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Meeko 07:53 PM 08-24-2015
My dearest "sisters"......today is the worst day ever and I need all the suggestions you can give me to get through this.

I have been a provider for almost 30 years and never had a little one die in my care. Today that changed.

I went to check on our 4 mth old dcb and he wasn't breathing. I screamed for my son to call 911 and started cpr.

The paramedics and police all arrived and took over...but he didn't make it.

The police and licensing say I did everything right...but OH the hurt tonight. I just got a beautiful text from the parents telling me they love me and understand I did all I could.

I can't stop crying. He was a gorgeous, happy, sweet baby. I have had his sister here for the past two and a half years.

My heart aches for his parents. Wonderful people.

So if any of you have been through this or have any advice...I'll take it. I am so lost. I have already decided that I will not tend babies any more. Only a year plus.

I feel so helpless. I keep wanting to wake up from this nightmare.

Wee have had an outpouring of support from our daycare parents and friends and church members/neighbors. But this is something I always dreaded.

Have any of you gone through this???

Please keep the parents in your prayers.

I will keep you updated.....
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Thriftylady 07:54 PM 08-24-2015
I have not gone through this, but you and the family are in my prayers.
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jenboo 08:11 PM 08-24-2015
I'll be praying for you! I know someone who went through this year's ago. I'll see if they would be willing to talk to you. Please message me the way you prefer to be contact.
Hopefully she will be able to help or at least she will understand what you are going through.
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mommiebookworm 08:28 PM 08-24-2015
I'm so sorry. I pray for healing and peace for you. I can't imagine what you are going through.
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nanglgrl 08:29 PM 08-24-2015
I know exactly how you feel and I'm sorry for your loss. I was in the same situation once, the child was the same age and I watched her two older siblings for years. I lived in a duplex at the time and screamed such a terrified scream my next door neighbor burst through my door to see what was wrong. I was doing CPR at the time and she helped wrangle all of the other children including the babys siblings. My neighbor had a baby who had died from SIDS years prior and was in shock herself.
The parents were absolutely wonderful and even though they were grieving horribly they extended their love to me for which I will be forever grateful. I was in shock. My home was a crime scene until an autopsy could be done. We lived in a hotel for a bit. A baby died on my watch.
I blamed myself. That day had been different than most. Most days the baby and her siblings arrived early and I held her while she slept but that morning I decided to make a big breakfast for the children and put her in the crib. I could hear her crying periodically because she wasn't used to not being held to sleep but I decided she would be fine until I could finish up breakfast and get the kids off to school. When she stopped crying I went to check on her and she was gone.
I had so much blame for myself and I guess I still do even though in my heart of hearts I know I nothing I could have done or not done would have changed the outcome. I will always have the "what ifs" and the "whys". I went to a SIDS support group and it helped to hear the stories of others and even a story from a doctor who said he had a baby die of SIDS in his arms. They talked about it as if it were like a light switch that someone flipped to the off position. The baby was healthy, no abuse, laying on her back, if I remember right the parents did smoke, she had immunizations he day before and a slight cold. There were some factors that could have contributed but was such a happy, healthy, sweet baby it was and still is hard to believe that she was just gone in an instant.
I didn't take any babies under a year for years and when I had my next child I bought an angelcare monitor. I was so scared and so was my family..every time the alarm went off on that thing we all went running to the crib. I don't think I stopped making sure my two youngest were breathing at night until they were 3 years old. I still freak out when I wake up and my 5 year old is beside me and too still.
I take one infant at a time now and only over 6 months old and only if I have to. I check on breathing regularly and often have to put my finger on the baby's mouth because I want to make extra sure the baby is ok. When the baby is sleeping and we get caught up in an activity and I get a strong feeling to check I freak out and RUN to the babies bed.
I don't think the feeling will ever go away, even with my grandchildren someday. If you need to talk please feel free to message me.
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Baby Beluga 08:53 PM 08-24-2015
Oh Meeko, I'm so very, very sorry
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grateday 08:54 PM 08-24-2015
Originally Posted by nanglgrl:
I know exactly how you feel and I'm sorry for your loss. I was in the same situation once, the child was the same age and I watched her two older siblings for years. I lived in a duplex at the time and screamed such a terrified scream my next door neighbor burst through my door to see what was wrong. I was doing CPR at the time and she helped wrangle all of the other children including the babys siblings. My neighbor had a baby who had died from SIDS years prior and was in shock herself.
The parents were absolutely wonderful and even though they were grieving horribly they extended their love to me for which I will be forever grateful. I was in shock. My home was a crime scene until an autopsy could be done. We lived in a hotel for a bit. A baby died on my watch.
I blamed myself. That day had been different than most. Most days the baby and her siblings arrived early and I held her while she slept but that morning I decided to make a big breakfast for the children and put her in the crib. I could hear her crying periodically because she wasn't used to not being held to sleep but I decided she would be fine until I could finish up breakfast and get the kids off to school. When she stopped crying I went to check on her and she was gone.
I had so much blame for myself and I guess I still do even though in my heart of hearts I know I nothing I could have done or not done would have changed the outcome. I will always have the "what ifs" and the "whys". I went to a SIDS support group and it helped to hear the stories of others and even a story from a doctor who said he had a baby die of SIDS in his arms. They talked about it as if it were like a light switch that someone flipped to the off position. The baby was healthy, no abuse, laying on her back, if I remember right the parents did smoke, she had immunizations he day before and a slight cold. There were some factors that could have contributed but was such a happy, healthy, sweet baby it was and still is hard to believe that she was just gone in an instant.
I didn't take any babies under a year for years and when I had my next child I bought an angelcare monitor. I was so scared and so was my family..every time the alarm went off on that thing we all went running to the crib. I don't think I stopped making sure my two youngest were breathing at night until they were 3 years old. I still freak out when I wake up and my 5 year old is beside me and too still.
I take one infant at a time now and only over 6 months old and only if I have to. I check on breathing regularly and often have to put my finger on the baby's mouth because I want to make extra sure the baby is ok. When the baby is sleeping and we get caught up in an activity and I get a strong feeling to check I freak out and RUN to the babies bed.

