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  #1  
Old 01-31-2019, 06:28 PM
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Indoorvoice Indoorvoice is offline
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Default So Burnt Out From Never Knowing The "Right" Thing To Do

So I posted in another thread this week my teacher policy of charging less for teachers with the understanding that they stay home on snow days and breaks. Of course this comes back to bite me.

My middle daughter is very good friends with a school age dcg. They grew up together. Dcg attends before and after and dcb attends full time. They're a teacher family and I love them.

My 3 kids and the teacher family kids have been home all week due to the polar vortex. Today the teacher dcm texted me asking if my middle child could come to their house to play. Dcm picked up my kid for 3 hrs and dropped her off. I knew it was a bad idea.

Part of our contract states she gets reduced tuition for keeping her kids home during breaks and snow days. Well we've never had 6 snow days in a row like this. She is paid in full for this week for dcb even though they did not attend and tuition was waived for her school aged daughter since I knew school would be closed all week.

After taking my daughter today she texted me an hour after my kid was dropped off and asked if I would take both of her kids tomorrow. I should have never taken her up on watching my child today. I'm not equipped to take her school ager for a full day while my other 2 school agers are home. I usually only have her for a half hour before and a half hour after school. There is no way I will he able to keep them quiet for the babies' 2 nap times. I know I can say no per our contract but it feels wrong since she watched my child today. I hate this part of the job and I'm so tired of never getting a break. Ever. I never know the right thing to do or say and I'm just so tired of this job. Sorry for the vent in a form of a post and I don't even know what I expect you to say. I've been looking for other jobs, but no luck yet.
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Old 01-31-2019, 06:43 PM
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Old 01-31-2019, 08:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Indoorvoice View Post
So I posted in another thread this week my teacher policy of charging less for teachers with the understanding that they stay home on snow days and breaks. Of course this comes back to bite me.

My middle daughter is very good friends with a school age dcg. They grew up together. Dcg attends before and after and dcb attends full time. They're a teacher family and I love them.

My 3 kids and the teacher family kids have been home all week due to the polar vortex. Today the teacher dcm texted me asking if my middle child could come to their house to play. Dcm picked up my kid for 3 hrs and dropped her off. I knew it was a bad idea.

Part of our contract states she gets reduced tuition for keeping her kids home during breaks and snow days. Well we've never had 6 snow days in a row like this. She is paid in full for this week for dcb even though they did not attend and tuition was waived for her school aged daughter since I knew school would be closed all week.

After taking my daughter today she texted me an hour after my kid was dropped off and asked if I would take both of her kids tomorrow. I should have never taken her up on watching my child today. I'm not equipped to take her school ager for a full day while my other 2 school agers are home. I usually only have her for a half hour before and a half hour after school. There is no way I will he able to keep them quiet for the babies' 2 nap times. I know I can say no per our contract but it feels wrong since she watched my child today. I hate this part of the job and I'm so tired of never getting a break. Ever. I never know the right thing to do or say and I'm just so tired of this job. Sorry for the vent in a form of a post and I don't even know what I expect you to say. I've been looking for other jobs, but no luck yet.
I wouldn't consider her "watching" your child. She hosted a playdate for her own child.

I would tell her that you can't take a SA for the day because it would put you out of ratio. For me, it actually would. My before/after kids can't be here all day unless another kid is absent. I can have 2 extra kids for before and after only, in addition to my regular, full-time crew.
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Old 02-01-2019, 02:00 AM
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I would tell her sorry but no. Unless you're really taking a guilt trip then offer to take her 2 kids for a couple of hours of your choosing. But ugh, SA dcks make such a difference in our days. And you're so right about babies not sleeping when they're here.
But do NOT feel you have to say yes just because she invited your dd over for 3 hours. It's very different having playdates than a business!!!
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Old 02-01-2019, 04:06 AM
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It sounds like she hosted a play date for one of your children. Why not have the SA child over for a playdate this weekend, during DC if YOU want that (not both kids) or after DC hours? Or have the SA over for a few hours to play with your middle child, but I would not feel inclined to watch both kids becasue yours attended a playdate at her house.
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Old 02-01-2019, 04:07 AM
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Sorry, mom. That won't work, but DD would love to have SA over for a couple of hours on a playdate on Saturday.
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Old 02-01-2019, 04:11 AM
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Or let her take ALL 3 of your SA kids and her child, and you can watch her son. Or just be honest and say that with that many SAs present, the babies in your care won't be able to nap, so it just won't work.
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Old 02-01-2019, 04:13 AM
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Maybe I felt differently when my own kids were little(really don't remember) but boy, by the time I'm done with dcks 7-5 5 days a week, I don't want anything to do with little kids.

