I am so burnt out! The catch is it's not with the daycare parents it's not with the daycare kids or the paperwork or the cleaning. I LOVE my job! It's with my own child. I'm logged out I hate to admit I feel this way. My daughter is special needs and I'm having an extremely hard time coping with daily tasks. The violence and other aspects of her disorder is wearing me down. They say God will only give you what you can handle I don't believe that statement anymore. We have been to countless doctors and specialists. Nothing. I have thought about sending her to a nursing care home for children. That makes me feel like even more of a failure. I went to a phycologist today to get help for myself and she was so horrible. She said I can't help you you don't need antidepressants or anything else....I need to exercise and loose weight, stop drinking caffeine and get therapy. All true but I need help now. It could take me months or years to get down to an ideal weight.

I am sobbing as I write this. I guess I'm not really asking for advise just to vent cry and hopefully find someone on here going through something similar.

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Do you have any local resources for special needs kids? Parent support groups? keep asking for help until you find it. Dont give up. If you need some respite care by way of a special needs daycare or nursing care arrangement, why not explore your options instead of feeling like you have do everything? Don't forget, it doesn't have to be permanent. Maybe it is for a few months until you find something better or are able to better prepare yourself for her needs. No one goes into parenting just knowing what to do with special needs kids. Its okay to need help! and to ask for it until you get it!

Hugs. dont give up!

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I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm glad you are able to vent on here. May I suggest getting a new therapist. Caffeine and weight may add to your stress but your family issues are the real problem and you need to be able to talk them out with someone. You also may need some meds to take the edge off before you break down.
I have felt like my life is overwhelming and I tried to take it all on myself. Sometimes it takes finding that one right doctor that can help put a plan into action for you and your child. My daughter is special needs and I saw so many doctors that only gave me minimal help. Once I found the right one it made all the difference. He referred me to other great doctors, support groups and therapists.
Please look for a new therapist bc you need to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else.

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Beg, yell, scream, holler, demand, whatever works to get some extra help!!
Are there friends or family nearby? Please don't feel like a failure, for any reason. Being a parent is enough of a challenge but a child with special needs requires more.

Keep taking care of yourself, be kind and patient with yourself and look for help. If the psychologist you saw didn't offer you any help, go see someone else. Sometimes it takes seeing a few before you find someone you click with and who will really help.

Maybe start online for some support groups. It might give you enough of a boost and help you in many ways by offering suggestions.

Wishing you peace.

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I have tried different support groups online, I'm shocked how judgemental they are and just plain mean. I went asking for very general advice with no back story complaining or hurting. The majority of them were bullies and offensive. I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement! It really brought my spirit up! My state has very limited resources for special needs. They have a 48 hour hold, outpatient, inpatient 7-10 days or placement. The majority of resources we do not qualify for because we are above income guidelines. Which leaves us with little help. If I were to quit daycare, my husband reduce his hours at work, apply for SSI for my child then we would qualify for my help. I don't understand it! Why can't the middle income families receive the same resources and help! Even if we had to pay out if pocket I would! Most won't even meet us! I do agree that I need to see someone else. Our state has so little resources for mental illness. Even the adults. The main mental illness clinic, I was going to, in my area has to close down due to lack of professionals and money. No professionals want to come here since the pay is worse than 45-48 other states. We are at the bottom of the bowl. It took me 6 months to get into this woman. I apprise your understanding and kind words.

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The hospital my DD goes to for her special needs has a family help line. It's staff that have special needs children and they volunteer their time to answer any questions or give advise. It may be worth a shot calling and seeing if they know of any out of state help. I'm in NJ. PM me if you would like the information.

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That would be wonderful, I'm not ready to let myself be known yet. I'm sure the mods know, I may message you tomorrow or the next day. I still need some time, I took tomorrow off as a personal day.

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Actually no real need to PM. Look up Children's specialized hospital in nj. You can call the 888 number and ask for the family advocate number. There is also a huge amount of info on the website if you Google it.

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Your feelings are completely valid. Don't feel bad about them.

It sounds like there are two issues: your child and you seem upset about your weight.

The psychologist sounds awful. I have a degree in counseling, not quite like a psychologist, but no one should walk away from a psychologist and feel worse.

I can't give you advice on your child, other than contacting help lines as PP mentioned sounds like a great first step.

Weight is entirely different. After losing just a few pounds, you will feel much better about yourself, if you are unhappy now. You don't need to be a size 4 to feel comfortable and happy in your body. Once your weight starts shifting down, even a few pounds, you will get a new outlook.

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This. It's OKAY to need help. You are NOT a failure for needing help. Having a special needs child is a daily challenge. Your feelings are valid.

Do you have anyone that can help you and take over some of your daily duties with your dd? I know you look at signing up your dd for nursing care home as negative, but don't. Those centers are amazing and if it's something that can help you and your dd be happier.



I'm always here if you need anyone. I know you are not ready to post your username but maybe the mods can send you my email?

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I have no real advice, just want to be another voice for support and compassion, and to wish you and your daughter peace and happiness.

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I'm thinking of you. I know you must be feeling incredibly torn and guilty, but DON'T. If you don't take care of yourself, then your child will not get the care she needs from you. You really need to put yourself first for a while. It's not selfish, it's actually a major step in providing good, quality care for your daughter.

