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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I feel a little awkward asking but.....
CtheLove 03:05 AM 07-01-2014
we are in a bad situation and could use some help if anyone is able to. just check out the link below for the full story.

thanks so much
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daycarediva 05:25 AM 07-01-2014
Ok, I'm going to honest and I hope I don't get flamed.

Everyone struggles from time to time. I have been there myself. I was 18 when my husband and I had our SECOND child (unplanned on birth control). He was very sick, in NICU for months, my DD has a kidney disorder. We received NO help. Not from family or the government. Dh worked two full time jobs, while I was in the hospital with our ds. When he was released, we both worked two jobs. At one point, we were evicted. Dh lived in our car (I was fortunate enough that the nurses allowed me to shower at the hospital) and we struggled to find a place when ds was released.

You are already receiving a great deal of assistance. It sounds like you knew these bills were coming and didn't plan well enough. If your daycare wasn't operating at capacity, or enough to even cover your bills, you should have gotten a job, even part time evenings/weekends.

How is donating money going to help you pay future bills? What plan do you have in place to prevent this from continually happening?
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MyAngels 06:28 AM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
Ok, I'm going to honest and I hope I don't get flamed.

Everyone struggles from time to time. I have been there myself. I was 18 when my husband and I had our SECOND child (unplanned on birth control). He was very sick, in NICU for months, my DD has a kidney disorder. We received NO help. Not from family or the government. Dh worked two full time jobs, while I was in the hospital with our ds. When he was released, we both worked two jobs. At one point, we were evicted. Dh lived in our car (I was fortunate enough that the nurses allowed me to shower at the hospital) and we struggled to find a place when ds was released.

You are already receiving a great deal of assistance. It sounds like you knew these bills were coming and didn't plan well enough. If your daycare wasn't operating at capacity, or enough to even cover your bills, you should have gotten a job, even part time evenings/weekends.

How is donating money going to help you pay future bills? What plan do you have in place to prevent this from continually happening?


You could sell the car, and both of you could look for a second job, too.
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NoMoreJuice! 06:33 AM 07-01-2014
I'm sorry, dear...I have to agree with daycarediva. Almost everyone has been in a tight spot before, and you just do what you have to do. You might consider getting a job on the weekends while dh watches the kids, or dh could get a second job to make up for the hours he's missing.

To be totally honest, the main reason I didn't donate money is because of your car payment. A car payment is an unnecessary expenditure. I would be selling the car asap. CL has cars for a few hundred dollars that you would own outright, and the taxes would be a fraction of what you owe now.

I hope I am not being rude in saying all of this, but I truly think you are in need of some financial counseling. I am happy to share my tax dollars with anyone who truly needs them, but only until they are able to get back on their feet by learning to control their cash flow. More money in and less money out=financial independence.

Good luck to you, and I hope you find yourself in a much better financial situation soon.
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NightOwl 06:46 AM 07-01-2014
How in God's name is the utility bill $1000??? The link disappeared. I guess she removed it.
I feel your pain. I've been there when I was newly married with 2 young children. But we made it thru by severely cutting our costs and selling anything of value that wasn't necessary in order to feed the kids and pay the bills. We also had two jobs each to make ends meet. We got occasional, minimal help from family too. Got rid of the cable TV, Internet, fast food, cell phones, etc, etc. Those are all things you can live without.
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Blackcat31 06:48 AM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by CtheLove:
we are in a bad situation and could use some help if anyone is able to. just check out the link below for the full story.

thanks so much
I am going to agree with Diva here.

I totally understand needing a helping hand now and then, but in all honesty your story is really no different than anyone elses.

We ALL struggle to make ends meet now and then. We all have to do whatever it takes to keep a roof over our heads and food on our tables.

Living pay check to pay check is a way of life in this day and with the economy the way it is, people are having to be more resourceful and a bit more frugal with what they do have.

I removed the link in your post because I do not feel it is right that you are looking for donations from others who may very well be in the same predicament as you and I also feel that Diva is correct in pointing out that just because you may be able to raise enough money to pay this months expenses...doesn't mean it's going to get you out of this situation the next month or the next. kwim?

Diva's story is a perfect example of having to do what you have to do to make it.

You most definitely have my sympathies and my prayers as I truly hope you are able to find a way to get to financial stability. Something every one of us struggles to do, whether it be day to day, month to month or just time to time.

I will run this by Michael and see what the forum rules are about soliciting for money. If he approves, I will replace the link I removed.

Again, keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
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JenNJ 07:07 AM 07-01-2014
I don't mean to pile on, but really you are a new member here and you are asking for money from strangers. I would be willing to bet that most members here have had financial troubles of their own while being an active member of this forum. I've never seen anyone post asking directly for cash. It just feels wrong to me.

