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  #1  
Old 07-24-2018, 07:27 AM
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Default Parents That Want Nothing to Do with Parenting

Hello All! Been taking care of kiddos for many years. In March I took on a new baby. A sweet easy going little girl. Her parents are the most interesting yet. They are older first time parents (mom 42, dad 43) Baby is here 5 full days a week. She stays until 4:45 daily when mom picks up because dad will be done working and drive right by anytime before and never picks her up. (They live down the street). I am talking hours early he gets home, I have been outside many times with kiddos and he just goes on by. She comes on their days off. Dad is on vacation this week and guess what? Baby is here. Every day. I know from talking to mom that they tried to conceive for years. They are blessed to have her in my opinion. But..... they seem to act like integrating baby into their lives is too much for them. It pisses me off. Why have a child if you don't want to spend time with it? What was their point? Just to see if they could or not? Anybody else have these parents?
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Old 07-24-2018, 07:43 AM
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I think we all do.

There is a societal concept of "getting their moneys worth" (and paying the least possible) and a current social acceptance of leaving kids in daycare 50 hours a week, or more. Even the parents who don't work and the ones who receive subsidy to cover the costs for them.

The QRIS advertising even makes new parents feel like their child will be behind if they don't .

When you add that to the newish idea that you can't be a "good" parent unless you have "plenty of me time", most parents really only do bedtime and occasional weekends anymore (over 50% in every other weekend custody and grandparent weekend care situations).

We really have to expect that kids will attend every minute we are open and adjust our schedules to that.
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Old 07-24-2018, 07:56 AM
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This is a interesting old thread on this topic. https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=37348

It is always fun to read how our views have changed over time as our life teaches us new things.
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Old 07-24-2018, 08:47 AM
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Todays society values women for working not raising children but there is also great pressure for women to have kids, so women are waiting longer and longer to have kids and then when they fulfill that goal they are already dedicated to their careers. Our society makes it very difficult for women to be good moms so they farm that job out to us. Some women step up and can do it all (like we do!) but most women get the message that its ok to have your kid at daycare all the time. Parents are not parenting anymore. Its tablet and tv time at home all the time, then drop off at daycare.

Yesterday at the mall I saw an obese 3-4 yr old sitting in a stroller glued to his tablet. You can tell that this kid is a huge nuisance to his parents and not being taught any social skills like how to behave in a mall.
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Old 07-24-2018, 10:05 AM
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Todays society values women for working not raising children but there is also great pressure for women to have kids, so women are waiting longer and longer to have kids and then when they fulfill that goal they are already dedicated to their careers. Our society makes it very difficult for women to be good moms so they farm that job out to us. Some women step up and can do it all (like we do!) but most women get the message that its ok to have your kid at daycare all the time. Parents are not parenting anymore. Its tablet and tv time at home all the time, then drop off at daycare.

Yesterday at the mall I saw an obese 3-4 yr old sitting in a stroller glued to his tablet. You can tell that this kid is a huge nuisance to his parents and not being taught any social skills like how to behave in a mall.
Man could I write a novel on this subject.
I agree with all that has been said so far.
I have children in my care that parents on average have not 1 but 2 days off every week. Their child is with me open to close every day. They never keep their child home.
Just last night I had an interview for school age children parents have back up but insist they need daycare that basically never closes even for snow days. Needless to say I do not feel they be a good fit.
Parents want to pay as little as possible, get best care as possible, leave their children for long as possible(open to close). They want someone else to raise them. I sometimes too wonder why so many people have children that they dont spend time with. When your kid is at daycare on his birthday and you are off that speaks volumes. I'm sad to see how children are growing up now a days. I'm with kids 24/7 and guess what I still take my kids everywhere on vacation etc... you think us childcare providers Be the ones needing a break!
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Old 07-24-2018, 10:24 AM
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I totally understand when a parent has a day off or gets out early once in awhile leaving the child here, but out of 9 families, I swear 5 of them never ever get a day off and I know that they do. The child is here every single day, all day. I have parents that consistently come in regular clothes and they either had the entire day off or got off at 2:00 and pick up at 5:15 and this is every time they come. Then the one dad that lives down the road that takes a 2 hour nap after work and comes after 5 to pick up. Our son was in daycare until almost 3 years old and yup, sometimes I had a day off and took him, but picked up before lunch or as soon as he got up from nap on rare occasions, but 95% of the time I just had him with me and loved it. Maybe I had a doctors appt, dentist appt etc and that's why I took him for a few hours.
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Old 07-24-2018, 10:25 AM
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I will never understand why child care providers (in general) are so judgmental towards clients that use their services.

Isn't that the point of having a business?
...clients that provide an income?
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Old 07-24-2018, 10:36 AM
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I will never understand why child care providers (in general) are so judgmental towards clients that use their services.

Isn't that the point of having a business?
...clients that provide an income?
It really isn't about me. I'm here 10 hours a day regardless. I feel bad for the children. I can most definitely see a huge difference in the kids that the parents do alot with them. Take them to the zoo, picnics, parks, beaches, etc and the parents that don't. Maybe some of the discipline problems that I have are because some kids are starving for their parents attention. That is what I have an issue with. It's not about me getting a break by someone picking up early or whatever. Like I said, I'm here anyway. When I have a child here 50 hours a week, it makes me feel bad when I know mom and dad are sitting at home or out doing something fun with an older sibling, but that's just me.

I wanted to add that one of my saddest moments is every Friday when the siblings are the last to leave at 5:15 and the other 4 kids have already gone home and I know that mom got out at 2:15/2:30. That makes me sad for them because they get excited when each car pulls in.
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Old 07-24-2018, 10:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I will never understand why child care providers (in general) are so judgmental towards clients that use their services.

Isn't that the point of having a business?
...clients that provide an income?
I think it is because we see the value in a good parent/child relationship and kids who miss their parents a great deal. At least this is where I am coming from. I provide childcare but I donít want to work 12 hour days and I donít think it is necessary in most cases, however the providers who provide care for 12 hours a day for minimum fees are my direct competition. Its sad. Kinda like getting your money from a gambling addict, sure its money but sometimes you feel bad for the person. They seem to value the money spent above their kids.

I donít think anyone is talking about a day here or there off without the kids and I think it is just a general assessment of parents today.
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:04 AM
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Me time...it is so important. But so is family time. I often find that parents who need a lot of me time, choose to be hands off parents and choosing to keep their children in care beyond what is needed are doing so because they are searching for something within themselves that they can't find. Low self esteem, laziness, depression, etc. IMO, it's all part of a greater issue.
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:05 AM
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I'm well aware of the topic or subject and my comments aren't directed at anyone in particular......although I knew the 'in my defense' posts would follow.

It's just a bit "funny" and somewhat hypocritical for child care providers to complain/vent about this.
Mostly because we do not know everyone's situation nor their journey's.

We "think" we do, but we really don't..... and as humans we apply our "rules" and our ideals to what we think is or isn't good parenting.

Statements such as "I see how it effects DCK" etc but again, we only know part of the story.

We know only what we see/hear and of course, assume.

I also "get" that sometimes providers are just venting.

Doesn't change the fact that I, personally feel providers are super judgmental about everything.

Clients use too much daycare....ie; bad parents, don't care about their kids, lazy etc...

Clients that don't want to pay full time or only use a partial week or want time off without being charged; don't understand how important consistency is, don't respect their provider or his/her attempt to operate a business....

It's a double edged sword and no matter how you look at it, parents just can't win. They're judged no matter what they do.

Take my opinion for what's it worth.....my opinion.
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
I think we all do.

There is a societal concept of "getting their moneys worth" (and paying the least possible) and a current social acceptance of leaving kids in daycare 50 hours a week, or more. Even the parents who don't work and the ones who receive subsidy to cover the costs for them.

The QRIS advertising even makes new parents feel like their child will be behind if they don't .

When you add that to the newish idea that you can't be a "good" parent unless you have "plenty of me time", most parents really only do bedtime and occasional weekends anymore (over 50% in every other weekend custody and grandparent weekend care situations).

We really have to expect that kids will attend every minute we are open and adjust our schedules to that.
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Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo View Post
It really isn't about me. I'm here 10 hours a day regardless. I feel bad for the children. I can most definitely see a huge difference in the kids that the parents do alot with them. Take them to the zoo, picnics, parks, beaches, etc and the parents that don't. Maybe some of the discipline problems that I have are because some kids are starving for their parents attention. That is what I have an issue with. It's not about me getting a break by someone picking up early or whatever. Like I said, I'm here anyway. When I have a child here 50 hours a week, it makes me feel bad when I know mom and dad are sitting at home or out doing something fun with an older sibling, but that's just me.

I wanted to add that one of my saddest moments is every Friday when the siblings are the last to leave at 5:15 and the other 4 kids have already gone home and I know that mom got out at 2:15/2:30. That makes me sad for them because they get excited when each car pulls in.
Yes, and about 75% of my parents are separated/divorced, so they see even less of each parent. When I break down the numbers for one child...

7:30-5 M-F, 7:30 bedtime. 1/2 hour commute home.

2 hours of awake time at night, including dinner/bath/bed, and she ALWAYS "gets to watch a show" if she is good. She is with Mom Tue/Thurs and every other weekend (and once a month or so visits grandparents so Mom can go out) so a TOTAL of 4 hours of actual awake time M-F with Mom.

4 HOURS!? I spend more time with her in one MORNING than she gets with her parent.

Mom does not work FT.

Priorities? What's socially acceptable? I'm not sure but man it makes my heart hurt for her.

Parenting. It's a verb.
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:23 AM
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I'm well aware of the topic or subject and my comments aren't directed at anyone in particular......although I knew the 'in my defense' posts would follow.

It's just a bit "funny" and somewhat hypocritical for child care providers to complain/vent about this.
Mostly because we do not know everyone's situation nor their journey's.

We "think" we do, but we really don't..... and as humans we apply our "rules" and our ideals to what we think is or isn't good parenting.