I don't think the feeling will ever go away, even with my grandchildren someday. If you need to talk please feel free to message me.
Your stories break my heart and I could not take babies if it ever happened to me.
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Bookworm 08:55 PM 08-24-2015
Father God in the name of Jesus! I'm so sorry for you and the parents. You are in my prayers.
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BumbleBee 08:57 PM 08-24-2015
My heart goes out to you Meeko. I have no advice or suggestions. All I can say is I'm praying for you. Please let us know if there's anything we can do for you
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Controlled Chaos 10:27 PM 08-24-2015
I just prayed some tearful prayers - wishing to send you and the baby's parents peace, love and hope tonight. I am so sorry. ❤️❤️❤️
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Josiegirl 02:16 AM 08-25-2015
There is nothing I can offer except a heartfelt I'm so sorry. It must be hell for all of you. I am very sorry.
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hope 02:40 AM 08-25-2015
Meeko, I am so sorry. You will be in my families prayers.
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Rockgirl 03:08 AM 08-25-2015
(((Meeko)))

I am so very, very sorry. You are in my prayers right now, as well as the baby's family.
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Sugar Magnolia 03:27 AM 08-25-2015
My sincerest sympathies to you and the family.
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Play Care 03:40 AM 08-25-2015
I am so sorry.

Prayers to you and the infant's family.
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snbauser 03:51 AM 08-25-2015
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sending prayers and hugs for peace and strength.
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Indoorvoice 04:16 AM 08-25-2015
I just wanted to let you know I'm so sorry and you and the baby's family will be in my thoughts.
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bklsmum 04:21 AM 08-25-2015
I know nothing I say can take away the heartache you are feeling right now but please know you and that sweet baby and the family are in my prayers.
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Laurel 04:29 AM 08-25-2015
I am so sorry Meeko.

My provider friend had that happen at her house but I didn't know her at the time. She also did everything right. She did continue to take babies but I don't think I could have.

If it gets to be too much get counseling for you to help you through it.

