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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>need to vent...one last time...super long
KristinsHomeCC 04:34 AM 07-31-2015
I need to vent. You guys are awesome and quite frankly I think my hubs is getting sick of it, LOL

So...Monday, I posted about how DCP shorted me $100 for the week because I never count it out when paid. Said they knew it was there, and almost implied it was on my end where the money came up short. They paid the extra $100 with a sob story about rent being late/not enough..blah blah. Coincidentally though, never heard another word about that "mysteriously dissappeared money" whateever.

Wednesday, DCP left me with 2 diapers for the whole day. Acted like it was a huge pain and "I guess DCD will have to leave work" not my kid, not my responsiblity people. Came by with a stack of diapers, the end.

Now, Thursday night at 10 PM, she sends me a text that says (copied and paste)

Hey, so im paying you on the 7th correct, 300 and the 21st 300? So not on monday 3rd but on the friday the 7th ?

Meaning, I'd go a whole week before getting paid. I am supposedto get paid $150 every Friday for the following week. So it would be $300 - $150 for the past week and the $150 for the following. I stopped replying to her after hours but decided to so she KNOWS she has to pay today (Fri). So to which I respond;

I'm not exactly sure what you mean. I have to be paid tomorrow reguardless, always up front. If you can't pay the $300 this week/monday thats OK, because the $300 is optional. But I have to be paid atleast $150 every Friday. Are we on the same page?

THIS IS HOW SHE RESPONDED. LIVID.
"Im gonna have to call someone this is way to much ... DCD gets paid 350 friday. 245 HAS to go to rent and 100 has to go to car payment. Jesus christ this is stressful. Ill call my grnadma. And pay you 150 monday"


.......
Last time, I respond with this. I feel pretty good about what I said and how I worded it, too!

Alright. I hope you understand why I cannot go a whole week before getting paid for it. I have to run this like a business so I am able to pay my own bills in order to run the daycare. I have been more than fair on your family money wise. I have waived over $100 in late fees. I know what it's like to live paycheck to paycheck, it sucks! But you agreed to this rate when you signed on with me.

So, she never replied. This morning I woke up to this text:

I do like I said ill figure it out. I may have to apply for daycare assistance and i dont think you take that, so within the next 2-3 weeks DCB may have to switch daycares to one the is alittle cheaper and may accept assistance because 600 a month is more then rent and its getting to be way to much. Dont take it personal i havent made a decision i am just looking at options that is affordable for us :/ i love your place this is why i dont want to change where he goes but we are obviously struggling to pay 600 a month for daycare itself, ill keep you posted, i have no good leads yet. Just an idea.

I wanted to squeel with relief. The sad thing is, she is going to have a rude awakening. She is so complicated with me, I cant even imagine how a facility will handle her. Vise versa, also, because she expects a lot. All I can say is, good riddance! I require 2 weeks notice, but for this one...it isn't even worth it!!!! I am going to miss DCB though
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KristinsHomeCC 04:38 AM 07-31-2015
OH!!! I forgot to mention. I wrote her after that and said "I take nothi g personal. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Good luck on your search" and she replied about how she didn't want it "taken out" on DCB? Wtf? Who even says that! The fact that she has that mentality makes me cringe.
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DaveA 04:58 AM 07-31-2015
They need to go somewhere else asap.

When they realize you were more then accommodating and try to return, remember 1 word: NOPE!
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Blackcat31 05:20 AM 07-31-2015
Originally Posted by DaveArmour:
They need to go somewhere else asap.

When they realize you were more then accommodating and try to return, remember 1 word: NOPE!
TOTALLY agree with this ^^

I'd get one step ahead of her and just send her packing.
If you can fill the space, go ahead and do it.

I require pre-payment on Fridays too and I have accepted late payments on Mondays WITH a late fee AND the fact that after 3 late payments, termination is immediate. I refuse to work with families that don't respect my job/income/policies.

She is wishy-washy/difficult because you have let her get away with quite a bit and when she pushed back, she isn't getting the results she wants and gets testy....SHE wants to run the show and when you let on that you didn't take it personal, she revealed to you that SHE does take it personal (or she wouldn't have made that comment about taking it out on DCB)

Personally, I'd take her today and at pick up I would tell her you've had a chance to think it through and you realize that its not fair for them to have to struggle financially so much and that it's stressful to you that they are always trying to negotiate things so you feel its best to just make a clean break and part ways now.

If you do it immediately, she can use the $300 she was going to pay you to pay her rent and stop making HER parental/family obligations YOUR problem.

That's what I would do... I don't take that type of statement (taking it out on her kid ) lightly and in 9 out of 10 cases, it usually means...if you don't do what I want you to do (let her pay late) she is going to report you for not being nice to her kid.