Catering companies are always looking for servers and the pay is good. You average over $100 cash per shift and also receive tips. Grocery stores hire and you get a discount on your food. Try picking up nighttime babysitting gigs or weekend cleaning jobs. Pizza delivery is a great option. My husband did it when we were in a tight spot and he regularly brought home $20+ per hour.

Sell the car or even let them repossess it if it is causing you financial difficulties. Public transportation or a nice road bike are viable options for commuting to work.
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sahm1225 07:25 AM 07-01-2014
A few other tips
- you can go to section 8 with your husbands pay stubs and ask for a reevaluation.
- you can go to your local dhs location (where you go to apply for the food stamps) and ask for help with your bills. They can do a one time grant to your light bill if you qualify
- go to a food bank
- go to your local church & ask for help
- apply for wic
- have your state pay family pay their copay
- work a payment plan with your utilities
- join the food program


I did read your full story before it was deleted. You are receiving almost free housing and because you didn't plan on what the bills were, you are now strapped for cash. Why didn't you save what you were saving from the rent to pay on your bills? There are lots of options available to you and it seems like you are receiving a lot of it with the food stamps & almost free housing. Food stamps weren't intended to pay for your full food bill but to help you.
I wish you the best of luck, but I'm sorry I will not offer help. You need to really look at your big financial picture and figure out how to get ahead so you are not in the same boat month after month.
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Unregistered 07:56 AM 07-01-2014
I didn't have a chance to read your whole story but first of all, I just want to say that I'm sorry that you're having money problems. Those can feel hopeless. Having been through them myself, I know how big the struggle an be.

If you're already getting assistance, then you will have to find other ways to cut back on your expenses. When my husband and I had our daughter, we were both still in college. He had a bigger course load at the time so I took on a couple part time jobs while my course load was lighter. He took care of our daughter when he wasn't in class and I took one of my part time jobs in a daycare and got a discount on tuition. We didn't go out to eat or spend frivolously. We only had one car and it was given to us for free. We lived off of student loans and we were eligible for food stamps, Medicaid and WIC. Outside of that, nobody helped us out and we were totally cool with that. I think that the struggle early on was helpful in the future.

OP, you will likely need to cut out all of the things that are not necessities. It sucks but you might have to do it. Asking people for donations isn't a solution, not a long term solution anyway. It's a band-aid, nothing more. I wish you luck.
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midaycare 08:03 AM 07-01-2014
Agree with all above. DH and I were in terrible financial trouble in the beginning of our marriage-through no fault of our own, just unfortunate circumstances. We worked our butts off to get through it, sold almost everything we owned to get cash. We moved across the country and away from family for a better job. It took us 3 years to be able to move back.

No one ever gave us a hand or any monetary help. We never received any aid.

I highly recommend Dave Ramsey's book The Total Money Makeover. The book can be found at your local library. He is also on AM radio for a few hours each day in most areas.
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Blackcat31 08:08 AM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by midaycare:
I highly recommend Dave Ramsey's book The Total Money Makeover. The book can be found at your local library. He is also on AM radio for a few hours each day in most areas.
His website is also chalk full of great advice and on-line tools to help get started

https://www.mytotalmoneymakeover.com/
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SquirrellyMama 08:44 AM 07-01-2014
I third Dave Ramsey. Try to get into his Financial Peace seminar. The price is a little steep, but you might find a church where someone is willing to pay it for you. I say church because that is usually where they are held. Sometimes he'll give it to people who call in to his show.

Good luck! If you can get out of this on your own you'll be so much better off in the long run.

Kelly
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Blackcat31 09:18 AM 07-01-2014
I just want to add that I hope you understand where all these ladies are coming from and don't think everyone is just flaming you for asking for help.

I am sure the other members feel the same and absolutely do feel for you... I am completely willing to support and listen to you vent and even give advice if I can but just because I am not willing to help out financially doesn't mean I don't care.

I DO feel saddened that you are in this predicament.
It can be scary and bleak.

But please don't lose faith that you can and will make it through this trying time, because you can and you will!

Hopefully, you will be able to take some of the advice given and really apply it to your situation. The best thing about being in financial stress is realizing what is REALLY and truly important in your life. Sometimes it takes those down times for us to realize how good the good times are.

Please know we DO care and we will all gladly offer support, encouragement and advice if you are open to it.

(((hugs)))
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midaycare 09:51 AM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I just want to add that I hope you understand where all these ladies are coming from and don't think everyone is just flaming you for asking for help.

I am sure the other members feel the same and absolutely do feel for you... I am completely willing to support and listen to you vent and even give advice if I can but just because I am not willing to help out financially doesn't mean I don't care.

I DO feel saddened that you are in this predicament.
It can be scary and bleak.

