave as quickly as possible . In my experience, the longer the parent stays, the longer the crying child 'performs' for them. If you leave, they no longer have you as an audience, and I can begin my job of reassuring them and getting them started on their day. By lingering, you make my job more difficult. If another person will be bringing your child, please be sure to discuss this with them.
I provide a daycare room that is comfortable, clean, and well stocked with a wide range of toys and activities. I strive to keep the toys clean and in good condition for safe, enjoyable play. Almost all children view the arrival of a parent as a 'free pass'. Even the best behaved children will begin to run wild upon the arrival of a parent. Please make every effort to prevent your child from 'running wild' when you drop off or pick up. Although I completely enjoy visiting, sharing important details about your child's day, or other issues, if your child's behavior becomes too disruptive, it may be easier to discuss things over the phone. Thank you for your cooperation.
The thing is.. IF you have this in your parent handbook.. that's great.. but..
after awhile.. your clients become comfortable...and... guess what.. they start staying longer and longer...
I have one client that has become a dear friend to me outside of daycare...
She is MOSTLY a great daycare client... and.. we manage to be friends outside of daycare with few issues...
BUT...
She is one of my worst parents on the 'one more kiss and hug' good bye...
So...
about 3 weeks ago I typed this up...
CHILD DROP OFF
If you are a daycare parent, grandparent, or otherwise authorized to arrive here to drop off a child…
If you know the entry code.. please enter it… come in.. store the child’s belongings in their basket.. sign them in on the sign in log.. If you are a WORKFORCE TEXOMA client..and need to log attendance for the day.. please do so..
Otherwise.. please say your goodbyes and leave as quickly as possible..
It is NOT YOUR JOB to make your child happy while you leave.. that is MY JOB… so please leave quickly so that I can do that…
Please DO NOT bring in outside food. Have them finish in the car.. or leave it in the car.
If your child brings a cup.. there are only two things that should be in this cup… WHITE MILK OR WATER..
No chocolate milk, tea, kool aid drinks or juice drinks ..
THANK YOU
PLEASE REMEMBER… anyone that enters this room is interrupting and disrupting our usual routine. Please be as brief as possible… so that we can get back to our day..
PICK UP
If you are a daycare parent, grandparent or otherwise authorized to be here to PICK UP a child…please come in… gather your child’s things… sign them out…and leave quickly and quietly…If you are a WORKFORCE TEXOMA client and must log attendance.. please do so quick so.
Please do not allow your child to open doors.. open gates… run around in the daycare room or in the courtyard area while you are signing them out and gathering their things…
Again… your presence is a disruption to the other children.. and to our routine so please understand that it is best for you to be as brief as possible..
Thank you so much…
.. I'd like to say... it was actually an issue with a GRANDPARENT that prompted me to print this.. but..
the outside food issue was directed at HER...
She lives about 25 minutes from me.. so she gives her 20 month old daughter...and her 4 year old son.. a frozen waffle to eat on the drive in..
the 4 year old boy 'inhales' his waffle... while the sweet tiny little girl just nibbles at it..
So every dang day.... she walks in with 1/2 a waffle..
WEARS ME OUT!!!!
Which is why I included the outside food on note...
GET THIS...
I print out 4 copies..
I tape it to the outside of the door.. the inside of the door.. AND to the outside and inside of another entry door...
AND.. I EMAILED IT to all parents...
The VERY NEXT MORNING..
she walks in.. the little girl has a 'piece' of waffle in her hand..
I SWEAR!!!!
and the mom says.. I know she had one piece of waffle.. BUT.. she already stuck it in her mouth and ate it..
I didn't say a word..
I SHOULD HAVE...
WHERE ON EARTH was my BACK BONE that day?
It's because I'm friends with her..!
The next day..
ANOTHER WAFFLE.. I am NOT KIDDING..
UNFORTUNATELY.. I was in another part of the room when they came in... and mom was out the door before I saw it..
I took it from the girl.. and threw it away...
That was a Thursday..
They were absent Friday..
They were absent Monday..
Tuesday morning... they come to the door.. I hear someone out there and open the door.. and I SWEAR TO YOU...there is the little girl with a waffle..
she instantly reaches up and hands it to me.. I turn to the mom...and hand it to her.. and say.. LEAVE THE WAFFLE IN THE CAR...
That was last week..
Yesterday..
She drops off the 4 year old boy..
says she is taking girl to Ear Nose and Throat appointment.. check up... got tubes a few weeks ago..