Every.single. time a parent goes that direction, it's because they are gearing up to "test" you/your policies or whatever in order to control the situation.
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childcaremom 05:28 AM 07-31-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
TOTALLY agree with this ^^

I'd get one step ahead of her and just send her packing.
If you can fill the space, go ahead and do it.

I require pre-payment on Fridays too and I have accepted late payments on Mondays WITH a late fee AND the fact that after 3 late payments, termination is immediate. I refuse to work with families that don't respect my job/income/policies.

She is wishy-washy/difficult because you have let her get away with quite a bit and when she pushed back, she isn't getting the results she wants and gets testy....SHE wants to run the show and when you let on that you didn't take it personal, she revealed to you that SHE does take it personal (or she wouldn't have made that comment about taking it out on DCB)

Personally, I'd take her today and at pick up I would tell her you've had a chance to think it through and you realize that its not fair for them to have to struggle financially so much and that it's stressful to you that they are always trying to negotiate things so you feel its best to just make a clean break and part ways now.

If you do it immediately, she can use the $300 she was going to pay you to pay her rent and stop making HER parental/family obligations YOUR problem.

That's what I would do... I don't take that type of statement (taking it out on her kid ) lightly and in 9 out of 10 cases, it usually means...if you don't do what I want you to do (let her pay late) she is going to report you for not being nice to her kid.

Every.single. time a parent goes that direction, it's because they are gearing up to "test" you/your policies or whatever in order to control the situation.


I would be done, too, immediately.

I just got rid of a family that had similar issues with following policies. She wanted to be my boss and even though I remained firm, they continuously broke policies and were a general headache. I had a pit in my stomach each time they pulled in the driveway. I finally had enough, termed, and love my job again.

The good families are out there.
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Shell 06:39 AM 07-31-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
TOTALLY agree with this ^^

I'd get one step ahead of her and just send her packing.
If you can fill the space, go ahead and do it.

I require pre-payment on Fridays too and I have accepted late payments on Mondays WITH a late fee AND the fact that after 3 late payments, termination is immediate. I refuse to work with families that don't respect my job/income/policies.

She is wishy-washy/difficult because you have let her get away with quite a bit and when she pushed back, she isn't getting the results she wants and gets testy....SHE wants to run the show and when you let on that you didn't take it personal, she revealed to you that SHE does take it personal (or she wouldn't have made that comment about taking it out on DCB)

Personally, I'd take her today and at pick up I would tell her you've had a chance to think it through and you realize that its not fair for them to have to struggle financially so much and that it's stressful to you that they are always trying to negotiate things so you feel its best to just make a clean break and part ways now.

If you do it immediately, she can use the $300 she was going to pay you to pay her rent and stop making HER parental/family obligations YOUR problem.

That's what I would do... I don't take that type of statement (taking it out on her kid ) lightly and in 9 out of 10 cases, it usually means...if you don't do what I want you to do (let her pay late) she is going to report you for not being nice to her kid.

Every.single. time a parent goes that direction, it's because they are gearing up to "test" you/your policies or whatever in order to control the situation.

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Thriftylady 08:11 AM 07-31-2015
Originally Posted by KristinsHomeCC:
OH!!! I forgot to mention. I wrote her after that and said "I take nothi g personal. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Good luck on your search" and she replied about how she didn't want it "taken out" on DCB? Wtf? Who even says that! The fact that she has that mentality makes me cringe.
That would get an immediate termination from me. To me you are saying "I don't trust you" and if you don't trust me, I am not keeping your child. To much liability.
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KristinsHomeCC 08:14 AM 07-31-2015
So. . Since this is my 1st immediate termination, I am stressing how to word it to her once she comes for pick up. I am going to have all his stuff ready to go. I was going to term her with a week notice, meaning she has to be done by next Friday. But since she said what she said about the "taking it out", I feel very uneasy. What if he gets hurt today? Is she going to think it happened on purpose? UGH!
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Thriftylady 08:18 AM 07-31-2015
I just have a "termination notice" form.

On it I put the reason for termination. On this one, I would simply put "Parent has shown distrust in the provider, therefore the provider can no longer provide care".
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childcaremom 08:20 AM 07-31-2015
When I have had to do this I have a note typed up (very formal, Immediate term, last day I am providing childcare services is .... today's date.... number for childcare referral agency), which I hand to parent, and tell them that I am unable to provide childcare services any longer. Hand them their stuff, the letter, hand off child, and close the door. I also make sure that ALL items they will need from me are there (clothing, supplies, receipts, etc) so it is a clean break.

Someone else will probably have more exact wording if you need it.