But please don't lose faith that you can and will make it through this trying time, because you can and you will!

Hopefully, you will be able to take some of the advice given and really apply it to your situation. The best thing about being in financial stress is realizing what is REALLY and truly important in your life. Sometimes it takes those down times for us to realize how good the good times are.

Please know we DO care and we will all gladly offer support, encouragement and advice if you are open to it.

(((hugs)))
ITA! You will make it through this time and come out better on the other end.
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MarinaVanessa 09:55 AM 07-01-2014
I just wanted to say that you can't solve money problems with money.

Good planning, budgeting and money management as well as saving up for a rainy day when you have extra money solves money problems.
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CtheLove 09:55 AM 07-01-2014
Please don't hate me for what I have done, believe me or not my case worker put me up to it and I'm extremely embarrassed. She told me about the website and kept nagging me about putting it on here cause I have told her how much I love coming on here, I try telling her I would get a bunch of backlash from doing this. I will be printing this out to show her.
Blackcat please leave the link down. I don't want to offend any one else.

Thank you everybody for all the suggests that have been given, I will check out the book but I don't want anyone thinking that we go crazy with our money like going out to movies or eating out every night. We don't go blow our money we just didn't have enough coming it. My husband lost hours at his job and my van broke down at the same time so we fell behind.

I have thought about getting a job outside that home but with four kids in daycare I wouldn't have much of a paycheck left if any that is why I trying to do home daycare again.

And I would like to address the person that said why aren't we saving up all the money we are saving from having almost free housing. I would like to clarify that its not practically free rent, we have to pay 40% of what the actual rent is and only because we don't make enough to afford the full rent so we are not saving any money by being on this assistance. The point of this housing program is to help homeless people and it did but there were somethings we weren't made aware of till after we moved in to this house. ( I guess you could say that was our fault too, we didn't ask enough questions )

I would also like to address someone's comment about selling our car. I have looked into it and it seems complicated when you still own so much on it. What I have found is that it will be highly unlikely to find a buyer willing to buy it at the amount I still owe on it. Even thu I still own $10,000 on it, on average I will get $8,000 (kelly blue book) for it and I still have to make payments on that last $2,000 even thu I don't own it any more and I now no longer have a van (with four kids) and no way to buy a cheaper one.
Yes it was probably stupid financing a car (we've never done it before ) but at the time we were doing ok and both of our cars died within two weeks of each other (one car almost 200,000 miles and the other well over 200,000 miles). I guess it was a weak moment for us being strand with no car.

Look I'm very sorry for starting this thread it was stupid and I shouldn't have listened to her. I probably wont be showing my self around here for a very long time if every. I'm really really sorry I upset everyone.

goodbye
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KidGrind 10:09 AM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by CtheLove:
Please don't hate me for what I have done, believe me or not my case worker put me up to it and I'm extremely embarrassed. She told me about the website and kept nagging me about putting it on here cause I have told her how much I love coming on here, I try telling her I would get a bunch of backlash from doing this. I will be printing this out to show her.
Blackcat please leave the link down. I don't want to offend any one else.

Thank you everybody for all the suggests that have been given, I will check out the book but I don't want anyone thinking that we go crazy with our money like going out to movies or eating out every night. We don't go blow our money we just didn't have enough coming it. My husband lost hours at his job and my van broke down at the same time so we fell behind.

I have thought about getting a job outside that home but with four kids in daycare I wouldn't have much of a paycheck left if any that is why I trying to do home daycare again.

And I would like to address the person that said why aren't we saving up all the money we are saving from having almost free housing. I would like to clarify that its not practically free rent, we have to pay 40% of what the actual rent is and only because we don't make enough to afford the full rent so we are not saving any money by being on this assistance. The point of this housing program is to help homeless people and it did but there were somethings we weren't made aware of till after we moved in to this house. ( I guess you could say that was our fault too, we didn't ask enough questions )

I would also like to address someone's comment about selling our car. I have looked into it and it seems complicated when you still own so much on it. What I have found is that it will be highly unlikely to find a buyer willing to buy it at the amount I still owe on it. Even thu I still own $10,000 on it, on average I will get $8,000 (kelly blue book) for it and I still have to make payments on that last $2,000 even thu I don't own it any more and I now no longer have a van (with four kids) and no way to buy a cheaper one.
Yes it was probably stupid financing a car (we've never done it before ) but at the time we were doing ok and both of our cars died within two weeks of each other (one car almost 200,000 miles and the other well over 200,000 miles). I guess it was a weak moment for us being strand with no car.