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I appreciate your kind words. I love how supportive this group is, after voicing my struggles on another group. I was a tad nervous someone would voice negative comments. Thanks

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Have you tried talking to your regular family doctor about what's going on with you? I talked to mine about how the stress in my life is greatly affecting the quality of my and my son's life and she prescribed me an SSRI. I am beginning to feel extreme depression and anxiety. Like yours, the stress in my life isn't going away any time soon and may never go away. She was very understanding and wanted me to feel better sooner rather than later... not to mention that the constant pressure stress causes on your physical health can lead to heart issues.

I'm so sorry you're going through this and that you haven't found a positive support system. Your therapist absolutely should not be leaving you feeling worse! Please find one that leaves you feeling hopeful, in the least.

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(((hugs)))

Do you belong to a church at all? If so or if you aren't but are open to it, sometimes church groups are amazing support systems.

Are there any resources in your area geared specifically for your needs? Support groups or outreach support?

Have you considered doing respite care and having someone else care for your DD so you can get a break?

Do you have friends or family in the area that would be willing to help you out?

I feel so badly that there is someone out there that needs and wants support and help but is having trouble being able to find the help needed.

I'm glad you are reaching out...that's the first step.

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I agree with talking to your PCP. They might have a referral to a better psychologist and might be able to prescribe anti-depressants.

My son is special needs and it is hard sometimes to cope with. We do not get SSI or any other help other than the therapies the public school system provides for him. I agree that the middle class gets screwed with these kinds of things.

I take a couple of different things to help with depression and mood. I was taking Lamictal for a mood disorder and Zoloft but really, Zoloft on its own does the trick. I also take a sublingual B-12 with methylfolate. That is more for energy.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I know its a struggle. I dont have any friends who have special needs children so I also know what it's like to not be able to talk to anyone who understands. I just keep pushing on and every once in a while I have a mini-breakdown and then I get back up and keep going.

Let us know how you're doing

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........
Talk to you primary care doctor first. They can refer you to a reputable therapist, and get you onto something while waiting to be seen.

Finding the right therapist is important. They are suppose to help lessen your troubles, not make them seem overwhelming. Do not accept the treatment of a therapist that sends you away feeling like this, keep looking for the right one, and don't be afraid to tell them what your telling us here. If you let them know your urgency for help, over the phone or in consultation, that can sometimes help move you up the wait list.

Finding the right therapist can also help you with more resources.
Don't know if this is available in your area, I used to do respite for abused adolescence, but more in the manner of a "big sister". That is cheaper than the overnight respite, and still can give you break.

Hang in there, the hardest step is reaching out for help, you've tackled it

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negative has its place. Sometimes it motivates us!

You need to give yourself permission to kick start yourself to a better place.

Having children does not negate our own lives. We all have one life to live. Why not do it to its fullest. If you have things you know you need to work on start there.....the rest will fall in place once you make the move to better yourself. OR be happy with the shell your in- make the choice to be a positive person and have a good outlook on life. I really like what Wednesday advised you- You can Private message me if you need motivation or a friend to talk with outside of the boards.

I also agree if you need rest pit, you need to voice yourself strong to get what you need and not back down. You are your childs biggest advocate, let your voice be heard and it may take several attempts to get what you need.

I suggest you start with you- hugs and I hope this finds you having a better day, better outlook on life and helps you even if only in a small way-
baby steps my dear, baby steps but take the first step and do you for a while.

I loved reading your love for your job, now its time for your hard work to pour into your personal life

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I agree with finding a therapist that you can connect with, but part of therapy sometimes is hearing the stuff we don't want to hear I don't think you should leave therapy with a warm and fuzzy feeling most of the time after therapy you feel drained because you got a bunch of junk out of your system that was built up and needed to be unloaded. Only you know how the fit is and if its not right its not right move on and find someone else that you feel more comfortable with.

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My nephew is now 18 but like a 4 yr old....very loving child BUT my bro and sisinlaw have had their sad/depressed times....there are times he will not sleep, is hard to get to understand what you want him to do, just plainly having a bad day....there are persons who like to criticize your lifestyle choices but, at the end of the day, you have to take care of YOU...My sisinlaw is primary and a wonderful caregiver because my brother works. My nephew can actually stay in the school system till he is 21 so, although graduating last year, he will remain in school 2 days a week...not only is this important for him, it is needed for my sisinlaw...she is wonderful but needs a break....are their any cdc classes your child could go to a couple days a week, even half days? My sisinlaw also got some contacts from the hospital to meet parents of kids that have the disease my nephew has...she emails with persons from Australia, plus she gets up early and walks 5-10 miles a day....she says this keeps her sane and from hurting anybody...Our extended family and church family have went above and beyond and still do! It is an ongoing struggle...My brother is also good to take her on trips quite often and pampers highly for bdays and anniversaries which means, you guessed it, I have the kids then.... The little 11 yr old nephew has what the older one has but he has had a bmt so we are hopeful his issues are on a milder scale.....it is all experimental....so far so good with him with the exception of learning disabilities...... I pray for you because I have seen every thing you described in the eyes of my bro and sisinlaw many times....these are just some suggestions I have seen that offer a little relief.

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