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momneedscoffee 11:51 AM 07-02-2015
How do you get your kids to respect and listen to you? I feel like 90% of the time these kids (two 3 yr olds, one is my son) just ignore me when I ask them to do something. I try to offer choices and reason with them but have little success. Any advice?!
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Controlled Chaos 12:02 PM 07-02-2015
I don't reason with children. The choice I offer is: Listen/follow directions/make a good choice OR a logical consequence. New 3yo didn't help clean up when asked, so he didn't get to pick a book at story time. The children who helped and listened got to choose a story. I resorted to candy earlier today (which I hardly ever do). Only 1 dcg was sitting nicely and participating in circle time (which is my fault as I have slacked off on doing it since the weather has been nice) and I rewarded the one child a candy for sitting nicely and following directions. The others perked up and kept asking if they were sitting right and following directions now
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spedmommy4 12:31 PM 07-02-2015
For the most part, I use a combination of first/then and logical consequences. For example, if dck made a big mess he/she doesn't get to move on to the next activity unless mess is cleaned up. (FIRST you do the thing you don't want to do and THEN you get to do the thing you want to do)

For most other things, I use logical consequences.
*You dumped out your toys? Clean them up. (If they ignore, see above :-) )
* Spilled? Let's clean it up.
* Knocked down your friend's tower? I will sit here with you while you help him repair it.
And so on . . .

Little ones really just need to know that if you say something you are going to follow through. If there is any doubt, they will test you all day long.
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Blackcat31 04:38 PM 07-02-2015
Originally Posted by spedmommy4:
For the most part, I use a combination of first/then and logical consequences. For example, if dck made a big mess he/she doesn't get to move on to the next activity unless mess is cleaned up. (FIRST you do the thing you don't want to do and THEN you get to do the thing you want to do)

For most other things, I use logical consequences.
*You dumped out your toys? Clean them up. (If they ignore, see above :-) )
* Spilled? Let's clean it up.
* Knocked down your friend's tower? I will sit here with you while you help him repair it.
And so on . . .

Little ones really just need to know that if you say something you are going to follow through. If there is any doubt, they will test you all day long
.


It applies to daycare parents too...

I want to say this to providers every time someone vents about the 23rd chance they gave a parent that left them screwed over.....again..
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momneedscoffee 07:11 PM 07-02-2015
Thank you. I guess it is all about patience & consistency! My 3 y.o is VERY strong willed which doesn't help. I think he feels that it is his house, he gets to help run the show.
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Josiegirl 04:44 AM 07-03-2015
This is something I need to work on also, following through. You know how sometimes it's just easier to do it yourself? Or when you're busy in the middle of something else and ya just can't go sit beside lil Johnny to make sure he picks up every last block, etc.? Or you've asked lil Marybelle for 100 times to put her books away? And inside your head you're thinking 'screw it', I'll do it this time?
Yeh, well, I'm so guilty of all these. I need to take the time and make sure I back myself up or these dcks will continue to take major advantage of me.

Stop their world. Every single time. Make them do what you expect of them. Every single time. Then when they're done with helping pick up(or whatever) they get to move forward. Every single time. Otherwise they see that inch. It's exhausting and time-consuming.
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Blackcat31 07:45 AM 07-03-2015
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
This is something I need to work on also, following through. You know how sometimes it's just easier to do it yourself? Or when you're busy in the middle of something else and ya just can't go sit beside lil Johnny to make sure he picks up every last block, etc.? Or you've asked lil Marybelle for 100 times to put her books away? And inside your head you're thinking 'screw it', I'll do it this time?
Yeh, well, I'm so guilty of all these. I need to take the time and make sure I back myself up or these dcks will continue to take major advantage of me.

Stop their world. Every single time. Make them do what you expect of them. Every single time. Then when they're done with helping pick up(or whatever) they get to move forward. Every single time. Otherwise they see that inch. It's exhausting and time-consuming.
yes! Human nature dictates that people do NOT and will NOT change their behaviors until it becomes a problem for them.

If the books not getting put away only bothers you, lil Marybelle will NEVER pick them up. Why should she?
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spedmommy4 01:00 PM 07-03-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
yes! Human nature dictates that people do NOT and will NOT change their behaviors until it becomes a problem for them.

If the books not getting put away only bothers you, lil Marybelle will NEVER pick them up. Why should she?
Yes!! Now, if only I could get all my dc parents to realize this.
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Unregistered 03:55 PM 07-04-2015
Establishing a close relationship with each child
Physical touch like pats on the back, high fives, hugs, sitting on my lap, etc.
Firmly stopping poor behavior before it escalates-I don't let it get it out of hand-I quickly nip it in the bud
Lots of noticing and commenting on what they are doing right instead of only what they are doing wrong.
Setting up expectations and going over these routinely
Having consistent rules and boundaries and following through on consequences-kids know I mean business-I'm not wishy washy. They can count on me to be consistent
Being firm, fair and fun!
A Great routine
Los of interesting activities and toys...rotated when needed
A soothing environment...music playing softly during play time, I'm very available....sitting right in the main play area a lot of the time, not too many toys, a cozy corner, etc.

Children know the rules! I run a tight ship, but we have loads of fun too!
Lots of outside time

Yes, choices like you said. Two types of choices-set up choices-ie...do you want to put this shoe or this shoe on first, which cup do you want, etc. many times it's the super star of the day that gets to choose special things. Or I step into help them choose-you play with that toy appropriately or I put it away, it's your choice.
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momneedscoffee 04:10 PM 07-07-2015
Thank you, thank you! I realize I am a little wishy washy, I don't always follow through with the consequence! I also need to work on my patience... it's just so much easier to do it myself most of the time! Another question: what warrants a time out in your daycare? Besides time outs & taking toys away, what other disciplinary tactics have you found successful? I am loving the advice and ideas I have been getting!
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Play Care 06:04 AM 07-08-2015
Originally Posted by momneedscoffee:
Thank you, thank you! I realize I am a little wishy washy, I don't always follow through with the consequence! I also need to work on my patience... it's just so much easier to do it myself most of the time! Another question: what warrants a time out in your daycare? Besides time outs & taking toys away, what other disciplinary tactics have you found successful? I am loving the advice and ideas I have been getting!
The best thing I've found is to keep kids busy busy busy.

There are groups that I've had where we don't do "free play" because they can't handle it. It's provider led activity from start to finish - with lots of physical "get the wiggles out" play - long walks, active games (pinterest!) and always always always with eyes on supervision. So when I'm doing something where I can't watch them (using the bathroom, changing a diaper, etc) they are placed (yep, placed) in a set location with a specific activity.
It's tiring but I feel so much better at the end of the day.
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