Is it ok to bring back after appointment..
SURE.. of course..
lunch time arrives.. and I've never heard from them about return trip..
11:45.. all kids had just left the table and moved to nap cots..
door opens.. little girl steps inside..
mom behind her..
and in her hand.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT..
a box of Chik fil A chicken nuggets..
Is she KIDDING ME???
I sat them on the counter..
hustled the little girl to the bathroom to wash hands as mom quietly shut the door...
she emailed me in awhile to apologize for not texting me on their way back in... and that's when I addressed it..
I emailed her back and said..
NO MORE OUTSIDE FOOD....
WAFFLES... chik fil a...or ANYTHING ELSE..
she replied.. I understand.. sorry..
WOW!!!!!!!
BUT...I still practically have to SHOVE her out the door in the mornings...
I love her...but I swear.. she is wearing me OUT
I know my post is long..
Mostly I just thought perhaps some of what I have in my handbook...and what I put in the other note.. might help you with how to word things.. if you speak to her directly.. or type up email/letter to her..
Texasjeepgirl 10:53 AM 03-19-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
Via Email:
Dear Child's Mom,
I wanted to take a moment to address a couple of things that will hopefully help drop off's run a little more smoothly. I've noticed kiddo struggling lately and I'm sure that has to bother you as much as it bothers me! In the time I've been doing care I've noticed that the more extended the transition time, the harder it seems to be on the child. I really do think a quick smooch and wave could help him get an easier start to the day! If you are confident, that confidence will transfer. If however you keep coming back because you sense something is wrong, or you believe your child will be upset if you leave, then unfortunately they will pick up on that and it does cause a lot of anxiety. I know you have the best intentions, but I do hope you can trust me on this and be open to trying a new routine for little Johnny in the mornings!
It'll also help me get back to the rest of the group more quickly. I don't mean to be picky, but licensing has some pretty specific rules about quick transitions to preserve the safety and confidentiality of all children in care. Just as I'm sure you likely wouldn't feel comfortable with other parents being in my home and around your child without the proper background clearances, you can appreciate why this is so important. Licensing has been cracking down on this issue in particular lately and I don't want to end up cited for it!
If you have any questions feel free to shoot them my way, your cooperation is much appreciated!
Sincerely,
Provider
When in doubt - distribute sympathy, understanding and in the end blame licensing to take the heat off yourself when you have a parent that's that over the top
I was so busy typing up my 5 MILE response .. I missed this one.. Via Email:
Dear Child's Mom,
I wanted to take a moment to address a couple of things that will hopefully help drop off's run a little more smoothly. I've noticed kiddo struggling lately and I'm sure that has to bother you as much as it bothers me! In the time I've been doing care I've noticed that the more extended the transition time, the harder it seems to be on the child. I really do think a quick smooch and wave could help him get an easier start to the day! If you are confident, that confidence will transfer. If however you keep coming back because you sense something is wrong, or you believe your child will be upset if you leave, then unfortunately they will pick up on that and it does cause a lot of anxiety. I know you have the best intentions, but I do hope you can trust me on this and be open to trying a new routine for little Johnny in the mornings!
It'll also help me get back to the rest of the group more quickly. I don't mean to be picky, but licensing has some pretty specific rules about quick transitions to preserve the safety and confidentiality of all children in care. Just as I'm sure you likely wouldn't feel comfortable with other parents being in my home and around your child without the proper background clearances, you can appreciate why this is so important. Licensing has been cracking down on this issue in particular lately and I don't want to end up cited for it!
If you have any questions feel free to shoot them my way, your cooperation is much appreciated!
Sincerely,
Provider
When in doubt - distribute sympathy, understanding and in the end blame licensing to take the heat off yourself when you have a parent that's that over the top
EXCELLENT...
JLH 03:05 PM 03-19-2013
I like this wording and idea a lot but it should probably be done in person rather than through a letter, in my opinion. I'd write letters for everything if I could! I hate confrontation! lol Unfortunately though, a lot of things look bad if given out in writing. This is probably one of those times that it would be better in person. Good luck!