Eta: The whole process should take 1-2 mins max. There is no reason for a huge discussion or negotiation. Dcm will be upset. I would just state your facts and refuse to engage. My decision is final. It is a business decision. Etc.
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Blackcat31 08:24 AM 07-31-2015
Originally Posted by KristinsHomeCC:
So. . Since this is my 1st immediate termination, I am stressing how to word it to her once she comes for pick up. I am going to have all his stuff ready to go. I was going to term her with a week notice, meaning she has to be done by next Friday. But since she said what she said about the "taking it out", I feel very uneasy. What if he gets hurt today? Is she going to think it happened on purpose? UGH!
"DCM, obviously you are having troubles affording my program and while I do understand, I am unable to accommodate your family any longer. Given the statement you made about me taking things out on your child, I no longer feel that I am the right program for your family and have no other choice but to terminate our agreement for child care services as of today. "

Contact your licensor immediately (ideally BEFORE you actually terminate the family) and let her/him know what is happening because I GUARANTEE you this mom will report you to licensing once she is terminated.

She is also going to back peddle and try to say she was only saying that as a joke or that she didn't mean it but that is ONLY because you are leaving her without care. She meant it. But she meant it as a way to be the one in control.

I would also plan to have another adult (your DH if possible) present when you term so she takes the news and leaves without any additional drama.

If you feel more comfortable, you can certainly write all of that down in a letter of termination verses saying it to her and just tell her you are terming effective immediately and she can read the letter later.

I won't lie...this is one of the sucky and hard parts of this job but if you don't term her, you will be working FOR her and at her beck and call all the while living under the constant fear of her reporting you to licensing for "taking things out on her kid". I personally could not live like that and the adrenaline alone (from being so mad that she went there...) would have me confident enough to term on the spot without feeling one bit bad about it.

I would do like pp said too and refuse to continue discussing it. It is non-negotiable.
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KristinsHomeCC 08:59 AM 07-31-2015
Thank you so much. I wrote a letter and signed it for the copy, put it in his bag with his stuff. I will also tell her verbally. Just gotta do it! Thank you all so much. For real. This forum is the best and so are you guys!! (Well...ladies for the most part :P )
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KristinsHomeCC 09:00 AM 07-31-2015
The part of me that feels bad is leaving her with just the weekend to find another daycare to go to. Just have to remember its not my problem.
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Blackcat31 09:03 AM 07-31-2015
Originally Posted by KristinsHomeCC:
The part of me that feels bad is leaving her with just the weekend to find another daycare to go to. Just have to remember its not my problem.
SHE did that. (left herself with only a weekend to find care) You didn't.

There was NO liability in keeping him in regards to the payment issues...that was just annoying and hard to work around.
SHE made it TOO risky to keep them. That's on HER not YOU.

Think she feels bad that YOU were put in this position?

I'm gonna go with no. She isn't even thinking about how any of this (missed/late payments and verbal "threats) effects you...

Stop worrying about how any of HER actions effect HER. (notice the pattern here? )
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Thriftylady 09:16 AM 07-31-2015
Originally Posted by KristinsHomeCC:
The part of me that feels bad is leaving her with just the weekend to find another daycare to go to. Just have to remember its not my problem.
I agree with BC, SHE did this to herself. You are doing nothing but standing up for yourself and protecting yourself. We have enough liability as it is, we don't need more.
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e.j. 11:35 AM 07-31-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Personally, I'd take her today and at pick up I would tell her you've had a chance to think it through and you realize that its not fair for them to have to struggle financially so much and that it's stressful to you that they are always trying to negotiate things so you feel its best to just make a clean break and part ways now.

If you do it immediately, she can use the $300 she was going to pay you to pay her rent and stop making HER parental/family obligations YOUR problem.
I agree with everything BC and the others have said. You have nothing to feel bad about. She's put herself in this position. Besides, "grnadma" is apparently available to watch her child so she won't be in too much of a bind.
Sleep well tonight!
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KristinsHomeCC 11:59 AM 07-31-2015
I just havent grown my back bone yet. This definitely is starting the growth, because I've been going over every possible scenario in my head all day long. Jeeeshhh! You're all right. I do NOT work for her, this is a partnership. She is seriously slacking on her half while I am over giving on mine. Not fair to myself or my business. T-minus one hour til termination..... :P
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Thriftylady 12:05 PM 07-31-2015
Let us know how it goes. I hate leading into these things, but I most always feel better when they are done.
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Missqjulie 12:16 PM 07-31-2015
Yes I would just let her go. She knew the rates and now she is taking advantage. She will figure it out.
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KristinsHomeCC 01:49 PM 07-31-2015
Well...I ALMOST chickened out and was going to call her after she got home but I balls-ed up and did it. I explained and she stood there for a minute, grabbed the pack and play and slammed my door. She still had a whole bag of stuff but of course DCD is going to come get it. Then I get these lovely texts :

DCD will get his diapers and cup. You wont see us again sorry for being a burden glad you have new kids and got rid of my son, that may i remind you LOVES being there. Thanks for everything.

