Daycare.com Forum
Unregistered 01:37 PM 08-07-2013
4 year old daycare boy has been with me for 3 years. He has started lying the last 3 months. At first it was not a big deal as all child lie, it's a normal part of development. But the last few weeks it has gotten a lot worse! I have talked to the mother and he is doing it at home. We have both talked to him and explained that lying is not good and we need to tell the truth, even if sometimes it might send you to time out. Anyone have any ideas on how to correct the lying?
sharlan 02:16 PM 08-07-2013
From my personal experience T E R M. I will no longer attempt to work with a child who outright lies.
I do not have any advice when it comes to turning around a liar.
I do not have any advice when it comes to turning around a liar.
Starburst 03:00 PM 08-07-2013
Anytime you catch him in a lie call him on it. Tell him "I know your not telling me the truth" and give him one last chance to tell the truth, if you think he is lying again over something major then possibly consider putting him in time out. It may also help to have him explain things a few times (about 3 times) going more into detail, if his story drastically changes then you know he was lying. When you tell him the thing about "even if you go in time out for it" show that you will be more lenient on him if he tells the truth (a minute less then normal) if he tells the truth than if he lies about it (in that case increase the time if you know he is lying). Get the point across that telling a lie is not worth it and will get you in more trouble than telling the truth.
Age-by-age guide to lying:
http://www.parents.com/kids/developm...c=nwpdbk050413
Maybe you can also read the book "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" and teach him when you lie or don't tell the truth all the time that eventually people won't believe you. If he was a older (like 7 or 8), I would say create a (controlled) scenario where he tells the truth about something important and no one believes him because he doesn't always tell the truth. But then again I always been the theatrical type.
For liability purposes I would write down all his lies (even the minor or rediculous ones) and put it in his file.
Age-by-age guide to lying:
http://www.parents.com/kids/developm...c=nwpdbk050413
Maybe you can also read the book "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" and teach him when you lie or don't tell the truth all the time that eventually people won't believe you. If he was a older (like 7 or 8), I would say create a (controlled) scenario where he tells the truth about something important and no one believes him because he doesn't always tell the truth. But then again I always been the theatrical type.
For liability purposes I would write down all his lies (even the minor or rediculous ones) and put it in his file.
JoseyJo 04:07 PM 08-07-2013
We have a new dgc4.5 who has started lying within the last week or so. Today she undressed all of the barbies and outright denied it and blamed it on another dcg so she wouldn't have to redress them (our rule is all barbies have clothes when they are put away). I was pretty sure it was her, but she was adamant that it wasn't. I ended up breaking the situation down to the group-
"We have a whole bunch of undressed barbies. Someone is lying. There were 3 girls playing barbies so one of those girls is not telling the truth. Right now we are going to do art, if I have to dress the barbies I we will not be able to do our really awesome cool art project. If the person who undressed the barbies tells the truth about it we can all do art together and that girl and I will dress the barbies after art, if not we will not do art, I will dress the barbies and I will put them up until we are all old enough to redress them when we are done."
DCG said "Hmmm, I think it was me, will you help me dress them after art?"
I told her I was SO happy she told the truth and that we could do art now and I would be happy to help her after. I told her a couple more times throughout art and clean up how proud I was of her for telling the truth and how that was MUCH better than lying.
BTW- I personally use the word lying instead of "telling a story" etc when they are purposely telling an untruth to avoid doing something/get out of trouble/get someone else into trouble. I think it is a loaded word that has a lot of power so I use it as such!
"We have a whole bunch of undressed barbies. Someone is lying. There were 3 girls playing barbies so one of those girls is not telling the truth. Right now we are going to do art, if I have to dress the barbies I we will not be able to do our really awesome cool art project. If the person who undressed the barbies tells the truth about it we can all do art together and that girl and I will dress the barbies after art, if not we will not do art, I will dress the barbies and I will put them up until we are all old enough to redress them when we are done."