Statements such as "I see how it effects DCK" etc but again, we only know part of the story.

We know only what we see/hear and of course, assume.

I also "get" that sometimes providers are just venting.

Doesn't change the fact that I, personally feel providers are super judgmental about everything.

Clients use too much daycare....ie; bad parents, don't care about their kids, lazy etc...

Clients that don't want to pay full time or only use a partial week or want time off without being charged; don't understand how important consistency is, don't respect their provider or his/her attempt to operate a business....

It's a double edged sword and no matter how you look at it, parents just can't win. They're judged no matter what they do.

Take my opinion for what's it worth.....my opinion.
It is not just childcare providers-teachers can give you an earful also.

Parents that can never get there child to school on time

Parents that can't even get there children to school (big problem here)

Parents that don't ever contact the teacher, come to conferences, respond to letters, emails, etc. and they are the ones that need to.

The parents that usually inquire about their child, show up to conferences, try to find out if their child needs anything are the parents that really don't need to as there are no issues with their child.

And the list goes on and on and on

I'm sure pediatricians have earfuls also.

Any business will have some issues with their clients no matter what it is.

Wal-Mart has an entire FB page with stories on their customers.

If we had perfect parents there would be no reason for a forum I'm sure. Most of the post are questions, complaints or trying to figure something out. With state regulations coming down more on us, more QRIS regulations, and more and more and more, I can't imagine not having the forum. When we were just able to have our in home business with out so much extra worry, it was much easier to do.

So I guess we ask ourselves is there a need for the forum or should we just post positive stories with no questions, complaints, etc. If you look the venting sections have PAGES of vents so that should tell you we are needing a place to go.
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:26 AM
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It is not just childcare providers-teachers can give you an earful also.

Parents that can never get there child to school on time

Parents that can't even get there children to school (big problem here)

Parents that don't ever contact the teacher, come to conferences, respond to letters, emails, etc. and they are the ones that need to.

The parents that usually inquire about their child, show up to conferences, try to find out if their child needs anything are the parents that really don't need to as there are no issues with their child.

And the list goes on and on and on

I'm sure pediatricians have earfuls also.

Any business will have some issues with their clients no matter what it is.

Wal-Mart has an entire FB page with stories on their customers.

If we had perfect parents there would be no reason for a forum I'm sure. Most of the post are questions, complaints or trying to figure something out. With state regulations coming down more on us, more QRIS regulations, and more and more and more, I can't imagine not having the forum. When we were just able to have our in home business with out so much extra worry, it was much easier to do.

So I guess we ask ourselves is there a need for the forum or should we just post positive stories with no questions, complaints, etc. If you look the venting sections have PAGES of vents so that should tell you we are needing a place to go.
VENTING is THERAPY and keeps us all SANE!!!!!!
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:37 AM
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VENTING is THERAPY and keeps us all SANE!!!!!!
All of this!
I try not to judge anyone we all have it hard. We never know what someone is going through. With that said I cant help but feel bad for the kids that parents are steps away from neglect. They do just enough to keep the authorities off their door. I do not do open to close to encourage parents to spend time with their kids.
I have seen kids that come every day for a year while dad looks for work. He then brags about hunting or fishing etc.. I just dont understand why not 1 day in a year you keep your kid home to spend time with them. They are also at care from your drop off time to pick up and never pick up early either. I think they are missing out on some important time they will never get back. You will get plenty of me time when they grown and gone. Build those memories now or you never will.
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:39 AM
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All of this!
I try not to judge anyone we all have it hard. We never know what someone is going through. With that said I cant help but feel bad for the kids that parents are steps away from neglect. They do just enough to keep the authorities off their door. I do not do open to close to encourage parents to spend time with their kids.
I have seen kids that come every day for a year while dad looks for work. He then brags about hunting or fishing etc.. I just dont understand why not 1 day in a year you keep your kid home to spend time with them. They are also at care from your drop off time to pick up and never pick up early either. I think they are missing out on some important time they will never get back. You will get plenty of me time when they grown and gone. Build those memories now or you never will.
At the end of the day, parents see their side-providers see their's.....and we all go to bed to rise again and repeat as always!
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:40 AM
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All of this!
I try not to judge anyone we all have it hard. We never know what someone is going through. With that said I cant help but feel bad for the kids that parents are steps away from neglect. They do just enough to keep the authorities off their door. I do not do open to close to encourage parents to spend time with their kids.
I have seen kids that come every day for a year while dad looks for work. He then brags about hunting or fishing etc.. I just dont understand why not 1 day in a year you keep your kid home to spend time with them. They are also at care from your drop off time to pick up and never pick up early either. I think they are missing out on some important time they will never get back. You will get plenty of me time when they grown and gone. Build those memories now or you never will.
That's 100% different than a parent that sends their child to care everyday when the provider thinks the parent should be spending time with their child instead of being at the gym.

BIG difference between neglectful parents and those that choose to utilize their time with or without their child in a way that isn't conducive to what the provider thinks they should/shouldn't be doing.
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:43 AM
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At the end of the day, parents see their side-providers see their's.....and we all go to bed to rise again and repeat as always!
Yes and parents will always think theirs is harder and we think we have it harder. Such a vicious circle. I'll just say as a parent and provider daycare is harder for me. My days off I love. I get to spend some one on one time with my kiddos.i get maybe one weekend a year where my kids visit their grand parents.
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:45 AM
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So I guess we ask ourselves is there a need for the forum or should we just post positive stories with no questions, complaints, etc. If you look the venting sections have PAGES of vents so that should tell you we are needing a place to go.
Who said people can't vent?

Venting is different than judging.
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:46 AM
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That's 100% different than a parent that sends their child to care everyday when the provider thinks the parent should be spending time with their child instead of being at the gym.

BIG difference between neglectful parents and those that choose to utilize their time with or without their child in a way that isn't conducive to what the provider thinks they should/shouldn't be doing.
Yes and you can always tell which parents that pertains to.
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:56 AM
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I'm well aware of the topic or subject and my comments aren't directed at anyone in particular......although I knew the 'in my defense' posts would follow.

It's just a bit "funny" and somewhat hypocritical for child care providers to complain/vent about this.
Mostly because we do not know everyone's situation nor their journey's.

We "think" we do, but we really don't..... and as humans we apply our "rules" and our ideals to what we think is or isn't good parenting.

Statements such as "I see how it effects DCK" etc but again, we only know part of the story.

We know only what we see/hear and of course, assume.

I also "get" that sometimes providers are just venting.

Doesn't change the fact that I, personally feel providers are super judgmental about everything.

Clients use too much daycare....ie; bad parents, don't care about their kids, lazy etc...

Clients that don't want to pay full time or only use a partial week or want time off without being charged; don't understand how important consistency is, don't respect their provider or his/her attempt to operate a business....

It's a double edged sword and no matter how you look at it, parents just can't win. They're judged no matter what they do.

Take my opinion for what's it worth.....my opinion.
I don't think any of it is unique to daycare. My BIL is a mechanic and definitely judges his clients for the wear and tear on their vehicles. He tries to educate first, but when they ignore, make excuses or are just plain lazy, he doesn't feel bad for the big bill they end up getting to pay. He does feel bad for those who are trying and just can't quite afford it. He usually does it for free, but he loves to work on cars, lawnmowers, ect, so he has a passion for it. I think that matters.

I serve tables at night in a nice steakhouse and I do judge some people based on their dinner etiquette. We have had toddlers running through the restaurant, children who have barfed and the parents left it, stolen property, drunk people doing all sorts of stuff, ect. And we also have parents who have their children order and use their manners. Guests who will pay for another person's meal for no reason. Guests who come back just to see you because they love the service and just want a nice hot meal. And I take money from all of them! The dentist takes the money from the guy who never cares for his teeth, just as much from the guy who takes immaculate care for their teeth.

Translate that to daycare, and we try to educate and make parents aware of the future repercussion of their lack of action, but in many cases it is futile, because it is not a NOW problem. They will deal with it later on because they have too many other problems to deal with right now. Unfortunately, when it comes to kids, going backwards is rarely possible. My mom always taught me that the first few years are the most important , so it is always hard for me to understand parents who try to skip those years and fast forward to the older kid who they can be "friends" with. I imagine doctors must feel the same too. They try to warn about future repercussions of lack of medical attention and are ignored. I think many providers just feel ignored. Ignored by parents, ignored by the state licensing, ignored by society. The need to vent is almost visceral. Most businesses need a lot of money to open and get set up. You can literally start daycare in less than 24 hours in many states. I think that many providers have no idea what they are getting into.

I totally see where you are coming from and, imo, it is complicated and hypocritical on ALL sides. Whether the state, the parent, the provider...the best interest of the child is usually last on the list. I am just tired of the provider having to take the blame for it and being the only one expected to make changes to benefit the child. Look at the hot car debate. State is very hesitant to press charges and set an example, parent is martyred for their tragic loss, daycare is questioned as to why they never called to inform the parent they have their own child.

I don't know, but times are changing when it comes to parenting and daycare and I don't think it is for the better.
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:57 AM
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I have a parent of a 3 yr old boy. Mom is first one here to drop off. Last one to pick up. Mom only works part time. Child spends alot of time with step-grandparent in what many would call an unsafe environment. Eats nothing but fast food and junk. He is always tired and never on a schedule. He can get aggressive and has spent a large amount of his time with me in time out. The other kids seem to have a love hate relationship with him. Mostly because his temperament is so unpredictable. This boy has a father and although he does spend time with him, it's usually doing things like fishing until 2am or playing video games with friends online until the wee hours of the morning. When mom comes to pick up, she's usually in a hurry and is sort of detached from her son. He tries to tell her things he did during the day but she usually just tells him to stop talking and get his shoes on so they can go. She says "hurry up" to him alot. When she drops off, she is almost always on her phone and just walks DCB inside, signs him in and leaves without saying much more than a quick bye. DCB attends 5 days a week from open to close. The remaining time away from care is usually spent on the go or with random friends or family members.
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Old 07-24-2018, 12:09 PM
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From another viewpoint, providers can fix some of these pet peeves we have. Case in point, one reason I started closing with the school closings is because I seemed to always have that few kids that had siblings at home with their parents on these days....so now I enjoy these days with my own kids and get the day off. The older I get the more I try to allow time for me and my family. I can't control other families but can control my own. There will never be a cut/dry way that will be agreed upon by all but providers can only do what works for them as can the parents. I don't feel parents are intentionally bad, they just don't view it like providers do.??
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Old 07-24-2018, 12:19 PM
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Who said people can't vent?