Look I'm very sorry for starting this thread it was stupid and I shouldn't have listened to her. I probably wont be showing my self around here for a very long time if every. I'm really really sorry I upset everyone.

goodbye

Why leave? There is nothing to be embarrassed about. If you need help, you ask ...that is what I was taught. You did. And you got a lot of great advice which one day may very well help you out.

I hope you stick around.
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midaycare 10:14 AM 07-01-2014
Yes, please stick around. Nothing to be embarrassed about!
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NightOwl 11:05 AM 07-01-2014
We don't want you to go! I hope you reconsider!
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Heidi 11:39 AM 07-01-2014
Ditto!

Don't be embarrassed, please! You're always welcome here!
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NoMoreJuice! 11:41 AM 07-01-2014
I just want to clarify about the car...I was in the same situation when I moved and tried to open a daycare last spring! I owed $7,400 on my car, KBB told me I would only be able to sell it for $5,500, but I sold it for $8,000 cash! I immediately wire-transferred the money to the credit union that financed me, they released the title, and I gave it to the seller in two business days. It can work out that way! Financing a car is almost always a bad idea, but lesson learned here. Getting out from under that payment was a huge relief.

Now that my daycare is up and running at max capacity, we are in a totally different situation. Life is grand, and your life will be just as grand when you build up your business. The best way to do that is to stick around here and listen to all the great (sometimes hard to swallow) advice from the amazing ladies on here.

We are rooting for you!
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melilley 11:47 AM 07-01-2014
Oh, please don't leave! Like others have said, most of us have been in your shoes, if I didn't have my mom many years ago, I would have had to go through what you are going through. There's no shame in asking for help!
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daycarediva 12:20 PM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I just want to add that I hope you understand where all these ladies are coming from and don't think everyone is just flaming you for asking for help.

I am sure the other members feel the same and absolutely do feel for you... I am completely willing to support and listen to you vent and even give advice if I can but just because I am not willing to help out financially doesn't mean I don't care.

I DO feel saddened that you are in this predicament.
It can be scary and bleak.

But please don't lose faith that you can and will make it through this trying time, because you can and you will!

Hopefully, you will be able to take some of the advice given and really apply it to your situation. The best thing about being in financial stress is realizing what is REALLY and truly important in your life. Sometimes it takes those down times for us to realize how good the good times are.

Please know we DO care and we will all gladly offer support, encouragement and advice if you are open to it.

(((hugs)))
I totally agree with this.

I do hope that you don't leave. This forum is an wonderful resource and support.

When I had four small children, I worked evenings and my husband worked days. I saw him to say HI and BYE only, and I also worked weekends. Nobody needed daycare until I got a better position and could afford it.

PLEASE don't take my comments cruelly, they weren't intended as such.
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preschoolteacher 12:27 PM 07-01-2014
Please don't leave!

You can get good advice here. And you are the kind of person I want around on the forum--you handled feedback wih grace and kept a level head when people questioned you. So many people get rude when they are questioned here. I like your style!

I really hope your situation improves!
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NightOwl 12:28 PM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by preschoolteacher:
Please don't leave!

You can get good advice here. And you are the kind of person I want around on the forum--you handled feedback wih grace and kept a level head when people questioned you. So many people get rude when they are questioned here. I like your style!

I really hope your situation improves!
Yes, this!
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sahm1225 01:18 PM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by preschoolteacher:
Please don't leave!

You can get good advice here. And you are the kind of person I want around on the forum--you handled feedback wih grace and kept a level head when people questioned you. So many people get rude when they are questioned here. I like your style!

I really hope your situation improves!
This - no need to be embarrassed at all. We've all been in situations where things were super tight.

I was the one that asked you about why didn't you save the money that you were saving on rent. I just reread what I wrote and realize that it came accross as very judgmental & mean, I apologize for that.

Can I recommend that you ask your caseworker for some assistance applying for help? If your dh hours were cut and you can prove it. Ask for an emergency reevaluation.

I'm not sure where you live but in our state the caseworker usually has connections. I had an old coworker that would purposely fall behind on her light bill because once a year her caseworker was able to somehow her her a $500 credit on her light bill (which I realize now that my mean comments were directed at her and her situation).

Call your utility bills and ask for payment areangements. Keep
Calling until you get a sympathetic ear.

I think your children are young - go apply for WIC

Start looking for more clients (I know that's hard, but advertise as much as you can).

Good luck!
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MOM OF 4 01:40 PM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
I totally agree with this.

I do hope that you don't leave. This forum is an wonderful resource and support.

When I had four small children, I worked evenings and my husband worked days. I saw him to say HI and BYE only, and I also worked weekends. Nobody needed daycare until I got a better position and could afford it.
PLEASE don't take my comments cruelly, they weren't intended as such.
That ain't no lie....Been there done that, now have a new, higher paying job.
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Tags:bad economy, financial assistance, hard time
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