logged out for privacy 04:26 PM 03-26-2013
Ok. I talked to mom face to face last week...or at least i tried...she shut me up as soon as i said "i notice that dck is havin a tough time with transition to daycare"...she immediately stopped me by saying she also noticed and will have dad drop off from now on. Ok so she obviously shut me up and gave a solution to something that was obviously also bothering her...and dad drop offs are always quick and tearless so i took that as ok and i moved on... "im noticing some stress with you ad drop off...is there anything im doing that you are upset about or would like to talk about" she says "no...we love your daycare" and avoids eye contact and the conversation was basically done... So only one drop off has occurred since then. It was dcd and it was short and sweet but obviously dck is accustomed to thirty minutes of being upset and begging to leave with dcm...and so of course he cried. AS soon as dcd leaves he was done. Easy as pie...or so i thought. Mdcm sees me today at school and mention to me "dcd says he was really upset for him too...it must just be a phase"...so first of all...it seemed passive agressive to me...and there was a huge pause between the first part of the sentence that he cried...and it must just be a phase. And im sure she will now be goign back to her long drop offs by her. I dont know whether im over reacting or what...but i just feel she isnt comfortable with me...and i dont want thatvkind of relationship. Im so tired of the drama...none of my other parents act like this, none of them seem uncomfortable, i know im doing a good job. But its hard for me to bond with your child when your creating this stress every morning. Im at a loss. Im feeling very frustrated and very discouraged right now. I love all the kids, but some parents will literally make you want to close your doors and move on with life. Is this relationship past the point of no return? Do i need to just move on and say goodbye with this parent? Wwyd?
Willow 05:24 PM 03-26-2013
I say this with all the love in my heart lol......but I think you need to take a step back and try not take moms words so personally.
At least the way it's reading perhaps she is just very socially awkward? She sat down with you to discuss an issue that was concerning you, confirmed and agreed to a new plan and even told you they loved your daycare. I'm not sure what else you want from her?
Child struggled even with dad and she merely acknowledged that. I'm wondering what you wanted or expected her to say....nothing at all? I would not just assume she is going to start dropping off again unless she said or indicated that was what she intended to do.
Sounds like you may be reading into what you're assuming she is thinking or feeling and as women (assuming you are one lol) that can take things down an unnecessarily hairy road.
The words you're using indicate you're becoming frustrated and even a bit resentful because you're feeling like you've lost control and are subsequently backed against a wall. Try taking a deep breath in those moments and remember you're the one that has the control and last say. You're not being forced to do anything. Dad can drop off, have boy wave goodbye, turn and rejoin the group. If mom resumes picking up and you're uncomfortable with that plan address it again and require change. Have confidence that you know best, that the parents trust that you do and that's why they're going along with this, and that everything *will* work out!
You're going to run into a slew of parents who do all kinds of things that'll drive you up the wall and back down the other side. In the grand scheme of care pick ups and drop offs are one of the toughest but it does sound like these are reasonable people compared to most others. I'd challenge you to try to work through it as you're bound to encounter this again and with parents who aren't nearly as pleasant to deal with. Try to learn from this one to build up that skill set and backbone for the future if you can.
At least the way it's reading perhaps she is just very socially awkward? She sat down with you to discuss an issue that was concerning you, confirmed and agreed to a new plan and even told you they loved your daycare. I'm not sure what else you want from her?
Child struggled even with dad and she merely acknowledged that. I'm wondering what you wanted or expected her to say....nothing at all? I would not just assume she is going to start dropping off again unless she said or indicated that was what she intended to do.
Sounds like you may be reading into what you're assuming she is thinking or feeling and as women (assuming you are one lol) that can take things down an unnecessarily hairy road.
The words you're using indicate you're becoming frustrated and even a bit resentful because you're feeling like you've lost control and are subsequently backed against a wall. Try taking a deep breath in those moments and remember you're the one that has the control and last say. You're not being forced to do anything. Dad can drop off, have boy wave goodbye, turn and rejoin the group. If mom resumes picking up and you're uncomfortable with that plan address it again and require change. Have confidence that you know best, that the parents trust that you do and that's why they're going along with this, and that everything *will* work out!
You're going to run into a slew of parents who do all kinds of things that'll drive you up the wall and back down the other side. In the grand scheme of care pick ups and drop offs are one of the toughest but it does sound like these are reasonable people compared to most others. I'd challenge you to try to work through it as you're bound to encounter this again and with parents who aren't nearly as pleasant to deal with. Try to learn from this one to build up that skill set and backbone for the future if you can.
Unregistered 05:30 PM 03-26-2013
Thank you. I agree with you. Im letting the past six months of stress and akward encounters and comments get the best of me. I need to unwind, relax, and wait and see what happens. It could be social akwardness...im totally full of that myself. I need to stop stressing and deal with things as they come insteado letting resentment build up. People will never respect me if i dont request it...as well as letting stuff like this just go on before speaking up might only appear to be disrespect because im already upset. Thank you for your clear and unbiased response.