Venting is different than judging.
You ok Black cat? You seem triggered by this topic. Anyways explain how venting is different from judging.
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  #25  
Old 07-24-2018, 12:21 PM
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U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics : For release 10:00 a.m. (EDT) Thursday, June 28, 2018

"Care of Household Children for the period 2013-17
• Adults living in households with children under age 6 spent an average of 2.1 hours per day
providing primary childcare to household children. Adults living in households where the
youngest child was between the ages of 6 and 17 spent less than half as much time providing
primary childcare to household children—50 minutes per day. Primary childcare is childcare
that is done as a main activity, such as providing physical care or reading to children. (See
table 9.)
• On an average day, among adults living in households with children under age 6, women spent
1.1 hours providing physical care (such as bathing or feeding a child) to household children; by
contrast, men spent 26 minutes providing physical care. (See table 9.)
• Adults living in households with at least one child under age 6 spent an average of 5.4 hours per
day providing secondary childcare—that is, they had at least one child in their care while doing
activities other than primary childcare. Secondary childcare provided by adults living in
households with children under age 6 was most commonly provided while doing leisure
activities (2.0 hours) or household activities (1.4 hours). (See table 10.)
• Adults living in households with children under age 6 spent more time providing primary
childcare on an average weekday (2.2 hours) than on an average weekend day (2.0 hours).
However, they spent less time providing secondary childcare on weekdays than on weekend
days—4.5 hours, compared with 7.5 hours. (See tables 9 and 10.) " - https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/atus.pdf
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Old 07-24-2018, 12:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Annalee View Post
From another viewpoint, providers can fix some of these pet peeves we have. Case in point, one reason I started closing with the school closings is because I seemed to always have that few kids that had siblings at home with their parents on these days....so now I enjoy these days with my own kids and get the day off. The older I get the more I try to allow time for me and my family. I can't control other families but can control my own. There will never be a cut/dry way that will be agreed upon by all but providers can only do what works for them as can the parents. I don't feel parents are intentionally bad, they just don't view it like providers do.??
THIS!

This is exactly my point when I "vent" about providers complaining about how parents parent.

You can't control others but you CAN control what you choose to be a part of and what you don't.

That really is the solution.
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Old 07-24-2018, 12:23 PM
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I have a parent of a 3 yr old boy. Mom is first one here to drop off. Last one to pick up. Mom only works part time. Child spends alot of time with step-grandparent in what many would call an unsafe environment. Eats nothing but fast food and junk. He is always tired and never on a schedule. He can get aggressive and has spent a large amount of his time with me in time out. The other kids seem to have a love hate relationship with him. Mostly because his temperament is so unpredictable. This boy has a father and although he does spend time with him, it's usually doing things like fishing until 2am or playing video games with friends online until the wee hours of the morning. When mom comes to pick up, she's usually in a hurry and is sort of detached from her son. He tries to tell her things he did during the day but she usually just tells him to stop talking and get his shoes on so they can go. She says "hurry up" to him alot. When she drops off, she is almost always on her phone and just walks DCB inside, signs him in and leaves without saying much more than a quick bye. DCB attends 5 days a week from open to close. The remaining time away from care is usually spent on the go or with random friends or family members.
This hurts my heart. A good example of a human that gave birth and is not a mother.
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Old 07-24-2018, 12:25 PM
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I just want to add that for me, daycare WAS unique in how much I took it so personally. As a server, I may judge, but I really don't care. I am an equal opportunity tip taker! Everyone gets the same service and I make great money, but it is an experience that lasts less than hour in most cases.

As for daycare, I stopped regular daycare due to family stuff, but I do drop in care (a lot of my server friends have young kids). I help parents when they work and I am way more selective on kids. I like that I can control who I work with and I take raising kids very personal, so it is a really awesome experience when you have a great family who really cares. I also like that I can detach and take no kids when I am feeling disenchanted with parents. So while I don't think venting or judgement is unique to daycare, maybe the reason for those sentiments is coming from a different, more personal, place. I give myself timeouts from it all, so I'm not sure what the answer is, but I just think it is tough to see so many kids struggling and so many adults just wandering around worried about themselves.
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Old 07-24-2018, 12:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
You ok Black cat? You seem triggered by this topic. Anyways explain how venting is different from judging.
Perfectly fine.

Not sure why a topic that I feel strongly about equates to me not being okay but I'm just fine. Thanks for asking.

Vent: give free expression to (a strong emotion).

Judging: form an opinion or conclusion about.

Venting to me is letting off steam about YOU/YOUR situation (not someone else's) How you feel.

Judging to me is holding someone else to YOUR parameters. Expecting someone else to behave/react in the same way you would.

I see the two as completely different.
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Old 07-24-2018, 12:46 PM
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Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff View Post
I just want to add that for me, daycare WAS unique in how much I took it so personally. As a server, I may judge, but I really don't care. I am an equal opportunity tip taker! Everyone gets the same service and I make great money, but it is an experience that lasts less than hour in most cases.

As for daycare, I stopped regular daycare due to family stuff, but I do drop in care (a lot of my server friends have young kids). I help parents when they work and I am way more selective on kids. I like that I can control who I work with and I take raising kids very personal, so it is a really awesome experience when you have a great family who really cares. I also like that I can detach and take no kids when I am feeling disenchanted with parents. So while I don't think venting or judgement is unique to daycare, maybe the reason for those sentiments is coming from a different, more personal, place. I give myself timeouts from it all, so I'm not sure what the answer is, but I just think it is tough to see so many kids struggling and so many adults just wandering around worried about themselves.
This nailed it for me. I don't know how to adequately explain my thoughts I guess. I don't really think I'm being hypocritical (BC I'm not picking on you, I swear lol ) For example, I honestly feel terrible for a few of my kids that don't get that time with mom and dad when an older sibling does and it's constantly. I look on some of my parents fb pages and it's constant pics of older sibling doing stuff with them and none with the one I have. Some will even say that they can't take younger one with them because he/she acts up so bad. I want to say so bad that he/she is looking for attention. It makes no difference to me personally if they come or not, pick up early or not because it doesn't make my day shorter at all. It's not about me. I honestly feel empathy for the child, so that's why I don't feel like I'm judging in that particular way I guess. When I see the faces on the brother and sister on Fridays when kid after kid gets picked up and they get so excited and then disappointed when it's not their mom and she picks up almost 3 hours after she's done working and they're the last ones here? That makes me sad for them.
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Old 07-24-2018, 12:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Perfectly fine.

Not sure why a topic that I feel strongly about equates to me not being okay but I'm just fine. Thanks for asking.

Vent: give free expression to (a strong emotion).

Judging: form an opinion or conclusion about.

Venting to me is letting off steam about YOU/YOUR situation (not someone else's) How you feel.

Judging to me is holding someone else to YOUR parameters. Expecting someone else to behave/react in the same way you would.

I see the two as completely different.
That's the beauty of this forum is we can have opposing views, the same views or slightly different views and we (for the most part lol) all get along and bounce stuff off each other respectfully. I didn't think you sounded like it was such a hot topic for you, just offering your opinion like the rest of us.
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Old 07-24-2018, 01:02 PM
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This hurts my heart. A good example of a human that gave birth and is not a mother.
Thank you. You just proved my point.

I posted that.

This little guy's mom is 23 years old. She just split up with child's father. He is currently couch surfing with friends until he finds a suitable place to live. DCMom just lost both her grandparents within the same week (April) and is spending every waking minute outside her job (she's an RN) with her father who is in hospice dying a slow painful death from pancreatic cancer. Her mom's breast cancer just returned too. Between driving her mom to chemo (4 hours away) 2-3 times a week, she also makes weeks of meals and freezes them so her mom has easy to make meals for those times when DCM is unable to cook for her. DCM is an only child so these family duties fall on her. She is also having to maintain her father's house and her mothers (they aren't together) and make sure both have clean laundry, lawn care and other errands taken care of.
She is over worked and stressed to the max. She's doing everything she can to be everything to everyone.

But yep.... She is "a good example of a human that gave birth and is not a mother."
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Old 07-24-2018, 01:19 PM
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I think the only solution to feeling bad for a child or wishing a parent would spend more their child is to completely forget that the parents exist between 9 and 5

You've opened a business with operating hours, and they pay for services within those hours. What they do after that should not enter your mind, at least that's how I maintained my zen!

Each family raises their children differently, but that doesn't mean they love their children any less than the rest of us!

I have faced criticism on the opposite side, I work from home so I can have my children home with me FT until kindergarten. People think I'm doing a disservice by not exposing them to preschool, sending them to daycamps in the summer....blah blah blah.

I say do what makes you happy and tune the rest out, you'll enjoy your day more!!
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Old 07-24-2018, 01:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Thank you. You just proved my point.

I posted that.

This little guy's mom is 23 years old. She just split up with child's father. He is currently couch surfing with friends until he finds a suitable place to live. DCMom just lost both her grandparents within the same week (April) and is spending every waking minute outside her job (she's an RN) with her father who is in hospice dying a slow painful death from pancreatic cancer. Her mom's breast cancer just returned too. Between driving her mom to chemo (4 hours away) 2-3 times a week, she also makes weeks of meals and freezes them so her mom has easy to make meals for those times when DCM is unable to cook for her. DCM is an only child so these family duties fall on her. She is also having to maintain her father's house and her mothers (they aren't together) and make sure both have clean laundry, lawn care and other errands taken care of.
She is over worked and stressed to the max. She's doing everything she can to be everything to everyone.