Hugs, Laurel
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MommyMuffin 04:45 AM 08-25-2015
Wow! I'm so sorry, I just couldn't imagine. Be very kind and patient with yourself! I'm sorry for your loss
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KidGrind 04:58 AM 08-25-2015
Originally Posted by Meeko:
My dearest "sisters"......today is the worst day ever and I need all the suggestions you can give me to get through this.

I have been a provider for almost 30 years and never had a little one die in my care. Today that changed.

I went to check on our 4 mth old dcb and he wasn't breathing. I screamed for my son to call 911 and started cpr.

The paramedics and police all arrived and took over...but he didn't make it.

The police and licensing say I did everything right...but OH the hurt tonight. I just got a beautiful text from the parents telling me they love me and understand I did all I could.

I can't stop crying. He was a gorgeous, happy, sweet baby. I have had his sister here for the past two and a half years.

My heart aches for his parents. Wonderful people.

So if any of you have been through this or have any advice...I'll take it. I am so lost. I have already decided that I will not tend babies any more. Only a year plus.

I feel so helpless. I keep wanting to wake up from this nightmare.

Wee have had an outpouring of support from our daycare parents and friends and church members/neighbors. But this is something I always dreaded.

Have any of you gone through this???

Please keep the parents in your prayers.

I will keep you updated.....

My sincerest condolences to you and the baby’s family.
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Unregistered 05:14 AM 08-25-2015
My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family. ((hugs))
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DaveA 05:17 AM 08-25-2015
So sorry and prayers for all involved
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mamamanda 05:27 AM 08-25-2015
Oh Meeko!!! My heart is broken for you! You are & will continue to be in my prayers. I pray for healing for your heart as well as the parents'. We your 'sister' providers love you and you will get through this one day at a time. Take care of you through this tough time & keep us posted if we can help!
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midaycare 05:44 AM 08-25-2015
I am so sorry. Prayers, prayers, and more prayers.
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yodaone 05:56 AM 08-25-2015
I am so sorry. Lots of prayers for you and the babies family.
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laundrymom 06:02 AM 08-25-2015
I echo the love and prayers of other posters. Love to all of you.
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KKDaycare 06:05 AM 08-25-2015
Thinking of you and the family and sending you warm fuzzies during this terrible time.
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nannyde 06:08 AM 08-25-2015
Meeko if you need someone to talk to I can call you. Just pm me. Cohle is having his wisdom teeth removed today but I should be home in the late afternoon.
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Magic 06:34 AM 08-25-2015
oh my
heart and thoughts to you and the family
huggs
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ajayrv 06:44 AM 08-25-2015
So sorry for the loss.. Just reading this whole thread is starting to make me cry

Our prayers go out to you and the family
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littletots 07:04 AM 08-25-2015
Such sad news. You are in my thoughts.
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Leigh 07:15 AM 08-25-2015
I'm so sorry for you and for this baby's parents. It's my biggest fear that a baby would pass from SIDS on my watch, It's a terrifying thought. I'm sure that you're going to be hurting for a long time, even though it wasn't your fault. Find a local support to help you through this (counselor, support group), and come here to talk whenever you need to.
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BabyMonkeys 07:18 AM 08-25-2015
My heart breaks for you and the family. I am so sorry that happened. I am praying for all of you.
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Luna 07:23 AM 08-25-2015
You and the child's family have my deepest sympathies. You will find a way to get through this and find peace. I can't imagine your pain.
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spinnymarie 07:26 AM 08-25-2015
I am so so so so sorry.
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spud912 07:27 AM 08-25-2015
I've been thinking about you all morning . I'm so sorry to hear about the baby! I'm at a total loss of words. We will keep you and the parents in our prayers .
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crazydaycarelady 07:59 AM 08-25-2015
I have no words of advice. I would be devastated as I am sure you are. You are in my thoughts Meeko. (((HUGS)))
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childcaremom 08:01 AM 08-25-2015
Oh, Meeko. I'm so sorry. Love, thoughts and prayers with you and the family. Deepest condolences.
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Silly Songs 08:16 AM 08-25-2015
Hugs and prayers to you and the baby's family.
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mommyneedsadayoff 08:22 AM 08-25-2015
I am so sorry Thinking of you and the family and wishing you strength during this tough time.
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Annalee 09:22 AM 08-25-2015