Willow 05:49 PM 03-26-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Thank you. I agree with you. Im letting the past six months of stress and akward encounters and comments get the best of me. I need to unwind, relax, and wait and see what happens. It could be social akwardness...im totally full of that myself. I need to stop stressing and deal with things as they come insteado letting resentment build up. People will never respect me if i dont request it...as well as letting stuff like this just go on before speaking up might only appear to be disrespect because im already upset. Thank you for your clear and unbiased response.
Thank you. I agree with you. Im letting the past six months of stress and akward encounters and comments get the best of me. I need to unwind, relax, and wait and see what happens. It could be social akwardness...im totally full of that myself. I need to stop stressing and deal with things as they come insteado letting resentment build up. People will never respect me if i dont request it...as well as letting stuff like this just go on before speaking up might only appear to be disrespect because im already upset. Thank you for your clear and unbiased response.
I get it because I was totally in that same boat when I first started. I am an intensely private and introverted person when it comes to other adults. I love little kids and critters but can take or leave most over the age of 6 or so lol. It was so hard to adjust to all the different (perceived) craziness that came through the front door.
I can't tell you the "what the what?? what is wrong with you??" ever goes away completely but it does get better when you make it a priority to keep yourself empowered in your mind and your actions. You have the last say and all the control. That's helped me become quite a bit more tolerant, when I remember that if ever things get to be too much I am always the one in charge and I do always have an out.
Don't get flustered, just take a minute to think it out and then require the change you need to get back to a better place.
I wish you luck
AmyKidsCo 08:07 PM 03-26-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
Via Email:
Dear Child's Mom,
I wanted to take a moment to address a couple of things that will hopefully help drop off's run a little more smoothly. I've noticed kiddo struggling lately and I'm sure that has to bother you as much as it bothers me! In the time I've been doing care I've noticed that the more extended the transition time, the harder it seems to be on the child. I really do think a quick smooch and wave could help him get an easier start to the day! If you are confident, that confidence will transfer. If however you keep coming back because you sense something is wrong, or you believe your child will be upset if you leave, then unfortunately they will pick up on that and it does cause a lot of anxiety. I know you have the best intentions, but I do hope you can trust me on this and be open to trying a new routine for little Johnny in the mornings!
It'll also help me get back to the rest of the group more quickly. I don't mean to be picky, but licensing has some pretty specific rules about quick transitions to preserve the safety and confidentiality of all children in care. Just as I'm sure you likely wouldn't feel comfortable with other parents being in my home and around your child without the proper background clearances, you can appreciate why this is so important. Licensing has been cracking down on this issue in particular lately and I don't want to end up cited for it!
If you have any questions feel free to shoot them my way, your cooperation is much appreciated!
Sincerely,
Provider
When in doubt - distribute sympathy, understanding and in the end blame licensing to take the heat off yourself when you have a parent that's that over the top
FANTASTIC letter!Via Email:
Dear Child's Mom,
I wanted to take a moment to address a couple of things that will hopefully help drop off's run a little more smoothly. I've noticed kiddo struggling lately and I'm sure that has to bother you as much as it bothers me! In the time I've been doing care I've noticed that the more extended the transition time, the harder it seems to be on the child. I really do think a quick smooch and wave could help him get an easier start to the day! If you are confident, that confidence will transfer. If however you keep coming back because you sense something is wrong, or you believe your child will be upset if you leave, then unfortunately they will pick up on that and it does cause a lot of anxiety. I know you have the best intentions, but I do hope you can trust me on this and be open to trying a new routine for little Johnny in the mornings!
It'll also help me get back to the rest of the group more quickly. I don't mean to be picky, but licensing has some pretty specific rules about quick transitions to preserve the safety and confidentiality of all children in care. Just as I'm sure you likely wouldn't feel comfortable with other parents being in my home and around your child without the proper background clearances, you can appreciate why this is so important. Licensing has been cracking down on this issue in particular lately and I don't want to end up cited for it!
If you have any questions feel free to shoot them my way, your cooperation is much appreciated!
Sincerely,
Provider
When in doubt - distribute sympathy, understanding and in the end blame licensing to take the heat off yourself when you have a parent that's that over the top
It sounds like this mom needs reassurance that her child misses her and isn't more attached to you than her... Unfortunately I don't have any more advice than what you've already gotten, except maybe make sure to tell mom that the child talked about her during the day, or something, so she knows he misses her??