But yep.... She is "a good example of a human that gave birth and is not a mother."
But you yourself said that we have no idea what is going on in the parents life and yet you KNOW all of this. If we knew all of this we would feel the same way and most people in desperate situations will tell you. We have parents that are doing their best but I am not naive enough to think that every parent is fighting some invisible fight that no one else sees Some parents are jerks, full stop. I have definitely been in this business and in this world long enough to know that.
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Old 07-24-2018, 01:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics : For release 10:00 a.m. (EDT) Thursday, June 28, 2018

"Care of Household Children for the period 2013-17
ē Adults living in households with children under age 6 spent an average of 2.1 hours per day
providing primary childcare to household children. Adults living in households where the
youngest child was between the ages of 6 and 17 spent less than half as much time providing
primary childcare to household childrenó50 minutes per day. Primary childcare is childcare
that is done as a main activity, such as providing physical care or reading to children. (See
table 9.)
ē On an average day, among adults living in households with children under age 6, women spent
1.1 hours providing physical care (such as bathing or feeding a child) to household children; by
contrast, men spent 26 minutes providing physical care. (See table 9.)
ē Adults living in households with at least one child under age 6 spent an average of 5.4 hours per
day providing secondary childcareóthat is, they had at least one child in their care while doing
activities other than primary childcare. Secondary childcare provided by adults living in
households with children under age 6 was most commonly provided while doing leisure
activities (2.0 hours) or household activities (1.4 hours). (See table 10.)
ē Adults living in households with children under age 6 spent more time providing primary
childcare on an average weekday (2.2 hours) than on an average weekend day (2.0 hours).
However, they spent less time providing secondary childcare on weekdays than on weekend
daysó4.5 hours, compared with 7.5 hours. (See tables 9 and 10.) " - https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/atus.pdf
Am I reading this right? This seems like hardly any parenting is going on at all!
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Old 07-24-2018, 01:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Ariana View Post
Am I reading this right? This seems like hardly any parenting is going on at all!
Yes.

That is what the statistics show.

Check out the link.
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Old 07-24-2018, 02:01 PM
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I have a parent of a 3 yr old boy. Mom is first one here to drop off. Last one to pick up. Mom only works part time. Child spends alot of time with step-grandparent in what many would call an unsafe environment. Eats nothing but fast food and junk. He is always tired and never on a schedule. He can get aggressive and has spent a large amount of his time with me in time out. The other kids seem to have a love hate relationship with him. Mostly because his temperament is so unpredictable. This boy has a father and although he does spend time with him, it's usually doing things like fishing until 2am or playing video games with friends online until the wee hours of the morning. When mom comes to pick up, she's usually in a hurry and is sort of detached from her son. He tries to tell her things he did during the day but she usually just tells him to stop talking and get his shoes on so they can go. She says "hurry up" to him alot. When she drops off, she is almost always on her phone and just walks DCB inside, signs him in and leaves without saying much more than a quick bye. DCB attends 5 days a week from open to close. The remaining time away from care is usually spent on the go or with random friends or family members.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Thank you. You just proved my point.

I posted that.

This little guy's mom is 23 years old. She just split up with child's father. He is currently couch surfing with friends until he finds a suitable place to live. DCMom just lost both her grandparents within the same week (April) and is spending every waking minute outside her job (she's an RN) with her father who is in hospice dying a slow painful death from pancreatic cancer. Her mom's breast cancer just returned too. Between driving her mom to chemo (4 hours away) 2-3 times a week, she also makes weeks of meals and freezes them so her mom has easy to make meals for those times when DCM is unable to cook for her. DCM is an only child so these family duties fall on her. She is also having to maintain her father's house and her mothers (they aren't together) and make sure both have clean laundry, lawn care and other errands taken care of.
She is over worked and stressed to the max. She's doing everything she can to be everything to everyone.

But yep.... She is "a good example of a human that gave birth and is not a mother."
I think you actually just proved the point of the OP. There are two people who make a baby and one wants nothing to do with the child other than to play video games and stay up late. The other parent is trying to make up the difference, but is severely detached in the process. The baby often becomes a reminder of the resentment they hold for the other parent. In the case you represent, mom is taking on the full parental responsibility, as well as dealing with major family issues. I know many people, myself included, who have dealt with the same, but would never leave their kid in a knowingly unsafe place and let them survive on junk. Tragic circumstance does not allow you to escape parental responsibility. Unfortunately, at 23, you are so young and often have no idea of the impact of your choices, so in this case, I would just feel really bad for them, but I think the lack of time with their child will be felt later on. My kids come with me when we take my dad to the doc, even on the trips to the city that are all day events. But, I am 35 and realize the importance of being there for my dad, as well as being there for my kids. I can extend myself in many directions. I am pretty sure, at 23, I only thought about the impact it all had on MY life. My mom was dying, my dad was in debt up to his eyeballs trying to care for her, my brother was diagnosed as bipolar after a very long ordeal including him being missing for several days...my world was imploding, but it was all about how it effected me. So maybe age has a huge factor as well. I am not sure the answer and we never really know what people have going on, but I am also getting tired of the excuses. I work with mostly 20 somethings as a server and it is nothing but excuse after excuse, so my judgement may have gotten the best of me!
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Old 07-24-2018, 02:25 PM
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But you yourself said that we have no idea what is going on in the parents life and yet you KNOW all of this. If we knew all of this we would feel the same way and most people in desperate situations will tell you. We have parents that are doing their best but I am not naive enough to think that every parent is fighting some invisible fight that no one else sees Some parents are jerks, full stop. I have definitely been in this business and in this world long enough to know that.
Just because I happen to be aware of that info doesn't change things. If I had a family with similar behaviors and I was completely in the dark about their reasons, I wouldn't automatically assume they are bad parents that don't love or deserve their kids.

It's not okay to assume you (general you as the provider) know the reasons behind their actions. THAT was my point.

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Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff View Post
I think you actually just proved the point of the OP. There are two people who make a baby and one wants nothing to do with the child other than to play video games and stay up late.
The dad works nights so he sleeps during the day and even on his day off. Dad works alot but he tries his hardest to spend what time he can with DCB. Even if that means in the evening hours. The other parent is trying to make up the difference, but is severely detached in the process. The baby often becomes a reminder of the resentment they hold for the other parent. In the case you represent, mom is taking on the full parental responsibility, as well as dealing with major family issues.
Yep. DCM is taking on full responsibility for her family but she isn't and was never married to DCD. They lived together in a house (DCM owns) but both parents really do what they are able.
I know many people, myself included, who have dealt with the same, but would never leave their kid in a knowingly unsafe place and let them survive on junk. Tragic circumstance does not allow you to escape parental responsibility.
Like I said, these parents are young but they are doing everything they are able to do under the circumstances.
Unfortunately, at 23, you are so young and often have no idea of the impact of your choices, so in this case, I would just feel really bad for them, but I think the lack of time with their child will be felt later on.
This mom is far more mature than most my clients over 30. She is definitely not the stereotypical 23 yr old.
My kids come with me when we take my dad to the doc, even on the trips to the city that are all day events. But, I am 35 and realize the importance of being there for my dad, as well as being there for my kids. I can extend myself in many directions. I am pretty sure, at 23, I only thought about the impact it all had on MY life. My mom was dying, my dad was in debt up to his eyeballs trying to care for her, my brother was diagnosed as bipolar after a very long ordeal including him being missing for several days...my world was imploding, but it was all about how it effected me. So maybe age has a huge factor as well. I am not sure the answer and we never really know what people have going on, but I am also getting tired of the excuses. I work with mostly 20 somethings as a server and it is nothing but excuse after excuse, so my judgement may have gotten the best of me!
I replied a bit in bold above.


My point was we don't know everything.
We don't know why parents do/say what they do.
We "think" we do. But we don't.
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Old 07-24-2018, 02:46 PM
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Just because I happen to be aware of that info doesn't change things. If I had a family with similar behaviors and I was completely in the dark about their reasons, I wouldn't automatically assume they are bad parents that don't love or deserve their kids.

It's not okay to assume you (general you as the provider) know the reasons behind their actions. THAT was my point.



I replied a bit in bold above.


My point was we don't know everything.
We don't know why parents do/say what they do.
We "think" we do. But we don't.

I definitely get that. I try not to judge and I think that the older I get, the less I do, but it creeps in. My mom was diagnosed with leukemia when I was 14, so I understand having to mature early and definitely felt I was ahead of my peers in what I had to deal with at the time. It felt kind of isolating. Luckily, I have had very good experiences with a majority of my parents. And I am kind of hoping that childcare and parenting make a comeback...sort of how home cooked meals and making your own stuff has come back in style, versus fast food.
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Old 07-24-2018, 02:50 PM
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Honestly, Iíve separated myself from any thoughts/feelings about where parents are and what they are doing during daycare hours. As long as I can reach a parent in case of emergency, I really donít give a ratís a$$ whether theyíre working or not.

Itís just not something I choose to make an issue of or stress about.
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Old 07-24-2018, 03:35 PM
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Honestly, Iíve separated myself from any thoughts/feelings about where parents are and what they are doing during daycare hours. As long as I can reach a parent in case of emergency, I really donít give a ratís a$$ whether theyíre working or not.

Itís just not something I choose to make an issue of or stress about.

My thoughts as well.
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Old 07-24-2018, 03:42 PM
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Just because I happen to be aware of that info doesn't change things. If I had a family with similar behaviors and I was completely in the dark about their reasons, I wouldn't automatically assume they are bad parents that don't love or deserve their kids.

It's not okay to assume you (general you as the provider) know the reasons behind their actions. THAT was my point.



I replied a bit in bold above.