Also I want all the the arts he has done, ill just delete the apps and please remove any pictures of my son on any sites, and phones. Dont want him used as an example as you have new kids for that.

Good LORD Im glad she is gone. What a nightmare
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childcaremom 02:00 PM 07-31-2015
Originally Posted by KristinsHomeCC:
Well...I ALMOST chickened out and was going to call her after she got home but I balls-ed up and did it. I explained and she stood there for a minute, grabbed the pack and play and slammed my door. She still had a whole bag of stuff but of course DCD is going to come get it. Then I get these lovely texts :

DCD will get his diapers and cup. You wont see us again sorry for being a burden glad you have new kids and got rid of my son, that may i remind you LOVES being there. Thanks for everything.

Also I want all the the arts he has done, ill just delete the apps and please remove any pictures of my son on any sites, and phones. Dont want him used as an example as you have new kids for that.

Good LORD Im glad she is gone. What a nightmare
Just as a little tip... I have in my policies that any photos remain my property and by signing the agreement, it is understood that when a child ages out or leaves the program for any reason, I do not have to remove them. (Worded a little differently but the general idea is the same)

I could not imagine having to go through and remove all the pics I have taken with one dck in them.
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Blackcat31 02:10 PM 07-31-2015
Originally Posted by KristinsHomeCC:
Well...I ALMOST chickened out and was going to call her after she got home but I balls-ed up and did it. I explained and she stood there for a minute, grabbed the pack and play and slammed my door. She still had a whole bag of stuff but of course DCD is going to come get it. Then I get these lovely texts :

DCD will get his diapers and cup. You wont see us again sorry for being a burden glad you have new kids and got rid of my son, that may i remind you LOVES being there. Thanks for everything.

Also I want all the the arts he has done, ill just delete the apps and please remove any pictures of my son on any sites, and phones. Dont want him used as an example as you have new kids for that.

Good LORD Im glad she is gone. What a nightmare
I'm sorry it was so dramatic...

She is definitely trying to use the situation to her advantage.

Take a deep breath and be glad it's over. She did this to herself.

You did exactly what I would have done in your shoes.

It's tough but it was necessary.

Move forward and appreciate the learning experience and the fact that the relief from not having to be so stressed when dealing with this family is yours to savor.
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KristinsHomeCC 02:15 PM 07-31-2015
Phheewwwwww. My heart is still racing. If I have it in a text message that she gave me permission to use her son's pictures on my website and FB, do you think that's good enough?? I really dont want to have to do that. I honestly teared up a little bit. I didnt want it to end that badly/dramatic. She is 19 so she is SUPER young and I know she was acting on emotion and only emotion. Still sucks. I've gone to text her back 10 times but I'm not going to. I'm just going to leave it at that.
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Leigh 03:25 PM 07-31-2015
"I want all the arts he has done"? Seriously? If a parent didn't take them home the day I handed them to the parent, they go in the trash-like we have a childrens' art museum in our basements to store all the stuff that the parents didn't bother to take home?

Glad things are over for you!
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e.j. 04:17 PM 07-31-2015
Originally Posted by KristinsHomeCC:
DCD will get his diapers and cup. You wont see us again sorry for being a burden glad you have new kids and got rid of my son, that may i remind you LOVES being there. Thanks for everything.
A very immature attempt to send you on a guilt trip. I'm sure it was hard for you to confront her but the relationship with her would have only grown more and more stressful for you. The only text I'd send back to her would be to remind her or dcd to let you know when dcd is planning to pick the rest of their things up so you can be home to hand them off to him.
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Thriftylady 05:10 PM 07-31-2015
Originally Posted by e.j.:
A very immature attempt to send you on a guilt trip. I'm sure it was hard for you to confront her but the relationship with her would have only grown more and more stressful for you. The only text I'd send back to her would be to remind her or dcd to let you know when dcd is planning to pick the rest of their things up so you can be home to hand them off to him.
And give her a reasonable time limit, or you will donate them. I have 7 days in my handbook.
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nannyde 05:39 PM 07-31-2015
"You are welcome to purchase his art collection. I'm planning on selling it to the Guggenheim museum but if you would like to make me an offer, I will consider it. Please let me know your best and final."
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KristinsHomeCC 06:01 PM 07-31-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
"You are welcome to purchase his art collection. I'm planning on selling it to the Guggenheim museum but if you would like to make me an offer, I will consider it. Please let me know your best and final."
LOL!

Sadly now she is harassing my business FB page. Had to ban her. So over it!
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Rockgirl 06:38 PM 07-31-2015
Originally Posted by KristinsHomeCC:
LOL!

Sadly now she is harassing my business FB page. Had to ban her. So over it!
Ridiculous!
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Thriftylady 08:51 PM 07-31-2015
Don't you just love it when the parents throw a bigger tantrum than the kids?
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