DCG said "Hmmm, I think it was me, will you help me dress them after art?"
I told her I was SO happy she told the truth and that we could do art now and I would be happy to help her after. I told her a couple more times throughout art and clean up how proud I was of her for telling the truth and how that was MUCH better than lying.BTW- I personally use the word lying instead of "telling a story" etc when they are purposely telling an untruth to avoid doing something/get out of trouble/get someone else into trouble. I think it is a loaded word that has a lot of power so I use it as such!
EntropyControlSpecialist 04:16 PM 08-07-2013
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
We have a new dgc4.5 who has started lying within the last week or so. Today she undressed all of the barbies and outright denied it and blamed it on another dcg so she wouldn't have to redress them (our rule is all barbies have clothes when they are put away). I was pretty sure it was her, but she was adamant that it wasn't. I ended up breaking the situation down to the group-
"We have a whole bunch of undressed barbies. Someone is lying. There were 3 girls playing barbies so one of those girls is not telling the truth. Right now we are going to do art, if I have to dress the barbies I we will not be able to do our really awesome cool art project. If the person who undressed the barbies tells the truth about it we can all do art together and that girl and I will dress the barbies after art, if not we will not do art, I will dress the barbies and I will put them up until we are all old enough to redress them when we are done."
DCG said "Hmmm, I think it was me, will you help me dress them after art?" I told her I was SO happy she told the truth and that we could do art now and I would be happy to help her after. I told her a couple more times throughout art and clean up how proud I was of her for telling the truth and how that was MUCH better than lying.
BTW- I personally use the word lying instead of "telling a story" etc when they are purposely telling an untruth to avoid doing something/get out of trouble/get someone else into trouble. I think it is a loaded word that has a lot of power so I use it as such!
I also use the word lie.We have a new dgc4.5 who has started lying within the last week or so. Today she undressed all of the barbies and outright denied it and blamed it on another dcg so she wouldn't have to redress them (our rule is all barbies have clothes when they are put away). I was pretty sure it was her, but she was adamant that it wasn't. I ended up breaking the situation down to the group-
"We have a whole bunch of undressed barbies. Someone is lying. There were 3 girls playing barbies so one of those girls is not telling the truth. Right now we are going to do art, if I have to dress the barbies I we will not be able to do our really awesome cool art project. If the person who undressed the barbies tells the truth about it we can all do art together and that girl and I will dress the barbies after art, if not we will not do art, I will dress the barbies and I will put them up until we are all old enough to redress them when we are done."
DCG said "Hmmm, I think it was me, will you help me dress them after art?"
I told her I was SO happy she told the truth and that we could do art now and I would be happy to help her after. I told her a couple more times throughout art and clean up how proud I was of her for telling the truth and how that was MUCH better than lying.BTW- I personally use the word lying instead of "telling a story" etc when they are purposely telling an untruth to avoid doing something/get out of trouble/get someone else into trouble. I think it is a loaded word that has a lot of power so I use it as such!
I would ask if Mom has noticed that the child has begun lieing at home. By age 3 children figure out that we don't know everything and they can get away with lies. By the age of 4, there is a big increase in the amount of lies a child tells. I read about that in Brain Rules for Baby. I would DEFINITELY bring it up to Mom, though, as the child might tell a lie that has to do with you and the parent might take it seriously if they aren't aware.
EntropyControlSpecialist 04:17 PM 08-07-2013
Originally Posted by sharlan:
From my personal experience T E R M. I will no longer attempt to work with a child who outright lies.
I do not have any advice when it comes to turning around a liar.
Really? I have had two children here that were extreme liars and they were quickly "cured" of that fun habit. I take lying very seriously here, though. Some might be more lenient on 4-year-olds with it, but I am not.From my personal experience T E R M. I will no longer attempt to work with a child who outright lies.