My point was we don't know everything.
We don't know why parents do/say what they do.
We "think" we do. But we don't.
You're right. To a point. Sometimes we don't know the rest of the story but sometimes we know too much. And sometimes we see parents who truly don't want to be with their child/ren. We see the way their child cries out loudly for attention, or love, or acceptance, anywhere or any way they can get it.
There is no right way or wrong way as to how a person parents. As long as they do parent and not let everybody else take it over for them and most of all, not let their children suffer due to their lack of parenting.
None of us should judge anyone but I bet there is not a one of us here who hasn't been judgemental at one time or another.
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Old 07-24-2018, 04:03 PM
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Honestly, Iíve separated myself from any thoughts/feelings about where parents are and what they are doing during daycare hours. As long as I can reach a parent in case of emergency, I really donít give a ratís a$$ whether theyíre working or not.

Itís just not something I choose to make an issue of or stress about.
I donít stress about it either! I also donít genuinly care, but I can b!tch about it since it is a topic of conversation on a forum
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Old 07-24-2018, 04:12 PM
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You're right. To a point. Sometimes we don't know the rest of the story but sometimes we know too much. And sometimes we see parents who truly don't want to be with their child/ren. We see the way their child cries out loudly for attention, or love, or acceptance, anywhere or any way they can get it.
There is no right way or wrong way as to how a person parents. As long as they do parent and not let everybody else take it over for them and most of all, not let their children suffer due to their lack of parenting.
None of us should judge anyone but I bet there is not a one of us here who hasn't been judgemental at one time or another.
I can't say that in all my years of being a provider I've ever seen a parent that truly doesn't want to be with their child. I've seen many parents that don't know what quality time is and although they may spend 12 hours with their child, they aren't really spending it with them. I've seen parents not see much of their kids at all (for whatever reason) and then pack in as much quality time as they can in a 4 hour Sunday family day. I think there is a lot to be said about quality vs quantity in this topic area.

I've seen kids that act like they are abandoned and never get any love or attention from their parent only to find out they do...it's just not 24/7 never ending time and attention.
So even those types of situations are only what we see (and apply our thoughts/ideas and parameters of what we think the child needs/wants)

I think like potty training....home and daycare are different so the kids act/behave different.

I also agree that everyone is guilty of judgement.

Myself included.

It's the automatic assumption that someone doesn't want to spend time with their child, shouldn't have had children or doesn't deserve children that gets my goat.

The rest is normal every day, every forum, every providers vent type venting stuff.

I just can't wrap my head around thinking that I somehow have the right to say someone should never have had or doesn't deserve a child.

That is the type of judgment that no one has a right to.

Boy mom has THE best post in this thread in my opinion.
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Old 07-24-2018, 04:39 PM
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That's 100% different than a parent that sends their child to care everyday when the provider thinks the parent should be spending time with their child instead of being at the gym.

BIG difference between neglectful parents and those that choose to utilize their time with or without their child in a way that isn't conducive to what the provider thinks they should/shouldn't be doing.
Why have kids then? So, you can continue life as it was before they existed. Parents like that are selfish. Don't care what you think.
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Old 07-24-2018, 05:02 PM
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I used to worry about this a lot as well. I have one client who is also a good friend and she used to "brag" about how she was getting her hair done or watching a movie or whatever - all while her daughter was here, having some sort of attention-seeking meltdown. It used to make me so mad. Then, one day, I read one of these posts about it being silly to be mad that they are using the services they are paying you for, and I just made a decision to forget about it. And now, four years into having this child in my care, I could care less. Her mom is still my friend, but I don't care anymore what she does while her kid is here. As long as she keeps paying me!

I also remember before I started day care, when I was a mom working outside of my house - I often went to the grocery store before picking up my kiddos from day care. So that when I picked them up I could enjoy my time with them and not stress over the difficulty of an infant and a toddler in the grocery store with me! Some errands are just easier without kiddos. That's why they pay us to watch their kids!
Just my 2 cents
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Old 07-24-2018, 05:40 PM
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Yes.

That is what the statistics show.

Check out the link.
Yes I read the link and still cannot believe it That seems crazy! I would say I parent for 12-13 hours a day.

Thanks for sharing because I assumed parents didnít parent much but this proves it.
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Old 07-24-2018, 05:49 PM
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Yes I read the link and still cannot believe it That seems crazy! I would say I parent for 12-13 hours a day.

Thanks for sharing because I assumed parents didn’t parent much but this proves it.
I was shocked when I first read it, too. I suspected it was decreasing gradually over time, but the rate of decrease was surprising. There are older studies for comparison, too, on that site.

The reasons I gave in my first post were what was discussed in the class I took presenting this topic on cultural and social changes that have allowed this dramatic change over time.

It is a fascinating topic.
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Old 07-24-2018, 05:53 PM
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I was shocked when I first read it, too. I suspected it was decreasing gradually over time, but the rate of decrease was surprising. There are older studies for comparison, too, on that site.

The reasons I gave in my first post were what was discussed in the class I took presenting this topic on cultural and social changes that have allowed this dramatic change over time.

It is a fascinating topic.
I am quite shocked by this to be honest! I just read it out to my DH and he is equally stunned but then told me his coworker routinely sends her child to grandmas for the full weekend and he is in summer camp during the week. She spends very little time with him and it seems like grandparents are raising the next generation of kids.

It is odd that when we talk about problems in society this aspect is never mentioned. No one ever mentions the repercusions of low parental interaction on childrens development. I truly believe that most of our societal problems stem from lack of parenting.
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Old 07-24-2018, 06:53 PM
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I will never understand why child care providers (in general) are so judgmental towards clients that use their services.

Isn't that the point of having a business?
...clients that provide an income?
Oh I'm totally judgemental. I'll totally admit it. Definitely not my best trait It's one reason why I needed to close my daycare. I could care less what people do with their kids (as long as they aren't neglected) but when I have to interact with the parents 5 days a week and be with their kids 50hrs a week, I just couldn't handle the parenting differences. I was becoming such a bitter person I fixed it by closing and doing something else. I'm so much happier now
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Old 07-25-2018, 03:12 AM
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I am quite shocked by this to be honest! I just read it out to my DH and he is equally stunned but then told me his coworker routinely sends her child to grandmas for the full weekend and he is in summer camp during the week. She spends very little time with him and it seems like grandparents are raising the next generation of kids.

It is odd that when we talk about problems in society this aspect is never mentioned. No one ever mentions the repercusions of low parental interaction on childrens development. I truly believe that most of our societal problems stem from lack of parenting.
And this really bothers me. Kids, on the whole, are going to reflect the care they've received and the environment they spend so much time in. If a child always feels left out, unloved, insecure, not to mention abused and neglected, it's unlikely that child will flourish and blossom into a healthy individual.

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Oh I'm totally judgemental. I'll totally admit it. Definitely not my best trait It's one reason why I needed to close my daycare. I could care less what people do with their kids (as long as they aren't neglected) but when I have to interact with the parents 5 days a week and be with their kids 50hrs a week, I just couldn't handle the parenting differences. I was becoming such a bitter person I fixed it by closing and doing something else. I'm so much happier now
Such honesty!! I love it. I try not to judge and am lucky to have a pretty good group of dcps at the moment. Sure, got a couple issues here and there with a touch of narcissistic craziness thrown in just for excitement but they all seem to want to spend time with their child/ren. I have no problem(anymore) with parents who want or need time to themselves but when you read stories on here....Stories about parents who take a week vacation with 1 child but send the other to grandma's. Not sure if I've ever thought any specific person shouldn't be a parent but I know I've come across a couple that should've taken a course 'How to let go of your cellphone and make your child more important 101'.
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Old 07-25-2018, 04:01 AM
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And this really bothers me. Kids, on the whole, are going to reflect the care they've received and the environment they spend so much time in. If a child always feels left out, unloved, insecure, not to mention abused and neglected, it's unlikely that child will flourish and blossom into a healthy individual.



Such honesty!! I love it. I try not to judge and am lucky to have a pretty good group of dcps at the moment. Sure, got a couple issues here and there with a touch of narcissistic craziness thrown in just for excitement but they all seem to want to spend time with their child/ren. I have no problem(anymore) with parents who want or need time to themselves but when you read stories on here....Stories about parents who take a week vacation with 1 child but send the other to grandma's. Not sure if I've ever thought any specific person shouldn't be a parent but I know I've come across a couple that should've taken a course 'How to let go of your cellphone and make your child more important 101'.
All of this.
If parents that do get frequent breaks do not want to spend that extra time that is on them.i think as providers at least for me I see a behavior difference in the ones that parents spend that extra time with their children versus the ones that drop their children off from open to close and send them to grandma on the weekends? I know myself I think children do miss valuable time.its gotten to the point I've offered those families option to save money by only sending their children those 3 days a week. No one has taken me up on it either.
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Old 07-25-2018, 05:11 AM
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I think we all do.

There is a societal concept of "getting their moneys worth" (and paying the least possible) and a current social acceptance of leaving kids in daycare 50 hours a week, or more. Even the parents who don't work and the ones who receive subsidy to cover the costs for them.

The QRIS advertising even makes new parents feel like their child will be behind if they don't .

When you add that to the newish idea that you can't be a "good" parent unless you have "plenty of me time", most parents really only do bedtime and occasional weekends anymore (over 50% in every other weekend custody and grandparent weekend care situations).

