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tenderhearts 07:30 PM 04-22-2018
All weekend I have been so stressed about one of my dc kids. She is one have have talked about recently that has a lot of fears, without going into a lot of detail she is 5 1/2 has been with me 3 1/2 years. Friday she came and cried hysterically at drop off would leave her mom's side, I asked if her mom if she was ok she said I think it's because she wasn't feeling well has has been gone for a week. Nothing has changed here at my home and her behaviors started about Nov? Anyways I just feel that it's too much on all involved and I want to terminate, how would I nicely say this I mean this is a family that has been here to as long time?
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MelissaP 05:28 AM 04-23-2018
Did Mom go on any trips in November when the behavior started? Sounds like some abandonment anxiety to me, but I am not a doctor.

What is she like after drop off and mom leaves?

Melissa
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Ac114 06:51 AM 04-23-2018
I have a DCB 2.5 who did this for months when his parents went on vacation for a week and he was left with the neighbor. It was full on meltdown every single morning for about 3 months. I was about to term and then he just stopped one day. It was the weirdest thing. I understand where you are coming from because it’s stressful to you and the group.
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tenderhearts 07:42 AM 04-23-2018
No her parents never left her, they NEVER leave her. She is an only child, she still sleeps with them and what she wants she gets. She never had issues here in the past, other than her fear of the wind that started a couple summer ago, her other "fears" didn't start until around November/December. She has accidents a fair amount for a 5 1/2 yr old. I talked with her parents back in February and her mom said they had noticed the same fears at home, crying if left alone in a room. She started crying because she doesn't like being left alone at quiet time (there are 2 others with her) but she was the only one up watching a movie at quiet time for about 6 months with no issues. During quiet time I don't stay out in the daycare room, I"m back and forth, I eat my lunch, take a rest, clean ect. but that has never changed. I'm literally in the next room, they can hear me and see me. Why this fear I have no idea, she just has increasingly seemed emotionally off, I don't know. They baby her constantly and she gets and does what she wants. Her dad comes and picks her up and she changes, she will start demanding and yelling I want to go and her dad will stop and drop the conversation and say, well the boss says it's time to go.
After drop off she is normally ok, until quiet time, or going outside, she'll usually sit in a corner and cry however I don't know if she just holds it in most of the time because I have a rule that if you whine and cry all day then that means you need a nap.
I just don't know what to do anymore, it just seems to be getting worse.
The only thing that changed here is daycare kids, I had the only other leave in Sept/Oct but her issues didn't start until after this and the other girls took naps and she didn't even play with them much anyways, she always plays with the boys (well when she does) great, she also tends and has always like playing by herself. I don't know I just feel this isn't helping her, or anyone else with the stress, now my other daycare kids will ask is **** going to cry today? It's evident she doesn't want to come here even though all day long she tells me she loves me, I don't know. She has a lot of insecurities.
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storybookending 07:51 AM 04-23-2018
I would just be honest with mom and say that you’ve tried long enough but dcgs bahavior/attitude towards being at your house hasn’t improved since the issues first started arising. It’s been 6 months now with no improvements, it’s time to move on in her best interest. Does she seem bored? I feel like by 5.5 she could benefit from being in school at least part of the time. Did they not do any 4K/K with her?
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Blackcat31 07:56 AM 04-23-2018
I would simply explain to mom that the behaviors are getting to be too much for you to manage while caring for others.

This info shouldn't be too much of a shock to mom if it's been getting worse over the last few months.

I usually try to word it so that the parent understands you are putting the child's needs first and when ONE child requires more time/attention than you are able to provide in group care, then your program is no longer meeting DCG's needs and shouldn't stay.

She needs a caregiver that is better able to meet her needs.

I know it's difficult to let a long time family go but at the same time, it's great that you are able to recognize that and do what's best for everyone involved. You included.
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tenderhearts 08:04 AM 04-23-2018
That's how I feel. She doesn't seem bored here, she actually plays very well and always doing something, she has never said she was bored and I have never had to tell her to find something to do. Her parents have never put her in a program of any kind, at this point I do not think she would do well so I don't know what they will do other than do what makes her feel comfortable and that would be her grandparents watch her who basically are just a duplicate if not worse of her parents, I think she will have a hard time going to kindergarten.
How would you word a letter of termination?
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Blackcat31 08:19 AM 04-23-2018
Originally Posted by tenderhearts:
That's how I feel. She doesn't seem bored here, she actually plays very well and always doing something, she has never said she was bored and I have never had to tell her to find something to do. Her parents have never put her in a program of any kind, at this point I do not think she would do well so I don't know what they will do other than do what makes her feel comfortable and that would be her grandparents watch her who basically are just a duplicate if not worse of her parents, I think she will have a hard time going to kindergarten.
How would you word a letter of termination?
I would say something like

"Dear DCP's

This letter is written notice of termination of our child care agreement. The last day I am able to provider care is xxxxx, 2018.

At this time I feel that I am just not able to meet Susie's needs and feel that being here is only causing her additional stress which in turn creates a chaotic environment for everyone.

Because I am a group care provider I am obligated to do what is best for everyone as a whole. I have enjoyed having Susie here over the last few years and although this is difficult, I feel it is best for everyone.

Thank you for your consideration!

Sincerely

Provider"


Normally, I think term letters should be short and sweet but I understand when it's long time family and the need to say a bit more.
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tenderhearts 08:40 AM 04-23-2018
Thank you. So this morning they were 45 min past their normal drop off which is unlike them, so I called mom to ask if everything was ok. She had been crying all morning about coming (I feel horrible because I don't have any idea why), I asked if she was ok she said well I think we are now, (she didn't say why she was crying but I know why because she asked immediately when she came in if a certain boy would be here whom for whatever reason is a "comfort" to her at quiet time I don't really understand it other than I think because when she developed this fear of being "alone" he was the only other one laying out here with her during that time so some how I think she has found some comfort in that even though they don't really play together.
Anyways they get here and she was crying but not hard and you could tell she had been crying a lot. She seems fine now but again she knows my rule of crying and whining that they take a nap because it shows me that they may be tired.
I hate doing this I really do but I just feel like it's not doing anyone any good and maybe if I terminate care they will see they need to figure out her emotional status before kindergarten.
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Blackcat31 08:44 AM 04-23-2018
Originally Posted by tenderhearts:
Thank you. So this morning they were 45 min past their normal drop off which is unlike them, so I called mom to ask if everything was ok. She had been crying all morning about coming (I feel horrible because I don't have any idea why), I asked if she was ok she said well I think we are now, (she didn't say why she was crying but I know why because she asked immediately when she came in if a certain boy would be here whom for whatever reason is a "comfort" to her at quiet time I don't really understand it other than I think because when she developed this fear of being "alone" he was the only other one laying out here with her during that time so some how I think she has found some comfort in that even though they don't really play together.
Anyways they get here and she was crying but not hard and you could tell she had been crying a lot. She seems fine now but again she knows my rule of crying and whining that they take a nap because it shows me that they may be tired.
I hate doing this I really do but I just feel like it's not doing anyone any good and maybe if I terminate care they will see they need to figure out her emotional status before kindergarten.
Sometimes the hardest decisions lead us to the best outcomes.

It's hard (letting a long time family go) but nothing good is ever really easy right?


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tenderhearts 08:54 AM 04-23-2018
I know I keep remembering that, what makes it hard is she is fine at the moment.
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