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Second Home 09:40 AM 08-25-2015
Words are not enough . I am so sorry .
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KristinsHomeCC 09:47 AM 08-25-2015
Oh my goodness. So sorry to hear you're going through this, I cannot imagine the pain. My thoughts are out to you and baby's family.
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Little Learners 10:15 AM 08-25-2015
Very sorry, it's a very traumatic thing, we've recently had 2 in our town within a month of each other. With SIDS there's nothing you could have done wrong or to prevent it. Now they aren't sure if the back to sleep campaign has really been that successful because of code shifting from medical examiners. Since the two happened close to me I've read up a little, and also only care for ages 1 and up.

I'm glad you have great parents, and I feel bad for them but sadly would have happened regardless. Condolences, and hope you can take a little time off because you probably need it.
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daycarediva 10:42 AM 08-25-2015
Oh honey, my heart breaks for you. Lots of thoughts going your way, and of course to the child's family.
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e.j. 11:35 AM 08-25-2015
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can only imagine how painful it must be for you and for the family. Prayers for all of you!
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Heidi 11:43 AM 08-25-2015
OH Meeko, I am so sorry!

There are no words to make this right. Please take care of yourself and please, know somehow you'll get through this.


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melilley 12:05 PM 08-25-2015
I am so sorry this happened to you, my worst fear. I'll be thinking of you and that child's family.
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MyAngels 12:25 PM 08-25-2015
I'm so sorry, Meeko. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
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Angelsj 12:51 PM 08-25-2015
So sorry for this, Meeko. Hugs and prayers for all of you.
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daycare 01:13 PM 08-25-2015
I saw this earlier, but could not find the right words to say. But then realized I don't know what words I could say to make this situation feel any better.

All I could think of is, please don't blame yourself and please find time for yourself. Blessing your family with positive thoughts and prayer.

hugs Noha
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Janiam 01:23 PM 08-25-2015
Every parent and providers worst nightmare. Sending healing thoughts and prayers to you and the baby's family.
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Crazy8 01:56 PM 08-25-2015
oh my goodness… it is my very worst fear as a provider. I am so very sorry you are going through this. Prayers to you and that baby's family. Many, many hugs.
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Febby 04:59 PM 08-25-2015
Oh my. I'm so, so sorry.

When I was new to child care, an infant at a center I used to work at stopped breathing. When the staff member found her, she wasn't breathing, but her heart was still breathing. We managed to get her breathing again (before the paramedics arrived), but it was still incredibly scary. It wasn't a SIDS event though.
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lblanke 05:07 PM 08-25-2015
Sorry for your loss. Some medical professionals think that some cases of SIDS are actually undiagnosed metabolic disorders, some we can test for and probably some we do not even know about yet. In those cases, there is absolutely nothing you could have done to change this.
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auntymimi 05:23 PM 08-25-2015
God bless you and the family. Just awful.
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proudmommyofthree 06:05 PM 08-25-2015
I am so sorry your in my thoughts and prayers 🙏🙏
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Shell 06:10 PM 08-25-2015
Been thinking of you all day-
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MarinaVanessa 06:35 PM 08-25-2015
I can't offer any help at all just send you thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine what you or the babies parents are going through. I'm so sorry.
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Sunchimes 06:47 PM 08-25-2015
Oh Meeko, I'm so sorry. You and the family will be in my prayers.

Long ago, close to 50 years now, my mom kept kids. One baby was special, and mom would keep him while his family went to the lake. He was at our house from drop off Friday morning until pick up on Monday, as well as regular care hours. He was more our child than theirs. This Monday, they took him home, and in a couple of hours he was gone. Turned out that he had an undetected health problem.

Mom was always thankful it happened at home, but she carried that loss the rest of her life. She continued keeping kids, including babies, because she was able to accept the fact that there was nothing she could have done.