We really have to expect that kids will attend every minute we are open and adjust our schedules to that.
It is interesting reading through these posts... just responding to your comment on getting their moneyís worth: I run a home program and I know not everyone can do this but I have intentionally decided I donít want parents to do that so I charge a set rate based on their hours and give them some vacation time (if they give me notice) that I donít charge them for. I also make it clear to families that I think kids need parent time. Since they are not being charged for time not here (within reason and based on agreed schedule) they donít use as many hours as they might otherwise.I have worked with families in the past where dcf was involved and they really were better off in care, but that is not the case with any of my families now. I find a lot of families look to us to help them form these ideas about what they Ďshouldí be doing because they see us as the experts! At least around here...
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Old 07-25-2018, 05:31 AM
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It is interesting reading through these posts... just responding to your comment on getting their moneyís worth: I run a home program and I know not everyone can do this but I have intentionally decided I donít want parents to do that so I charge a set rate based on their hours and give them some vacation time (if they give me notice) that I donít charge them for. I also make it clear to families that I think kids need parent time. Since they are not being charged for time not here (within reason and based on agreed schedule) they donít use as many hours as they might otherwise.I have worked with families in the past where dcf was involved and they really were better off in care, but that is not the case with any of my families now. I find a lot of families look to us to help them form these ideas about what they Ďshouldí be doing because they see us as the experts! At least around here...
This is a great idea! And youíre likely to attract the type of client who wants to spend time with their children.
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Old 07-25-2018, 05:34 AM
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It is interesting reading through these posts... just responding to your comment on getting their moneyís worth: I run a home program and I know not everyone can do this but I have intentionally decided I donít want parents to do that so I charge a set rate based on their hours and give them some vacation time (if they give me notice) that I donít charge them for. I also make it clear to families that I think kids need parent time. Since they are not being charged for time not here (within reason and based on agreed schedule) they donít use as many hours as they might otherwise.I have worked with families in the past where dcf was involved and they really were better off in care, but that is not the case with any of my families now. I find a lot of families look to us to help them form these ideas about what they Ďshouldí be doing because they see us as the experts! At least around here...
I also think that is awesome.I know it is a hard balance for families. I think saving money on daycare would be an incentive to keep their children home a little more.
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Old 07-25-2018, 06:04 AM
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It is odd that when we talk about problems in society this aspect is never mentioned. No one ever mentions the repercusions of low parental interaction on childrens development. I truly believe that most of our societal problems stem from lack of parenting.
I think it is because many people have difficulty applying logic instead of emotion when it comes to issues pertaining to kids. If it is true and applies to us, then it stings. Insult, anger, projection, avoidance, denial and blame shifting become the focus and the topic gets lost.

It is a tough topic to take on when most are simply trying to meet basic needs, stay married and not mess their kids up. There has to be a middle ground somewhere and many can't see what that would be for them. Some don't want to.
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Old 07-25-2018, 06:16 AM
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It is interesting reading through these posts... just responding to your comment on getting their moneyís worth: I run a home program and I know not everyone can do this but I have intentionally decided I donít want parents to do that so I charge a set rate based on their hours and give them some vacation time (if they give me notice) that I donít charge them for. I also make it clear to families that I think kids need parent time. Since they are not being charged for time not here (within reason and based on agreed schedule) they donít use as many hours as they might otherwise.I have worked with families in the past where dcf was involved and they really were better off in care, but that is not the case with any of my families now. I find a lot of families look to us to help them form these ideas about what they Ďshouldí be doing because they see us as the experts! At least around here...
I think that is great. I don't do the sliding scale because it is a lot to manage and I needed to simplify billing/taxes to keep from burning out with my second jobs responsibilities, too. I do offer unpaid vacation time, although it is rare anyone takes it.

I also agree with you that parents look to us for ideas. I post all family events in my surrounding community on a regular basis to inspire. Especially the free ones in state parks, museums and libraries. It works very well since most would not know about them otherwise, they can't look that stuff up at work and don't have much time at night. It is much easier for me to stay in the loop as an empty nester.
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Old 07-25-2018, 07:27 AM
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I also have parents like this (neighbors)! I don't take neighbors as clients but they moved here after child was already established. Mom gets off early 2 days a week (3 hours before schedule pick up) sometimes picks up early but dad won't pick up early unless he see us playing outside when he drives by to go home. I guess he thinks because I saw him that he's needs to get his child....Yes please! I understand that you may want your time after work but I am here to watch your kid while you are working not relaxing at home!

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Hello All! Been taking care of kiddos for many years. In March I took on a new baby. A sweet easy going little girl. Her parents are the most interesting yet. They are older first time parents (mom 42, dad 43) Baby is here 5 full days a week. She stays until 4:45 daily when mom picks up because dad will be done working and drive right by anytime before and never picks her up. (They live down the street). I am talking hours early he gets home, I have been outside many times with kiddos and he just goes on by. She comes on their days off. Dad is on vacation this week and guess what? Baby is here. Every day. I know from talking to mom that they tried to conceive for years. They are blessed to have her in my opinion. But..... they seem to act like integrating baby into their lives is too much for them. It pisses me off. Why have a child if you don't want to spend time with it? What was their point? Just to see if they could or not? Anybody else have these parents?
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Old 07-25-2018, 07:28 AM
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ah, the everlasting "us vs. them" debate...

I've been on both sides of that fence.
to me, you have to options.
1. close up.
2. shut up.
tertium non datur.
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Old 07-25-2018, 09:01 AM
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ah, the everlasting "us vs. them" debate...
I don't think it is that simple.

All parents are "them". That includes "us".

U.S. Culture is changing and MOST parents are not as involved in raising their kids. That includes "them" and "us".

Kids who don't spend enough time with their parents don't generally learn the same culture, values and traditions of their elders. They risk being disconnected from their families and communities as adults. We already see it everywhere.

I am an example of this. My parents spent very little time with me. I was raised by daycare, TV, books and neighbors. I have nothing in common with them, still spend minimal time with them (3 hours/year), know little about my family history and have no bonds with extended family. I am far from alone. Granted I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing. That is a bigger debate for another day.

It is bigger than "them" vs "us".
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Old 07-25-2018, 09:47 AM
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Kids who don't spend enough time with their parents don't generally learn the same culture, values and traditions of their elders. They risk being disconnected from their families and communities as adults. We already see it everywhere.
true.
however, unless it's in your job description to force parents to parent better, you can't change that. "a person changed against his will is up on same opinion still," said Dr. Phil. they will still do things the way they do, and if you stop providing care, they'll find someone else who will accommodate them.

every year, around some Veteran's or Columbus day, here on the forum, appears a thread created by an appalled provider whose DCF dared to bring a DCK in when they are off for a minor holiday, and the provider is open for business. s/he is looking for the tertium. which is non datur.
2 options. that's it.
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Old 07-25-2018, 10:01 AM
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I don't think it is that simple.

All parents are "them". That includes "us".

U.S. Culture is changing and MOST parents are not as involved in raising their kids. That includes "them" and "us".

Kids who don't spend enough time with their parents don't generally learn the same culture, values and traditions of their elders. They risk being disconnected from their families and communities as adults. We already see it everywhere.

I am an example of this. My parents spent very little time with me. I was raised by daycare, TV, books and neighbors. I have nothing in common with them, still spend minimal time with them (3 hours/year), know little about my family history and have no bonds with extended family. I am far from alone. Granted I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing. That is a bigger debate for another day.

It is bigger than "them" vs "us".
Same here except back then my mom wasn't required to have a sitter for us once we were "old" enough. I was 8 raising myself and my sister. Now guess what my sister has nothing to do with my mom and I see her maybe twice a year for a holiday.it is becoming more of the normal.you can still do your job but wonder sometimes why it is so? Time is precious and is gone in a blink of an eye. Children should spend as much time with their families as they can(within reason, you have two days off EVERY week surely 1 day in a month or two can be spent with them).nothing will change my mind on that. I'm gonna scratch my head and think wtf if you NEVER take a day to be with your child in a year or more.
I'm not saying parents dont deserve a break. Why should we accept the normal as parents being detached from their children and expecting daycare grandparents,schools to raise their kids.i know those rare 3 day holiday weekends come guess what I'm taking my kids and doing something with them. They are grown in 18 short years. When they are off on their own I will be enjoying my "me" time.
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Old 07-25-2018, 11:49 AM
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I think it is because many people have difficulty applying logic instead of emotion when it comes to issues pertaining to kids. If it is true and applies to us, then it stings. Insult, anger, projection, avoidance, denial and blame shifting become the focus and the topic gets lost.

It is a tough topic to take on when most are simply trying to meet basic needs, stay married and not mess their kids up. There has to be a middle ground somewhere and many can't see what that would be for them. Some don't want to.
I think you are spot on, as always! It is a huge issue here. Our new report card has changed the component of parent involvement to parent engagement. Effective this upcoming licensing year, We have to offer a parent engagement opportunity monthly as well as two conferences a year.....I do NOT feel providers can FIX this gulf between appropriate parenting/just parents that hang around like the buddy system but the state is pushing for us to TRY!
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Old 07-25-2018, 11:56 AM
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I think you are spot on, as always! It is a huge issue here. Our new report card has changed the component of parent involvement to parent engagement. Effective this upcoming licensing year, We have to offer a parent engagement opportunity monthly as well as two conferences a year.....I do NOT feel providers can FIX this gulf between appropriate parenting/just parents that hang around like the buddy system but the state is pushing for us to TRY!
The training and requirements are starting here, too. It will be an expected part of our profession and job description (bottom left on link).

This is an interesting resource: https://www.childwelfare.gov/fei/practice-strategies/
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Old 07-25-2018, 11:59 AM
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The training and requirements are starting here, too. It will be an expected part of our profession.

This is an interesting resource: https://www.childwelfare.gov/fei/practice-strategies/
Yep and we now have a component too where we give monthly info about health/safety issues with families. I can complete and do all the state asks but still not sure if providers/daycare can FIX the parenting problem.
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Old 07-25-2018, 12:01 PM
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Part of my code of ethics as an ECE is responsibility to encourage parent engagement. Like seriously? How is this MY job? I have to care for the kids AND the adults? Where is the personal responsibility in life?