Am I the odd one out? I feel terrible but cannot stand being around kids crying or screaming/whining/bossing their parents/hitting/running through stores and even have a hard time mustering up a 'oh he's so cute!' in passing. Everybody assumes you love kids all the time but it's simply not the case.
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Old 02-01-2019, 06:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Indoorvoice View Post
So I posted in another thread this week my teacher policy of charging less for teachers with the understanding that they stay home on snow days and breaks. Of course this comes back to bite me.

My middle daughter is very good friends with a school age dcg. They grew up together. Dcg attends before and after and dcb attends full time. They're a teacher family and I love them.

My 3 kids and the teacher family kids have been home all week due to the polar vortex. Today the teacher dcm texted me asking if my middle child could come to their house to play. Dcm picked up my kid for 3 hrs and dropped her off. I knew it was a bad idea.

Part of our contract states she gets reduced tuition for keeping her kids home during breaks and snow days. Well we've never had 6 snow days in a row like this. She is paid in full for this week for dcb even though they did not attend and tuition was waived for her school aged daughter since I knew school would be closed all week.

After taking my daughter today she texted me an hour after my kid was dropped off and asked if I would take both of her kids tomorrow. I should have never taken her up on watching my child today. I'm not equipped to take her school ager for a full day while my other 2 school agers are home. I usually only have her for a half hour before and a half hour after school. There is no way I will he able to keep them quiet for the babies' 2 nap times. I know I can say no per our contract but it feels wrong since she watched my child today. I hate this part of the job and I'm so tired of never getting a break. Ever. I never know the right thing to do or say and I'm just so tired of this job. Sorry for the vent in a form of a post and I don't even know what I expect you to say. I've been looking for other jobs, but no luck yet.


You need to change your mindset and how you view things. I am telling you, it's a major stress reliever.

(bolded above) She did not "watch" your child yesterday. She invited her to a play date. That has NOTHING to do with reciprocation. If your DD wants to invite her DD for a play date, you can discuss that but the invitation wasn't a trade of services.

If DCM asks you to take her kids you can always say something like "I'm sorry but that just doesn't work today."

You don't have to explain or state why. If DCM starts to bring up or mention having paid for a week she didn't use, I would just say that was part of the deal when she choose the teacher rate option.

NEITHER of you knew what the weather would be or wouldn't be like this last week. It was gamble on both parties parts. She just "lost" this time.

Parents never feel guilty during the weeks their provider "loses"

Saying no might leave you feeling guilty but the reason you feel guilty is due to your perceived situation. You are striving for fair and balanced. DCM just wants "special".

It's okay to say no. It doesn't make you a bad person.
It makes you a person who has boundaries. What a great thing to role model for yourself and your family.
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  #10  
Old 02-01-2019, 07:01 AM
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I'm sorry DCM, I can't imagine I'd be able to keep them all quiet at nap time, but DD would love if DCG came to play with her after nap time.
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  #11  
Old 02-01-2019, 07:39 AM
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I agree, that was a play date which has nothing to do with daycare.
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  #12  
Old 02-01-2019, 07:49 AM
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Sorry I can't .Text it right away.If pressed repeat.You can always do a play date for the daughter only some other time .Black cat as usual is right on point.
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  #13  
Old 02-01-2019, 08:49 AM
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It is horrible that she is using you like this. Do something nice like invite your kid over for a playdate only to play on your guilt about taking her kids.

Tell her what you WANT to tell her, don’t listen to your guilt. You will live a free carefree wonderful life if you start doing that. Trust me! I had a mom who left my care to go with another provider because she was “closer”...the reality was she was cheaper and easier to manipulate. Mom invited my daughter over for a playdate one day and started encouraging me to leave, then starts talking about using eachother for babysitting When I asked her daughter over to reciprocate the play date she dropped her off, tried to pawn her baby off on me too, and left. Then I knew she just wanted to use me as weekend childcare.
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