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NoMoreJuice! 08:34 PM 08-25-2015
Meeko, I'm so very sorry that this happened. It's impossible to imagine what you're going through. My heart hurts for you and for the baby's family. Sending you love, light, and peace.
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momofapreschooler 12:24 AM 08-26-2015
Deepest sympathies to you and baby's family. I cannot imagine the heartache. My sister lost a son to pre term labor (21 weeks, lived just a few hours). When her second son was born (full term, healthy), she could not sleep for fear he would stop breathing. She leaned about a snuza in an online support group for moms who lost babies due to preterm labor. She loves it. It clips to his diaper and alarms if he does not breathe/move for 15 seconds. It has given her some peace of mind when he sleeps. She has loved it, because now she can sleep, too. I am not sure if these would even be allowed in a daycare setting but thought people might want to know.
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mom2many 09:39 AM 08-26-2015
Oh Meeko, my deepest sympathy to you and the sweet baby's family... I cannot imagine that kind of a tragedy. I've been a provider for almost 30 years too, and have cared for many, many babies. This is every providers worst nightmare. I cannot offer any advice... Just heartfelt prayers to all of you.
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Sunshine74 09:48 AM 08-26-2015
I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the baby's family.
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KiddieCahoots 10:30 AM 08-26-2015
So terrible and heart breaking.
I'm so, so, so, sorry
My cousin passed away from SIDS yr's ago.
I still cannot wrap my mind around why such a thing happens.
My heart and prayers go out to you wonderful ladies who have had to deal with such tragedy
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Fiddlesticks 10:36 AM 08-26-2015
I am so sorry to read this. Prayers for you and the family.
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Daycare Insurance 11:13 AM 08-26-2015
We are deeply saddened to hear of these events and we offer our support.

When I was in Chicago, IL at a conference this past June, I met a very nice woman named Nancy, she is the Executive Director for SIDS infant Death services of Illinois. Their organization offers grieving services, education and community outreach with regards to SIDS.

I know they may not be local but perhaps there is a similar organization locally for anyone interested. If not, I am quite sure this woman would be more than happy to point anyone in the right direction or offer advice regardless of where you live.

www.sidsillinois.org

If someone would like direct contact information please feel free to call our office and speak with me directly or send me a PM.
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Michelle 05:25 PM 08-26-2015
wow! I just read this
I am so sorry for what you are going through
I am amazed at how wonderful those parents are
I think we could all say that most parents would not be that understanding or loving after losing a little baby
My heart goes out to everyone involved

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Patches 05:49 PM 08-26-2015
I'm so so sorry, Meeko!
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Movingforward 05:55 PM 08-26-2015
I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know what else to say, just take things easy and take a deep breath when your mind is running a thousand miles a minute.
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Lyss 05:59 PM 08-26-2015
Oh Meeko! My heart breaks for you and your DCF. I can't even imagine how you are feeling. I've stared at this post for awhile trying to find the right words but there are none. Just know that we all are thinking of you and sending love and support your way.
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racemom 06:13 PM 08-26-2015
I am so sorry for your loss.
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TwinKristi 06:16 PM 08-26-2015
I'm so sorry to read this...
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CraftyMom 06:55 PM 08-26-2015


I can't begin to imagine what you and the family are going through!