I do not have any advice when it comes to turning around a liar.
allsmiles 07:42 AM 08-29-2013
I have a 3 year old that has been w/ us about 2 months now, seems to be a happy kid when she is here, plays well on her on, doesnt hardly ever get in trouble. She does have an imagination as she would tell me stories about her brother and sister who i later found out she didnt have either. Then she would tell us her mom said she didnt have to clean up, which i was sure was a lie.. but never thought anything of it UNTIL last night.
I get a call from mom saying that one of the teachers hit her.. Mom was not mad, she wanted to clarify the story because the child would never tell her why or what happened.. she said "because i went to the corner" ??
the mother said she won't tell her anything really, but she DID tell the GRANDMOTHER alot including "they dont like me there" and answered only crackers when asked what she ate today and the grandmother is upset.
I let the mom know DCG has never been hit, and was not sent to time out today or any time this week. She has had a time out maybe once since she was there. I explained to her "crackers" was the LAST thing she had because she stays till 630.. so we have a regular snack at 2:45 and then one at 530 for our late stayers, but she eats a well balanced meal for which i can provide a menu for her.. i told her that she is only one of 2 preschoolers, most of our kids are infants, so maybe she gets bored? but we play with her and give her attention..
the mom sounded like she understood, she said her child has a "wild imagination sometimes" and i agreed and told her about the siblings she made up.. convo ended well, but now i dont know how this granny feels about us, we all know how grandmothers wanna believe their kids. and this child came from a center which im sure many ppl tried to talk her out of coming to a home. i really dont know how i feel about this child saying those kind of things snd jeopardizing my reputation. if i should be worried about our future client/provider relationship with her saying who knows what?? Besides document is there anything else i should do?
I get a call from mom saying that one of the teachers hit her.. Mom was not mad, she wanted to clarify the story because the child would never tell her why or what happened.. she said "because i went to the corner" ??
the mother said she won't tell her anything really, but she DID tell the GRANDMOTHER alot including "they dont like me there" and answered only crackers when asked what she ate today and the grandmother is upset.
I let the mom know DCG has never been hit, and was not sent to time out today or any time this week. She has had a time out maybe once since she was there. I explained to her "crackers" was the LAST thing she had because she stays till 630.. so we have a regular snack at 2:45 and then one at 530 for our late stayers, but she eats a well balanced meal for which i can provide a menu for her.. i told her that she is only one of 2 preschoolers, most of our kids are infants, so maybe she gets bored? but we play with her and give her attention..
the mom sounded like she understood, she said her child has a "wild imagination sometimes" and i agreed and told her about the siblings she made up.. convo ended well, but now i dont know how this granny feels about us, we all know how grandmothers wanna believe their kids. and this child came from a center which im sure many ppl tried to talk her out of coming to a home. i really dont know how i feel about this child saying those kind of things snd jeopardizing my reputation. if i should be worried about our future client/provider relationship with her saying who knows what?? Besides document is there anything else i should do?
daycare 08:02 AM 08-29-2013
I had one of these and we were able to work it out.
My child is age 4, would say that mom pushed her off the top of a slide, says things like I went to Africa on Sunday with my Dad, etc etc.
When she would do it here and I would catch her, I would tell her is that the truth? She would look at me and I would wait for an answer, while making dead straight eye-contact. If she didn't answer, I would say that is not the truth.
She told her mom that she had to sleep here all day and I got down on my knees looked her in the eyes, while mom was right there and asked "is that the truth"?
This girl has a WILD imagination and I love that about her, but she just wanted to talk, say words and be heard. I realized that after talking with mom that the girl was not given many opportunities at home to be heard, so I make sure that she is heard every day. Sometimes my ears hate me for it, but it worked out and she does not do it any more.
My child is age 4, would say that mom pushed her off the top of a slide, says things like I went to Africa on Sunday with my Dad, etc etc.
When she would do it here and I would catch her, I would tell her is that the truth? She would look at me and I would wait for an answer, while making dead straight eye-contact. If she didn't answer, I would say that is not the truth.