Like catherder I too was raised on tv and spent a lot of time alone. No matter what my childhood was like I am still taking responsibility for the fact that I had two children every single day. No one forced them on me!
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Old 07-25-2018, 12:06 PM
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I think the schools here and education in general have a push to educate families. I feel this is a great push. But my concerns, which I have shared with legislators,is many of these families have multiple guardians so finding the CORRECT one that will "listen/do" for the child can be difficult. There is many children that rotate between many homes weekly. It is NOT that I don't care about families, I am simply confused at how to meet what the state is pushing with the "right" guardian.
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Old 07-25-2018, 12:43 PM
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Yep and we now have a component too where we give monthly info about health/safety issues with families. I can complete and do all the state asks but still not sure if providers/daycare can FIX the parenting problem.
How bout no! None of us get paid enough to parent the parents.
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Old 07-25-2018, 12:48 PM
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How bout no! None of us get paid enough to parent the parents.
I agree, but we don't get a choice in my state if we are going to remain licensed
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Old 07-25-2018, 01:33 PM
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I agree, but we don't get a choice in my state if we are going to remain licensed
That's not even fair
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Old 07-25-2018, 01:48 PM
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That's not even fair
Life is not fair.



Sorry, I tried to resist. I. Just. Couldn't. Just wrapped up parenting teens. Reminded me of their reaction to their first paychecks when they saw everything that comes out of it.

It is all becoming mandatory.
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Old 07-25-2018, 02:11 PM
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I agree, but we don't get a choice in my state if we are going to remain licensed
So what type of things do you have to do?
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Old 07-25-2018, 02:19 PM
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So what type of things do you have to do?
We can place health/safety attachment handouts to newsletters, have ccrr do trainings for families, etc. to meet health/safety component.

For parent engagement, we can offer families the opportunity to read with the kids, share their job-place info, volunteer for parties or special occasions, etc.

For conferences, we will now have developmental checklists that I haven't seen yet, discuss milestones, resign contracts for upcoming year, etc.

It is all doable things but time-consuming mentally and physically.
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Old 07-25-2018, 02:20 PM
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Life is not fair.



Sorry, I tried to resist. I. Just. Couldn't. Just wrapped up parenting teens. Reminded me of their reaction to their first paychecks when they saw everything that comes out of it.

It is all becoming mandatory.
Yep, mandatory being the key word!!!!!!
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Old 07-25-2018, 02:23 PM
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We can place health/safety attachment handouts to newsletters, have ccrr do trainings for families, etc. to meet health/safety component.

For parent engagement, we can offer families the opportunity to read with the kids, share their job-place info, volunteer for parties or special occasions, etc.

For conferences, we will now have developmental checklists that I haven't seen yet, discuss milestones, resign contracts for upcoming year, etc.

It is all doable things but time-consuming mentally and physically.
That is alot of stuff. I can't remember what type of daycare are you and what state?
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Old 07-25-2018, 02:24 PM
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That is alot of stuff. I can't remember what type of daycare are you and what state?
Group in TN
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Old 07-25-2018, 02:26 PM
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There is also a push to reach out to the homeless and families in need and recognize the signs....have had to rewrite our termination clause to allow for many resources to be used before we terminate families.
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Old 07-25-2018, 03:24 PM
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I also have parents like this (neighbors)! I don't take neighbors as clients but they moved here after child was already established. Mom gets off early 2 days a week (3 hours before schedule pick up) sometimes picks up early but dad won't pick up early unless he see us playing outside when he drives by to go home. I guess he thinks because I saw him that he's needs to get his child....Yes please! I understand that you may want your time after work but I am here to watch your kid while you are working not relaxing at home!
This is EXACTLY the same scenario that is happening here. It makes me furious. I am here to watch your child while you WORK and nothing more.
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Old 07-25-2018, 03:35 PM
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This is EXACTLY the same scenario that is happening here. It makes me furious. I am here to watch your child while you WORK and nothing more.
Do you have that written into your contract? Iím honestly curious....no snark intended.
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Old 07-25-2018, 05:18 PM
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I think the best defense is a good offense.

I tried for nearly two decades to only provide services when parents were working. It worked with some parents but I got lied to so much that I finally surrendered and just let it go.

What I found worked for me was being very strict about a nine hour max day (with only exceptions for part timers who did longer days but had weekdays off to compensate). I also interviewed specifically on where both parents worked, when they were to be at work, when they got off and then TOLD THEM the hours they needed based on drive time plus ten minutes for slack.

The parent who went into work last dropped off and the parent who got off first picked up. I didn't take parents who had to be go in early because they had to park in the north forty, get dressed for work at work, and then clock in and do the reverse after work. If anything caused them to have extra time than normal work time and parking, I wouldn't take them. I also worked with parents who took a half hour lunch and had about a fifteen minute commute to work. If they had an hour lunch, many parents would request a half hour lunch to get their hours down to nine hours.

I also served "second breakfast" so each child was to be fed at home before coming and then once everyone arrived I would give them a light breakfast and no morning snack. I would not "finish" bottles with babies and they had to have been fed within two hours of arrival. I didn't do bottles until nine a.m. so they had to be able to make it until nine.

I found that parents who did breakfast in the morning were with them more awake time than the ones who just pulled them out of bed and put them in the car seat to come to daycare.

I took 18 days off per year but many parents used their days off as vacation time for themselves. When I first started doing daycare kids would be gone for a couple of weeks in the summer and holidays. As time went on the "family vacation" turned into the kids going to relatives or other daycares while I was on vacation. It was REALLY rare for parents to vacation and use their days off with their kids. Some did though.

I figured each kid that had a nine hour daycare day had about five hours of awake time with their kids daily. That seemed to be the magic number to have parents who spent enough awake time that they were in tune with their kids and realistic with what they expected of daycare. They were "practiced".

I also did a sliding scale fee where the cost of care was markedly cheaper the earlier in the afternoon they picked up on the day shift and the later they dropped off on the evening shift. This encouraged parents to pick up early on the day shift and have a significant amount of time before bed.

The parents who wanted their kid to come home, eat, bathe and go to bed found their kids wouldn't go to bed early because they had a full afternoon nap at my house. Once they wanted nap cut down or cut out they had to find another daycare.

I don't believe in "quality time". I believe in "quantity" time. You can't be good at parenting if you don't have AWAKE time with your kid. It's becoming common to have parents who don't like to be around their kids when their kids are awake. A policy of a minimal hours in care with most often one parent dropping and one picking up resulted in the child getting a good five waking hours a day between the care of both parents.

I think this is going to get way worse even with the best policies in place because of screen addiction for both parents and children. Babies, toddlers, and preschool kids are now given screens and parents are addicted. The more a parent is screen addicted and allows their kids on screens so they can be on screens causes such unhappiness in the parent when they have to interact and care for their child. Kids are way boring compared to the internet. I think it causes such a depression and detoxing when parents can't be on their devices and they have to interact with their kid. We now have a lot of parents who spend their time with their kid with everyone on devices. It's WAY WAY WAY worse than the kids that were parked in front of tv back in the day. The parent wants the care and the supervision of the child to be as easy as being on the internet. If the child makes that impossible they shun their child as much as they can which includes leaving them in the care for as much as possible.
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Old 07-25-2018, 07:37 PM
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Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
I think the best defense is a good offense.

I tried for nearly two decades to only provide services when parents were working. It worked with some parents but I got lied to so much that I finally surrendered and just let it go.

What I found worked for me was being very strict about a nine hour max day (with only exceptions for part timers who did longer days but had weekdays off to compensate). I also interviewed specifically on where both parents worked, when they were to be at work, when they got off and then TOLD THEM the hours they needed based on drive time plus ten minutes for slack.

The parent who went into work last dropped off and the parent who got off first picked up. I didn't take parents who had to be go in early because they had to park in the north forty, get dressed for work at work, and then clock in and do the reverse after work. If anything caused them to have extra time than normal work time and parking, I wouldn't take them. I also worked with parents who took a half hour lunch and had about a fifteen minute commute to work. If they had an hour lunch, many parents would request a half hour lunch to get their hours down to nine hours.

I also served "second breakfast" so each child was to be fed at home before coming and then once everyone arrived I would give them a light breakfast and no morning snack. I would not "finish" bottles with babies and they had to have been fed within two hours of arrival. I didn't do bottles until nine a.m. so they had to be able to make it until nine.

I found that parents who did breakfast in the morning were with them more awake time than the ones who just pulled them out of bed and put them in the car seat to come to daycare.

I took 18 days off per year but many parents used their days off as vacation time for themselves. When I first started doing daycare kids would be gone for a couple of weeks in the summer and holidays. As time went on the "family vacation" turned into the kids going to relatives or other daycares while I was on vacation. It was REALLY rare for parents to vacation and use their days off with their kids. Some did though.

I figured each kid that had a nine hour daycare day had about five hours of awake time with their kids daily. That seemed to be the magic number to have parents who spent enough awake time that they were in tune with their kids and realistic with what they expected of daycare. They were "practiced".

I also did a sliding scale fee where the cost of care was markedly cheaper the earlier in the afternoon they picked up on the day shift and the later they dropped off on the evening shift. This encouraged parents to pick up early on the day shift and have a significant amount of time before bed.

The parents who wanted their kid to come home, eat, bathe and go to bed found their kids wouldn't go to bed early because they had a full afternoon nap at my house. Once they wanted nap cut down or cut out they had to find another daycare.

I don't believe in "quality time". I believe in "quantity" time. You can't be good at parenting if you don't have AWAKE time with your kid. It's becoming common to have parents who don't like to be around their kids when their kids are awake. A policy of a minimal hours in care with most often one parent dropping and one picking up resulted in the child getting a good five waking hours a day between the care of both parents.

I think this is going to get way worse even with the best policies in place because of screen addiction for both parents and children. Babies, toddlers, and preschool kids are now given screens and parents are addicted. The more a parent is screen addicted and allows their kids on screens so they can be on screens causes such unhappiness in the parent when they have to interact and care for their child. Kids are way boring compared to the internet. I think it causes such a depression and detoxing when parents can't be on their devices and they have to interact with their kid. We now have a lot of parents who spend their time with their kid with everyone on devices. It's WAY WAY WAY worse than the kids that were parked in front of tv back in the day. The parent wants the care and the supervision of the child to be as easy as being on the internet. If the child makes that impossible they shun their child as much as they can which includes leaving them in the care for as much as possible.
Spot on, nannyde! I have a 9.5 hour limit and close several days a year with 52 weeks pay. I feel this takes care of me. I do not feel it makes parents be with their kids because they generally get left with someone other than their parents.