You are all in my thoughts and prayers!
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Luvnmykidz 07:18 PM 08-26-2015
Sending positive, healing thoughts your way.
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Missqjulie 08:45 PM 08-26-2015
So sorry to hear this! It is truly the nightmare of every provider, every parent, everyone every where. So sorry to hear this.
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Stephnrich 11:19 AM 08-27-2015
My heart breaks for you and his family. I'm so very sorry, and keep you all in my prayers.
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Miss Karena 06:26 AM 08-28-2015
I am so very sorry and will be praying for you, your family and the baby's family. I am taking a baby in beginning this winter and after reading the stories here I am nervous. I can't imagine what you are experiencing, prayers and a hug for you. God bless.
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Unregistered 10:08 PM 08-28-2015
I don't know what to say, except I am sorry for you and the family. It's my worst nightmare. I cannot understand what your going through but my imagination says its some sad stuff. I hope you find peace.
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Sprouts 10:31 AM 08-29-2015
Wow I am sooooo sorry!!
I haven't been on here in a while but I just happened to open the email by accident and saw ranks first. The first thing I thought was vaccines? When was the child vaccinated??? Praying for you and the family, I can't even imagine what you must be feeling. For future babies I highly recommend movement monitors, an alarm goes off if no movement... Again I'm so sorry
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Indianadaycare 10:50 AM 08-29-2015
Meeko, I am so so sorry to hear this. I cannot begin to imagine what all you went through in those moments. It sounds like you did all the right things and my prayer will be not only for the parents and loved ones of this dear baby, but for you as well. It is such a tramatic experience. I will pray for peace and calm in your heart. I have cared for children for the same length of time, and we never forget a one.
Hugs sent your way.
Anne
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Unregistered 04:21 PM 08-29-2015
I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and the baby's family at this difficult time. Hugs.
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Francine 04:52 AM 08-31-2015
I am so sorry! You are all in my thoughts and prayers!
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mountainside13 06:58 AM 08-31-2015
I am so sorry honey! I wish there was something I could say or do to take away the pain!
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Unregistered 07:18 AM 08-31-2015
Originally Posted by Sprouts:
Wow I am sooooo sorry!!
I haven't been on here in a while but I just happened to open the email by accident and saw ranks first. The first thing I thought was vaccines? When was the child vaccinated??? Praying for you and the family, I can't even imagine what you must be feeling. For future babies I highly recommend movement monitors, an alarm goes off if no movement... Again I'm so sorry

No disrespect, but all monitors currently on the market are completely useless in regards to SIDS. No benefit whatsoever and there's never been a correlation between vaccines and SIDS. It's a statistic that will happen, and as providers we take that chance if we choose to care for infants.
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Blackcat31 08:36 AM 08-31-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
No disrespect, but all monitors currently on the market are completely useless in regards to SIDS. No benefit whatsoever and there's never been a correlation between vaccines and SIDS. It's a statistic that will happen, and as providers we take that chance if we choose to care for infants.
No disrespect here either but that (bolded) can be arguable. Depends on where you get the information from.

I've found equal supporting theories from both sides of the argument.

YES...there is a link: http://readynutrition.com/resources/...sids_16062014/

NO there is no link: http://www.cdc.gov/vaccinesafety/Concerns/sids.html

Because I can't prove it or disprove it, I wont' make statements to either theory but I do agree that caring for infants is a risk in general and a risk we all assume when enrolling them in care.
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Rockgirl 11:02 AM 08-31-2015
Meeko, I've been thinking about you....hope you are doing ok.
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momtomany74 02:27 PM 08-31-2015
Meeko, I hope that you know deep down that there wasn't anything you did wrong. This is every person's nightmare, provider or not. That baby will be with you because of the love received in your care. Be kind to yourself. I wish I could hug you and offer comfort. We all have you in our thoughts and the family too.
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AmyKidsCo 07:31 PM 08-31-2015
I am so, so sorry. You and the baby's family will be in my prayers.
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Gemma 03:50 PM 09-02-2015
I just read ...I'm so sorry this has happened!
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MarinaVanessa 11:08 AM 09-03-2015
Worried about you Meeko. Hope you're doing better
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Unregistered 11:45 AM 09-03-2015
ooh so sorry for you and the family
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Cat Herder 12:24 PM 09-03-2015
I am so sorry Meeko, just saw this.

You know I am a SIDS mom and educator. Sending you big hugs. Know that you could not have caused it, prevented it or predicted it. Know that.

Check out firstcandle.org it will help when you are ready.
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Unregistered 08:26 PM 09-10-2015
I'm so so sorry for everyone involved. I can't imagine what you're all going through. You did everything you could for that baby, hopefully that fact will help you find peace.
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Buttercup 08:27 PM 09-10-2015
That last post was mine, didn't realize I wasn't logged in. Also wanted to tell you I'll pray for you.
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Tags:death at daycare, sids
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