She told her mom that she had to sleep here all day and I got down on my knees looked her in the eyes, while mom was right there and asked "is that the truth"?
This girl has a WILD imagination and I love that about her, but she just wanted to talk, say words and be heard. I realized that after talking with mom that the girl was not given many opportunities at home to be heard, so I make sure that she is heard every day. Sometimes my ears hate me for it, but it worked out and she does not do it any more.
allsmiles 08:53 AM 08-29-2013
i hope we can turn her around.. whats funny is that she is soooo quiet most of the time.. Like she wont even say good morning to us.. or bye to her mom.. we all try to engage her and its like pulling teeth, but every once and a while she gets a spurt and bwoy does she get going
Maria2013 10:33 AM 08-29-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
4 year old daycare boy has been with me for 3 years. He has started lying the last 3 months. At first it was not a big deal as all child lie, it's a normal part of development. But the last few weeks it has gotten a lot worse! I have talked to the mother and he is doing it at home. We have both talked to him and explained that lying is not good and we need to tell the truth, even if sometimes it might send you to time out. Anyone have any ideas on how to correct the lying?
lying is something I expect from kids that age at some point or another, even though not all kids do it it's part of growing up (some never quit lol) I usually make the parent aware that if the lies become severe (accusing other of harm) I will be forced to Term and that I do to prevent the kid from some day accusing me too4 year old daycare boy has been with me for 3 years. He has started lying the last 3 months. At first it was not a big deal as all child lie, it's a normal part of development. But the last few weeks it has gotten a lot worse! I have talked to the mother and he is doing it at home. We have both talked to him and explained that lying is not good and we need to tell the truth, even if sometimes it might send you to time out. Anyone have any ideas on how to correct the lying?
Moppetland 10:37 AM 08-29-2013
I think this is a decision you have to make on a case by case basis. Some children can be cured of the lying, but some can't.
I had a 3-year-child who lied all the time. She would lie on the other kids because she couldn't have her way.
This same child lied on me to her parents about me "beating her with a belt". Now that was straight out lying. I don't hit any children in here PERIOD. But she even named an object I supposedly hit her with.
Needless to say, her father believed her. I was considering terminating her then because these type of things can get you investigated for no reason.
If her parents are "beating her with a belt", then that's their secret. But if something was to come out, then I would probably be blamed for it.
This is what my family and friends warned me about when I first told them I was opening up this type of business. I didn't beat my own children with a belt.
But I don't have that family anymore because they moved to another town, thank God. I was beginning to resent the little girls after that.
I had a 3-year-child who lied all the time. She would lie on the other kids because she couldn't have her way.
This same child lied on me to her parents about me "beating her with a belt". Now that was straight out lying. I don't hit any children in here PERIOD. But she even named an object I supposedly hit her with.
Needless to say, her father believed her. I was considering terminating her then because these type of things can get you investigated for no reason.
If her parents are "beating her with a belt", then that's their secret. But if something was to come out, then I would probably be blamed for it.
This is what my family and friends warned me about when I first told them I was opening up this type of business. I didn't beat my own children with a belt.
But I don't have that family anymore because they moved to another town, thank God. I was beginning to resent the little girls after that.
Maria2013 10:51 AM 08-29-2013
Originally Posted by Moppetland:
I think this is a decision you have to make on a case by case basis. Some children can be cured of the lying, but some can't.
I think this is a decision you have to make on a case by case basis. Some children can be cured of the lying, but some can't.
daycare 01:23 PM 08-29-2013
Originally Posted by Maria2013:
very true and I think it would really depend on what they were lying about.If a child ever said I hurt them, which would be a lie, I would not mess around with that at all and that child would be out of here.
I was one of those kids that had a huge imagination. My parents pushed me to become a writer, as you can see I didn't....lol BUT I still do love to write and make up stories for all of the DCks and my own