You are right as well as I don't see things getting better. I can do my part with the state whether it be play the game or actually get involved deep, but I still don't see providers/daycare changing what is set in place when it comes to parenting skills today and spiraling quickly out of control toward a scary trend.

just some thoughts!
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Old 07-26-2018, 03:23 AM
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I think this is going to get way worse even with the best policies in place because of screen addiction for both parents and children. Babies, toddlers, and preschool kids are now given screens and parents are addicted. The more a parent is screen addicted and allows their kids on screens so they can be on screens causes such unhappiness in the parent when they have to interact and care for their child. Kids are way boring compared to the internet. I think it causes such a depression and detoxing when parents can't be on their devices and they have to interact with their kid. We now have a lot of parents who spend their time with their kid with everyone on devices. It's WAY WAY WAY worse than the kids that were parked in front of tv back in the day. The parent wants the care and the supervision of the child to be as easy as being on the internet. If the child makes that impossible they shun their child as much as they can which includes leaving them in the care for as much as possible.

I haven't read anything truer than this in a very long time. Kids and adults alike, are so tuned into being connected and I've never seen anything like it. It's all being used to feed people's egos and as an escape. People can't wait to see who said what to them on FB or snap a selfie and post it. It takes work, effort, commitment, PERSONAL INVOLVEMENT, LOVE and CARING to be involved with raising a family.

I read something about Apple stockholders pushing Apple to research and see what they can change to discourage the addiction kids have with devices. I'm sorry but why is that their responsibility??? It's the same thing as expecting tv to change what they offer; if you don't like it, change the da%# channel or here's a better idea, shut it off completely and grab a life with your family! Again, parenting needs to be more fully involved. Other people cannot be held responsible anymore. Why are parents not being held accountable for anything these days? Everyone else is expected to take up the slack??
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Old 07-26-2018, 05:53 AM
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Why are parents not being held accountable for anything these days? Everyone else is expected to take up the slack??
Because judging parents and holding them socially accountable is no longer politically correct and passing more laws will take years and billions.

Because politicians need voters. Voters vote for who makes their lives easier.

It is easier to force those who work in industries that support kids by threatening their paychecks. (Childcare workers, software companies, furniture manufacturers, car manufacturers, restaurants, teachers, etc. )
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Old 07-26-2018, 05:55 AM
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Because judging parents and holding them socially accountable is no longer politically correct and passing more laws will take years and billions.

Because politicians need voters.

It is easier to force those who work in industries that support kids by threatening their paychecks. (Childcare workers, software companies, furniture manufacturers, car manufacturers, restaurants, teachers, etc. )
This is what makes me sad and terrified for the future generation. I am gonna be one cranky ass old lady.
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Old 07-26-2018, 05:58 AM
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This is what makes me sad and terrified for the future generation. I am gonna be one cranky ass old lady.
Each generation has said the same. They were not wrong. Luckily there will be a pendulum swing. It seems to be a pattern.
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Old 07-26-2018, 07:24 AM
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This is what makes me sad and terrified for the future generation. I am gonna be one cranky ass old lady.
I just told my DH yesterday that when I retire I am going to be a Walmart greeter....



.....only I am NOT going to greet anyone...I am going to be shouting things like:

"Hey you! Do you even own a comb??!! Aisle 4! Go get one!! It's 4PM!! Comb your hair!!"

"Don't you know the difference between pajama pants and pants? Come on dude! I'll help you out...if you have neon yellow Sponge Bob's all over them.....they are PAJAMA pants!!!!! This is NOT your bedroom! Go home and get dressed before you come back!!"

"Hey lady! Is that your kid trailing behind you? It is? Well look at HIM not down at your phone!! Hold his hand and stop yelling over your shoulder for him to hurry up! Slow down! Facebook will still be there this afternoon!"


You know...super helpful stuff like that.

Of course the alternative is hiring me to be the person at the door that makes sure you aren't stealing anything.....

...but then I'd probably check people's bags and be like "Um, nope...Cheese crunchies and blue-raspberry Kool-aide are not part of the food pyramid. Go put those things back on the shelf and find some real VEGETABLES!!"
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Old 07-26-2018, 07:40 AM
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I just told my DH yesterday that when I retire I am going to be a Walmart greeter....
Not a bad plan.

My retirement (and current part time) job generally starts with "Hold my beer".... Sometimes it is weirdly rewarding to see Darwinism in action.
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Old 07-26-2018, 07:46 AM
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There is also a push to reach out to the homeless and families in need and recognize the signs....have had to rewrite our termination clause to allow for many resources to be used before we terminate families.
I already work with Foster & shelter kids, but only as Drop-ins; none have used me FT even when offered as the state doesn't pay enough for Legally licensed exempt vouchers. I was in a crises shelter many years ago, so understand the need is different compared to a family that has a regular roof over their head, but I still think TN is pushing some of the rules too far when it comes to terminating a family.
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Old 07-26-2018, 10:39 AM
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Not a bad plan.

My retirement (and current part time) job generally starts with "Hold my beer".... Sometimes it is weirdly rewarding to see Darwinism in action.
Crack me up.
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Old 07-26-2018, 10:41 AM
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Because judging parents and holding them socially accountable is no longer politically correct and passing more laws will take years and billions.

Because politicians need voters. Voters vote for who makes their lives easier.

It is easier to force those who work in industries that support kids by threatening their paychecks. (Childcare workers, software companies, furniture manufacturers, car manufacturers, restaurants, teachers, etc. )
Bingo!!

I hate to say it but everyone is focused on the wrong thing. I wonít say what these ďfakeĒ issues are that politicians have us worried about but they are fake. Statistically speaking and accoridng to research these issues do not exist. Meanwhile lack of parenting should be at the forefront and should be what we are really afraid of.

The politically correct landscape is ruining our society. No one is judged or shamed for anything. It is all about acceptance, you go girl, you do you momma etc. I get so sick of it! There is healthy support for a parent struggling and then there is blatant enabling of toxic behaviors.
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Old 07-26-2018, 10:44 AM
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I just told my DH yesterday that when I retire I am going to be a Walmart greeter....



.....only I am NOT going to greet anyone...I am going to be shouting things like:

"Hey you! Do you even own a comb??!! Aisle 4! Go get one!! It's 4PM!! Comb your hair!!"

"Don't you know the difference between pajama pants and pants? Come on dude! I'll help you out...if you have neon yellow Sponge Bob's all over them.....they are PAJAMA pants!!!!! This is NOT your bedroom! Go home and get dressed before you come back!!"

"Hey lady! Is that your kid trailing behind you? It is? Well look at HIM not down at your phone!! Hold his hand and stop yelling over your shoulder for him to hurry up! Slow down! Facebook will still be there this afternoon!"


You know...super helpful stuff like that.

Of course the alternative is hiring me to be the person at the door that makes sure you aren't stealing anything.....

...but then I'd probably check people's bags and be like "Um, nope...Cheese crunchies and blue-raspberry Kool-aide are not part of the food pyramid. Go put those things back on the shelf and find some real VEGETABLES!!"
We need to clone you many times over and send you all over the country stat!!
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Old 07-26-2018, 07:42 PM
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I'm well aware of the topic or subject and my comments aren't directed at anyone in particular......although I knew the 'in my defense' posts would follow.

It's just a bit "funny" and somewhat hypocritical for child care providers to complain/vent about this.
Mostly because we do not know everyone's situation nor their journey's.

We "think" we do, but we really don't..... and as humans we apply our "rules" and our ideals to what we think is or isn't good parenting.

Statements such as "I see how it effects DCK" etc but again, we only know part of the story.

We know only what we see/hear and of course, assume.

I also "get" that sometimes providers are just venting.

Doesn't change the fact that I, personally feel providers are super judgmental about everything.

Clients use too much daycare....ie; bad parents, don't care about their kids, lazy etc...

Clients that don't want to pay full time or only use a partial week or want time off without being charged; don't understand how important consistency is, don't respect their provider or his/her attempt to operate a business....

It's a double edged sword and no matter how you look at it, parents just can't win. They're judged no matter what they do.

Take my opinion for what's it worth.....my opinion.
OMG I would love to see you as a Walmart greeter like this. hahahaha
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Old 07-27-2018, 06:33 AM
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OMG I would love to see you as a Walmart greeter like this. hahahaha
That be awesome.
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Old 10-11-2018, 05:55 AM
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Hello All! Been taking care of kiddos for many years. In March I took on a new baby. A sweet easy going little girl. Her parents are the most interesting yet. They are older first time parents (mom 42, dad 43) Baby is here 5 full days a week. She stays until 4:45 daily when mom picks up because dad will be done working and drive right by anytime before and never picks her up. (They live down the street). I am talking hours early he gets home, I have been outside many times with kiddos and he just goes on by. She comes on their days off. Dad is on vacation this week and guess what? Baby is here. Every day. I know from talking to mom that they tried to conceive for years. They are blessed to have her in my opinion. But..... they seem to act like integrating baby into their lives is too much for them. It pisses me off. Why have a child if you don't want to spend time with it? What was their point? Just to see if they could or not? Anybody else have these parents?
I do understand your frustration, and I used to feel the same! ...but over the years I've changed my point of view and now I actually like it better that the children are always with me, every day from opening to close.
IMHO most of today's parents do more harm than good to their children's challenging behavior there for less time with parents means my work to correct behavior issues doesn't go out the window.
I think we all agree that children with a "healthy" consistent routine are happier, easier to handle, and make our job much more fun, so that's why I rather the kids in my group stay with me even if parents are home.

PS my apology for poor grammar
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